Loremen Podcast - Loremen S6Ep29 - The Cholsey Poltergeists

Episode Date: August 21, 2025

Polterguys are back! As are Alasdair and James! After a wee August break, the Loreboys return with some noisy sprits from a disputed corner of Oxfordshire. Listen carefully and you might just learn something about early British Christians. Not how to pronounce their names, though. Apologies in advance for that. This episode was edited by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Joseph Burrows - Audio Editor⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Join the LoreFolk at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠patreon.com/loremenpod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ko-fi.com/loremen⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Check the sweet, sweet merch here... ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.teepublic.com/stores/loremen-podcast?ref_id=24631⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ @loremenpod ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube.com/loremenpodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/loremenpod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.facebook.com/loremenpod⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Td Bank knows that running a small business is a journey, from startup to growing and managing your business. That's why they have a dedicated small business advice hub on their website to provide tips and insights on business banking to entrepreneurs. No matter the stage of business you're in, visit td.com slash small business advice to find out more or to match with a TD small business banking account manager. Welcome to Lawmen, a podcast about local legends and obscure curiosities from days of yore. I'm James Shakeshaft. I'm Alistair. We've gone back to Oxfordshire. Have we?

Yeah, we have. Although it did used to be Berkshire, and that is a matter of contention. But to welcome us back, Alistair, I have got a tale for you. of the Cholsey Poultergeist. Poldergeist for the SEO. James. James, before you, before we start this podcast. I have recently become a psychic.

Oh, oh, I'm never so sorry. I should have known? Yeah, I should have known. You should have known. Big, big news. Would you like to hear very briefly the story of how I have gained clairvoyant powers? Yeah. I am now proficient in prophetic dreaming.

Right. For this story, I need to take you back several years. I was in a different flat. I was with my lover and confidant, who you know, James. Mm-hmm. And it was night time. Middle of night. We were both asleep in bed.

Classic. Well, no, I was awake. I think, I thought I was awake. Right. And I saw a large, I saw a large spider crawling across the bed clothes. Yeah. And naturally, not a big fan of spiders. I leapt out of the bed saying something like,

Oh, you're a spider. There's a huge spider in the bed. And Rachel, my partner, leapt out of bed as well, being like, where's the spider? And I was like, it's crawling on the, quilt. And she said, how did you see it? It's pitch black in here. And I was like, just I saw it with my eyes. It's real. And at this point, I began to suspect that it had been a dream because it was too dark in the room for me to have seen a spider crawling across the quilt.

Yes. It was a dream. And I was roundly mocked, James, roundly mocked for the, for the alarm that I raised. That's, okay. Flash forward to a few weeks ago. Yes. Spider ran across me in bed. No. Yeah, same thing happened. What is the spider? This time it was real. Oh.

So, James. Yeah? I caught it under a cup, caught it, got it out of the window. Oh, I was going to say, did you interrogate the spider? What to find out if it was the one from my dreams. So, yeah, basically that dream I now realized was a prophecy that has since come true. Will all of my dreams come true? So, wow.

I don't know. How many maths exams will I be sitting in the future? Yeah. You don't know. Will your teeth tend to... Turn to cream cheese when you try to bite an apple that time. It could happen. It could easily happen.

Will one of your friends make you so mad? Your teeth explode because you're grinding them so hard. Has that happened to you in a dream, James? That happens to be in a dream. Jim. He was being so... Jim? Yeah, Jim.

You'll make Jim. Jim Arden. Jim Arden. Jim Arden, who heard the snuffling beast. Mm. He was being insufferable. Jim. And my molas popped.

Well, let's hope that wasn't a prophecy Just a little prophetic dreamer I am now a psychic You're up there with King David Did he do some of that? No, Joseph, the old Technicolor Dreamcoat Was he a psychic as well? He had dreams about cows

Oh, yeah Foucails and thing cows eating each other and stuff or something I think that was him So there's him, there's Mystic Meg And there's me The Triptic? Yes.

Wow. The Eternal Trio, with Uri Geller and Russell Grant, just sort of tapping on the door, though, nipping at your heels. Pink, pink, pink. Can we come in? No, you can't, Yuri. Well, Alistair, I didn't bring you here for you to tell me that you're now a psychic. Oh, no?

Okay. I brought you to tell you some stuff from The Veiled Veil, which is a wonderful book by a friend of the show, Mike White. Oh, yes, of course, Mike White's The Veiled Veil. He's very good at titles, Mike. Strange Tales from South Oxfordshire. He's also very good at tales, because I've got a wonderful bit of stuff about Cholesy.

Now, where is Chorsey? What's it about? Nowadays, it's in South Oxfordshire. And it moved through plate tectonics from a different part of Oxfordshire. Well, the people that live around there would not put it so mildly that it moved via plate tectonics

They would say it was stolen from Berkshire. Stolen from Berkshire. Stolen from Berkshire. And now in Oxfordshire. They rebadged everything in 1974. Of course they did. It was very controversial. Now I'm calling it Chelsea.

It's not like the poshest man imaginable trying to say Chelsea. C-H-O-L-S-E-Y, Chelsea. Yes, exactly. It's south of Wollingford in South Oxfordshire. Oh, of course, Wollingford, yes. We've all heard of Wollingford. I think famous people from Wollingford is that actor fella who's in the new Jurassic Park film. Jonathan Bailey, his name is.

Oh, I don't know who that is. Oh, he's really good. He's very charming. He's got a real good charm about him. He's in your broad churches. Wicked. He's in Wicked. I've looked at a picture of him and I don't know who he is.

He's good, he's good, he's a good lad. He's just a brown-haired man. With stubble. But no, Cholsa, population in 2011 was 3,457. So, there you go. The village green's called the 40. The 40? No idea why.

Yeah. Agatha Christie lived there for a bit until she died. So in fact, Agatha Christie died there, you could say. Wow, that is pretty dramatic. Yes, yeah. I don't know if there was any mystery. She was perhaps quite old. 85.

She was 85. She was 85 when she died. Well, that's an open and shortcase then. Yeah. Murder. I don't think we need a post-mortem. So, you know, Chelsea, it's the... Well, first up, Alistair, do you want to hear about some polter guys?

Yes, please, because so far your facts about Cholsey have been rubbish. I've got some more facts that are less spooky because you've got to eat you dinner before you have your pudding. But in the 7th century, King, kindness. Sign gills. Sign gills. C-Y-N-G-I-L-S, which, if we've learnt anything from this podcast, it could be pronounced anyway. Yeah, I daren't say that. I would say kindgills, but we don't want to fan sure ourselves. Oh, no. I think it's kindgels. Kindgels. That's got to ring to it.

Cingles? Let me, I'm going to get, I'm going to ask that, that guy with the weird accent how he says it on YouTube. Well, the American robot. Let's say how he pronounces it. Oh, it's not even pre-filling it. I like Kindgels because you can sing that to Robbie Williams' angels. I'm loving Kindgills instead.

Actually, according to Kids' Encyclopedia Facts, kids.kiddy.com. I'm not sure that as a website we should be going to, but okay. Kind Gills Facts for Kids. Kindgills pronounced roughly as Cunagil's. Cunerjills. The plop thickens.

Cunea jills. Cunea jills. That doesn't fit any Robbie Williams song that I can think of. No, I thought for two seconds and I can't think of, uh-oh, let me Cunerjills you. Learn how to pronounce it. One last go on how to do this. I'm giving my cookies over to some vendors. Sinegils.

Sinigils. Sineigils. And then one's just empty, one's just blank. Oh. So there's this how to pronounce website, how to pronounce.com, and evidently everyone records their own version and then it's sort of rated in a... Okay, yeah. Signigils.

A lot of people... Synagels. A lot of people are saying synagels, there's four... I think, I think kin makes more sense. Kinagels. Kinagels, yeah. Not cunegills. I don't know.

Hey, this is kiddies, this is kids at kiddle.com. I don't care. I don't care. I don't think it's pronounced with a sir. They say cuner jills. Cuner jills. Cuner jills. Kinder jills.

Anyway, shall I just pick one? I think kinder jills because it's close enough that we could sing it to Angels by Robbie Williams. Kind of jills instead. It's just slightly too long, but it almost could work. I think it's a jill. It's definitely a Jill, not a Gill, isn't it? Kuna Jills. Kind of Jills.

It's kind of Jills. Oh, now that sounds like a 90s kid sitcom. About someone called Jill. Yeah, about Jill. It's kind of Jill. And she's got like a blossom hat and she folds her arms. Like Melissa explains it all. Like Clarissa explains it all.

Exactly like Clarissa explains it all, starring Melissa Joan Hart. You can see how I was confused. Oh, no. Literally my next, so my first sentence, is King Kynar Jills, the Pagan King in the Tens Valley, succeeded Kiel Wolf, Kiel Wolf, Kiel Wolf, C-E-O-W-W-W-F, C-E-O-W-W-F, C-E-L-W-W-F, C-E-L-W-W-F,

C-E-O-W-W-W, which, if you combine that with the fact that I know there's a Beowulf, we want to see, C-O-W-W-W-E-W-W-E-W-W-E-W-E-W-E-W-E. The deal wolf. And ultimately, if you work your way down the alphabet, there's a weirwolf. Ah, very good. Thank you very much. Oh, and other names entered the fray. Bishop Byrriness, who's a Frankish monk, who as far as I can tell, didn't invent the birriani.

Bishop Birinus ends up as the first Bishop of Dorchester. Yeah, he was a Frank. And I'd seen the word Frank sort of bandied around. And I looked into it. And so Franks were a type of people. Were they a Germanic tribe? A kind of a Germanic tribe. Yeah, you got the Franks.

And then I remember we've already got the Normans. There's a lot of the good names covered. The Keith's, perhaps. There is a group from Iran or whatever Iran was called back then called the Allens. The Allens? The Persian Allens. Yeah, the Persian Allens. We got Franks.

We got Allens. We got Normans. It must have been so confusing. This is Jim the Frank. It's like the Rob of the Brut. I think it's your Robert the Bruce joke, isn't it? I don't remember. I don't remember that.

I'll take credit for it. It's very confusing. Is his name, Robert? Is his name? That's like David's when we were in school. Everyone was called David. David the Frank. So many Franks and Normans.

Oh, God. Alistair, Bishop Bironis was succeeded by a Jillbertus. Gilberthus. A Jillberthus. Adjilbertus. Yeah, Adjilbertus, all one word. Just one. Just one for the table.

By a Jillbertus. or Er Gilbert Us, which are the three options that I had. No, it must be Agilbertus. So Bishop Beerenus, his feast day is my birthday. So I've got to split that with him. He was from the second big wave of English Christianity. Because remember, this is 7th century we're talking. So the first wave was led by St. Augustine.

Augustine. Forget. Augustine. I think it's normally Augustine. Augustine. He's a friend of the show from Lawman. When he was the saint that visited Longcompton, and there was that guy... Yeah, I think that's what he's most famous for.

He brought out of the grave to have a chat to him because he hadn't been paying his tithes. Oh, wait, this is a different St. Augustine from the famous St. Augustine. Is that right? Yes, there's two. Yeah, this is the less good one who brought a guy out of a grave to have a conversation with him. To have a chat with him. This is the Augustine that went round Britain, but there was a different Augustine who was like Augustine the hippo. again. I didn't look any further than that, but I've got a picture in my head. It's our podcast always this confusing because we heard a few weeks off and I have no idea what is going on.

So, well, I did a bit of old school Christian research. And boy, is it confusing? Because this guy was sent by Pope Honorius I, who was famous for, and these are the top three things in no particular order. One, organising the spread of Christianity among the Anglo-Saxons. for the Catholic Church that, yep. Two, attempting to convince the Celts to calculate Easter in the Roman way.

Okay, that seems a bit more niche, but fair enough. Well, the Roman way, it seems, is the Bishop of Rome sends a letter every year says Easter's going to be this date. Well, it's a surprise. Yeah, basically, yes. Which it is. It still is.

To wait until you get a text from the Pope does only when Easter is. Their old method... Is that the way it works? That's the, I guess that's the current method. Their old method, the British method. Yeah, our proper British, Easter, before Europe took it away?

It was simply a Sunday between the 14th and 20th of a lunar month according to an 84-year cycle. Simple. And third thing he's famous for is becoming one of the central arguments against papal infallibility. Oh, oh. He wasn't one of the worst popes. He was posthumously called a heretic because of his thoughts on the monothelite.

Right. I think it's a heretic. I don't know how to pronounce any of the other words but I'm pretty confident Heretic is pronounced heretic Not heretic I don't think it's pronounced heretic Damn it

No wonder my My voice search Couldn't find that Hugh Gride film Did you mean? It is heretical That is how people say it when it's heretical But not for heretic Heretic

Heretic So anyway Monothalism Monothilitism Monothilitism is about Jesus It's very boring. It's about Jesus having one will. Yeah.

Which means, so you can't do the thing where you explain away Jesus doing bad stuff as that being his human side. I see. I see. So it's heretical to believe

that he only had one will, is it? Yes, because it basically means that the bad stuff that Jesus did was God doing it. Whereas if you have the two wills, you can say the bad stuff he did, oh, that was his human side.

That was his mum's side, if you know what I mean. He gets that from his. He gets in from his mom. And just a reminder, at this time, most of the books of the apocrypha were broadly considered to be part of the Bible. Oh, so the ones where he went around just like punching people out, doing pranks. That was all still in the Bible.

Turning young footballers into stone or whatever it was. Yeah. So anyway. See previous episodes of Lawmen for that. Yeah. So anyway, King Cunegills, Cunegils, kind of jills, he allowed. It's kind of Jill. It's kind of Jill.

Everything's kind of Jill. He allowed Bishop Birinus to preach to the people of his area. And I think he might have been trying to undermine this Christian message because he advised this guy preach from a nearby Bell and Boll Barrow called Chern-N-N-O-I'm sorry? It's called Chern-N-I don't think I understood most of the nouns in that sentence. It's a bell and bowl barrow. A bell and ball barrow. A bell and ball barrow.

A bell and barrow? Called churn knob in blueberry. Called churn knob in blueberry. Yes. Well, I've said it, but I still don't know what it means. And I was trying to look up for some extra stuff about churn knob. It sounds very buttery. It does.

A very buttery knob. I misremembered its name and I've ruined my Google search history by looking for churn willy, which is not a thing. But no, I've got some. Here's some breaking barrow news. Oh, yes, okay. I'm very excited. So this is from an article. I'm pressing a finger to my ear.

An article from the Oxford Mail, from the 12th of May 2006, to be fair, this is as breaking as it gets with barrows. The Reverend Edwin Clements has been told to move his 16-foot cross that he erected on the knob six years previously. Wow. Wow, things really move faster in Oxfordshire. Well, to be fair, English Heritage had started this process to have his cross removed in 2003. So it was only three years after it went up and it took three years to get to the point where the council said, move you cross.

Yeah, take it down. Take that down. Rev Clem said it wasn't on the borough actually. It's just next to it. And that he had planning permission. And he had been doing three years of passive protest, which is where he just didn't do it. fit about it. Oh, I do a lot of that. A lot of passive protest. Yes. I passively protest my dirty dishes. I passively protest the actual hole in my kitchen floor that I really should do

something about. Can you see your downstairs neighbour? I have taped over the hole, James. I'm told you I'm not thinking about it. Why are you asking me questions? So you've just got a booby trap? It's not important. We don't think about it. We don't think about it. We don't think about it. contemplate or look at the hole. Okay. It is getting bigger. That's all I can tell you. Oh, no.

Was it because you thought about it? Maybe. Every time you mention it, it gets bigger. Three weeks later, on the 2nd of June, 2006, the cross was taken down. That passive protest had run its course. I can't believe not doing anything didn't work. Yeah, it didn't do anything. Reverend Clem just took it and led it on the ground there

because it was too heavy to take it off the air, take it away from the area and he said he'd put it back up from a picture on Britishpilgrimage.org from 2011 he's sort of taking a similar tactic to you with the, I'm going to mention it, the kitchen floor hole. James!

In 2011 it was just still there lead on the ground. He just, he just take it down and lay it down on the ground. Yeah, next to churn knob. What? Yeah. It's good. I guess it's just the laziest guy. Reverend Clem, yes.

He's sort of, he's, he's, what's good, though, He's not 100% lazy because he's spinning it. He rotates it. Oh, as in like he's spinning, not doing anything to passive protest. Oh, I see. Yes, sorry, in the new labour sense of spin. I thought you meant that he rotated the cross. It could be, actually.

I didn't ask, but that seems like a lot of effort for Rev Clem. It does seem like more effort than he would put in. I don't know if it's still there, because as with most things, breaking news, Barrow style, the latest report I have is from 14 years ago. That's pretty up to date for us. So, yeah, in 2011, it's still led on the ground. Yes. So that was the end of breaking Barrow News.

So back to... Back to the studio. St. Bironas. His speech was very successful. He converted a bunch of people, but not King, Kind of Jills. But a few years later, Kina Jills did realize that he did need to become a Christian because he was trying to broker an alliance with King Oswald of Northumbria

against the Mercians who were gathering. They were on his doorstep. But Oswald was not going to enter into a treaty with a heathen. So, Kind of Gilles, Kind of Jills, decided to become a Christian. And Oswald married Kind of Jill's daughter. I guess they must have just met at their baptism and just fallen in love. You know, their eyes met across the font or something. Very sweet and coincidental that would have happened.

Yeah, and no other reason at all. So, Kind of Jill's allowed Bureness to build Dorchester Abbey in Dorchester Abbey. Of course a word, I'd really love the place. It doesn't really work. No, but thanks. No, but thanks for trying. There is buried someone from another one of our tales. So, anyway, that was just a bit of Christian fun.

That's just some good, clean Christian fun. Easily pronounceable Christian fun. Isn't it weird the way people are still called Oswald? sort of at least. Some people probably are called Oswald, but nobody's called Kina Gilles, Kanner Jills. Isn't that weird? You don't know which names are going to last. No. Should we get onto the ghosts?

Let's get onto some ghosts, please, thank you. Okay, first ghost. Station Road, Chelsea. It's a man wearing shoes with prominent buckles. This is the ghost. That's it. That's the whole ghost. That's it. That's all Mike tells us about doesn't have an age because

buckles on shoes. It's timeless. That's true. It's a timeless look, the buckle on the shoe. It could be, hence the song. That song's never gone out of fashion. It's that song, we all sing it all the time. It's the Robin Williams' Angels. I'm tired, James.

It's the Robbie Williams' Angels of its era, which, whatever that was, songs of that shoes. Three, four, knock on the door, five, six, pick up sticks. It's basically rap. Seven, eight, stay up late. switched into the Nightmare on Elm Street version, which I don't know if that's the real version. I don't know either.

I doubt it. I imagine it was made up for the film. Anyway, we can assume the man with the shoes, with prominent buckles, is a ghost from context. I do feel like, strictly speaking, I would normally have a higher standard of evidence than context. Mike, I know you listen. You don't say why it's a ghost.

You don't say why it's a ghost. You just say it's a man with buckles. Mike, we've come to expect. better from you than just a man with buckles on his shoes. Okay, then. On behalf of Mike. You haven't just let us down, you've let yourself down, Mike. On behalf of Mike, do you want a polter guy in an attic?

Give me it now. I've got a potter guy in an attic in 1930. Great. Ideal location for a polter guy. 1930. Yes, it's a poltergeist. Get up to speed. We sometimes hilariously call polter guys, polter guys.

Sometimes we call them pottergeist. Sometimes we do, but not as often. Because once we read in a review for a national monument that someone referred to the tour guide as the tour guy. Okay? That's why that happens. That person thinks that they're called tour guys, hence, polter guy. Polter guys, right?

That's all the explanation you get in. Anything else? That's it. You're up to speed. You're going to have to nudge your friend in class and ask them. Mike, if you're listening, that was an example of context. It's more than just buckles. So, yes, 1930, cottage, attic, banging noises, etc.

The family that lived there finally pluck up the courage to get up in the attic. Actually, a lot better than me in most houses that I've ever lived in. Oh, yeah, I'm very scared of my attic. They found in the attic some reading glasses and some paperwork. Now, Alistair, what was written on those papers? I don't know. Me neither does Mike. No one knows.

Okay, all right. Because it sounds like that attic had a desk job to me. Well, the family couldn't read, and then they destroyed the papers. So no one never knows what's written on them. Stop the polter guy. Well, good, but I'm still a bit of a shame. Do you want to go and investigate that cottage, Alaston, see if there is any evidence of anything there? Yeah, let's do it.

You can't. It's demolished. Oh, I thought you were inviting me on a boy's day out. Lads, lads, lads. Okay, to make it up for you, did you say you wanted to hear about a second polter guy in a second cottage? I believe I did. Also in the early 20th century?

Ideally, yes. Would you also like to know how Miss Walter's dealt with it? Please tell me. Fine, fine, I'll tell you. So this started with stones being thrown at the door. Mike's telling, it reminded me of that the anti-piracy adverts.

You wouldn't steal a car. Oh, yeah. You wouldn't chuck a pebble at a door. because it escalated. Oh, right, yeah. Tables and chairs being thrown around the kitchen. No. Throwing tables and chairs funds organized crime.

Now, that was also from a different anti-piracy advert. Fact. And annoyingly for Miss Walters, it was an intermittent problem. And you'd have like months or years between incidents. Well, she would have preferred it to be mittent. Multimittant, multi-mitant. It's just, it's one of their. It's like a car with an electrical fault.

Yeah, I suppose you take it into the garage and... You get the vicar around and... Yeah. Take your car around to the vicarage. Do you want to go on a lad's holiday to see that cottage? Yes, please. Well, that has also been destroyed. James, when are we going to have this lad's holiday?

I don't know. Well, do you want to hear about a silly bridge? Yeah, okay. Okay, well, you're in love. Better be pretty silly. Where in the railway? This bridge isn't so silly. I don't know what I'll do.

Silly bridge. When the railway was going through the area, it was being built through the area, GWR, Great Western Railway. Great, Western Railways. They built bridges to allow the people and farmers to get around. And shortly after the construction of one, local enclosures meant that that bridge was basically useless. There was no way of getting to it legally. Ooh, I hate enclosures. Well, so did this bridge because it earned it the nickname of, Silly bridge. Because you couldn't use it.

Because you couldn't use it. No one could use it legally. Silly bridge. Silly bridge. Really, the bridge is blameless. Yeah, isn't it? And it's the enclosures that were bad. You are very much silly blaming the victim there.

Yeah. In the mid-1980s, December night, a local man was walking his dog over the silly bridge. Sorry, is that a particular time, December night? A December night. A local man was walking his dog over the silly bridge. Now, he's not been identified, presumably. because he was trespassing. Not while on the bridge, James.

No, at that point, yeah, he was not trespassing. You can't touch him. He may have been doing a lazy protest. Yes. No, let me just check the terminology. I think you'll find it's a passive protest. A lazy protest, yes.

Yeah, he just got pushed down the hill on a skateboard in a form of passive protest. No, he didn't want to get fingered for trespassing. Was that the punishment? in those days. It's the 80s. As the sun set, he was halfway across

Silly Bridge when the bridge began to vibrate to the sound of a steam engine passing underneath. Now, have you seen a steam engine

up close? I nearly said a Steve engine. I have seen several steam engines and I've been on one. Have you? I used to live in York

so you would see steam engines quite a lot. So I've stood on a bridge as steam engines have gone underneath. And the clouds of steam. Like when they're proper power, through, they are noisy.

They're not like Thomas, chug, chug, chug. They're like Gordon. You know, the one that they bricked up in the tunnel for being a... What did he do, James? He was bricked up in the tunnel for being a... And I'm going to put a bleep in there and it will sound like I've said the worst word.

But I think that's what they thought he was because they bricked him up in a tunnel for years, for like ages, didn't they? That terrifying story. But anyway, he heard this sound of this steam engine thundering past. It is like thunder, like nearby thunder. And there was no sign of it. There was nothing to be seen.

And his little dog, his collie, was cowering away. And later on, they are quite neurotic collies. Hence the term collie wobbles. Interesting. Is that true? No. No. And I'm worried that it's an offensive term. I don't think it does sound like it might be racist, but I don't think it is. Those are the stories of the ghosts of Cholsey.

Three fine ghosts and some very well-pronounced Christian history there, James. Well done. So, Alicester, are you ready to score my tales? I would love to. I feel like I've been quite judgmental. That's fine. Especially towards Mike, actually. I'd like to apologise for that.

Are you ready to score me then? I'd love to. My first category, naming. Oh, I see what you've done here. Yeah, there were a lot of names, many of them with more. Multiple pronunciations. Molto prononso. Molto prononso.

Yes. Yeah, absolutely. Beer wolf, seawolf. Yes, kind of Jill. The Franks, the Allens, the Normans, Agilbertus. I forgot about Agilbertus. Monothelitism.

Yeah, it's painful to hear you saying these words. So I'm just going to say, it's five. Let's just come back from the break, and I'll be a little generous. It's summer holidays still. It's five out of five for name. Yes. Wonderful.

All right then. Supernatural. Well, it's 50-50, isn't it? Because there wasn't much supernatural in the first half. No. But then you did hit me with Paltkegeist, Paltagreist, Silly Bridge. Buckles? I'm not count.

I don't think I'm counting buckles as a ghost. What? So much as a shoe. It could have been the 90s when buckles were big. I'm going to say it's a three out of five. It's a three out of five, I think. Two Boltergeist. and a silly bridge.

Fair enough. Okay. Category the third. You wouldn't polter guy a pebble. Okay. Yeah, all right. You know I love anti-piracy propaganda, James. That's very cheeky.

Fact. Yes, I do know you like that. But you wouldn't polter guy a pebble. I wouldn't poulter a guy. I wouldn't steal a car. No, that's true. You wouldn't destroy some paperwork and some glasses that you found in the left.

I definitely wouldn't. No, I wouldn't. It turns out you wouldn't fix a hole in your floor. That is true. I'm not to date. I will, I will, but I haven't. It's the... Fixed a hole in my kitchen floor.

It's the idea of passive protest, in a way. What, I'm passively protesting the hole in the kitchen floor. Yes, yes. I will win. I will outlast this hole. Unless the hole is your downfall, literally. Oh, no. What's the score for Polter...

You wouldn't Poltergea pedal, pebble? I think it's a... I think it's a four for whatever that was. You wouldn't poulter a guy. You wouldn't palt a guy a pebble. You wouldn't pull a guy a pebble. I wouldn't, no. This fourth category is a famous slash category.

It's blank slash blank because I thought of two, I thought of three funny category names. So I've squished two of them together. Two of them have been combined into one funny category. In two. Is that the hill you're going to die on? Slash, don't look for it. It's been destroyed.

Oh, very good. very good. So explain, obviously I can get, don't look for it, it's been destroyed, a reference to well-known phrase and lawmen catchphrase, don't look for it, it's not there. Which I believe originated from spinal tap and to future proof for this episode, spinal tap water. Thank you. That could have confused people. And the other half, is this the hill you're going to die on? Yeah, is this the hill you're going to die on? Because you've got kind of gills. It's kind of jills. wouldn't turn into a Christian until, like, they really, really had to because of Oswald. Yeah.

They were going to get invaded if they didn't. The Reverend Clem put in their cross on the hill and leaving out there for six years after being told not to. Very naughty. And it just reminds me of the hill that's called Chernobb, which somehow we didn't mention in the naming category. Oh, I got, yeah, we, well, okay, since we, since we skisks. skipped over churn knob in the naming category. I'm going to say it's a, I'm going to say it's a three. Oh.

I'm going to say it's a three out of five. Is that, am I being, am I being tough? It feels, it feels harsh. It feels harsh. But I, this is not, this is not the churn knob I'm going to die on. No, that's why I thought, James. Yeah, you can just passively protest that decision. I am going to practice passive protesting now.

Oh, no. No, he's doing it. Listeners, I've been doing it all along. Curse you, James! All right, you can wrecks across wherever you want, fine. So we're back, we're back basically, aren't we? We're back, we're back with a really confusing, slightly dreamlike episode. Thanks, Mike.

It's hard to sum up because there was. so much that there's going to be cut out of that episode. It's hard to work out what we can now call back to. So if you want to passively protest not getting lawmen more, you can join us at patreon.com forward. So that's lawmen part. You want to actively not protest the podcast. Yeah. And you get bonus episodes and you get access to the law folk discord where you will meet like-minded law folk. Thank you very much for all the people who already do do that. And thank you very much to Joe for editing this episode. And we'll see you again soon. What do they do with the reading glasses? Just ate them out of fear.

It doesn't say what happened to the glasses. I can only presume they were also destroyed. If they couldn't read, how did they know they were reading glasses? They could gain the ability to read. I'm pretty sure that's not the only reason that people can't read is because they haven't got reading glasses, but... I don't know, if this was an RPG from 1993, I think that would work. That would work. I imagine one of the family put them on and went, oh, God, how'd you read a news? Everything's blurry.

And then they earned the nickname of Proff for the rest of the life. It's great when people do that. Borrow someone's glasses, go out, oh, you're short-sighted, which is the reason that people wear glasses. Very odd. Yes. Yeah. Oh, wow, I can't see at all in these.

Yeah, that's why people wear them. And I would get this as well. I would genuinely have had this happen. I'm very short-sighted. People would take my glasses off, and put them on themselves and ask me how they looked. No idea.

He doesn't know, listener. He doesn't know. At this distance, he can only see the book calls on your shoes.