Loremen Podcast - Loremen S7Ep16 - Flix, the Conser Lake Beast

Episode Date: May 7, 2026

The Loreboys venture back to the Pacific North West for a gander at the 9 foot tall monster that terrorised a small town in 1960. "Is it a white ape? Is it an alien? Does it come in peace?" These are the questions the townsfolk asked, immediately before hunting it with guns. Lots of guns. Come see us in Oxford on the 1st July 2026⁠ Join the LoreFolk at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠patreon.com/loremenpod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ko-fi.com/loremen⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Check the sweet, sweet merch here... ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.teepublic.com/stores/loremen-podcast?ref_id=24631⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ @loremenpod ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube.com/loremenpodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/loremenpod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.facebook.com/loremenpod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Welcome to Lawmen, a podcast about local legends and obscure curiosities from Days of York. I'm James Shakeshaft. I'm Alastair Beckett King. And we've got a story from the Pacific Northwest. Of America. Of America. Oh, yeah. And Alistair, it's a big old cryptid.

Oh, no, I mean, good. Yes. It's the Consulake Monster. Well, James, I've just got back from a little holiday. Oh, nice. Inspired by your trip to Lime Regis, I think, last year. Yes. And then you told us about the Black Dog of Lime Regis. Yes.

And we went to Lime Regis to look at fossils. Not black dogs, good. No, no, we didn't get haunted. We did go to the site of Mary Anning's house, i.e. the Lime Regis Museum. Yes. And Dinosaurland. A name which doesn't chime at all with

the building. Have you been, did you go to Dinosaurland? Yeah, we did. It's great, but it's a very, it's a very straight up and down museum and the name Dinosaur land really makes you think you're going to go on a ride. Yes, but it's just a big house. And I think the guy that invented it was also running the door. Absolutely. And all of the, I've never been to a museum like this where all the pieces of information are written in first person as the guy. Yes. Did you notice that? They're all things like I collected this or in my opinion. I've never, I've been in a museum where the piece of information says, in my opinion. Yes.

It's great. Yeah. And we found some ammonites. Well, I didn't. But my lover and confidant found some, I would say, quite crap ammonites. I hope she didn't go too near the crumbling cliffs. We stayed sensibly clear of the falling cliffs. Thanks.

But then we, from a shop for five pounds, bought a quite crap, but significantly better ammonite. Good, good. From the shop. That's the way. Got one from Lime Ridgeers and we got one from Yorkshire. And then we had a good old bit of fun doing impressions of a Yorkshire ammonite. I've been like, oh no, a landslide. Oh, no, I've turned to stone.

Oh, my soft tissues. I'm calcifying. Water dripping through me or something. So, yeah, Yorkshire fossil. Good time. Why would you want to be fossilized in London? How old? How old, am I? It's a blummy rip-off.

Coprolite. Corporate bleep, more like. This is sort of a double pun because, is it corporalite or coprolite? Coprolite, I think. It's one of the words where I'd start. I read the beginning and the end, guess at the middle. You got very close, very close. If listeners can hear building works behind me, I will pass on the builders' apologies,

but they're building. That's what they do. Got to let them build, James. Got to let them build. It's in them. It's got to get out. Against the backdrop, potential backdrop of hammering and soaring and whatnot, do you want a nice new story?

Yes, please. I think that's quite good, you know, because the two, you know, they're working, building things. And in our way, as podcasters, we're also laboring. Yes. Definitely. In an equally useful and masculine way. Yes.

I remember, I think Chortle did describe some of my jokes as very labored. So this comes from a new book, a new to me book, which was given by listener, Full Mellow Bird. Thank you very much, Full Mellow Bird. Thank you very much. They've kindly given us Monsters of the Pacific Northwest by Jessica Freeberg and Natalie Fowler. So we know the PNW, don't we? Because that's the spooky part of America where spooky things happen. And all the podcasts are said.

Whoa, this is well new. It came up last year. Oh, this is the newest yet. So I've been doing a little bit of flicking through the book. And ironically, not ironically, serendipitously, the monster I want to talk about is called flicks. Oh. Yeah. Flix, as in net.

Yeah, FLI-X. Oh. As in net or that's the only one, isn't it? Yep, that's the main one. So this is the Consulate monster. in Millersburg, Oregon. And this dates back to 1959. I did find some more source for this,

which was Oregon Bigfoot.com. Drizzle that Oregon source onto the story, then, James. I'm actually going to sprinkle oregano all over it. Oregono. Oregano? Oregano. Oh, no.

Wait a minute. He's not spelled the same oregano and Oregon, is it? No, not exactly the same. I mean, obviously, one's not a in the end. For the first part, they are quite similar. Oh, it is the same. So they call, what do they call it? Oregano.

Oregono, but they don't call it Aragon. Well, come on America. Come on America. Come on America. This is the worst thing you've ever done. We both did the same joke at the same time. We did, but at different levels. I built in a get-out clause in mine.

Yeah, yeah, that's true. So anyway, Millersburg, Oregon. Oregon, Consa Lake. Now, Alastair. Concer Lake, C-O-N-S-E-R, Lake. Don't look for it. Don't Google it. No.

It's not there anymore. They failed to conserve Conser Lake. Yeah. Wow. They're not even sure that some people are not even sure it ever existed at all. Wow. But in the Conser Lake. I can't believe the lake turned to dust.

Somehow it did. And recently as well, not in Dust Bowl America Times, because this tale originally, originates. Originates. Originates. Oh, dear, Alistair. Originates.

In 1959. So that's after the Dust Bowl era. That's well post-dust bowl. Yeah. That's when they started making bowls out of, like, you know, China and other things. Yep. So a man was driving his truck. And it says here, filled with a hall of mint, which must have smelled delicious.

A truck full of mint. How refreshing. That's lovely. I didn't notice that detail when I first read this story. Yeah, it was filled with a hall of mint. Imagine that, a big like hay bale, but it's mint. Mmm. Oh, delicious. Anyway, he was driving through Millersburg, and as he cruised past Consa Lake, again, so we don't know where it is, but we're guessing it's near a road. He was thinking about something that had happened recently that the locals had been talking about. And that thing that had happened recently was a flying saucer crashed into that lake.

Okay, so a flying saucer crashed into the lake that doesn't exist. That we can't find now. Right, okay. Some of the theories about Consa Lake is there was a guy called Consa and he had a river that run through his land and it would occasionally sort of flood this little bit. Right, okay. And that's what people called Conser Lake. I see. Are lakes the kind of thing people lose a lot?

I guess if it was a field that just like kept flooding and it's more of a pond than a lake, because I must say, and I'm going to have another pop at America now, I know. Okay, all right, here it comes. Their threshold for calling something a city is quite low. Yeah. A lot of their cities are like, possibly if you look at the population size of some big towns. Really? Yeah, they're not that big their cities.

But they just call them a city. Because they don't have the old cathedral rule. The old cathedral rule. Yeah. No, so anywhere can be a city. So is America actually just a very small country and they're just exaggerating? Yeah, like the way that American ton was actually smaller

and the American billion was actually smaller. So, yeah, this guy's thinking about what people have been talking about, which was a flying saucer having crashed into this lake. Naturally. And as he does that, he just glances up into the rearview mirror and you'll never guess what he saw. Won't I? Pegging it along this road behind him,

running at full pelt was a large white ape-like creature, about nine feet tall, just proper like Terminator 2 running along behind him. Yeah, wow. And this guy's going like 35 miles an hour, and it's catching up with him, and then it's running alongside him peeking in the window. Now it's sounding cheeky.

Like, you know, like when a dog makes eye contact with you from another car, Dogs. The dog doesn't really know what's going on. There's sort of insouciance to it. I don't think I've ever made eye contact with a dog. Well, you'd be driving, James. You shouldn't be making eye contact with a dog while driving. Yeah, unless it's coming the other way.

Why are you driving? Yeah, just give him a little nod to let him know. Give him a wave to imply that I'm also a dog. That'll confuse him. That'll confuse that dog that's driving. It's got a little bone-shaped air freshener, probably. hanging from the mirror. But no, as a kid, you'd look into the window of a parallel car

and they see a dog in the back seat or a dog in the boot. And is it a bit? That's the, what do Americans call it? The trunk? What do they call it on a hatchback? You wouldn't see a dog in a trunk. You couldn't put a dog in a trunk unless you were the mafia, like the dog mafia. Try to intimidate other dogs.

Yeah, a cat might put a dog in the trunk. Yeah, and you'd see a dog. and you give them a little, all right. This feels like it's got that sort of Flintstones interaction vibe. Yeah. It's a living kind of thing. I like that about the Flintstones. You get one joke and just do that in every episode.

Yeah. We never do that. But let's go back to talking about hyperbole. Yeah, anyway, he picked up speed, drove away, and this was the first reported citing of what will later be known as Flit. and 1996 is when the writer of Oregon Bigfoot.com did actually manage to find Consulate and visit it. Oh, so even though it's lost, someone found it? Well, yeah, but I don't know, because I mean, this was, at the time of recording, 30 years ago, and nowadays, everyone says they don't.

Wow, they had websites 30 years ago. It looks like it. It's all in, it's all in Currie and you. It's all in cuneiform. Well, obviously, we can't doubt the writer of Oregon Bigfoot. foot.com. No. But they evidently haven't been pushed for a location because everyone else is like,

we don't know where it is. It must have dried up and turned to dust. It simply must be dust now. Don't look for it. It's fallen into not being there anymore, this lake. There are some great business names in this area. I'm just looking on the map. Oh, yeah.

I think Secure arise insurance agency is the one I like best. Secure arise. Secure arise. It's just such a terrible word, secure arise. It sounds like you've gone over a speed bump while. walking, secure a rise. Or you are a dog in the back of a car. Chirrur-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-hr-h-ha-ha-ha.

The atomic Veterans Highway. Cool. That is incredibly cool, the atomic Veterans Highway. This sounds like laser eye surgery all over again. Wow. I want to get me some of them. Love's Travel Stop. I don't know what that is. Is that a telegram?

It's a, it's a shop, it's a motorway services. Oh, is it like the one. on the M1, you're not a driver you wouldn't know. No, I don't know. There's certain bits of, it seems to be the M1. Jose's maintenance and lawn care. That isn't funny, that's just a good name for a business. Assuming you're called Jose.

There are bits of the M1 where you can, in one services, get a tattoo and all your pornographical needs for the quarter. Wow, fantastic. Oh, wait, yeah, no, I think I've, I think of, yeah, I think of, yeah, I think. think I've been there. I've been by coincidence. Of all of the traffic stops, I've been to that one. Yeah, some little chefs get turned into Starbucks, and some of them, yeah, turned blue.

I can find one lake in the area, but it's got no name on it. Well, then maybe that's it. But back in July 1960, the leg was a lot easier to find, and it was where teens would hang out. And in fact, because of the story of the flying saucers, teens would often go up to this place, often at night, because it was kind of a creepy story place. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. They at that point didn't have Netflix. No, no, they didn't.

For all their creepy story names. They just had dubies, I assume, and rock and roll music. In 1960? Yeah, probably. A group of kids now, on the website, Oregonbigfoot.com, I've got a list of names. None of those names appear to tally up with the names that have been given in Monsters of the Pacific Northwest.

but I'm pretty sure it's the same event. So we just have to guess who's who. So I've got Jim Westby, 16, Marilyn Simard, 15, Danny Everett, 17, Ted Swarm, 16, Bob Swarm, 19. A swarm are swarms. A pair of swarms. George Herb, I've written that wrong. I don't know what his surname is, actually. I can't be my own handwriting, but they're 16.

And Dick Mars, 18. That's fine. Good name. Dick Mars. That's a fine name in 1960. No, great, strong, good strong name, Dick Mars. But according to Montas of the Pacific North West, there's two kids are called Frankie and Sam. Hmm. It's possible one account used in enormous names without saying it,

because that does happen. What, given their names and ages. Whoops. Anyway, two of those people decide to play a prank on their friends by going and hiding in the bushes, and they're going to go make some noise, freak their friends out. It's the day before Netflix.

So they snuck away. Frankie and Sam will call them and hid. Oh, sorry, I've just found Concer Road. Well, that'll be the farm, the farm, because it was owned a farm owned by a guy called Summit Concert. Okay. So we're in the area. It's long Concer Road.

Ah, that's what they were first seen, pegging it up. Anyway, these two kids, pranksters, are getting ready to do their prank. And suddenly they hear a strange noise that was really loud and really weird. And Frankie's like, what was that? And Sam's like... You're not going to do an impression of what you think that might have sounded like.

Well, I'm good... Fip, whip, whip, whip, whee, fip. Sounds a bit like a modern car alarm. That is very weird. Is that what it said it sounded like? I'll, we'll get to that. But before they describe what it sounded like, they see a nine-foot-tall creature move out of the shadows and start pegging it towards them.

No, it's the same guy from before. And they're hearing like a flappy, fwap, fwap noise as its feet slap on the ground. They run away, but the beast is following them. They manage to hide, and as it goes past them, they hear, flip, flip, flip. It's in italics. And that's how you pronounce italics, as far as I know. A terrifying sound.

Yeah. And they managed to peek at it, and they're whispering to each other, what is it? What is it? It looks like a big white bear running on two legs. And Frankie says,

it's more like a giant white gorilla. And this conversation is repeated in monsters of the Pacific Northwest. They seem quite chilled out, considering they've just seen some sort of nine foot tall Fweep, weep, weep. Monster.

How does he get the name Flicks of the back of that noise. I would call him FIPP. It's not called that at this point. It is unnamed. So they go back and they report it to the sheriff, George Miller, who is no,

Alistair, is not the director of Babe 2 Pig in the City. Isn't it? I think he's been the writer. Didn't he write, or did he just write, anyway, we've done this before.

He wrote the first one. He directed Babe 2 Pig in the City. Of course. I shouldn't know you've checked. A couple of other films set in his native Australia, you won't have heard of. Fine.

Babe is also filmed in Australia, but anyway. Was it? Have we not talked about this? I didn't know Babe was filmed in Australia. Yeah, and they're all Australian actors, apart from the main guy, being dubbed into American accents. Well, they're pigs, Alistair.

The humans characters, though. They're all dogs. And they're not the dogs that you saw on back seats of cars. I mean, the human actors, all were all Australian, and they've been dung to have American accents. Well, even in Babe 2. pick in the city? Well, I don't know what city he goes to. I haven't seen babe too pig in the city, I'm afraid. It's weird. You know what? The person that directed that might have been the sheriff

of a small town where they had a monster that we've. Pweep, weep, weep, bleep, bleep, maybe. But yeah, so they reported it's Sheriff George Miller, who I also realize he's living in Millersburg. And he's the sheriff, maybe that's just the by birthright. Yeah. He just had to be. But you can see Miller for Millersburg. You can see because they're elected, aren't they, in America sometimes? Oh, and it just works that way. Yes. Rights itself.

So, yes, Sheriff George Miller, again, presumably not the director of Babe Two Pig in the city, wanted to find out what was going on. So he took out a small crew, again, presumably not a camera crew to investigate. Probably just a rag-tag bunch of misfits, I would imagine. Probably, yeah. One of which is a orangutan in a bellboy out. fit. Yeah, absolutely.

And a dog in the back of the car who makes wives cracks. And raises its eyebrows at chasing Fee-P-P-P-P-Monsters. Anyway, so one of the deputies is like, what are we looking for? And Sheriff George is like something big, tall and ghostly, I guess. So this becomes... Is that a Milisburg accent?

That's how they're talking to be a lot of Missburg, yeah. Something big, tall and ghostly, I guess. Something big tall and ghostly. We don't like big tall ghostly monkeys here in Millersburg. No, sir. Hey, use kids. If you're going down at Consul Lake,

look out, there's something big, tall, and ghostly. But everyone did go down to Conser Lake, to find something big tall and ghostly. And Alistair, everyone brought their gun. Of course they did. This is America. And someone who did try to get

get to the bottom of this was Betty Westby, who was writing for the local newspaper, the Greater Oregon. And she wrote articles, Betty Westby Investigates, which is what I've called this part of the tale. So Betty Westby investigates. And one of the witnesses, Laverne Wolf, again, presuming they're a person. Yep, yeah, probably. Called Laverne, turns up out of the dawn twilight with a gun. They take Betty Westby to see these footprints, Alice, what shape do you think the footprints are? Regular big foot shape. Regular.

A big, big foot with little toes. Mm. Regular big duck shape. What? That explains the flip, whip, whip, whip,

whip, that explains the flip, and doesn't explain the flip whip. No, it doesn't. So we've got a sort of webbed foot situation. Yes. There's another witness,

Mike Potter, who was having a look around and he came across this seven-foot-tall creature, resting by the creek. What do you think he did, Alistair? Shot it? Twice. Right. But it didn't stop it, so he ran away.

In fact, if anything, it annoyed it. Well, yeah, yeah. Sometimes you'll find if you're shooting a laser at a monster, it will give him more power. Yes, definitely. You just have to be very careful. Sometimes you'll think it'll work, but actually it'll just get bigger somehow. And I can't stress this enough. If a giant lizard-looking creature, like,

giant is attacking your city. Yep. It's actually powered by nuclear things. So you dropping a nuclear bomb on it, that's going to make a shot on it. That's not going to stop it. Quite the opposite. It's like throwing Brer rabbit into a briar patch.

It's like trying to stop me with pizzas. Now, by August the 19th, things are getting out of hand. James Hannan was shot at by someone who mistook him for a monster. Rude. Yep. very bad. Have you heard that story about Chubacker and Hivey's, by the way?

Chubacher in Hivis. Yeah, Chubacher and Hivis. So when they were shooting Return of the Jedi, they did it in some sort of big foresty bit of America with big trees. Oh, the Jedi. Yeah.

Although, given what we were talking about earlier, maybe it wasn't that big a forest. Maybe those trees weren't that big. No, perhaps not. For the long shots, they, between shooting, had to put Tubaker and a Hivez because there were big for hunters,

around and they were worried he was going to get shot. Really? So there's not been any sightings for a bit. And Betty Westby writes that she thought it had probably gone home in that spaceship by now. Somewhat speculative, I think, but fair enough. Yeah. There's a lot of speculation going on. Hazel Beals on the 2nd of September had written to the Greater Oregon and said it was a big baboon.

And that's not just a slam. according to the letters, she'd even looked at pictures of a baboon in an encyclopedia, and it sounded a lot like what people were describing. Right, but she hadn't seen the thing itself. No, but she's in an encyclopedia, Alistair. I don't think baboons have duck feet, do they? Okay, well, I'm not questioning her expertise. That's a good point.

Having seen an encyclopedia. Other sightings, there was a dripping noise when it was dry, which now I'm thinking that might have just been the lake leaking. That's why it's not there anymore. Someone saw something peeking through a window, and they found fingerprints on that window pane that were the width of the window, thumb on one side, fingers on the other. That's a big hand.

Wow. Big hand. Because you call this guy a big hand. Yes. Big hand duck feet. Yeah. That's better than flicks. Fripp.

It psychically chatted to a chap called Alvin Hammock. Okay, that didn't happen. So just move on straight away. He saw it. And he was like... Alvin Hammock. Alvin Hammock saw it. Okay.

Yep, couldn't be more reliable. Here he comes in his Hawaiian shirt. We're in a propeller cap. It's Alvin Hammock. He saw it and thought... I think he said out loud, I mean you know harm. And he heard in his head a voice go, in essence, I don't believe you. And he realized because he was holding onto his knife at the time.

So he let go of his knife. And then he sort of saw some grass getting pushed down by something invisible. and I've got a bit confused by the story at that point and skipped on. Yeah. So somehow by this point, Betty's giving it the name Ping. Ping. Ping. Yes.

But a medium got involved. And the psychic and Betty Westby continued their investigations. And the psychic allegedly communicated with it. And the creature announced that its name was Flix. Or Flicks. Right. Okay. So that's how it chose the name Flicks.

It gave itself the name Flicks. Right. And that's about the last we heard of it. We don't even know, we don't, there's not been any more sightings. We don't even know where this Consul Lake is anymore. Hmm. But that's the tail. Afflix!

The Consulake. Beast. Who didn't actually have a tail? So it's not, you're not doing a pun there. No. No, just checking. Well, tail. The tail.

No, no, that's the story. I'm just trying to clear up whether you're doing fun. Yes. Sorry. That's the story. That was not a laboured pun. Chortle, take note. Yeah, thanks.

Not everything he says is laboured. A fine collection of somewhat contradictory accounts there. Mm-hmm. It is reminiscent of, you know, we're talking about the Peckham ghost. It is reminiscent of the London ghosts that were clearly just either different things happening or somebody pranking people at night and being weird. And then everyone getting excited. And every new weird thing that happens is related.

to the ghost or the monster. Yeah. And some things are like, yeah, probably, did you, oi, Oe, Leverne, did you make those marks? Did you make those footprints? To try and get a bit of notoriety, Leverne Wolff. Maybe not, maybe someone else made them and Leverne Wolf stumbled across them.

Maybe, maybe. But yeah, you're going to score it, huh? Yeah, let's score it. Okay, then. First up, naming. Naming. We've got some great Americana names here. Yes, Alvin.

What is his name? Dick Wedge, Jimmy Hammer. Dick Mars. Teddy and Bobby Swarm, the Swarm Grows. Teddy and Bobby Swarm. Oh, Jim Westby and Betty Westby, maybe they were related. Oh, have you? Whoa.

So, she's compromised now. She's actually got an interest in the case, which isn't purely journalistic. Mike Potter, that sounds, I'm pretty sure that's a football manager. Yeah. Yeah, good name. Millersburg. Just a really good generic American-sounding place. Yes.

Black Dog Road. I found that. That was good. Points to me for finding that. Jose's Lawn care. That was good. Laverne Wolf. Yeah, LeVern's Wolf.

Jimmy Hannan. Stop shooting at him. He's not a monster. Yeah, Jimmy Hans. Unless there's another Jimmy Hannan who was a monster. Flicks. And Flicks and Ping. Two names for the monster.

Yes. Two names for one monster. Yeah. It's going to be a four because there were some good rich names there. But I think flicks and ping are both a bit rubbish. So that's what's holding it off being a five. Flicks and ping are a bit rubbish.

Yeah, terrible names for a giant seven foot tall white tape. They're not the scariest names. But Betty did say that she thought it was essentially a peaceful creature. But she also did say that it tore two police dogs to ribbons. I don't know if she knows what peaceful means. You skipped over that, James. Wow. Maybe Flix said Akab and so it's actually is quite peaceful because it's just against any form of authority.

Yeah, maybe. Okay, second category, supernatural. Well, I don't think aliens are supernatural, I'm afraid. I think Flix is an alien from space, a space alien. Webfoot, hairy gorilla-looking alien. Yeah, came down in a spaceship, which I assume can go invisible. and that explains the grass being pressed down by an unseen force. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. It's just a cloaking device on its vessel. Maybe it's jet propulsion as it took off again, vaporized the lake. That's why it's not there anymore. Exactly. And the fuel that it runs on is probably dog. It runs on dog.

It's probably dog ribbons. Exactly. It's just a dog ribbon engine. And so it needed the dogs for the ship. So it's all just basic science, What horrible journey dogs have been on this episode. Yeah. From having the autonomy to drive cars and raise eyebrows.

Yep. To being used as a fuel. To being minced up for fuel. No. What a day. Well, you're not welcoming Millersburg. Yeah. Well, we like dogs.

Steer clear. So, wait a minute. You're going to say UFOs, to use the modern phrasing. First of all, I would never pronounce that as a single word. I would say UFOs. I'm not saying UFO. I'm not saying it.

It's not going to catch on. Offo. Okay. Right. And it's psychically talked to Alvin Hammocks. Oh. I'm sorry. I forgot that.

To Alvin's hammock. I forgot that the most convincing witness of all was communicated with psychically. Yeah. Okay. Psychic communication, that does enter into the sphere of the paranormal or the supernatural. Mm-hmm. A word I may have just invented, but I don't know. So yes, it's a one then because there was some psychic communication.

Do we do zeros on this podcast? I can't remember. I think, yeah, we have done zeros in the first. So it's a one. It's a one. It's not a zero. Yeah, all right. Okay, good.

But it's a one because Alvin Hammocks is psychic. Nothing to do with the monster. Now, my third category is noises. Noises off. noises off. Well, yes, there were some great noises. Yeah.

Flipe, Fweep, sweep, sweep, whip, whip. I don't know if the listener knows. James is making that noise. Yeah, sorry, yeah. That's not a recording. And I'm doing it live every time. Wow.

Fweep, sweep, weep. Yeah. Or Fleep. Fleep. Fleep or Fweep. Either or. That's the kind of vibe. Yeah.

Very good noise, that one. one. Any other good noises? I mean, I'm not saying that one wasn't good. The flap, plap, the flap, plap, plap, plap, yes, the plap as it ran, which... Big ducks feet. When it would have been run up Concer's Road after that car, would have been making it similar sort of... Yeah. Like if you've ever run in flip-flops, they... This sounds worse than it is. Yeah, and it does bend quite a bit that road, but it's got long, long, straight stretches. It's not like your country roads here in the UK. So if you were looking for an opportunity to sort of lose the creature, you'd have to go a long

way. Oof. Terrifying. Yeah, and I suppose he kicked up a fair bit of noise in a figurative sense in the town of Millersburg or the city of Millersburg. You wouldn't have been able to relax next to that lake for the sound of gunfire. No. Yep, that would have been noisy.

Yeah. It was shot twice that we know of. Yes. Yeah. I think it's another. four. I think it's another four for noise. I would have liked a third funny noise. Ah, yeah. That's fair enough. Well, me too. To be honest. We've got Fip, Fip, Fip, Fip. And we got flap, flap, flap, flip, whip. I was really hoping it would go PING to explain why it's called PING.

Yeah, no, we don't know where that came from. Betty seems to have just sort of come up with it at some point. According to Oregon Bigfoot.com. This is a reporting of the Greater Oregon newspaper articles. Final category. Stop shooting everything, please Americans for a second, would you? Yes, come on. My gosh. Wow. Absolutely.

It's a bit much. What did it do? What did it do apart from make a noise? Don't immediately shoot it. Don't immediately shoot it twice, Mike Potter. Potter. Mike Potter. Don't shoot Jimmy Hannan.

Even if you did think he was a monster. No. Don't shoot Chewbacca He's making a film He's in Star Wars He's from Star Wars You've heard of Chewbacca This was Return of the Jedi

He was well famous by then It's Return O the Jedi You've heard of that Return at Jedi Yeah Now I think we can all agree America may or may not have a gun problem I don't want to be controversial here

We've alienated American listeners in the past with our radical political takes. So I don't want to say that America has a gun problem. I think we can say that Consa Lake, in the summer of 1960, had more of a gun problem than a nine-foot-tall monster problem. I think that's fair to say. They probably shot the lake. That's probably what happened to the lake.

It was just shot it. They just shot it away. They shot it clean off the face of the earth. Yeah, absolutely. It's a shame because guns have like six barrels, don't they? Not five. But it is five. It's like a five barrel shotgun.

Does that exist? No, that'd be too many. It'd be too wide, wouldn't it? It'd be two doubles and a single. Yeah, two double shotgun or one single shotgun. Yeah. It's five out of five for America. Stop shooting everything, please.

Just for a second. For a minute. Maybe ping was the noise of like bullets bouncing off. Yes. Clearly it was. Very good. Very good, James. Yeah, no, five out of five.

America's got, it really wants to take stock and have a little think about that. Annoingly, stock is also part of a gun, I'm afraid. Yeah, that's a good point. Get rid of,

get rid of it. Flipe, weep, whip. Chilling. Flix and chill. Have you been waiting the whole podcast to say flicks and chill? No, I just thought of it. I wish I thought of it.

earlier because that would have probably been a better character. That could have been a good runner. That would have been a good category as well. Never mind, too right. I might just re-record me saying it in a number of different ways and just drop it in randomly throughout the episode. There's a couple of little bitty bonus bits come out of that. A little bit of bonus.

Please find that at patreon.com forward slash lawmen pod. And please support us, our endeavours there. Thank you very much. Thank you very much to everyone who already does. support us. Eventually we will stop the monsters from attacking. Thank you very much to Full Mellow Bird for sending that book. Yeah, that's really good. Just leave

a review somewhere. Just pop us a little review. Yeah. That's all we want. Just all we want. Nice little five stars. So I suppose they just flicked and chilled. That can be the end.