Loremen Podcast - Loremen S6Ep45 - The Hanborough Haunting

Episode Date: December 11, 2025

Long Hanborough? Home of the Oxford Bus Museum? Yes! THAT Long Hanborough. And once you've listened to this episode, you'll know it for more than being home to the Spice Girls' bus from Spice World (1997). You'll know it for containing a spooky cottage with a particularly busy poltergeist. ⁠⁠⁠⁠See Alasdair On Tour in 2026!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Join the LoreFolk at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠patreon.com/loremenpod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ko-fi.com/loremen⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Check the sweet, sweet merch here... ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.teepublic.com/stores/loremen-podcast?ref_id=24631⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ @loremenpod ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube.com/loremenpodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/loremenpod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.facebook.com/loremenpod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oh, hi there, listener. It's Alistair from Lawmen. I just wanted to let you know that tickets are on sale now for my 2026, 2026 tour of the UK. It's called King of Crumbs, and I'm bringing it to a town near you. If you live in Shrewsbury, Shrewsbury, or Shrewsbury, Portsmouth, Lester, Lestor, Pry, Portsmouth, Oxford, Oxford, Portsmouth, Oxford, Oxford, Liverpool, Barnard, Newcastle, Canterbury, Manchester, Cambridge, Swindon, Salisbury, Aldershot, or indeed, London Town, Old London. for King of Crumbs or go to abetckettking.com forward slash gigs. Welcome to Lawmen, podcast about local legends and obscure curiosities from Days of Yore. I'm James Shankshaft. I'm Alistair. And Alistair, we're going back to Oxfordshire. It's pretty darn spooky. And you're going to get some fun alleged history.

Alleged history is the last to kill. exciting kind. Oh, and a trip to a bus museum. Yes, it's the Hamburor hauntings. Ooh. Oh, all my books fell on the floor. That's a terrible omen, James. That's bad. I'm going to get them.

Starting with bookfall. He's taking his headphones off. He's thrust his upper body down to the floor. Now, this is James not in his element, head near the floor. He's probably experiencing a head rush. He's probably feeling a little dizzy and confused. Yes. You back, James.

Yeah, Alistair. that is me in my element. I'm a bit dizzy and confused. But Alistair, welcome back. This is stand an episode. Just giving it to you straight. I'm going back to the same book that I went to last week. I hope you don't mind.

But it is an absolute gem. It's Oxfordshire Ghosts by Joe Robinson. Oh, yes. You remember from 2000. Did I read the back of the book last time? I don't think you did. Well, because it tells us all that Joe Robinson did not believe in ghosts until he began researching this book.

Oh? Yeah. Now, like many of us, he is forced to accept that there is something out there, which we cannot account for in any other way. This book is a must for the dedicated researcher, the skeptic, the walker,

and the fireside ghost hunter. Yeah. Wow. The walker as well, just so be on your guard if you're walking in Oxfordshire. Now, fireside ghost hunter, is that a phrase like backseat driver?

Armchair detective. Your Monday quarterback. Or is it a specific type? Hold up a second, Joan. Is that a phrase, Monday quarterback? Did you just make that one up? No, I think it's an Americanism. Is it Monday quarterback?

What does it mean? I don't know. I just heard Americans say. Monday quarterbacking meaning, according to Miriam, our friend Miriam, friend of the show. Oh, Miriam Webster? It is a fan's usually critical rehashing of the weekend football game strategy. First known news, 1931. Oh, I've had decades and decades to learn the phrase Monday quarterbacking.

But yes, we're going back to Oxfordshire Goes by Joe Robinson and pull up your armchairs to the fireplace, ghost hunters. Which are for ghosts. Because we're going to Hanborough. It's where, Alistair, and I don't need to tell you this, it's where the Oxford Bus Museum is. Oh, home of the Oxford Bus Museum, of course. Yes. Discover over 130 years of Oxfordshire Transport. if it's Wednesday or Sunday between 10 and 4.

You've got to time it right. It's like solving a puzzle in mist. You've got to get everything lined up. Do you want to hear a review? Yes, please. Would I visit again? Yes, definitely. Something tells me there's an element of selection bias

in the people who review the Ox of the Chubus Museum. What do you think? I don't know if we're getting in every man's perspective. You don't think that Kevin Crisp is every man? He reviewed this in Chile. July 24. Well, Lisa Stansfield is every woman. Is Kevin Chris every man?

Yes, it's all in him. Anything you want done, baby. Do you know what, Alistair, I have actually been to that bus museum. What was your review, James, if you had to give it a school? Would I visit again? I have not yet to this day. Oh. Actually, you know what?

I think I did visit again. I have visited it again. I went once because I got stranded in the Cotswolds with a broken down car over Halloween. And I had a young child with me and it was one of the few things you could get to on a train on a Wednesday or a Sunday between 10 and 4. I thought like your car broke down and you went there in like a rain and thunderstorm knocking on the door of the Oxfordshire Bus Museum.

It was a bit like a Stephen King short story. There's 113 years of history here. Visitors not allowed on the Masters bus. more fuel has arrived for the buses. Ding ding ding ding. It used to have the blooming bus from Spice World the Spice Girls movie. Oh, that my favourite joke.

I think perhaps the only scene I've seen of that is when it jumps over a little thing and they cut to like a little toy bus doing a really rubbish stunt and then back to the bus. It's really funny. The big version of that bus was there. Full-size version that you can fit several Spice Girls on. Molto Spice Girls.

Molto Spice. I think I've described that scene from Spice World before on the podcast. Apologies if I'm repeating my favourite scenes in Le Cinema. But we're not going to the Oxford Bus Museum, Alistair. It is not between 10 and 4 on Wednesday or Sunday. We're going to Millwood End to a little cottage on Millwood End, which nestles in a row of five similar properties. This house, at the time we're talking about, it is home to Janet and,

and Gerald Webb. Oh, oh, some deliciously 1970s names. Yes, the Webb's. And they bought it off, someone in the 70s. Probably Cyril and Barbara Thompson. No, they bought it off, Norman Shelley. Brilliant, old and guy name. Listener, I know we've talked a lot about buses,

and we're about to talk about Norman Shelley for a little bit. There is some very spooky stuff coming up. Do not worry. There's some real polter guys, and there's one particular very haunting image. Okay, so don't worry, but would just allow me this brief Norman Shelley sidebar. Let him have a sidebar, listener. It's well worth it.

Do you know who Norman Shelley was? No. He was an actor, and he was absolutely convinced that the cottage was haunted. As Joe Robinson says, Norman Shelley had made no secret of the fact that the cottage was haunted when selling to Gerald and Janet Webb. On the contrary, he had emphasised the presence of a ghost when concluding the deal.

Wow. Yeah. Oh, so, yes, I'm looking at the picture of this guy. So he was Gandalf and Tom Bombadil in the radio adaptation of Lord of the Rings in the 50s. Ah. I think that's quite well thought of. He was also one of the Winnie's the Pooh.

He was one of the Winnie's Pooh. He was a Doctor's Watson. He has a section on his Wikipedia page called Churchill impersonation. Yes, and that is the bit I wanted to talk about because it is long claimed that some of Churchill's speeches were actually done

by Norman Shelley. By the Shelster? By the Shellster. What? By the Shell-like. Yes. He could do an excellent impersonation of Churchill, as it says,

on the Wikipedia, one of his party pieces apparently often requested was for everyone to close their eyes whilst he impersonated Churchill. And on these occasions, according to an eyewitness, it was impossible to tell the difference.

Now, I think it would have been possible because I think, I know there have been some re-evaluations of Churchill's legacy, but I think if he were to come into a room, there would be a kerfuffle. You would know. Yeah, you'd know. You definitely would know.

If actual Churchill had walked in. But apparently this guy could do an amazing impersonation, and during the war, he was supposed to have done at least three of Churchill's big speeches, including the fighting them on the beaches. They go fight them on the beaches. Why didn't he just enunciate a bit more? Sorry, Alice, do I have my eyes closed there?

Did the actor Norman Shelley just walk in the room? Delicious honey. Lovely jar of delicious honey. Now, shalt not part. A wiser of my eyes, exactly when he intends to arrive. Not a moment earlier. Not a moment later. According to The Guardian,

From October, actually the observer, sorry, October the 29th 2000, there was an article that says that a 78 RPM record was discovered, which was marked BBC Churchill's speech, artist Norman Shelley. Oh. Stam September 7th, 1942, which is supposed to have included that we shall fight them on the beaches. Yes. And their finest hour speech. That's like the rumours of the rude version of rainbow, where they all say swear words. Yes I shall fight them

on the bitches That's my That's my impression Zippy You'll fight them on the beaches That's George I'll fight them on the

beaches That's a much better Zippy than my Zippy Well done Yeah And what was What was another

It was another Churchill one He really only Has one banger That's the thing He's only got one thing That you can

still say these days Thanks to cancel Culture Otherwise they'll Throw you in check We shall fight them on the beaches. That's George.

That's my name to be Jewish. And no one can do bungle because mungle just talks like a normal man. Yeah, well, three different normal men. In a suit at the same time, outrageous. Yeah, they're children. Stacked up. There were three different bungals.

Okay, in 1990, and there was an American speech research group called Sensimetrics, which is a cool name. Not at all suspicious as a name. That sounds good. And they tested, 20 of these speeches that were sold under Churchill's name

because there are these recordings out there and they found that the speech patterns on three of the recordings were not consistent with Churchill's general speech patterns and they were the Dunkirk speech, the Finest Hour speech and the blood, toil, tears and sweat speech. That's the one by the Red Hot Chili Peppers, right? Yes. Yes. Dream of californication.

Give it away. Give it away now. We both chose a different Chili Pepper song to do. But it was essentially the same joke. Underneath the bridge. Ask not what is underneath the bridge. There is a slight incanticity

because that record is dated the 7th of September 1942 and a speech was apparently made in May. So, no, June. It might just be a call. was the fourth of June. Well, here's the other thing that totally muddies the water.

Churchill re-recorded a bunch of his speeches. Like George Lucas. We went back and redid them with new technology the way he had always envisioned them. McClunky. Yeah, he re-recorded him again and a further muddying of the water according to some reports.

He recorded him whilst lying in bed. What? He does sound like him. He was lying down. We were talking. It's just chucking out these 1950s covers of his own stuff. Like, get some new material Winston. Stand up, Churchill.

At least if you're going to just cash in on your old material, at least give it some gustav. If you're going to play the hits, stand up to do it. Do them like they were recorded like we remember them. I regret buying Churchill unplugged. It was his MTV unplugged album was. Just an acoustic set of. Churchill's hits no. I am now segue in doing a bit

from an old show where I have Churchill doing the best of Queen. Oh, that's nice. We are champions, my friends. We'll keep on fighting to the end. No time for losers. That works. Anyway, you see how it goes.

Did you have any opinions about Big Bottom girls? I did. I did do that. I like... No, that's... That's the mix a lot. I cannot lie. I like Big Bottom.

And I can't lie. It really, really, it works for any song. It really does. And as we found, all the Red Hot Chili Pepper songs that we know. Anyway, so, yeah, thanks for allowing me to have that Norman Shelley sidebar. I think it was worth it right. Oh, yes, a meaty sidebar. But it is broadly thought that he did do some of the speeches because Churchill was

kind of busy. Not lazy. Perhaps it was unfair to characterize Churchill. as a sort of lazy slug-like creature. So that's that. Back to the ghosts. Back to the ghosts, please. Or should we get to the ghosts?

So Norman Shelley was convinced there was a ghost in this house, and he sold it to Gerald and Janet Webb being totally up front about it. Gerald, very sceptical. Janet, quite sceptical. And the first hint of what was to come was Gerald was trying to remove a mix of plaster and concrete from one of the walls, because this place had been done up. So it was all Cotswold, Stony,

cottage, but they'd plastered it quite heavily. Yeah, in the 60s and 70s. But you want to get it back to the stone. Yeah, you do, you do. So he was trying to get this plaster and concrete mix off, and he was having some real trouble. It says every effort to remove the mix failed

dismally, and he got so annoyed and he said he was going to knock the whole damned wall down. And then he walked into the kitchen to drink a cup of tea, because you need a cup of tea if you're going to knock a wall down. He had simply two sips and went back into the room, and before his very eyes, the plaster and concrete mix crumbled and fell from the wall.

So they kind of worked out. This ghost did not like change in the house, but in this case, was willing to settle for the lesser of two evils, which is no concrete on the wall as opposed to no wall. Yeah. That's quite a handy ghost, actually. Quite helpful. Yeah, you feel like you could game it, don't you like, be like, oh, I'd knock, I'll burn this place. to the ground if someone didn't do the washing up.

Yeah, exactly. I'm going to set fire to that rug if I don't get a Nintendo Switch. Can it goes to that? Now I'm going to have a cup of tea. I'm going to turn my back and have a cup of tea. A couple of sips of my tea. So they did start to notice a presence. Not a particularly frightening one,

but there was definitely something there would be a change in temperature, a passing shadow. The sense of being brushed as though by a spider's web. And it says clearly far too many incidents for them to be regarded as accidental. or within the normal range of unexplained events.

Sounds to me like it's a normal range of unexplained events in an old Cotswold cottage. I've heard more unexplained events than these. Well, there's this one. So they've got a big old fireplace. You know, like, have you seen in a Cotswold cottage kind of out from the wall? It's got a bit where you can pile up the wood on the side

and then you've got a big fire in the middle. There's like a little nut to the side where people might have sat in the past and sort of kept themselves warm. And whilst Janet was reading, she just glanced up to the door of the kitchen and out of the corner of her eye, she caught the edge of the fireplace. And in that little gap between the fire and the sort of ingle-nooky wall was a little old lady. Sat by the fire. And obviously Janet was quite shocked.

She realised that this wasn't, it wasn't a shadow. It wasn't smoke from the fire. it was a little old lady sat next to her fireplace. And Janet describes that it felt that she had as much right to be there as I had. And it lasted for about three minutes. And Janet was just frozen in her seat too gobsmacked to do anything. She finally called out to Gerald. Gerald?

But by the time he arrived, the figure had disappeared. Gerald? What is it, Janet? Well, he came back and said, you've been seeing things. There's no such thing as ghosts. Janet used a little little thing. Stay off the drink. Classic man and a ghost story there.

Don't be foolish, Janet. Your mind is erdled with those books you read. However, there was another incident. An incident called the brass incident. Actually, specifically called the mysterious brass incident. Oh. So, in the house they had brasses. You know, like horse brasses?

I'm not really sure what their meaning is, but they sort of look like a horse's medals. Yeah, yeah. Are there the things, the sort of the buckles for what you would, the harnesses you would put on a horse? I don't know if they have any practical. The leather straps. Use. Yeah, there's like a leather with a bit of brass on top of them.

You'll find them, you'll find them on the walls of houses in the 80s and 90s. Yeah, we're not equine fellows, James and I, we don't really know about your horses. But yes, I've heard that horses have brasses and that they're called horse brasses. Well, Janet had a collection of these. They were much loved, highly prized. they were taken down from the walls regularly cleaned, with a bitter brass-o. And this was Gerald's job. So he removed all ten brasses from the wall and proceeded to clean and polish them.

And he didn't pause or stop. He was just getting on with the job. As he finished the brass, he'd hand it to Janet to put back on the wall. Where's the owl? asked Janet. It's missing. No, it's not. Gerald replied.

They're all there. It's missing. It's my favourite, and it's got to be found. Does Gerald also sound like Winston Churchill? just fragility. Maybe there's something in the air

in the house, yeah. Small world or something. Yeah. They not moved anywhere. They're not done anything else. Then stopped

gone to have two sips of a cup of tea and come back. But the owl had gone. They turned the house upside down. The owl could not be found.

Three months later of this brass, missing brass owl torment and Janet has a bingo win. There's finally.

There's a break in the cloud of their life. Yep. No, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you know what she's going to do with that bingo cash? I don't know. Spend it on more brasses? Yes, she's going to buy a new owl brass. And she tells Gerald this.

She goes to the kitchen to put on her coat to go into town to go and do this. She walks through the lounge. Gerald's not gone anywhere. He's in the kitchen pottering. Probably making a cup of tea. Probably. Knowing him, if I know Gerald, she looked in the fireplace at the very spot where she'd seen that little old lady

and there highly polished and looking as good as new lay her owl the mysterious owl brass event great let's work on the name but yes very good other things happened some relatives visited and they were both very skeptical and said there were no such thing as ghosts but they were forced to change their minds when a light bulb shattered for no reason and the door of the grandmother clock sprang open Oh well don't

Hold on I mean light bulbs shatter Well That's just a thing Old-fashioned light bulbs bulbs young people The young people probably don't even know

But old-fashioned Incandescent light bulbs would just explode sometimes They pop You rarely get a reason It may be a surge A surge yeah Or any Frenchman could be responsible

It could be any Some sort of French electricity has got in there. And yeah, our English electricity doesn't work, so there's a natural clash there. It blew elbows its way through. It doesn't cue up.

No, rude. A good honest English electricity. Very rude. Mm, Serge. Yeah, well, some doors opened and shut of their own accord. Footsteps were heard in the night. But Gerald,

he's still skeptical until the early hours of a Friday morning, and he awakes with a start in his bed and he sees a little old lady moved down the side of the bedroom and take up a position at the bottom of the bed where she sits gazing out of the window with her head in her hands looking at the garden. So he's now like, yeah, all right, fair play, Janet. That was the little jibe about the booze. That was a bit much. I'm sorry. Yeah, I think he should

apologize to his wife, but it'd been in the 70s. I don't hold that much hope, frankly. He at the very least would have gone, I imagine. Yeah, yeah. That would be the least. That's a damned thing, damned thing I said. Damned, damn thing.

So, so far so everything. No. That's a, it's not so far so everything. That's a cool new way of speaking that I've invented. No. So far so everything. No.

A lot of you listening might be thinking, so far so everything. But no. But no. No, you'd be wrong. If you were thinking that, no. As Churchill said, so far, so everything. No.

No. No. Joe went to visit Gerald and Janet. Joe Robinson, the author of this book. Oh, yeah. Oxfordshire Ghosts, just as a reminder, published by Warncliffe Books, an imprint of pen and sword books limited. He visited Gerald and Janet, together with Terry, his photographer,

to take shots of the interior of the house. We're going to have a little, just pop a little pin in those photographs, actually, so we're going to come back to them. It was a beautiful day, brilliant sunshine, Terry, who, for some reason, Terry didn't know why they were going to take pictures of this cottage. That's very scientific, actually, keeping Terry in the dark. But he'd been voicing his opinion regarding the supernatural. And, as Joe says, Terry's opinion was much the same as the majority of other folks,

skeptical, but willing to be convinced. As they entered the cottage door, he whispered, I can't believe that anything or anyone would want to haunt or disturb a place so lovingly and painstakingly restored, which is an odd turn of phrase, Terry. And I'm the person that just said so far so everything, no. I guess that's just how Terry talks. Janet overheard this,

and she said that the old lady was quite harmless and even fun, but as long as she knew that there were going to be changed. is made around the place. Kind of sounds to me like Terry did know why they were there, but okay, carry on. Yeah, it does, doesn't it? Terry says that he hoped the old lady had been told what was happening that day, and it swiftly became apparent that Janet had forgotten to inform the old lady. Janet!

They did. Janet, did you forget to inform the old lady? Is that an old lady voice, Alistair? No. Alisa, you've lost your touch. That's a terrible little old lady. I'm scolding Janet in the character of her husband, Derek, or whatever. Oh, this Gerald.

Gerald. Gerald. They did a little photo shoot and they're all set in the sitting room and the unmistakable sound of breaking China came from a room adjacent. Oh.

It took approximately four seconds from all to rush into the room and they saw on the ground broken, shattered one of three expensive porcelain mushrooms. The middle mushroom. Oh no.

The most precious mushroom of all. Yeah, it really ruins the set. You could pretend it was a pair, but there's two greater difference between the small and the large mushrooms. And no human hand could possibly cause the ornament to smash because it's four feet away from their shelf. So it's not just fallen off.

There was no one in there. No breeze could have blown it four feet. Someone has whipped that mushroom off in a fit of vengeance. Terry, he's now a lot less skeptical regarding the supernatural. and Janet, together with Gerald, never failed to have a word with their old lady whenever change is envisaged or visitors expected. Yeah, that's a good lesson for life.

Always have a word with your old lady. Now, they took some pictures. I'm hoping there's just a ghost standing next to them in these pictures as a climax. There's this one here, which is the fireplace where Janet first saw the ghost of the old lady. Your classic fireplace. A lovely little no ghost in this picture. Look, no ghost. Here, it shows you that ringed is the broken mushroom, which sounds, I don't know, that sounds like an incantation in itself.

Ringed. Yeah, it does sound sinister. But again, it's not actually a photograph of a ghost, as I was hoping. No, but then here, the mystery deepens because this picture is of a piece of stone, which looks basically blank to me. Yes, yeah. But it's like some stuff's been cut out of the story because the caption for the photo says stone set in the wall of the haunted cottage

the inscription is indecipherable. Oh, it looks completely blank to me. No one's mentioned inscription in the story either. And then this one here of the corner of the room with a very comfy looking leather chair, a Chesterfield type. The caption says, Corner where Old Lady climbs no longer existing stairs.

Ooh, we didn't hear about that. We didn't hear about that. That's not in the story. But that is a terrifying image. So, yeah. Lots of lessons from that story. Have a word with your old lady. Yes.

Keep your inscriptions. Decipherable, people. Yes. Come on. Yes, if you're going to do an inscription, make it decipherable. Why bother inscribing if you're not going to make it decipherable? Other things we've learned. so far so everything

so far so everything no yes and and stuff about Winston Churchill some of that stuff about Winston Churchill that we didn't cut psychic spies from China vangesty in my mind elation

that's not gonna make any sense if you edit that out is it ever had a little chili pepper song that's lyrics from Californication is it I never knew there are actual lyrics yeah I don't know why the why the Chinese are getting it in the neck

in that song for no reason so there you have it that is the tale of the Hamburor hauntings. Very fine, with only a small detour around a bus museum and into Winston Churchill conspiracy theory.

Norman Shelley died in 1980, so there is no chance that he was the voice of the Churchill Bulldog from the Churchill car insurance adverts. Wait, are you telling me these are all, now I have to know three different people

who I assume we're all the same? Yes, the multiverse of Churchill's. So you're ready to score? Yes, I am. This tale of terror? Well, not so much terror as domestic inconvenience. What is your first category for me, James? Names.

Names, I enjoyed the prosaic 1970s names. Janet, Gerald, Norman, Cyril, Terry, Dennis, Barbara. Also, in the, in the book, this, in the book, this, This section of the book, the Hambra hauntings, as a subtitle, Mary of Millwood End. She's never named in the book, in the story. Mary of Millwood End, hmm? Well, there you go.

Yeah. Millwood End is quite a good name. Millwood End, yes. It's got a nice cadence to it. The mysterious owlbrass incident. Yeah, that's terrible. That's just a really bad name. No, I think it's a two for names.

They're not bad names, but it's a little thin on names. And I'll be honest, the mysterious owl brass incident is really counting against everything else. Is that not actually taking points off? I think it would have been three without that. Damn it. The next category, category the second, is supernatural. Right. Yeah, I mean, not very scary, but definitely supernatural, definitely poltergeist behavior.

Just catching a little old lady at the corner of you. eye. Yeah, good pottergeist, good apparition. Little old lady, the walls sort of crumbling. That's quite good, quite good special effects. When he goes and has a cup, two sips, two sips. He only had two sips. He comes back and the walls crumbled. Oh, I was imagining it crumbled before his eyes, but no, I guess it crumbled while he was having those two sips. But still, that's hard to explain. No, he did come back and it crumbled. He crumbled before his very eyes? Before his very eyes. His very eyes? Okay. Oh, ever so very.

Unfortunately, I don't think the Bus Museum is technically supernatural, even though it's obviously eerie. Would I go there again from beyond the grave? Would you, James? Yes. Yeah. Forever. Yeah, along with whatever the other guy's name was, Cessel Crisps. Kevin Crisp.

Wait a minute. Can I retroactively get another point in naming? For Kevin Crisp. You know what, James, you can. Yes. Yes. Yeah. It's now three out of five for names because of Kevin of the,

of the clan crisp. Okay, so what did I end up with? Supernatural, I think it's four. I think it was just a bit scary. You might have pushed it up to five. But that is a pretty haunted cottage. It's not bad. Next category.

Yeah. We shall fight them on the Venice beaches. Because Venice Beach in Los Angeles is in California. Yes. And it was just, there was a real big, it's like the real version but it's not quite right and there's a lot of that in the story because it's Churchill he's re-recording his own things

Venice Beach is like a pastiche of Venice is it? No, not even that, it's a sea, it's a beach. I don't think it's a pastiche of Venice because it's very bad. They've done a terrible job. There's just one bit of water. That's rubbish. That's the opposite of Venice. And it's a lot wider than a canal because it's the Pacific Ocean. Yeah, and obviously, California, that connects to the red hot chili peppers.

So you've really tied things together. And also, it's almost right, but it's not like the Churchill re-recording of the speeches. The Norman Shelley's alleged impersonations of Churchill. The picture's in the story. There's no mention of an inscription. Yes. I've read it like five times, like, have I missed something here? there's no mention of the lady walking upstairs that are no longer there no it's all it's just it's like a weird fever dream you're right yep well i have no choice

but uh you already did give it away i'm going to give away five points yes yes what i've got you've got to get and it is the score now yes wonderful five points all thank you very much we will fight them on the venice beaches And my final category, so far so everything, no. So that's so far, so everything, full stop. No. No? Question mark? Yeah.

It's sort of like a faded question mark. Or is it so far so everything? Question mark. No, full stop. Probably the second one. So far, so everything? No. No.

Yeah, that's it. That's how I said it. It's how I meant it. Okay. And I'm going to just try and pin you down here, James. What does that mean? We don't know. We don't know what it means.

We don't really know what it means. So it's a mystery. All right. Well, I'm inclined to give you a one for that. Would that be so far so everything? No. Okay, five. That's an exclamation.

Yes. Okay. That's correct. I don't know what happened. I'm really confused. No, me neither. But so far so everything? Yes.

It's the end. of the episode. That was a good and scary story. I think you'll find with some fun facts about Winston Churchill. Well, some fun quasi-facts. I think it is a fact that he did re-record the stuff. Whether or not he did it in bed.

You decide. I cannot remember where I read that, but I did read it somewhere. So I'm guessing there will have been some riffs cut out of that, and you can find them in a bonus episode at patreon.com forward slash lawmen pod where if you join us join us. You will also get to join the law folk discord where you can meet and chat to like-minded law folk.

It is a jolly place. Thank you very much to everyone who already supports us through that method. And thank you very much, Alistair, for joining me on that terribly haunting trip. And thank you, James, for really trying to ring some fear out of a broken ornament. The ringed mushroom incident. But so, far so everything. No. Yes. Oh yeah. Yes, it is. It's the end of the episode now.

Should we, shall I say yes at the same time as you for the edit? Yes. Okay. Oh, hi there, listener. It's Alistair from Lawmen. I just wanted to let you know that tickets are on sale now for my 2026, 2026 tour of the UK. It's called King of Crumbs and I'm bringing it to a town near you. If you live in Shrewsbury or Shrewsbury, Lester, Brighton, Portsmouth, Oxford, Cardiff, Exeter, Taunton, Plymouth, Bristol, Coventry, Glasgow, Belfast, Liverpool, Barnard, Newcastle, Canterbury, Sherfield, Chelmsford, Birmingham, Maidston, Norwich, Leeds, Manchester, Cambridge, Swindon, Salisbury, Aldershot, or indeed, London Town, old London, search for King of Crumbs, or go to Abeckettking.com forward slash gigs.