Loremen Podcast - Loremen S6Ep30 - Bonny Bona of the Great North Road

Episode Date: August 28, 2025

Buff the buckles on your shoes and ready your bodices for ripping. James has plucked a tale of betrayal and romance from the annals of Yorkshire legend. SMASH CUT: It's another Shakeshaft Movie Special. This time featuring gambling dens, a fortune teller, an innocent man accused and - of course - gentlemen of the road (i.e. highwaymen / thieves). This episode was edited by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Joseph Burrows - Audio Editor⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Join the LoreFolk at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠patreon.com/loremenpod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ko-fi.com/loremen⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Check the sweet, sweet merch here... ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.teepublic.com/stores/loremen-podcast?ref_id=24631⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ @loremenpod ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube.com/loremenpodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/loremenpod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.facebook.com/loremenpod⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Bank more oncores when you switch to a Scotia Bank banking package. Learn more at scotiabank.com slash banking packages. Conditions apply. Scotia Bank, you're richer than you think. Summer's here, and you can now get almost anything you need for your sunny days, delivered with Uber Eats. What do we mean by almost? Well, you can't get a well-groom lawn delivered, but you can get a chicken parmesan delivered. A cabana? That's a no. But a banana, that's a yes.

A nice tan. Sorry. Nope. But a box fan? Happily, yes. A day of sunshine? No. A box of fine wines? Yes. Uber Eats can definitely get you that. Get almost, almost anything delivered with Uber Eats. Order now. Alcohol and select markets. Product availability may vary by Regency app for details. Welcome to Lawmen, a podcast about local legends and obscure curiosities from Days of Yore. I'm James Shakespeare. I'm Alastair Beckett King And Alistair I'm stepping on your toes a little bit with this one Because I'm doing a northern story

A fine northern tale Delivered in your Oxfordshire Brogue James, it's unacceptable Oh alright wait up we're going up to the East Riding of York I sorry I forget that it's not a brogue It's a burr You got a burr there Well I give you permission James

But it better be a fine tale of mischief And confusing occurrences You bet your bottom dollar It is, because this is the tale of Bonnie Boehner. Oh, hey there, Alistair. Hi, James. How are you doing? Very well.

Thank you. Thank you for asking. Good. Good to hear. Good to know. Now, I'm just, I'm a little apprehentious. You apprehentious? Apprehentious.

Apprehentious. Apprehentious? Apprehensive. Sure. We all have a lot of fun with apprehentious, but the word is apprehensive. I'm nervy. Nervish. I'm nervous.

I fear I'm treading on your toes a little with this one. Ouch, my toes. What's happening, James? Yeah, we're basically, we're at Akali and you're my mother-in-law because I'm doing a story from round your, round your way. My manner. Up your manner. Yeah.

Wasn't that a 70s sitcom? Yeah, but it was, it won't be being re-shed. This is mostly set in York Gate. Oh. Which is kind of up your way, right? Where is York Gate? Is this in the city of York? I'm guessing it's at the very least on the edge of the city of York.

Well, that's odd because gate usually means road in Yorkshire. So York Gate wouldn't be in York. Oh, as in Whitmer-Watma? Oh, as in Whitmer-Watma? Yeah, like Whitmer, like Whitmer-Watma, yes. with my what my gate. It's on the Great North Road. Oh, yeah.

It is a good road. On an area known as the street. So this is all very, like the SEO is awful for it. But they didn't need it because it was coaching in times. You didn't have a choice. Of course, this was coaching in times, yeah. My guess would be that York Gate is a street going to York, not in York. Just like the way Oxford Road isn't in Oxford.

There is an Oxford Road in Oxford. What? I'm pretty sure. I meant to say Oxford Street as well. There probably is in Oxford. But you know what I mean? Like every other place has a place called London Road, except London, which probably does have a London road. There's an Oxford Road. Yes.

There's Enando's. Oh, no, that's Cowley Road. Anyway, yes, exactly. It's always quite inconsistify it. It's like the road that vaguely went in that direction. But this one, it must be nearby because all these stories are set around your manner. And the book I'm taking them from is The Hand of Glory. Sorry, I should have taken a deeper breath.

The Hand of Glory and Further Grandfather's Tales and Legends of Highwaymen and Others. Great title. Collected by the late R. Blakeborough, edited by J. Fairfax Blakeborough MC, with decorations by Windham Pine. MC? Yeah. The story behind this is R. Blakebra died on the 23rd of April 1918, whilst J. Fairfax Blake Brer, who it transpires as his son, was at war in France.

Twist. Not really a twist. Well, no, not really a twist. I've got the same surname. While he was at war in France, World War I, which is, as we know, the Queen Elizabeth I of Wars. Yeah, absolutely. The story behind this is quite interesting.

So Richard Blakebra collected all these tales and was going to publish them in 1914, but war happened. And as you can tell from the dates, he died before the end of the war. So his son took them together and published them. And it's very, in the intro, he kind of describes this. And you could get a real sense the son is quite a very humble guy. He says, beyond an introduction to some of the stories and occasional annotations, which may help to illuminate the text and add additional information, I personally claim no merit for this book. My position has simply been that of editor. And later he says,

whether generations yet to come will value these old folk tales more than that of today remains to be seen. And we're now doing it on a podcast over 100 years later. So that's very nice. Yeah, that's quite nice.

But will we value them or will we be sneering about them? Well, look, today's story is called Bonnie Bonner. Okay, valuing. I'm already placing a high value on this story. Now, I'm sorry. I did triple check.

the pronunciation of that, and it is, it is Bona, B-O-N-A, Bona. Not Bonner. I thought it might have been Bonnie Bonner, but I think it is Bonnie Bono. Does that mean we should be pronouncing U-2's Bono as Bono? If he was a, that makes him sound more like a dog food. We do say pro-bono, don't we? We all say pro-bono. And so I've been pronouncing Bono's name wrong all this time.

And Bonafidey. Bono. And Bono-Fidey. Yeah. And Bonio, the dog food. Yes, yeah. Yeah. So it is, it is.

as a name as well, not even like, as in Bonafide, like I looked up, because it is a name that means good, a good person. Yeah, so is it Latin as well as being peddlers French, Boner, I assume? I guess so, yeah. But basically, we're going to say the word boner. I'm going to say the word boner a lot in this one, and it is a person's name. I did want to just pick up one other bit from the introduction where Jay Fairfax, Blake Brough, he describes the Northerner. Oh, great, let's hear it. There is, even yet, a solid reserve and reticence in the makeup of the northerner. It is an integral part of our personality. Strangers often ascribe it to poverty of words.

Oh, nonsense. Inability to grasp the import of questions or to martial ideas. To willful obtuseness and uncommunicativeness. Uncommunicativeness. Yes, thanks. The fact of the matter is, and it was exaggerated in my father's early days, the northerner is suspicious of strangers and does not readily open his heart or mind

to those whom he imagines are idly curious or are seeking to draw him. Like a spotter's guide. Like you're hunting northerners. Yeah. The northerner is a wary fellow. Yeah, well it says... Well versed in tricks. Does not readily open his heart or mind

to those whom he imagines are idly curious or are seeking to draw him as a terrier tries to draw a badger merely for sports. I will never be drawn like a terrier draws a badger. I'm a northerner. I hate that. The hardy folk of the northern counties are hypersensitive in their fear of being laughed at.

There's a lot of comedians from the north. Or what they have been talked to think are amusing peculiarities and idiosyncrasies. So one still has to break through their natural guard and reticence, air one reaches the real man and truth. So, yeah, Bonnie Bonner. Didn't like being laughed at this character, Bonnie Bono. I will. Bonnie Bono.

There's, oh, this is a, I almost want to do this. this one in a film format, but we'll get there because there's a lot more background to go. This has got the credits up front. This is one of them old films where all the credits are at the front. Oh, credits at the start. So William Scorer, 1799 to 1886, was a salesman of cattle and sheep. And he traveled up and down the north road by coach, you know, in them old days, as he was the most interesting link between the old coaching era and more modern times.

Fairfax Blakebrough is collecting this story from his dad, Richard Blakebrough, who died in 1918, who collected this story from William Scorer, whose dates are 1799 to 1886. So we're stretching really far back. In fact, the story was told to this guy on Christmas Eve, 1819, so 200 years ago. And it comes from a manuscript book, which William Scorer collected all these stories in, because he'd hear them in the coaching in. and he made a note of all of them and they're described as stories which serve to entertain

more than one generation of travellers legends of witches and fairies of bad dwarves and good elves of haunted roads and houses of spectral coaches and very real highwaymen together with strange incidents which formed a part of the poetry of the road

a poetry which has never belonged to the rail steam pot despised by Edgerton Warburton Just getting the booting on trains there? Yeah, I think so. Oh, there's no mysteries around trains. Jokes on you. There's loads of train ghosts.

There are. I just read a... Now. I've read a really good collection of train ghost stories recently. Have you seen those collection of books by the British Library? British Library, yes. And there's really loads of them. There's like ghosts on Wednesdays.

Yes. And they're all stories about ghosts that appeared on a Wednesday. Ghosts in dolls. Ghosts on Wednesdays. Ghosts in fires. Yep. Yeah, the train ghost one was a lot of fun. I enjoyed that. But I did look up Edgerton Warburton because I've never heard that name before. And as far as I can tell, he was a poet who was really

rich and absolutely loved hunting. Big fan of hunting. Northerners or animals? I think animals. I googled Edgerton Warburton and Steampot. And all I could find was from a collection of hunting songs. And the context of it is, here's to Mac Adam, the Mac of All Mac. Here's to the road we ne'er tire on. Let me but roll over the granite he cracks. Rai G who like it on iron. Let the steam pot hiss till it's hot. Give me the speed of the tantivie trot.

I don't know. So what he means. So, Macadam is the guy who invented tarmac, right? Is he? Yeah, that's what the Mac I think in tarmac is. So I guess he's saying roads are better than trains? Roads are better than railways? Yeah, well, a Tantavi trot, Tantavi is usually used as a hunting cry when the chase is at full speed.

I don't know why he dislike trains, though. I guess because you can't hunt them. Well, you can, but they're very predictable, so it's... Oh, it's too easy. Yeah, it's too easy. You know where they are. That's why British trains deliberately run 10 to 15 minutes late in order to confuse the hunters. Just to make it a bit of fun.

It's a bit of a challenge. So, to the story. So with the film's opening now, smash cut, because all films start with a smash. Every film starts with a smash cut, yeah. Text on screen, Xmas Eve, 1819. A coach crashes into our wagon and bust its wheel, and the passengers are forced to stay in York Gate. And one of the passengers is William Scorer, and he sits by the fire, and someone starts to tell him a tale. Because this is a, what's it called, framing bit.

Yeah, it's a framing story, a framing device, yeah. Yeah, this is the framing device, is William Scores here in this story. So they tell of a nearby inn, the Salutation Inn, which has one of the best ordered cockpits. Hello, come in. It has one of the best ordered cockpits in the north, and this is where took place, the salutation cockings. Is this cockfighting? Yes. Okay.

It isn't as much fun as it sounds. No. The salutation cockings were quite famous. Lots of people would come there and there'd be lots of wages. Fortunes would be won and lost. And the landlord also had a hot niece. Right. Bona Braithwaite, who is described as being as comely a maiden as could be found between York and Newcastle. So this maiden's pretty comely. Yeah. So this is Bonnie Bonner. Bonnie Bonner, yes. Right. She has two suitors. Both farmer's sons with good prospects, one Tom Hoggett and the other Charles Lancaster. You can probably tell from how I said those names, Charles Lancaster was the preferred one. He becomes her beau, but one day... Hoggett's not going to like this, James.

No. Something happened. And Lancaster and Boner have an argument, a fierce quarrel, and they split up. I'm going to start to bring quarrel into my daily usage, not daily, hopefully, but I think I'm going to start to describe. of things as a quarrel. People having a quarrel. Yeah, it's one of those great words where like 400 years ago it was a proper fist fight and now it's a minor dispute. You know, like the way naughtiness used to be really bad. Yes. As I'm sure we've discussed on this podcast and now it's basically mischief and naughtiness and quarrels all very serious in the past. But they, yeah, basically

they split up and she rebounds to Hoggart. And at that time, there was a traveling fortune teller called Mother Harker. She enters the tale. I think this is the, I'm watching this home on an aeroplane and that's been dubbed over for censorship reasons. Mother Harker. Mother Harker. Was she a melon farmer? Yes. Also around that time, Bona had made friends with a young lady who came to stay at the inn, Jenny Parker.

And these two friends, Jenny and Bona, are out walking and they bump into this mother harker and she reads their palms. And they're like, Mother Harker, and Mother Harker says, Will you hear the truth, my pretty maid, or am I only to tell those things which will please a maiden's ear? And Bonner says, the truth please, good dame. And this is Bonner's palm reading. There is danger across your path and nigh at hand. I see blood also, but the line ends not in blood, but water.

Oh. Twice, thine heart has been assailed, but thy head and not thy heart has led thee astray. Thy guardian angel must have been far from thee when thou cast off thy old love for the new. I see great confusion and mystery and some sorrow, but there is happiness at the end. And then she gives Jenny her reading,

Thou hast given thy hand to one who is as true as steel. Nevertheless, there are lines about thy wedding which even I cannot read. That which thou hast in hand now will bring gold to thee, death to one, life to another. To turn back now would mean death to him who should live. Pretty, pretty confusing. Cryptic, yes. Very, very cryptic.

That's not like that poem about trains and roads and things. Steam pot. Yes, and Steam pots. Mother Harker leaves them and they're kind of a bit awkward. Yeah, that wasn't what they wanted to hear. They should have asked for the flattery and pleasant things, yeah. So Jenny sort of kind of trying to. tries to broach things with Bonner, she says, I basically says, I don't think it was a good

idea. You're splitting up with Lancaster. Also, I don't like or trust Hoggart. Oh, I got a very bad vibe from Hoggart. Yes. In the first place. Bona replies, and you better wait until you're asked for your opinion before you're off through it so freely. Yeah, should face, Jenny. Mind your own business. Why don't you trust Tom? I think you're more than half in love with Tom yourself and want to set me against him. After what you've said, I feel we cannot continue our friendship or live under the same roof, so you better seek rooms elsewhere. Wow. And Miss Parker says, as you wish, like Wesley from Princess Bride, one day I will find only that I tried to serve you. Yeah, it's at that point she realizes he's the Dreb Pirate Roberts. She's the Dread Pirate Robert,

sorry. Anyway, one day I will find, one day you will find that I only tried to serve you. She packs up her stuff, moves out, moves in with Tom Hoggert's widowed stepmom. Okay, interesting move. Bit odd. I guess there's not that many people nearby. No, I guess not. And at that point, the rumour mill starts grinding. Because this is a bit like on a soap opera like Coronation Street where a character needs to move out,

but they can't leave the street because then they leave the show. So they have to just start lodging with some other character. Like two doors down. Yeah. But yeah, so the rumor mill. starts up. Now, all of a sudden, people are saying Tom and Jenny P are going out. And Tom's visits to Bona definitely become less frequent. So she confronts Tom. Oh. And he says nothing's going on. So then so Bono says she's seen him and Jenny together, which I think is a lie. I'm a little

confused by the language, but I'm pretty sure it says it's a lie. Bono gave him the lie direct, having herself seen the twain together. Ah, no, I think that she's, Dad's giving the lie in the sense that she revealed the lie he had told by saying that she'd seen them together. Oh, okay. Well, he says, if I'm to be spied on, we'd better have no more to say to each other and started slapping his boot with his riding whip. Oh, classic to be like, oh, you spied on me just after being caught out lying. Outrageous behaviour here from Tom. Yes.

He slaps his boot with his riding whip and departs and is sort of glossed over how this happens. But that same day, Boehner learns that Hoggart had. Delivery lied to her to poison her mind against his rival Lancaster. So he was innocent. Whatever they'd argued about, which was also glossed over, was caused by a lie from Hoggart. So she happens to bump into Charlie Lancaster. This is Everset EastEnders at the minute. And they neck. Do they neck on, James? They do neck on. Great. Now, this next paragraph is wonderful and much like Quarrel, it is something I am going to need to bring into some of my storytelling.

It begins. It should have been mentioned that sometime before Miss Parker's arrival, an elderly gentleman and his daughter met with an unpleasant experience whilst being driven along the street in a leisurely manner. So the street there being this part of the Great North Road. Yeah, I feel like we've used, it should have been mentioned as a device on this podcast many times. But I like this formalised into the speeches and what just be going,

Right. I should have said, this makes it sound like. Yeah, you just got to deliver it with confidence. It should have been mentioned. It should have been mentioned sometime earlier. So, yeah, they were enjoying... Bruce Willis is dead. It should have been mentioned. Spoiler alert. It's not important. Yeah, so they're enjoying the view. The Cleveland Hills, the Hamilton's, and the Wensleydale Hills. Are these people or hills? These are hills. People are enjoying hills. Right, okay, because the Wensleydale Hills could easily be a family. Yes. But they reach one of the

lames and there's a horseman in the road. He's fiddling around with his saddle. He's blocking the road. So the boy calls out to him to make way and then the horseman who was rummaging in his saddle bag, drops the flap of the bag, revealing a masked face. Yes. There's a face in the bag. He's wearing the black silken mask. No, no, no. He's just holding the flap of the bag up. So he's... Sorry, is there a face in the bag or not? No, there is no face in the bag. Let me just, the coach is coming towards the horse. He's on the other side of the horse facing that, but he's looking in his saddlebag holding the flap of the bag up,

hiding his face, rummaging around. Oh, I see. Boy calls out to him, he drops the flat. His face is revealed wearing a black silken mask. You know the badge of the gentleman of the road. He's a highwayman. Ah, a highwayman. Yes.

I'm trying to work out where this is set, because I'm looking at the Cleveland Hills now on a map. And there's a place near it called Fryup. Oh, is that where it comes from? And Chopgate, a very meaty region of the North Yorkshire Moors. Oh, well, actually, that might come. And Beck Hole. That's where Beck lives. We've had a few becks on the share.

We have. Right, so he's basically dismount. And now, sweet maiden, I must claim toll from both of you. Your purses, chains, watches and rings will be safer in my keeping. I love your high woman voice. Who knows, but what you might meet some bad man along this road who would take your life for them? Don't keep me waiting.

I am by nature impatient. So, I mean, that's such a rotten way of doing it. He's saying, give me all your stuff to look after in case someone comes over and nicks him. But he is nicking them, James. That is what's happening. And just as the thief was about to mount and away with his booty, in this case it means the gold,

he caught sight of a thin gold chain circling the lady's neck. and he roughly seizes it and tries to drag it off. She's like, give me a, right, I'll loosen it for you, I'll loosen it. And he twares away her cape and bodice and unclasps the chain. And it's got this peculiar pendant on it. And he bows with mock courtesy and says, it is unkind to cover up such charms. And neck and shoulders such as yours were never meant to be hid.

Out. Unacceptable. No. Yes, exactly. But she really, like she begs to have the pendant back. because it contains a miniature of a mother, which I presume from context is a drawing, not a Warhammer piece.

Oh, I've just finished painting it. My Citadel miniature. It's all dry brushing. Yeah, it took the ages to do the dry brush. He refuses, and he's all like, you're lucky I'm not searching you for anything else you've forgotten. Real bad guy. Oh, ouch.

There's more robberies on the road. Two old ladies, diddley D. went to Rippen, drew a considerable sum of money out of their bank, and then they, now, this is the bit, we're going back to that pin now, they took a dish of tea with some friends at Dishforth. Oh. I've never heard of taking a dish of tea before, have you? No, I sort of feel like I've seen old ladies pour tea into the saucer and drinking from the saucer.

Is it not? I just thought they'd spilled some and they were just tidying up. No. It's intentional. Maybe, maybe. I wonder if it was a particular feature of dinner. And it's like, that's their thing that they do there. A dish of tea.

Yeah. Makes me wonder what happens in Pynaston. You know it's pronounced Panniston, sure. Yeah, I know it is, but you go and who works written down if you say it like that. You got to do what you got to do. But like if you've got dish for, like you could have a, you can have a dish of tea in dishforth. You can have a dish of fry up in fry up.

That doesn't make sense. You'd have to have a fry up of tea, actually, wouldn't you? That wouldn't work. Nope. Can't fry tea. Okay. and take that pin out and chuck it away. We didn't need to circle back.

That was okay, so that's gone. Yeah, so we must be talking about, this must be North Yorkshire. Yeah. But we don't know where exactly. York Gate. Yeah, I don't think that's still a place. That's the problem.

And the street couldn't be more vague. Of course, there's Goatland. Goatland? Don't drink tea there. That's Osmotherly. Okay. That one's got a tale. Have we talked about the Osmotherly legend?

I don't know. What was it? Well, the legend is the name comes from a story which will be familiar to you and the listeners of a woman who hears that her son is going to drown. And so she makes sure she takes him away from the coast and keeps him in a place where there's absolutely no water. And then one day she and he are sleeping in a sort of hollow in a meadow or in the woods. And a spring spontaneously springs up and drowns the both of them. Oh. And the name comes from Oswald with his mother-lay, which is obviously not actually the etymology of Osmotherly. But it's a popular story from that area.

That's a good, I mean, it's a sad story, but it's a good story. It is sad, but also didn't happen. Yes. Fangdale Beck, good name, good name, Snilesworth. Good names for villains around here. So then the friends at Dishforth convinced the old ladies to leave their money with them. and because it's night and there's a highwayman around.

So they travel back to Azenby and on that way they're held up by the highwayman and the highwayman is so annoyed that they haven't got their money that he shoots their horse, dead. Oh, unacceptable, outrangers. Yeah. So they're kind of pretty sure this highwayman is a local one

and he's got his ear to the ground and he's hearing what's going on. Studley Roger, sorry, I'm still... It could be his now. I'm still looking at place names. That's a great place name. I'll try to react to future information more relevantly, but with place names from North Yorkshire. Wingsley Banks Farm.

Is that helping? Yeah, that does help, actually. The local officials are like, right, we need to sort this out. It's obviously a local guy, and they send out undercover officers, like dressed as peddlers and people to, like, hang out in the inns and try and find out the information. but this highwayman is still at large. A farmer is robbed for 180 guineas. Wow, that's loads of guineas.

And then a wandering tinker who spent the night in Charlie Lancaster's barn when trying to kill a rat finds a black silk mask and some of the stolen goods. Oh, I had a feeling the highwayman was going to be one of the guys we'd heard of. Yes. But I didn't think it would be Charlie Lanks. No, but he's arrested. Wait, oh, okay. A mother harker is there when he's arrested as well.

Mother harker. Mother Harker. And Bonner's next to her. And Bono says, Much may happen before they find him guilty. And Mother Harker says, The last is right, much will happen both by blood and water before they find him,

and they will find him not guilty. Twist! Yet another twist. So that's good news, good news. he's taken off to York Bonner leaves the salutation in presumably to go to York to be near him word gets round

that a wealthy couple are going to stay at the salutation in their mid elope they're going up to Gretna Green which is the place you could get married without parents' permission yes basically in Scotland right in lowland Scotland

it's just in Scotland isn't it yeah yes and so apparently the the wife to be is very rich and she's eloping with the husband and they're going to pop in at the salutation in on the way. So she is quite the target for any highway men that might or might not be knocking around. Wait, wait, wait. The high woman is, if it, let's say hypothetically, if Lancaster was innocent but is in custody, the real high woman, whoever that may be in the story,

would be a fool to continue robbing people while he's in custody, sure. Yes, yes, but this is a big fish that they would be reeling in. Okay. This would set them up. And they would presume that the authorities are, everyone's guards down,

because they think they've got the high rim, and it's potentially the perfect time. But something else happens. So four horsemen turn up and in a few miles away from the salutation. and one of them is very flamboyantly dressed. The dandy is wearing a blue Saxony coat, a full ruffled shirt,

his chest being padded even beyond the bounds of fashion of the day, his vest of richly flowered silk, his shapely leg and tiny feet encased in the smartest pair of riding boots which ever stood in trees, a jewelled clasp glittered in his ruffle, his fingers shone with rings, and his fob hung heavy with valuable trinkets. It's the four horsemen of the glam pop.

It's just one. Three of them are normal and one of them is dressed like a dandy high, well, not a highwayman, but a dandy. A dandy. Okay, so it's just one glam guy and then the three of the horsemen. And then the local blacksmith remarks, them's the sort of gentry of what fairly asks footpads to knock them on head. Oh, okay. So now we're blaming dandies based on how they're dressed. If he's the gentleman, he looks, it's a queer thing to me that he's riding without any servants or even saddlebags. Now, Markmore Woods, there's something queer about him. Oh, okay. So do you reckon this is a setup of some kind? Well, an hour or two later, a farmer is riding home, and they find the apparently lifeless form of this fashionably dressed dude lying on the road. And he tries to, you know, open his shirt to find out of his heart still beating, and he finds not the square muscular chest of a man,

but the whiter round a bosom of a maiden. What? It's Bona. It's Bonnie Bonner. It's Bonnie Bonner with an ugly wound at the back of her head. Oh, no. She gets taken over to the salutation, and apparently the bride and bridegroom arrive amongst this commotion. And then everyone's called to the private room at the back of the pub, the bar parlour,

because there is a gent there. And Tom Hoggett joins the company, and he says, oh, it seems they haven't got the highwayman after all when they arrested Charlie Lancaster. And at this point, the strange gentleman, the bridegroom of the eloping couple, enters, closes the door after him, places a chair in front of it, and begins... Sits around backwards, though. Yeah, definitely, definitely. And begins, well, gentlemen, I know you're anxious to learn the actual facts of all the exciting events which have occurred to you this afternoon. I am because it's been quite confusing.

Yeah. So, what happened was, well, first of all, let me relieve your minds by telling you the doctor now states that Bona, one of the victims, is now quite out of danger. Good. That's a relief. And but for a most unfortunate occurrence, the scoundrel responsible for her injuries would have been captured. You have now doubtless heard that a plan was laid for his capture and that it all but succeeded. Here is the plan. So the story of the bridegroom and the bride is fabricated to flush out the highwayman. What?

Yes. No, we did guess that. Yeah, we did guess that. And the reason they can identify him is because the trinket that he stole. Do you remember from the old man and the daughter earlier? I do. The little trinket with the miniature. They'll be able to identify him by that trinket.

and that daughter has been staying amongst them trying to find it. Unfortunately, at the same time they were doing this plan to flush out the high woman, Boner went off on her own plan to do a similar thing, but using herself as bait. I have to say the first plan, I'm not so sure about the first plan because it kind of hinges on the high woman wearing all of the things that he stole previously. Oh, Alistair, there's more to that first plan. Okay. Also, is it necessary, if a different high woman approaches you, is it necessary to identify it as the same high woman?

Is it not enough to just arrest this highwayman? Yeah. Yes. Oh, carry on, though. Carry on. But you want to know that you've got rid of all the highwaymen in the area. True. Because they say if you see one highwayman.

That is what they say. There's at least 20 other ones. But they say if you've got a footpad, you don't have a highwayman. Is that right? Or is it the other? Is that, I'm confusing mice and rats. Anyway, so her bonus plan was to lure him out with that dandy disguise. And as she was handing it over, she was going to just simply pull his mask off and recognize him because she worked at the salutation.

She knows all the people around. However, the brave girl failed to carry out her scheme, not because her heart failed her, but because the coward attacked her from behind, then robbed the victim and left them to die. But what Bonner also did, which was part of the other plan, was to speak to the local Smith and mark a shoe when a certain horse came to his forge so that its imprint could easily be detected. And then another person enters, what makes herself known in the crowd, it's Jenny. She's got the gold chain on. She was the daughter slash the bride.

Okay. Who was living amongst them. Jenny Parker. Was the daughter fake as well? She was a real daughter. Okay. Is that a real necklace of her mother then? And this guy is her actual husband, but they were pretending, so she wanted her pendant back, basically. This is a revenge tale. And what they did is they followed the hoofmarks, and it goes all the way back to Tom Hoggott's house.

No way. Tom Hoggart, the only man in the story hasn't been accounted for. Yes. So she'd been staying at the stepmums, and she'd been searching trying to find the locket, couldn't find it anywhere. Then they follow the hoofmarks, back to Tom Hoggots, go there, they find the pendant. It was Tom Hoggart all along. No. And they decide that the mail is due in half an hour and they're going to take him to York and he'll get charged and, you know, probably hung. And as it says, just when the coach was drawing up, they hurried their man out.

And at that moment, a party of tinkers amongst them, he who had found the mask and stolen property in Lancaster's barn, rushed forward, tripped up those who held Hoggart, and in a second, the prisoner had vanished into the darkness. Oh, okay, I see. Now, one of these rescuers was seized, and he admitted that Hoggart's mother had paid them to do what they did, and they'd been in league with the highwayman.

Mother Hoggart? Mother Hoggart. So Hoggert's run away, and next morning, a fisherman set out on the river Swale to draw in his nightlines, and at a sharp curve where the river takes to the Langton viz. village, you find the body of Hoggart, the plaything of a whirlpool. And because remember Mother Harker... That's a really nice way of describing drowned.

Yeah. Mother Harker had more than once cryptically predicted he met his death by water. And that place was known as Hoggart's Hole. Hoggat's Hole? Yeah. And the belief was that anyone who fell or drifted into that fatal spot was doomed. So there you go. That's the tale of Bonnie Bonner.

Bonnie Bonner. Bonnie Bonner, a fine, twisty tale. Many a twist. What a twist. I mean, they were all quite predictable, but still I enjoyed it. But you could sort of see it as in an Ocean's 11 way that they've kind of, you know, people pulling off masks like a Mission Impossible thing and stuff. Yeah, I mean, if anything, their mistake was running too many schemes.

I guess you did know about the scheme because she arranged for the hoofs marks to happen. Yeah. But it kind of, that kind of fits in both plans. Anyway, yeah. She just wanted it to happen quicker. I guess she got impatient. She needed to use her Saxony coat and stuff.

So there you have it. Brilliant. So score time, huh? Yeah. Too right, buddy. Strap in. First category, supernatural. Well, James, I think we both know it's a zero.

Well, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait, James, James, don't get ahead of yourself. You've forgotten about Mother Harker. She's the psychic. Hold your horses. Yes, she predicted some very... Hold all four of your glam horses. Mother Harker made several accurate predictions.

Yes, she said, twice Thanehart has been assailed, but her head has led her astray. That's more of a description of what has happened than it is a prediction. It does say, I see great confusion. So, yeah, that's accurate. But happiness in the end. Yeah, no, she was right about that. She was right about him.

Oh, but Jenny's one. Yeah. Thou has given hand to one who is true as steel, because she's already actually married, but no one knew that at this point, to the guy that did the, I expect you're wondering why I brought you all here. Right.

Did that come out in the story? Did I just miss that? Yeah, it turned out she was, that was, she was the bride and he was the groom, and they were already married. Right. The daughter. Hmm.

I think I might have not explained it properly, but that is what happened. And it says, thou, which thou hast in hand, now will bring gold to thee, the necklace, death to one, Hoggart, life to another, saved Lancaster. And to turn back now would mean death to him who should live. Because at this point, Lancaster's not been arrested, but that is Tom's plan to frame Lancaster. Yeah, you know, you know what I'm going to do here, James. I'm going to do something that you yourself would never do. I'm going to give it at quite a high score because I think these predictions are pretty good.

Yes. Because even though it's not ghosts and it's not spooky, I'm going to say it's a three. Yes, wonderful. Thank you very much. Well, that brings us very neatly to Categories of the two. The second. Categories the two.

Categories the two. Naming. Well, the episode is called Bonnie Bonner. Yeah. So it started well. It started very well, James. Mm-hmm. We've got Bonnie Bonner.

We've got Farmer Hoggett. What more of a farmer name could you want than Hoggett? But he's also a high woman. Yes. The salutation cockings. Yeah, how could we forget? How could we forget?

Oh, and it says there's a little note at the end from Jay Fairfax, Blakeborough, about where this could have been located. It says there were two fords across the swale near Langton. One leads to Killaby and the other to Kirby Fleetham. So it's probably one of those, I reckon. Yeah. Yeah, it's five out of five for names.

Yes. Bonnie Bonner. Bonnie Boner. Five out of five, of course. Okay, third category, off the back. Don't try and talk me out of it. Off the back of that. Where there's a name, there's blame.

Oh, this sounds good, but explain it? Because the only people in the story that are given names are principal characters. Yes. The fact that Tom Hoggart is given a name. Very suspicious. Yeah, makes him out to be a bet, makes him out that he's going to be important. There's no names given to the two old ladies or the farmer or the tinkers or any of the blacksmiths. Yeah, it's very obvious who is the only suspect in the story.

The landlord of the salutation in. It's more of a heed on it. You could only infer the name of the landlord or what the name of the landlord might be by the fact that his niece is called Bona Braithwaite. So, yeah, where there's a name, there's a blame. That's really good. And the category is based on where there's blame, there's a claim. Exactly.

Which is a slogan from some kind of ambulance chasing advert from the early 2000s. Because basically in the early 2000s, if you were at home during the day, it was presumed that you would fall off a ladder at work and that you needed to claim compensation. It may have been someone's fault. at home or at work and that was the situation everyone was assumed to be in. It was not your fault.

I think it has crucial that the person who's faulted is it has to not be you. I don't think you can take yourself to a small claims court. No, only to brag. Yes. Well, I don't want to just give you another five out of five. But you're good.

I am going to, yeah, five out of five because, yeah, he had a name and that was how I knew he was the guilty party. The one to blame. Okay, fourth category is another name-based one. Oh. And it's where the street has one name. So this is a U-2 reference here.

A reference to U-2. Yes. Because of Bono. Because of Bono, Bono, as we now know that's pronounced, disgusting, revolting pronunciation of a name. Isn't it meant to be Bono, though, because of what he named himself after lack of sign, didn't he? Oh, I thought he was named for having a nice singing voice as a child.

I thought it was a nickname from a, yeah, Bono Voce, yeah, like a singing master said that to him or something. I don't know. I feel like I'm imagining he was raised in like the 1890s. Bono, he was named, I think he was named after a shop. A shop? No, you're right. It was Bono Vox, Bono Vox. And there was, the name was inspired by a Dublin hearing aid shop called BonoVox.

Oh, I see, I see. it all should have been boner and bono should have been bono the whole time. Although we don't know what the Latinx was. That bono all the whole time. This blows the whole thing wide open. But yeah, boni bono. It's a boni bono and

the actual name of the category, which is the pun on the song, where the streets have no name. This is where the street has one name and that name is the street. The street, yeah. That is a name, I suppose. Or maybe York Gate. Was it yours or your gate? York Gate, yeah. So actually it has two names.

Oh. Yeah, I'm sorry to notice that. And it also might be Killeby or Kirby Fletham. I mean, I know where you're going to go with a U-2 referencing. Well, I haven't thought of that, but now I am going to give you two. You did it to yourself, James. I did it again. It was just too good a pun.

Fair enough. I could see it working as like a heist film type, one of them reverse heist films. Yeah, a reverse heist film is like where people take money into a casino. Well, thank you very much for listening to that, everybody. Thank you very much to Joe for editing it. Thank you, Joe. Thank you for all the people who support us at patreon.com forward slash lawmenpod.

And you can do that too where you get access to bonus episodes. If you listen to the bits after the music, There's a little clip from the bonus episode. It's little bits that didn't go in the episode, but there's still a lot of fun. Thank you, Alistair, as well, for listening. Well, thank you, James. Well, there's lots of other U-2 songs, presumably.

I mean, I don't know any of them. Someone must like U-2. I think early U-2. Someone must. It can't just be the daughter from Taken. Really? Is that a plot point? Someone must be enjoying U-2.

Yeah, apparently, look, I don't know. In the first film, Liam Neeson's teenage daughter is touring around Europe following the band U-2. What? I know. People talk all about, I've got a special set of skills bit.

They don't mention that. Nobody mentions the U-2 thing. There is a subset of the internet devoted to the obvious wrongness of her being a U-2 fan that would follow them around. Yes, exactly. And this is, when did that come out in 2004 or something? Yeah, around the time there was still the, is this their sort of PR trying to get over that time when they made everyone have their album?

It's sort of reverse highway robbery that, where they forced people will stop you on the streets of Yorkshire and force you too onto your device. Yeah, yeah, I've sort of forgotten the category.