Loremen Podcast - Loremen S6Ep44 - Finstock Phantoms

Episode Date: December 4, 2025

You know what they say: if you remember Finstock, you've been to West Oxfordshire. Here we discover a wealth of ghosts from James's old stomping ground. There's a 1990s spectre, an 1800s preacher and a 39000s (BCE) neanderthal. Plus, a truly chilling lady ghost whose beckoning hands can only be seen by children. Pop on your body warmers... now! ⁠⁠⁠See Alasdair On Tour in 2026!⁠⁠⁠⁠ Edited by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Laurence Hisee⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Join the LoreFolk at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠patreon.com/loremenpod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ko-fi.com/loremen⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Check the sweet, sweet merch here... ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.teepublic.com/stores/loremen-podcast?ref_id=24631⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ @loremenpod ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube.com/loremenpodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/loremenpod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.facebook.com/loremenpod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to Lawmen, a podcast about local legends and obscure curiosities from Days of Yore. I'm James Shakeshaft. I'm Alistair Beckett King. And Alistair, I've gone back to my hometown. Where It All Began. For this, I think it's a terrifying bunch of tales. So please get your spine warming jillais on. That's me and the listeners. I'm not wearing more than one.

It's time for the Finstock phantoms. The video is just simply for us. So people won't be able to see that you've got your Christmas lights up. Oh, I really, I put the camera on just for you to enjoy the Christmas lights, James. That's wonderful. Thank you very much. I've just been literally wrestling a tree. Wrestling a tree, James. Wrestling a tree.

Wrestling. Wrestling a tree. Tell me it was a Christmas tree. Oh, yeah. It was festive. Okay, good. Not just to giant redwood. To James, wrestling a giant redwood, that would be me with a Cadbury's finger.

Or as I call it, wrestling a redwood. So is that, how big is a Christmas tree, James? It's a seven-footer. Whoa. Which, you know, the top foot is one, is just one long one. Yeah. You know, it's not bushy all the way to the top. That's impossible.

That is impossible. We do want a Christmas tree that tapers, James. Nobody wants a Christmas tree that's sort of cylindrical all the way up. Christmas tube. Nobody wants. Once the Christmas tube. Oh, Christmas tube, oh Christmas tube. How circular are your branches.

The tapering is absolutely a central part of the Christmas trees brand. Definitely. Yes, exactly. You've got to, if it wasn't like that, you'd sharpen it. You would, you'd have to. You'd cut it. You'd just whizz it through a Christmas tree sharpener. Like one of them desk-mounted ones.

That only teachers know how to use. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not allowed to use that except under supervision. Mm-hmm. So, yeah, that's been. my day, because it is, of course, December now. It's now December. We've already got our Christmas lights up. Good work. As James can see, but the listener can hear, maybe. They're not twinkling that loud. They don't twinkle loudly, no. Just twinkling in my heart. Are you an advent calendarer?

No, not anymore. I try not, well, yeah, I try not to start the day with a piece of revolting chocolate. Because the vegan advent calendars are low quality. Really? Well, both very expensive and not not very nice. Oh, no. They've managed to nail that sort of woody, cardboardy chocolate. Milk chocolate you used to get in the 90s, but I imagine you've got a really swanky middle-class Advent calendar there, James. Why, of course, I have.

The problem is it's at the top of the tree and he can't reach it. Yeah, I've had to fight the Christmas tree every morning. Help James reach his Advent calendar. Alistair, are you ready to have your spine tingled? I think I am, yes. It's Christmas time. It's a time for telling ghost stories, isn't it? If you're British.

Yeah, if you're Mark Gatis. Yeah. Right, Alistair, I've got a bunch of scary things. I've got a new book. It's called Oxfordshire Ghosts. It's by Joe Robinson, and it came out in the year 2000. Oh, very modern. This is basically breaking ghost news for us.

Okay. Published by Warncliff Books, which is an imprint of pen and sword books. limited. Yeah, that's got the vibes of an eccentric, magical revival, 1970s publishing house to me, pen and sword, don't you think? They've got both corners covered. It's like, oh, the pen's minor than the sword. It's fine, we've got a sword as well.

Not a problem. What's mightier than a pen that's mighty than a sword, a sword with a pen on the end? A pen sword, yeah, exactly. Dip a pen in ink. Now I can write and fight. We're ready to go. You are dead meat. buddy. I'm about a sign your death warrant with a sword that's also a pen.

I've got a click-clickable gel sword. It's got like four different colours. There's a red one. There's a blue one. There's a black one. We don't need the green. It's still there if we need it. The colours have distinct smells. Is the ink claggy? You bet your ass it's claggy. This is Oxfordshire Ghosts. This is Joe Robinson's book. And I'm taking you back to Neil. near my old stomping ground. I was going to say haunt, but that would be confusing, given a context. Yeah, James isn't a ghost.

He's a man with huge feet. Yes, although you might become confused as to whether I am one of the ghosts in this story. I'll let you work out which one. Okay, so we're near Finstock, which is... Like a financial woodstock? Yes, it's like a fish's woodstock. It's Finstock.

We've got a ghost stock. white stallion that was seen in the mid-90s. We've got a 90s ghostly white stallion. It was seen in 96 and 97 around the area of hilltop nurseries, which is a nursery near the top of a hill in Finstock. And the horse left to the entrance of the nurseries, galloped away up the hill and disappeared. Because I think, as we were all thinking up to that point,

this is a normal horse. It sounded a lot like a horse. So vanished before people's own. eyes, or did it disappear around a corner? I... It's the problem with English, isn't it? It's a fuzzy language. Well, in 97, the opposite happened.

It appeared and then went into the nurseries. Yes, basically. Halfway down, it appeared and sort of did the opposite, like it had forgot its keys. A year later. But what's a year to a ghost horse, I suppose? Great question, James. Yeah, what is a year in the land of the dead?

But this ghost horse, it could be... related to one of the other spectres from around there because on the road to Finstock, from Chalbury to Finstock, by the way, we're all squarely in old school whichwood forest area. Just to make things clear, James, because this is Oxfordshire in the 90s, I've been thinking about Radiohead the whole time you've been talking. Yes. And vis-a-vis the last story, can I just say, street spirit fade out?

Oh. Thank you. Nice. That was the name of the horse. I assume. Street spirit. Maybe it was called that, yeah. Yes. It's the late 90s. They're trying to do OK computer. Not OK Ghost.

That's actually a really good name for an album. Although, it'd be a bit confusing for OK Go. Oh, yeah. OK Ghost. If the band OK Go were all to die and then come back. This is their posthumous. Post humus? It really writes itself. Well, it would seem to if it was ghosts, because it would be like automatic writing, wouldn't it? Is that the true when people say, oh, this thing writes itself? Is it because of, ghosts. A ghost wrote it, yes.

That's what a ghost writer is. That's why they came up with the term ghost writer to try and throw us off the St. Alistair. Yes. They muddying the water. Ah, they put the clues all in plain sight. Yeah, like all conspiracies. They just want to, they do want to tell people.

I don't know anyone to find out, but I do want to make some anagrams. I'm going to brag about it. I'm going to put them in the public sphere. Ever successfully. But that's not the only ghost. You know what else ghost there is? No, I don't. There is a early 19th century clergyman.

So what's that, 1800s? Yeah. Which, now, I'm not having a pop at Vickers. Okay. Oh, is he? But fashion-wise. Watch out, Vickers. Fashion-wise, I don't feel they've moved on since the early 1800s.

Oh, Shakeshft. I'm slamming them. Slams Vickers as stick in the muds fashion-wise. I'm going to unleash a tirade, a foul-mouth four-letter a tirade against Vicar fashion. Wow. O'Rev, ever heard of double denim? Try it sometime. On the lanes around

Finstock, there is a clergyman dressed in black, wearing the clergyman's garb of the period. Again, I don't think, unless he's got like a pair of glasses, you know, those New Year's glasses that say like 1807 or something. I'm sure they were huge in 1807 those glasses.

Yeah. or a big medallion that says, I heart the 1810s. I don't think you can tell the, I don't think you can date a vicar. Can you date a vicar? Possible idea for a reality TV show. Depends on the denomination, I suppose.

Yeah. Yeah, it's much more controversial in some religions than others. Yeah, so there's an ancient vicar that slowly melts into a misty haze as he walks unconcernedly through gates and into hedgerows. Oh. Yes, there's just a ghost vicar knocking around.

Maybe he's looking for the 90s horse. We can never know. Yeah, the melting vicar of finstock. The melting vicar of finstock. But that isn't the only spooky finstock thing. And this one, Alistair, now I'm going to need to do a movie warning, everyone. Moorie warning.

We're not far from the original site of the original movie either. Wow. This is, we're almost at Mooy Central. In Finstock, a huge creature usually seen as a shadow. And a monster has been observed by a number of people. And apart from some minor details, they all have basically appeared to see the same thing. The creature has been described as a cross between a broad-shouldered hairy Neanderthal and a huge brown bear.

Wow. I mean, the first one sounds a bit like you, James, but the second one sounds terrifying. That was the word that I said that might have been. I see, I see you saw yourself in that. I did, yeah. Maybe that's not a huge brown bear. Maybe it's a seven-foot Christmas tree and they have the eternal struggle.

That's true. In low light, we can't see colour as well, can we? That's why things look black and white in low light. Yeah. Because the colour receptors in our eyes aren't working. Why, why? Because they, have they clocked off for the day? What's going on?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They have a little kip at night time. Oh. Because there's rods and cones, you know, the two shapes for a Christmas tree. Is that why we think there's such twinkly lights on Christmas trees? They're not actually there. It's just because of all the rods and cones.

Yeah, yeah, 100%. Yes. I would say yes. I didn't really understand the question. Yes. We're busting all these cases wide opens. Wide open. We're damaging the hinges.

This beast, this broad-shouldered hairy Neanderthal. Let's just call it a shake shaft. We'll just see that people can picture it. It says that it's crossed between a huge brown bear, but now I'm thinking it's just cross with a huge brown bear. Yeah, it's bought a slightly too large a bear for its house. And it's seen shambling around back gardens in Finstock, which, again, to be honest, I'm not sure it isn't me.

It is connected to something that Joe mentions here that I cannot find any other evidence about, but it says that there are ancient stone sculptures found in the area. Oh. I don't know what they are. There are stones. There are a bunch of standing stones around there, but nothing particularly sculptory. I suppose,

I guess those stones have been chiseled out of the living rock. So I guess they must have been carved to some extent. But they're not exactly a sculpture. Yeah, but they didn't look that different in 2000, in the year 2000. No, no. But it says, yeah, they were fashioned into the shape of an animal unknown to nature.

So if any, actually, if any listeners do it, because I know some listeners are local to the region, If they do know what on earth that's on about, please let me know. I'm very interested to find out more on that one. Yeah, I'd like to see a stone carved into a shape of an animal unknown to science. A broad-shouldered hairy Neanderthal. Yeah, we could get a picture of you next to it. Put the rumours to rest once and for all.

Yes, not the same. But what if it is the same? Shaghaft, not the Finstock beast. In not the Finstock beast, shocker. Also, I did try to Google. not the Finstock beast. And now, this is not a Back to the Future reference. Isn't it?

It is, however, a Teen Wolf reference. Because I just kept getting results for Teen Wolf, because in Teen Wolf, the coach is called Coach Finstock. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that is obviously a Michael J. Fox film from around the time of Back to the Future. Now, these ghosts, I think, are all knocked into a cocked hat, even include up to and include in the broad-shouldered Neanderfold.

cross with a bear. We're going to need a big hat. For this next ghost. This is a ghost that travels, or basically a collection of ghosts, that travel from Charlbury to Finstock. Charlebury's very near to Finstock. It's a phantom coach. Good.

I like a phantom coach. Although this, again, this being Oxfordshire, I'm picturing the Oxford Tube kind of a coach. You know, one with sort of nice, comfy seats and a USB port for charging your phone. Yes. Good Wi-Fi. It's got good Wi-Fi. I always imagine if I'm ever stuck and driving along the M-40

for Wi-Fi. Just drive near enough. Yeah. Yes, very smart. Like a really dull, low-stakes version of speed. I'm just trying to download a YouTube video. So basically, yeah, there's a Phantom Ghost. A Phantom Coach.

It says Phantom Coach and four. So there's a few horses there. I guess it's always four. I guess one didn't get loose. I feel like I should just... Clarify for the listener, there is the Oxford Tube, there is no Oxford Cone. There's the Gatwick Express though. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But it's not that pointy. As aerodynamic as it may be, it's not pointy. Please continue, James. Yeah, so there's a coach and four, which goes from Chalbury through Finstock onto goodness knows where, says Joe. Oh, lovely. But it appears to follow a route, more or less in line with the existing road. but it kind of detours off at various points and it's sort of positive that those may have been

like old like staging posts or something or the road just like went off into odd little laybys in the past that it doesn't anymore and there's a riding school just outside of Chalbury on the Finstock Road which witnessed it going past and always before you see it you hear the sound of a coaching horse is and then it kind of goes silent

and then you see it or you just get the noise of it going past and as it's just gone out of sound, you just see it off in the distance, disappearance. You don't kind of see it and hear it at the same time it seems. It's out of sync with itself. Yes. Wow.

That's good. I haven't heard that before. That's a nice, specific detail. It's gone so fast, it's gone out of sync with itself and time. Yes, it's broken the speed barrier. That's not the phrase. I'm thinking of the film speed. The sound barrier, not the speed barrier.

The speed barrier is 50 miles an hour. At 20, in a built up areas near schools. Oh, yes, of course, yeah. So apparently a bunch of Chalburians, Cholbury, Chalbrians, put a barricade in the path of the coach. Oh, yeah. Right, mischievous. Yes, and what do you think happened? Well, I would expect it to just pass straight through it unharmed, but maybe for there to be some kind of negative consequences for those cheeky villages.

Nothing terrible happened to them. The coach came out to the barricade, stopped, and then just went back to Chalbury. Oh! And it only came out when they moved the barricade away, then it rattled on past. Okay, so that's interesting, because you don't normally interact with a ghost like this. No. Normally, it's like they're just on their own track doing their own thing. Or like you'd interact with it, but it's very much on their terms.

It's not often that you can kind of influence them. But there was another tale of this ghost coach. which I think is very scary. Okay. So do be ready. Get your spine untingler. Oh, pop a hot water bottle on it. Thank you.

So a mother and a young son were near it. There's a bridge and a little river or stream around there. And the mother and son were just walking past that bit when they heard the sound of the coach and horses. Now, this was at the time of coaches and horses. So it wasn't that weird. And they went over to the side of the road. Mm-hmm. And they heard it go past them.

And it was radio head. And the music coming out of it was fake plastic trees. They didn't understand what they were hearing. What is this? Whaling nonsense. And Tom York was like, you guys won't get it. But your kids are going to love it. And he was scared.

And he was also scared at that point. He was very scared. He himself was a future ghost. No, it was the Phantom Coach from Chalbury. Right. And they got over to the other side of the bridge and the noise of the coach and horses had stopped and the little boy said to his mother,

that lady in the carriage wants me to go over to her and the mum looked around. Oh. And while she could hear the sound of horses' hooves kind of scraping on the ground in a little creek of a horse as though a coach had come to rest nearby, she couldn't see it. Oh, but the child could see it.

Yeah. That lady in the coach wants me to go over. Yes. Oh. And he wanted to go and see what the lady wanted. Yeah, because he's polite. The mum did not want him to do that.

She was terrified. She grabbed his hand, made him stay exactly where he was. And then the sound of like wheels creaking and horses hooves clattering and that picked up speed. Oh, very frightening, yeah. The coach moved on. A narrow escape, perhaps. And the boy described the coach. The lady.

The lady. Lady. He wasn't from London, though. All children were cockneys in those days. The lady was sitting in a green carriage. I'm going to have to pitch that up a little bit, James. It's still coming through quite Neanderthal. Can we knock that up an octave?

I see, I can only go cockney if I go high-pitched. Yeah, well, if needs must. All right, mate. All right, mate. The lady was sitting in a green carriage. She wore a big hat with feathers in it. I could only see the top half of the lady. She was wearing a black jacket with a white blouse beneath.

There were two men in a carriage. They were both dressed in brown with long boots. One had a whip, and we're sitting on a side farthest away from me. They both had hats on. And this is getting less scary, really, isn't it? Yeah, the details aren't adding any spookiness, really. But he said that the lady beckoned him over and that she'd clearly been crying, and she put out both hands to entreat him to come over.

But when his mum said, no, you stand here, apparently her face looked really, really angry. Ah, that's good. This is chilling. Yep, very good. So there you go. The Finstuck ghosts from around that area. Excellent. Genuinely frightening, yeah.

That was pretty chilling that one. Yeah. Two hats, you say. They were both wearing hats. Wow. So that's pretty spooky, right? Very spooky. Are you ready to judge me?

Very ready to judge, yes. Thank you. So come on then. Bring me your scores. I will do. Of scores. Sling me one category and I will. Boom.

Naming. Good. Finstock. Quite like a fun name. Yeah. I haven't really come up with a name for the Radiohead Scooby-Doo spin-off. Oh, no. I look forward to the format getting stale,

and I'm introducing Tom York's nephew, who everybody hates. Scrappy York? Yeah, everyone's like this. This kid's got too much energy. Really messing with Radiohead's vibes. Scrappy York, great name. What other names were there?

have a name for the Phantom Coach? No. It was just called Coach and four. Coach and four? That's all right. Oh, wait a minute. The publishers.

The publishers. If in doubt, pen and sword. Pen and sword, yeah, good. Yes, they've covered all their bases there. Good name. Pen and sword books limited. Oh, thank goodness. Yeah, limited to the two most powerful weapons.

Mm-hmm. Very good. They've got a 24-hour phone line. A 24-hour? Who would need to ring a publisher outside of office hours? Yeah, they've got a 24-hour. a free post to Barnsley, and then they've got a telephone 24 hours. That is just encouraging unhealthy writers who are already up all night

bashing away at the keys of a typewriter, scrumpling up balls of paper and throwing them over their shoulders and drinking whiskey and smoking cigarettes. Or bashing away at the hot metal of a sword. Could be, yes. Could either be. Yep, could be just smithing their own pen sword. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I think it's a respectable three, James, for naming.

Okay. All righty, all right. then. Let us proceed to Category the second. Category the second. The deuce. Supernatural. Extremely. Extremely supernatural.

Every one of them. There's no rational explanation for a disappearing, then reappearing 90s horse. Very impressive, yes. The coach, I like the way it's out of sync. The vicar who melted. The Melty Vickr. Reverend Melty, yes. I like the way the coach may sort of follow the track of the old roads.

That's very nice, very good. The beckoning lady specter. Yeah, she was terrifying, right? That got really annoyed. Yeah, she got angry. Oh, look a thunder up on her face. Yeah, very, very good, very, very supernatural. And Tom York, explain that with your science.

What's going on there? I mean, that is, yeah. There's just no rational explanation. I'm a skeptic, but I don't think so. I think it's five out of five. Yes. Just straightforward, proper, decent, home county's ghosts. Exactly. What more could you want?

Just some respectable middle-class commuter belt ghosts. What more could you want? Well, category the third. Oh, kindred spirit. Of course, James, because when you looked into the eyes of the beast, those were your own eyes. It was like looking in a beast mirror. Yeah, like looking into a hairy mirror. Like looking into a shadow mirror or shadow.

Because you and the beast are one and the same. Yes. It was, yeah, I didn't know where I ended. and the broad-shouldered Neanderthal type started? Does it worry you that you've been being sighted? Because most people are just seen, but you're sighted. Yeah, sightings. In sightings.

You've got to stop walking away and then looking back over your shoulder. We've discussed this before. Stop doing that, James. I could do it, that grumpy look. You're in the enemy. I'm filming me and the hairy bosoms. Yeah, it's worse than being spotted, isn't it? It's to be seen, to be spotted.

So that's a bit like sort of newspaper gossip column, spotted. Yeah, papped. Yeah. And then... You're not falling out of a taxi so much as clambering through people's gardens. Cited. Yeah, that's the worst. That's definitely the worst.

Yeah, the graphic for the YouTube thumbnail would be a grainy black and white photograph with a sort of a crosshairs reticule imposed upon it, like a target. Yeah. Shaghaft, sighted. Man beast exposed? question mark. Shake shaft sightings on the rise.

And then the news would have like a graph instead of the weather they'd have a graph with just your face in different areas showing where the sightings were. Like in Japan

they have the map for the cherry blossom, the Sakara map. As it travels down the country as it blossoms. It'd be that but blu-blu-blup

me looking over my shoulder. That face. Oh, yeah. So, yeah, Kindred's brilliant. Yeah. It's very good. I don't, I don't feel like I can give it five, though, because I don't, I don't want to completely destroy the mystery. I feel like if I give it five, that says, for a fact, it was you. Whereas I want to maintain a sense of the unknown. So I'm going to give it a four. Thank you very much. You're intentionally blurring the photo. Yeah, exactly. Just adding a little bit more mystery. Right. My last category, Alistair. And I think I, this is probably the greatest category. for the nature of our scoring section. Okay.

Because it needs to be a radio head theme. Wait a minute. I think you, have you worked out a way of getting five, James. I have, Alistair, because there's a radiohead song, which is called two plus two equals five. All right.

Yeah, you, you got, Karma police, arrest this man who's broken the scoring system. He's such a creep. Okay. Yeah, I mean, what can I do? What else could it be? You've basically stolen those points.

Bracketail to the thief. All right. It's five. Five. It's chilling, James. Very frightening. Good work. Yes. A little bit of radiohead may have crept into the edit there. There's probably some sidebars got cut out of that, which you can enjoy if you join us at Patreon.com forward slash. Lawmen pod. There's a little sneaky little peek in a little minute.

You'll hear a little sneaky peek of some of the stuff that was cut out. It might not make sense. But thank you very much to everyone who already does support us in that manner. And thank you very much to Lawrence for editing this. Buy tickets to my UK tour in 2026. It's called King of Crums. Is that a Radiohead reference, King of Crums, King of Limbs? Maybe it is.

I'm already kid A, because Alistair begins with an A. Okay, Alistair. But yeah, I was wrestling it because, as you heard, it's a bigan. Because it's seven foot tall and there's a man, you took that as a threat. You come at me. It's in my living room. He's always ready, James. He's always aware of where the exits are

and he's always aware if a Christmas tree is about to lunge at him. But it's the biggest Christmas tree we've ever had. I mean, it sounds too big, honestly. It is. It's too big for the base that we own. basically. So it needed some severe wrestling to get it to not fall over. You've had to drop the base. Big time. Wow. We've had to tweak the base.

Okay. If I want to get technical and think about jamming a log in to sort of keep it up a certain way. But you know what? It's fine for now. It sounds precarious. It feels precarious. I just hope we don't hear about large man crushed under Christmas tree. In Oxford region.