Loremen Podcast - Loremen S6Ep3 - Valentine's Special 2025 with Jenny Collier

Episode Date: February 13, 2025

It is the Most Romantic Time of the Year™ and we have a tale steeped in romance... if your idea of romance is Arthurian toxic masculinity. Welsh Valentine's Correspondent Jenny Collier joins us with what HAS to be the last bit of romance we can eke out of the Mabinogion. Or should that be MabiSNOGion? It's the legend of Enid and Geraint: a classic tale of boy meets girl, boy marries girl, boy becomes confused as to why girl is crying, boy goes on a quest and murders several people. Romance! Sponsor Jenny's Patagonian trek here! This episode was edited by Joseph Burrows - Audio Editor Join the LoreFolk here... patreon.com/loremenpod ko-fi.com/loremen Check the sweet, sweet merch here... https://www.teepublic.com/stores/loremen-podcast?ref_id=24631 @loremenpod youtube.com/loremenpodcast www.instagram.com/loremenpod www.facebook.com/loremenpod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to Lawmen, a podcast about local legends and obscure curiosities from days of yore. I'm James Shakespeare. And I'm Alistair Beckett King. Hey Alistair, it's the most romantic time of the year. Every podcast with you is the most romantic time of the year, James. Well this is the most Welshly romantic time of the year. I see where this is going. Of course it is.

It's Welsh Valentine's and it's the Welsh Valentine's special. Does that mean it's the return of regular Deputy Welsh law person, Jenny Collier? Oh, of course it is. And we've got some more from the Mavis Nogion. Psst, Alastair. Yes, James? I'm doing the We've Got a Deputy Guest Law Person whisper. And I'm already excited. Who is it? You would never guess who.

I might guess who. Do you remember what time of year it is? It's the most romantic time of year. Exactly. It's coming up for Welsh Valentine's. It's Welsh Valentine's Day almost. And we've got a Welsh slash Valentine's slash deputy law person. Jenny Collier right here. Welcome back, Jenny. Yes. Hello. Thanks for having me back Welsh slash Valentine's slash deputy law person, Jenny Collier right here. Welcome back, Jenny.

Yes. Hello. Thanks for having me back. Happy Valentine's Day. Hi, Jenny. Thank you for coming back. Happy Welsh Valentine's Day to you too. How are you doing? We haven't spoken to you since Christmas Pig. Yeah. It feels like it was a couple of weeks ago. Getting into the swing of my internet setup. Oh yeah. Just as in I've found somewhere to sit and do this.

But Jenny, come on. We haven't got time for such chit chat and flim flam. Yeah. We've got a Welsh Valentine story to get got, haven't we? Yeah. Yeah. We've got a very romantic, romantic longie. Lay it on me because so far, I mean, you've done this about nine times to me and

they haven't been romantic once. They've all been horrible. Yeah. Almost always. Some poor Welsh wave dies, gets swept out to sea or stuck in a tree or something. Well, I think, spoiler, I think this one is sponsored by Toxic Masculinity. Oh no! Like a Sesame Street episode, this excerpt of the Mabinogion is brought to you by Toxic Maxculinita.

Maxculinita. I can't even say it. I forgot that we'd rechristened the Mabinogion, I think last year, the Mabasnogion. Oh yeah! Because it was so bloody romantic. Oh yeah, I'm proud of that. If it was me. It was, it was, and you should be proud. You got your knowledge from Cliff's notes.

I did. I managed to find a Cliff's note for what we're talking about, Alistair. Can you imagine? Who is Cliff? It's Cliff Richard. Is it Cliff Richard? Yeah, it's Cliff Richard. And he's had time to write all of those notes.

Yeah, he's quite old and that's what he did instead of like partying and being like a hell raiser. Well, that has added an interesting facet to Mr. Cleancutt's reputation. Yeah. He's read everything. He's got opinions about all GCSE level books. Is it just American Cliff's notes?

I think there's also York Notes by the actor Michael York. Really? Presumably. I thought it was a tie into the Yorkie Bar. And they were originally, they were underneath the label on the back. And to flip it open and you get facts about Henry V, part Henry V. There's only one part of that one. Yeah. Cliff's notes is a bit more so poppery than my source. Oh, what's that? So your source, your sources, the Mabinogion, the book itself, the real deal. Is this going to be all your own opinions?

50 Songster Cliff Richard. If Americans don't know who Cliff Richard is, he's not our Elvis. But boy would he love to be. He's like a Christian, not Elvis. Yeah. So they make assumptions in the Cliff's notes that certain things were for reasons that aren't given in the book. Right.

So it confused me a little bit when I read, cause I read your thing after I read mine. Anyway, you formed your own opinions. I did form my own opinions. I mean, all roads lead to Geraint is a toxic ass. Yes. Well, what's the story then? We should probably let Alistair and the listeners know what element of the

Mabasnogion we're Mabasnogion were Mabasnogin today. I can't wait. So Geraint and Enid. Oh, I should have let you say how you would have said the names. I do know it's Geraint because of the cyclist Geraint Thomas. So actually I think it's Geraint and I would have said Enid. So it's Enid, not Enid.

Well, I think it's Enid because I knew someone called Enid in my primary school's mom was called Enid. And we called her Enid. I don't know if we were doing so correctly. I went out with somebody called Geraint. And this was in the early noughties when Negging was having its time in the sun. His opening line to me was, my mother was the same year, short and stumpy, and I was instantly obsessed. What? God, it worked. Wow, I mean, that reflects badly upon him,

but also quite badly upon you that you were impressed. Yeah. Well, it was all we knew back then, wasn't it? Say something horrible to her, and she'll be putty in your hands. Though I will have to remember to describe you as that in the blurb for this episode. Joni Collier brackets short and stumpy. I don't know why I said it in that voice.

That's not a Welsh accent. Asterich like Geraint's mum. Short and stumpy. Short and stumpy. Short and stumpy. We're now negging him from a distance of 20 years. Yeah, take that, some Welsh teen. So yeah, Geraint and Enid, shall I talk about how they met?

Yeah, well, the way I'm introduced to that, I'm introduced to that as a flashback. Yeah, you are. That's Cliff for you, being all Hollywood. I think mine's like the Tennyson poem version, rather than the original red or white book of the Mabinogion translation. Okay. Sure. But yeah, hit it.

Okay. Well, so they met because, quite long-windedly, Gwyn Huwvar, guess who that is? Gwynnever. Gwynnevere. I said it wrong with excitement. Gwenevir off of the King Arthur story. So she was about to go out to a hunt with Arthur and all of their retinue. Because this is, of course, King Arthur times. The King Arthur times, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was in that era. They were about to go out and try to hunt really dramatically white and desirable stag that was a foot. So they all went out for a hunt and then they didn't wake up going

way back. So she wakes up in the morning, she's like, oh, I wanted to go to that. And then she's like, he didn't wake me up and I told him to wake me up. So she's like berating Arthur. And she's like, right, I'm going to go on my own. Then as she's about to go, she bumps into a knight, enormous in size, Auburn head, bare-legged, noble squire. Bare-legged squire? Yeah. So, a shorts wearing 90s servitude called Geraint. And he's got a gold hilted sword,

brocaded silk boots of Cud ovan leather. Remember them? Yes. Horsebum, right? Horsebum, yeah, yeah, yeah. Horsebum leather. Yeah. And a mantle of blue, purple with a golden apple in each corner. Ooh, what's a mantle? Wait a minute doesn't that grow over a fire? Yeah imagine how tough he would be to be holding a whole marble mantle piece on his shoulders with an apple balance on either end.

He'd just been to the Met Gala and that's what he was wearing. And so Gwen Hoover is like oh I recognize you the moment I saw you. Cause you, the mantelpiece that you're wearing, it's just your vibe. And then he's like, they didn't wake me up either. So it's a little bit like they've just been left out. So the two of them are like, right, let's go and do this hunt. It's a classic meet cute. Yeah.

Well, those two aren't going to get it on, but they're like, oh, is that Gwen Iver, Gwen Huivar. cute. Yeah. Well, those two aren't going to get it on, but they're like, Oh, is that Gweneiver? So hard to remember how to say her name. Gwenn Huivar. I'm going to just not remember it. I think I'll just not remember. I mean, just say it differently every time. Have you seen those, the TikToks of people trying to read and then when you forget, when you can't pronounce the name and so you're like, and then you walked up to, and then in your head, that's how you read it. So they're like, right, we can just, we can enjoy the hunt just as easily without actually being there because we'll hear when the hounds are released and they do the pop pop. And so we can just like join the hunt

from like afar and hourly. Yeah, yeah, we've got the hunters home. We don't need to be there on the hunt. We could just hear the events of the hunt, like listening to football on the radio. And so they're like, right, we're going to listen to this hunt. And they're there with their maiden, like a maid servant of Gwynhivers. And then while they're going along, they come across a dwarf, a knight and a lady. All on horseback. It's the original odd triple. Odd throuple.

Throuple. Oh, that is a really good idea for a film. You should make a film called the odd throuple. The original odd throuple. Can I tell you, I went to a pop quiz last week with my two friends, Caitlin and Caitlin, who are married to each other. And what? I guess it isn't confusing for them.

It's not confusing. They do sound like a law firm. No, sorry, Caitlin. Caitlin, I'm having a pop at you. I'm not even trying to nag you. Well, we called our team name, Thrupple Threat. Oh, great name. That's nice.

Thanks. Thanks. Very nice. And when they called it out at the end, all the other tables were like, what's going on over there? Anyway, sorry. The odd Thrupple Dwarf Knight and the Lady and Gwen Ho'ivar is like, right, go and find out who they are.

Because the knight is so they can't recognize him because he's got such a large amount of armor and helmetry. He's unrecognizable. So she sends her maiden to go and ask who they are. And the dwarf is like, I will not tell you who the knight is. The maiden goes, well, I'll just go and ask him myself then. And the dwarf goes, no, you won't because you're not of the status that is proper to talk to him. Basically saying she's too lowly. And then she points her horse towards the knight like she's going to go to the knight and the dwarf whips her in the face and eyes until her face bleeds. And so she goes back to the, to them and she's like,

this is what just happened. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Quite right. This isn't very romantic so far. No, no, no, no. It doesn't hear about the onthrapple. Did you not hear about the onthruple? I forgot about that. We all enjoyed that. Sorry, I'm on first syllable terms with him already. Geraint goes up and has the same interaction with the dwarf and the dwarf whips him in the eyes as well. This is like a David Lynch film in honor of the late David Lynch more than it is a romantic story of Welsh legend. This is horrible.

Yeah, it is quite horrible. And he can't even get his revenge once that's just happened because he's not wearing any armor. He's still in his shorts, probably. In fireplace. He's like, I can't go up there with my mantelpiece aloft. Why in fireplace? Because of he's Easy Surfer.

So then he's like, right, I'm going to deal with this once I've got some armor on. So he goes, I'm not going to test myself against the night until I've got armor. So they go into a town nearby, follow the throuple, and they see that the throuple get like a really rousing welcome from all the townsfolk and all the shops and buildings are full of people burnishing swords and polishing shields. They're like, what the devil's going on here? The hunt is completely forgotten at this point. They've forgotten about the hunt. And now their main interest is finding out who this mystery knight is. Just getting revenge and getting an apology from this guy.

So just so I understand, who got whipped in the face? Geraint and? Geraint and the maidservant, Gwenhinvar. Oh, Gwenhinvar's maidservant. I forgot there was a maidservant. Right. So, Guinevere, if you prefer to call her, is thus far unwipped in the face. Actually, she remains unwipped in the face. She gets quite an easy ride in this story.

Spoiler alert. Actually, she remains unwrapped in the face. She gets quite an easy ride in this story. Anyway. Spoiler alert. They find one place in the town that isn't full and that will let them in. It's really dilapidated. It's a dilapidated hall with a gray-haired man who said that, well, you can come in here. Then there's a kind of elderly woman who is like, oh, you can tell that she used to be a horse-it. And there's a kind of elderly woman who he's like, oh, she, you can tell that she used to be fit. And then.

So it says that in the Mabinogion, you can tell she used to be fit. You can tell. I can't remember the exact words, but it's like you can tell that in the flourishes of youth that she would have got it. I think that's Cliff's notes. But then the child, not child, she's a young woman who's the child of those two people. He describes, he's never seen any maiden more perfect as regards beauty and elegance and grace than she. And that is such a chortle review of the thing where

you can't quote it. It's not expressed with the fiery passion of the heart to be like, she's fairly attractive vis-a-vis the face and also with regards to the body. Personality wise, well, you be the judge. Oh, there's no mention of the personality. It read like a four. It was a very crowd pleasing face. Three and a half. It was a very crowd pleasing face.

Three and a half, 3.5. The useless 0.5. Worth nothing to anyone. Make it tense, Dave. And then the man says to his daughter, there is no groom for this squire's horse tonight apart from you. And she says, I shall give the best service that I can, both to him and his horse. Wait, did she say it in the voice that you used there? Is that accurate?

Did she say it as saucy as that? Well, I mean, she could have said it in a, I shall give him the best service that I can, both to him and his horse. No, it still came out really saucy. It's impossible to say it not saucy. I just saw it in every voice. James, you say it. Is it still saucy when you say it?

Well, I shall give him the best. I shall give him and his horse quite the same too. It's gone a bit weird towards the end. I shall give his horse quite a service. These are now the three voices I'm using in my head for this role. Oh, let me do one more. Let me do the North Wales accent because that might be the accent that was done in, maybe. I shall give the best service that I can both to him and his horse.

Okay, that's completely asexual. Yeah, no, that was not sexy in the slightest. Well done. That's like, yeah, Mercedes is going to be gleaming and I don't mean, I don't mean that as a euphemism. I don't, I don't, I'm not going to mince words here. I think that's the least sexy thing we've had on the podcast. And that is, that is a hotly contested field.

Cantrell's coming back. Is he? He said he wasn't. And so, oh, so then she gets sent into town to go and get provisions for them. And she goes into town and she brings back a flagon of mead, a quarter of a young bullock. Depending on which voice you do it in, that could be. Classic not checking if he's doing dry jam or if he's a vegan. Do you know which quarter it was?

Front, left? Offside left, offside rear. Sorry. Every fourth cell. White bread and a loaf of wheat in case he's celiac. No, in the hope that he's not. In case he's celiac and she's trying to make him quite ill. She hits the jackpot.

He loves all of those things. They chat about the night, so he tells them about the thing that happened with the throuple. And then they're like, right, we need to help you get revenge. And the way you can maybe get, so the knight that you met is, I think, and I don't know if you got this James, the knight is the nephew of the dilapidated man. Yes. The man in the dilapidated house. Yes.

The guy who's got the dwarf and the lady with him, he stole the kingdom and earldom from the grey-haired man was my understanding. Yeah, basically. He's being quite tyrannical. Yes. Is what I understood. Yeah. And he is, do we know his nickname at this point? Is that from the original one or is that just Cliff Rich's imaginings?

I think it's Cliff Rich's imaginings. What did you get? Well, he was called Sparrowhawk. Oh yeah, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Oh, great name for a usurper, Sparrowhawk. One of his sort of conditions of being beaten was that you would also find out his real name and he was a bit, he had a bit of a Rumple Stiltskin vibe about him or whatever.

So is Sparrowhawk just a sort of street name or an online username? Right. But he's got a whole like game that he plays with people that involves a Sparrowhawk. So what he does is he gets two forks and puts them in the ground. All these things have to rhyme in the game. Sparrowhawks, forks. You have to use a lot of torque. Then you get a silver rod, which is not to prod. Nice. Prod you not with the rod. And then whoever wins the dueling, the Sparrowhawk lands on the rod and then it gets given to

whoever wins the joust, gets the sparrowhawk and gives it to the woman they love the most. Romantic. Yes. But... Yeah, I love to be given a bird of prey. Yeah, isn't it the most romantic gift? And so you can only compete in the games if you bring a woman. Romantic. What's the price of entry is a woman?

Well, you have to have somebody to give the Sparrowhawk to if you win. Oh, of course. It's one of those situations. I've got to go to the big joust, but I need a date. Yeah, exactly. And so once they tell the couple and the young lady about the insult, they were like, you've got to go to the games. And you know what? You can have my weapons and my armor and my horse and my daughter. And so Enid, the daughter can be. So is Enid the name of that, that saucy groomsmaid?

Right. The person whom one would have to say has grace and elegance with aplomb. Right, daybreak, we're going to go out, we're going to go and do this games. And so they get there and then he's wearing this weird like dilapidated armor. And then he jousts with Sparrowhawk man and they break four sets of lances in their dueling. So each time they break it and then they get brought new ones and then they break it, and then the old man comes over and he goes, I'll give you my lance. And this was the lance that I got given when I was ordained as a knight. Don't give him

that. Look how he's treated the other lances. That's like an important lance. I keep that one for special. He goes, it's got an excellent head to it. Did the woman say that in the voice? It's got an excellent head to it. It's got an excellent head to it. And so he gets knocked off his horse. He knocks the Sparrowhawk off his horse. Yes, get in. And they rounded on each other with swords.

And then their vision was impaired from all the sweat and blood. Romantic. And then the grey-haired man saw that Geraint had received a mighty harsh blow. And so he comes up to him and he goes, keep in mind the insult. This is before when he got the insult. And that made Geraint go, right, okay, yeah, you're right. And so he raised his sword and struck the knight on top of his head. So his armor shatters, flesh splits, pierces the bone. And then the man falls on his knees and throws sword away and asks for mercy.

And he's like, I'll make amends for my insult. And then Geraint is like, who are you? And he said, I'm a Dern, son of Niamh, his story so far. Sorry, I don't know who that guy is. This is like when I listened to a long running podcast and they reveal who a character is that you're supposed to remember from 20 episodes ago. Have we met this guy yet? Do I know who that is? And they should have known his name anyway, because he was the nephew, wasn't he? He was

the nephew of the old guy. They could have just told him the name earlier on. Defeated, was it Edryn, son of Noth? Nith. Nith. Edryn, son of Nith. Defeated. Defeated. Defeated. So Garan gets invited into the castle that night, but he's like, no, no, no, I'll actually go back to the castle. The dilapidated one with the fat woman. Who's in like shabby clothes, because they're all in sort of shabby clothes and because they had all their everything taken away from them. If you can't handle me at my shabby rotted through pits clothes, you don't deserve me at my, somebody bought me some clothes without rotted Pitts.

Do they rot from the Pitts? Is that where clothes begin to rot? I don't know, I've just heard. Spoof yourself. I know, it sounds like a lot of your clothes have rotted out from the Pitts. The clothes have rotted out from the Pitts. Is that, is that,

because when you see Shabby clothes in, in medieval dramas, they tend to get ragged from like the bottom or have like some tasteful tears in them. Depends what's going on with your bottom. They do not, a lot of emphasis on the pits. Yeah, yeah, that's true. Mine got, mine have got crispy, crispy under the pits. I think, I hope, is from the deodorant. That's from deodorant, yeah.

Thank goodness. But then I think the crispiness, when you wash it, then that- Not producing crisps. Pit crisps, pit crisps. But then that crispiness makes it when you wash it, maybe it wears away quicker. And then that's when you get the little holes that make it look like you've been acid rained on the pits. Okay. Yes. Not yet. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe it's because some of my clothes are 30 years old and people back then didn't have the life expectancy, did they? But in the nineties.

So their clothes wouldn't have maybe lasted as long. In the nineties. Yeah, yeah, that's true. Yes. Oh, right. People back then in the medieval times, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. This isn't even medieval times, is it? This is much longer ago than that. Also, it didn't happen.

So there's two reasons that it was a long time ago. I've still got a t-shirt from the nineties that I wear that hasn't rotted at the pits. Just to, just for balance. Good. Thank you. Thank you. So he falls in love with her despite her. Despite her rotten clothes.

Yeah. He's like, I don't want to go to the castle where I've been privilegedly invited. I want to go back to the ship place. So this humble hottie's house. Yeah. And so they're like, okay, well, we'll bring all the food and wine and everything to there. Kara is like, let the maiden wear nothing but her smock and linen mantle. So they've made for each other because they're both wearing their mantles. Twin fireplaces.

A linen mantle sounds like a fire waiting to happen. That's dangerous, yes. Because he's so determined for Gwen Hinvar to dress his bride in her clothes. And I like, you know, when you start going out with somebody and they've got this really close female friend, so if a boy has got a really close female friend, you're like, red flag actually. And this, so before he's even met Enid, Gherain is like, right, I'm off to avenge you guys. And Gwen Hinvara is like, oh, if you meet a woman, make sure you let me dress her for your wedding. And I would be like tapping out actually, just marry Gwen

Hinvah if you want. Anyway, so she stays in her smock and everything. And then the unwhil, which is the grey-haired man, he gets all the land relinquished to him. And so then it's all back his again. So that's nice. I think I got that. That's Geraint's adventure so far. That's what the book keeps saying. It's like the story I think. I think I got that. That's Geraint's adventure so far. That's what the book keeps saying. It's like, the story's so fast. I can't stop saying it. I'm sorry. We're going to be here all night. Sorry. No, we're nearly halfway. So him and the lady and the dwarf go to Arthur's court to go and apologize to Gwen Huirvar because they've apologized to Geraint by having their heads split open. And so now they have to just go and do it,

try and do it with words actually, hopefully, at Arthur's court. And then Geraint and Enid come back. And so they're all at Arthur's court and they're like, oh, we're going to be together now. And so Arthur and Gwen Hufair give Enid to Geraint. Shouldn't it be their parents? I mean, should it be anybody? Does any woman really need to be given to somebody? Hey, good point. Yeah. Well done, Jenny. But do they not only give her away, they make up a bed in their room for them to sleep together in, which I'm going to say creepy. Yeah, that's definitely creepy.

Sorry, sorry. In King Arthur and Gwent Hathor's own room, they make up a spare bed. To be their nuptial bed. In that room, to be the marit-a-bubble bed. It doesn't really elaborate on that, so who knows what's going on. Maybe they're just like, look at these clowns with their mantles. They don't know what they're up to. We'll show them a thing or two. I don't know. Who knows? That's going to put a damper on things, I think. Yeah. I mean, maybe they just did the thing where they gave up their room and they went

to a smaller room. But the fact that it mentions it, I'm like, anyway. Oh, so then they sleep together and they have three years delightful courtship. Well, not courtship, wedded bliss. And they're just like in bed all the time. And Geraint loves his tournaments and his hard combat. So that's all fine for three years. And then this is where Cliff Notes argues a bit with what Mabinogion says. Oh yeah. But so I heard that after three years, messages from Eirbyn down in Cornwall come up and they're

like, listen, Eirbyn is drawing close to old age and he wants Garant to come and protect the boundaries rather than doing all his unprofitable tournaments. And cause he's like the nephew. So it's kind of his land. No, no. Yeah. I think the Cliffs, I think it's, I think the Cliffs notes are for the Tennyson poem and they have it round a bit of a different way. They make out like people were like, we've got to give this lad something to do. Oh, come down to Cornwall, but they don't actually need him. But in this they do need him.

My understanding was that it was around this time that the Lancelot and Guinevere story broke amongst the court in quite the sort of, I don't know if we can use the term, Waggatha Christie, because I think it is genuinely copyrighted. I think it is copyrighted. I don't think it's copyrighted by the person who came up copyrighted, but I don't think it's copyrighted by the person who came up with it, is it? No, it's copyrighted by the person it was said about. Oh, that's the, that's the, that's the quite clever thing of irony. Rebecca Vardy, she coined it.

She is making the money from every time. So that whenever anyone refers, she, she gets money and also she can limit when it's used. So if I trademarked like Ginger Jesus in that exact tone of voice, then every time someone said that in the street, I'd be like, you actually are infringing on my copyrights. You will be receiving a strongly worded letter. I did when I was younger. I feel like now I'm kind of a grownup now, and I feel people don't yell things at grownups as much as they do when you're younger. I look exactly the same. I don't. I look haggard, but with pretty much the same hair.

— No! You just have an air of, don't mess with me, maybe. — Yeah, yeah, exactly. They know that I have been working out. I have done in the 20 years that have passed numerous pushups. You wouldn't, I don't even know how many. It could easily double figures. So I'm pretty dangerous. But yeah. So what I heard is that because there was the stories of the Lancelot and Juan Javier story, Geron had become quite obsessed and quite jealous that Enid was going to cheat on him. And because nearby another woman might have been cheating. And he was like, we need to move to Devon, which I guess is, despite your accent work,

the least sexual county. We need to go somewhere where all the guys are really unattractive, Devon. Yeah. They moved to Devon and tried to protect the borders. Everybody was really sad to see Enid go because everybody loved her. Then they got settled in and then he started getting into his tournaments again. He started enjoying relaxation and leisure after all that because he spent so much time in bed and they had a bit of a Yoko Ono situation where they just spent loads of time in bed. There was no one worth fighting. And so he just stayed in his chamber

alone with his wife and he started losing his affection of his noble man. And people started murmuring and mocking him. Oh, you like your wife. Oh, you loser. Well, I think he was quite jealous. He was quite jealous of his wife. So he was kind of, kind of keeping an eye on her that she wasn't going to, you know, romance, you know, romantic stuff. Yeah.

Checking her test. And then in the night one day or one morning when she was awake and he was asleep, he was there lying asleep and a little bit of the duvet had come away from his nipples. And she was looking at him going, oh, I feel so bad that people are mocking and murmuring about him. And then she says, woe is me if it is on my account that these arms and chest are losing the fame and prowess they once possessed. And then she cried onto him. And then that woke him up as well as the words. And the last words he heard made him go, what, you fancy other men? No.

We've all had valentines days like this. It's understanding. Why are you flirting with a waiter? You understanding. Why are you floating with a waiter? You know. Why are you crying on my chest? This is a horribly insecure geraint. Yeah. And it's unfortunately an ongoing qualm that he has.

He's very insecure. Terrible, terrible vibes. I have a quote that he jumped up and said, I'm still a warrior, despite all rumours, and I will at once go on a quest in order to prove my prowess. Wow. But when you have to imagine that his willy was out when he said that, it does make it a bit less impressive.

He also said, I may be effeminate, but I will fight this next battle with iron, and then he throws down his purse. And that's actual- Trucks his money away. said, I may be a feminine, but I will fight this next battle with iron. And then he throws down his purse and that's actual money away. It's, you know, in the Simpsons, when Homer goes to clown school and he just stands up from the table is like, I've had enough. I'm going to go to clown school. Yes. I haven't seen that one.

Good. It's a good episode. Home of the Clown. Pause the podcast, go watch it everyone. Origin of the Classic Line. I'm seeing double here for Krusty's. Which in context is very funny. The Quest. Are we into The Quest?

Yeah. Wait, wait, wait. There's a quest that hasn't begun yet. So Garin tosses down his purse and he goes, look, I'm going to fight with some iron. I don't know really what the quest is actually. It doesn't specify, but he says, right, you put on your worst dress. He tells her to put on her worst dress, but it's like you fancied her in her rags. So really, what are you playing at?

But they go out and he says, go out ahead of me, keep a good lead and don't utter a single word. And he's like, unless I speak to you, you're not speaking. Not ideal. And then as they're going along, she overhears three or four, three nights, four nights going, oh, let's fight. Let's go and fight him. Look at that downcast, solitary, melancholy, listless night. Slagging him off. But Enid, because she's ahead, she can hear. And so she goes back and because they're like, oh, we'll beat him up and we'll get all his armor and horses and we'll have the woman.

And so Enid goes back to Garen and just tells him. And then he's like, your words mean nothing to me. So rude, because he's like, I told you not to say anything, actually. Told you not to say a word, and you're just saying things. And then he comes to these four knights, and then he kills all of them nonchalantly. And then, so now he's got four horses

and four sets of shiny new armor, and he gets her to walk ahead again with all the horses and all the stuff. And I think the dead knights too. Mason- You have to assume. Angus It would be easy. It's the easiest way to carry armor, I suppose, will be still on the dead knight rather than having to deconstruct it like a big box of Lego and sort of carry that. Emma- Yeah. So she's going ahead with all this stuff and then she sees another three knights and

they call him drooping dejected knight and that they're going to have the woman and three sets of free armor as well as killing him and the woman. Okay. So she goes back and she's like, look, these three knights have just said this, between me and God, more tiresome to me than the men's words is the fact that you will not keep quiet for me. He kills those three. So now they've got seven bodies, seven sets of armor, seven horses. They come across five more knights. What? I didn't see there was five more.

Yeah, there's five more. What could possibly happen here? You'll never guess. They call him solitary, spineless, sluggish and sorrowful. And she goes back and tells him, and then he's again, he's just like, why are you talking to me? And this is like me with Alexander from the traitors, because I heart all his stories. And he's just like, why are you talking? Just leave me alone. And so now they've got 12 bodies, 12 horses, load of all this. And they get to the Earl's lodgings. Earl Limer's? Liemauers? Liemuers. Liemuers. It's Devonian Dorset or Cornwall, because it's described as being bandit country adjoining to Devon. I'm guessing that's Dorset, the wretched hive

of scum and villainy. Earl Limer's. Ollie Moors. Ollie Moors. Earl Limer's. The Ollie Moors. So, Ollie Moors gets them to come in and like stay with them, but he fancies Enid. He says, you spin me right around. I don't know. What's Olly Moses' song?

What's Olly Moses' song? I just said, annoys. I don't even know if that's a person. I'm going to have to look it up. He just wanted to dance with her tonight. And there was that time when he caused problems in central London because he thought there was a terrorist attack. Those are the two things I remember about him. Oh, yes, I did hear about that. He tweeted there's was a terrorist attack. Those are the two things I remember about him.

Oh yes, I did hear about that. He tweeted there's been a terrorist attack, but it turned out nothing had happened. Yes, this is how I know who he is. Okay. So anyway, I thought there was a song about, anyway, to just depict. He said that his heart skipped skip to beat when he saw her. Skip to beat, that's the one. I knew it was something to do with the record. But as discussed, I'm an old lady. I had a different reference from the 80s. Anyway, so he lets them come in and he looks after them, but he's like, I'm going to get with Enid.

And so he's like trying to get off with her. And she's like, no, I'm not even slightly interested. You know, Cliff Richard puts another wrinkle on this. I think this must again must be from the Tennyson poem. There's an extra wrinkle to the whole Olly Murs situation. Cliff Richard's wrinkles, new section of the show. Just work on the jingle. Earl of Murs, which does sound like I'm saying only bears in a posh voice,

Earl Emmer's was one of her exes, was Enid's ex. Ooh. Yes, a previous suitor. Gereint isn't going to take this very well. He's already... I think he'll be fine. Gulp. He said to her, when G Geraint's back was turned, he said, I cannot be pleased. It cannot be pleasant for you.

What kind of journey are you on? And she goes, I prefer to follow that man than to have maidservants. Again, me and Alexander for the matrators. I prefer to follow-up. To be fair, the first reasonable question anybody has asked in the whole thing, seeing a guy with like 12 corpses behind him and a woman in rags, is to be like, what kind of journey are you on? What is it that you thought you would need? This many corpses? This is the insight of Olly Murs. How can we explain Olly Murs to Americans?

He's, cause I would, I would normally have said he was like, he's a sub Robbie Williams, but it turns out they don't even know who Robbie Williams is. Yeah. We'll have to wait until they do a biopic where he's just a dog maybe or a Olly Murs possible idea for a biopic there. No, that points itself. Who? You might ask if you didn't know who Olly Murs was. He was in Britain's Got Talent or Britain Idol. Britain's Idol.

Britain Idol. I love, one of my favorite shows, Britain Idol. I love one of my favorite shows, Britain Heidel. Britain has a celebrity get me out of here. She tells him, she goes, right, Olly Murs, tell you what then, since you cannot be put off, how about you come and get me this time tomorrow. Just take me, take me away. And so he's like, all right then, great. But then she in the night of the night goes to Geraint and goes, look, Olly Murs is after me. Let's leave Cracker Dawn, get out of here.

And then, so they leave, and then flipping Geraint is like, go ahead of me, speak to me. So he's still going on with this. I must admit, I don't understand her plan to, I'm not defending him, not defending him in any way, but I don't understand why she said that to that man. Just to get him off her case. I think, cause I think she was like, Oh, right. Okay. To shut him up. Yes. I'll see you tomorrow. Yeah. I'll take your number. I think so. Yeah. Exactly. Change a digit. Yeah. Change the fact that you're not going to even be

at that court in the morning or whenever it is that you're going to, you know. Right. I see. I see. So that was the plan. And so they leave, but as they leave, she warns him about something in the mist. And then he says, your warning means nothing to me. So he's still, she's warned him about loads of stuff. Like 13, 11 people that have tried to attack and kill him. But I don't know if he's going, I would have just killed them anyway. Like, your words mean nothing to me.

And it's more tiresome to have to hear your words. You say it best when you say nothing at all. Romantic. Is it like he's driving and she's sort of pointing out, like, there's a car. Red light. Got it. I got it. Yes, I am driving. driving and she's sort of pointing out like there's a car. Yes, I am driving. But why is he making a go ahead? By the way, that was Ronan Keating that Jenny was just singing there and he would be maybe a stout. So she's luring, she's getting, she's, they're coming up from the mist at them.

They're coming through the mist. He's presumably just, what's going on? Is he going to slay again? Well, they come across Brennan Buchan. Brennan Buchan? Which translates as little king. Hey, short king. He's a short king.

Oh no, they come across, to begin with, they come across somebody who says, don't go down there. Brennan Buchan's down there and he fights everyone he meets. So try and avoid that neck of the woods. Yeah. Short King syndrome, isn't it? Yeah. Not Alexander from the traitors. Anyway, probably.

He really reminds me of an Owlert. Like some of the pictures of an Owlert. Anyway. Yes, I love that. Like some of the pictures of an Owl alert anyway. Yes, I love that. A little fling up of a wrist. No time for fun banter. We've got a story to get through. Sorry.

Yep, yep, yep, yep. So Geraint is like, I'm going to go whichever the goddamn hell way I want to go. And so he goes down there and then he has a fight. And I think this is a fight with Brennan Brujjan. Brennan Brujjan again has a fight to the point where the blood and sweat disable his vision. Maybe he had no eyebrows. It does sound like he maybe didn't have eyebrows. That's put a human face sort of on it for me. Someone who also doesn't have eyebrows.

He does his signature move which is swords to the top of the head. And it does a wound to the bone bunch of guys. So Ben-Ambar Khan asks for mercy. Geraint says, you will have my mercy, though you were rude and overbearing. It's like Geraint is so like, highly strong that someone's rude and overbearing. He's like, I'm going to make your skull be on display. Then he's left bleeding and uncomfortable. And then they go to Arthur. They finally get to Arthur's court, I think. Mason. Arthur, comma, King. Anna. Yeah. Mason. Not Arthur the cartoon character. Anna. He goes,

Oh, Enid, what sort of journey is this? And she says, I do not know, Lord, except that I must travel where my Lord, he travels on the road he travels. And then they go again on another. What? What? Yeah, they go out again. I assume that was the end of the journey. No, there's another journey and he's like right out ahead of me. Cliff Richard's notes say that Tennyson sort of excused it by saying that Geraint still

loved her so much. He was worried that he would say something lovely and he didn't want her to hear. And that's why he made her ride off on her own, which I think is clutching at straws. Really clutching at straws. Cause my one has it that he was, he didn't want to say something horrible to her. Like he didn't want to be even toxicker if possible.

The diehard romantic that is Cliff Richard. That's what a Cliff's wrinkles. And so then they're going out along and they find a clearing on the road and they hear a scream, a horrible blood curdling scream. Exactly like that. They find a woman and a dead knight and their horses and they're like, what's what's happened here? And the woman goes, man here has been killed by three giants. There weren't any giants in my story. Cliff Richards did not mention any giants.

A great line if you've ever just been caught having murdered someone to be like, just came here and kill that guy. And I was fine. They didn't notice me, but wow, you should have shown me where a minute ago, cause you would have seen three giants. What is the giants? There's three of them. Stabs one of them through the head trails. And then the third one, he stabs him so hard that all his wounds open and blood pours out. What, any scars that you ever had? Slave in his appendix. Poof.

Yeah. The one on his knee from the first day of school. Poof. Oh. What a disgusting way to kill someone. Yeah, because Geraint hasn't really painted himself as the greatest guy. But yeah, so the giants all get killed. Hey, these giants killed that night.

Come on, let's have a bit of balance here. Let's not forget what these giants did. In the fighting, Geraint gets wounded to the point that beyond he's been wounded before. And then when he catches sight with Enid, they like look at each other and then Gheraint falls off his horse as if dead. Enid is like, no, he's dead. And she's like really sad because she still likes him. She's like you with Alexander after he'd had that fight with those three giants. And fighting with Freddie and well, no, he didn't fight with anybody.

He was just a nice man, just a nice man. The Earl came and then he buried the dead night, the one with the woman that they found in the clearing. So he buried him. The Earl, doom, doom. He is like, I sense that there might still actually be a bit of life found in the clearing. So he buried him. The Earl Doorm. He is like, I sense that there might still actually be a bit of life left in Geraint. Although he looks dead, I'm getting a vibe that there's some life in him. So they take him back. Like Princess Bride. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he goes, don't worry, Enid, like, we'll get him on the mend. And

so they get all these like medical geniuses to look at him. And they're like, we'll get him on the mend. And so they get all these, like, medical geniuses to look at him and they're like, he's there unconscious and all the medical staff are doing their best. And this is like just a standard bank holiday in Bangor at the weekend. Wounded, bruised people, you can't tell if they're okay. And then, but the Earl, even though he brought him back to be treated, he's like, and it is really fine. He's like, Oh, come on, just have a little something to eat. Why don't you eat with me?

She's like, I will not eat until my Geraint eats. And he's like, just have a little drink then. Just have a little bit, a little glass of wine. And she's like, I will not drink until he is drinking with me. And then Flippin, what's his name? Dorm. Dorm. It's like Dorm but it's got a R in it.

Dorm turns out to be toxic man as well because he says, well and good. I am no better being kind to you than unkind and clouts her across the ear. What? Bad move, Durham. Yeah, I mean, I think Enid needs to just take a long hard look at the men she's hanging out with, move on with her life and maybe establish some kind of lesbian commune. Or at the very least, some kind of Ricky Lake intervention is needed at this point. Is that what Ricky Lake does now? I don't know. I'm following her career. No, I mean, back in the, when these dysfunctional relationships would go on that show. It was just

a slightly nicer version of Jerry Springer. You'd have to have a wide shot for the three giants as well though, wouldn't you? Yeah. So he's like, I may as well, I may as well just be horrible to you, slaps her. And then she screams, a piercing scream that makes Geraint regain consciousness. And then he gets his sword. Where do you think he hits the man? All of his wounds. Why change something that works? Top of his head. Top of his head. And then he brought the sword down on him until the

table was what stopped the sword. So that's how... That's gone through quite a lot of man. Yeah. Yeah. So do room do room has had it. There's two room now. As he's done this, he looks over at Enid and he's sad for two reasons. Then on the guess what those two reasons are. A he's just been really horrible to her.

He missed the opportunity to tell her off for making a noise. Is it because she said something? Did she say something without permission? You're not far off. So he's sad because first of all, to see that Enid has lost her colour and appearance. I've just been walking in complete silence for about four years at this point. She's been dragging around nine dead nights at his behest. She's looking a bit less hot. And then the other reason that he was sad is because he realised she was right.

All along. Oh, feminism. Wow. Romance. All along. Oh, feminism. Wow. Romance. Okay. Well, it was a long road, but we got there in the end. And then Gerard gets treated by the medical team back to full health. And then everyone around him is talking about these enchanted games, which came out of nowhere, right? And he stops eating because he's like,

I bet they won't let me play the game. He's so real, real live wire. Stop being such a baby, Geraint. And then his host is like, why aren't you eating? Why aren't you sad? If you want, we won't even play the games. He's like, no, I want to play the games and I want you to show me the way. They go down to where the games are and it's all misty and there's hedges with stakes in with man's heads on all the stakes apart from two. And then in the middle of

the green is like two chairs and on one of the chairs is a really smoking hot woman but not Enid. I don't know who this woman is. And then Garen is like, right, I'll come and sit in that chair with you. And she's like, better, that's not actually my partner's chair. So he doesn't take kindly to people sitting in his chair. And he's like, I'm going to sit in his chair anyway. So he sits in his chair. To what extent is this a game? I don't think this is really a game per se.

Is there any music playing while they're going to sit in these chairs? Cause if it is, I might know what game it is. to sit in these chairs because if it is I might know what game it is. And then the person whose chair it is, who I'm not clear on, it's a knight or an earl, but it doesn't really tell me which one it is. There have been so many at this point. But the partner of this woman comes over and he's like, right, let's have a fight. And they break three lances again. They get through a bunch of lances and then someone's sitting there.

That's my chair. That's my space. Get your lance. Get your lance. No one's sitting in that chair until someone's skull is on display. Well, the computer has gone down naturally. So there aren't really any reserved seats on display. Well, the computer has gone down actually, so there aren't really any reserved seats on this. So, yeah.

Kind of a free fall now. And then the person asks for mercy off of Geraint because he's battered him. And then they just agree to never do the games again. That was the games? How is it the games? Yeah, and I don't really get what was enchanted. Oh, so then it does get a little bit enchanted because at the end of that, they're like, right, this game has gone from here forever. And then Geraint goes and get rid of had to exist until whomsoever come and like...

This is like when a toddler tells you a story, Jenny. This is the most confusing thing. That mist had to exist. Until someone could beat him in battle, beat him in a duel. Someone could out-duel him. Someone who can lance him up. So that mist can only go at that point. And then he goes, okay, well, that's what I did. And so they hand him a horn and he blows the horn and the mist disappears and everyone is reconciled. And

Geraint returns to his own kingdom. And then he ruled successfully from then on and got praise and admiration for him and for Enid ever after. Happy Welsh Valentine's. It doesn't say that they, that he ever apologized to Enid. Ay, yai, yai. Said he'd go and do some, do some work with the Dabros. Oh, he blew all that mist off. Got rid of the magic mist, so...

Isn't that enough of an apology? I said you were right. And then I tried to crack on to someone else and there was some sort of magic mist. My head got turned. So a little bit of harmless chair sitting James. I was just sitting next to that woman to test myself. What chair was Cassa Amor? So a little bit of harmless chair sitting James. I was just sitting next to that woman to test myself. That chair was Cassa Amor.

Exactly. Shall we to the scores? Let's do the romantic Valentine's Day scores. Yes. I think I said that fine. No need to fix that in the edit. Valentine's Day. Thank you for saying it. In a proper romantic Welsh accent. The first category, what's your first category?

Naming. Okay. Well, you do this to me every time. They're all Welsh. Geraint. So that's quite good. And then there was Olly Mures. Early Murs. Count Doorm. I think there was a Count Doorm. Doorm. The Earl of Doorm. Alexander from the traitors.

That A popped up, yeah, a couple of times. There's also people called Morgan Toot. Morgan Toot. He was one of the specialist medical practitioners that came and helped when Geraint was in a bad way. Yeah. There's also somebody called Gwalchmai. Ooh.

Someone called Cai. There was that guy called Gwelch Mai. Ooh. Somebody called Cai. There was that guy, Eddyn the Nude. Eddyn the Nude, yeah, son of Nude. I didn't realise that two D's meant th. Double D, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Because I thought it was, he was son of, son of Nude. And I thought that would be funny, but then it wasn't that.

It was just a different word. Brennan Buchan, short king. Short King. Oh, bread and butter. Yes. The short king. Yes. I did like the short king.

I liked the, the, the three short giants. They were good. Not exactly a name though. Enid, Enid. Enid, Enid, Enid. Yeah. You've added a little Welsh twist to a name. Yeah. Come on then. What, what've added a little Welsh twist to a name.

Come on then. What are we going to give it? I'm going to say it's a three out of five because I can't remember any of them. Apart from early Moors. Apart from early Moors. Yeah, I remember Arthur, King Arthur, the artwork. Yeah, they didn't repeat the names a lot. And so I found it quite hard to figure out which Earl was being referenced. So I suppose I'll accept three. If you brought this as like a screenplay to a writer's group, they'd be like, there's too many different Earls in this. You can't just go to another location and have a different Earl appear.

It's confusing. I think Tennyson, according to Cliff Richard, I think Tennyson had condensed a few of the ending Earls together. Earl Fusion from Alfred. think Tennyson had condensed a few of the ending earths together. Oh, fusion from Alfred. Lord Tennyson. Was that his middle name? I don't know. I don't know. It's a weird way of saying it.

It's like you remember halfway through his name that he's a Lord. Yeah. Alfred, Lord Tennyson. Lord Tennyson. Unless you were just surprised by him. Is it like saying absolutely? That's going to sound a lot worse with the broom. Right then. Okay.

Well, let's go for supernatural then I think. Next, what do you reckon? Supernatural. Well, I was inclined to say quite low. I mean, yes, there were giants and there was a magic horn that blows off mists. But actually, I think Enid's love for Geraint cannot be explained. It was almost unnatural. It's beyond conception that she would love him that much considering he was horrible

almost all the way through. Yeah, okay. Nice nipples, we understood. But come on. So yeah, I think it's a four out of five for Supernatural. Thank you. Okay, good. Yeah. Yeah, I was thinking that it was going to be none. And then when I got to the giants, I was like, here we go. Here we go. Yeah, no, it's four out of five for Supernatural for Geraint's Supernaturals. Next category.

Hit him, Jenny. get him, get him. The next category is treat him incredibly incredibly mean, keep them unexpectedly keen. Yes! I'm nervous. Surprisingly keen. That was what I was meant to say, sorry. It's like he's writing one of those awful advice books. It is very the game. It's maybe that's the game they were playing at the game at the end was the book, the game where it tells you how to be horrible to women. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

For fun and profit. Yeah. What an awful guy. Is it P.U.A.? Yes, he is. But what he picks up are corpses of other knights. That's not, it's a really terrible story.

And I hope, and I, cause I know a lot of them, impressionable young men are listening to podcasts. And I assume most of them are listening to this one guys. No, don't do that. Don't treat women this way. However, it was shockingly effective. So it's five out of fives, but I don't want that to suggest that the law men podcast endorses it, but you can't

argue with results. Oh yes, no, don't, don't, anyone. We're just presenting these really sexy moves to you for documentary purposes. We're not endorsing any of them. Do better, do better. We better get to our last category. What is the final romantic category for this Valentine's Day episode? The last category is midwife crisis. Well, okay.

I'm just going to do a quick side by air to explain to the listener. I came up with this one during the secret interval where we think of them. And I think it's really good. And I think Jenny has deliberately undersold it to make me look bad. So I don't think she's bought any of the classic Collier. The zing on it, the zip, the spin. So now if I give it an instant five out of five, I'm going to look bad. And people will be like, why did that one, that was a bit rubbish, but I think she didn't really sort of sell it. Did I say it right? Did I not say it right? No, you said it right. You said it right. But sort of just without passion.

I know what it means, but I was just wondering if you could explain to the listener what it might mean. Midwife crisis. So he's so he has a big midlife crisis and he's like panicking about his relationship. Because of his tear stained chest. Yeah. And so he goes on this big sort of vision quest sort of like gets a new outfits and try you know tries to I think it was quite a good one. Yeah. Yeah.

Fine. That's all right then. It's two out of five. If you don't think it's a good category. Wait. I just didn't get it. Fine. Nobody likes it. James, I told you to walk ahead and not speak to me. I'm furious. But there's people here who are going to talk your scores down. No, no, no. Don't speak to me. Two out of five. No, all right. Three out of five. I think it's a good category. I think it's a good category now. I think you should give it more. I think you should give it five because it's such a good

category. Well, I don't feel patronized now, but okay, five out of five for my category, midwife crisis. And if you thought that was good wordplay, please write in to say that I am good. And if you didn't, then keep it yourself. Yeah, or I'll whack you on the top of the head right down to the table. Only to be stopped by tables. Thank you very much Jenny for another wonderful Welsh Valentine's experience. So romantic. Thanks for having me. I've got a worry I think we have surely bled the Mabasnogion dry of romance. Yeah, yeah, sounds like that woman who's going to fix the horse.

But yes, thank you very much. We will find some more Welsh stories for next year, don't worry. Okay. Yeah, I thought you were dumping me then. Oh, no, no, no. I'm just managing the listener expectation. I'm managing the listener of my expectations that I just need to stop looking at the Mavis Nobion now because that is as close to romance as we had left.

That terrible, terrible man. But thank you very much, Jenny. Where can people find more of you? You can find me on Instagram, at Jenjen Collier, and X, but I don't really use it anymore, so mainly Instagram, TikTok. TikTok. TikTok. Tick tock. Tick tock.

And I would say YouTube, but I'm not on it anymore because I've been deleted for no part reason. Re-instate Jenny. Re-instate me please. If you could all club together and tell everybody at YouTube to sort me out, that'd be great. Wonderful. Thank you very much, Jenny. Thanks, Jenny. Are you going much. Jenny. Thanks Jenny. Are you going to Rua walk up a mountain? Have you walked up a mountain?

I am going to do a trek in Matagonia, which is Welsh for Patagonia. And it's in aid of Felindra, which is a Welsh cancer center. And they do loads of amazing work work and it's an amazing cause. And a bunch of us are going to do this trek, which is seven days. Cancer Center and they do loads of amazing work and it's an amazing cause. And a bunch of us are going to do this trek, which is seven days. Some of them are 12 hour day treks carrying all of our pack with us, all our stuff. Are you allowed to talk to the people on the trip? And everyone's bitching about us up ahead, but I'm not allowed to tell anyone.

When is that? That sounds amazing. And where can people... I've got a link to it on my Instagram, which is the Velindra page. And it's got all the information about the track and about the center. I have to raise 7,000 pounds. Holy macaroni. Yeah.

That's actually a bit over optimistic. So I may have overshot my load. I think that's what that phrase means. Yeah. And I'm trying to do some training as well because I've done like day hikes, but I haven't done seven day, 12 hour blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But it should be good. It should be amazing. And I learned all about Matagonia in primary school. And so I learned all about the Péomars, because they've got pumas there, apparently. And hard to grow crops.

Also beautiful landscape and like glaciers and all this. And so that'll be really amazing. If anybody wants to sponsor me, that would be lovely. But no pressure. I'm not very good at asking for money. Well, they can go to the website and the website or the link will do it for you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's all sponsor Jenny to see a glass here or whatever it was.

Fight a puma. Pay Jenny and she will kill a puma for you. Wonderful. Thank you very much, Jenny. Cheers. Bye. Thank you. Bye. Bye. What a romantic story, James. Wasn't it just though, because there was all that horrible man stuff in there.

Yeah, yeah. A lot of murder. A lot of people getting chopped on the top of the head. Yeah, that was pretty grim. Happy Valentine's, everyone. Yeah, chop your top off. Valentine's. Yes.

And please do sponsor Jenny. We'll pop a link in the thing. Go and check that out and see what it's all about. And thank you very much for listening to us. Thank you very much to Joe for editing this episode. If you would like to join the Lore folk, you can do it at patreon.com forward slash lawmen pod. If you want to give us a review, that's a good thing. Yeah, that's a nice thing. Give us a five star review. And it does do something apparently I read recently.

read recently. Well, I was thinking that's the sort of, that joke is, that's worth being recorded. Can we get the recorder going? Say something about Tortellini again. I've had a delicious dinner of Tortellini. It really was delicious. Yes. I always thought Tortellini would be a good name for a tortoise who was a magician. That's lovely stuff. Yeah, you can drop that in literally any episode. That's the good thing about that. Yeah. Natural off the cuff observation.