Loremen Podcast - Loremen S6Ep40 - Somerset Sects

Episode Date: November 6, 2025

The boys discover a peculiar cult boasting not one, but two Jesuses. Yowzah! Must be pretty awkward at Christmas. James whisks Alasdair off to the commune of the Agapemonites: a scandalous Victorian sect nestled in the sauciest region of Somerset. (Well, a few miles north of Taunton.) There's a little extra spice in the mix, because James has noticed that the word "sects" sounds a bit rude. See Alasdair On Tour in 2026! Edited by ⁠Laurence Hisee⁠ Join the LoreFolk at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠patreon.com/loremenpod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ko-fi.com/loremen⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Check the sweet, sweet merch here... ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.teepublic.com/stores/loremen-podcast?ref_id=24631⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ @loremenpod ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube.com/loremenpodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/loremenpod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.facebook.com/loremenpod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to Lawmen, a podcast about local legends and obscure curiosities from Days of Yore. I'm James Shakeshoft. I'm Alistair. We're going to the wild, wild west country. Nice to be back in Somerset. It's the dark underbelly, though. Oh no, not the dark underbelly. It is the darker underbelly. Oh, no.

It's a sordid tail. of Somerset sects. Oh, uh, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. I said sects. Sounds like we're doing another low men late. Hello, James. How's it going? Very well, thank you. How are things with you? Very good. What's going down in Shakespeare Town? Well, Shakespeare. All sorts. The shakers, they were, were they a religious group in the past. A religious sect, yeah, the shakers.

Well, it's funny, you should mention a religious sect from the past. Oh. Because... Have I unwittingly segd away? You have said, you have seagged, as I used to say. I think everybody If you don't in your head read Sieg Before correcting it to Segway Who are you? Yeah And if you don't

When you see someone going around On an electric As we all do So frequently Some sort of electric Tiny Horse And think Nice Sieg nerd

Then I don't know what you are Anyway It's spelled differently It's spelled correctly Isn't it For the form of transport the outlawed form of transport. It is spelled Segway.

My brief Segway Segways, first of all, they're the Mickey Rooney crazy town, aren't they, of transports? They're too crazy for boy town, too much of a boy for crazy town, right? You can't take them on the London Underground either. Same with Mickey Rooney. He must be carried on the escalators. My other Segway Segway was, is that like the Atkins Diet guy in there, The inventor of the Segway was a hoist by his own partard guy. I believe so.

In that his Segway went off a cliff and killed him. Yes, I believe he segged all the way. And the Atkins guy had died of, you know, complications to do it. Really? Only in protein and fat, right? Well, they're making weird life decisions with the Angels now. They're hoisting their patards with the Angels. They're whizzing annoyingly around heaven on Segways.

but with great abs. Oh, yeah. Alistair. James. Funny you should mention peculiar religious sects. It is funny that I should mention that. Because I've got some Somerset sects. Oh, oh, so I was pretty excited by the title that you've given this episode, which is saucy Somerset.

Yes. And is that because we're going to talk about sects? We're talking about some religious, quasi-religious sects. Baby. Going to talk about you and me talking about weird religious groups. From Somerset. In Somerset, this is from Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

Mysterious Somerset. Published by Bosny Books, came in at a cool £1.99. Ouch. It's like they're paying you. And I evidently bought it from a National Trust. And this was published in 2003 when £1.99 didn't mean that much money.

It's still quite cheap. It is a pamp. It's held together with staples. There's like three or four different sections in it, and each section has a different author. This section is the self-styled Messiah by Ray Wadden. Would you? Because Ray Wadden. Ray Wadden.

Right, it's going to be a filmic tale. Are you ready? I am. Smash cut. I'm settling angrily in for another James Shagstaffed movie. They all start with a smash cut because they're smash cut from adverts. Right. Yep.

Yep, smash cut again. We are in 1902. We're in northeast London in Clapton, and we are in the Ark of the Covenant Church, which I think is as good as the Holy Grail Church. Do you? I'm more a Crystal Skull Church myself. Oh, well, I do have a soft spot for the Chapel of the Temple of Doom. Well, thank you. That's my written joke for the week. Yes, the Ark of the Covenant Church, and a vicar is rising to speak to the assembled congregation. the congregated assembly, the gathered group, the grouped gathering, the huddled mass, the massive bundle.

Did you have bundles at your school? Were they called bundles up your way? We've got the word bundles, but if you're referring to a specific thing. Between lessons, when all the kids in the school are going down the corridors, what would someone shout before everyone started pushing? I just don't think walking through corridors was a challenge for us, James. I think maybe you went to a bigger or meatier, beefier school than I did. I think maybe the corridors was the smaller. People sort of jammed in with, I'm imagining sort of large beefy boys like you all squeezed into the corridor.

So like, we're at the sort of T-junctions at lessen changeovers, there'd be big traffic jams. And people would shout bundle. And people would shout bundle. And then everyone start pushing. Oh, it's a way to cause pushing. And that would cause a bundle. Right. We didn't have that. It feels like this is just a terribly run school. Yeah. So that's what's happening in this church. They're doing a bundle.

Anyway, no, this vicar, I've got the description by Ray Wad on here, emaciated of sallow countenance. He had dark, glistening bright eyes. His thin black hair was parted down the center of his small head. And slowly he rose and stood looking fixedly at the many worshippers of both sexes, then speaking softly, almost musically. But with deliberation, he declared, I who speak to you tonight am the Lord Jesus Christ who died and rose again and ascended into heaven. I am that Lord Jesus. I am him. I am him. Come again in my own body to save those who come to me from death and judgment.

Wow. Yeah. So that's the Reverend John Hugh Smith-Piggott. Sorry, James. I think you mean that's Jesus Christ. Sorry, yes, that is, that am Jesus. Interesting that you would say I'm Jesus come back from the dead

but also then just do like his sort of LinkedIn profile in case the people listening hadn't heard of Jesus. In church. Yeah, as if those people don't know who Jesus is. But I'm Jesus by the way

and if you haven't heard of Jesus I'm a pretty big deal. In case you needed further description he went on to say it's not there in heaven while you'll find your God but in me who am united with the father.

Wow, big claims here can he substantiate them? Well, some people in the massive bundle agreed with him. They shouted, God is here. I see him on the altar. Behold, that is God. A grey-haired man rose excitedly shouting, behold, that is Christ.

Sorry, I'm sorry for laughing. If it is him, that's very inappropriate. Well, spoiler alert. Yeah. They all started singing, oh, hail thou, king of glory. And unsurprisingly, the next week at church, quite a few people are turned up. He managed to do his service, no problem. But at the end of the service, an angry mob numbering several thousand had gathered outside.

Wow, that is large even by mob standards. That is quite the bundle. Women moaned. Some fainted in the crush. Journalists were among the people swept aside in the mad rush. Police were unable to cope with the situation. Is that women moaning with pain or just sort of winging about the situation? There's a lot of mobs here at the moment.

I'm just trying to walk past this church, this Indiana Jones themed church. So did they roll a big boulder at the crowd? What happened? Well, he managed to get away, so presumably, yeah, he ran through a bunch of spider's webs. It sort of priest hat came off, but as the thing was coming down and he snatched it just the last second. He dropped his dog collar, yeah. And I guess if he'd been a Catholic one, he could have got his rosary beads. Yeah, that would have been good. But it said it was little short of miraculous.

The Piggott reached his charming home, Cedar Lodge, by Clapton Common unharmed. And this made the news, unsurprisingly, that this guy was claiming to be Jesus. And there was quite the kerfuffle. Yeah, Jesus, in North London. The South Londoners aren't going to like this. But then Jesus decided to abandon London, this Jesus. to a rural refuge in Somerset in a village called Spaxton, which is near Bridgewater, to a gathering of people called the Agepamone.

Oh. I don't need to tell you, Alistair, that is Greek for Abode of Love. And yeah, this is in Spaxston near Bridgewater. We've discussed Bridgewater a couple of times. There was a witch there. Classic witch tale of like someone injured a rabbit and then a woman had a limp. She's a witch. And also in more recent times, there was.

was that guy eccentric bloke who pretends he's driving an HGV lorry. Oh, yes, but what is he actually doing? She's just going and walking in the road. Do you remember him? I don't remember him. He'd sort of park up and go into a shop and then come out and get really annoyed that someone had parked in his lorry. I'm laughing, but then I'm starting to think this actually sounds like concerning behaviour.

Yes, I hope he's got some help if he needed it. So, yeah, we're in the Agapermany, which is the home of the Agapamanites. It doesn't sound like a beetle at all. It sounds like a group of loving people. The Agapamanites, founded by Reverend Henry John Price, who was a former doctor, and he took over when the rector, Samuel Starkey, became ill. And he started doing the, you know, the sermons, which were reasonably poorly attended, until one service he threw himself on the ground and appeared possessed. And unsurprisingly, the attendants grew at that time.

church. Oh. And he started, you know, acting out, eventually divided the congregation into men's and women's services. So he do a service of men, do a service of women. Then he did a sinners and a righteous services. He separated his congregation into sinners and righteous. Yes. Right. And weirdly enough, the righteous ones were almost all hot rich women. It's coincidence, I guess. And history mentions how hot the women were, James. That's not editorializing from you. No, unfortunately. that comes into it a lot. Right, the hotness of women,

relevant and fact-based. The bishop was called to investigate and Prince was defrocked. That's going to cause a real sensation. Well, if you get in the gist of where this is going, it's probably not the first time. Oh! If you know what I mean.

So ultimately he gathered a bunch of what he called his disciples and the hot, rich women, into what is, in essence, I'd say, a cult. It does sound like a cult. It's ever so culty, because then he got all those hot rich women to pull all their money together

and then he chose how to spend it. Right, yeah, this is a cult, James. Definite cult. He bought this... It's more cult than occult. Woo-hoo. So, Prince, so Prince, that sounds west, not the singer, the Reverend formerly known as Reverend Henry John Prince,

to very much the surprise of his cult followers, this guy who kind of said that he was immortal and reincarnation of Jesus died. So Prince is dead. He's off the scene. This Prince is dead. He died at 88. That doesn't prove he wasn't Jesus

because Jesus is famous for having died. But then I suppose he wouldn't come back and then just die again, would he, without making a big show of it? Well, he had made quite a few shows with his cult, with his religious sects, if you know what I mean earlier on, in his abode of love.

But yeah, he was buried at midnight in secret and he was buried upright. Oh. Yeah, standing up so that he would be ready for the resurrection. Yeah, I just don't think standing up would be that much of a challenge. It's the least tricky bit. Of coming back from the dead, do you think? Yeah, it's standing up.

I stand up all the time. Yeah, yeah, not being led down is. Yep. Yeah, I think that's an afterthought. How much time is that really saving? Really. I think it would be easier to get out of a coffin that was laid down than it would be to get out of a hole my height standing up.

What if they still just buried at six feet? So you're basically your top of your coffins right at this, but you're not really buried. Oh, I see what you mean. I was imagining the top was like six feet down. That seems like double the effort. It's got to be surely, because I'm over six feet tall. So if it only went six feet down, the top two inches of my head and your eyebrows and upwards, James, will be poking out of the ground. Yeah.

Making a mockery of the rockery. That head-sized pebbles very white. and covered in flies. Yeah, so he died, and his secretary, Edwin Douglas Malcolm Hamilton. Just one guy. Yes, just one guy. Where do you think he's from? I think he's Scottish.

He is, a tall, broad-shouldered, Durskot. He lived in the complex, the compound, basically, in his own little cottage. It's sounding very sort of secure the perimeter now. It's a complex and a compound. It is. Prince's rule had been. that no male member should reside in the mansion itself. So he lived in like a cottage on the grounds.

And he had promised the community he would find the new heavenly bridegroom. Right. He didn't want to become it himself. Oh, well, that's quite self-sacrificing. Eh, well. And I just want some praise from the listener for the way we just skip past the phrase male member

without attempting any kind of double entendre there. I think this, Ken, has put a lot of double entendres because he refers to the defrocking as being unfroked. Oh. Which I think he's being, I think he's having a bit of fun there, Ken. Ken. But Hamilton met Piggott in Dublin and persuaded Piggott to proclaim himself the new Messiah. So that's what Piggott did in the church and then retreated to the Agapamanites as the new Messiah, as the heavenly bridegroom.

So he'd already got word that there was a job opening for Jesus. Yes. And he climbed that ladder. Wow. Okay. He started out as a sailor, then a vicar, then a Jesus. then simply a Jesus. Tinker, Taylor, Soldier, Jesus.

Yes. And apparently told Hamilton to prepare a dossier of all members, their interests and ages. And, it says here, after perusing this carefully, he wrote stating there were far too many old people there. Recruits, young and attractive, must be brought in from overseas, he suggested. So, yeah. Wow.

And presumably the implication as well is rich. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he was married to Catherine Renner. but he also had second wife, Ruth Annie Priest, who was his chief soul bride. Right. I don't know an awful lot about the church, but they don't normally allow that sort of thing, do they? Well, funny you should mention that, Alistair, because it's right about now that the Bishop of Bath and Wells gets involved and is like, hey, Vicar, you can't be doing this. Yeah, one of the classic bishops, by the way, Bath and Wells, one of your top

Bishops. Thanks to Blackadder. Yeah. I'm saying baby eating in my head. Yeah, absolutely. So this guy, Dr. Kenyon, was determined that a citation should be served on Piggott. But it was very difficult because of the whole compound situation, as discussed. It was surrounded by a big wall, this building.

It had a big old tower, and on the four corners of it were almost life-sized statues of a bull, an eagle, a lion and a man. Wow. And it goes on to mention that the bull and the lion had wings and the man was an angel. So I think the imbligate, presumably the eagle had wings, otherwise that's not an eagle, is it? No. That's a bad statue of an eagle. It's just a beach ball with a neck. With, with spikes.

It's just a pointy beach ball. And a self-bursting beach ball. Revolting. Yeah. So he's gone rogue. He's off the case, but the chief hasn't managed to get his gun and badge off him. Not at all. And all the people of the village are Spaxston as well, they're closing ranks. Like, they're not giving any information about the abode. If you try and bribe them, they're not...

Really? They're all like, what's it to you? You can't even bribe them. Who's asking? Apparently, the Aggeppermanites was very generous to the poor of the parish, especially at Christmas. Right. So they were quite happy for them to be there. The guy was trying to serve the papers, but couldn't do it. Every time he visited or sent his secretary to visit, he just got the message that the Messiah is away.

Soz, mate, Jesus ain't in. Just flapping open the letterbox to say, you're not a priest anymore. Well, in the end, they did manage to serve the papers it on December the 16th, 1908, and a month later, in absence, Piggott was, again, unfrocked, and his third child was born shortly afterwards.

So again, I'm going to use that joke again. I don't believe that was the first time. Very nice. And this was near the little town of Bridgewater, which it describes here as having a mere 12,000 people in it, and there was little in the way of entertainment. It is bigger now, but I think, to be honest, Bridgewater, my experience of it,

there is still little in the way of entertainment. When Brother Prince, the original leader of the cult, would make his visits, he'd do it in like a big old carriage with four big horses pulling it, outrider postillions, bloodhounds all around. It was a big deal.

But by the time, Piggots there, it's just become quite normal. In 1924, it said that pigot was constantly motoring in the town, where his appearance now causes no excitement or interest. I don't think he's got the showmanship of the Prince. No. Who does? Who did? Quite, quite. He's not doing like a full month run at the O2 with a different set each night, is he? Did Prince do that? Yeah. On Monday the 21st of March, 1927, which is many years before the O2 was built, the second Jesus of this cult also died. Whoa.

Two Jesuses lost in as many decades. Yes. To lose one Jesus is bad look. Yes. Jesus me once. Shame on me. Jesus me twice. Jesus me twice.

You won't Jesus me again. I feel like I missed my chance to say something like his purple rain was over. Oh, that's nice. When the first guy died. Yeah, yeah. Just in your brains, edit that in. Yes. So, yeah, there was a big old funeral.

And, you know, this cult had been quite famous. No one of the Agapamanites would speak to the press. But it was often in the papers because it was this very peculiar religious sects. And when the funeral happened, Fleet Street descended in force. And this is where Ray himself gets into the story because Ray Wadden was a reporter at the time. And he went there to try and find out more information. Wadden's on the case? Wadden is on the case.

He was an enthusiastic young reporter on a weekly newspaper and he attempted to climb a telegraph pole to get a better look. But a burly red-faced policeman. and hauled him down. Oh. Yeah. There are a lot of police at this funeral as well. I guess because they knew that it would have so much interest that they just needed to keep the piece.

Do you remember that riot from earlier? Oh, yeah, yeah, yes, I do. According to Ray, a daily mirror photographer wanted to take pictures, but to avoid breaking the law by causing an obstruction, he got a taxi driver to go very slowly up and down the lane whilst he sat on the roof trying to take pictures. That's not a crime.

Is it a crime to sit on the roof of a moving vehicle? Probably. It should be. Definitely. If Prince had been there, he would have said, get off. Which is a Prince song from 1991. I've got a list of Prince songs now, just in case, yeah. Nice.

But he spells get off with two T's, as if he's annoyed. I'm sure that's not what it means in the song, but I don't know. I'd be thrilled of that Prince song was just Prince being really annoyed with some kids on his garage. Get, come on. Get off. Get off. Get off. Yeah, we've all got a good laugh.

Come on. So that was 1927. And in 1936, his legal wife, Catherine, also died. And there was another funeral. And then in 1956, Sister Ruth Piggott, who was his spiritual bride, she died as well. And the press were actually allowed into this funeral. And the last of the Agapamanites were there. And they're all aged between 70 and 94. Right. They need to get some younger, hotter members, I suppose. It's over now. Yeah. And in 1962, the property was sold. Here, I'll let Ray do the talk in here. In the spring of 1962, the impenetrable curtain of the whole place finally fell. The property was sold.

The perimeter has been breached. Yeah. So numerous were the sights here is that the lane was completely blocked. Cars and the Saturday afternoon bus to town were held up. The organ was dismantled by a well-known taunton firm of organ builders and removed to the Roman Catholic Church of the Holy Cross. I don't think I had to say which firm of taunton organ builders? No, very well-known one.

If you know, you know. Yeah, so they took it to the Roman Catholic Church of the Holy Cross at Bedminster in Bristol. So if you find yourself in that church, ask some awkward questions about where their massive organ came from. That's Jesus Christ's organ over there. So the chapel, the reputed centre of the disorderly house, a den of corruption, it's a dignified structure of architectural merit and historic interest. What became of that? Well, the family happily and generously, refused to allow it to be bulldozed in the name.

of progress, and so suffer the fate of many buildings of note. And Bridgewater District Council gave planning permission for its conversion into a puppet studio. What? And there, the puppeteers Bob Bura and John Hardwick turned it into a studio. Now, they had previously run their stop-motion puppetry studio out of, you know, in Crouch End, that studios the church. I don't, I'm afraid.

It's just opposite the King's Head, which is a gig. Oh, right, yes. It's a big old church, but it's not actually a church. It's a studios. It was owned by the Eurythmix for a bit. So they also went from North London out to Somerset? Yes. But without claiming to be Jesus.

No, not at any point. Just humble puppeteers. Humble puppeteers. The humble puppeteers, Bob Burrow and John Hardwick, who were the puppeteers for Camberwick Green and Trumpton. Ooh. And also known for Captain Pugwash. Captain Pugwash.

Yes. Wow. Now, sorry, for American listeners and listeners internationally might not realize that those are some, you've just dropped some of the clangiest, heaviest names. It's possible to drop. Yeah, apart from clangers, all right. Apart from the clangers, slightly clangier. Yeah.

Captain Pugwash, an absolute banger of a show. And I'm a little bit too young for the name of those characters wrong in a previous episode. Ah, okay. Is it Pugh, Pugh, two of them are called Pue? Or is it Hugh Pugh. I think it's probably Hugh Pugh. Pugh. They're not lasers.

They're all laser guns. Biny McGrew, Cuthbert, Dibble and Grub, perhaps. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, no, there are two pews. It is Pue Pugh, Poo, Poo, Boney McGrew, Cuthbert, Dibble, Grub, yes. And the way you said it like Barney McGrew was the echo in the Western. Piu Pio, Mani McGroo.

Yeah, so that smash cut is now going to one of those bits where it goes to a little circle. So is the smash cut from the story. still going on. Probably. I don't know how they work. They usually don't take this long, but carry on. What's the thing when it goes into a little circle? That's an iris.

Yeah, it does an iris. Like the end of a cartoon, an iris out. Yeah, on the window of the religious sects church. Oh, yeah. And there's a rude little puppet in there giving a wink. A rude little puppet. Yes. I thought we'd finish talking about Prince.

So that is a story of Sorsy Somersets' religious sex people. Wow. Both scandalous and controversy. Also, I'm just reading Prince's some titles now. A scandalous controversy. There you go. That's two, two for one. Bat dance. I'm just going to say baddance. Very good, James. Outrageous behavior. Exactly. Now, Alistair, ordinarily, I'd say, judge not lest ye be judged. You're always saying that, James. Forever saying it. That's how I sign off most of my texts. to edit it out of the podcast, because James is always saying it. Every sentence. But this week, let's get judge in. Let's judge in. Let's judgey. Let's judge these sects people. I'm going

to ignore a log in my own eyes and just judge away. Yeah. I think that they were weird and wrong. Do I get any points with that? Wait, no, you get a point. It's the scores. I'm confused. And they were weird sex people. Okay. Well, first judgment is the judgment of supernatural. Well, it's a zero, James. Okay. It's a one. It's a one because it's odd and spooky, but I do not believe that either of these guys were Jesus. No. Call me a cynic. You didn't think they'd become one with the Holy Ghost. I think Jesus had ambitions beyond having loads of girlfriends in Somerset. Yeah? I almost never mentioned that. Okay, so yeah, I'll take that one, to be honest, because I'm surprised I even got that.

But second category, naming. Oh, okay, some great names. What's the name of the village? Sex have or something. Spaxton. Spaxston, beautiful. Disgusting, actually. A horrible-sounding name.

Agapomone. Yeah, great. We don't know how to pronounce it. I don't know how to pronounce it or spell it. There is a YouTube pronunciation video, but I can't imagine. A gapomone. That it's in any way, right. Agapomone.

The abode of love. The abode of love, beautiful. Prince. Brackets for rich people. Yes, Prince. Yeah, Prince, great name. So good, his record label took it from him. So clearly a very profitable name.

Yeah, yeah. Spiritual brides. The Heavenly Bridegroom. Yeah, very good. Roger, is that the name of the writer? No, but it would be appropriate, probably. Ray Wadden. Ray.

Ray Wadden. Yes. Not Roger Haddon. No. No. Edwin, Douglas, Malcolm, Hamilton. Yeah, all the lads. All the lad.

Okay, there were some pretty good names here. I think it's a four. Yes. My next category is, well, it's an either-or category because I've thought of two names and I like them both. And historically, do those score more highly or not? Let's find out. It's either a very nice.

naughty boy. Because he's not the Messiah. Very good. Or cult classic. Cult classic. Both great names. James, I thought that usually when you do a sort of a colon something, it's got three attempts, it's got an oar, there's a slash. Normally that sort of dilutes the quality of the category. There's a smash cut in there somehow. There's often a smash cut. In this case, those are both absolutely banging categories. I can't wait to see what you've got for category number four, considering these are both. both eminently scoreworthy.

Okay. Uh-oh. A very naughty boy. Obviously a Monty Python reference. Listen to this podcast, probably haven't heard of Monty Python. No. But there were a niche comedy group here in the UK. Yeah, underground.

And, yeah, if you're in the know, you know. And cult classic, yeah. And it is classic cult behavior. It is. And also I did that thing where it was a bit like a film for like two seconds. at the beginning, and then it was a bit like a cartoon at the end. Yeah, yeah, you quickly abandoned film conceit. And then you irised out, I think, very few films do it.

With a puppet on an animated puppet. On the sexy puppet. Yeah, just the usual film ending where iris is out. And then afterwards it shows what happened to the characters and what happened to the sexy puppets. And we're in freeze frame. Yeah. Yeah, it's five out of five. Yes.

It's five out of five for that double category. Nice one. Well, in which case, my final. category is Pugh, Pue, Pony McGrew, Cuthbert, Dibble and Jesus. Okay. I liked it. It had an unexpected twist. A surprising amount of people went along with, there's like 500 people in this cult at one point.

Wow, that's a lot. That's a lot of... And two Jesuses in total. A lot of hot, wealthy women were hoodwinked. Yeah. So many people got involved in it. Yeah, and so this category represents the number of people who were taken for a ride. Yes.

for want of a better phrase. And also that the property was eventually used by the animation studios that made... Oh, yes, of course. Trumpson, Camberwick Green. So... Captain Pugs. Yeah. Yeah, I think it's a four out of five, James.

And I say that because I still think there's a small chance that one of those guys might have been Jesus. So I'm just hedging my bets here. You never know. I don't want to say for certain... You never know who's Jesus. That's what I always say. We'll see what happens at the resurrection.

And we have to edit it out of the episode. Yeah, so just in case one of them is Jesus, it's a four. Alistair, over there in the rockery. There's that little top square of a box that's got opening up like a trapdoor. And I can just see the top of a man's head with the middle parting. He's back. He's back. He can't get out, though, because he can't get his arm's up.

He can't get out. He can't get out. He can sort of, he's just jumping up and down being angry. We'd have to pass a step ladder down to little. But there's not enough for him in a coffin for a step ladder. We're just going to have to grab him by the head and lift him out like he's a in a, like he's a prize in a claw machine. That's very, I was going to say, if we start to fill it with sand, he could stand on the sand. But there is a small chance that we could drown Jesus in sand if we did it my way.

If we fill it with water, he'd be tap dancing. Hey, perfect. He's blooming Jesus, mate. Very good, James. Well, four out of five. Yes. A respectful one knocked off in case of Jesus. Due to Jesus.

Well, that's pretty spicy, wasn't it? Yeah, it was actually only one sect, I noticed, though. Yeah, I know, but the pun, Alice is to the pun. Yeah, it sounded better as a title. Think of the pun. Unsurprisingly, a bit of that was cut out for decency. Some of the saucier business. You will have access to if you join us at patreon.com forward slash lawmen pod.

Thank you very much to all the people that already do do that. And thank you very much, Sir Lawrence, for editing this one. Thank you, Lawrence. Alistair, you're on tour, right? I will be in the spring of 2026. I'll be on tour with my show. King of Crumbs, please come and see it if you're in the UK. James comes to all of them, but disguised as an attractive Somerset woman.

Do you, are you Googling Prince songs? I'm Googling Prince. He's coming up Prince Andrew at the top one. That's not even his name anymore. He's not the main Prince in the news. He's not even a Prince anymore. That's not fair.