Loremen Podcast - Loremen S7Ep24 - Australian Cryptids with Scout Boxall

Episode Date: July 9, 2026

James is joined by comedian Scout Boxhall to explore some Australian cryptids including at least one thing that definitely did exist. Oh, and also the terrifying Drop Bear. Check out the haunting film of the thylacine here. Find out more about Scout's show "God's Favourite" here. Edited by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Laurence Hisee⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Join the LoreFolk at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠patreon.com/loremenpod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ko-fi.com/loremen⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Check the sweet, sweet merch here... ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.teepublic.com/stores/loremen-podcast?ref_id=24631⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ @loremenpod ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube.com/loremenpodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/loremenpod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.facebook.com/loremenpod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode is brought to you by Accenture. When your advertising operations fall out of sync, everything else follows. Spotify and Accenture are working together to reinvent the rhythm of ad sales, using automation, analytics, and smarter workflows to simplify campaign delivery and access better data across the business. The result? Less time spent on operations, more time connecting brands with the moments and fandoms that matter most. Learn more at Accenture.com slash Spotify.

life serves you an ace or an unexpected backhand. The high-protein yogurt, Oikos Pro, is there to feed your strength and help you turn every challenge into a smash. Oikos Pro helps build strong muscles and support muscle recovery with high protein and contains no added sugar because true strength isn't about being able to take the hits. It's about being able to bounce back. Oikos Pro, feed your strength. Visit oikos.ca for more details. Welcome to Lawmen, a podcast about local legends and obscure curiosities from Days of York. I'm James Shakeshaft. I'm Alastair.

I'm Alistair, you were not here for this episode. I'm not in it at all. Imagine such a thing. Why am I here? I did try and embody your strictness on the scoring. Thank you, James. Well, you can enjoy this along with the listeners because we've got a wonderful guest scout boxall, and they're telling us all about Australian cryptids

from down under if you're in the UK. Yeah, or from here if you're in the Antipodes. Hey, listener, yes, I'm speaking directly to you right now because, one, Alistair's not here, but you'll notice I'm doing the, we've got a guest deputy whisper, so don't worry, it's not just me doing this for a while because, to be honest, it started to hurt my throat.

But no, we've got a guest deputy law person today. It is Scout Boxall comedian all the way via the internet from Australia. Welcome, Scouts. How's it going there? Hello, I'm good. I'm good. All the way from the other side of the planet. Quite literally.

It is literally, isn't it? Nine hour time difference, baby. More than that. No, surely not. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're as close as nine hours. That's nothing. I know.

I know. It's beautiful. That's simply a nap. Oh, you're very welcome. Yeah. So basically, Scout, you need to get gend up on. I don't know where that phrase comes from. You need to get...

I don't even know what does that mean? What is gend up mean? It's a posh word that means like do your research or something like that. It means like, you know, get the information on. I'm going to Google it now because I imagine it's an old word that I don't really understand that posh people use. I'm going to check it's not racist. It's a British slang term, meaning to familiarize yourself with the details of the subject. It comes from the 40s, likely derived from military jargon for general information.

Okay. Safe. So, for now, safe. But anyway, yes, we're going to get you ready to come to Edinburgh, right? Are you doing a show in the Edinburgh Fringe, or are you just visiting for perhaps a staggle hendoo? That would be 20 hours for a hand do. That would be absolutely prolific. No, I'm coming to Edinburgh.

I'm doing a show at the fringe. It's my first time doing a show at the fringe. I'm really, I'm stoked. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that's one. Where are you on? I'm at Assembly, Georgia Square. Oh, very nice.

That's a lovely room. Yes. That's going to be good. But I'm going to be, yeah, I'm going to be in the UK for like two months. So I got to, I got to learn. I got to learn the law. I got to understand. what kind of Motherland I'm walking into, you know.

Are you doing any other shows around it about, or are you just like holidaying in the UK? I'm doing two shows at Soho. Oh, nice. In London's glittering Soho. I know. That is going to be nice. There's a few, we've talked about a few spooks inspectors

that you would need to watch out for when you're in that area. Are you serious? Not specifically the Soho Theatre, but just kind of London in general. The most recent chat we've had about Soho, was a sleepy Frenchman who slept for like a week or something. He was a wine dealer and he got mugged and then he slept for a week and got in the papers. And yeah.

So I don't know if you want to do, I mean, it would be a form of promotion to sleep for a week. But I don't know if nowadays, I don't know if that makes much of a dent, you know, world's changed. No, I mean, look, any ticket sales, the ticket sale, I'll take it. Spectors are welcome actually at any show, standing room only or floating room, if you will. Lovely stuff. Very nice. Well, that's also, I don't know if you know, the air conditioning situation in the UK is not great. Today we're recording on one of the hottest days yet this year. Oh yeah, it's like 40 degrees there. No, it's not. It's barely 30. But we're making a fuss because we don't have aircon or an understanding of how to keep cool.

But I always think in these sort of situations, I wish I'd invested in more haunted furniture because they always say there is a strange chill associated with, say, the grandfather clock. That'll be great in this weather. I could just stand next to it. It would be perfect. Is that how you do it in Australia? Yeah, absolutely. The ghosts of convicts pass.

That's how we keep cool. No, it's so important. Like, having a spectral presence in the home is really essential to just like, combating poor insulation, a total lack of preparedness for a climate crisis. You really just need a couple of ghosts on hand just a couple of degrees.

It makes all the difference. It brings the humidity down. It's important, you know. Definitely. Keep the ghosts happy and keep them around. And you know what? You're never alone with a ghost in the home. Oh, you're never alone.

Ectoplasm for days, as they say. It's a form of shower gel. Lynx Africa and ectoplasm, the two secrets to becoming a man. Yeah, it's what teenage boys smell of in, isn't it, really? But, well, have you, in Australia, have you had any experience of spookiness? Ooh, I think... Aside from actual air conditioning, which is some sort of magic. Magic.

I don't know. I think Australia's got a lot of, like, weird, myths and cryptids and beasties sort of wandering the land, which I quite like. I've heard of the drop bear. Is that a thing? Yes. Have you ever been to Australia? Yes. Okay.

And I was really terrified before I went because I'm not a fan of being bitten by something poisonous. I don't know. Yeah. Call me, maybe I should open my mind a little bit more. Yeah, I mean, I'd call you a coward for that, but that's okay. Many have. And I kind of calm myself down.

I was like, quite a lot of people live there. It can't be that bad. And then literally there was a huge full wall poster at the airport that was like, which do you think is the most deadly? And it was like sharks and tigers and lions. And then it was like an arrow pointing down to this tiny little spider. It was like, yeah, this Australian spider's well deadly. So, oh, lads.

There's nothing like, getting felled by something that's like two millimeters long. I do think that like, I don't know, Australia is so like, we're all, we're big and tough boys. But also, like, our biosecurity is so hectic because our entire ecosystem can be like flawed by a single like cherry pip. Yeah. If you eat an apple too soon to get enough the plane, you could be violating laws.

Absolutely not. You are so fragile. We are fragile, extremely fragile. Toxic and fragile. But it's good to have learned. from the um the that toad what was that toad the frog do you remember that this was a thing in the 80s for some reason there were like three things we knew about australia and it was castle main for like a cane toad maybe and it was the the those toads that got introduced to eat something and they

bred massively and they didn't actually eat the thing they were there to eat yeah i i mean like australia the story of australia is just that neighbors That and Kylie. Oh, of course. Australia is just sort of like a series of invasive species fighting each other for supremacy at the end of the day. And I think, yeah, the cane toads are wild. All of it's wild.

It's crazy. Well, that's, I mean, that's one of the first cryptids that came to mind when I was thinking about like what Australian myths and legends. And it's a thylacine. Are you aware? Have you heard of? A phyloane. Is that, wait a minute, sorry, is that some sort of movement, the thyloseine?

No, this is, this is the thing. Because I'm not into thylos. What is it? Yeah, that's the thing, that's the thing about grain. It'll go in thylos. Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm not well. So the thylacine is the Tasmanian tiger. Oh, yes.

Which is now extinct. Yes. And there's like this very haunting footage of the Tasmanian tiger. It's a strange animal. It's called a tiger, but it's more related to. Like, this was a real thing, by the way. Like, I call it a cryptic, but this was, this was a real animal that went extinct. The last one in the wild was shot, and the last one in captivity died of exposure.

Much like many comedians at the fringe, I reckon. And that's okay. And that's okay. That's all good, clean fun, and that's part of showbiz. And some of them die from under exposure as well. Yeah, I know. They're like, please, please. God, I wish I could freeze out of me.

open. The thylacine is a beautiful animal. It looks like a, it looks like someone has, when the first pletopus was discovered and like sent back to England, everyone thought it was a hoax and they thought that someone had stitched like four other animals together. And the thylacine is kind of similar. It's this beautiful beast. It's got like these stripes at the end of its back, which is why it's called a tiger.

But it's more like a wombat or a kangaroo. Like it's a marsupial. And its jaw opens like 120 degrees. It like snaps open in this like insane beastly way And its tail is completely straight It has no joint And so it just sort of like whips through the air What, it's just like a single bone?

Yeah, it's a single bone That's what we're working with here In this upside down land There's body single boned tigers It's crazy It's beautiful Jeepers creepers Oh yeah, I'm looking at a picture here of it

Opening its jaw Oh, that's a big yawn Yeah That is a... Yeah, he's a sleepy, boy. He's got really long back legs as well so yeah that's a peculiar looking

thing I like it. There's footage of the very last one called Benjamin from the National Film and Sound Archives which is down the corridor from where I work and it's just this it's this really haunting footage of like this creature kind of stalking around a cage

and the keeper is like sort of like hitting the side of the cage to make it move and it's like this very powerful beast that it's just just like kept in this like three meter by three meter cage. It's wild. It's absolutely wild. But the thylacine is now extinct, fully extinct.

But the University of Melbourne wants to de-extinctify it. They want to bring it back. They want to like clone it, stem cells. They're literally bringing it back. I'm glad it's cloning rather than Time Machine. I mean, I feel like de-extinctifying a species. We're getting to, we're getting to Time Machine territory. Do you know what I mean?

This is sort of like flying car stuff. It's, I'm just, so I did a little search on like, what are the most, like, because you don't, you don't sort of think of extinct animals also being on film, do you? Yeah. But there's, it's wild. And it's probably the most, I mean, it says shame that there are some, but that's the most exciting one because that's a very exciting looking animal. But so what do you, they're trying to clone it.

They're bringing it back. Whoa. Don't call it a comeback or do call it a comeback? It's a farewell tour. Are they going to write Tasmanian tiger in big letters and dress it up in a little leather suit? Yeah, absolutely. He's going to go to Turkey. He's getting his hair line done.

He's going to come back. You'll have fresh little chombers. Everyone will be like veneers. He'll be like just a lot of hydration and exercise. Yeah. Just the most fearsome veneers you've ever seen. He'll be back. He'll be back.

Yeah, 100%. He's getting broken and then reset just so it's slightly longer. Nice. He's going to hit his little face with hammers. He's a toxic male. I forgot about that kind of guy. I forgot that was a real thing. I love when men hit their face with hammer.

I think it's beautiful. They're so close to getting it. Stunning stuff. So that's my first cryptid is the thylacine. That is a cool. that is a I mean that is a cool animal what how what are they going to like it seems so unrelated to so many different things it seems like because I think like with with the cloning of extinct animals like I believe they're trying to bring back the mammoth but they've obviously got the elephant to work with oh everyone wants to bring back the mammoth but I want an underdog stapling carpet to a to an elephant but they're using that to kind of they would use it a lot of element and a live elephant as the mother kind of thing presumably what could they use for a face and then you're putting mods on yeah classic is the tasmanian devil a thing or is that just a

cartoon no the tazzy devil is a real thing the tazzy devil is a real animal that's still around oh good is it in any way related to the tiger are they just from the same place same place they just know each other they know each other on nodding terms same same school yeah yeah oh like they're civil in the workplace, but, you know, there's deep beef there, I reckon. Yeah, they're probably slightly resent that they just get lumped together just because they're both got the same first name. Yeah, and they're like, oh, it's frustrating because on a panel, like, there's only ever one Tasmania marsupial, and it's like, who's it going to go to?

Obviously, it's going to the devil. Yeah. No, the Tazzy, the Tazzy Devil's a weird one. It's a creature best known for being covered in facial tumours. Hello. All right, boys. They didn't put that in the cartoon. No, no.

That was a really sanitized version. But also the cartoon owned the copyright to the Tasmanian devil. As a concept. Like as a phrase. And now there's a football team that's being formed in Tasmania called the Tasmanian Devils. And they've had to go back and try and get the copyright, which is a bit rough. Yeah. Could they pivot into the Tasmanian facial tumours?

I mean, look, as a football metaphor, it goes hard. Like, they're spreading everywhere. There's two. Like, you looked over there's one. you look back, there's two. Suddenly every man is marking every cell. Yeah, like there, it's sort of like a war of attrition over the AFL field. Yeah, the Tasmanian facial tumours.

Perfect. I love. I don't know that much about Aussie rules football. So that was a unintentional, excellent metaphor. No, you crushed it. You absolutely crushed it. I think there should be more medical analogies when it comes to like sports analysis. Yeah.

So, I mean, that's a good, it's a cryptid of sort. Are people still saying they see? it that it is an extinct? The thylacine? Yeah. There are thylacine sightings all the time. People are convinced that, you know, he's just, he's just gone to the farm. Sort of like Elvis.

Oh. Yeah. It's like, yeah, it's like two-pack. Like when Elvis went off to that farm because he bit that kid. Yeah. And they were like, Elvis, you've had enough. We know you are. I'm going to put you on a farm where there's no more children to marry.

No more. Oh, God. Yeah. Nah, pour one out. pour one out for Elvis pour out a hot cup of cholesterol just what daddy would have wanted oh dear

just a whisked up banana and peanut butter deep fried sandwich yum anyway that sounds like something I'll enjoy in Scotland surely oh absolutely another another beautiful cryptid that we are taught about from childhood

in Australia is the bun yip have you heard of the bunyip I've heard of the bunyip but I don't know what a bunyip is. I don't know what to picture. The bunyip is like a little water spirit that lives in like mangroves and swamps.

He's like an abject figure of horror. And if you gaze upon the bunyip, then like you are forever changed. That is, that's the bunyip's law. What does it look like? Or I suppose from that description, many people. Descriptions differ, but sort of like, I imagine the bunyip

I imagined him as a child as like a scraggly little sort of goblin with like a hair and like maybe three eyes but I think I think he's just like I think he's just like a bit of a beasty sort of a golem and cousin it

had a kid that's why I yeah yeah yeah so yes a hairy little gore a hairy little gollum a hairy little gollum and I was doing I was doing some research on the bunyip in advance

of this and I found um I remember I read a poem about like the bunyip just kept getting all these like uh it kept like popping up in poetry in a lot of like Australian poetry and like this the idea of this thing that's like living out in a body of water completely bereft of human contact and like very lonely. And so I found a bunch of, I found a bunch of poetry. Would it be, would it be insane if I read poetry?

Is it too soon in the podcast for poetry? I'm famously not a, not a poetry fan. So you can, you can attempt to convert me. I mean, if it's a limerick, I'll be fine. Okay, or it's not a limerick. I'd like, how many stanzas we talk in

and does it rhyme? Two stanzas and it rhymes. Okay, this is good. This is a drive-by, this is a portion. I'm not doing the whole. whole poem. That would be crazy. That would be a bit much. That would be one for the extras. All right. This is The Bunyip by Douglas Stewart. Dougie Steen. This is in 1946. A classic,

a classic. Golden red, the gum trees glow, yellow gleam the ferns. The bunyip in the crimson pool believes the water burns. The little frogs they call like bells. The bunyip swims alone. Across the pool, the stars are laid like stone by silver stone. Now you might not be a fan of poetry, but I think that's lovely. I can very much picture the scene. We've done it, boys. We've visualised. It's kind of a golden hour, and then there's a hairy little gollum.

Beneath the water. Misunderstanding reflection. Just a poor understanding of refracted light, and that's okay. It happens to the best of us. Exactly. We've all tried to get that cheese out of the pool at night time, but it was the moon. So that's my, that's my, that's my. second Australian cryptid.

That's a lovely one. Beautiful bunya. Have you heard of the kappa? It is a Japanese cryptid, which is also water base, lurks in pools. It has a divot in its head, which is full of water. And if you can trick it into, and if that water comes out of that divot, it's kind of rendered powerless until the water's refilled. So you have to, but what the thing is, they're very polite. So if you bow to them, they bow back.

Water spills out. And water tips. Cappas. neutralized, but you do need to neutralize them because the thing they most desire, they like two things, cucumbers and a thing called the Shidicodama, which is the pearl in the human body where the soul resides, and that's found in your anus. So that's what they're after.

I don't know if the cucumbers help with that or if they just use them for sustenance. Oh, there's no way they're unrelated. There's absolutely no way. They also are repelled by farts, which is useful, given the circumstances. That's rough. That's like being a crane operator who hates heights. That's rough stuff. Exactly.

Wow. The Kappa. I love that. I went to Japan for a week, like, a few months ago. Oh, yeah. And there was a beautiful shrine that I went to that was like a cat shrine. And you could buy a little cat and lay it at the shrine to thank all the cats that you've in, like you've encountered during your life.

Not an alive cat. Not a full on cat, not a real cat, a little porcelain cat. Oh, okay. No, I'm sorry that I would have, no. But not animal trafficking here. Yeah, that seems, unless it's just the same cat and they're reselling it and reselling it and it just gets a nice little cuddle and a lie down,

then that would be quite nice. He's like, no, don't sacrifice me again. Oh my God, guys, don't lie me down. I'm so embarrassed. But you're fine with cats, like, they seem fine with getting sacrificed, fine, we're getting sacrifice, and then suddenly they turn and they're like,

do not sacrifice me. Yeah, you get nine shots and then they're like, okay, fellas, we've run out. That was too near the belly. No, it was a really beautiful, it was a really beautiful story about this little cat. Like, you know the cat statues where they have like a little paw up.

Yeah, the lucky cat. Yeah, because this, oh God, I'm going to absolutely butcher this, but this guy was wondering, through a storm trying to like navigate through the countryside getting absolutely hailed on rained on stormed on and then he saw a little cat and a little cat raised its paw and it led him to the shrine to safety and so that's why a lucky cat raises its poor nice it's trying to lead you to safety yeah how nice is that well yeah because that's what i found that that um in east asia

that the beckon is done that way round like hand kind of thing. It looks more like a shoe away to my Western eyes. But yeah, it is done that way. So, yeah, that makes sense. I did not realise that. It was beckoning in. It's beckoning you over.

I thought it was just going for a fist bump. Pre-COVID. A pore, please. Use the correct vernacular. Yeah, that was actually quite incestive of me, massively. Yeah, unbelievable. And I thought I was a cat ally. Yeah, you thought you were a friend to the felines.

They won't eat your face, surely. You're one of the good ones. Mine literally goes from my eyelids already while I'm just asleep. Wow, the thinnest giblets. Okay. It tries to, we've now got a system where, well, a system. We now make sure all the doors are shut downstairs so he can't get upstairs. And because when he could, he would come up at like four in the morning and just get one little claw out and just lift an eyelid.

I love that. What a sadist. That's beautiful. Just like, yeah, feed me. Feed me. That's so good. It worked out that that works. Anyway, do you have another cryptid?

Any more cryptids? What have I got? Wait a minute, let's go back to the drop bear. This is not. Let's finish on the drop bear. What is a drop? It's not, is it? It attacks backpackers.

Yes. Mostly. Is it a full-sized bear? They can grow pretty big, yeah. Like panda or red panda? Oh, no, split the difference, I reckon. Mm. Um, sun-faced?

I think that's, that's the other type of bear. It's like the Umarmy of bear. The one that there's, I always have been there all along, but we never heard of it. An underrated bear. The Solange Knowles of bears. Exactly. Yeah. We're not saying that Jay-Z's ever met that bear.

Jay-Z and that bear have never had an altercation in an elevator. Imagine, if they were both in an elevator, there would be an altercation. I'd hope so. And then you just get a woman and you're like, which would you prefer to be in an elevator with? J. Z or this bear? And the woman's like, Jay Z, are you serious? He seems like a nice guy. I'm sure that was just a misunderstanding.

Yeah, I think drop bears, you're looking at around a meter in height. Right. Like if they're on their legs. They tend to mostly just hang out in trees. And they don't just only attack backpackers, but often they will attack people who are lost walking by the themselves. They don't like flashes. They don't like flashes on cameras. So I think that's maybe where the backpacker thing has happened. Right. Because they're taking selfies. Well, I mean, but even like even the old school, the old school camera, you know, any reflection off glass and

light, sunglasses, phones, cameras. They don't like flashes. Buckles, carabiners on a backpack as well. Yeah, I mean, lesbians are being absolutely decimated as a population by drop bears. So there's real... Are they being to the carabina scene? I did not realize. Lesbians? They love a carabina. That's our whole thing.

Wait a minute. Do I know what a carabina is? Wait. A carabina, it's a little metal thing that you hang off your belt loop. It's sort of like a joined up question mark. Yeah. Yeah. Like a climbing thing.

Yeah. Yeah, that's a lesbian thing. Oh, that's a... Yes. Right. Confirmed. Okay. Good to know.

It's like we're not laughing, but we are. learning and that is so important. Yeah, so lesbian population, particularly vulnerable to drop bears. Yeah, anything, anything glinting can really get to. But not to falling off cliffs. So, you know, you take the rough of the street off. Yeah, right off. Yeah.

Yeah, drop bears, talons, a couple of inches long. I've never seen one. I've never encountered one. Is there one on film? Surely, surely the national film in Cern. archive's got something um but uh yeah i'd be i'd be fascinated to know like how many people have really been attacked by them i do think there is quite a concerted effort to let tourists know that like that that that there is a risk there and there is danger there and they should ask people if there

have been any drop-bear sightings in the area yeah absolutely like just just make sure you're aware just make sure you know um make sure everyone in the hostel's talking about it um forewarned is forearmed Exactly. Some of them four arms? Does some of them have four arms? Four limbs. Standard. Yeah, that's a standard drop bear.

Four arms, you're starting to take the piss a little bit. That's an insect. Because if four arms are two legs... Well, you've got there is an invertebrate. And that's also dangerous. Also going to get you. But the humble drop bear. Just two arms, two legs, no worries.

Big talons, big Some worries Triple threat Sleeping, crawling Jumping They love it Nice Yeah

That's beautiful So yeah That would be my third Australian cryptic Would be the drop bear The humble drop bear The humble It doesn't seem very humble It seems quite dangerous

I believe it's it Is it some sort of koala Or is it just again Related to the koala It's sort of like the missing link between the koala and the bear because the koala is not a bear. Ah.

Yeah, it's a marsupial. Hence the need for a missing link. Well, those are some wonderful cryptids. Thank you very much, Skel. May I score you? Yes. On these cryptids. So, first of all,

what we tend to do is we have a few different categories. First up, we'll go with the category of naming. So there were some good names. There was, well, didn't the, I mean, thylacine as a name. Phylacine, killer.

And Benjamin, was Benjamin the name of the thylacine? I think that's just what they called the last one. Benjamin the Tasmanian tiger. It's such an erudite name for like a feral beast. Beautiful, beautiful stuff. Yeah, like when people give their dog like a name that includes like a royal title. Oh, like what? I used to know a dog that was called Lord Oro and that was,

a shortening of their full name. And that dog had a lazy eye and a tongue that never went in. Wow. So like the Royal family. Just looked like had a bit of ham hanging out his face all the time. That's wretched. I hate that. I think there is a royal that they occasionally take photos of in the back of

limousines that looks like that. Oh yeah. I feel like, yeah, the British tabloid press is really, they've really nailed that photo. They've nailed that photo of like, man slumped in back. Hapsberg chin just absolutely Chewing down

a proud Hapsburg chin The Master Race Not a chin inside Little ham out the corner of the mouth Nothing wrong with that And we got the bunyip Which is a lovely name Also Tasmanian Tiger has wonderful alliteration

Stunning And the drop bear And then the drop bear The weakest of names I think But it does, it warns you about what's going to happen. It does what it says on the tin. It's going to drop and it is a bear. Boom.

Yeah, I think this is pretty decent. I'd say, I'd say it's a three out of five though, because we've had three. Okay. Yeah. I'm not very good at scoring. Alistair's more, more judgmental than I, so I'm trying to. Wow, you're the kind and you're the merciful one? I'm good lawman.

Oh, no. The long hard arm of the lawmen. You don't want me to get Alistair in here. Listen, just... No, don't tell Dad. Just fess up. Look, I'm standing up for you. Anyway, the second category is supernatural.

Now then. I'm a bit concerned on this one. Yeah, I'm also concerned. I think... Because you've described two real animals. They are real animals. No, no, no. The bunyip, that's proper cryptid.

That is a proper cryptid. But here we are, here we are at a crossroads of cryptid. Is cryptid supernatural? Or is cryptid, if cryptid is real beast, cryptid is not supernatural? Does the Bunyip have any supernatural powers? Not really. It's more of a sort of, it's like a, it's like a seal, like, gremlin, hairy beast in, yeah. Yeah, he hosted the voice over here for a little while.

Kiss on a rose. Yeah. Stunning stuff. No, it's like an apparition, I guess. It's not quite spectral. Yeah, I think we might be failing on the supernatural count. And for that, I am really sorry.

I feel like it's a terrible first impression, but... And the other two you've described to real animals, definitely real animals. Yeah, they are, they are. Yeah. Zero out of five, I think, is so fair. I think I'd give you a one for the bun yet. I'll give you a one for the bun yet.

I think I've essentially described three threats that you can encounter in the Australian wilderness. Yes. So what's your third category? Safety first. Safety first, I reckon. That's good sound advice. Especially when entering such a dangerous biome as Australia. You've got the Tasmanian tiger, 120 degrees of jaw.

Terrifying. They're reanimating it. Is that what the comeback tour is going to be called? 120 degrees. 120 degrees of jaw. Wait, isn't that Russell Crow's band? What? Isn't Russell Crow's band called?

I'm fact-checking that, sorry. No, it's... Oh, no. Oh, God. It was called 30-odd foot of grunts. Oh, fine then. I mean, you can see how I was confused. 30-odd foot of grunts.

Yeah, 120 degrees of jaw. 120 degrees of jaw. Terrifying stuff. You've got the bunyip luring you into body. of water. It's the ghost. Like an ugly siren.

Changes you forever once you see it. It's the ghost of deep water from English, well, British information films from the 1970s. Give it a little Google later on. British information films from the 70s and early 80s were, what they did, what they would do is they, it was in a form of a version of therapy,

I guess they would just terrify you into not doing a thing. So it would be like don't play in a grain size. and it'll graphically show a child drowning in a grain silo. And there was one called The Ghost of Deep Water, which was like this hooded figure that lurks near ponds to drag children to their doom. Oh my God. It's a miracle you guys colonized anything.

I cannot believe it. The Australian version featured Rolf Harris quite famously, so similar vibes. Oh, yeah, I watched that doco a week ago. Grim stuff. Um, uh, oh, dear. No, I think our biggest cautionary tale around water was just, do you know the Prime Minister Harold Holt?

Ah, yeah, I've heard of this from Australian podcasts. Did he really? He did. Well, I mean, conspiracy theory, yeah, yeah, yeah. In conspiracy theory, he was captured by the Chinese and put in a submarine. Most likely, man swam on a full stomach. And that happens to the best of us. You got corner rip pulled out.

He was immortalized with the Harold Holt Memorial Swim School, which is still out there. And a comic I know is actually like he's sort of recreating piece by piece in a virtual reality, an animated version of the Harold Holt Swim School. Stunning stuff. So yeah, I think that's our cautionary tale. I was just kind of get the image out of my head of a child drowning. grain. That's so funny. I mean, it's not, obviously, but... Don't play with...

Don't play with kites near power lines and stuff. Yeah. If you just Google 70s, UK information films, I'm sure you'll get... I love it. You'll get fair warning before you visit. Of all the dangers of grain silos I might encounter. Exactly. Wow, beautiful.

And then finally, drop bears, obviously, like, massive, massive risk to visitors. Exactly. And any locals who get cocky, essentially. So yeah, safety first. Safety first. These are all massive threats. Yeah, huge.

Yeah. This is good. This is good. I think this is absolute five out of five for safety first. Thank you. That is, yeah, a perfect example. Needed that. I needed that to come back from Supernatural, to be honest.

It was looking, I completely forgot the difference between a cryptid and a supernatural thing. so that's on me it is it is it's whether the cryptid has magical properties which is that's where because like you're um your yeti you're a you're a sosh watch um yeah we call it a yowie you got yeah we you got you got abominable men in australia too dude everyone's got abominable men every country it turns out they've got everywhere no the yowie is the Yowie is another Australian crypted. And we have, we had a Yowie chocolate for a while. Yeah.

Cracking stuff. I should have put it on my list, shouldn't I? Yeah. Retrospect, retroactively, I'll get, I'll slip you another point on, on naming. For the Yowie? Because that's a great name. Stunning. But I would like to check, I would like to check what supernatural powers that my, the Yawi has.

I'm going to have to look that up. On death, does it teleport to another dimension? like the American version. Oh God. No. I think the, the Yowie is just... Okay, fine.

Okay, fine, then. Great. Right. No, no. He's just a big fella. But he's been around for ages. He's sort of like the love child of it, of cousin it and... Cousinit and...

No, no, no, no. Separate. Oh, yeah, okay, cool, cool. I thought you're going to say they were... similar guys and I was like... No, they're half siblings. Yeah, related. On Notting terms.

They meet up a week after Christmas. Yeah. Now, they both go for a mysterious, like, walk halfway through Christmas and come back red-eyed and just a little bit more relaxed, you know. Nice. Beautiful. All right. Well, I'll take the extra point.

Love that for me. Take it, take it. Thank you very much, Scout. And wait a minute. One more time in Edinburgh, the assembly rooms? Yep. With the show that is called. God's favourite.

Oh, very nice. And what time of day is that? It's 4.20pm. Nice. Yeah. Very nice. It's all right. It's all right.

Oh, hell yeah. Anyone, if anyone brings me a Yaoie chocolate, I don't know if they sell them in the UK. I've never heard of them. They're in the shape of a Yaoie and they've got little foil on them. So if anyone brings me a Yaoie chocolate, I'd really love that because I'll be homesick. That'd be nice. The only, they do, you do, you can get timetams here now.

In the last 12 months, we've, I'll be slamming a timetam, 100%. The timetam embargo has been lifted and yeah, you can get timetams. Some specialist stores might serve you a veggie mite, but it's marmite all the way, baby. Yeah, horrid stuff. Well, at least we can bond over yeast spreads if nothing else. And that's so important. So important. Exactly.

Thank you very much, Scouts. That was wonderful. Cheers. And please do check out Scouts show in Edinburgh. And if you do, tell them Lawmen sent you. Yeah? Beautiful. Perfect. But not during the show, after the show. No, no, call out. Please, please.

Stand up at 17 minutes in. So 437. Yeah. Nice. 437. I'll be expecting a couple of hands up. So there you go, Alistair. I think you might have learned a lot there. I have. I mean, obviously, we just recorded this straight after the intro, so I haven't listened to it.

But yes, what a great episode. Thanks, Scout. It was really fun. Thanks, Scout. Go check out their stuff, as they are going to be in the UK for a bit. Ooh. Because they're going to be in Scotland and London. The two parts of the UK, the main bits. Yeah, the two good bits of the UK. Absolutely screw the rest of you. Oh, and Manchester. Oh, yeah, the third good place. Thank you very much, DeLorenz, for editing this episode.

Thanks, Scalph, for coming on. Cheers, Lawrence. Thank you, Scouts. Thanks, the listener for listening. Yes, actually. And, hey, give us some reviews in the places. Go and type out a little review with your fingers. And beware, the drop bear.

That's what they say when you enter the Arctic. Don't fart, you might need it. Do they? Is that a big sign like last service station? Don't spit you might need it. I think is standard graffiti in the desert. Ah, when you approach the desert. I think that's a stock, stock gag for deserts.

I assume there must be a cold version of it. Yeah, that checks out. Well, that's a little tease for the next episode there, isn't it? Yeah, yeah.