Loremen Podcast - Loremen S6Ep4 - Scareships and the Headless Cyclist - LIVE!

Episode Date: February 20, 2025

The LoreBoys lived again! Returning to the Leicester Comedy Festival, we treated an audience to tales of beasts of the water, beasts of the air and a beast of the land — a cyclist with no head at all! Thanks to all the Lorefolk who joined us in real life and on YouTube. You too can check out the whole thing with moving images on our YouTube Channel: Watch the livestream! Join the LoreFolk here... patreon.com/loremenpod ko-fi.com/loremen Check the sweet, sweet merch here... https://www.teepublic.com/stores/loremen-podcast?ref_id=24631 @loremenpod youtube.com/loremenpodcast www.instagram.com/loremenpod www.facebook.com/loremenpod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

With the Fizz loyalty program, you get rewarded just for having a mobile plan. You know, for texting and stuff. And if you're not getting rewards like extra data and dollars off with your mobile plan, you're not with Fizz. Switch today. Conditions apply. Details at fizz.ca. Welcome to Lawmen, a podcast about local legends and obscure curiosities from days of yore. I'm James Shake Shaft. And I'm Alistair Beckett King.

And Alistair, this is a live show recording from the Leicester Comedy Festival 2025. 2025 with no safety net. And I'd forgotten some important wires. Yeah, they fell right through the safety net. That's the nature of a net and wires. But it turned out all right. Came out fine. The only way you could tell is because we occasionally make jokes

about how bad it was at the beginning. But that doesn't make sense. So I've cut most of them out. Good. But why don't you have a listen to the scare ship and the headless cyclist? Lester hello hello Lycester hi Lycester greatcester. Great to be here. Good to be here.

We're the Lorraine Man. Yes. Played by Dan Aykroyd. Hold to us. The two Dan Aykroyds. It's the Blue Brothers film Nobody Wanted. Good afternoon, law folk. How's everybody law fokening?

Yeah, that was a tough question to answer, but you did it well. Thank you very much for coming. Thanks for having us again in Leicester. Alistair, how are you doing? I'm doing very well. This is my fourth show of the Leicester Festival and I was here in this exact spot yesterday when I heard the sound of a ghost. What?

And I believe we've got the bikers who previous podcast listeners might recognize from a previous podcast. We bikers in the front row and the bikers were here yesterday when I was on stage talking away doing my stand up comedy act. Yeah. And overhead we heard a sound that I'll try to recreate now, which was a dum dum dum dum dum dum dum sound of footsteps running. We felt the move.

What did you think it was? I thought it was the end of footsteps running. We felt them move. What did you think it was? I thought it was the end of East End. And we felt them describe a curve around above my head. It was very distracting. We all heard it. And the first thought that came to my mind, and naturally I said into the microphone, was the speed of those steps means

that that must have been a toddler. Because you could tell that the length of the legs involved couldn't have exceeded about 30 or 40 centimeters because the noises were so close together the noises were too close together the cadence I as an adult man would never be able to run that quickly in terms of rhythm and then independent research from the bikers, without my knowledge, you filled me in on this earlier, you went up to the bar and asked, and am I right in thinking? And there was no toddler at the time of the show, to the best of their knowledge, and there had been a toddler, but she died ten years ago. They didn't necessarily say that last part, but I think they were probably just trying not to scare the bikers, you know, because if you you cross a biker you're in big trouble. Definitely I was thinking there is a way that you

could run at that speed as a grown adult it's if your trousers had fallen down and you were limited your your your the arc of your leg stride was limited and you would be trying to get out there quickly because of the aforementioned trouser fall down situation. Yes, that's right. So that is when you could be a toddler in a running race when your trousers have fallen down. It makes your trousers come right down to your ankles and you naturally think time to

make tracks. Time to run. This is embarrassing, better get out of there as fast as possible. Yeah, you've just been balanced by a toddler. LAUGHTER But, look, we didn't bring you to here for me to guess about the sound of footsteps, did we? Didn't we? No, we didn't. This time we didn't.

I want to tell you about the Lough Ness Monster. Ooh. Now, we're in Leicester, which is near Lough Ness Monster. Now we're in Leicester which is near Loughborough which is why I can tell the story of the Lough Ness Monster. That was better that time. So the Lough Ness Monster was in Charnwood water. And this is documented too, the 23rd of October, 2017. And I got this from the Paranormal Database website. And well, basically, long and short of it, a duck was seen. Just play the music, end of the episode.

Don't play it, no. A duck was seen being pulled underwater by something. By the way, Charnwood Water, it's 14 out of 38 things to do in Loughborough. Wait, wait, is it number 14 or is it all 14 of the first 14 of the 28 things to do? I don't know. Have we got anyone in from Loughborough? Is it bleak that there are only 38 things to do in Loughborough? Right. Okay, some reviews of Charmer of Water. A breathe of fresh air. And someone says it's a delightful walk along the water.

That's Jesus. Yeah. That's a review from Jesus. A good review from Jesus counts for something. Well, it's three out of five. Three out of five from Jesus have walked on better bodies of water. There's some pics of the water that on the, on, you know, I looked it up on the internet. And I don't know if I'm reading into this, but there are people feeding what looked like very nervous ducks.

Because Charmwood water was the site of this duck murder. According to the Leicester Mercury, which is a great name for a paper, isn't it? The Mercury, it's a cool name. It's like slick, it's fast, it could send you mad. My local newspaper is the Bambury Cake. So yeah, according to that, the headline, water monsters spotted devouring duck at Loughborough Beauty spot The spotted makes it sound like is a gossip column

Yeah water monster Yeah, like a werewolf was spotted falling out of a nightclub on a full moon A tall hairy humanoid was overheard at a party explaining that it's not all to scale. Crypted in three in a shed romp. At a door marked scandal. According to The Sun about the same story, a snake-like monster killed and ate a duck according to Horrified Walker. Now killed and ate, whilst that is probably accurate, it seems to be over-egging it, and

I would argue that if it didn't kill it before it ate it, that's a worse scenario. So come on, the sun, let's have a little bit of balance. There had been a similar story in 2013 when a mystery creature at Charnwood Water, and there's also a tragic tale of some ducklings getting eaten. Just put a human face on it haven't I with slightly smaller ducks. Really put a duck's bill on it. Yeah that story refers to an incident in 2010 in Stonebow Washlands where it refers to the Stonebow Jaws as well as the Luff Nest Monster. As in Jaws from Jaws? As in Jaws from Jaws, yes. And I get the feeling that Charnwood Water,

it's like there's the mayor of Charnwood Water going around saying, Charnwood Water has to be open for St. Swithin's Day. Just lobbing ducks in. Yeah, putting his own ducks in. Taking up as many ducklings as he can. Yeah. But over arm bowling the ducks into the water to show his own ducks in. Taking up as many ducklings as he can and just over-arm bowling the ducks into the water

to show his confidence. Yes. However, experts say it's probably a pike. They are big and nasty pikes, aren't they? Well, yeah. Well, according to a council statement, although these types of incidents can be distressing to people who witness them, pike are a natural part of Charmwood water, so the council cannot take any sort of action. The council have power, there's two X!

Yeah, it turns out. We need to take this into our own hands. That person from Lovebrusher give us all a lift back, and we'll go around punching every fish we see. Every single one. Take us to the pike. Start with the small fish. The small fry. Quite literally. No! That was a no! And no for that pun! Was it because you didn't like the pun or was it because you didn't like the idea of punching small fish? It was the pun, yeah. Fair enough. Okay then. In which case I'm going to move on to my second story, which is the dark torpedo, which is not a similar pike that could...

You'd think that would be another story about a pike, but this one actually took place in the air, which is the opposite of water, scientifically speaking. This was a UFO which was seen over Market Harbourer. Yes, from Pamp as well. Pamp's place. This happened in the 1900s and basically in 1909, someone saw something in the sky that was long and sort of torpedo shaped. And it was moving around quite fast. So on the 11th of May 1909, there were a bunch of sightings of a mystery airship over Ipswich, Cardiff and Dublin. It had two lights and it would fly around 1am in the morning and it would travel at a rapid rate and And it acquired the name Scareship.

That's great. I was going to ask that, excuse my naval ignorance, but when were torpedoes invented? Did they have torpedoes in 1909? To give the day it was torpedo shaped? Or is that a later? I think that's a later addition to

the moniker. But I don't. Yeah, I don't. Who saw Scareship and thought that needed improving on? Yeah. So this, yes, so there was one scene in Roxham in Norfolk and just all over, somewhere in Wales. And the thing is, you think, oh, maybe that's a zeppelin. There weren't that many zeppelins back then.

Alastair, what do you know about zeppelins? Well, they are balloons, like dirigibles, and they've got, I want to say, hydrogen in them. Yeah, I think back then they did, definitely. Very small molecule, very hard to keep in a huge bag. You're asking for trouble. You're going to get all the humanity at some point. Oh, that's you, that blooming, blooming humanity.

We put too much humanity in it and it popped. Yes, exactly. It's the most dangerous of all the prey. The most dangerous game. No, right, okay. I've got a small history of airships. In 1670, the Jesuit father Francesco Lana de Terzi, who is sometimes referred to as the father of aeronautics,

he came up with an idea for an airship that, if you will pardon the pun, did not get off the ground. That was, oh, like they feel up, they feel sorry for me. I'm not impressed by that. I came up with the idea of a giant papier-mâché dinosaur full of juice when I was a kid. That's a good idea. I didn't actually do it. You know, I can't, if someone else did that, I couldn't take

credit for that. His idea though, right, this, I'm no scientist, right? Right? But it was basically it was a it's the picture is a normal boat with four balloon looking things but those balloon looking things are made out of copper and the idea was that you would put a vacuum in each of those things and a vacuum and I believe the science works out a vacuum is lighter than air so it would give you lift but the problem is how no he's nailed it yeah we take it all back lana deterzi francesco lana deterzi um would that work no no but isn't there a vacuum in like a flask and it's not always shooting up to the ceiling maybe it's lighter than it should be maybe that. That's why they make the metal so it falls

back down. Biker, are you a scientist? Sort of. Just that the exterior component weighs the boat itself, it just would not be feasible, it wouldn't float. Okay. That's a good point. Weighing nothing, you'd have to actually weigh negatively and that's why they have rotors on helicopters, I suppose, That's why they have rotors on helicopters, I suppose, to push down, I guess. Oh, I thought, right. I thought that was just a joke. When you said vacuum, I thought you meant like a Hoover, pointed upwards to the sky, sucking themselves towards heaven. You just suck yourself up to heaven. I mean, I'm not going to... I don't want you to spoil this scientist. Could that work? Yes. Thank you. Thank you scientist.

Biker scientist. Biker scientist. For the purposes of a listener. Right so very briefly I'm gonna just want to come away from that because my recording device has died. Lewis are we still recording at the back? Fingers crossed. OK, that wasn't funny, was it? Right. OK. But what is funny is in 1902, Stanley Spencer flew airships. He flew an airship from Crystal Palace, friend of the show. Yeah. We wanted to fly it to St. Paul's, but it was too foggy.

So he just buzzed Clapham on the way. And he flew. He came down in his big old airship really low down to Clapham Common and people were astounded because this is 1902. And also it was the reason he got to do all this is because his airship was sponsored by a baby food company. So they were really up. They ended up not they ended up disputing giving the money because he hadn't done enough flights around in order to earn the money. But he buzzed over central London.

He went round Chelsea and Earls Court and he hilariously threw out rubber balls to demonstrate how an army could throw bombs. God, that would be so funny, wouldn't it? That would be a lot of fun. Buy baby food also. These could be bombs. And he had another airship in 1903, so could that have been him knocking around in 1909? No, he died in 1906 in Malta of typhus. Weird laugh for typhus there. Well, you said what you were saying, but what is funny? And then you told them the story. And then the punchline of it was typhus.

Yeah, it was. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So really, you just let them in with your comedy skills, James. Yes. I apologise for that. It was... I'll edit this back in. What isn't funny? And then when they laugh, should you just do a disapproving. How dare you? Well, I'll take the disapproval from some of my jokes earlier

and I'll loop that back in. Those tales are not, again, the main reason why I brought you here. I brought you here for... Da da da da da da da da Ghosts over Britain. So we've got a tale here. This is also from Northampton, which is also not Leicester, all right? And this is the tale of the headless cyclist.

I'm going to take you back in time to the winter. Further back than that the winter of 1940 and as Peter Moss points out it was a bitter one indeed for Britain Because we're it's the war is World War two times and also it was actually quite a cold winter Yeah, funnier than typhus. But not funnier than honest puns. Unbelievable. So, George Dobbs.

Great name. He's feeling pretty glum. And he's like, you know what would cheer me up? Alcohol. Classic G-Dubbs. Classic G-Dubbs. Not Dobbs.-Dubs. Dubs. But with a Z. He wants to go to the pub so he decides to go to the Fox and Hounds and on the way he stopped off at a different pub to have some beer on the way. Yeah, a little pre-pub pub. Yeah, just a legend. Just a bit of walking around beer.

And so, yeah, he gets, he goes there, he has a pint and then it goes to carry on to the Fox and Hounds half a mile further on and he's going through the snow and he walks past a cemetery. and he's going through the snow and he walks past a cemetery. And on the way past the cemetery gates, he notices a car, which is, you write to who? There was a small who there. And they were right because there weren't that many cars around at the time. And it was a war. Didn't you know there was a war on?

I didn't know anything about this. Oh, it was in 1940. Oh, big. You should check it out. I will it sounds right up my street. So there was a car going through the the snow, it says there was snow all over the ground, I guess there was a shortage of salt, perhaps because of the war, I don't know, and he looked up and illuminated against the headlights, silhouetted rather, against the headlights, was a cyclist cycling towards him, struggling to keep their balance. Heads ducked down low, it seems. A bit of foreshadowing there. I think we all know that this cyclist has no head. But the way James is playing along, like, oh, maybe the head

just isn't visible from this angle. Maybe it's, has he just got his head ducked down or something? I can't really tell he's silhouetted. This is my George Dobbs impression. It's quite similar to me. You just embodied the character so much, we were all captured by the moment. Well, I've been method George Dobsing for my entire life. From the start of the podcast.

Yeah, he was also very bad with wires. And he saw this guy and this guy was struggling along. The car was obviously also going slow because it was ever so snowy. And this guy must have had some sort of scarf wrapped up because he couldn't see his head. And then the car's coming right up to this guy and it's getting closer and closer. And then it's not snowing down. In fact, it says here,

the engine was growling in a low gear unchanged. And he saw with horror that the vehicle was almost upon the unfortunate cyclist who fighting desperately to keep his machine upright, seemed quite oblivious of the car immediately behind him. And before George had time to collect his thoughts, I don't think he had many, but he's evidently quite a slow collector of thoughts, but the car, level with him, without stopping, didn't even slow down a bit. It just crawled past through the cyclist. And George was like,

what? And looked around, there's no cyclists there at all. There's no cyclist in the side of the road, like led up in a snow drift. The car just carries on trundling on at 50 miles an hour. No cyclists, all flattened like a cartoon character? No, no, we're going like that, nothing. Nothing for him to inflate with a handy bicycle pump. No cyclists shaped hole in the vehicle? No. Perfectly outlining a lack of head?

Absolutely not at all. I think those are the two options really, aren't they? I was trying to think of a third option. And that was that they sort of combine together and sort of met, squish up like it was in like a... Like a David Cronenberg film. Yeah, like a David Cronenberg film set in 1940 near a pub. A very slow crash. Yeah, yeah. That's a very good reference. Thank you. Yeah, yeah. That's a very good reference. Thank you. Thank you. Cheers. But yeah, there was nothing.

He crossed and recrossed the road. There was nothing. No mangled and broken human body. No tangled and wrecked cycle. Aw. These ducklings have got the most sympathy. The ducklings and me for doing bad puns have got the most sympathy in this show.

But yeah, there's nothing. So he just, well, he was shook up. So he carried on as quick as he could to the pub, of course, the fox and hounds, ding, ding. To the second main pub of the evening. Yeah. And it says, despite the inner and outer warmth there and the comforting presence of human company He was too agitated to stay long because he was on one hand. He's worried that there's a guy out there In the snow has been run over by a car Or there's a ghost out there or something or there's an it as a human-shaped hole in a car or something, or there's a human-shaped hole in a car, potentially, as discussed. So he just goes back home. He retraces his steps. He looks again. There's nothing there. He goes back home and his wife greets him, ironically enough, with,

whatever happened to you? You look as though you've seen a ghost. No wife. Mrs Dobbs. Oh. Oh, wife. Mrs Dobbs. If only you knew. It's changed his voice quite a lot, this experience. Previously, he sounded exactly like you, and now he's all like, oh, wife. I forgot he was from the 40s.

They didn't have bass on recordings. So they all talk like that. Like Chris Cantrell. Yes! So she heard the story and she was kind of laughing it off, but he, George knew what he had seen or not seen or sort of half seen, but he knew he'd seen something. And about two years later, 1942, he's back at the Bar of the fox and hounds and there is an article on ghosts in, as Peter Moss says here, the abbreviated sheet that passed in wartime for a newspaper. Ooh, ouch! Yikes, Peter Moss! He's burning! Meow! The idea of wartime newspapers. Give them a break,

there was a war on. Exactly. But yeah the conversation had turned to the supernatural and everyone was kind of we're lads in the pub in the 40s and we're spilling our beers we don't care. I sort of think those lads might have been a little occupied during the 40s. Maybe they wanted to just go like we're 23 year old lads, second world war. We think they had some stuff on, schedule wise. We've either just been or about to be in actual fighting or we're not allowed to do fighting

for some reason. We lads. I think they'd be the weedy ones. They'd be the more asthmatic ones. It'd be like. Lads, lads, lads. Lads, lads, lads. Lads, lads, lads, I've got flat feet. So, yeah...

A very cravat-wearing, no-cowardish, flat-footed man there. Coward with a knee. But they're all quite sceptic, and then George decides to tell his story. I've already forgotten what voice I settled on for him. But it didn't make much of an impression on his audience until one of the oldest customers, Mr Lyd Green. Lyd was his nickname. Mr Lid. Lid would be such a good name for one half of a double act. Oh yeah, what's the other?

Toilet! Lid and toilet. That's correctly the funniest thing you can put a lid on. Well, do you want to know what Mr Lid Green's job was to give him this nickname? He was a gravedigger. It's his lid, because he puts the lid on the coffins. It's like the lid of life. The lid for life, yeah.

The lid for life? The lid for life, yeah. It's my new Tupperware range I'm coming out with. They cost a little bit more, but they do last a certain amount but then you have to buy another one. They will outlast you. It's a lid for life. Yeah so Mr Lid Green who was the local grave digger said oh that was old name redacted. I buried him about 25 years ago. There was deep snow at the time and he was knocked off his bike just by the cemetery gates.

Convenient. Bit of a time saver for him, you know? Yep, and even more convenient. One door closes, another one opens. It's an old wind that blows nobody no good. In the crash, his head was torn off his body. Again, even more more convenient I suppose. We've got an extra small we've never used coffee. Yeah. Pop him in that. Yeah. And if the head turns up, someone else's problem.

We'll pretend it didn't. Yeah so that was the tale of the headless cyclist told by WG Dobbs, Northampton. Billy Dobbs, same guy. No probably the son, probably the son actually, different Dobbs. So there you go, that's pretty scary right? Absolutely terrifying. Yeah so uh you ready to score? Oh yeah, I'd love to score it. Will the audience help me with the scores? Yes! Okay.

Yes, okay then. That was actually really quiet and unenthusiastic. That was too quiet for the recording. We might ask that again and just so that it comes out on the tape and it sounds like you're having a good time. Are you ready to score James's stories? Don't make it unrealistically enthusiastic. Are you ready to join me in passing judgment on Willie Dubs and Et Al? Let's do it. First up, let's go with

naming. Naming. Naming. Okay. Well, I enjoyed Dobbs as a surname. Dobbsy a bit like dubs does what other names did we have we had the Lough Ness Monster Yes a sort of off-brands Yeah, sort of like corner shop Coca-Cola kind of a Lough Ness Monster Yes, very difficult to Google as well very difficult to see income. Did you mean? No, I meant Loughness Monster. Also the Stonebow Jaws. What was that? I don't remember you saying that.

That was a different pike. Oh, okay. That was, yes, that was the name of a big fish, yes. The Leicester Mercury. Great name for a newspaper, yes. The Bambury Cake. Terrible name for a newspaper. Oh, probably the best word we've ever, anyone's ever said on our podcast.

Yep. Scareship. Scareship. Scareship. It's the scariest ship. The Jesuit father, Francesco Lana de Terzi, the father of aeronautics. Sky Daddy. Sky Daddy and the Scare Ships.

And this is our new album. Stanley Spencer. That's rubbish. And of course Typhus, the funniest disease. Very funny name for a disease. Turns out it's different to Typhoid as well. Is it? Yeah. Because I wrote Typhoid and I thought, hold on. They did call it typhus in the thing.

I'm going to check. Two different things. Oh, typhoid sounds more futuristic. Yeah, it does, doesn't it? Yeah. It sounds like someone who- The typhoids. Or the-

Now, like, the magic. If I was a buddy in Star Wars, I'd fly in a typhoider. Yeah. Yeah. That's, yeah, those are the lot. So what do you reckon? Should we get a bit of a... While we're in names, James, you told me an anecdote

before we started. Ah, yes. That isn't relevant to the story, but I think the audience will enjoy. Okay. It was pertinent to this category. So, I have a young child who's six, and we were watching, just watching the internet, one of them YouTube videos

where someone talks about a film and we were watching someone doing a deep dive breakdown into Batman Forever. Directed by Joel Schumacher. Joel Schumacher and my six year old. Every time the guy on the video referred to a choice that had been made by Schumacher or, you know, it was Schumacher's choice to put nipples on the bat suit, child in the voice of someone who was correcting someone said Chewbacca

Chewbacca isn't it lovely to think that Chewbacca's first name is Joel And they're referring to him by his surname because he's at work Yeah, most of the... Have you seen Chewbacca? Who do you mean? Joel. Joel Chewbacca. Do you know what that translates as from Wookiees? Yeah.

Actually means... Oh, Chewbacca was my father's name. Call me Joel. I think it's five out of five. Yes. For names, mainly for scare ship, also for Joel Chew out of five. Yes. The names are mainly for Scareship, also for Joel Chewbacca. Yes.

Wonderful. Thank you very much. So the next category, supernatural. Right, come on then. Come on. What did we have? We have some fish. The first half of the episode was mostly just fish. Going about their business.

Either fish of the sea or fish of the air. The scare ship. Yes, but a fish that the council cannot touch because it's out of their jurisdiction and we need some kind of maverick fish puncher to deal with so that. A fish puncher? A fish puncher.

Like a cow puncher for fish. Sorry. Now I understand. Like a cow puncher but for fish puncher. Like a cow puncher for fish. Sorry. Now I understand like a cow puncher, but for fish. Yes. A fish puncher. A fish puncher. Okay. And then what do we have? Okay, the headless cyclist, obviously, classic ghost story. Yeah. Terrific ghost story. Logically, it doesn't check out, of course, because presumably, again, I'm no scientist, but he lost his head in the accident. So him recreating the accident

and he already hasn't got a head. An embarrassing continuity error. Yeah. But you could see why he might have got run over because he wouldn't have been able to hear the car because he didn't have any ears at all. No way, it was 1940. What kind of horn?

What did the horn sound like in those days? I didn't. I think he's just bra... I think in your act out, he grabbed a duck. He's the original... Loved it at the cyclist, took his head clean off. The original Luff Ness Monster was just a guy with a car. Quack, quack.

luffness monster was just a guy with a car. Did David Goulds voice that duck? Who's David Goulds? Well, if he's not a footballer, then nominative determinism does not work. It might be Goulds. He's one of the muppeteers who voices like all of the characters who have that sort of, yes voice I can't do raw so any any any Muppet enthusiasts listening will have totally got that reference thank you high five but both our hands are

wearing puppets they're just kissing but it's two Muppets headbutting right then that's distracted us all from the important thing of scoring. So come on. How many? Supernatural. Oh, I scored the first one without without reference to democracy, but that's the style these days. Come on. That was an executive order. People of the room, what do we think for supernatural? Do I hear one? No. Do I hear a two? Okay, this is a promising chance. Do I hear a three? Yeah.

Oh. And also the lack of enthusiasm with which it was said. Both poorly. Well, no, but the nature of this thing is it's gonna build. Like people are gonna be unenthusiastic as we reach up to the crescendo of five. Because I was gonna jump ahead to five. Yeah, I think so.

Is it a five? Yeah. Ah, damn it's four, isn't it? Or is it a five? Ah damn it's four isn't it? Or is it a four? It's a four James Very very reasonable score Maybe if fish were ghosts it would have been a five Oh if fish were ghosts

Tell you what If my grandma were a fish, she'd be a ghost. And if my grandma were the fish, she'd probably punched her. If my uncle was a duck, he'd be employed in the car industry as being a muppet. All great, famous and well-known saying. What's the next category?

Well, this comes from the from the from the chat agree from YouTube thanks very much. Thank you for watching Lorefolk at Home. This is. I'm not paying like these people did. A little bit cheeky. Fisher cycle. Yeah yeah now to be fair the audience have heard us say that three or four times and we've edited that out they would have been a lot more impressed. We might have to go back and edit in them being impressed. Yeah I think we will. Yeah. Well maybe you can do it realistically. Fishers cycle. Again I said realistically. That's good I think it's good. Someone's added to vicious cycle by saying a fishers cycle. Oh so their puns are fine.

cycle oh so their puns are fine vicious cycle so it's like vicious cycle like vicious cycle but it involves more fish more fishy yeah yeah so the cycle of life exactly as Bob Dylan sang when he covered he did that whole cover of Sydney. Exactly that. Sailors all the time. It's a bear. Prince Ali, fabulous thief. Street rat, I don't like that. That's a good Aladdin deep dive. Yeah, OK then. So what was it, Bob Dylan? What's his category? Bob Dylan's I think it's Bob Dylan's Disney song. Disney Playbook and it's a five out of five. I would love to hear that.

Anyway, I feel we're distracting from the category of Ficious Cycle and I feel that I've led that because I don't know what it means. No, it is the cycle of life. It's the vicious cycle of life as represented by the council of Charnwood Water. Yeah, but father, don't we eat the pike? Yes, but the pike eat the ducks. And when we die, our bodies become the ducks. As Mufasa says in the line. Yes. All the pondasa says in the line. Yes.

All the pond you see will be yours. It's Morvada, isn't it? That one, Morvada. Yeah, so the charm of water. Pike are a natural part of charm of water. And the council cannot take any sort of action. It's the f the vicious cycle of life Yes, it's also the officious cycle. Oh

Ouch quadruple pun so what we say sorry do you guys like this podcast because Well, I know we're doing it any differently to usual I Didn't maybe they're wires like that two words that sound similar. No, thank you. What are we talking about? What are we talking about in the category of? We're talking a one. I'm going to throw that out there. I don't think it's a one. Two?

Is it a two for Fisher's Cycle? Is it a three for Fisher's Cycle? Is it a four for Fisher's Cycle? It's got to be. Either everyone can't be bothered to vote at all. We've got the first... In which case you are responsible for what happens. It'll be very controversial. Is it a five? Yes! Wonderful. It's the circle of life.

The circle of life. Circle of life. Okay, well then, it only goes to be my final category, which is now Bob Dylan sings the Disney back catalog. It couldn't be anything more. I don't know any of the songs from Cars, but if I did, that would really tied in. Does Cars have songs in it?

No, it doesn't. Boom, boom. I'm driving in my car. So yes, my final category Bob Dylan's is the Disney. I think we all agree that's a five. I cannot. I'm just blanking on any Disney song. Can't remember any of them.

But all I want to do is sing Disney songs in the voice of Bob Dylan. Well, that's what we will be doing after the show. And please join us for a medley of the greats. There's the colours of the wind. That's Pocahontas. It sounds like an actual villain song, that one. It does, doesn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's because of the wind.

The Benesitic. Yeah. That would be a nice one, actually. Thank you very much. Can you do the Benesisties? That's kind of a rap. That's a bit like his rap. It's my big Mr. D's, the think that was compromised was the amount of Disney songs we could think of to sing in the Bob Dylan format. James, I was so tired, I think I had a cold basically between, sorry everyone who came,

between then and today. And I've been out of action and I've just been thinking of Disney songs that you could sing in the style of Bob Dylan. Oh yes. Can we get a record scratch to talk about this James? Yes, Eric, Eric. I didn't do Be Prepared. I know that you're powers of retention are as good as a warthog's backside, but as thick

as you are, pay attention. That's basically how he rhymes. It basically is a Bob Dylan song That's basically how he rhymes. It basically is a Bob Dylan song already. With the internal rhymes. All I was doing in the car home was muttering to myself, Darling it's better, down where it's wetter, take it from me, under the sea. Down where it's wetter, take it from me, I can't remember the tune of some, you know that one, with the letters.

Oh yes, well I mean, tunes. Bob Dylan tunes. I mean, it's not really about the tunes is it? No. Hardcore harmonica breaks. If I had a harmonica now, I would have really gone for it. There was actually one other bonus joke, which was me doing the lion king going, everything the duck touches. That's what I meant to say, but I said something else, I said the water or something. Anyway, everything the duck touches. It's been so long.

I've no idea what that means. Probably for you the listener, you won't remember what that means. Anyway, thank you very much to the Leicester Comedy Festival. Cheers to everyone who came and watched. Yes, thank you to all the Law Folk for supporting us. Patreon.com forward slash LawmenPod, where you can support us too and get access to bonuses, which potentially this week is going gonna be a big 10 minute bonus of me worrying about how I haven't got any wires.

And I'm also on stage in front of people at that point. Yeah. It was literally a nightmare scenario. James, you have to call them cables if you want to impress tech people. Calling them wires marks you out. I'm sorry to say this as a rube. I'm such a rube.

A greenhorn. Oh, I was a noob rube. A noob and a rube. I think I managed to entertain people by counting to a hundred as a mic test that no one asked me. Shockingly, almost went better than the rest of the show when you counted to 100.

It was like, you know when people say accounting course and they're impressed. It was like that, but much better. Well, thank you very much for coming everyone. And wow. The way it works is I stamp on James' hoof and that's how he knows how many. I just do it subtly and you don't notice. Okay, unscatch now. I think we've...

One, two, three. Okay, cord into the computer. I've got excellent connection. Don't know what with. I've got none of the right wires. Is it the front row? Because it doesn't feel like it is.