Loremen Podcast - Mid-season Bonus: Ride-along 2: Carlectric Cargaloo

Episode Date: June 4, 2026

BACK IN 2022... we recorded another ride-along. And this one is a real roller-coaster. (The emotional kind. We remained safely in the car throughout). The loreboys went to Leicester for an awards ceremony and (spoiler alert) came back empty-hearted. Still, we had plenty of fun on the road. Content Warning: Attempted Northern Irish accents and River Tees-related misinformation. And there's a pun at the end that relies on you knowing the "s" word. For new bonus bits - go to ⁠patreon.com/loremenpod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How can working at your local Tims take you further? Sure, you can level up your teamwork skills. You also get a chance to receive a Tim Hortons Scholarship Award. Ready for what's next? Apply today at careers.timhorins.ca. You're listening to the award-losing podcast, Lawmen. Yeah. With me, Alistabek-King.

And me, James Shakeshaft, the driver. And I, the passenger. That's quite cool. Yeah. There's a song about that. There is. And there's a film about a driver, I think. It's like the film Drive?

Yeah. Oh, and taxi driver. Oh, they're all a bit edgy, these drivers. You want someone who just reading maps offering you a spear mint polo or something? Driver Miss Daisy. Yeah. And the driver was the good one in that because she was quite racist, at least at the start. Yeah.

I think he turned around figuratively and literally because he was the driver of her car. Yeah. Yes. Yeah, this is a second ride along with the Lawboys. I don't think there is anything related to the first one. So you don't need to have listened to the first one, but you can for complete it, if you're a completist. You don't need to listen to either of them.

Oh, good God, no. But you can. Oh, yes, you can. And please do. Is there anything that people need to know for context for this? I think the context dual information is that we were going to at Leicester, with the gleeful hope that we might win an award in Lester. Although I think subsequent events, it should be clear that that didn't happen.

Yeah. We would really have mentioned it if we had won by now. You would know. You would know if we hadn't been trounced. So trounced as well. I don't think of ever been as trounced. But if you're sick of hearing from the weary, dead-eyed lawmen who know they lost, Now it's your chance to hear

from those youthful men we used to be a week ago as I struggled to disentangle a microphone cable Yeah And I struggle to talk and drive Oh no let's not put that in in case it is illegal Oh dear I'm very tangled in the cables

What's I've done? It's all right you should be able to Get free I guess Yeah I'm doing it Whoops James

We're in the car again We are No man I'm I've been watching the theme tune of the Sweeney Oh is that what that was Yeah

We're driving through Fake piles of cardboard boxes And nickin Rommans Oh my word We're by the National Space Center Oh That's way, that's two sci-fi for Desweeney.

We're going to Leicester again. Back to Leicester? Yeah. Yeah. What happened? We did a show at the Leicester Festival. Yes. And then it was, we got an email saying that it had been nominated for the best online thing in the Leicester Comedy Festival.

Not of all time. Not of all time. Not yet. That would have been Buffy swears. Do you remember Buffy swears? I remember Darth Vader swears. Not as good as Buffy swearing, sorry. No, Thundercat swears.

That's what I remember. Have you seen Tyside Tintin? Yes. I have, I really. Probably any of Tyside Tintin. I do like Tyside Tintin. Going back to it, it's very homophobic. Oh, is it?

To be fair, so is Tyside. So was Tyside, at least, at the time that that was. Anyway, I don't think. Tintin really took a stand in any way on that. I think as a boy journalist living alone with an older sailor, I think he's probably fairly broad-minded when it comes to alternative lifestyles and family structures. Yeah, that's true. And a scientist sometimes.

Yes. My kids have just started to get into Tintin and we've just been doing the secret of the unicorn and Red Rackham's Tray. pleasure. Oh, yes. And as Professor Calculus has made his first entrance. Acting the goat! Have you seen the episode where he says acting the goat about 19 times? No. It's a very annoying episode. Caculus, you're acting the goat! And he's acting the goat!

And then he says that, acting the goat! Acting the goat! And if you're annoyed by how many times I've said it, that is a fraction of the number of times he says it. I think there's a scene transition and he's still saying it. I quite like that. I think that is in the The Journey to the Moon episode. The goat episode.

The acting of the goats. It is the greatest old old time episode of Tintin. As if you'd let a teenage a guy to space. It's irresponsible. So we're coming into Leicester now. We're going into the city centre. And so we're nominated.

I'm nominated for a social media award on Wednesday. Are you? For the Chortle Social Media, the Chortle Comedy Awards. for social media against a friend of the show, Rosie Holt. Oh, yeah. It was brilliant.

And Alastair Green, who is not a friend of the show, enemy of the show. But he's also brilliant, also called Alistair. And the parody Boris Johnson Twitter account, which is an idea. Yeah.

Potentially I could lose to something that is just a concept, which is the idea of Boris Johnson. You can have to really keep a poker face as well if Alistair Green wins. Yeah. Unless you're able to discern the difference between the T and the D. I really hope they pronounce the T.

I was surprised that Matt Green wasn't nominated. But in a world where comedy is dominated by white men, you can't have two Alistair and two guys both called Green in the same list. So potentially I could lose a lot of awards this week. Twice in a week. Twice in a week. Whoa. The award losing.

I could be a double award losing comedian by the end of the week. I don't think I've lost an award. Have you ever lost an award? I don't think I've won one. But I don't think I've... No, I think I lost an award for a play I wrote about a clown. Once. Yep.

Was it a sad clown, James? A scary clown. Scary? Yeah. Scary clown. It was all about a guy that lived in a flat with a clown. Oh, yeah. And he was trying to sell the flat, but the clown just kept hanging around,

scaring all the prospective... That sounds really good Yeah, it was pretty good That sounds really good I wrote the part of the clown For me because the clown never said anything And just hung around looking scary He didn't have to learn any lines

Not one line at all Wow That's like He likes Sylvester Stallone with Rocky Did he not speak any lights I mean are they human words I think he says Adrian He does, yes

Is it like station in Bill and Ted They just got him making a series of vowel noises and they edited together most of the lines. He's actually really good in the original. From what I've seen. We don't have a lot of battery. We're six minutes into right along with the Lawman. The battery could die at any moment.

Oh, no. Should I save it? And then we can recap after we found out whether or not we were the best online thing since Bubby Swares. Yeah, do a little save. All right, we're recording. recording again, still hasn't happened.

If you're thinking that break was happening, I just saved it and we started again. Just in case, but this bit might get lost if we run out of Bato. Indeed. I was thought we could play the pub game, but I haven't seen a pub yet. You remember the pub game?

Yeah, yeah. So you win the number of legs that the pub has. Yes, either just in the words or visually in the sign. So the king's arms, there are no legs there. But the king would have legs. Well, if the king's arms include a unicorn and a lion, that's eight. Oh. So does it depend on what's on the picture?

Yes. Right. But that's like the next level. That supersedes the writing. If there's nothing, if your pub's called like the Duke and the picture is like just a big D, the letter D. then that would be two legs because the Duke has two legs as standard. Well, we just went past the South Fork Guest House,

which isn't a pub, but if the South Fork of a person is the legs, that's two legs. Yes, but it's not a pub, fortunately. But do you know where the pub game comes from? No. Well, I don't know where it originally comes from, but I think where I first came across it

was in, I spy on a car journey, with David Bellamy. With your friend of mine. What, your enemy and mine. Dave, with the D. David Bellamy. Climate change, deny, our David Bellamy. Is he climate change tonight? He was, I think.

Is he dead now? He died. I looked up after the live stream where we talked about him and didn't know if he died. I think I said rest in peace. You can say rest in peace to someone who's alive. For light. They could be tired. I mean, when you die, rest in peace.

It's not a threat. It's not a threat to say rest in peace to someone who's alive. Isn't it? So that's a KFC. We could expand it to include all buildings. Because then you could have the colonel from KFC. The colonel. Yeah.

He's probably got legs. He would have had two legs and probably a cane. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. I want to keep it pure. Okay. No KFC for us then.

I suppose a Burger King would also have two legs. But what's a McDonald? A farmer, maybe? Yeah. There's the Car Rainbow game, which is a... more of a collaborative game. We have to try and see a car of every colour. Of the rainbow song.

Of the standard rainbow, not the actual rainbow. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. The rainbow song spends way too long on the blues. There's about three colours in it, all of which are blue. Blue? Blue. Purple and violet and blue. Blue, blue, blue. Violet's not in it.

Isn't it? Purple and yellow and blue. What's yellow doing between purple and blue? They're all out of place. They're not in order. Red and yellow and pink and green, purple and violet. Orange. Orange.

There's no orange in the rainbow. Well, there's no pink. It's purple and violet and blue, isn't it? No, it's orange. Listeners resolve this for us. Who's right? What's violet even? Me or...

Oh, is that a pub? James Shakespeare. What's that? Okay, it is a Afro-Caribbean restaurant and bar. I'm not sure that count. I'm certain that it doesn't. Are you the younger, so you get first... Am I younger than you?

Okay, yes, I am, yes, yes. Okay, Salvation Army, that's no pub. I can see some buildings that clearly were pubs, but is now a car parts centre. I think the second half of the recording, when we have lost the award, is going to be more downbeat. It's going to even more downbeat than this, yeah.

At the moment, we're giddy with excitement. I don't even know if anyone else is going to be at the awards. because there is a pandemic still sort of happening. Yeah. And we've only found out on the way that it's supposed to be black tie. Oh, yeah. And James is wearing a denim tie, so that's inappropriate. No, it's just not black.

It's just very dark blue. But all blacks is very dark blue in clothing. Is that right? Is that how they make black? Yeah. It's very, very dark. Oh, look. Oh, it's the Statue of Liberty.

I didn't expect that. No. That actually is the Statue of Liberty. A smaller one. Pretty smug expression on the face there. Big arm. Really a dearth of pubs. Yep.

Not a single pub. The problem is we're actually in downtown. Lester now. So we're just not going to see that many pubs. Well, you'd think that's where they'd be. You would think so. But it seems to be abandoned garages. That's the little noise Jones makes when he commits a crime

the road. Not a full crime. When he veers close to committing a crime. Yep. Oh. And it would be fully recorded. So if we ever had to, through disclosure, have to hand over our evidence. Yes.

The recording, it was like, I present this noise to the court. Oh. Doesn't the sound like the sound of a man not committing a crime. That's the sound of an amber gambler. Obviously, the lawmen don't endorse just squeezing through on yellow. Whoa. Whoa. It's about how dangerous it would have been to break at that point. Sorry. Yeah, okay. It's easier for me to sit on my high horse and judge.

Yeah, because you've got a lot more maneuverability on a high horse. Yes. You can break a lot quicker and you can see the lights from further away. Me keeping up with you on the motorway all the way down here on that horse. It's been very impressive, but I don't think I'm getting enough credit for that. I think it's the horse that deserves the credit. Yeah, but I've been doing the steering. These modern horses steer themselves.

They just got cruise control on the horse. Yeah. It's just the parking that you actually have to pay attention for. Just whack the air conditioning on and relax. Now I'm going to have to dub the sound of horses' rooms under this in order to fully create the soundscape. We could buy some coconuts and just make a round. Should we leave it there and leave the intriguing mystery?

Yeah, we're three minutes away. There's no, not so. sniff of a pub. We haven't seen a single pub. We're nearly there. Oh. That's the sound of being breaking. Legally.

Legal breaking. All right. I'm abandoning the pub game. Yeah, I'm abandoning it, I'd say. Let's return after the ceremony. We're rolling. Shonky brothers. The name of that estate agent.

That's not reassuring it. No. Sorry, I'm just adjusting my mic. Don't say anything witty for a second. Okay. I don't. I'm not. I mean,

it's a surname I don't recognize, but, you know, read the room. Like, I'm not going to set up a scaffolding business. Or a mine.

It's called Shakespeare. On a fortline. Scaffleding or we call Shakespeare, Dangerous Mine. For anybody who can't put those words together. they're in their head. Yeah. Well,

we've switched the recording of immediately before seeing the only pub we've seen on this journey and it had a racist name. Yeah. So, it's just how it's dodged a bullet there, really. It had been cancelled, though,

or shut down. The pub had been cancelled? The pub had been, it was shuttered, I noticed. So, oh, so would that have counted for the game? No, technically, I think it does,

but I'd say given the slim pickings we've got here, that might have had to count, but then it turned out he was racist. And even the phrase Slim Pickens is a phrase that it sounds like a racist would say that. Don't you think? I'm talking about the actor. But don't you think he must have played a few racists?

Yeah. Okay, Bricklayer's Arms. Okay. That is a going concern. That's the first bill, Bricklayers Arms. So that's me, and I'm getting zero points there. No, what? Oh, yeah, Bricklayer's arms.

Arm legs. Yeah. And I can't see the picture. I think the picture is just the words the bricklayer's arms. which is a cop-out frankly. Yeah, the shingle. The shingle is purely textual. On both sides.

Right, off to a terrible, terrible start. First racism now this. That must have been a fun job being a shingle painter. Yeah, I would have lived it. Would it have been a full-time job, or would it have just been... I don't think you can make a career out of shingle painting. Based on the amateurish quality of shingle painting to this day, I doubt it's a full-time job now.

I'm not sure it ever has been. I've definitely seen some resting travellers who don't look that rested. Yeah, and a cricket is where it's just like a close-up at someone's heel. Yeah, I think I feel like anatomy isn't always the strong point of the shingle painter. The shingleist?

Yeah. Shingle-Smith. Shingle-Smith. Shingle-smith. Oh, shingle-smith. So let's put the listener out of their misery. we didn't win. Yeah.

I didn't think we were going to, but I'm still angry. I didn't think we were going to, but it's even just that very last second always gets me. Yeah. So I always think, maybe it could actually. Maybe they've gone mad. Maybe they don't understand. Oh, hello.

What is, is this is a pub coming up? The Robert. The 19 legs. The Robert Peel. The Robert Peel. The Robert Peel. The tape broke up slightly for us. second there. It's a Sir Rob appeal.

Two legs. A famously belegged man. Yes. I suppose the only real sort of famous person that you'd not want to get is that... Who's that pilot that lost his legs in the war? The one from Forest Gump. No, yeah. You don't want the Gary Sinise in Forrest Gump

Hub. It was one of the actors where you don't necessarily know him, but then you see him and you go, oh, that guy. And that guy is a baddie. He's going to be a baddie in this. Even though he's not a baddie that much. He's not a baddie in Forrest Gump.

He's not a baddie in... He's not a baddie in Apollo 13. But you still suspect that he might have had something to do. In a follow up 13, the baddie is space travel. The difficulties of space travel. That's a hard baddie to personify. The baddie is explosion. So we're now driving back from Leicester to the south,

from the Midlands, to the south. Sullenly. Furiously, cursing the names of other people who did online shows. I think some of them didn't even come to the festival to do their online shows. I think some of them may have done their online shows from the comfort of their own homes. What? And then had the arrogance to beat us. From the comfort of their own home.

Because they didn't even turn up. They phoned it in. The winner was the Marvel vs Marvel podcast, which you can listen to. on the internet. James, we're on the same track. I can't edit that out. I was thinking about someone. I was thinking about another...

I immediately magnanimously texted Will to congratulate him because he didn't turn up. If you're a fan of the Marvel films, then you should listen to it. I hate all superheroes. And then we got beaten by... I'm sure the podcast's very good. We got beaten by...

Does that make us super villains? Yeah, because we used to be friends, man, well, and now we're... we're mortal enemies. And yeah, this is my origin story. Would you have an elaborate name and costume and emmo if you're a superior buddy? I don't know enough about superiors. I fear that I'd probably come up with one that probably already exists.

What about... You'd just be super. Is there a super map? Is that really good? What about... I'm just looking around for inspiration. Do you have some... Skills?

I can detect salt purely by putting it in my mouth. Oh, yeah. Like if I put in too much salt, I instantly cough. It's an involuntary reaction to salt. Right. So if something else, he needs to know if something has salt in it, I just have to taste it, and I can tell you. And what will your weakness be?

Salt, I think, too much salt, because it's actually quite debilitating. Yeah, it'll kill you, give you a heart attack. It always bothered me the way Superman is weak to kryptonite, fine. and he can't see through lead. But surely you can see that you can't see through lead. So if you see someone carrying a lead-lined briefcase, two fingers, assume it's filled with kryptonite, hold it closed. Yes.

As soon as you, the villain's got a lead-line briefcase, closed. Yeah, get rid of that. Problem solved. Every single time. Stay away from anything that's lead-lined. I assume kryptonite is inside. Yeah, yeah, yeah. when you see

he'd need a pneumomic maybe for it it'd need a pneumonia yeah if it's encased in lead it'll make you be dead great

really good easy if you can't see through that's a clue what do you do get away hmm there you go

everybody else bothered about the old glasses disguise thing but we have found another extremely pedantic problem with Superman. In a lead line box closed up tight, you can bet your life, Superman, that's Kryptonite.

That one's metrically a challenge. It's not very mnemonicy. He mnemonics himself in the third person as well, weirdly. That's part of the culture on his planet. Yeah, yeah. They're judging him. Yeah. Well, no more pubs so far.

No. What was that guy with the, with the, he had metal legs. He was a pilot and he lost his legs and then he was really good at piloting because he didn't get G-forces as bad because he didn't have as much blood in him

because he didn't have legs. Oh, I don't think I know this person. What an extraordinary story. This is going to be annoying for any listener who knows the name of this person. When someone can't remember something, he's just shouting it. But due to the nature of time,

it's impossible for your words to get through. No. and I simply won't listen unless there's a nomomic. Do I have... I'm trying to stop myself from pronouncing that word correctly every time you say it. What? Nomomic. Mononic.

Manonic. Rachel can't say synonym. She says cinnamon every single time. I get confused between Billy Colony and a penal Connolly. Probably well done it there, haven't we? Welcome to the prison. Get in a hutton. Get your rags out in the field.

It's family's Connolly, Colony. Welcome to Billy Connolly. What did you? You stole a pig ten years. Oh, purple car. By the way, if we're playing the purple, the car game. That's one, purple. It's tough at night, though.

Yes, yes, it is. Just like you rarely get a rainbow at night in real life. And if you did, it'd be really creepy. A moon rainbow. Oh, it'd be like a David Lynch film. Well, you get the old... Like a halo. The halo around the moon.

Corona. But you can still say that red? There's a red car. Oh, nice. That's in your fake rainbow list, right? Red. Yeah, red and yellow and pink and green, purple and orange and blue. Pink?

There's pink in the rainbow? Yeah, that's true. The one thing you'd need to do when writing the rainbow song is, list the colours of the rainbow how do you get that wrong? Have a look at a rainbow don't just think of some colours yeah

a rainbow, yeah okay we use rainbow to mean all the colours but that's not what a rainbow is it isn't I mean it is quite well respected

it's not as well respected as the alphabet song but it is up there yeah but if the alphabet song had sort of L in it three times and missed out several letters you'd say

go back and start again. Why did we accept this as the final draft of the Rainbow song? It's rubbish. But how do you say mnemonic, then? I think it is pronounced. Nymonic. Nymonic? What was I?

Was I say nomomic? I don't know. I think we were in a robobembram situation. Several consonants jumping about. Rachel thinks you're dyslexic, because you do exactly what she does. What? with the way, well, only reading the beginnings of words.

Right. And mixing up consonants in places. I think then... She has no qualifications to diagnose you as dyslexic, but when she hears that in the edit, and she achieves me editing letters around to make it so that you said the word correctly. She says, I think James is sex-second.

Well, if she does exactly the same as me, I'm afraid to say I think she's lazy because that is why I don't get those things right, because I can't be bothered. With names in books, I just can't be bothered, because you know you're going to be reading it a load of times. You just recognise the beginning bit. You know, until Hermione in Harry Potter, it wasn't a problem.

I'll not care. I'll admit if it's Tolkien or something like that, I don't necessarily read the whole name. It's like a lot of asteroids. Wrenx went over my head. Because you didn't read the puns? Because I couldn't be bothered to read the puns. Oh, get a fix.

Yes. That's a got a grown-up joke. Yes. I wonder what the jokes are in French. They were talking about this on another podcast recently, on Kermode and Mayo, I think. They are, there are jokes, and there are joke versions of that in French, and the translators did a very good job in translating those jokes, apparently. I have always assumed they were less funny in France.

just because French is a less funny language than English. Is that the only reason? Not the only reason. Can I describe to you a podcast I was listening to? Because this is one of the extras. I feel like me describing other things I've listened to that I thought were bad could become a regular slot that we do.

Yes. So this is not a bad podcast, but I couldn't take it seriously. It's a BBC Sounds podcast about a man whose house went missing. Oh. An Irishman, Northern Irish,

he bought a house on the island of Torrey, also known as Torrey Island. At no point in the first episode, do they do a Tory island? I think he mean England. A joke. They don't do that joke. They miss it out completely.

And Tori is a remote island steeped in folklore. He bought a lovely house there. He made several documentary films about it. Then he went off to New Zealand for many years. and the podcast follows the story. It's a true story of him returning to Tory and finding out that his house isn't there anymore. Oh, it's just not there.

There's just a little tube sticking up, which is an intriguing beginning. And I feel really guilty about this. I feel so guilty because we could not take it seriously because it's one of the, the problem is that it's a documentary, essentially, but with actors reconstructing it, and they're being directed by people with no background in drama. So the performances are extremely up and down.

Not badly performed, but unintentionally comical. Because he keeps arriving. Basically, he just goes around everyone in the village saying, where's my house? Has anyone seen my house? My house has been stolen? And it's like printing out pictures of his house and sticking up a lamp post. Have you seen this house?

It's a small house. It looks, it's got a roof. And it's sewing a citizen. So he'll be like, I'll go and see Mary. I asked her to look after my house when I left. Oh, she's wonderful. Sort of the earth. You'll love her.

Knock, knock, knock. Mary answers George. Mary, where the hell is my house? You were just saying how nice Mary was and suddenly you're furious about your house again. And it's some, there's something, I know the accent is wrong, but there's something terribly father Teddy about the whole, my house has been stolen premise. Yeah, yeah. The other problem is that the actor has been asked to maintain the same intensity of lost house

throughout the lost house process. At some point it would start to sink in that what has obviously happened is that the bricks that made up your house have been stolen by someone. It's probably been turned into a different house. Yes. Yeah, that's, I'm guessing that's what happened. Unless I'm going to come, a giant came along with that thing to that. It could be, but it really, it made me, it's, I recommend,

listening to it, but I couldn't listen to the whole series because I found the pilot episode so funny, and then I felt really bad because it was about a man. We lost his house, but in a literal sense, he just doesn't know where it is. Was there a new house on the island? Mysteriously, yes, there was nothing. And then that episode, you're like, well, I think I see what happened here, or I can wait six episodes to find out if I'm right. But yes, mysteriously, there was a new building near his house, but hadn't been there when he left. his house was 24 and this one's 45 I see what I've done that

yeah also it's a stone house and they were like I'd burn down I fucking can't burn down why are you all lying so unconvincingly didn't think it'd come back for his house it just left his house at least the foreboding you don't want to ask too many questions about your house stop asking questions

some looking at those three garages stop looking at those footprints between where your house was and where the new house that obviously is made out of your old house one is the murmage the house that's exactly your house but slightly further

down the road I'm losing the accent quite badly down the road down the road also the accent is quite specific because it's like a weird little island so they don't have the accent that I'm doing. So I might keep that in, might they don't hit that out.

We're on the motorway now, no more pubs. Yeah, that'll be, well, misguided at best. Yeah, dangerous. You're inviting trouble that. Yeah. So this has been another ride along with the lawmen. It's lawmen. Lawmen.

I keep expecting you to join in-jointed. I don't know the Sweeney. You don't know the theme tune to the Sweeney? No, is it got John Thor in it? Yes, it has. It's one of those classic theme tunes where the music sings the words of it. You know the way they all, you know,

so it's like, it's like Sweeney, I think Tom Little has done a version of it. Yes. I think it was one of his early ones because obviously it's been written to say with the brass. Yeah. Sweeney.

Sweeney. Yeah. Swini Top Flank Squad Oh is that what it is? Yeah A bit of Coney Rhyming Slank They don't fly They have cars

Did they take web very fast? Americans might think that London had an airborne police Yeah They're Navy SEALs Humans Took me around to those what you're saying that I can't remember if this was my observation Or a tweet I saw

But there's an advert that's doing the round for joining the Special Forces in the UK where they've got a kid from Tyside saying, I grew up on Tyside, and where I went after that is a secret. Oh, you know, so, yeah, so it's like I've never slipped under radar. I've never done this, I've never done that, officially. I've done an awful lot for someone who's never left Tyside. It's something like that, it's quite dramatic, and you think like, well, a bit cynical of you to appeal to one of the most even,

economically disadvantaged part of the country, but you can't argue that's an effective advert. I think I'm also pointing out the problem with this is that is how everyone in Teesside talks when they're in the pub all the time anyway. Everyone in Teaside tells you that they're on special operations. What are you doing? I can't tell you. I'm not allowed to see it. Which one's Teetside? Which type size? That's T-side, T-side. So the T's, it runs into Sundland. Okay. We'll delete that if that's not true.

Right. The Times Newcastle. Right. And Tyne T's television was... Spans the region, yes. Right. Of course, in Durham, the name of the river? Can you remember?

Oh, is it the River Vibble? It's not David Bowie's favourite rhythm. Ah. It's the River. Weir. Oh, the weir, of course, the weir. Yeah. Weir.

David Weir. Why, is it the Weir? Is it the Weir on the Weir. You're not wrong. Where? And it has a, the river Weir describes a horse shoe around the centre of Durham. So it bends itself around the little hill, upon which Durham was built. So, well, no, a hill is not in danger if we're covering the Knoxville Lake.

Could happen in the future, I wouldn't rule it out, but it's that sort of situation, yeah. It's one of the Euroxbow Lake scenarios, but we're not quite there yet. And that's what makes Durham so defensible. What makes it such a good position for a castle? It's got the hill and it's got half of the two-thirds of it or have a natural moat around it. And not a stinky moat, which is nice. Not a stinky moat, no. Just entered Warwickshire, Shakespeare's country.

Shakespeare's country. It has a bear on the logo. His logo is a bear because of exit pursuit by a bear, I guess. That should be on the you're now leaving, Warwickshire. Yes. It should.

It should. A big exeunt. Do you know how to say that? You went to drama school. How do you pronounce the word? I can't even say monic. Excient. Excient.

Yeah, probably. I was thinking about three-year-old has started setting quizzes. for us. This is a problem because you know loads more than your three-year-old. Yes, but we don't... There's a power differential now. But we don't know what he's thinking at any one time. And that's what the answer is.

It's like, you know, when kids work out how to make out jokes and they just say things that they see. They get the rhythm of a joke. Yeah. But they don't know how they work. They don't know the mechanics of a joke. Yes. It's like that.

It's like if you feel about our podcast, it's a bit like that. Yeah. Yeah. So one of the questions was, what's a dog that's got poo in it? What's a dog that's got pooing it? Yeah. I should too. That's what I thought.

You can't know that. It was a poodle. A poodle, yeah. That was actually cool. That was the one that made sense. But although really, most dogs have pooing. Yeah, exactly. It's all dogs.

It's where it comes from. Yeah. some of the top poo producers. I mean, I don't need to tell you that, James. No. After, well, after children. Yes, after children. Again, I don't have to tell you that. You are our resident poo expert.

Any other questions? I don't I can answer them. No, I can't even remember the answer. It was just a train of thought, I think. No, I can't. That's very clever, though, that what dogs called poo in it one. Yeah. There was a lot, there were a lot of answers.

He asked, he asked his grandma. And I had to not say shit to him. Yeah, of, yes, good restraint. I'm trying to think if there are any others. Well, cockapoo's, I suppose. Cockapoo, um... Sausage dog, a bit of the stretch. Yeah, yeah?

I don't know that many dog breeds, I don't think. James, what if we go back in your house, isn't there? Oh, well, I'll go to door. where's my house where's my house where's my house at some point you'd be like I think we'd need to get a hotel

can we park the house search while we work out what we're going to do tonight let's wait till daylight it'll be easier follow the house's tracks the whole village walking across the boars with sticks

oh I need you to ask me a question I found out an amazing bit of information Oh, do you want me to tear it up? Yeah, you need to ask me, in the 70s, what was your dad's sofa made out of? Or do you want to guess? What do you think my dad's sofa was made out of in the 70s? In the 1970s?

Yes. What was your dad's sofa made out of? Yeah. The law? No. Leopard print. No. Oh.

Is it suggesting warmer? No. No, okay. Yeah, sorry. I realize now that was anger. Mm-hmm. I thought it would be leather print. Leather.

Leather seems like the unobvious choice. Yeah. But that was not what he made it so far. Is it an animal product? No. Okay. Is it upholstered or is it firm? Is it like a purely, it's like a wooden or a granite so far?

It was firm. It's firm. Mm-hmm. Completely solid, like mahogany. No, not mahogany. Wicker, Wicker. No, no. No?

Are you sure it wasn't Wicca? Yes. Bamboo. No. We're in a similar area to Wicca, really. I don't think I know. I don't think I can get it. Breeze block.

What? I can't believe I guessed granite. And it was breezeblock? Yeah. A breezeblock sofa? Yeah, the breezeblock sofa. What a hard man. And they made cushions to go on it, but it was still made out of stone.

It was still made out of bricks, basically. Yeah. I just That's ridiculous I thought a third of people making breezeblock shelves in you know in student digs

and places like that Yes but not so Never a breeze block so far Run home from school Jump on Oh my God I've broken my pelvis I think it maybe

started off with a straw one And then Replace that So the final results On the pub The pub game Oh yeah Two-0.

Two-nil. Yeah.