Loremen Podcast - S3 Ep16: Loremen S3 Ep16 - Chris Cantrill - The Bradford Boar

Episode Date: April 9, 2020

Edinburgh Comedy Award nominee Chris Cantrill (The Delightful Sausage) gives us the lowdown on Yorkshire's biggest pigs. This boy knows his pork and porcine lore! Meanwhile, James embarrasses himself and insults the North. (Neither for the first time.) We also learn why a Bradfordian should always carry a tongue and how Chris is handling lockdown with his in-laws.  @loremenpod www.instagram.com/loremenpod www.facebook.com/loremenpod @JamesShakeshaft | @MisterABK | @ToplessCantrill 

Welcome to Lawmen, a podcast about local legends and obscure curiosities from days of yore. I'm Alistair Beckett-King. And I'm James Shakeshaft. And today we are visited by the second half of the Delightful Sausage. He's all sausage. He is not delightful. It's Deputy Lawperson Chris Cantrell. Yes, just the voice of him.

We're still on lockdown. That's right. Chris joins us on what you will hear is a slightly dodgy line from his hot tub retreat in Cumbria. You might think he's joking. He's not. He's in a real hot tub.

OK. One, two, three. Done. Hello. Did you both clap? Yeah. You both came at the same time, so I didn't notice. Yeah, perfect. Do I sound the same timer to you, Chris?

Yes. Because you sounded after me to me. Don't try and understand it, James. I'm just one time. Just accept it. If I'm going to get anything out of this virus, it's understanding lag times. I don't understand it and I don't want you to understand it. I just think if I could understand it, it might help in

some way. James, tell us what is it like in the future where you are? It's the same. I'm a little smellier. Do they accept your body shape for what it is? Have tastes

changed? Still no, still no. I've got a bit of a technical issue. Oh, yeah? Yeah, James, your voice sounds like double tone. You sound like a giant or something, like an horrible giant. Is that something wrong with the mic? Is this an actual technical thing, or are you having a burn at me for being tall? I'm having a go.

Oh, right, okay, yeah. You sound the same as normal, which is an horrible giant. It's a weird, weaselly sort of ringing sound, annoying ringing noise. Don't you talk to Al like that. Don't you talk about him like that. Don't you dare have a go. This would be the perfect opportunity for me to do my impression of Chris Cantrell. But it might be too confusing for the listener because it's absolutely spot on.

Do it at the end when I've gone home. I'll do it at the end. I'll save it for when he's... Yeah, I'll take any bits out that I don't like that you say and just replace them with me saying what I would prefer you to have said. Perfect. I didn't even... Why am I here?

Now that you mention it, all of that fuss was for nothing. It's a deep fake. But I suppose we should introduce Chris. Okay. Yeah. Chris Cantrell of The Delightful Sausage. Welcome to the Little Men Podcast. Hey, guys.

Thanks for having me. How are you doing? All right. Thanks, actually. We're surviving, I think. James? Yeah, I am. Bearing in mind that this is being recorded a couple of weeks before it goes out, as of the 27th of March, I am fine.

Yeah, you live in Oxfordshire with all of the Tories. If somebody in this chat was a true blue Tory, it is definitely James Shakespeare. You're from where David Cameron lives, is that correct? He lived on the outskirts of Chipping Norton in a place called Dean, which was near where the tip was. That was the only reason we knew about Dean, it's because it's where the tip was. And that tip mysteriously shut down when he became Prime Minister. Coincidence?

I think, I mean, I'm starting to put the dots together and the picture that I'm seeing, I don't like it. Me and Al grew up in skips we grew up in a skip the same northern skip it's one for all the northern kids was it a terraced skip and i tell you i tell you what we didn't have david cameron putting his stuff in it no i can't tell because obviously chris's accent suggests a lifetime of deprivation and misery. But I don't think you're any more working class than I am, Chris, based on knowing you and your habits and the luxuries you enjoy. I've obviously first met you two living in London for years. But in the last four years, i have successfully rebranded as northern

but in reality i mean i'm pretty manger through and through guys what are you working in an ad agency in london when we met we call it oop oop to ad agency working down ad agency the most recent video image i saw of you chris was you in a hot tub complaining it was too hot. Yeah, I'm having quite the pandemic. We've made some good, I think we've made some good choices, which I'm very cautious about talking about because I understand that it's a real tough time for a lot of people. But I am currently in a 10-bedroom guest house in Cumbria

with three hot tubs. So, Chris, have you brought us a story from... What is your hometown? Please tell the listeners where you're from if they haven't been able to tell from your, frankly, bizarre voice. Yeah, it's unusual. I am from the best city in the bloody world, some say. Oxford?

Bradford City. Oh. Bradford City. Welcome. Bradford. Yes. I sound like you're about to sing the Bradford National Anthem now. Bradford, Bradford.

And then the chorus is incredibly racist. And the chorus is incredibly racist. I suppose when, like, nowadays people think of Bradford, they think probably firstly of the IMAX cinema that's there. The Museum of Film and Photography. That's attached to the IMAX, isn't it? Which obviously all the contents of which has now been packed up and shipped down to London, so those guys can enjoy it. Thank you.

Statistically, we do tend to churn out men that murder women. But I'm here to tell you about a different side to Bradford. One that you might not have heard of or know of. One that you might not have heard of or know of. A story that we might not have heard of or know of. Yeah, it's... I mean, I don't want to give too much away, but I've written every single bit of this out. If you're ready, lay it on us.

OK. What story have you brought from Bradford? So this is the tale of the giant boar of Bradford. Ooh. This is the tale of the huntsman and the boar. And then at that point, it's not my show, but that's where I put the lightning in. Like, oof, a bit of tension,

or like a pulsing synth soundtrack but you know what you're busy guys so this tale takes place in years and days so that's a time when oh what's your broadband password what do you mean we haven't got any broadband

you know because it's a pass oh put that should we just microwave that oh we don't have a microwave it's going it's gonna take two hours to make it i just wish i was dead so that's what the past was like i'm halfway through a show on netflix yeah what what's netflix do you know what i mean it's just different if you say i've watched your show on netflix they cut your head off and put it on a stick and the thing that everybody's watching is is like people just watch pigs so basically bradford's not changed consistent apart from they've got this big they've got all these pigs and no netflix but they do have

this big bloody imax now back to this back to the story so this tale takes place in year old in days and what happened was that the townspeople of bradford uh living good honest lives working solidly nine to five every now and again someone's going to go out and steal a bit of that tin and that but it's just how we are. It's our culture. And then it turns out that a lot of people are being terrorised by this horrible giant boar that's coming out in the woods, causing all sorts of a ruckus. And it's taking over. It's so big and scary.

It's taking over the town's water supply, which is via a well. Like it's playing Monopoly. It's playing Monopoly. No, it's not taking it over to run it. It's not franchising it. It's got four hotels now. Someone stop this bore. The bore was capitalism.

Sorry, listener. I didn't want to... You've spoke the end of the story now, I guess. I'm sorry for interrupting. So the bore took over, not in a financial sense, the water supply. It was a big, aggressive, nasty bore that come out. It's charging at people. I assume scraping itself on the side of people's houses foundationally

knocking them absolute nightmare and it takes over the water supply so nobody wants to drink that smelly hog water dinner so it's it's created this like horrible situation where people are scared to come out of the house every day it comes out of the woods at the same time around noon for each drink so everyone's just miserable so the mayor or the ber time around noon for each drink. So everyone's just miserable. So the mayor, or the Burgermeister, I'm going to call him from now on, he's seen that productivity is dipping around these key times and he's incredibly worried about this. He's got a graph with lines going downwards.

Yeah, I mean, he's got the charts and he can see that we're less productive than a frenchman so it's like something's got to happen meanwhile boss shovings are way up at these key times so the the bergamaster decides that this bar has got to go so he decides to put up a competition to get rid of the bar and anyone can enter it. But the prize is loads of land, that's it, and fame. And I remember reading and fame and thinking, how do you give that as a prize?

How is that quantifiable? But you get lots of fame. Exposure, essentially, is what that is. Yeah. But hey, we're still talking about him. Yeah. Exactly. So then a huntsman, like a noble, valiant huntsman,

decides to take on the task of going after the boar. He's an archer, so he packs his archery arrows. Good. And probably takes a knife. Can I just, again, thank you for the level of research you've done into this, Chris? I don't think it overlaps with the time period at all, but I suspect he also took a couple of grenades. Just in case.

In case things get tasty. Because he's done his time in the war. What would that be? I don't know. You Google it after. The war on terror. I'm going to get it together, though. The noble huntsman sets out at dawn to find this big, horrible pig.

And then he's going through the woods. Crack. What's that? Well, that's a horse. But then another crack. What's that? It's the boar. He's over there, he's getting ready to go into the town.

So he reaches back and gets an arrow. An archer's arrow. Poison-tipped out of his quiver. Not like a bad poison, because he wants to eat it later on, so it's like a toxin to paralyse people. And then he steadies it, fires the arrow. First one misses completely. Absolute nightmare.

The hog charges at him, but with the second one, he gets a right between the eyes. We are going to bleep that. Oh, do you do bleeping? Right, OK. But Al can just do your dubs anyway, can't he? With my consent, yes. When he shoots it right between the eyes.

I've lost it. I can't do it. Yeah. Carry on. So then he's like, he has to, as part of the condition of the prize of getting the land and the fame,

the Burgermeister needs to see proof that the hog has been slain. But get this, the bullity pig is so big that he can't take it back because it's too heavy. He's just one man. So here's what he decides to do. Cut out its tongue so he can take that instead.

So he goes back to town when his big tongue decides to stop off. We never had a Burger King in Bradford. Oh, yeah, we did. And then it shut down. But he stops off for some light refreshment. And while he's doing that, some naughty, cheeky man cuts the bar's head off and with his cheeky man brother

takes the head into the Burgermeister's flat before the huntsman can get there. And he's like, I've killed this. Can I have my land and my reward? So the Burgermeister's like, yeah, wow, thanks for killing this boar. And then, just when it's looking all cut and dried, the first huntsman who killed it showed up, and he said, about i killed that

and the other guy's like no i killed it so he says quick as a flash so does it have a tongue then this bar normal question this is a normal question he's like colombo he's like oh yeah fine fine fine but just uh he was nearly out of the door you see they just stopped about i just just what about that ball tongue man and the bergermeister's like let's have a look at this ball tongue then looks in it and got a tongue has it so the bergermeister knows that the second cheeky hunter is a liar and awards the fame and honor land to the proper original rightful hunter. And now, to this day, you see the boar's head is everywhere all over Bradford, like coat of arms and stuff like this. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. And it's like on the flag. Not just the tongue. Not just the tongue, just like a severed head. So you can see the severed boar head is like a symbol that's everywhere. So it definitely happened. Yeah. And that's the story that I got for you.

It's pretty good, isn't it? It's like pretty, yeah, how do you feel? I think it's an incredible story. Yeah. Thank you. I did a little bit of reading into it because I knew you were going to come on the podcast. Yeah. The Boar of Bradford, also known as the Woody Boar.

It is remembered in a ritual that was carried out on the lands that he won, which is called Hunt's Land. Huntyard. Sorry, Huntyard. Where someone would come with a dog and would blow a horn to commemorate the killing of the boar. I've got a description of a horn. Are you interested?

Yes. The horn that appears on the coat of arms of Brad bull. I've got a description of a horn. Are you interested? Yes. The horn that appears on the coat of arms of Bradford? Go on. All right. One of the most beautiful specimens of ox horn that I've ever seen. Its colour is a dappled grey. The length on the outer side

from the tip to the inferior extremity is 28 inches. The girt is of such extremity, without ornament, nine inches, tapering beautifully to the tip. And can you believe that Bradford County Council had to sell that, in times of

austerity, to Vernon Kaye? To pay for an IMAX bulb. To pay for it, yeah. Because once you're in the IMAX game, they're like, there's, like, recurrent costs, and those bulbs aren't cheap. Yeah, it's the bulbs, that's where they get you. There's filaments in it, you know.

I also did some research on the big pigs of Yorkshire. Last time, James, the people of Bradford. And yeah, there's quite a lot of big pig, big piggery up there, isn't there? There's the brawn of Branspeth. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Branspeth's in County Durham. Is that not Yorkshire? That is absolutely.

Oh, I, whoa. Branspeth's in County Durham. Is that not Yorkshire? That is absolutely... Oh, ho, ho, ho! I'm sorry, neighbour of Prime Ministers. No, Yorkshire and County Durham are different places. The Brawn of Branspeth. Well, how come you've got the same voice? Such an honour to be on the last ever episode of Warman. The Brawn of Branspeth. Yep, we've got a big bore, but we don't

have an exciting story about... It just got caught in a pit. Yeah. It's not as good. It got caught by Roger de Ferry, which is French for Roger the Ferry. He lured it into a pit and it fell down, and then he went in and chopped its head off, and apparently his grave still has his weapons carved into it of a sword and a spade. Oh, really?

Yeah. I looked it up in the History and Antiquities of the County Palatine of Durham, which I'm always referencing on this podcast. Big time. It just mentions the brawn, as it calls it. The woody veil extending from Croxdale to Ferrywood was one of the brawn's favourite ha haunts affording roots and masts and i really like this phrase the luxurious pleasure of volutation oh yeah which means it means rolling around it's just a lovely word for rolling around that's what

that's what chris is doing in the hot tub that's what the pig was doing in the in the spring near bradford the volutation i'm detecting a sort of an extended metaphor. Chris, are you the... Are you the boar of the B&B? Do you emerge every day at midday and take over their water supply hot tub? Well, this is it. Stink it right up. We're all in different houses,

but we are, like, doing the same shopping order. So I am, like, going, like, guys, we need more bread. And they're like, we got loads of bread yesterday. I'm like, well, it's all gone. Can you imagine self-isolating with your in-laws?

I'm having a great time now. On the subject of controversy, I think I ran into one while researching this. What, one of Chris's in-laws? It's not Chris's in-laws specifically specifically although it's someone from bradford so chances are i think we need to do a shout out to phil robinson because if you google the bore uh it's phil robinson's site is one of the is one of the ones that comes up and he is um i want to get this quote correct phil robinson is a yorkshireman photographer writer and historian in that order i assume good lad phil he's got a wonderful website uh which is full of information that Yorkshireman, photographer, writer and historian. In that order, I assume. Good lad, Phil.

He's got a wonderful website, which is full of information that is entirely centre aligned in two columns. It is not that easy to navigate. Can I tell you the order of the pages in the side menu? Yeah. Page five, page four, page one, page three, page two. Nice. That's the order they're in.

What number were you in the address book? You just, you can sign in and leave comments on this site. Oh, cool. page two nice that's the order they're in what number were you in the address book you just you can sign in and leave comments on this site oh cool he describes this as the first conspiracy theory though i don't know what he means by that but he says that the hunter was john northrup of manningham the imposter was roger de manningham and the mayor was prince john of gaunt uh who who was in charge at some point however he says he gets that from the History and Topography of Bradford, which is a book from 1841, and I've checked, and it doesn't say that in that book.

It just has the standard account that Chris just told us without any names attached to the hunter. So he may be in error, or I might be looking at a different edition of the History or Topography of Bradford, or Phil might be stirring, deliberately stirring. If you guys want to find out definitively, please get a pen out and write down philrobbinson005 at gmail.com. I found his email address on the website.

That is Phil's email address. I think we might have to do that. Although John of Gaunt, of course, was a Lancastrian. Chris is a Yorkshire man, how does it feel to know that at that time, Bradford was Lancastrian? I'll be honest, it makes me feel sick to my stomach, because currently I also

live in Lancashire. What? Yeah. I got so close to home, but stopped on the wrong side in Pernines, and they've taken me in and looked after me and not really, and never shown me any malice, but they're horrible. Horrible people.

Mucky people who are real, they're big heads and they're always talking about themselves. There's another big pig in Yorkshire. This is in the Northern Moors. It's the Felon Sow of Rqueby. Oh, right.

Have you heard of Roqueby? I know the place. There was a big pig there. Is that the whole story? No, there was a chap called, a baron called Ralph, Baron Ralph. The first draft of King Ralph. He worked his way up. He, yeah, he had this big pig, this big sow, and it was really angry. It was larger than three ordinary sows,

which I think is the name of the Cure's first album. And she would just kill people coming near her. So he wanted to get rid of it. And because all the friars were always begging food off him, he said, well, you can have this massive sow if you want, but you've got to take it home. And basically they couldn't and they got really badly attacked and then they um they called in a couple of men at arms

gilbert griffiths and a well-known spanish saracen slayer and uh gilbert griffiths killed it with his sword wow that's the end i think the biggest question that is, the question that's becoming clearer as we go through this is, what are people in Yorkshire feeding these pigs? There's a consistent trend of massive pigs. I think I might have an answer for that, because I was doing more research into Phil Robinson's history of Bradford website. Are you saying his name so

that he doesn't get annoyed that we've not attributed him? I am saying Phil Robinson's name so that he knows that we've credited him because the guy who wrote the book about when Amy was on, she talked about Old Stinker, the whole werewolf. Yeah. And then the guy who's the expert in the whole werewolf said, you could have referenced my book or

spoken to me about this. Yeah. And we said, no, we spoke to the comedian Amy Gledhill instead. Sorry. This is it. I think through this act, I have... Sorry, Phil, I've knocked you off the perch. I have become, when this comes out, the leading expert on Bradford mythology.

I've always thought of you as the go-to Bradford pig man. Yeah. If you need an horrible pig man, I know this guy from Bradford you should talk to. Phil's website covers other parts of areas in the region. One of them is Ripley, where they have a boar pub. But it also mentions that they have a local butcher, and he includes the slogan, which I really liked,

because the slogan is, Real meat for real people. Yeah. Not drawings of meat fat sprites real meat for real people and I think that's that's there's your answer of what what's getting fed to the boars proper Yorkshire meat proper proper real people real Yorkshire people also fair fair play to you for just publicly calling out sprites like that. If you want to... Come at me.

I don't know if you want to. I'm not obviously associated with it. I never openly start a flame war with sprites because they'll take your baby. Alistair, do the bit where you do his voice there and make him say it. Hold on a minute. Okay. I really hate sprites. I can't do it can't do chris you say i have to say it back i need to repeat something you say say something i'll repeat it back in your voice

um i bloody love sprites i love sprites and i'm just pretend i bloody love sprites it's not on flattering it isn't flattering this is the most fun I've had since this pandemic kicked in. I think it's time for the scores. Yes, yeah, I've got some scores to have. I've got some numbers prepared to give out. Are you ready to grade this baby? Big time. The baby is the story?

Let's do it. All right. I'm going to save Chris the embarrassment of having to offer up the supernatural category, because I think it's going to be a low-scoring one. James, what's the score for supernatural? I think it's zero, isn't it? It's just a big pig.

Did anything supernatural happen in the story? No. An IMAX in Bradford. Explain that. Giant pig. A pig as big as a house. That happened. Yeah, but that's just a big big pig there's so many stories of big pigs ever since then bradford has smelt like pig that is unfortunately very real yeah that's believable how do you explain that i don't i don't want to

on mike the burgo meister of bradford is not doing well enough that he doesn't live in a flat, according to Chris's telling the story. That's suspicious that he's in a house share. This is all, for Bradford, this is all very real. It is nothing. It's zero. There's not even a sniff of supernaturality. I will concede on that point, but no overs. Okay, moving on, Your Honour. So the next one we've got for you is names.

Right. This one is pretty exciting. Is it? I think it's ripe. It's ripe, like a juicy pig. What was the name of the huntsman? Huntsman? Huntsman 1 and Huntsman 2.

Huntsman 1 and Huntsman 2. But what if i were to tell you that the first huntsman's full name was edophile morgana uh was it yeah pretty sure i think erifile morgana and are you looking at a computer and trying to make up these names it has changed since the first time you said it. Yeah, you need to look at Phil Robinson's site, and then it's called the Erefer Magana homepage. Well, Chris might be obviously lying here, but we've got John Northrup of Manningham, Roger de Manningham, their potential hunters.

John of Gaunt. Yeah. That's good. John of Gaunt. Yeah. Or Boney Face. The Burgermeister. The Burgermeister.

Pretty sure that's not what they'd be called in Bradford. What was the fancy name that they gave the place where the hunt happened? What was that called? Huntyard. Yeah, exactly. These names are rubbish. I even tried to help you out i gave you the felon sow of rokeby yeah that's true with um who was that gilbert got gilbert griffiths gilbert gottfried was involved that's an extremely large pig he said some terrible things the brawn

i'd like the brawn of bransperth but none of these are the actual story these are all extras and the brawn of Branspeth is not admissible because it's based in Durham yeah which is basically the same it sounds the same it's not the same sounds it though and your story

he's called Mr Man the two people that found it are called Mr Man and Thin John and I quite like Thin John but I think most of the names I brought in like what was he called Duke Ralph Baron Ralph wasn't it

I'll say a three and I gave you one of them sorry Phil Robinson okay because every time you say that I think of neighbours so I'm going to give it four I can't wait for him to listen to my recounting of his story

and for him to feel sick as a dog he's going to be so upset sorry Phil do we get any extra points for Phil? is that eking it up a point or two? you got four thanks Phil what's the next category?

duplicity it was a highly duplicitous story there was that yeah because there was the man who pretended he came across a big dead boar and thought i can turn this to my advantage yep or cut his head off and then the original hunter uh played columbo played by peter folk if he hadn't had a carrier bag full of tongue, he would have lost everything, the fame, the money. And that's why you always carry a tongue in a sock. That's why every Sunday we eat a real big tongue. Also, according to, again, my pal Phil Robinson, there's the controversy about who the hunters were.

Several different people have claimed to have been that hunter. Some people claim that the whole story was made up and it was John of Gaunt himself who killed the bear. Or was that just more Lancastrian propaganda? We don't know. There's too much duplicity. Yeah, there's like a twist and there's a twist and there's probably more twists. So it's better than Ocean's Eleven.

Come on. But it's like one of those ones where it turns out it was a made-up story and then you're like, well, what was the point? Have you ever watched that? You know the show that Jonathan Frakes, Riker from TNG, is on? The one that got turned into a meme of him saying

you were wrong or you were right. Yeah, I can't remember what it's called. Have you ever watched that show? We just watched one of them and it's just Jonathan Frakes saying, has anything like this ever happened to you? And then there's a story which couldn't possibly be true. The one I watched was a farm was failing

and so the farmer contacts the devil and the devil sort of zaps him with lightning and then the farm flourishes after that. And then it goes back to Jonathan Frakes in the studio who says, so, do you think it was true or false? Of course it was false! We made it up. Yeah, of course

you did! The devil was in it. Of course you made it. Make him a challenge, Frakes. So, duplicity. Yeah, duplicitousness, it is quite high. Five. Yes! No, I was lying.

It's a four. Oh! Oh, God, I feel... See, that's needless duplicity. That's some more needless duplicity No no I've learned a lesson from that Real life doesn't work Like your buddy David Mamet

On directing book Sometimes it's not a perfectly round Edged story Sometimes it's got edges Do you know what I mean This is a historical record You can read it all about it On philrobertson.blogspot.xxx. About error file.

Say that again. I can read all about error file. Yeah. What happened there was Chris had forgotten the name he invented two minutes ago. Because you put so many of your own lies in, I'm going to give you a five. But that's not, I don't want a reward. I'm upset at being called a five. But that's not... I don't want a reward. I'm upset at being called a liar, but happy with

the five. I'm very excited about the final category. Lay it on him, Chris. Okay. James, final category? Big horrible pig. Big horrible pig. Yep. Big horrible pig. Well, there's

three actual big horrible pigs featured. One of them was the size of three ordinary pigs. Some of which might have been horrible themselves. Yeah, we don't know. It's got to be five out of five, really, hasn't it? I don't think there's... Get in. Anyone's going to be surprised.

You get five out of five for big horrible pigs. Yes! That's not bad, because pigs normally come in threes. But those are the little ones, obviously. Well, good to take that, you big idiot. Thank you. Thank you for scoffing at yourself. Yep.

So thank you for scoffing at it. That's worked out really well. We've really pulled it back after Supernatural, after a slow start. Yeah, what you lacked in ghosts you made up in pig. Just to sort of think about it, I wouldn't want to be visited by a ghost pig would you what size is it it's as big as a house but houses houses back then were a bit smaller so oh no thank you probably as big as a four by four but people were a bit smaller as well yeah my

granddad was tiny um I always used to say, please don't let that big, horrible pig in this house. And your mum said, that is your flesh and blood. That is your flesh and blood. I pulled back on your mum joke earlier on because I wanted to be respectful in this trying time, but way to stay classy. Way to stay classy. Thank you very much for coming on the podcast chris um i hated every second of it i could tell but i appreciate you gritting your little piglet

teeth and just pushing through gritting his tusks can you edit that out of the i just yeah when i'm a bit anxious i do gnash my tusks. Is there anything you want to plug, Chris? Because last time when we had your comedy partner Amy on, she plugged a tour, which seconds later was cancelled. Yeah, that was sad. I'm really sorry. Genuinely sorry to hear that because that looked very nice.

Do you have anything going on in your life now that's uh worth talking about yes we do hot tub first one is part of a sketch group with amy from a couple a few episodes ago and check us out www.thedelightfulsausage.com and we're releasing a podcast too oh we're on the 13th of april if everything goes to plan um and we won't bleep out the swearing because we've got a backbone. It's called Tiredness Kills, and it's got funky, weird, sci-fi sort of stuff going on on it. It's designed to keep you awake, and it's being created in a cauldron that is a pandemic.

So, yeah, you're really going to be able to hear that coming through i'm very excited to hear that have you worked out a way to get out the to reduce the hum of the hot tub noise we're making a little we're making a video that is cuts between like how we're spending the pandemic and it's amy it's amy in her bedroom and a nana keeps trying to get in her room. And then Nat just cuts between me and the hot tub saying, oof, that's too hot. And complaining about corked wine. So, yeah, it should be good.

Just trying to stay busy, isn't it? Well, you know, just don't look directly at the sun. And best of luck to you. Thank you so much for having me, guys. Thank you for coming on. Yeah, cheers, Chris. I should have put my names in. Or should I have lied less?

I don't know. Probably lied less. And there you have it, James. I think that should answer all of your questions with regard to extremely large pigs. Yeah, everything Yorkshire and Porcine that I wanted to know, I now know. It's real meat for real people, isn't it, at the end of the day? If you enjoyed the podcast, you can like, subscribe, leave a comment,

leave a review, or even recommend it to a friend. Just have a think about pigs. You might never see one again. Whoa, whoa, whoa, don't say that. A pig might walk past your house. Let's just put a gammon lid on that case. Just close the ham book, each page of it being a slice of ham. And then the cover could be like two pieces of bread so you've just got like a big... I always think sandwiches are a bit like

little pamphlets, don't you? Little books for meat. Yeah. A little meat book. Yeah. Anyway. So like and subscribe.

Yeah. Let us know what other things you think.