Loremen Podcast - Loremen S7Ep28 - The Spectral Vicar of Deddington

Episode Date: August 6, 2026

You find yourself in a vicarage in the Cotswolds. You've no company but the tick-tock of the many clocks. But wait! Is that the rustle of a book leafed through by an unseen hand? Is that a cough and sneeze from the empty library? And hold on... who is that brushing your hair?!? From a disembodied hand in a drawing room to some spooky boots in The Paddocks, these ghostly tales might just inspire you to frame a horse for murder. Join the LoreFolk at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠patreon.com/loremenpod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ko-fi.com/loremen⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Check the sweet, sweet merch here... ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.teepublic.com/stores/loremen-podcast?ref_id=24631⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ @loremenpod ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube.com/loremenpodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/loremenpod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.facebook.com/loremenpod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Thank you. Bye. I'm James Shakeff. I'm Alistaird, I'm Alistaird. And boy, oh boy, Alistair, I've got something local, to me. Whoa, to you. I've got some at regional. That was unintentional Chuckle brothers.

from me. Carry on. It was an unintentional chuckle, bro. No chuckles are deliberate at the course of this episode. Umber, oh yes, because this is the tale of the spectral vicar of Deddington, or because he loved clocks, which is the worst name. Great subtitle. Fantastic. Like the Shakespeare ones, there's one which of the subtitle is, or what you will.

Alistair, though. I've got a story to tell you. James, though. Yes, what is it? Well, it's from the village of Deddington. Great name. Off to a good start. I wish I'd visited. I've never visited. I've seen it on road sign. It's D-E-D-D-D-I-N-G-T-O-N. It's not as foreboding as it sounds. There is also, of course, the slaughters around this area of the world.

Yeah. The upper and lower slaughter collectively signposted as the slaughters. Brilliant. Which does sound deadly. but I've got a chilling tale of the ghost of Reverend Morris Frost. Morris Frost. Yes. Is this Morris, the Americans would pronounce Maurice?

Yes, Suitsu as the song would have it. Yeah, absolutely. Space Cowboy, Morris Frost. The Reverend Maurice Frost, who died in 1961. Well, go ahead then, speak with the pompatus of love. And tell me. Well, he had a library in his vicarage. I don't know about the guy from the song.

But yeah, Reverend Maurice Frost had a library in his vicarage. I've always dreamed of having a library. In your vicarage? In my house. Yeah? Well, of course, I mean, what child didn't grow up dreaming of having a library? I don't know, probably the jocks. Yeah, I suppose jocks probably didn't.

but maybe then a library of sports almanacs. Yes, and match day programs. Yeah. But yeah, a library with either a revolving bookcase or a revolving fireplace, please. Oh. And a globe with something inside it. Oh, definitely.

I think that's within my power to get one day one of them globes with things in them. Because, actually, yeah, you're in a position, James, where you could probably afford a globe with a drinks cabinet inside it. So why don't you? What's stopping you living the dream? I don't know, actually.

That's a great point. Can I just apologise to James' wife and family at this point? That's the thing. It combines my two great loves. The world and secrets. And secret drinking. Yeah, well. I'm really glad I've encouraged you to take this step.

Mm-hmm. He was also, Alistair, quite the horologist. Oh, yes. By which I mean, he had an extensive collection of clocks. Clockmaster. Because horology is the worst name of clocks. There's no word. I thought there might be a word, like library for books,

like if you had a bunch of clocks, like a collective term. But there isn't a hororery, maybe. Yeah, that sounds a bit like aurora. so it could be confusing. I'd also like to have an aurary added to my library while we're talking. Is that the bone thing? No, that's an ostiary.

An aurory is the planets, one of those machines that might as a model of the solar system. Oh, hey, you know, they are all on the same plane. The solar system? Yeah, apparently they are, mostly. I thought that was just done for convenience, because books were 2D. But finally you saw a pop-up book and were like,

What? What? What? Yeah. Oh, there's a eclipse next week, by the way. Yes, I've already got my eclipse glasses. Have you? Yeah.

We're going to go out to Greenwich Park. I'm actually doxing myself here, because this will go out before that. We're going to go out to Greenwich hang around near the observatory where we hope maybe we'll be able to see it. But it could easily go down behind a building. What time of day is it? It's sunset. That's the thing. So you need to be, if you're in London, as we are, you need to be high up to have a chance of seeing it.

I'm actually writing that down. So it's sunset of the 12th? Yes. There's a partial eclipse in the UK, but a full eclipse in some other countries. There was a partial eclipse last summer, a real, real slight partial one. Yeah. Like just click the corner. I think I took a photograph of it.

I didn't look directly at it, but I took a picture, stopped down. Didn't even look at the photo. Wouldn't even look at it. No. I respect science too much. I respect the sun. I did the thing where you poke hole in a piece of paper. Ah, a pinhole camera.

And put it and project it onto another piece of paper. And I always thought that was well silly. And that would never work. But it totally worked. It worked. I feel like we've talked about this before because one of the things that annoyed me most as a child was watching a TV show where they demonstrated how to do that. And they punched a hole which was about the same.

size of a hole punch hole, so about three or four millimeters across, and then showed what was basically the shadow, the shadow of the paper with a hole cut out. I'm like, there you go, I'm projecting the sun. You're not projecting the sun. That's just a circular shadow. You're not going to see the eclipse at all. But if it's a, it's got to be a pin hole. So I poked a pin and I thought, well, that can't be an exact hole. That'll be well rough, like, to microscopic level. And I projected it onto the paper and there was like a little divot. It was a circle with a little divot in it. And I thought, well, that's just a bit of the thing.

Yeah. And then I rotated the paper and the divot didn't rotate. Yes, because you were focusing. I should never have doubted you. You were focusing the rays of the sun. Exactly. Oh, but can you do that with a sunset? Is it?

Well, I suppose it might be less bright. You probably should be able to. But yeah, the angle is going to be the issue, I think, in London, because we got buildings and stuff. London famous for its many skyscrapers. It is. Anyway, back to the vicar. Well, back to the story of the ghost vicar,

because this was covered in Ghost and Witches of the Cotswold by J.A. Brooks. Some absolute classics of the Lawman Library that I do have, but it's in plastic boxes underneath bed. One is just a map wrapped around bottles of alcohol, gradually papio mashing itself into a globe. It's an A to Z that I put in front of a bottle of cheap whiskey. That's the... Very glamorous. Do you remember that cover?

Oh yes, lovely cover. Spooky skeleton scarecrow with a snazzy hat and jacket. Yeah, really cheerful looking skeleton. Terrifying that. And front and back exactly the same. So did you ever have a... Did you have a scary cover book when you're a... a kid. Yes, I think I must have mentioned the compilation version of the Usborne Book of Ghosts,

etc., etc. The one that was all three had a skull on the front and spine, so it had to be shelved spine first. Yes. Like that skeleton. Exactly, exactly. There was a TV series called maybe the silver, silver spider? The snow spider? Snow spider. That rings a bell. That was very scary. And there was something about the cover of the book that really used to freak me out. Yes, I remember when I was a bit older reading it, just picking up in a school library. And there was an 80s version of it that was really spooky. I can't find a spooky version of it. Oh, yes.

Is it the one with the boy pressing his hands up or maybe a girl? No, it's not even that actually scary one. It's the TV tie-in one. The Snow Spider, now a magical TV series by Jenny Nimette. Nimmo, or I got confused with the M's there. Something about the lady really frightened me. I think because the boy looks a bit... So I just need to describe this cover for the listener.

There's no spider on it for the first thing. Secondly, there is a boy who looks really bored to be having his photograph taken and a perfectly normal looking middle-aged woman in hiking gear and a hat. And that is what frightened you. Yeah, she really freaked me out. I'll put that image on the YouTube version. I hope it doesn't get taken down for being too scary. But, yeah, terrifying.

Something about that. I don't know. That lady freaked me out. I think maybe I, because it was on my little pirate bed, which, as we've discussed previously, the pirate bed, it's the bunk bed for only children. Yep, the lonely bunk. Yes.

The lonely child's bunk bed. So it had like a pull out where the ladder thing was. It sort of pulled out to have a desk so that the only child could get on with his schoolwork because that was his friend. Maybe right to pen pals. Yeah, maybe have a go. And I'd keep it on there, but I had to turn it over because something about that lady freaked me. I think maybe I just saw the face on the way to bed and then had a nightmare and that was a face in a nightmare or something. Yeah.

But she totally Derek Jacobied me. Are you also afraid of Derek Jacoby? Is that the other piece of information? I'm also afraid of Derek Jacobi, yeah. Right. I mean, eagle-eared listeners will remember, eagle-minded listeners will remember my Jacoby fear, which comes from me thinking he was Mr.

Jee, thinking he was Mr. Magicka when he wasn't. Right. Who's Mr. Majika again? I don't know. Not Derek Jacoby. Maybe it was that woman. It is also covered in paranormal Oxford by Ross Andrews. it's covered in Haunted Britain by Anthony Hippers Lee Cox

Great name, yeah Let's not forget his two great loves were ghosts and sausages sausages, yes I bet he gave such a squeal when he first saw a vice first Do you know what I mean, the German white ones? You think he might have thought it was the ghost of a sausage? Yes, yes, that's exactly what I've got written here in brackets because it looks like the ghost of a sausage

Because you thought I might not be able to understand what you were getting at. Just in case, yes. Because of vegan, you might not know what a sausage looks like, never mind a ghost of sausage. Yeah, that alone the ghost of one. And it also features in my own personal spooky Bible, folklore and mysteries of the Cotswolds by Mark Turner, which eagle-minded listeners won't need reminding.

Eagle Memory listeners. I got this when I first moved away from the big city to the countryside, and it was like I would sort of tick off in my mind the places we went. I'd look up whenever we went to visit a little village. Like a spotter's guide to the supernatural. Yes. So it's a much, much told story.

It is. Now, Alist, we have touched upon Deddington before. we have mentioned that there is a force on the road from Chippin Norton that causes cyclists to dismount. Yes. Could have been a hill. The Deddington dismount. The Dettington dismount.

In 1954, the Oxfordshire Folklore Society suggested it was some sort of unseen elemental force, which I think is gravity. And is a shoe. Maybe wind? Could be. It's assumed it's a kind of magnetic pull, which is pretty much gravity. But I'm not sure. It must be something more than that.

It can't simply be a hill. But the old vicarage, or as Reverend Maurice Suisse Swizzo Frost, would have known it as the vicarage until he died in 1961. Or maybe afterwards. Because? Because? Remember those books and clocks? I do. They continued to receive his attentions after his death.

I mean, that makes it sound like he was cracking onto the clocks, but carry on. Well, books were found moved around shelves, and the clocks were always wound and working. And what do you need to wind a clock, Alistair? A key? But from a specific key, you need a hand. Hands. You need hands. Because Ross Andrews in paranormal Oxford describes that a ghostly hand was seen in the drawing room. Again, what do you need to draw, apart from a pencil?

You need a hand, James. You need a hand. Also, bedsprings were heard to creak, and there were coughs and sneezes all around the house. There's also, apparently someone brushes your hair if you sit at a certain table. What? Yeah. That is creepy behaviour for a vicar. brushing a stranger's hair.

That's too intimate. It's described as being a maid brushes your hair if you sit at a certain table, but they've never been seen. So it's like, how do you know that's a maid? How do we know? It's not the vicar. Could have been a vicar.

And then a relative of the vicar removed the books and clocks and the ghostly sound stopped. Mm. So, yeah. Do we think they travelled with the books and clocks? I think so, yeah. Or was he just reduced to just brushing people's

He just got into brushing hair and coughing and his cold cleared up, I guess. There is another house in Deddington in the paddocks that is called The Paddox, and that had a spate of hauntings in 1948. Five people saw ghostly figures. Dear did lit it, dear didlid, at five, the householder saw a shadowy figure of a man at the end of a bed. At four, the sons saw a man walk across their shared bedroom. The shared bedroom of the sons. Noticing a bed theme.

Feels like these ghosts appear near people who are in bed. And there were strange noises from the loft. Uh, dirt and litter. A three, a daughter saw a man in a lounge suit. Oh, that's not a bedroom. That's not a suit for a bedroom. It's not a slanket either. It's a type of suit.

Um, walk across blocking the light. from the window. And daytime, presumably daytime. Presumably daytime. Wow. Or brightly moonlit. At two, a guest slept on a mattress on the floor, and in the morning they asked

what had become of the pair of tall boots they felt on the floor by their mattress. Alistair, don't look for those boots because they weren't there. There were no tall boots in the house. Wow, ghost boots. Maybe they were the ghost boots of, At number one, in the same room, a family member was looking in the mirror and a man's

grinning face appeared. Yeah, terrified. Ah, hate when that happens. I don't even like it when it's my own grinning face. Oh, me too. That can scare me. Does it scare you? Because when I was a kid, I would smile into the mirror until it sort of formed a rictus

smile and then terrify myself and then I would be terrified and then I'd have to run away. Is that just me? or did you do that too? Well, I had a different, I've discussed this before in stand-up, I had a different relationship with my reflection, being an only child. It was my companion when I watched the telly.

Your reflection was? Yeah, if something funny happened on the telly, I'd like, look at the mirror and be like, oh, that's really sad. Well, you know, I'd just hop up onto my pirate's bed, not look at the cover of that book. and just go to sleep. Just pro love and go to sleep.

Just sort of cry myself to sleep. Most only children really enjoyed being only children. And most of them are sort of happy to have got all the, you know, everything's about them. But not you, James. Oh, no, not I. As I've said before, I put the only child in very lonely childhood. Great line.

Thanks. So, yeah, that was the paddocks. Or, as maybe it goes, would have known it, the Stables. Because it was found... What's the difference between a paddock and a stables? A stables is a building and a paddock is a fenced off area, is it? Yeah.

Right. Because people later found that the house was built on the site of stables where a man was kicked to death. By a horse? We've got to assume it was a horse culprit, I think. I think some places do say it was a grumpy groom. Really? And a bad-tempered horse.

And the horse reared up and kicked up. You could easily frame a horse, couldn't you, by just wearing horseshoes yourself and then kicking someone. Yes. Like nailing horseshoes to a cudgel. Yeah, because they're not, because they're not, because they're saying, oh, it's horseshoes. They're not going to, they're not going to check whether it's the exact same horse shoes. They're not like fingerprints. Yes.

You could even take the horses shoes you used and nail them to the horse. Nail them to the local grumpy horse. It's all like a horse that had a vendetta against that groom, perhaps. Yeah. The horse had probably been in the pub saying something like, Oh, kill him earlier in the wig. When the barman said, why the long face? Well, it's this groom, actually.

He did come in with a long face. I realize now when you say a grumpy groom, you mean that the horse kicked the grumpy groom. I thought you meant that the grumpy groom caused the horse to kick a third party to death because he was so grumpy. Oh, really? And his grumpiness boiled over into murky. murder.

As he groomed the horse, he rubbed the grump into him. Murder by horse. Murder by hoof. All great titles. He whispered the horse. He whispered about the other person and turned the horse against him. The horse gossiper. Yes, this is great stuff.

This is gold. Mid-summer murders get in touch. Yes. You know, I'm local to you. James is already there. He can start setting up the tripods and stuff. Exactly. I could start casting around for local grumpy horses.

So, Alistair, those are the ghosts of Deddington, mostly the ghostly vicar of Deddington. A fine selection of ghosts. Or the spectral vicar. What do you think is better? The ghost vicar or the spectral vicar? I think spectral vicar. Spectral vicar of Deddington that liked clocks.

The ghost that loved clocks and brushing hair? He's some kind of clock-loving, hair-brushing, horse-kicking vicar. I think the horse-kicking is separate. I think he might have kicked a horse. We can't say for sure that he didn't. Well, I mean, he died in 1961, so he may have some surviving family. So perhaps we shouldn't sland there. I'm not saying he kicked a horse.

Definitely. I'm saying he just could have kicked a horse. It's just slang anyway. A horse-kicking vicar. That means it's a good thing. Yeah, that just means a really good vicar. To people of my generation, that just means cool. Yeah.

It's horse kicking. That's what I would say about some pogs, for instance, or a push pop. Or a great sermon. Yeah, exactly. You know who the original horse kicker was? Jesus. Yeah. Mm.

Yeah. Makes you think. Mm. But hey, what about when there were only two kick marks on that horse? There were five kickmarks on us when Jesus joined in with his special cudgel with a horseshoe

gaffer tape to it so that he could get away with murder and blame it on the local... Oh, so we can accuse Jesus of fake horse murder framing Yes, because he hasn't got any family alive nowadays famously.

With living relatives, okay, a bit of a double standard. There's one rule for vickers. One rule for... A rule for semi-fictitious historical figures and another rule for real people who we might meet. Yes, yes.

Yeah, that's a good point, actually. Anyway, after that reverie, should we score this tale? Are you ready? I'm ready. Let's do the scores. Okay. Names?

Deadington. Very strong stuff. Deadington. It feels like there were a lot of names. You mentioned lots of books and lots of folklorists. Yeah, I mean, they're the ones. That's not more quantity over quality.

J.A. Brooks. Hippersly Cox. Hipsley Cox, very good. The slaughters, of course, is very good. Both of these have come up before, but I still think they're strong names. The Reverend Maurice Suwitzu Frost. Yep, absolutely.

Space Cowboy Reverend Morris Frost. Morris Frost is a good name. Either way. It is. Yeah. The Paddocks. That's it. Yes. the groom who was kicked in the paddocks.

That sounds good because it sounds euphemistic. Yeah, that's kind of it, really. Yeah, I think it's a warm three. A warm three. Nice, all right. A toasty three. So second category is supernatural. Oh, I think perhaps a ghost brushing your hair

is the most genuinely creepy thing we've ever had on the podcast. Yes. In every sense of the word. It's pervy. It's supernatural. It's very horrible. It's intimate. I feel like it might be,

it might just, just having your hair brushed by a ghost might be four out of five on its own. Do you think it's a ghost brush? I was wondering, because it would be much scarier, it would be much more Hollywood to see a ghost lift up

from the vanity table you're sitting at and brush your hair. But I think it'd be more unnerving. It would be more chilling to just sort of feel the bristles. What do you call them the tines of a brush? I don't know. I don't know.

But, Alist, I think I'm about to blow this case wide open. Yeah. What was the culprit of the ghost at the other place? Oh, it was a groom with hitting people with horseshoes. We conjected that bit. But what do grooms do? They brush. They brush.

Don't they? Yes, they brush a horse. So, now the grooms. It's the ghost of the groom brushing the hair. It's popped over to the old vicarage. Alice, I'm going to live, live see how far a haunt it is from the old vicarage. Good, because we know the ghosts are usually limited in their range. They don't like to commute.

Okay, okay, hold on. Oh, Deddington's technically in Bamboree. Fiend of the show. It's not as quick as I hoped it would be. Right, direction. Right, I've got the Vickridge. We're going with directions to, what was it called, the paddocks? Yep.

It's a nine-minute haunt. A nine-minute haunt? A little haunt jaunt. It's just a nine-minute haunt down the crossroads. That's nothing. Yeah, okay, okay. Case blown not necessarily wide open, but ajar. Oh, nice one, okay.

Four out of five. Thanks. Oh, speaking of four out five, there's Deddington Castle. Dedington Castle's just there, 3.6 stars. Archaeological area with the earthworks of an 11th century castle, open to dogs on leads. That's it. Who's leading the leads? No, not necessary. They can run around, do what they want as long as they're wearing a lead.

The third picture that comes up, Alistair, it's a dog. It's not on a lead. What? You're admitting to crimes. In front of the internet. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Okay.

Third category then. Highly sprung. Highly sprung. Okay. Because the bed springs. I can get the bed springs. There's the bed springs. How do clocks work?

Oh, they're sprung, yes. Good. These kind of clocks are based on a spring mechanism. Yes. Very good. Some of them are. And the grumpy groom. probably quite highly

strung, or the horse was, at least. Yes, the horse certainly would have been. If it wasn't Jesus that murdered him that time. And that idea of having a ghost brush of hair really played on my heart springs. Boing. If that's afraid,

boing, yeah. Yeah, three. Okay. A scratchy three out of five four. Fine. Highly sprung.

Fine then. Final category. Dead dead, dead chilled. Dead dead chilled. Dead dead chilled. Dead dead chilled. Because Alistair. Mm.

Reverend Morris Frost. Frosty. Frosty. Old Rev. Frosty. Rev. Frosty, he's coughing and sneezing. He's got a cold.

That's two colds already. Well done. And also, I was, I, found the brushing of the hair quite chilling. Absolutely chilling. Spine tingling. And the man's grinning face in a mirror. Very chilling.

Yes. Also quite chilling. Cold-blooded horse murderer. Cold-blooded horse murderer. I mean, horse murderer? Murder-e? But in this case, it's the horse that's the murderer.

The horse is the murderer. Or Jesus. The phrase horse murderer is ambiguous. Is the horse the murderer? Or is it someone who murdered a horse? Yes. We just don't now. A psychologist.

We're not saying. Charles psychologist murder horses. But also, we don't know because if that person framed a horse, then the horse might then be executed or hang. Using the patented lawman horseshoe gaffed tape to a cudgel. Yeah, which you can buy.

Yeah. If signed the Patreon and we send you one. So there you have it. No. It was chilling. And I see five out of five. Yes. There you have it.

For dead, dead child. I'm not sure why he said dead twice. Just because I like to. Just for the rhythm of it. Yeah. Yeah, dead chilled. Dead chilled. There you go, Alistair.

That's the end of that. Thank you very much. I hope we haven't inspired any. Like if there's a spate of horses going to jail for murder. Yeah. No, don't frame a horse for murder. Just remember, we are doctors, but we're not murder alibi specialist. So if you do wish to do a murder,

like I don't think you should, I don't think you should. I don't think you should. No, don't. That's it, actually. That's the end of that sentence. Don't do a murder. Definitely don't frame a horse for it by using horseshoes. Let me just reiterate, using horseshoes to commit the murder,

and then nailing those horseshoes to a horse. Yes. Horshoes, go after tape to a cudgel, take them off, and then affix them to a horse that had a motive. And you know, yeah, yeah, you need to choose a horse that has a motive. And you know the way people ginger up a horse to make them enthusiastic? There might be other herbs. On behalf of red-headed people, that's not cool, man.

No. I think there might be other herbs that you could put up a horse's bum that would make it look chifty. I think most herbs are definitely. heavily a thistle. Put some saffron up there. Might make its eyes dark left and right. And then...

Like an action, man. It'd be very expensive. Yeah, okay. It doesn't have to be saffron. Chinese five spice. All spice? All spice. As discussed...

Not all spice. That is one specific spice. It's not all the spices. What a lie. All right. I think that's tailed off nicely. Yeah, I think so. There you go.

scary, scary stuff. And also, yeah, we really don't want to be responsible for horses going to horse jail. There's probably a few little bits of bitty bonus at patreon.com forward slash lawmen pod. And if you go there, you can also access the lawfolk Discord through that. And thank you very much to the people that already do do that. At the time of recording Edinburgh's on. If you go into Edinburgh, check out some of the lawfolk that you see there. And tell them as well, then that, uh, it's, uh,

It's because you heard them on to law, and it is nothing to do with their individual prowess as stand-up comedians. Yeah, make sure you make it clear that you don't respect them as comedians and you only like them as guests on our show. And it's simply a box-ticking exercise. Also buy Alistair's books. Oh, yeah, that too. But again, not to enjoy them.

Yep, just as a box-ticking exercise. That's why Jesus went with donkeys. He was worried, he was worried about the horses. Couldn't control himself around a horse? Just kick it. Maybe he did high kicks and that's why it had to be a little donkey because they'd know his kicks would go over the top. Yes.

Whereas if it had been a horse, it would have landed right on the flanks. Is he just doing, are you imagining Jesus doing spinning roundhouses like a row or can? Yes. I imagine him doing spinning roundhouse kicks, yeah. Cool. Cool. Me too now.