Loremen Podcast - S4 Ep21: Loremen S4 Ep21 - Dickie's Screaming Skull LIVE

Episode Date: November 10, 2022

Do you remember Halloween? It wasn't ages ago! This year, James and Alasdair commemorated old Samhain with a super-spooky livestream. Sorry, liveSCREAM. James tells Alasdair the story of Dickie - the Screaming Skull of Tunsted Farm. It is a tale as old as time: a human skull that, if removed from a house, causes all sorts of trouble. But that's just the beginning of this Derbyshire legend. We also meet some of the largest nots you've ever heard of. You might even call them Hugenots. Field Report | Searching for the Screaming Skull in Chapel-en-le-Frith https://youtu.be/j2aPCfpciPk Also the full Livestream is here... https://youtu.be/8vP_OM5VFRs Loreboys nether say die! Check the sweet, sweet merch here... https://www.teepublic.com/stores/loremen-podcast?ref_id=24631 Support the Loremen here (and get stuff): patreon.com/loremenpod ko-fi.com/loremen @loremenpod www.instagram.com/loremenpod www.facebook.com/loremenpod

Welcome to Lawman, a podcast about local legends and obscure curiosities from days of yore. I'm James Shakeshaft. And I'm Alistair Beckett-King. And Alistair, we went out into the wild again. The wilds of Islington. Oh, yes. And we saw the people

with their faces. The strange denizens of North London. And we coined two catchphrases during this event. It's a double catchphrase episode.

What a night. What a night. It was a live special for Halloween. These are the edited highlights. That match of the day. Instead of goals, it's Halloween. These are the edited highlights. Match of the day. Instead of goals, it's catchphrases.

And no analysis. Hello. Welcome to our Halloween show. Has everybody had a wonderful Halloween so far? Has it been nice and scary? Standard, sort of a normal day, really. It was Monday, though, which is one of the scariest days of the week, I find. Well, welcome. We've got a terrifying tale for you today

Are you ready to be terrified? Broadly speaking I don't think they are ready to be terrified They look like their mental reserves are solid I need to put this My skull has fallen This is why they aren't terrified Because our terrifying skull is not in position

How's this? Yeah There you go That's what was missing We can't terrify it because our terrifying skull is not in position. How's this? Yeah. There you go. That's what was missing. That's not like it. The skull was the problem. Well, we're going to be talking about skulls today. Everyone's got one.

Right? That's the slogan for skulls, isn't it? Yeah. Everyone's got one. Today, we have got a very scary tale it is the tale of dickie of tunstead or terrifying title the miraculous skull that's lots better it takes place well no actually i'm place. Well, no, actually, I'm going to do the proper intro. Coombs Valley in Dark Peak in Derbyshire. Quiet, peaceful, serene. That is until Dickie of Tunstead wakes up, because

Dickie of Tunstead is a screaming skull. How could a screaming skull even use an ineffectual flying machine that plummets into the pines? I don't know, but fortunately his friends help him out. That's what's good about him. Are you understanding this as a reference to the raccoons, or is it just me? Yes, you are. One person was enjoying that, and everyone else was like,

this is weirdly phrased. It's the start of the TV show, The Raccoons. This takes place near a little town, the capital of the TV show, The Raccoons. This takes place in, well, near a little town, the capital of the peak, Chapel Unleyfrith. Unleyfrith? Spelt chapel hyphen en hyphen le hyphen frith. Oh. It's a little bit French.

So it's not Unleyfrith. No, I've said that too. Chapel Unleyfrith. Chapel. Où est that too. Chapelle en le frith. Chapelle. Où est le chapelle en le frith? Où est le chapelle? Où est? Dans le frith.

I want to joue le tennis. Oh. Allez à la piscine. What are you going to do in the... So, yeah, Dickie is a skull that has been on Tunstead Farm, Chapel Unley Frith for around 400 years. By the way, fun fact, Chapel Unley Frith is the site of the first recorded UFO sighting in the British Isles. Ooh.

In 1716. It was in the church records for some reason. UFO sighting is in the church records. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. So church roof needs repairs, baby baptized, first UFO. Yeah, they have one of those big sort of thermometers out the front. But it's only got one UFO in it. Yeah, it just went up to one and then fell over in the wind.

So there was a study done in 1993 by Andy Roberts and Dave Clark. They found that there are about 27 legends around the country of screaming skulls. Various houses have this skull in them that if you take it off the property, it screams. And Dickie was one of these. I think you considered doing a gasp of shock at the idea of the screaming skull there and then like one person did it. But I saw that the rest of you were thinking, is that a gasp?

Is that gasp worthy? And you all decided no. But for the edit, maybe, could you just give us like, just do that again and could you just, seriously pull you out because Jameson's in a lot of preparation here.

Yeah. Dickie of Tunstead was a very special one. Don't take the mickey. It has to be believable for the edits. We're going to take you all outside to get you to scream because, skulls, everyone's got one. Great slogan.

And, well, much like you guys then, once a wagoner was passing Tunstead Farm... You'll find this character relatable. A wagoner. Fairly normal job. One who wagons. He was passing the farm and he mocked the skull. Classic mistake. He saw a light was on in the window he mocked the skull. Classic mistake.

He saw a light was on in the window that Dickie was kept. And he said, he jeered, Dickie's going to bed. End of jeer. End of the jeer there. That's actually really good. It's a good jeer. No, that's really funny. I'm a professional comedian.

If I saw a skull in a window, I'd be pretty pleased with, Dickie's going to bed. really good it's a good cheer no that's really funny i'm i'm a professional comedian if i saw a skull in a window i'd be pretty pleased with dickie's going to bed well dickie wasn't pleased because that wagon flipped right over dickie does not like being mocked and we are about to do a full podcast and live stream about that skull so i don't know what's going to happen maybe is the room gonna flip was the maybe the maybe the podcast will flip like when you're listening to it back your mp3 recorder i need to they need to stop laughing at me so i can say that right for the end no no no i think you're stuck with that when When you listen to... As you're putting the cassette tape in... And then pressing play and record simultaneously. I was going to record over in the podcast.

That's a mistake. Yeah. Maybe your MP3 player will flip. Maybe your MP3 player will flip over is what I was going to say. Thanks for ruining that, everyone. And including me. Especially me.

It's the curse of Dickie. Up until now, James has never misspoken on the podcast. No. Every joke has come out of solid gold first time. It's flipped my tongue in a way, perhaps. So as with Pamps Pumps, do you remember? Forgot about that. You remember Pamps Pumps from Leicester?

There was a chap who had a pair of shoes in his house, which if you took them out there, bad things would happen. If you took this skull out of Tunstead Farm, oh, dire consequences. For example, here's a list. Not limited to, but including, once a farmer scythed a field of grass, turned around, the grass was unsythed.

That's a stick. What he's done is he's picked up a stick instead of a scythe. A scythe that doesn't scythe is a stick. Another one, your crops will fail, which is sort of the opposite of the last one. Your cattle might die or wander off. Or be alive too much. Yeah. Because he likes to do that.

Get really big. Some farm workers have had accidents. Now it sounds like I'm doing an insurance advert for small holdings. I've seen 1970s public information films. Farms are a death trap anyway, surely. Absolutely. You can't move for children falling into grain silos on farms.

No, but fortunately there was a camera there to catch it. And much like David Attenborough, they would not help those kids. What are you accusing David Attenborough of doing? He doesn't help the animals. You want to jump in for an antler? Fight on a lion. If a polar bear fell into a grain silo, he would not help.

Some clown threw it in Coombe's reservoir. Through the skull in Coombe's reservoir and all the fish died. An actual clown? Or are you just criticising this person? I was criticising the person. It was probably a farmer.

And all the fish died in the reservoir. So maybe it was farmer. And all the fish died in the reservoir. So maybe it was a sort of form of dynamite fishing. That would be actually quite a clever way of doing it. So just fly up to the top, skim them off. You've got a load of fish. Are there usually fish in reservoirs as well? I was going to say that's a bit disgusting, isn't it?

Yeah, I think he's doing that reservoir a favour. Some reservoirs have some fish. I think that's what was said. There's some laughter suggesting I misheard, but I'm doubling down on it. Some reservoirs, some fish. It's no skulls. Everyone's got one.

Some reservoirs, some fish. I think that seems like a good idea. Like how you put a bit of chlorine in a swimming pool to get rid of all the germs and stuff. Maybe you just get a haunted skull and pop it in your... Like if you're camping and you haven't got access to fresh water, just pop a skull. Fresh water.

When people say that water is not potable, do you think that's because there's a fish in it? Yes. Also, I thought, not potable. Do you think that's because there's a fish in it? Yes. Also, I thought it was potable. And twice, twice, it got buried in the churchyard in Chapel Unleafrith. And according to Mr. A. Fox... What did he say? Give me some chickens?

Can I have a look at the chickens? An apparition appeared that was weeping and wailing and during the witching hours of the night, furniture would be tossed up and down in utter confusion. Have you ever seen a confused sofa? A perplexed cupboard? Actually, probably occasional tables are a bit confused sometimes because they don't know. They don't know

what they're going to be. I'm occasionally a table but am I a table right now? It's probably quite easy to baffle a cushion. And one time the farmhouse was being rebuilt and during which the workman threw the skull into a big pile of manure did dickie like that or no he was like i hate manure that's from that film that's to the future

that's my back to the future car it's a weird line that they felt the need to establish the biff didn't enjoy having manure drop time it's's weird that at a script level they thought make it clear that he's not into that. That's not for him at all. Because he had a mouth full of it and you might have thought it was just, oh, this is a perfect opportunity to enjoy some fresh manure.

But he has to spit it out to say I didn't like that. I, unlike everyone else, hate manure I am not a rose does he say that he doesn't that's an extended

it's quite poetical yeah I see why I limit myself to one Back to the Future reference now starting to see that yeah

but right warn the workman yeah like if you've got a skull in your property that doesn't want to be taken off the property warn the workman. Yeah. Like, if you've got a skull in your property that doesn't want to be taken off the property, warn the workman. Warn the workman.

That's a good Shake Shack tip, that. Yeah, that's a life hack. I don't know if it's a... Is it a life hack? That is a life hack, I think. Warn the workman is a life hack. Warn the workman if you've got skulls on your property that you don't want thrown in the way.

Also, if you're a workman and you find a skull on a property you're working on, don't just chuck it into a big pile of poo. It's human remains. There are legal procedures you have to follow. Report it. Don't just whack it into a big pile of poo. There will always be repercussions.

Even if the skull itself is not angry, someone will be angry. Yes, whether or not it's a haunted skull. Just don't do it. I don't think I should have to say this, to be honest. Right, I've wound myself up. I didn't want to be that guy. It's awful to see a bias against skulls,

that prejudice still exists when we've all got one. You know? It's not like what you said. I forgot what you said. The raccoons. Some reservoir, some fish. Great catchphrase.

Really memorable. Yeah. It's like a call and response. Some reservoir. Some fish. Skulls. I've got to say, it doesn't have the... I think you're winning now.

It doesn't have the Bruce Forsythe quality of some reservoir, some fish. What's this episode about? So, yeah, when they did that, the spectre returned. And when the builders would turn up in the morning, all their stuff had been messed around with. It's like when you turn up to your office and someone's messed with your chair settings or, you know, fiddle around with your screen's presets. It's like that for builders, you turn up and you hammer, someone's messed with all the presets on it. The settings on all your nails are wrong. And they could hear a low, unearthly moaning underneath when they were sawing and hammering and doing the builder stuff,

which nowadays would probably be drowned out by a radio. Yeah, just magic FM. Yeah. There's a spooky and a sad story as well from, friend of the show, Haunted England by Christ in a Hole. When Alfred Fryer visited the farm in the 80s of the last century, this book has obviously come out in our last century, so two centuries ago,

the tenant, Mr. Lomas, told him that one night when his daughter was ill, he was sitting in the kitchen alone, and he had someone coming downstairs and saw a female figure pass between his chair and the fire and bend over the cradle. And thinking it was a servant, he told her not to disturb the baby. And as soon as he spoke, she vanished. And the baby got really ill. Hmm. What a kick out of that one.

Yeah, yeah. Was it okay in the end, the baby? Well, it was 200 years ago, so... I hope she's dead. I didn't think the podcast would go this way, but I really... Podcast during Hope's baby dead. Shock.

Outrageous that you would wish death upon an innocent baby. A 200-year-old baby. Dickie's not all bad, though. Come on, guys. I'm going to redeem him. Okay. I'm just looking at the notes and it says, not all bad in camera letters.

Yeah. Oh, no. But Dickie is not all bad. Come on, guys. Wow. Yeah. Wait, what does it say there? Don't do a Back to Future reference.

Some reservoir, some fish. How do you change that? He's a plant. That was going to happen. One of the farm owners, Mr. Brownlow, said they would soon part with their best cow and get rid of Dickie. Their best cow.

They like Dickie more than they like the cow. The best cow, yeah. Because it would help out on the farm. Dickie would help on the farm. If the animals got into trouble, like downtown, probably running with a bad crowd or something, or perhaps a cow was choking on a train.

No. Once again, you're going to need to stop laughing so I can correct myself. James, as a master of life hacks, what should we do if we see a cow choking on a train? The Heimlich manoeuvre is a challenge because of the circumference of a cow.

Do you just get in and try and punch? Which stomach do you aim for? You can't, I don't know. The circumference of a cow that swallowed a train as well that'll be that'll be like double blobbing i thought it was on a train and choking like like it's probably sitting in one of the chairs that has extra leg room you'd hope yes what were you trying to say though um i was just going to say that uh what it was it and the example given in the book is a cow choking on a chain

which is still weird and again still need to do that heimlich maneuver and you still need to pick the right stomach to do it so it's eaten the chain it's eaten the chain and is then regretting it yeah i guess so but dickie's there pull the chain oh yeah just pull on the other end that's a but it's like nine guys standing around going don't know how we're going to deal with this. Just a cow with a little anchor hanging out of his mouth. He tried pulling his tail. It's doing nothing. Blowing his ears.

Pull on the chain. Like I'm not a farming man, but... You're no vet. Dickie would warn the farmer with three taps on the window. Three taps, just in case you didn't know what they were. And that's the code for a cow who's choking on a chain. It's general farm business. Bad farm business.

General farm emergency. Tap, tap, tap. Yes. If there were robbers or burglars or ne'er-do-wells on the land, on the window, they'd know to go and sort it out. Same number of taps, I notice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just general problems. Just general problems, right. According to go and sort it out. Same number of taps, I notice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just general problems.

General problems, right. According to Margaret Bellhouse, people wouldn't dare walk on Dickie's land after dark because a strange black dog would follow them down the road and vanish into the hill. Yeah, it's pretty spooky. A black dog vanishing at night in the countryside is less spooky. People thought that was Dickie's spirit, seeing people

off the land, making sure that, you know, they got away. That's a good dog. We're off my land. That's a dog saying, get off my land. It's got a chain in its mouth. Hold the chain. So is he like, he's like Lassie, like a kid down in Minecraft.

Just coming in with information. Yes, yeah. Either delivered as a dog or through Morse code. And once a thief tried to make off with a sack of potatoes, but it got fixed by Dickie. Could he have perhaps been fixed by the fact that that's quite heavy? Maybe, may well be.

And it was muddy as well. Just quite slow. Fixed in this context is like with Pamp's house. It means rendered unable to move, not what I need to do to my iPhone screen. And not like what you might do to a dog either. Oh, yes. It wasn't castrated by the skull.

You know what? I didn't check. But Dickie was famous. And I found this on a blog by someone called Darkus Wolfson. Not a real name. In the Buxton Museum, you can find postcards of Dickie that they used to sell. People used to sell them. People used to visit the farm to see Dickie, much to the annoyance of the farmers

who were just trying to get on with saving their cows from chains and so on. In 1950, Crichton Porius... That's also a real name. I think that one's a real name. In 1950, Crichton Porius wrote of a tale that a farmer and wife were riding back from market. Farmer up top in the riding position, wife sat side saddle, no doubt, on the back of the horse, the further back on the horse.

They're all on the back of the horse. Further back on the horse. Her job was to hop off, open the gate, horse goes through, shut the gate, hop back on the horse. Tiring. And she said, quite innocently, I wish Dickie would open them.

About the gates. And the gate swung open. And it went through and it swung back shut. It happened all the way home. Every gate open, shut. So on and so on for many more gates. And you'd think that would help the wife to, you know, be a bit, you know, more chilled out.

But she was terrified because of the magic gates i'll be careful what you wish for lazy farm wife it's the moral of that story and now in 1863 dickie took on the big boys because the railway men came to town and they wanted to build a bridge over the reservoir using a field from tunstead farm but dickie got involved and the arches of the bridge became distorted and sank into the previously unspotted marshland and the railway men reported it as quicksand but everyone knew it was dickie there's another railway based anecdote or probably the same railway-based anecdote, but just changed over the years, and that a line had to be redirected

due to a landslide in the Goit Valley and a collapsed tunnel in Buxton. That's it. Oh, that's it. That was Dickie as well. And the bridge was called Dickie's Bridge. Oh, he collapsed the tunnel. He collapsed the tunnel.

He caused the landslide in the Goit Valley. But don't worry, everyone. There is a poem. And I'm going to be reading from Derbyshire Ghosts and Legends. And fair warning, it's written in the vernacular. Which vernacular is that? Well, you're going to find out. It was written by the dialect poet Samuel Laycock.

Now, Dickie, be quiet with thee, lad, and let navvies and railway be. Mon, thou shoudn't do so, it's too bad. What harm are they doing to thee? Deed folk shoudn't meddle at all, but leave these matters to th'wick. They'll see they're done greatly, I know. Dost ye what I'll say to thee, dick?

Poem. Spontaneous applause. Well done, John. Leave it to the wick. To th'wick. Is that the living? Is that what wick means? I feel like it's there because it rhymes with dick. There's the wick. Is that the living? Is that what wick means? Because I feel like it's there because it rhymes with dick.

There's a glossary. Oh, okay. Wick is weak, as in seven days. Right. Weak, as in not strong. Or quick, and there's an asterisk. The fact that wick can mean either weak or quick gives rise to a great controversy.

There's a well-known rhyme that goes, Derbyshire born and Derbyshire bred, strogg of the arm but wick of the head. Now, people from Derbyshire say it means quick, quick-witted. People not from Derbyshire say it means weak in the head. But the people from Derbyshire's defence is, no, we were saying that word wrong. What better way to get to the bottom of this than to go to Tunstead Farm yourself?

Don't worry, I haven't got coaches. Before you start, James, I've seen a few of your field reports and I just, if I can speak on behalf of the audience, is this going to be one where you uncover some solid gold or is this going to be another case of a confused dad wandering around fields going, oh there it is, no that's not it. For about two and a half minutes. Three minutes. And it was drizzling.

It was right up a hill as well. Yes. Once again, inconclusive. At this point, what you could do is pause your podcast and go open up the YouTube app and search for Field Report, The Screaming Skull. I think you might need to be more specific than that.

Field Report, searching for The Screaming Skull in Chapel-on-Lyfrith, or well, I've inadvertently searched for it now. Were you actually searching there? Yeah. So that works. I would have thought you'd have to say Lawmen or something. Or James Shakespeare, no? Just the title.

Nobody else has been there there's nothing else if you type that in nothing else comes up one hit yeah i think so there's not enough people looking for screaming skulls nowadays yeah the kids these days all their tiktoks and their skateboards and the virtual skulls they're just sort of mutter speak up they're all in the metaverse. The young people, the mutter verse, more like get your hair out your eyes. So people can watch the,

they can actually watch it. Yes. We can though. Yeah. Yeah. Actually watch it. I'll put the, you know what?

I'm going to put the link in the notes. That will make it easier for everybody. And now you've done that thanks very much yeah let's go back and listen to the fallout i think it went down very well oh yeah i think so too actually thanks for coming back james really thought you weren't going to come back i forgot to do the big sell for the second half. We're going to find out who is Dickie. Oh, yeah. It's like they haven't watched my video. So who was Dickie?

It was said that it was the skull of a trooper called Ned Dixon who fought in France against the French in the... Oh, I looked this up as well. In the Huguenot Wars. I mean, you know you're saying that wrongly. Huguenots. The Huguenot Wars. Huguenot.

Huguenot. Don't say the two. Huguenot. I'm saying that right. Huguenot. Huguenot. The Huguenot Wars. Huguenot, Huguenot. Huguenot. I'm saying that right. Huguenot? Huguenot. The Huguenot Wars. He fought bravely in the Battle of Ivory,

and he actually saved Lord Willoughby. It's really passive-aggressive the way you said that. He was badly wounded, and he lay on the battlefield all night, and he was not expected to survive. But he did recover, albeit in very poor health. There's only so much drama you can wring out of this, considering we know he becomes a skull. Yeah.

He was in two... Bad news about his arms, torso, legs, groin, feet. They're a write-off, but there is some good news. He was in too bad health to be a soldier, so he got sent home and he returned to his farm in Tunstead. Sorry, are you expecting a woo for Tunstead? Tunstead Farm.

He probably found the right one on the first go. Where his cousin, Jack Johnson, not the musician, the farmer from the past, was looking after the farm and to be honest, he believed Ned was dead. He's just his head rolling into the... No, he's still a full...

He's still a whole man. He's still a whole man, but he's just in very poor health. That's the same because he could have got home much cheaper if he'd just been ahead. Yeah. Just going on the shelf at the top of the train. Jack Johnson and Mrs. Jack Johnson were not very happy to see this cousin alive.

And they woken him back for the night. However, they cut his head off in that night and took possession of the farm. They buried him and carried on as if nothing had happened. And then the next day. That's not a lot of carrying on as if nothing had happened. If it happens the next day, what did they have time to do? Go to sleep.

Just sleep. Bury the body, woke up, and the head was standing upright on a stone in the farmhouse. Just the head. And it was, I quote, as wan and ghastly as when he was done. As when he was done. Unsurprisingly, his head still looked like the head of someone that had just been cut off from a body. Yeah, it's not like when you cut someone's head off and you think, actually, that really suits them.

It's just a really good look for them. Wow. Yeah, like's not like when you cut someone's head off and you think, actually, that really suits them. It's just a really good look for them. Wow. Yeah, like haircut? No. No, I've had my whole body cut. Off. Completely. It suits you.

You look well for it. Have you lost a bit of weight? Yeah, quite actually, loads. Most of it. Yeah, almost all the weight. And the head remained there for the rest of the couple's lives, the skin and flesh rotting away. They probably tried to put it, but every day it popped back up on that stone.

It wasn't like a spectre of their hands passed through. It was actually there physically. It was there mouldering, mouldering, and slowly, slowly turned into a skull. Looking at them with accusing eyes. And then accusing sockets after a bit. That's pretty spooky. And according to the poet, William Bennett, later on the wife was killed by the husband

and the husband was killed by a tree. Oh, a cure. How do you work these things out? Yeah, he was killed by an oak tree falling on him. Right. Yeah. So don't murder your cousin and stand near trees. That's another case of something being presented as if,

ah, justice, rather than just a random thing that happened, but after. But that's not the only story of who Dickie is, because there's another story from the peak district that there were two sisters who loved the same man and one sister murdered the other one and her her dying words the murdered one the dying words of the murderer were like it worked out well for me oh only that oak tree hadn't killed me is that an oak tree is that oak tree getting bigger and the dying Is that an oak tree? Is that oak tree getting bigger? And the dying word of the murdered one was that her bones would never rest in her grave.

And after the funeral, the farmhouse was haunted by frightful noises for many years and got unbearable. And then they remembered those dying words. And so they dug up the skull and put her head in a cheese vat at the bottom of the stairs. I still haven't found head in a cheese vat at the bottom of the stairs. I still haven't found out what a cheese vat is.

I'm guessing it's around head size, a little bit bigger. So there's a debate on whether it's a boy's skull or a girl's skull. Yes. And it's still called Dickie. And in 1950, Crichton Porteous wrote, how old it is, no one knows. But when it was examined some years ago by a medical man, it was said to show no sign of decay.

And he thought it was the skull of a girl of about 18 years. Doesn't really say what science bit he used for that. Probably a skull of a girl of about 18 years doesn't really say what science bit he used for that probably a skull of a girl yeah 18 years also medical man's a little bit vague isn't it a little yes like was he a doctor i don't like to use the word doctor i'm just more of a medical man give me a skull though i'll tell you what sex it was go 18 years 18 years, I reckon. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And its last reports were that Dickie has been quiet and that... Oh, weird, weird.

So the most recent reports, for instance, since the advent of sound recording, are that it doesn't do anything at all and it's just an object. And in a little bit

of research, I wish I'd done before I shot that video, the skull is not at the farmhouse anymore. Because that almost renders your field report a complete waste of time with no content whatsoever. Apart from you trying to riff with a sheep.

Yeah. I thought we had a thing going on me and that sheep. And it will remain quiet unless it is mocked. Uh-oh. At one time, a group of lads drank from the skull but received no punishment because it was said that Dickie was once young and foolish so didn't regard the prank as an insult.

Oh, yeah, he'd love that. To have people drink out of his skull. Let's just hope that she was into podcasts, really, and we're all safe. So, yeah, it turns out Dickie of Tunstead was maybe... What's the sort of feminine version of Dickie? Dickess? Dickalina?

Yeah, Dickalina. Dixaphene? So that's the story of Dickie of Tunstead on this Halloween night. It's about a lovely audience, but we've never had to prompt applause so hard. Wow. Should we score this? Should we score this? Yeah.

You ready? You ready to help us out? Yeah. Thanks very much. Okay. So, category one. I forgot the word category there. Category one.

Naming. Try not to take into account that whole thing I did about it being called Dickie, but it's actually a murdered sister. What do you think of naming? Well, Dickie's a good name. Dickie's a good name. Dickie of Tunstead. Just going to flick through to Darkus Wolfson.

An obvious fake name, but Crichton Porius. Crichton Porius. That's really good. Samuel Laycock. French for Samuel the Cock. Ouais. Ouais. Bon.

I like Father Ambrose because he sounds like he solves crimes. Oh, yeah. That's a good one. Yeah. And then has custard afterwards. It's like his thing. Like Kojak had the lolly. Yeah.

He just eats custard. It's just a big bowl of custard. It's too much custard. You know how it's the opposite of how Biff is to manure. He used to custard. A big cart of egg custard fell on him. He'd be like, I like this. More, more.

Om, nom, nom. I love custard. He talks a lot like you there. The sound of a giant. Yes, he was a big guy. Little giant. He was a little giant of a man. I like custard.

Ned Dixon. The huge nutsa-nuts. Huge. It sounds like you're trying to make them sound big, but then you have to admit they're not. They're huge-a-nuts. They're not. They're not. Huge-a-nuts. Huge or not. Mr. A Fox. Mr. A Fox.

Thank you very much. I think it's time to throw this to the crowd, because I think you had us with A Fox. Yeah, thanks. I reckon it's going to be high. Let's hear it. Who thinks it's... I'm going to start at four. It's quite exciting. Who thinks it's five? Whoa.

Hold on, hold on, hold on. Just one screaming skull. A lot of people waiting to see if other people thought it was five. It's four, James. Yes. Okay.

Cat the second, category two, supernatural. Supernatural. Well, it's extremely supernatural. You've got multiple screaming skulls. Yeah. You've got a field of grass getting scythed and then unscythed. Yeah. Like that.

A man hitting grass with a stick. Yeah. Explain that. A flipped wagon. A fully flipped wagon. How could a wagon flip over while travelling on a pitted farm road? Just couldn't happen. You've got a cow swallowing a train.

That was off the zone. Workman's tools getting messed with. Noises. Confused furniture. That's pretty good. I think it's high. Is it three? For the record, probably yeah.

There was a very confidently muttered probably, which I think some people who might have been going five are going to bring it down now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is it four? Is it five? That's a going five. I'm going to bring it down now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is it four? Woo! Is it five? Woo!

That's a strong five. Killed all the fish. My third category is olden times smart speaker. Like a non-proprietary version of Alexa? Yes, an Alexa or one of them googly ones. Yes. Yes.

What are they called? In our house, we call them what the words are that wakes them up, so I can't refer to them. Because if you play this, it'll wake it up. It'll wake up everyone's one. A bit like a screaming skull, so that's kind of out of point. Alexa, phone the police. I'm being killed. flip that wagon save that cow um and the there's the sort of burglar alarm

aspect it would also it would wake wake up the farmers so they didn't have to set an alarm or anything it would just like tap on the window, like, time for work. It would fully bridle horses if they had to go out in the horses. They'd wake up and the horses would be fully bridled. You didn't mention that when we did Supernatural. Wow. A skull fully

bridling a horse. Killed a load of fish. Alexa, kill those fish. Some reservoirs. Some fish. Thank you. Thank you. All right, I'm going to throw it to the assembled rabble. Who thinks it's three? Probably, yeah. Four. Three. Five.

Three. Oh, it's a strong... The people who went three look like fools. And, as ever, I haven't got another category, so we're going to have to source one. Oh, okay. Proud source, shall we do? A chat agree?

Anyone got a category for us? Some reservoir? Some fish. Is that a category for us? Some reservoir? Some fish. Is that a category? Can you have that as a category? I think I won't get a five for it, but I'd go with it. What about catchphrases? No, because I'll go skulls.

Everyone's got one. And then they're just going to give me one. Let's still do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, final category. Skulls. He's going to give me one. Let's still do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, final category. Skulls. Everyone's got one.

No, just back me up here. Is that what we agreed was going to happen? Or did we say we were going to do catchphrases? But it's too late. It's been entered into the ledger now. So for the benefit of the recording, we were going to do a different category. James has really, really stepped in it.

Yeah. I've really choked the cow on that one. So for the category of skulls, everyone's got one. It's going to be quite quick.

Who thinks it's five? Oh, it's actually quite strong. Everyone's got one. Who thinks... And there's's actually quite strong. Everyone's got one. Who thinks... And there's more than five people. Everyone's got one and there's more than five people. Who thinks it's five?

Three! It's five out of five, James. Because everyone's got one. Everyone's got one. Thank you. Everyone is more than five people. Thank you very much for coming. Give yourselves a round of applause for coming on.

Thank you very much for our wonderful tech team. We've got Kieran and Kate. Thank you. And thank you to the Bill Murray. And thank you, everyone. People watching on the live stream. Thank you. If you enjoyed all of that and want to hear more,

go to patreon.com forward slash lawmen pod and sign up there and there's a wealth of bonus episodes. Extra little bitlets. Oh, so many bitlets. There's bitlets from this episode, there's bitlets from previous episodes. It's bitlets, bitlets, bitlets. It's got as much content as a coffin full of fish.

Some podcasts, some bonus episodes. Mostly us getting the intro wrong. Yeah. But also some other funny stuff. It's a surprisingly hard intro to say. Especially given we've nearly said it 150 times successfully. It is still difficult. As anyone who's been to a live show knows,

because you never manage to say it correctly when they're looking. No! Do you think it's their fault? Yeah, I think it is. Must be. Some reservoir. Some fish. Yep. What a lesson. What a lesson.

No idea what that means. Nope. I think we should have on our gravestones, I should have some reservoir and you should have some fish. That's a good idea. That's a very, I mean, I'll run it past my wife. Okay. I don't know if you don't have,

do you not want to maybe make your own decisions? She doesn't listen to the podcast. Sorry, are you saying she might think saying she might not be happy with it saying some fish on your gravestone? No other information, just some fish. Yeah, not even my name. Just some fish. It would look like it was a gravestone of some fish.

Some fish. Like the unknown soldier. Like the unknown soldier soldier but way lower stakes RIP some fish