Loremen Podcast - Loremen S7Ep20 - Sweet Acorns from Japan

Episode Date: June 11, 2026

Sweet acorns! No, that's not a cool new exclamation taking the world by storm. These sweet acorns lead a pair of half-sisters on an extraordinary adventure in the Kumamoto region of Japan. There's a talking statue of the Amitābha Buddha and a tragic ending. The telling of the tale leads James to do one of the greatest chicken impressions ever committed to podcast. Plus, a series of demon voices that are as characterful as their accents are regionally accurate. Come see us in Oxford! ⁠⁠July 1st 2026 (2026)⁠⁠ Edited by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Laurence Hisee⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Join the LoreFolk at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠patreon.com/loremenpod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ko-fi.com/loremen⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Check the sweet, sweet merch here... ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.teepublic.com/stores/loremen-podcast?ref_id=24631⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ @loremenpod ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube.com/loremenpodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/loremenpod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.facebook.com/loremenpod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How can working at your local Timms take you further? Sure, you can level up your teamwork skills. You also get a chance to receive a Tim Hortons Scholarship Award. Ready for what's next? Apply today at careers.timhorans.ca. Welcome to Lawmen, a podcast about local legends and obscure curiosities from Days of Yore. I'm James Shakeshaft. I'm Alastair Beckett King.

And we've got another Japanese tale this week. from the island of Kushu from Kumamoto, and it is called sweet acorns. Let's hear it then. James, did you have a nice weekend? I did have a nice weekend, actually, Alistair. Thank you very much for asking. Peek behind the curtain, it's Monday when we're recording this. That's why I'm asking that.

I went to Norwich. Norwich. Norwich. And I went to a steak restaurant that had had a power cut, so we couldn't eat there. Oh. Oh, right. I thought that was maybe some cool thing. Like they did in London have a restaurant in the dark. Yeah.

In Norwich, in Norwich it's more by accident. It's themed. Because the generator has run out of vegetable oil. Yes, it was a shame because it was my friend, a bunch of us were visiting our friend who lives there. And he was quite excited to go there. But we couldn't. Well, we got there and they were very, very nice about it. And they gave us a load of beer for free, like a beer each for free, which was very kind of them.

So we went to a pizza place instead and yeah, it was fine. Norwich is a lovely little city. It's really far away, you know. It's really far away from places that aren't Norwich, but it is very nice. Yeah, it gets a bad rep. What for? I think for being in the middle of nowhere, you know, Norfolk is kind of the butt of jokes.

If you're not near enough to Wales to make fun of Wales, you might make fun of Norfolk. Have a pop at Norfolk. Fine. I wouldn't. I'm from the north. I don't, we don't make fun of Wales and. Norwich, Norfolk. So you had a lovely time not eating a steak in Norwich?

Yeah, had a lovely pizza instead. A place called brick. Actually, I'm going to advertise it. It's because they've got the word brick in massive letters on their, massive full caps on their menu, which if you're out with a bunch of lads as I was, all you need to do is fold up a napkin and place it over the lower bulge of the bee.

And you've absolutely razzed your pal. Right. I thought you were just going to try and order a brick. You were like, well, that's on the menu. We'll just have one brick for the table. No, I'm not annoying in that way. Very different kind of annoying. Similar but different.

That's good. That's very good. How was your weekend, hey? My parents were visiting, so I went to see the Ramsees the second exhibit. Ramesses 2, Ramlechuk. Exactly. Will I understand it if I haven't seen Ramsey's one? Nice.

First of all, an update, Ramseys. He's now Ramseys, not Ramesses, like he was when we were in school. He's lost his E. He's lost an E. Fair enough. Get this, Amon Ra, not called out. No? Amon Ray.

Oh, right. This is like... All the vowels are different. This is like in Batman with Ray Shaal Gull. It's Rars Al-Gul. Is it? Yeah. I don't expect you to understand that.

Well, I mean, I think maybe this is being based on like what things are called in Egypt. So maybe the new spellings are a bit more accurate. I don't know. Yeah, this was based on children reading comics. You know, there were fine very ancient things on display, you know, things that are thousands and thousands of years old. Very impressive.

But the general tone, I have to say, was like being in Donald Trump's toilet because everything is sort of gold, but it was like, it was like, I mean, yeah, no, but I mean, no, I mean, no, not. the smell, the general level of bombast because it was like Ramsey's the second had paid for the whole thing because it starts with like a video, like an American voiceover about how he was the most powerful, wisest, richest, longest, longest reigning pharaoh in history. It's like, I don't tell me any of that stuff. I don't want to hear like the sales pitch for Ramsey's the second. Is it describe how he made a bet on his 18th birthday and then he went on to fund

Bifco and date the, I'm talking about the video in Back to the Future 2 that they play outside. I see. I didn't get it. I saw it when you said Bifco, I was thinking of PIFCO, the people who make the electric scissors, which we have surely talked about on this podcast before. No, not enough. Not enough. No. But not today. They didn't work that well. I tried to use it and then the blade shot off into the wall. That's why you don't make scissors electric, Pivco. That's why you don't do that. Do they chop-chop electrically or are they in the shape of scissors? I'm imagine... The most efficient way I would imagine to do it

is to have two small, round blades that you sort of feed paper into. So it goes... No, it's not. It was like a nail scissor that was just automated. It wasn't at all like an electric knife where it just goes back and forwards.

It was simply a death trap. What, what, were your thumb... Was your thumb and finger in it a la normal scissors style? No, no, no, no. You held a sort of attachment. Like the scissors would... Yeah.

Who watches the watchman kind of thing, you know. I don't want to say that. I'm sure that verb couldn't have any other meanings. So it was pretty good, but frankly, to a, American and B, too concerned with the glory and wonder. There was a nice bit in the video where he fought the most famous battle of the ancient world and then declared himself the victor. And it was like, hmm, hmm, sounds like there's a bit more, a bit more of that story. And then you go around the exhibit and you get to the battle and it's like, oh, right, so it was a drawup best. But he declared himself the victor.

So, you know, you know. Yeah, yeah. You know. I'm going to have to change it now, but my password for my phone's Wi-Fi hotspot is James's one, with one being a number. Oh, like Jamies is the first. I always think, oh, it's Jamies the first, even though I'm the only person who would have ever seen it or knows what it is. Have you just told us what your password is? I've just told you what my Wi-Fi hotspot password was

before I forgot, well, ultimately forgot to change it. And it probably will still be. So if you're near me on a train and you can work out which phone is mine, is Wobble Phone. Then, yeah. Your phone is called Wobble Phone. Yeah, because like Shake shaft, to shake. Wobble.

Yeah, very good. Very good. These lovely little jokes that you do for yourself. It's just entertainment, isn't it? You just got to find entertainment any way you can. Mine's called the ghost phone in case anyone sees it and goes, oh, spooky. Nice. Yeah, I just thought, yeah, it might be a ghost's phone.

But it's not a ghost's phone, it's the ghost phone. The phone is a ghost in itself. Breaking York Dungeon News. Yes, James, what is it? I heard about this on the radio, on BBC Radio. He's being handed a sheet of A4 as we speak. What does it say, James? There's some stuff fell off the shelf at York Dungeon Gift Shop.

Wow. And they've called him paranormal investigators. That made the news, did it? Yeah, they talked about it on actual radio too as a feature. They had spooky music and ooh Gary Davis, like read it out in a spooky voice. Ooh, Gary Davis? Yeah, I don't know. That's what he says.

He says, ooh, Gary. Yeah, it's a catchphrase. Same. Yeah. Ooh, Gary Davis. Really? Yeah. I've never listened to Radio 2. And now I never will. Yeah, I wouldn't. Because I sound silly. Yes, it does. It's all about ghost news. I could just listen to this podcast. Exactly. With, ooh, Jimmy Shake shaft. Yeah. Ah, Alistabek King. Yeah, you don't have to pronounce it like that. Right. Alistair. James. I've got another Japanese tale for us.

Oh, very nice. But... A bit of wordplay on the word tail there? No, no. There's no. in this one. Oh. I just need you to prepare yourself for a lot of loose ends that aren't resolved. Okay. And an unexpected and tragic ending. Oh, wow.

Okay, because normally the stories that we tell are really well worked out and satisfying narratively. No, this, I mean, that's normally a side effect of my storytelling style that I managed to mangle any through line because I forget to say things. I think it's an inevitable consequence of doing it Christopher Nolan's style. I don't think this one is Nolan-esque. Good.

I don't want to slug off tenet again. I don't want to have a go at tenet again. I do, but let's move on. Yeah, we've got to move on. This story, it doesn't have an... Or backwards. Oh, damn it. Or we could move backwards.

It wouldn't make any sense, but let's do it. By the way, right, just quick... I'm not defending Christopher Nolan, but people complaining that he's doing the Odyssey and it's got a big one-eyed person in it, and they're like, oh, but it's... Christopher Nolan realism. He does time travel in Tenet.

What do you mean? Sorry, what they're objecting to their being a Cyclops in the Odyssey? Yeah. Are they? What does that mean? Well, they're like,

oh, how can Christopher Nolan do something? Why is he not doing a realistic thing? No of this stuff's realistic. Yeah, don't have you. Tenet is all about time travel and magic bullets coming out of bricks. In Inception, they might bend the road and go into each other's trip.

What is? Shut up. Silly. Shut up. That is just a little clip for anyone, because I can't imagine that any of our crowd either have thought of that problem or would even have that problem.

But if they ever hear anyone saying that problem, come out of like that. Yeah, I've heard a lot of annoying objections to The Odyssey. Like people are complaining about them having American accents and people complaining about him casting a black woman as Helen of Troy. I mean, I hate being put in a position where I have to defend Christopher Nolan, the worst living filmmaker.

Shut up. My only beef with it is at no point during the two trailers that I've seen does anyone go Telemachus? You're alive, my son. Father!

Yeah, no one goes... Father! Yeah, and who's playing No, no, Le Petit robot? Yeah, exactly. More dolls! There's a word I didn't hear in the trailer. I bet that's the reveal

in the film that he is accompanied by no, no, the le Petit robot. The way back to Earth has been erased from my memory banks. Yeah, these are all classic lines we remember from Homer, and they've taken them all out. Yes. The only...

The only thing I would respect is, if you came up with a really bad Odyssey tweet, and then you're all post, and then posted it from an account called Nobody, and then people will be like, nobody has a terrible take on this film. That would be a very clever joke. Why?

Oh, because, sorry, that's what Odysseus does. to the Cyclops. Oh. When he meets the Cyclops, he tells him his name is the Greek word for nobody, or the ancient Greek word for nobody. And then he blinds the Cyclops. Yeah. And then with a spear, I think.

And then the Cyclops runs out, calling to help and shouting, nobody has blinded me! And everyone's like, well, that sounds fine then. He's like, yeah, I understand. Nobody has blinded me. And they're like, yeah, we understand. It sounds fine. Someone shout back,

Who's on first? Yeah, it's the oldest version of that kind of joke. It's the original Abbott and Constello. Yes. Wow. Okay, Ballister, this is distracting us from the story that I have for you, which is from Folk Legends of Kumamoto by Takami Tsukamoto. And this is a book, I can't remember how it came to me,

but it's really nice. It's got some lovely pictures in it. It's translated from Jumoto. Japanese. That's a lovely phrase that you can't remember how the book came to you. Well, I can't imagine I bought it, to be honest, but it is from, at the back, it's got December 98, the editor and translator is Takamu Tsukamoto, and there's a little section at the back where I think they give the sort of Japanese synopsis in, in Japanese writing. It's called Outline of the Stories for Japanese Readers, which takes up like, probably about 2% of the book.

and then all the rest is it in English. Oh, so is it perhaps a book that a Japanese student of English would use? Maybe. Maybe that's what it is, yeah. So this should, you'd think that I'd be able to get my head round it if it's for intermediate readers of English. And it is in English, right? And it is in English, yes.

But? It seems I'm not at that I'm not at intermediate English level, yeah. You thought it was foolproof, well. Well, well, well, Mr. Publisher. Bet on this fool. So Kumamoto is in Kewshu, which is the island off the end of the big island. The big banana is Honshu. Off that is Kewshu.

And that's where you've got your Nagasaki's, your fakakakas. And of course, your Kumamoto region. This chapter, this story is called sweet acorns. There's no exclamation mark. exclamation mark shake shaft zone. Okay, very nice. Sweet acorns. Something a farmer might shout in irritation.

So we've got two sisters and we've got a stepmother. Oh, oh. Yeah. Oh, oh. Now, it's not defined in this, but as you'll see from the story, the stepmother clearly has a favorite, which is the younger sister. So I think maybe she's only stepmother to the older sister or something. Or she's just just, just.

just pick sides. So the older sister is called Shiraigiku, which means white chrysanthemum. And she's described here as having beautiful, clear eyes and fair skin. And even the villagers were amazed that there was such an attractive girl living in such a rural area. Wow. You've got to raise your sense of village pride. People. You can't be like, wow, an attractive villager. What's this city doing down here? You're from this village. Exactly. And then there's the youngest sister is called Kigiku, which means yellow chrysanthemum, and was also quite a beautiful young lady.

Not to the extent that she surprised villages. Yeah, not to a sort of a region slandering level. Right. But just, but evidently also quite attractive, quite a beautiful young lady as it says here. Now, yes, the stepmother is the stepmother to shirogiku and the natural and the mother-mother of Kigiku, and she, the stepmother, bullied Shuragiku, the older sister. Shuriguku, they've never talked back. She abaved and she served her respectfully.

And they lived near a temple to Amitaba, who is one of the big main gods in Japanese Buddhism. Now, Alistair, I'm going to let you into a little secret here on the listener. I don't know much about Buddhism. I know there's big statues. I know in Japan that you've got two religions. You've got Buddhism and Shintoism. Yeah. And it's Shinto shrines and Buddhist temples.

I see. And the temples tend to have the statues of the Buddhas in. Mm-hmm. That's as much as I've got. Which ones have the red, reddy orange arches of wood? That's the gates. Those are the shrines. That's Shinto.

Shinto, sorry. Shinto, yeah. Which is a bit, is kind of like everything. thing's got a spirit. So you've got like a little... Oh, nice. You've got a... Animism, is that the word?

Yeah, maybe. Could be. Could be. Could easily be. And you've got like... That could well be. You've got like a little fox that looks after children in the afterlife. Oh, lovely.

And stuff like that. In fact, actually, you know what, Alistair? You know the film, My Neighbor Totoro? Yes. You know, there's a bit where the kids get lost in the rain. Yes. Together. they shelter near a little shrine to the little fox that looks after kids out.

They have a little red apron on. So they put a fabric apron on these little stone. I think they're foxes. I mean, I'm sorry for how wrong I'm getting these things. So back to the story. So none of that, not Shinto, Buddhism. They're at the temple to Amitaba and there is a sweet acorn tree. And it's autumn times.

And the wind's been blowing. So ripe acorns be falling. And the mother calls the daughters together and says, look, the wind blew hard yesterday. Oh, I'm also going to say, I may do some paraphrasing. Okay, okay. Good, good. But no accents, I assume. Some accents, but not local to them.

No, okay. Probably local to me. So the wind blew hard yesterday, guys. This is the mum. This is an evil step-mom. The wicked stepmother. Wind-blue hard yesterday, guys. And a lot of acorns have fallen down, so go and gather them, please.

Come back home when you filled your back. bags. She gave the older sister, Shurigiku, a big worn old bag. And she gave Kigiku her favorite, a very small bag. So she's done there. Do you see what she's done there? Oh, she's playing one off against the other. She's not nice. So the younger sister obviously quickly filled her little bag with acorns. And she offered to help the older sister. The older sister was like, no, it's good. No, you go home. I'm going to fill my bag. So the younger sister was like, okay. So she went home. the older sister, still trying to fill this bag. It's taking a long time even though it's a big bag.

Do you know why, Alistair? There's a hole in the bag, James. There's a hole in the bag, Alistair. And acorns trickled out as soon as they were put in. So it goes, the sun goes down and darkness grew over the precincts of the temple. And she's got to find shelter. So she's got no choice. We go into the temple.

And she says, Amitaba, please allow me to stay here tonight. And you know what happened, Alistair, the statue of Amitaba. Mm-hmm. spoke to her and said, and again, I'm just going to remind the list of I may be paraphrasing. Fine. Yeah, course. You can stay here, mate. And you're hungry. So you need to eat some food. I'll tell you what I'll do. I'm going to take one grain of rice out of my right here. And I'm going to take one grain of Foxdale millet out of my left ear. And here's a wooden scoop. Put the rice and the millet in an iron pot. Stir it with a scoop and say, fill the pot,

fill the pot will be full of rice and foxtail millet. Then you eat the boiled rice yourself. and offer me the foxtail millet. Now, I don't know if you noticed a little detail there. I'm trying to follow that. So you mix together the rice and the fox tail millet, and then she just has to eat the rice, but not the millet. Yes, a great question, but I'm still noticing the fact these are coming out of the ear.

Yeah. Admittedly, of the orifices. I'm looking at a picture of Amitaba, big ears, capacious. And also, also, is that? Amitabra, because Amitab is seated like Buddha, but is Amitab a woman? I don't know. Okay. It looked to me, it looks like, it looks like Buddha, but with boobs.

Do you know what this is going to be? This is going to be AI generated images of Buddha that haven't realised. Did you accidentally type in boobda? I'm going to have to apologise to Buddhists again, aren't I? No, I don't, half of them seem to have boobs. I think it's just the way they're sitting. Okay, all right. We don't know much about Buddhism.

We don't know a lot, no. Or it seems boobs. No, apparently not. I don't know if they actually give Avatabra agenda in this story at all, so I'm sorry about that. I've made an assumption there, which has made a bleep out of me and me.

No, it says, say he. Sorry. All right. Okay, okay, let's watch. It's just a guy with a cracking pair. What's on with that? Let's just wheel this back. Massive, grain-filled ears.

Yeah, but Alist, to be fair, of the orifices, I think that is the one that I would, It's a low bar. It's a high... No, I don't know where the bar is, but of the orifice, that's one I would probably accept food from.

Oh, if you had to chow down on a God's bounty, yes, you'd prefer it to come from the ears. Than the nose. Then the nose. It'll be all bogies. Although earwax is probably... Is earwax worse than bogies? Yeah.

To eat? I don't think so, no. But I was thinking, I've thought about... I have genuinely thought about this in the past. You know how earwax really smells? Mm-hmm. Maybe bogeys are. really smell.

But because they're in our nerves, we've just gone used to it. Yeah, exactly right. Yeah, horrible thought. That's why babies cry. So, think about that, actually. Next time you're picking your nose.

Anyway, right. So what's going on with this? Because, James, before we started, you told me the story involved Foxtail Millet. Yeah, I didn't know what it is. Did you look it up for me? I did.

Well, I tried to do a bit of looking up. It's a type of millet, first of all. Wait, no way. Yeah, what is a millet? It's a grain. It's a grain. Oh, go on. It's very common, especially in Asia.

It does look a bit, it's a bit like the shape of a fox's tail. Right. I didn't know if it had folklore attached to it, so I tried to find the oldest records I could find for fox tail millet. Yeah. And then I got really distracted by a publication called Hordes Derryman. Is that one guy's name? A Horde Derryman. I'm a superhero.

Derryman. No. Horde is a guy. The dairyman is a farmer, I guess. Okay, okay. So it's a double act. Yeah, exactly. It's two guys.

Hord's on first. No. It's a publication for farmers from 1870 into at least the 1920s. The way you say it does make it sound like a euphemism, I'm afraid, Alice. I said something about, it's a publication for farmers. Well, there are some lonely farmers in it.

So I found it just because there's a section on how millet hay is for cows. It's a question and answer. People can write in and say, does millet make good hay for cows? And they get an answer saying, Foxtail, Millet is fine-stemmed. And there's also the, you know, dairy news.

Go on. Things like show cattle must be tested, you know, and the emergency tariff. Oh, gosh. Yeah, this sounds like quite the, the tabloid of the dairy news press. My personal favourite, Pennsylvania Butter Bill.

Presumably also a guy. Right. No, that was a law saying that butter had to be 80% buttermilk. Minimum. Yeah, minimum. There's some wonderful things. There's an advert for the Arcola heating solution

with the headline, keep the boys and girls on the farm. Because clearly there was a problem with raising. Basically, if you have the traditional farm stove only heats one room. So everyone has to be in the same room in the winter. And that's annoying.

Yes. So the message of the advert is stop your daughters from going to the city because they're sick of your face and smell and presents. Because they can't have, if they want to have anyone over, it's got to be in that same room. And so this is a solution for heating more than one room in a farm so they don't all go off to the city to get

boyfriends. Oh, I can imagine, I can imagine a grumpy dad or uncle being like, oh, we're going to have to get a thing. It means that we can think one more room. Exactly. And then there's the quite sad section, Hordes Derryman Juniors, where kids write in. Yeah. And it's not, it's not, it's not.

I've read some of the letters. It's not exactly a lonely hearts, because obviously they're just kids, but it's just like lonely, it's like a lonely kids column. Okay. Young kids, are they not like, I wish I had another warm room to be in? Well, none of them seem to mention the heating. Okay. Because I don't know.

It's mostly, it's all boys, and they're exclusively interested in their farms. So here's an example. I'm going to read a letter from Orville Hessel, Wisconsin, who I checked on MyHeritage.com, lived to the age of 92, died in 2002, this man. Wow. But back in the 20s, he was a child. Yeah. He writes. I have 24 pet rabbits.

We have 17 cows, four heifers, and one pure bread bull and four horses. We had the champion herd in the Testing Association last year. I live on a 120-acre farm. I am 11 years old, and I am in the sixth grade. We have a milking machine, so I don't have to milk by hand. I have no brothers or sisters. It seems lonesome sometimes. My work on the farm is feeding the rabbits and chickens and helping to do the chores.

In the summer, I clip the lawns and drive horses on the hay fork, Wisconsin. That's the whole letter. It's just sort of... Just a list. Just a bit. And the rest of them are all just lists. A sad list. Frederick Clousin writes,

I live on a 214 acre farm and go to school every day. I expect to pass the eighth grade this spring, so that keeps me studying all the time. We have 15 head of cattle for a registered airshers. We are going to build a beherder. I can't... They're all... He ends, hoping some of the juniors will write to me.

My address is RR3, Oregon, 3. Which is not an address, as far as I can tell. But that must make sense if you're a farmer. boy. Maybe these kids are all lonely because they're incredibly dull and they only list the number of cows they have. Make a friend in your area. Yeah. Or stop talking about cows all the time. Stop just listing cows. Maybe that's all they know though. John Holland. We are milking 14 cows at night and five in the morning. That's how he starts. That's how he starts. Maybe that means, maybe that's good. Most of the hay in the barn is gone, but we have some in stacks.

A little over half our silage is gone. But our silo is just a, 10 by 20. We have about 100 sheep. We have eight horses and a pony. I am 11 years old and I am in sixth grade. Our teacher's name is Myrtle Dolan, Wisconsin. That's it. Myrtle Dolan getting a shout out. I wonder, because the other kid, that bit's going to be read by other kids. So I'm imagining these little children with a big broad sheet newspaper just nodding along sagely. Like, oh, half of it. Oh, but it is only that, hmm, okay. Oh, Frederick Cousin's got a tiger cat and a black dog he calls Tony and a white rabbit. Good luck with the eighth grade.

Anyway, I guess there wasn't a lot to do on the farm all sitting around in the same room in 1921. But hey, Orville Hesel at least lived to the age of 92. Nice work, Orville Hessel. Healthy old lifestyle. So in answer to your question, Foxtail Millet. Is a grain. It's a type of grain. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's a grass. It's a grass. Nice. I think. But a big one, way bigger than the grass you and I are used to. So, um... Does that answer your question? Well, I suppose.

But is it a kind of riddle to put the rice and the millers in together and mix it up and then only eat the rice? Is that meant to be an impossible challenge? Do you remember I mentioned there would be some loose ends? Is that going nowhere? This is one of them. Yeah. Okay. And also, Shurigiku did as she was told.

She's cooking in the iron pot. And so she's put the rice, the one grain of rice from the god's ear and the one grain of Foxtelm with it out of the other ear of the god. With the wooden scoop, put it in the iron pot, scoop stirred it round saying fill the pot, fill the pot. And it happened. It did fill the pot. Well, that is, I mean, rice isn't like that, though, isn't it?

It does expand. It hard to judge the amount. And then it says, but instead of eating the boiled rice, Shurigiku offered it to Amitaba and ate the boiled foxtail millet herself. Right. Still inexplicable. I don't know what that means. I guess that's the end of a paragraph.

So I'm guessing that means something. I'm wondering if it's like a princess and the pea thing. Like she's so dainty and honorable. She's able to just pick out the grains of millet from the grains of rice. Is millet worse than rice? I'm assuming it's worse. Right. Yeah.

Okay. So, Abitaba says to her now... I mean, rice is a staple, isn't it? You don't see people go in for a bowl of millet, do you? Special fried millet. I mean, that guy was saying it isn't that good to feed to cows, so I can't see it being that nice. Oh, yeah, I forgot about that bit.

I was blown away by all the kids' letters. Yeah, the sand, lonely children of the 1920s. So Amitabah says to Shuriguku, by the way, Alistah, don't worry about those threads from the rice thing. No, we're just forgetting about all that. Okay. Because Amitaba says every night, Oni, goblins, come to the temple. So, you need to sleep hidden above the ceiling in the rafters.

Here is an umbrella with a bamboo sheath cover and also a bamboo blowpipe. Take them and hide up in the roof. Fortunately, Alistair, those threads do get tied up. When Amitabah goes on to say, when the goblins come, flap the bamboo umbrella, imitating the flap-flap sound that a chicken's wings make. Because goblins hate chickens. Well, while you do that, in a loud voice, say cockado do-do do through the bamboo blowpipe. And they'll think it's morning.

That's exactly right. Yes, we got there. The chickens, they'll think the day's about to break and they will return back into the depths of the mountain. So Amitabah holds out his big hand and Shuragikiku's step. on it and she climbs up his shoulder and then she's up in the rafters of the building and not long after she's got up there the goblins come in the ony they're come in and they're like oh it smells like human being in here there's a human being here fresh accent noted yes um and they're they're flapping around with a big old feet and they look towards the ceiling they're

like um the smell of the human is coming front rafters Is that a different one? Because I thought the first one was a southerner and that one's from Yorkshire. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're from all over. Oh, nice. Yeah.

So, Shudugiku gets the umbrella and the blowpipe. She makes the flap, flap, flap, flap. She goes, Cockatoodoo da, duh. Three or four toes. Just once more, James. What was that? Cockatoodoo.

Do you. Yeah, that's more like it. Yeah. Because the first time he said cockadoodle, duh. Duh Cockadiddle Duh Cockatiddle Duh And yeah

The Oni here They're like What's this? The chickens are crowing early We should leave here quickly The cast It's going to be die breaks soon Hurry, hurry, hurry

So they run away Listes will have noted James is going through accents At a rate of knots Yeah We have enough accents to cover the rest of the story Unlikely So she's frightened

She shakes all through the night And then she starts to hear real chickens now crowing around in every direction and the dawn breaks and she says, Amitaba, thanks to you, mate, I was saved. Cheers, cheers, cheers, mate. Some paraphrasing in there. Yeah. Oh, whoa, it's a big fist.

Yeah, absolute urging, mate. Yeah, cheers. Oh, nice one. Nice one, mate. Yeah, magic, nice one. Nice one, God. She bows before Avataba gives thanks. And when she looks up, she finds that her bag has been.

repaired and is full of acorns. And Damatoa gave her the magic scoop as well, the wooden one. Oh. And she goes home. She tells a family about the what happened and about the magic scoop. And she does it. She puts a single grain of rice in the pot and does the trick. Boyle turns into a whole potful of rice.

Oh, I see. I don't think I realized it was a single grain coming out of the years. I think I was imagining a whole bushel. Oh, like you sort of tipped his head and... Yeah, I see. No, there's a single grain of rice. I feel like I might have sounded foolish when I said, well, rice does expand because it doesn't expand from one grain to fill the entire ball.

To multiply, yes. No, no. Yeah, you confuse it with bacteria. I know how rice works. I don't want people going around saying ABK doesn't understand rice. I do. Yeah, it's Buddhism and boobs that we don't understand. Yes.

The bees. And also the bees. No, we get the bees. We get bees. We're not Nicholas Cage. Right, next day, Mother sends them out again to gather some more acorns. This time, she gives Shuragiku the small bag, and Kigiku, her favourite, the big tattered bag with the hole in it.

I thought it had been repaired. It's a different bag. So how many bags does this lady have? Alistair, you're talking like a man that hasn't got a bag of bags. I have got, yeah, okay. Everyone's got a bag of bags. Do you keep your bag of bags? Is it in a drawer?

Is it under the kitchen sink? Is it in just a bag of bags on a shelf somewhere? It's in a much larger bag. Good. That's what they do. Have you got bags within bags within bags? Yes, indeed. Unfortunately, ours are splintered off into that.

Bags of bags. Bags of bags. We've got totes to get all totes together, and then we got a few of the thicker plastic bags. The bags for lives. The bags for lives. And then some of the weird little ones that you can still get somehow. Just showing off about bags there.

Showing off about my bags. Oh, there it is. Johnny bags, bags, bags. Like money bags. Billy Big bags. And Billy Big bags. And Billy Big bags. So they go through the, you know, the same thing happens.

Shurigiku fills a bag up. But Kiguku, she's not even got 10. And then it's, by this time it's evening. Kigiku tells her old sister to go home because that's what Mama told her to do and then Amitabra again allows Kiguku to spend the night in the temple same trick, take the grain of rice out of the right air out of the fox tail millet out of the left ear

boil the rice stir the pot with a scoop, fill the whole pot Kikiku ate the boiled rice as Amitabra had told her to and she offered the fox tail millet to Amit to Amitaba and again same deal bamboo umbrella, bamboo blowpipe On the palm

Up the shoulder Into the ceiling Wait for night to fall Yep Goblins And a big goblin Approach the ceiling Saying

Oh, there's a smell A human being here She'll hear It's the smell of a human being And now Kigaku Thought right It's time to scare the goblin She does the flat flat

With the bamboo umbrella She does the voice of the chicken Through the bamboo blowplak Cockcaddle Duh Cockcaddle do Cockcadoo Doo

A cockadudud Doo Doo Cat can do do sweet acorns. But Alistair, she, like you, were embarrassed about these weird noises, and she bursts into giggles. Oh.

And the goblins cried, Here's the human being. It was that girl who acted like a fake chicken. What a hateful lassie. It does actually say lassie in the original text, which fits quite nice. It's a shame. Shame you already used Scottish.

It is a shame. What a hateful lassie. You shall never escape us. this time. Apologies to anyone who's been offended by any of the accents in this episode. So, yeah, and the goblins, they hear her laughing, and I feel I've undermined quite a pivotal moment there, but they get her. They basically get her, Kigoo.

I don't know. What, by adding in Stephen Graham, how could you possibly have reduced the drummer or anything enhanced it? Yeah. Do you think we're going to get a BAFTA? Probably. Now, for that. A couple of BAFTAs, if not.

A couple of BAFTAs. If not one. Well, thank you, Stephen Graham for that. So, yeah, she's been got the... The mum goes to the temple, she approaches the front yard, and all that remains were large, ghastly footmarks and pieces of Kigaku's torn kimono.

What? Oh, I forgot. I know you told me to be ready. That's the end of the story. Wow. I suppose that's why you shouldn't laugh. Yeah, is that the moral? Yeah, I feel like some audiences I've played to

have heard this story and taken it to heart. Yeah, good on them. They're afraid of ony getting. them if they were to reveal their position through laughter. Did they pretend to be chickens during the rest of the set, though? Yeah, has happened, yes. Sometimes it does happen. Is that a genuine chicken sound there?

Is there a genuine chicken? Another, yeah, I let in another hands. Cucadalda. Cacadalda. So there's the tale of sweet acorns. That is a horrible story, and I don't think that she deserves the outcome. No, I don't think at all. It's really, yes.

It feels like there's meant to be a moral, but it's kind of just arbitrary, because it's just, because she just happened to laugh. It's not punishment for giving the God millet. It's not punishment for a behaviour. I think, though, sort of slightly more grimly, it is the wicked stepmother that's been punished because her daughter got got by goblins. Oh, yes, of course.

I think that's what it is. because she heard, yeah, I suppose that's it, even though she's kind of blameless in it. The daughter. Yeah, the daughter who gets eaten is kind of blameless. Yeah. Yeah, I suppose you're right, there is a moral there. It's just horrible.

But it's a grim one. Yeah. Yeah. So you're ready to score that then? Yes, please. Off the basis of that? Yeah. Okay, so first up, names.

Well, obviously they're Japanese, so I can't really touch them. But I do think the two daughters have been very similar. names, it was confusing, and I got confused about which daughter got eaten at the end. Shurigiku, kigiku. Yeah, what could be easier than that? Not sure about the pronunciation there. Sorry, if I got that wrong, it's white chrysanthemum and yellow chrysanthemum. But I suppose in the Brothers Grimm, you've got snow white and rose red, haven't you?

So that's kind of the same thing. The dad obviously had a theme in his naming. Yes, so you've got sisters with similar names. Amitaba, the name of the Buddha. Amitabah, lovely. Buddhist deity. Fox tail millet. Oh.

Foxtail millet. Foxtail millet. And what was that double act? From the old... Hordes Derryman. Hordes Derryman. Yeah, Hordes Derryman. And all those little guys.

I mean, there's... Oval Hessel, who's the best of the kids' names. Yeah. Some of them have quite dull names. Sorry, Alistair. Are you going to kick those 11-year-old sad kids while they're down? Oi, Frank C. Wilcox, you know, makes you sound like a dweeb. You write him back in to troll.

Yeah. I mean, that's what it's basically this is Reddit for 1920, wasn't it? But without people being like, oh, I'm having difficulty feeding millet to my milch cows. And people come into being like, you're going to get good. Noob. You've got to get that dairy grind set. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

Maybe you probably do grind millet. So that would help. Actually. So, names? Names. Oh, yeah. I mean, obviously I love Orville Hesel. By the way, it's Orval, not Orville, if that's what you're thinking.

Yeah. Oh, and I don't think I didn't tell you about, there's a picture of a really, really boring picture of four very dull-looking young farmers. And the caption is, it was at a meeting of the state famous More Eggs Poultry Club that Jimmy and Bill received their inspiration. And the picture really does the dullness of that caption justice. But I love the idea. I've never heard the phrase state famous.

Like I appreciate the honesty of not saying world famous or famous. Or country, yeah, nationally famous. No, just state famous. Everyone, everyone's heard of the more eggs poultry club. More eggs, poultry club. What do we want? More eggs. Where do we want from?

We're not going to discuss that. No. It's about M-O-R eggs. and I can't work out why. But hey, I'm not a country guy. No. I heard Bill's nickname was Boo. So, as far as I can tell.

Okay. I, yeah, I'm going to say it's three for names. Because I feel like, I try to help you out a bit with the more ex-paltry club, but that's only state famous. And I feel like if it had had a less confusing name, you know, we could have gone nationwide. Fair enough. All right, then.

Okay, second category then, supernatural. Oh, wow. I mean, such a, I would say a bevy. You've got a bevy of ony, each, each with their own completely distinct character and accent. Oh, absolutely. So well realised. Very, very fleshed out. Yeah, exactly.

It was, wow. It was incredible. No, don't ask me to repeat any of them. No, there was horrible little cockney, the ony. There was a horrible little Yorkshire one. Yes. There was the actor Stephen Graham. Yes.

And one was meant to be from Scotland. And one was meant to be from Scotland. Yes. All of them. All the unforgettable characters. So they were very supernatural. And obviously you have a tab. And of course there's your uncanny ability

to infuse those characters with life. Rice in the air, the whole stir in the rice magic spell? Yes. Yeah. Are gods magic? Are they supernatural? I suppose they are.

And yes, obviously, producing a whole bowl of rice from a single grain, magic. Yeah. Very magical. Yes. You've done some research

and you've found out that that isn't standard rice practice. No, no. I've read about it in Hord's Derryman. It said, absolutely don't do that. You want to get, you want to,

you want to heat your daughter's room. That's what you want to do. Oh, she's going to leave you before the crow cries. Cock do, do, do. Um,

So it's five out of five for supernatural, definitely. Yes. Okay. I've got my next category actually brings me into my next category, which is don't mind if I caca do-do-do. Oh, very good, very good. However, James, the Oni really do mind. They do, do mind.

They do mind, actually, yeah. Yeah. And of course, that bit of wordplay would work better if it was cockatood. doodle do and not cock a cockadele-deer. She seemed to have characterised it. Yeah. So I'm afraid I can only make it a three out of five. I can't see how I can go above three.

Because they did mind, they did mind. They cockadoodle-did did mind. They cock-a-doodle-did, indeed. But you could help yourself to as much rice as you wanted because it's basically an infinite amount of rice. Yeah, there is a second meaning to it that I hadn't appreciated there. Yeah. All right. All right.

I'll take it up to a fall then based on me not understanding it. That is like a piece of rice getting turned into more rice. Yes, yes, it is. Well done. And the final category is loose threads. Oh, I see what you've done because the bag had holes in it. The bag had holes in it, loose threads. Yeah, loose threads.

The story kind of let us let a lot of stuff hang. It did. A lot of stuff I could have done with an explanation for. And also, I'm putting that forward as the name for the column that the kid's writing. Loose threads. Just calling it loose threads. Yeah. I mean, to be honest, that sounds a little bit more cool.

But they might be hanging loose or wearing cool clothes. Yeah. That I hadn't thought of that meaning. Maybe then in that case, that is the little, the bits of tattered kimono. Oh, that's good. Yeah, loose threads. Because I'm not sure how you can say that we don't have tied up threads when we've got brilliant storylines like, we set out 5,000 cabbage plants last spring,

but they did not sell very well this fall, so we fed them to the cows, and they milked well on them. Now that's closure. That's got a beginning and middle and end. It's got a beginning and middle and an end. It's not interesting at any point, but it is structurally satisfying.

There is some jeopardy, though. There is. For a minute there, the low point all seems lost when the cabbages don't sell well. People refuse the call to buy cabbages. Yeah, exactly. The hero with 1,000 cabbages.

The hero with 5,000 cabbages. in this case. I can't remember my own category. Loose threads. Loose threads, yes. Well, James, you just lost you just lost the thread there, didn't you? So that's brought it up to five out of five

for loose threads. Which actually is almost too satisfying. Yes. I feel like I'm tempted to lower it to a four. Whoa. I'm not sure if that's legitimate. Just to leave it hang in there. Yeah.

Maybe we just won't decide what the score was there. Oh, yes, undecided. Take that spreadsheet makers Yeah, sorry spreadsheet gang I think we got ourselves Another question mark If people If people found that noise as entertaining as I found it

Cockadoodle did it If people enjoyed this episode I hope they did If people found that noise As entertaining as I found it And they want to support the show What can they do? They can simply go to patreon.com forward slash lawmenpod.

And they will gain access to a bunch of bonus episodes, which got a little bits and bobs in. Bits and bobs and bob, bits of bob. No, bits and bob. But thank you very much all the people who already do support us there at patreon.com forward slash lawmenpod. Thanks to Lawrence Redd us in this app. Thank you, actually.

And thank you the listener for listening to the episode and giving us a nice review maybe. Well, that's a great story, James, and I guess I would say what we really want to remember is with Wadham's tempered tractor oil. It's an oil quality, not just a brand name. Alistair, are you getting deals off the side? Is this your... No, no, it's just my opinion, James. In my experience, Wadham's tempered tractor oil is unbroken by excess heat in refining, and it withstands heat and kerosene.

It is so natural. I can't tell if you've been employed to do a re-exam. And in my view, the milk can that lasts, it's got to be a Sturge's milk can. It simply has to be Sturgis. The slogan, made to stand abuse. What are you doing in the cans?