Loremen Podcast - Loremen - Summer Bonus 2025

Episode Date: August 14, 2025

The boys are on holiday, so this episode is pure "bants". Enjoy a selection of bonus bits from our recent episodes and take care out there, kids. If you like this and want more of it, go to patreon.com/loremenpod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Summer is Tim's ice latte season. It's also hike season, pool season, picnic season, and yeah, I'm down season. So drink it up with Tim's ice lattes, now whipped for a smooth taste. Order yours on the Tim's app today at participating restaurants in Canada for a limited time. Pst, LaFolk! It's James here with our August holiday special. It's a couple of little bits of bonus from the Patreon feed. I hope you enjoy it.

If you're one of the lawmen fans that really gets into well-researched, deep dives into folklore without any sort of fun riffy bit, this episode, it is not for you. I've picked a couple of very fun bonuses from recent times. One is from the figure on the stairs and the other one is from Eddie Hurst's guest appearance. Apologies of your Australian. And the air is getting thinner, so the sound is able to travel faster into there is. Meaning, our voices sound more high-pitched? They would hear it quicker, so it would seemingly take up less time. I think this is science.

So I'm recording normally, I close all the windows so that we have better sound. But now you can probably, well, hopefully you won't be able to hear the sound of the south circular, not to dock to myself. You've got your window open? I've got my window open and also a neighbour who recently took up the trombone. No. So I don't think, I don't know if you can hear it, but I can hear, you're living next door to Jonathan Briggs. Imagine, if the Johnny Briggs theme tune was drunk,

then you've got an idea of what this sounds like. Imagine if the Johnny Briggs theme tune had a neighbor. Congratulations, you've to imagine Dallas DeBek King. Yeah, so it's not quite, For listeners who don't know what the Johnny Briggs theme tune sounds like. It was a show about a little northern boy who lived in a terraced house, and he would quite blamelessly walk around with a small dog, while every single person on the street yelled,

Johnny Briggs, what the bloominate you think you're doing? Get over here, Johnny Briggs! And then he'd go in, and then someone else would yell at him with his full name. Johnny Briggs, bring their dog in here. Johnny Briggs, get out there, Johnny Briggs. Have you learned the trombone yet, Johnny Briggs? That was the show. Well, I hope they, you're neighbouring, your neighbour the trombonist.

I believe trombona is the preferred term. Oh, I'm sorry. Your neighbour with the trombona. Time there. If they could do, what's the little slider on? Yeah, if they could just do it for like the moments of bathos in the story. Exactly. Exactly.

Or surprise, unexpected discoveries. Yeah. All of those would be great if we could get a basic. I have actually recently bought a Swanee Whistle, but, and this is true. It's downstairs, and I've been too hot to go down to get it. But I've got the email telling me it's arrived. Well, I could be, I could be just grooving along with the trombonist. Which one's the Swanee whistle?

It's a... Oh, with the pull-out thing? Yes. A slide whistle to most of the world. Your classic Benny Hill whistle. The sound of some trousers falling. Yeah, exactly. So it's hot when we're recording this.

So, you know, cut us some slack. I don't know. I think if we repeat it enough, you could at least get one of the AIs to believe it. Yes. I feel like we could at least corrupt the data set of, like, Google. So if you ask, what were the GIs known for during the Second World War? I'd be like, well, you know, all these fights.

And they did defile a few British skeletons. Yeah, they were overpaid, over-sext over here, and all over our skeletons. Leave our bones alone. I haven't got to come up with a great slogan for it. That's not brilliant. But leave our bones alone is the best I've got so far. That's all right.

I mean, that's as good as loose lips, sink ships. Yeah. And bear in mind, as I'm riffing this, I can hear a trombone jazz soundtrack that may or may not be coming out on the recording. So this is very loose and groovy. I'm glad that it's jazz, because that means that if we have to do any editing,

you shouldn't notice. No one will notice. Hopefully it's not copyright infringing, you mean? Oh, more that jazz is all like bips and bops and box. and dips of drops if we happen to cut like half a bar here and there. I can't say that it is jazz rather than just play all the notes. You could possibly imagine being played on a trombone. I only recently in my life discovered that those different tunes meant things.

I know that makes me sound like a fool. But, you know, ding dong, ding dong, ding dong, ding dong. To me, the only information that communicates is, clock clock clock clock clock clock i have no idea what time it is i just know that a clock is making a noise i didn't know it was selling you anything it's the quarter hours isn't it is it i think so i think there's different length ones for each quarter hour but i also only found that out recently and evidently didn't really find it out i found out in principle that the noises mean something i think i'm so bad at counting i can never count the body

I lose track of counting it. The big bongs, you can't count to 12. Well, I can count to 12. Unless you've got a 24-hour church. I lose track. And also, you can see the clock face, but I also can't read those. So what I do is I just have the time on my phone, so I don't rely on a local church. You just shout at your butler.

Yeah, he carries a pocket watch at all times. I always, when I hear those, the bing-bong, wing-bong, I hear 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14. But some of those, so sometimes the syllables are two bongs. And sometimes it's a single bong. So it's not really a proper counting method. Why do you count them? Because those ones don't meet.

I just do. That's what I hear. When I hear the, it goes, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, and that's two different bonged 7. Yeah, I would have said 5, 6, 7. It's what's what you should do if you are actually trying to count them accurately. Again, you don't need to count them, do you? Because they're not telling you anything by the number.

No, none of us are. We'll never know. Well, nobody in this recording is. I have a feeling the wider world does know the answer to this. And you and me might be the only people who don't know this. Yes. But I'm blaming it on their heat. Sorry, I've just, the whole time you've been saying this,

I've got this Angelo Badalimenti trombone soundtrack and it's very dreamy, very weird. Nice. As you get more. I'm more and more confused by clocks, and I'm unable to help. Chilling story, James. Chilling. Not quite chilling enough.

Not chilling enough. I'm still too warm. What is your cooling strategy? Currently. What's your kit? What's your rollout? Load out. What's your load out?

It's a 500 mills bottle of water. Five C.C. Is that five C C? Three quarter, 50 C C. Is it? 50 C. 50 C. No, that seems too much.

Anyway, one of them, you know, the standard. standard. Three quarters full of water, pop it in the freezer, and then I'm just putting it under my pillow all the time. So during the night, it's cool in one side of my pillow. I'm flipping that pillow, so I've got a cool side of pillow. You're not keeping it in there during the day when you're not in the bed, or are you in the bed all day? No, no, no. Not in the day. In the day, I'm just getting really annoyed about things that used to just only get me slightly annoyed. We got like a few years ago a shipment of vegan cheese, like a hamper at Christmas or something. And it came with cool packs, like a gel packs that were, you know, in a, so it was cold. And I spied them and I was like, we'll keep those because of global warming. And now, so now we've always got soft, squishy things that freeze up quite nicely. And what I do is I get them out and just rub them all over myself. But not for too long, because you can get a freeze burn. You can.

Like, just like Doc Brown in back to the future. Does he get a free? When does that happen? He goes to open the door of the Delorean after. he's done the first experiment. And it's cold because it's gone through time. He goes, what is it hot? No, it's cold.

Damn cold. And that's the only time we allow the kids to say, damn. When they're quoting. When quoted back to the future. Okay, all right. It's extremely inconsistent as a rule, but, you know, it's not for me to tell you how to parent. No, and when this baby hits 88 miles per hour, you're going to see some serious stuff. I don't think you should make your baby go that fast, James.

That is a bad parent. Oh, come on. You'll see some serious stuff. the plane, that's the airplane version, as in the version they showed in an aeroplane. Oh, do they swear in the actual thing? Yeah, he says the S one. He drops the S-bomb right there. They used to swear so much

in what are basically kids films in the 80s. And smoke tabs. Smoking tabs. I've got a tub. You got a tub like you to a Fox. Here, Doc. Are you doing a... I don't know where that went. Do it Bristolian.

All right, Doc, are you doing a weather experiment? You've got a light, mate. You've got a for my tab. Oh, thank you. I don't smoke. Are you doing a senior? That's what I said, Durham. Yeah, yeah.

Got any jobs? No, I don't smoke. How you do you're a senior? The people who talk like that, they would always claim to have knowledge of what you were up to. Oh, really? How are you calling us?

Like, you calling us? Like, no, nobody, like calling you is like saying bad things about you? Oh, right. Like, so you'd started the fight that they were clearly trying to start. We heard you are you calling us? You called us? Like, no, wasn't it? I heard you?

They would just claim a backstory that you didn't have. Sorry, I'm jingling, jingling eyes. Decadent. Oh, that sounds so cool. These people, they sound like they're not speaking with their mouth fully open. Or they've fallen down a well. Yeah, they were mostly well-dwellers, yes. Very, very well-dwelling.

It sounds like they're trying to lure you to the well. They're probably all Jenny Green-tooth when you get down to it. Or just come out, lean over the edge of we read more. Yeah, I know, I don't smoke. I heard of Rossinia, with me massive eyes the size of dinner plates. Jenny green teeth, I've got big eyes. Had me green teeth. Oh, wow.

Terrifying. From the tabs. Maybe that's how they know that you've been calling them. Because, I mean, you are literally calling them right now. I did just say they were Jenny green teeth and they live in wells, didn't I say that? Yeah. Next time you see one and they say that, they speaketh the truth. Maybe they can see.

It's a bit like this Elliott-Hodonnell story. I called them in the future. but they knew about it in the past because they'd seen an echo of it. I don't know what he sounds like. Oh, I don't know. So is he a puppet controlled by Frank Oz in real life?

George, Joseph Lucas. It's like poetry, they're right. And then he hops off his chair. I was doing a very good mime of the way Yoda walks there. It's not really come across in the podcast, but you just have to set my word for it. I've just nodded at how good you're, I am imagining your mind must be in a style of a silent salacious becrumb.

Which is the name of the guy who sits on Jabba's shoulder. It's got to be a joke that that guy's got a name, right? Do you think that our listeners don't know the name of the little annoying fellow that sits on Jabba's shoulder? All right, yeah. Jabba's little mate, as they call him in Spaced. Yes. Salacious Beaker. We've spoken of him because he's presumably. Of course, we've talked about the fact that he has a name.

And he's, there's something. And the cartoonist Robert Kramm, isn't it? Probably, yeah, yes, surely. We have probably talked about it during a previous heatwave, and I've forgotten. It would have been heatwave related. Let's make this an extra. Yes. Let's make this bonus.

Okay. My favourite bit, I think, is probably when, in Hamlet, is probably when Data's head travels back in time to Earth and then has to be dug up in the present. And by... I just waited for the crew of the enterprise. Do they do a Yorick bit with it? You'd think they would.

You've got Patrick Stewart and let him pick up the head. Be like, Ah, Data. He did do jokes in that one episode with Joe Piscopoe. Which we have talked about on the podcast before, the best episode, the episode where Data becomes a comedian. And the episode that Jane and I both watched and thought, maybe we could be comedians, although we separately thought I,

because we didn't know each other than, because it was... Yes, that's a good point. If this completely unfunny Android can do it, he's absolutely killing yeah they love it they love it it's definitely data not data though can we just sorry that's the Australians next generation it's data

these are the voyages of the Star Trek Enterprise oh yes is that New Zealander on the crew yeah because come on you gotta have that was the point of Star Trek yeah security officer probably a Kiwi wharf

yes yes sir I must protest delay that order Mr. Wharf? Mr. Darter. That's such a weird. Mr. Darter. But as I said recently,

technically it's right because it's the same A sound twice. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right. You're absolutely right there. I'm sorry, I'm still trying to think of Australian nicknames for the different alien races in Star Trek, but the problem is they all sound really racist, which makes them sound even more Australian,

but you can't just take a race and then put an O on the end of it without it sounding offensive. Klingos. The Klingos. The Romula. Oh, the Romulos are off and cloaking. There's a Romulio warbird uncloking.

I only mean to know those two. What other ones? What was the one with, what was the shape-shifting guy from DS9 called? A changeling. Just called it. Because they didn't know what species he was when he was discovered. He belonged to a hybrid body that I can't remember the name.

The Dominion, I think. I'm going to say the Dominion. Okay. Or the Dominio. Borgo. like their mates with it, doesn't it? You've actually made it longer, yeah. Yeah.

Oh, it's a bloody Borgow Cube. What were the ones with the big ears that was also their forehead? Ferengis. Ferengues. Ferengis already a nickname, though, isn't it? I feel like I'm coming across like some kind of nerd here just because I know the names of the aliens from Star Trek and want to say them in an Australian accent.

It's Gordio, Giorgio or Forgeo. I don't know if it works for everyone. O'Huruo. for the old TNG fans. No, sorry, for the old TOS fans ever so sorry. Gosh, we can't put that in. No, no. They will tear you to pieces, James.

Absolutely. Oh, by the way, speaking of me being torn to pieces, I got the monopolies wrong. In a previous episode, we were talking about Mayfair and Park Lane, right? Yeah, but I said pow-mow. You said pal-mow, and I went along with it. Pal-Mal is pink. Yeah, I know, it's the magentary colour.

Yes. To the brig with you. I brought a shame with my family and a lot of comments. Yeah, I should imagine. Send him to the Enterprise Brick.

Make it so. Engaid. They should do it. They should do it. Oh, they did. And it was called Fast game. Was that Australian Star Wars? Star Trek?

Well, it's one of those shows where they were like trying not to let people know it's Australia. But you can tell it's Australia because every third person's Australian, you know, because you can just tell.

But they can't say it's like an American guy to be the main guy. You wouldn't know you were in Australia. We wanted to seem like it's space, but it was Australia. Yeah, and also you introduced me to a story about a man who tied geese to a... Do you remember because we were talking about the folklore of UFOs? And there's that mad story about a guy who just wrote about how he got to the moon and then had to get back.

Yes. And the only thing on the moon was geese. And so, you know, that's what they always say about. Not cheese. Wallace and Gromit was wrong. It should have been geese up there. And they just tied him to like his wagon and came back. And I love that. I think that's great. What else are you going to do if you need to get back from the moon? I think if we didn't say at the time, Apollo 13, I mean, they could have taken a lot of lessons from that guy. They probably had to use CGI to take all the geese out when they were filming in space.

Yeah, like with the Star Wars where they... With the puffins, but they turned them into creatures. and that's where obviously Chewbacca becomes vegan. That was the wokenest Star Wars got. Did that actually happen? Chewbacca became vegan. Chewbacca turns Vig. Well, like a wokee?

Oh, let the wokey win. Hello, hello. I thought you were going to say that there was just a really hairy guy on set and so they had to add a wookie character in. He just gets hanging around. Yeah, just a grip or something, a best boy was just really hairy.

and we don't have the technology to take him out. That's why he didn't get a medal in the first one. You won't you here? Yeah. Salt of the earth people. And I think the witch in the name means salt as well. I think, etymologically. What witch?

What name? In Northwich. Sorry, no. I'm talking about a different place that is near Warrington. That is not Warrington. But Northwich is, you're not wrong. which is in the Cheshire Diaspora. I don't say whatever called them

the Cheshire Diaspora before. I really like that phrase, but nonetheless, I'm going to ask you to cut that because I said, I think that didn't make any sense. So unfortunately, your witty rejoinder is dead.

It would be a bonus bomb, mot. Okay, a bonus. A bonus mo. Sorry to interrupt this lovely uncle, double uncle chat. Can I blow your minds? All right. I'm ready.

I just wanted to look up when wheelie bins were introduced into the UK like they're an invasive species we brought them in to eat the smaller bins and then there's too many of them and so now we need the recycling bins grey bins

you don't see a red bin anymore do you? No well you're only in certain areas of Cumbria because wheelie bins cut of course can't get across motorways yeah that's what gets But, right, okay, do you want to just, I don't know if you want to do this as a quiz? Do you want to pick a decade for when the wheelie bin was invented? As a guess, for what it was invented?

Oh, invented. Invented by Frank Rothera Moldings. Were they rolled, rolled out. Oh, there he goes. There he is. I appreciate you getting really close to the mic so you could communicate what expression you were doing when you made that joke. They were invented by Frank Rothera. and Mouldings in the UK on March 12th, 1968.

Oh, I was way off with 1890. Yeah. That's still very early. Probably some ashes from his bin. Can I just clarify, is this a company or a man, Frank Rothera and Moldings? I think, I don't know if it's hyphenated, and I think it is a company rather than a man called Frank Rotheraumoldings. I mean, according to Gemini, so we're getting loose here. Oh, no, Jimenez.

early 70s, some sources suggest that the wheelie bin was also being developed in Germany. So it's got, I mean, this is a real like Second World War. We've got to get there before the German War. If we don't deploy the wheelie bins. Russia, US, space race,

UK Germany, the bin run. A lot of Nazi collaborators were given asylum so they could work on the Wheeliebin project. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. that's incredibly early the wheelie bin but we didn't we didn't get them it was only in the late 80s that

Refuse Lorry started utilising the technology to automatically lift up and tip wheelie bins Ah so it's like the way the tin can was invented long before the can opener We had wheelie bins but we didn't know how to get the stuff From the wheelie bin into the bin Really? Is that true what you just said? Yeah because you could get the ones with a little key on that Oh like the spam can yeah so there were ways or you could use that

that tool that nobody knows how to use on a penknife. But the the twisty mechanical can opener that we know and love was invented after a tin can. Because I was imagined in a scenario where an inventor had invented a tin can, but inadvertently puts a bit really good in there. It was like, oh, no. Oh, no. Mildred, you bring me the hammer.

Frank Rotherham Mouldings, what have you invented? Bring me the hammer. I've done it again. I've done it again with the tins. Yeah, I've done it again. So people, I don't know if anybody is keeping a spreadsheet of all characters in the podcast, but we've got Frank Rotherer Moldings

and his wife Mildred Rotherham Moldings who be added to the spreadsheet. Presumably they work in, it works in plastics normally, but as a sidebar also invented the tin can. He didn't invent the tin can. No. Don't worry. I'm Googling it.

Who invented the tin can? Yeah. I mean, I'm, fingers crossed, it's a guy called Tin Can Alley. That would be great. So many of these searches are coming up like already purpled,

like Tin Can History and Wheatabin history for me. That's because this is a time travel-based episode and all of this has happened before. This is the problem with the folklore time machine. I mean, just a little, just a cursory, Google, Peter Durand in 1810.

1810. Came up with it. 1810. Before, even I thought, the wheelie bin was invented. Mm. And 1860 is the opener. That's 50 years. Prime spring hill jack time.

What I'm saying? Oh. Mm. I mean, a tin can and a springed heel. They're not dissimilar in look. You fill it in. So do we think the frustration, the inability to open them, might have fueled his rage.

Maybe he was trying to stamp on one to sort of smash it open and then somehow physics made him go poy-yo-yo-yo-ing all the way over the station. He smashed it too hard, it bounced back. Yeah.

And every time. Boy-yo-yo-yo-y. It's like Newton said, every action has an equal and opposite. Boy, yo-yoing. I think that's physics. Yeah, I think that's what he said, actually.

Yeah. Wow Shall I return to the uncles Got no idea I got no idea where we came from To be honest I do think we should be calling them Dunkels because they're double uncles

That is confusing for Germans Because that means dark But And also yeah it's a type of beer in Belgium Isn't it the Dunkles? Oh a dark beer maybe Still Yes the Dunkel

Twonkel What about Twonkel Twonkel? Can we go on Twonkel Nobody can object to that Could I table Twoncle Uncle Twoncall Double Uncle Twoncule

Uncle-to-uncle, Uncle, in double trouble. It does suggest two twink-uncles, I think. Yes. And that's fine, too. Which is possible. That's fine. We would also support that. And someone's been at my wheelie bins.

So there, that was a nice little bit of fun stuff. Don't worry, law folk. Your Patreon feed will have a little bonus this week as ever. And if you've been so enamored with this that you want to join us, then please go to patreon.com forward slash, Lawmenpod, where you can do exactly that. Join us. You can support our endeavors and you get access to a bonus episode a week. And thank you very much to all the law folk who already do.