Loremen Podcast - S3 Ep26: Loremen S3 Ep26 - Yorkshire's Atlantis

Episode Date: June 25, 2020

"Get in the sea" has been in common parlance since 2015 but it is by no means a modern concept. Towns, cities and fabled islands have been doing just that for thousands of years. Alasdair takes us on a deep dive (PUN) into Yorkshire's own submerged towns, one of which was populated exclusively by pirates. Well, they must have had non-pirates to do the normal stuff like take the bins out, but you get the idea. Pop a couple o coffers here would ya guv? Ko-fi.com/Loremen @loremenpod www.instagram.com/loremenpod www.facebook.com/loremenpod @JamesShakeshaft | @MisterABK

Welcome to Lawmen, a podcast about local legends and obscure curiosities from days of yore. I'm Alistair Beckett-King. And I'm James Shakeshaft. And in this episode, James, I have found some very interesting stories about sunken cities. Ooh. Well, towns. Like Jaws 3D. Is there a sunken cities. Ooh. Well, towns. Like Jaws 3D. Is there a sunken city in Jaws 3D?

There's an underwater theme park. Ooh, like the Jurassic Park of sharks. Yeah. Jurassic Shark. Is that a film? There definitely has been a film called Jurassic Shark. I reckon there's probably five. Well, before you go and watch Jurassic Shark 5,

it's the story of Ravenser Odd. So, James Shakespeare. Yes? Are you familiar with the tale of Atlantis? Yes. Yep, you've heard of it? Yeah, I've heard of Atlantis. I assume, like me, you've always heard that story of a city punished by the gods and sunk beneath the Atlantic Ocean and thought, it's a good story.

Yeah. But there's one thing that would make it better. Um. If it were set in Yorkshire. I definitely think it's a good story. It is a good story, but wouldn't it be better if everyone involved was a Yorkshireman or woman

or non-binary Yorkshire person? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I haven't got a problem with that element of it. It is quite rainy in Yorkshire, so it wouldn't be as that much of a surprise. I think the thing with the Mediterranean is that it's the sort of place that you wouldn't want to fall into the sea. Yorkshire is. No, literally the opposite. Oh, sorry, you're

saying that in Yorkshire, the city being sunk would be an improvement. Is that what you're saying? Not necessarily an improvement, but not necessarily that much of a bad thing. Well, I'm glad that you find the idea plausible because I've got a Yorkshire Atlantis for you today. Actually, I sort of have two. You've got two? Both of them in Yorkshire got a Yorkshire Atlantis for you today. Ooh. Actually, I sort of have two. You've got two? Both of them in Yorkshire? Two Yorkshire Atlantises. Atlantees.

Atlantis. Would it be in the south, the Lantis? Going to Atlantis. Aye. We're going Atlantis? He's been Atlantis all week long. I just have an image now of Grecian columns sinking under the water and then loads of flat caps going bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop.

Oh, coming up to the surface, yeah. Yeah, and a few dead whippets floating past. Of course, there are other things that we can stereotype Yorkshire about, but let's start with the classics. Yeah, exactly. The Yorkshire Atlantis I want to bring to you first is called... The Yorkshire City of Lantis. Semmerwater is a place in Wensleydale. Oh yeah. And it's a lake, basically. It sounds wet. It's made of water, there's no argument about that. Scientists agree.

Good. But the story is that once upon a time, it was not a lake, but was a town in a valley. According to Sir William Watson's The Ballad of Semmerwater, it had a king's tower, a queen's bower, and a wall around it. But the people of Semmerwater were reputed to be mean and ungenerous. In Yorkshire? In Yorkshire. Oh, wow. And a beggar came knocking on doors asking for bread.

Now, as you and I both know, whenever that happens, it's probably Jesus. Oh, yeah, it tends to be. Sometimes it's St. Paul or one of the other saints. But you want to be careful. And they all turned away. The king and the queen turned away. Everyone turned the beggar away. What, from the tower and the bower?

Both the tower and the bower. He couldn't get a scrap. No. He left the town eventually and went up to a little cottage outside of the town where a poor farmer took him in and gave him oat cake and ale to drink. eventually and went up to a little cottage outside of the town where a poor farmer took him in and gave him oat cake and ale to drink and on his way out he turned back to face Semmerwater and he made a curse upon it although what's weird is that it probably wasn't called Semmerwater then at the

time when it hasn't yet drowned so the name sort of should have been a warning to them that something was going to happen well if I'm guessing he cursed it to go underwater that is a correct prediction he is about to curse it to go underwater maybe he that's where he got the idea from was the name yeah that's probably it what he said was simmer water rise simmer water sink and swallow up all but this little house where they gave me bread and cheese and summit to drink and that's a good rhyme but that last line is too long. It's metrically troubling, isn't it? Yeah. William Watson's, his meter is much better. He has, and many a fathom, many a fathom, many a fathom below, in a king's tower and a queen's bower, the fishes come and go.

Although, of course, the plural of fish is fish. So he has cheated there in order to get an extra syllable in. Well, he's cheated at the beginning by just repeating the same bit again to force that meter. Very, very, very, very wet. Now, OK, you might, a sceptic, a cynical-minded 21st century man with no romance in his soul, might look at that and think that that story wasn't true. However, according to the Yorkshire Post, at least,

archaeological explorations in that area in the 20s of the last century suggested that there may have been an Iron Age settlement in that area, if not under the water itself. So the fact that there may have once been something there might be true. But I can see you're still sceptical about the curse, which is why I didn't stop at Semmerwater. Because in researching Semmerwater, I found another genuinely historical sunken city in Yorkshire.

Whoa. A whole city? Well, town. Big town. Big town. A decent-sized town, by all accounts. And its name is Ravenserod. What? Yeah, how do you like them apples? Ravenserod.

Odd. Yes. Its name comes from the Old Norse, Hrafn's Ear. Hrafn's Ear. Hrafn is raven. Makes sense. So it's Ravenser Odd. Hrafn is raven.

And Ear, what do you think? It's a part of the head? Hrafn's Ear. Oh, Ear. No, try again. Nose? Correct, it was tongue. It's the Raven's Tongue.

That is odd. But it isn't odd when you look at the geography of the place where Ravensard was. We're in the mouth of the Humber here. So we're just south of Hull, just north of Grimsby, which should put it in context. Fishy. For anybody who has memorised what the east coast looks like.

There's sort of a long spike of land that goes out to the sea and curves round like the beak or tongue of a raven sticking out of the east coast into the sea how did they know that's what's fascinating isn't it because they didn't have drones they did not have drones back then they might have had very big ladders or as that poet would call it very very very very very big ladders ravenser odd was an island that sprung out of nowhere so there was a

little town called ravenser raven's tongue which was right there on the end of the tongue and then according to the chronicler of muse abbey and this is a very difficult abbey to pronounce it's m-e-a-u-x like a french word wow so i would have saide or something like that, like Bordeaux. Yeah. But it's Muse, like Bordews. Ooh. And it's near Beverley, if you remember her, from the whole werewolf episode. Yeah, big fan of Bev.

Not a fast mover, though, so she's been there since the 13th century. People come to Bev. And she's not far from that abbey. And the abbot, Thomas Burton, chronicled the history of it. He tells the story of the town of Ravenserod, which sprang into existence. It sprang into existence? Yes, it sprang into existence. This is what's amazing about it.

Reverse lantis. According to the abbot, the casting of the sea caused stones and sand to accumulate and a certain small island was born, which is called Ravenserod. And this is around sort of 1280. And so it became known as Ravenserod and Old Ravenser became known as Ravenseralt or Old Ravenser, basically. Ravenser normal.

It's probably Danish settlers. Sometimes they're referred to as being Vikings, but I think that's probably a bit late to be talking about them as Vikings. But they probably were burly Danes with their massive ladders so it's got a vikingy vibe is all i'm saying what's weird is that ravensa odd the little island that sprung out of nowhere quickly eclipsed old ravensa and began to threaten the status of those mighty settlements hull and grimsby it was said to have rivaled Hull and Grimsby, and that's a sentence you don't hear that often.

No. Really not. Because it had a mayor, a court, a chapel, prison, gallows, wharfs, tanneries, warehouses, a twice-weekly market fair, and an annual fair. Very nice. So it was a pretty big deal. It was attached to the raven's beak, the raven's tongue by something called the neck,

which was a little sandy path that was there sometimes and not at other times. What, so the tongue's got a neck? Yes. So the land comes to a point and then a sort of sandbank sprung up and formed this island. And so it was connected sometimes by a stretch of sandy beach. But the positioning was strategically very interesting because there were lots of traders coming in to dock at Hull and Grimsby.

But I can show you on the map, which we can put on the website or tweet out, you can see that Ravenser Odd is in such a position that it could intercept all of the boats that were coming in. And they kind of didn't give people a choice about where they were going to land. So they would sort of piratically force the boats to come in and land there. So that all the trade that ought to have gone to Hull and Grimsby was going to Ravensard.

And Hull and Grimsby were not keen about that. Wow. Yeah, a lot of drama there. You've got these sort of Viking pirates. And we never think of pirates as having Yorkshire accents. They've always got that same West Country farmer. Farmer isn't pirates accent. Yeah, they've always, because they've got the R's as opposed to the E.

E, yeah, why not? Could be like, oh, gonna make it, what, what, plank. Pieces of thick. But it couldn't last, could it? No. No, it couldn't. That was the correct answer. Oh, right, okay.

The town which sprang into existence in the the mid 13th century sprang out of existence oh a hundred years later only a hundred years only a hundred years it lasted this little pirate town uh what happened was a pretty big deal basically climate change happened there was a massive wave called saint marcellus's flood also known as the Grotta Mandrenka, which is Low Saxon, and it means great man drowning. And the Grotta Mandrenka hit a load of places in Northern Europe. It was a huge, huge wave. So it killed, I think, tens of thousands of people across Europe.

Really? Where was the wave? In the sea. In the sea? Yes. Yeah, it was a big wave that spread across the sea. Yeah. Not a land wave. No, no, no. Or earthquake, I suppose.

Yeah, I suppose that's what an earthquake is, isn't it? Just a land wave. Yeah, yeah. It's a very slow land wave. The town, which had always been affected by high seas and bad waves, and had always been slightly washing away for all the time that it existed, was basically smashed to pieces. And again, according to Thomas Burton, washing away for all the time that it existed, was basically smashed to pieces. And again, according to Thomas Burton, as with all inferior places and chiefly by wrongdoing on the sea,

by its wicked works and piracies, it provoked the wrath of God against itself beyond measure. It smashed apart their church to the extent that all the bones and corpses washed up and he had to have them collected up and buried on actual land. Ravenserard is not the only drowned town in Yorkshire because washed up, and he had to have them collected up and buried on actual land. Ooh. Ravenser Alt is not the only drowned town in Yorkshire because most of those towns no longer exist because of erosion. Yeah. Ravenser Alt is also in the sea now, along with Old Kilnsea and Dimlington and Monkwike. Ah, Monkwike.

All the songs, song and stories told about Monkwike. Yeah. They're lost like tears in rain. Like a Yorkshireman in the sea. Time to die. Tack ships off shoulder at Grimsby. So when I started this, when I started looking up Semmerwater,

or what W. Hilton Longstaff calls the Sodom of Wensleydale. Oh. Yeah, it's a good name, isn't it? I didn't expect to find a pirate island that appeared and disappeared 100 years later. No. I was going to end on that.

And then just before we started speaking, I was looking at a map showing the lost towns of the Humber. It shows the tapering land, the site of Revansard, the site of Revansard, the site of Sunthorpe. Sunthorpe? Sunthorpe, I know. Oh, what? What a holiday destination.

It's the Safe Search On version of Scunthorpe? Sunthorpe, I know. Oh, what? What a holiday destination. It's the Safe Search On version of Scunthorpe. On that subject, just north of the site of Sunthorpe is the site of Penisthorpe. You're joking now. Possibly Penisthorpe, P-E-N-I-S-T-H-O-R-P. Wow. Penisthorpe. Wow. It's not for us to edit history, James.

That's what they called it. Wow. It's not for us to edit history, James. That's what they called it. And just west of Penisthorpe is the site of Sunk Island, which as a name is delightfully confusing. Yeah. It's very hard to visualise because what's weird about it is it's not under the water and it's just part of mainland Yorkshire, but it's called Sunk Island. and no beggars cursed that with the obvious curse but if anything maybe a sea beggar cursed it to become land yes a mer beggar it's bizarre it's near a place called i think stone brook which is also i don't know what brooks are made of brooks are made of water that's a landslide it is an oxymoronic paradox of a place sunk Sunk Island.

I think it used to be an island and it's become part of the mainland. Oh, so it's not even an island, let alone sunk. I know. The name is very inaccurate. I looked it up. There's an article about it on the Hull Daily Mail website. And it shows a sign which says, you are entering Sunk Island. Please drive carefully.

It's like, yeah, I think you should. Yeah. It's not clear whether you're on land or underwater. Please drive in an amphibious vehicle. One of them duck boats. The article on the Hull Daily Mail asked the question, would Sunk Island become an island again? And would is a weird question because that suggests the island is making the choice.

I think they might have meant to write, could Sunk Island become an island again? It's not like, would you have another biscuit meant to write could sunk island become an island again it's not like would you have another biscuit vicar would you become an island again should sunk island though that's the real question back in 1994 scientists from the university of hull another phrase you don't hear very often claimed recreating the island would restore the estuary's natural flow so i think basically these scientists are proposing to drown it again in order to turn it back into an island, which I'm very excited by. You rarely find a campaign to... Once something's land,

that's very much the end of the story elsewhere, but not in the University of Hull. I know a lot of the East Coast is gradually being eroded because that's what the sea does. Yes, correct. It takes and it gives. But don't get on the seaside. That's what's very weird about Song Island,

because it's also on the East Coast. It's just slightly inland. But obviously it's a little area which has somehow escaped the infernal machinations of the sea. Kind of like a modern-day version of... Exactly, like, yeah, like Raph and Sarod. And it's full of Yorkshire pirates. But they're doing video piracy.

So if you want your DVDs... Trainspotting. ...of Miss Congeniality, get down to Sunk Island. I'm really sad that you suggested Trainspotting, a classic British film, and I suggested Miss Congeniality. I'm annoyed you didn't suggest Miss Congeniality 2, armed and fabulous. And I suggested Miss Congeniality.

I'm annoyed you didn't suggest Miss Congeniality too. I'm done fabulous. So, James, are you ready to provide some scores for the sunken cities of Yorkshire? Yes. Yes, I am. My first category is Supernatural. Is coastal erosion supernatural? No, not technically, unless Neptune himself was behind it.

Sorry, are you saying how spooky is St. Marcellus' Flood, also known as the Great Mandrowning, the Rota Mandrenka, drowning tens of thousands of people and washing up the bones of a churchyard? That's... And destroying a pirate city? How spooky is that? That's cool, but it's not spooky. All right, what about a beggar cursing a whole town to be drowned by summer water? That is quite good.

That is quite spooky. That's supernatural. That's unarguably supernatural. Yes. What about a sunken island that is not sunken or an island? How do you explain that with your science? That's poor labelling. Spookily poor labelling? No labeling no no that's just that's

unfortunately standard poor labeling um i think i penis thorpe no wrong category i think you've got yorkshire people being tight that's pretty natural as far as i've been led to believe but the it was meant to be the wrath of God. And God's a ghost, isn't he? God's a sort of ghost. Is God supernatural? Yeah. Yeah. He's uber-natural.

The Holy Ghost is a ghost, so he's at least one-third ghost. Yeah. Ghost, hippie, beard is three sections. Yeah. And, well, the abbot decided that it was the wrath of God that the pirates of Ravensrod were drowned. Did he? So who are you to argue with the abbot of Muse,

who I've visualised, I now realise, as being a cat the whole way through. Oh, I'm visualising him being in the band Muse. Weirdly, in between each passage of the book he's written, there's a really loud sort of intake of breath as he tells the story. And it goes like that. And once you start noticing it, you can't ignore it.

And you can no longer enjoy the Chronicle of the Abbey. That's a very specific objection to Muse there. I don't think I can give it. I want to give it a one. An entire town was drowned. But I'm going to stretch to a two. Because I do like the idea of sunken cities. I didn't have any spooky stuff.

I didn't have any when there's a full moon, you hear the bells. Yeah, that is the cities. I didn't have any spooky stuff. I didn't have any, when there's a full moon, you hear the bells call. Yeah, that is the classic. I didn't have any, you look down and there's little faces reaching up from underneath the water. That's the stuff I'm after from a sunken city. I don't want,

oh, and they, well, they moved the people out and flooded it to make sure there was enough water for Stockport. I'm sorry. I just had hundreds of pirates actually dying. I don't want to say it, but that's natural. That's what happens to pirates. It is, yeah, natural causes for a pirate.

All right, the next time I do a story, I'm going to trick you into giving me loads of points by just adding the phrase, and some say you can still hear it at the end of everything that relates to a noise noise and some say he still walks there and all sorts of nonsense like you add on the end of yours just to get more points you couldn't turn stuff to dust in this case because of it's too wet too wet for dust no it'd be mud wouldn't it sand it's basically sand is what you're describing everything turned into muck i suppose sand is is the sea's dust. Some people might say

that you can still hear the pirates. Oh yeah, might they? See, I can't believe how interested you got. No, I just made that up. Of course not. Of course there are ghosts of an island. You can't even get there. It's in the sea now.

Two. Two. Two. All right. Second category, names. Yes. Okay. I like it.

The Grotta Mandrenka. Monk Wyke. Who put the penis in Penisthorpe. Penisthorpe or Penisthorpe. We don't know how it's pronounced. Oh, I know how I want it to be pronounced. Yeah. Massive.

Even though it's misnamed. Sunk Island. Yep. That's brilliant. Really confusing name. Yep. Yeah. The Chronicler of Muse.

Not a fan. Not a fan of Muse. Sorry, yeah. And his normal name is just Thomas Burton. That's not that good. No, that isn't very good. Semmerwater's quite nice and atmospheric name, I think. Yeah. For some reason. It's got to be five. I think it's a five,

isn't it? It's a clear five. You'd be doing Monk Wyker disservice. Yes, definitely. Alright, my next category is All Good Things. Dot, dot, dot. How do you mean? As in all good things come to an end. Oh, in this case, the good thing is the pirate town. Yeah.

I'm sorry, would you not want to... If I told you that there is a little pirate island in Yorkshire, like a Disneyland ride, we'd be going there right now. We're in for lockdown and it not being real. It sounds amazing. I'd go there to check my eyes. Pirate island, gone. Yeah.

Semmerwater, gone. Sunk Island, none anymore. No. Above Water Mainland. Yeah, all flesh is grass. Excuse me? Life is fleeting.

Oh. Memento Mori, things change. Yeah. Here today, penis thought tomorrow. Yeah, the beauty

of a little pirate island, it does sound very jaunty. Oh, you know there was an accordion playing. You know there was. You'd go there for your stag do. Yeah, and then the sound of... Is that someone tapping their foot?

No, it's a peg leg. And you've got a little sort of jam session going. Definitely. Someone stretches a rope between a spar and a bit of wood and just starts... That's the bass. You've got a little jaunty pirate band. Definitely.

They're rattling their jewellery instead of maracas. You've got like a whale's ribcage being played like a xylophone. Yes, you have, haven't you? You've got a Fleischer cartoon style animation of a pirate island. It's somehow moving to the tune of the beat as we zoom out. The island's like, which might have been why it sank. But maybe, some say, you can still hear that music when the waves come in.

When it's really misty. When it's very misty. When it's very muggy. When it's very muggy. You can hear them drowned pirates with a terrible racket. It's got that, you know, like Vegas. You know Las Vegas?

I've heard of it. It sounds like it would be like a Vegas of the Yorkshire. Yeah, very much the Vegas of Yorkshire, because Vegas sprung up out of nowhere in the desert. Yeah, like... And it's full of criminals. Yeah, exactly, about 100 years ago as well. But instead of a cowboy tipping his hat,

it would be a pirate on the giant neon. Wait a minute, where's Skegness? Skegness is just a little further south on the same coast. Because they might have had part of it, because that's Skeg Vegas, isn't it? Is there really a Skeg Vegas? That's a sort of colloquial nickname, Skeg Vegas. Well, the people who washed away, yeah, maybe they ended up in Skegness.

Oh, they just got washed downstream and started up a Butlins. And some say you can still hear Butlins. As well with the Blade Runner reference, I think. That was a weird sentence. You did sort of say that like Jackie Mason. Yeah. As well with the blade runner reference i think that was a weird sentence you did sort of say that like jackie mason yeah as well with the blade on our reference he used to do a lot about cult classic films didn't he yeah if you haven't seen his blade runner routine you haven't lived a human says this a replicant says that it's a great routine you see a turtle my mother i'll tell you about my mother.

The problem is, to understand this part of the podcast, you need to have seen two things. The Simpsons and a different episode of The Simpsons. Yes. High. Transient. Five. I'm going to give it five.

I like that whole. Yeah, I've been checking back over the scores for the last few episodes, and I have been being very generous, and you have been being the same. And I appreciate a well-earned five my final category sodom yeah we've got the sodom of wensleydale yeah that's because of wallace and gromit and the cheese thing you do visualize cheese don't you and sodom's other meaning it's it's a troubling name yes it's a troubling name we've got bishop barton's attitude towards the the drowned people of for having so odd which was just like yeah chandelier pirates sodom forget about them yeah not bothered and you've got the

people of sunk island now who i have no time for because of the ridiculous name of their town and and neither does the council from the sound of things they want to wash it away again you've got scientists and not now but in 1994 saying let's drown this town why don't we just would anyone notice if we drown that town that was what was really going on there but you always get with these sunken cities you do get this sort of sodom and gomorrah type yeah thing like they were an advanced civilization, but they were a bit naughty. Yeah. Oh, they had magic lanterns, but you should see what the images they were projecting. Have you heard about the sunken city off Cornwall?

No. Leoness, it's called, like a female version of Leon. Oh, right. And it was off Land's End, between Land's End and the Silly Isles. And sailors say that to this day, you can hear church bells. Oh, do they? Oh, I bet they do. And you can see the tops of buildings at low tide off the Seven Stones.

I bet they say a lot of stuff in Cornwall. They do. Very spooky. And in fact, Roman histories of the Silly Isles refer to the Silly Isles as being one whole island. Like one landmass. And I think that there might have been some erosion around sort of 1100 times

that led to this becoming a sunken area. Oh, that's interesting. And all the stories are about it happening in one event. And in fact, the interesting thing about that is a family called the Trevillian who are from around that area. Oh, a lovely Cornish name there yeah and one of them escaped it by galloping on his horse and on their coat of arms it has a

horse with the sea behind it a bit like that guinness advert that's pretty good and that there i think they'd been a bit naughty they probably disrespected god in some way it was hard not to in those days though wasn't it yeah like oh you're carrying two different bags of different weights. You're unclean. Yeah. Everyone was unclean. Oh, you're wearing a garment with more than one seam. Unclean.

With two different materials in it. I need elastic, otherwise I'll fall down. It was hard to keep him happy in those days. He was very much micromanaged. Needs to be a bit more hands-off. Hands-off of God, please. Not that hands-off. That was all the genocides that happened subsequently that was 2020 i'm a little miffed there because um you've just you've just

whipped out a really spooky cornish sunken island just to make me look foolish so what's your score for sodom sodom it's yeah it's definitely a four ah no, five. Yay! Yeah, we'll go five. A pity five. Thank you. I'm very happy with that. Yeah, you should be. That was oddly patronising. We've got an email.

Have we? From a listener called Candy. Oh, yeah. Who's posed a tricky problem. I'm going to read her email to you, if I may. Yep, please. It begins alarmingly with, so here's the problem.

Oh, God. She's very direct, Candy. I love your podcast. I found it recently, if I may. Yep, please. It begins alarmingly with, so here's the problem. Oh, God. She's very direct, Candy. I love your podcast. I found it recently. It caught up on all the episodes. I like it so much that I try to tell other people about it enthusiastically. So far, excellent.

That's exactly what we want. Yes, that's brilliant. Yeah. But when I do, she continues, I'm met with, I don't know, looks of confusion or pity, maybe. And then they say something like, oh, sounds interesting.

But they're lying. Oh, what? They don't think that it is at all. I have to be describing it wrong. Help me help you, she says, and tell me how to describe it to people so they don't think I'm a weird nerd and they listen to it. I tried reading the description on the website and that didn't get me anywhere either. We slaved over that copy for the website.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure we wrote that. So I don't know if we're the right people to ask. I'm extremely insulted. That's the best way we thought we could describe it. Yeah, it's a podcast about forbidden folklore. What is it? And this obscurical curiosities I've completely forgotten. Obscurical? Obscurical.

Forgotten folklore and obscure curiosities from days of yore. Yes. That's what it's about. What's wrong with that? It sells itself. The way I pitch it when I'm telling people about it is that it's about legends that haven't had the Hollywood treatment. So it's like not Robin Hood or Loch Ness or any of the ones you've heard of.

It's the ones that are as good as those, but never made it and so aren't famous. That's my pitch. Is she American, Candy? Candy is American, yes. She sounds like she'd be American. She is American. Because over here's she'd be american she is american because over here she'd be called sweets i think the only sensible thing to do is i mean candy's american her american friends will appreciate directness i think just play them this bit oi listen to the

podcast exactly candy's friends listen to the podcast come on candy's friends, listen to the podcast. Come on, Candy's friends. Please be nice to Candy. Don't lie to her for a start. Don't you respect your friend Candy? Just trust that if she likes it, it's probably something quite good. I don't know what other stuff Candy likes. I don't know any of her other views on anything. But I'm definitely endorsing her views on this podcast. Yeah, show a little bit of respect.

Oh, interesting. If you don't think it's interesting, give it a chance. You better not be rolling your eyes when you say that. Interesting, show a little bit of respect. Don't go like, oh, interesting. If you don't think it's interesting, give it a chance. You better not be rolling your eyes when you say that interesting, Candy's friends. Interesting. I hate Candy's friends. No, sorry.

No, we... Please listen to the podcast. We're going to give them a chance. We'll give you a chance if you give us a chance. Yeah. I'm just going to flip my chair around and sit on it backwards like a cool teacher.

Oh. We'll give you a chance if you give us a chance. Deal? Have you been reading The Art of the Deal? it backwards like a cool teacher oh we'll give you a chance if you give us a chance deal have you been reading the art of the deal i'm gonna appeal to their better nature camera candies friends give it a go if they don't listen sodom we don't need them yeah sodom in wensleydale it's a horrible image yes yeah wensleydale is the name of a place where a cheese comes from so

it it's like cheddar you've heard of cheddar so the name of a place where a cheese comes from so it it's like cheddar you've heard of cheddar so that's also a place what do they call the cheese that comes from vermont do they just call it cheese vermont cheese or do they call it vermont i don't know monterey jack who i don't know another listener i don't know i he sounds like a kangaroo but i think he's a type of cheese. Of course, that is French for my Terry Jack. This podcast has gone weird and it's largely Candy's fault. Yeah, thanks, Candy. Thanks for trying.

Problem is, I think you might be a weird nerd for listening to it. That's the sad reality. So, yeah, just try and keep them friends at all costs. Don't show them your true self. Well, what do you make of that, James? I want to get a snorkel at the very least. Get a good look at Penisthorpe. Yeah, underwater look at Penis at penis thorpe is it quite cold

sea so penis now only a hamlet the north sea will have that effect definitely and if you've enjoyed the podcast you can give us a good review leave us a comment send us a tweet or give us a few pounds on coffee.com do i spell coffee c-o-f-f-e-e you actually don't james thank you for asking no it's k-o-f-i.com forward slash l-o-r-e-F-E-E? You actually don't, James. Thank you for asking. No, it's K-O-F-I.com forward slash L-O-R-E-N-E-N. Lawmen.