Loremen Podcast - S4 Ep50: Loremen S4Ep50 - Ghosts at The Dolphin, Penzance

Episode Date: July 6, 2023

The Loreboys are still in the county of Cornwall when they encounter a remarkably haunted inn named The Dolphin. And, steel yourself listener, because Alasdair not only visited the titular pub, he actually received a message from the other side. With extracts from Haunted Inns by Marc Alexander and Ghosts of Cornwall by (his eminence) Peter Underwood, there's a fair few chills for your spine. (Not to mention tickles for your ribs.) And, needless to say, there is a fair amount of hat chat. Pop on your tricorne and enjoy! Loreboys nether say die! Check the sweet, sweet merch here... https://www.teepublic.com/stores/loremen-podcast?ref_id=24631 Support the Loremen here (and get stuff): patreon.com/loremenpod ko-fi.com/loremen @loremenpod www.twitch.tv/loremenpod www.instagram.com/loremenpod www.facebook.com/loremenpod

Welcome to Lawmen, a podcast about local legends and obscure curiosities from days of yore. I'm James Shakeshaft. Whereas I am Alistair Beckett-King. Good use of whereas. Like to mix it up every now and again Well, Alistair, it's still the summer We're still on our holidays Am I still on my jolly holiday in Penzance?

We're on our podcast holiday down in Cornwall I've got a further story from Penzance A final third story? Yeah, it's the haunted Dolphin Inn No wait, I forgot that I can't do a dolphin impression Can you do an impression of a ghost dolphin? story. Yeah, it's the haunted Dolphin Inn. No, wait, I forgot that I can't do a dolphin impression. Can you do an impression of a ghost dolphin? There it is. I don't know how you make that noise.

All right there, Alistair. Hello, James. Hello, Rustic James. How's your trotter getting on then? How's my what getting on? How's your is your tractor getting on then how's my how's my what getting on how's your tractor getting on then my my my trotter trotter trotter yeah what what is what is that tractor tractor oh sorry you were using dialect yeah said in a a genuine country yeah accent wow brilliant Well done for going out there and getting a genuine countryside person

to voice that so accurately. There you go. Thanks, Giles. Yeah, Farmer Giles, actually. I've just realised, to me, Giles is not the sort of name of someone who talks like that. My name's Giles, is it, nowadays?

These days, no. Giles. They probably do have land. Anyway, my thoughts about the evolution of the name Giles is not what I'm here to talk to you about, Alistair. That's not the subject of this episode. Okay. It's not why I brought in an actual country man to do the introduction there. What is the subject? Well, we're still in Cornwall. We're in Penzance again. Are you lumbering towards a Cornish triptych, James? Yeah, I think we are. Three Cornish episodes. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Like a tricorn hat,

which a pirate might wear. Yeah. I was thinking about tricorn hats recently, and the advantage of a tricorn hat is someone tries to sort of knock your hat to a you know a funny angle it just clicks back around it's still facing forwards yeah that's the thing about a tricorn hat it's got three forwardses whereas another hat like a baseball cap would have to go 360 degrees to return to forwards whoa whoa yeah but you can wear it backwards you can wear it backwards if you're some kind of crazy rebel or a communist yes you could wear a baseball cap backwards. Who would do that? I suppose maybe...

The peak is to keep the sun out of your eyes. Or maybe keep it off the back of your neck. I suppose. If you're bending down concentrating on your marbles. Yeah, you might need peripheral vision for skating, for your skateboards. Or marbles. Or marbles. I suppose a beret or a beanie they've got.

That's true, yeah. Infinite. Was it zero things of rotation? Something like that, yeah. So either they're never facing forwards or they always are. Yeah. Or a Kangol hat. You could wear that at any angle.

That's the slogan for Kangol. Kangol, any angle. Any angle for a Kangol. We shouldn't give this away. But a tricorn hat, is it supposed to have the point at the front? Well, it's got three corns. Or one of the points at the front. Well, a corn is a horn, isn't it?

So I don't actually think it has any horns. I think, to my mind, it has three axes of symmetry i can't back that up with facts but is the point meant to be at the front is one are one of the points meant to be at the front yeah i think so i think so yes for aerodynamic reasons but when you see a pirate's a pirate's version yeah they're often sort of turned so that the flat side is the flat side on you and you get your your jolly roger yeah well that's a that's to display the jolly roger that they've put on there but also b that's the tricorn hat version of wearing a peaked cap backwards if you're a sort of uh bodacious bad boy it's because pirates were the bad boys of the seas, weren't they?

That's what they used to call them in olden times. They were catching air. They were doing ollies on their boats. Kickflips. They were collecting the letters of the words skate. That's the kind of thing skaters do. Yeah. When they came into port, they'd grind along the seawall on their boats.

Yeah. So have you got a tale for me about pirates, James? A pirate does feature. Ooh! Because we're in Penzance. Good. I'm taking us to a pub in Penzance. The Dolphin Inn.

James. Yes. I've been there. You've been there? I went to two pubs in Penzance. I went to the Admiral Ben two pubs in pennsylvania i went to the admiral benbo oh yeah which is named after admiral benbo who is famous for being mutinied against oh i don't know i often take the sides of the mutineers i think i think admiral benbo said well they were just

sailing about and he saw a french boat and he was like let's get them lads yeah and one boat in the fleet went yay anything for you, Admiral Bembo. And three other ships went, maybe we could stay alive and didn't attack the French ship. And he was defeated. And so the captains of the ships that went, I don't think so, were tried for mutiny for not dying, I think. I think that was what made them mutinous.

And I took a picture of it, which I put on Twitter, because the bricks and the mortar on the Admiral Benbow are inverted, so the mortar sticks out, which is from the stones, which is very confusing to look at. Yeah. And they have a dog there called Cloudsley Shovel. That's a lovely name. Named there called Cloudsley Shovel. That's a lovely name. Named after Sir Cloudsley Shovel.

Sir Cloudsley's Shovel. And I went to the Dolphin, and there's a ghost's message. What? I've got a ghostly message for you, James, from the Dolphin. Really? What is it? We went to the Dolphin because they've got good vegan options. Oh, yeah.

Which is a rare thing in Penzance. Mm-hmm. And on the chalkboard, you know many pubs have a chalkboard yeah and there's probably a fun drawing and maybe a witticism that's been stolen from twitter yeah or something like oh it's a good day to have some beer yeah or um this way pub that way i don't know, probably sharks. That's nice. And that's good for the coastal town as well. Potentially accurate. You'd have to make it bears if you were in a landlocked pub.

Yeah. Well, this, and I'm sending you a picture of this, James, and we can share this with the listeners, but I don't know if they'll want to see it because it's such a terrifying image in a ghostly hand, in what can only be described as a ghost's handwriting. The board, it doesn't have the menu, doesn't have a witticism, doesn't have a little drawing.

It says, and I don't know how to read this because some of the letters are not recognisably human language. Yeah. It says, I think it says, Are you a friend? Yes. I think it's trying to say, are you a friend? Like, are you friend? Are you friend?

I thought it said either, are you male? Which is Italian for pig. Are you an Italian pig? I think it's meant to say, are you there? Are you there? So they're trying to reach us, James. We were the ghosts. Oh, no.

We were the ghosts. And now I'm a ghost via WhatsApp. Are you there? Are you there? Are you there? But it starts off well. Are you is perfectly clear. Yes.

No ambiguity. Carry on with the story. So I just wanted to share a ghostly message with you and to prove that I had been to the pub with a close-up of a blackboard that could only have been taken in the Dolphin Inn. Just a quick Admiral Benbow sidebar. Is that the one that's got the pirate in the roof? Yes.

Admiral Benbow has a... Not a real pirate. No. Some kind of plasterwork, fibreglass effigy of a pirate on the roof. And it takes a while before you notice it.

On the inside, it's highly decorative, full of ships' wheels and lanterns and... Ships don't need wheels. They go on water. They're having you on. Sorry, I made a fool of myself.

They're having you on. Sorry, I forgot that you were a maritime gent. I've got a couple of recordings of these tales. One of them is from Haunted Inns by Mark Alexander. Good old Mark Alexander. The 70s book with the pictures, men with ciggies pointing at walls. Yeah.

And the dolphin penzance features in there it it describes it as having an atmosphere so salty that treasure island could be filmed there with hardly any adaptation is that accurate for you yeah well it wasn't that salty it wasn't that salty when i was there that said the admiral benbow Benbow was sort of almost deliberately quaint, so not plausibly period, whereas this felt more traditional. This place contains a couple of ghosts, because it's also written up in Ghosts of Cornwall by Peter Underwood. President of the Ghost Club.

President of the Ghost Club Society. Society, sorry, not the actual Ghost Club. Former president of the Ghost Club. Former president of the Ghost Club. Former president of the Ghost Club. We don't know what happened, we don't talk about it. No. It's not for us to speculate about what happened there. But something did.

The first ghost is called the Captain or George. I have to say, the Captain is a better name. Than George? Yeah. Yeah, probably. For a ghost. Nothing against any Georges listening. I'm not criticising, I'm just saying.

Yeah, no criticism to any Georges. It's not the spookiest name. It's not a very spooky name, probably. For a ghost. Nothing against any Georges listening. I'm not criticising. I'm just saying. Yeah, no criticism to any Georges. It's not the spookiest name. It's not a very spooky name, George. This is the ghost of an old sea captain who wears a tricorn hat. Nice. With lace ruffles and big brass buttons down the front of his coat. Ooh. He seemingly wears heavy boots because his footsteps are heard.

And they always follow the same route. And then the whizzing of his tricorn hat around. It's facing forwards. It's forwards again. It's back to forwards. It's always forwards. It's either pirate forwards or captain forwards. But his footsteps go from the window upstairs

across the top of the bar to the back of the building. Always in one line, like a pipe would be in the line, maybe. And the other ghost is that of a young man with fair hair who's seen in one of the bedrooms. And in 1873, a young man did actually die. According to the Royal Cornwall Gazette of the 8th of February 1873, he fell from the loft all the way to the cellar floor. Ooh. Yeah. Ugh.

How? Well, it says at the back of the cellar there's like an open space like the bottom of a well. It seems like there's some sort of lift shaft type effect. This is just the falling hole. We don't use that. Yeah, it's got no practical use. That's just the hole that stretches from the very top to the very bottom of our house. And we

just keep that there. Just in case anyone fancies falling. Yeah. Just for a little fall. Wow. Also in that cellar there's a tunnel with an archway of six feet high which has been sealed by large blocks of granite. Mmm. And they think that might have been a smuggler's tunnel.

Yeah. Because when they were doing some redecorating, they found a smuggler's hiding place with two casks of rum in it. Really? How old was the rum? It was before Best Before Dates. Oh, wow. That old?

Yeah. Could you still drink it? Did they drink it? It doesn't say if they drank it. It should say. That should be your first question, Peter. Good point, wow. That old? Yeah. Could you still drink it? Did they drink it? It doesn't say if they drank it. It should say. That should be your first question, Peter. Good point, actually. Peter Ormark.

Ormark. There was also a secret room in the roof. So where did the secret room in the roof lead? Because you can't really tunnel that far through a roof before people start to notice. Just a little sort of spare cupboard, just in case. People would hear the noises of dragging in the dead night and whispers from empty rooms and once they found bits of old oldie worldie tobacco

in a room that was formerly occupied by two elderly maiden ladies so this is according to the chambermaid. When I went in to clean out, I was surprised to find tobacco ash scattered about the floor. It struck me as strange that two such nice ladies should not bother to use the ashtrays. And what was even stranger, that they should use coarse pipe tobacco,

the old-fashioned sort, in long strips. So there's two possibilities here. One is that between the departure of those two women and the cleaning person coming in, a ghost came and smoked some historical pipe tobacco in the room.

Uh-huh, go on. Well, I don't think we need to go on. Or an obvious case of classic secret historical lesbians going around the country... Smoking their pipes. Probably on motorbikes, smoking pipes. Wearing tweed, shooting clay pigeons,

and making mordant observations. Well, you say that, but the chambermaid goes on to say... They weren't lesbians. I checked. Oh, naturally, I checked if they were lesbians and they weren't. No. It says, when they left, the room remained vacant. But after a couple of days, I went into dust to make sure everything was all right.

And there, just as it had been when the two ladies were there, was a scattering of tobacco. Okay. It was as though someone had knocked out their pipe so that the tobacco and ash were everywhere. Well, at least I know enough now not to blame the old ladies. Okay, fair enough. I saw what I wanted to see. Lesbian tobacco ash? Yes.

Two motorbiking elderly lesbians. When was this? Was it from the period when motorbikes exist? The 70s. Oh, the 1970s. Oh, yeah. It could have been... So I was thinking it was like the 1870s

and they had to secretly travel around in a carriage together. You go, gals. But, Alistair, there's a little fact I also didn't tell you about this pub. It's reputed to have been the place that Sir Walter Raleigh smoked the first pipe smoked in England. I've heard that. But I think I also heard that it was nonsense. But carry on.

You're going to be telling me there's no such thing as pipe-smoking ghosts next. Sorry, carry on, carry on, please. Also, Judge Jeffreys. You're aware of Judge Jeffreys, the hanging judge? I've heard of Judge Jeffreys in my readings around Cornwall, but go ahead. He seems to crop up everywhere, so I think we should do a whole other episode on Judge Jeffries, aka the hanging judge. But he apparently at one point held court there,

kept prisoners in the basement, and presumably sentenced people to hanging because it was very much his thing. Yeah, I just, I don't think that's a fun quirk for a judge. I find people guilty. I'm a hanging judge. I'm a bad judge. I can't do my job. You want to be like the unpredictable judge.

If you were going to be a quirky judge, you'd be mercurial. At least, you know, people want to stay to the end. Yeah, yeah. So Mark Alexander in Haunted Inn interviews Brian and Mary Clark, who are the couple who are running the inn at the time that he visits. And they'd only been running it for six months, but in those six months, they'd seen plenty of ghosts. Mary says, I saw him twice in one week.

For some days before, my husband and I and our small son had been strangely restless. I do not know how to describe the feeling, but it was a very unusual one for us. Then one night, in the early hours really, I woke up and saw a figure standing at the foot of the bed. It was a young man with fair hair. At first I was terrified as I thought someone had broken in and I remember wondering why the front door had not been barred properly. Then I felt my fear leave me and as I did so the figure just melted away. The second time it was just the same this time i opened my eyes and sat bolt upright now i recognized the figure at the foot of the bed

and i spoke to him but as before it faded away brian woke up in time to hear me speaking to the figure but by the time he was fully awake it was gone it's interesting that each time the ghost disappeared after my fear abated. It's also interesting that when she was in bed. That is interesting, isn't it? Yeah. What's the connection between being asleep and seeing things that aren't there? We may never know.

Ghosts. Ghosts, yeah. Sometimes a ghost will wake you up. Alistair in room four. Next door to room five. I know where four comes. Thank you very much good patronise me

oh I've just lost my place in room four room four as I say next door to room five which is spooky tobacco room the spooky which is the spooky tobacco room there is a haunted cushion

oh you built that up nicely I enjoyed that. People notice a mysterious depression, don't we all? In the cushion and they shake it out. Yeah. Put it back and it reappears as if someone has been sitting. Is sitting on that cushion. In the chair on that cushion.

Is that a haunted cushion or is that just a bad cushion? Just an old cushion that needs replacing. Yeah, a slightly flat cushion is not that rare in my experience. You shake it out and I, well, it says

that it looks like someone's sitting there and these are politer books than me. I think it's got full-on bum dentations. Oh, so someone's actually sitting naked

with a visible cleft, is that what you're saying, in the buttock depressions? Yes, actually sitting naked with a visible cleft is that what you're saying in the buttock depressions yes i think it's a visible visible bum indentation it's it's being ruched in the center yes being pinched wow apparently also in room five there's sometimes a similar phenomena happens in the bed as if someone is sleeping in that bed. An invisible man, if you will. Sleeping in your bed? Yes. Yeah. So those are a few of the ghosts of the Dolphin Inn in Penzance.

Wonderful. What an atmospheric pub. With a terrific vegan menu. Many of the pubs, including the Admiral Bedbow, have a vegan option. You know, I'm not complaining. But the Dolphin,

particularly good particularly they've got like they've got all the allergens and everything there all the information you need they've got all that information and they've got enough spare blackboard to have ghostly messages yeah are you afraid are you are you afraid are you afraid what if we'd written yes? Oh, yeah, that's a good point. You might just get some troll ghosts, though. Yeah. But if you were a ghost and you got sucked into a seance, you'd just riff a bit, wouldn't you?

And you'd be like, yeah, I found the grace. Yeah, probably. How did I die? Exploded. Exploded. I was reading, I think it was, I'm not sure if it was the dolphin but it was it was talking about

one pub that when it was redecorated there was a lot of ghostly shenanigans and you often hear that don't you that when there's a period

of redecoration yeah ghosts hate that I get a bit stressed as well but I think that's maybe because ghosts have seen fads come and go they're like no flock is not good.

Chipboard? You're gluing it on? You're going to regret that. Artex on the ceiling? You have to take the whole house down and that'll still be there. And it'll be illegal in a bit. Yeah. Doing the spongy thing.

Don't scumble a wall. No, don't do anything to your house that's got the word scum in it. Don't cover up that nice old fireplace. So I think maybe the ghosts are right. Fair point, ghosts. Don't fill in your mysterious tunnel that goes all the way from the attic to the cellar. Or put any kind of warning. Don't put a handrail there.

I want some friends. Don't put a handrail there. I want some friends. So, yeah. Are you, like a ghost Lawrence Llewellyn Bowen, ready to judge me? Yes. I imagine he's quite judgy. Yeah, I'm not sure why Lawrence Llewellyn Bowen was brought up there.

Because of the interior decoration. Oh, right, yes. Big judgmental and interior decor. Yeah. Yes, yes I am. I'll get my cuffs all ruched. If anyone can remember what Lawrence Llewellyn Bowen looked like, he looked like a cavalier. You could picture him in a tricorn hat, to be honest. He would look good in a tricorn hat.

Forward or backward, or on the side, which is probably forwards or backwards again. Yeah, that's the good thing about a tricorn hat. Exactly. Okay, so first category. Mm-hmm. Naming. Names. Yeah. tricorn hat exactly okay so first category naming names yeah well i'm going to include admiral benbo and sir cloud's lee shovel even though i brought them up because sir cloud's lee shovel naming a dog cloud's lee shovel is a good name for a dog because they're very good at digging as our shovels. Yeah. And then when the dog dies, digging in heaven. Oh, he would be.

He would be. I also like a knighted dog. I like it when dogs have, you know. I don't know if the dog was called Sir Clownsley Shovel or if the dog was just called Clownsley, now that I think about it. But probably that's his full name, Sir Clownsley Shovel. Yeah.

So which names did you contribute to the story was the dolphin pub great names dolphin inn sorry it is an inn you can stay there uh just brian and mary clark and george or the captain uh brian and mary clark i i'm sorry i don't think i've ever heard worse names well honestly i think it's a i think it's a two out of five and and two a significant portion of that was the names i mentioned moving swiftly on then to category two supernatural it's category two which is next to category one it is supernatural well where did that tobacco come from i can tell you one thing it wasn't lesbians no we know that because we checked yes Yes. That's pretty suspicious.

Mm-hmm. How did they identify that the tobacco was historic? Is it the shape of it? It was the type of tobacco that you don't get in long strips, which is not like that anymore. Mm. Now it's all sort of scraggly like a beard. Yeah, like a bad beard.

I don't really know much about tobacco. I've just seen it. How are the ghosts of the future going to leave, like, disposable vapes? Yeah, when you get... Oh, it's the smell of rhubarb and custard. Oh, vanilla. Oh, Grandad, he loved a vape.

The footsteps. Footsteps, yep. Clonk, clonk, clonk. An extra fax to those footsteps that I didn't mention before. You're slipping in extra facts during the scoring section. When Brian Clark heard those footsteps, they were clearly the sound of boots on floorboards. It took him a little while to realise where he heard the footsteps from

was carpeted. Oh. Mmm. Mmm. Oh. Mm. Mm. So it was walking on the historic floorboards. Mm. So you've got ghostly feet there and ghost floorboards. Yes.

Whispering from empty rooms. That's pretty spooky. Yeah, the whispering from empty rooms is good. The sound of dragging, historical smuggling. My question to you, James, is are there any pictures of Brian and Mary pointing at the places where these things occurred? Well. Because I don't know if I can really believe in a haunting

until I've seen a grainy black and white photograph of an unenthusiastic publican pointing into the area where it happened. Ah, there's Mary Clark and a local. Oh, that's, I mean, that is actually very dramatically framed. The local sort of in the foreground in profile, necking a pint with one of those old pint glasses with the big handle and the sort of, you know like windows you know the way those are wibbly wibbly window glass yeah yeah i'm sure that's probably a name for it there's

a name for everything isn't there there's a poster advertising the fancy dress in hooli or a fancy dress hooli a very flattering photograph of mary yeah she's giving a big smile she's not pointing at anything mary Mary Clark at work at the Dolphin, unperturbed by footsteps and a phantom. And presumably that guy drinking the pint is a regular rather than a phantom. He's not the phantom. They're not saying that.

He's unperturbed by this terrifying spectral visage. So it's a four out of five, because I also received a ghostly message myself in the Dolphin. I only went in there to have a spinach pie. Fair enough. If I can be haunted in that amount of time, imagine how much more haunted you could be within six months. Well, they were only there six months and they've already had three incidents with two different ghosts. So if we extrapolate that out into the full length

that that pub has existed, it's off the charts, James. It's off the charts. Yeah. If we had a gauge, it would be going... Steam would be coming out of the gauge. If we had a thermometer outside a church, it would be red all the way up to the top.

All the way up to the top. So it's four. Not five. Not five because there weren't actually that many ghosts, but still a good four. Okay, then. My next category is a terrible habit. Oh.

So is that smoking is a terrible habit? I said smoking, yeah. Yeah. I strongly, I disapprove of smoking. Mm-hmm. I was one of those square kids. You know, the kids who really hate smoking. You're like, you shouldn't smoke.

It's good. I mean, I say I was. I am now one of that, but an adult. Square adult. Just a square adult, yeah. It's also littering. They could have at least used the ashtray. And there is one in that picture with Mary.

I think, in a way, the most dangerous habit of all is falling down lift shafts. That's a terrible habit. It's a terrible habit. Yep. It's very difficult to actually form as a habit. Yes, I suppose that's the one thing it's got in its favour. You don't get habituated to it that easily.

Just say no. If other kids, James, are saying, oh, do you want to go down a lift shaft? Do you want to fall down a lift shaft? Do you want to fall down a lift shaft? Do you want to fall down a lift shaft? We're all doing it. Just go home. Clomping around in your boots at night time,

that's a bad habit. That's a terrible habit. Take your shoes off. This is a boots off in. Yes, please. I don't know, smuggling. We're kind of broadly on the side of the oldie worldie smugglers, aren't we?

It's very hard to be on the side of the excisemen when it comes to smuggling. Especially when you're into folk stories. Oh, yeah. They are inevitably the baddie. Except wreckers. Oh, wreckers. Jamaica Inn style wreckers. Those people, that is unacceptable.

That is a bit much. Yeah, that is almost literally murder, sinking a ship on purpose. No, no, no. That is a bad habit. Yeah. I'm as judgmental about that. If I were in Jamaica Inn, I'd be like, stop smoking pipes, it's bad for you. Are you wrecking ships?

You shouldn't do that. Turn that tricorn hat so one of the corns are facing the front, please. It's the same. Any one of them. You've got three to pick. I mean, if this had been a monastery or if there had been a ghost monk, this would have been a way better category. But it wasn't.

Yeah, it's very hard to actually work a pun into this. Yeah. Well, it is a bad habit, and I am quite judgmental. So I'm inclined to go... I really think you've provided me a two's worth of material, but I'm going to go for a three. Yes. And my final category...

Okay. I'm rubbing my hands together with glee now, in anticipation of a strong final category. Depressed furniture. Depressed furniture, yeah. Right. Because of the bum cleft in the old cush. We've got the haunted cushion.

Yep. Yes. We've got the invisible man sleeping in your bed. And the idea of ghosts not being happy at redecoration. Yeah. Yes. Hmm. Hmm. There's not. Hmm. Hmm.

There's not that much. What was the furniture like when you were there? Was it uplifting? Well, no, it wasn't thrilling. No criticism of the pub. It was your usual upholstered benches around the outside, you know, sort of built into the walls. But we sat in a smaller sort of annex room

because it was quite busy with standard wooden dining chair type chairs. Yeah. So I wouldn't say they were depressed. No, depressed. No. Okay. Although the blackboard did ask me if I was a friend. Yeah.

Or a friend. A friend. So perhaps it was feeling a little down and was just reaching friend. Yeah. Or a frere. So perhaps it was feeling a little down and was just reaching out. Yeah. Maybe that's what the ghosts are doing. They're just reaching out. Yeah. Oh, that's really sad. You can't end the podcast on such a sad note.

Probably stop hunting them. Yeah, ghost hunters. What about ghost carers? You want to be like the people who feed bees with a little bit of sugar water? I'm sure it puts us in with the Wokorati. But guys, stop hunting ghosts. And it is guys. Stop hunting ghosts.

Apart from Yvette Fielding. Yeah, I'm sick of seeing some billionaire with his foot up on a ghost on social media. It's disgusting. Did you hear that billionaire said he would fight a ghost in a cage fight? Probably. Yeah, it's got to be five out of five then. I mean, I don't think it is, but I feel like I've been a little bit strict with you today.

And you were so generous last week. So I'll go for a sympathy five. How about that? Yes. Yeah? That is. Which you and I and the listener knows doesn't really count yeah so anybody keeping a spreadsheet i want a footnote saying it was probably actually

a three you want an asterisk an asterisk i want a harvard style referencing it wasn't what is this harvard referencing you said it last week and i mentioned harvard referencing i laughed along like i knew what it meant but i think i now i need to admit that i don't know what that means oh it's a form of uh if you're doing referencing in an essay for a university you you might use harvard style referencing which is how's it which i think is uh it's not a footnote harvard style the references go at the end which is actually much more annoying yeah you gotta keep flick flick flick flick flick flick flick i i've had a couple of books that do that they got the asterisks and then it's got and then you get to the end and i just ignore it because it's not at the bottom of the page yeah so i'm like oh it must just be like you know a book

title or something you get to the end it's like a full paragraph of a whole bonus story, but you can't remember what it's in reference to. No, it's annoying. We're still, it's like in the appendix, but I'm not flipping to page 350 to find out. Oh, I've got to keep a finger in there. It's going to fall asleep,

this finger. Yeah, it's ridiculous. I'm not Steve Fingers. How many fingers do you think I've got? I think I'm made of fingers, like a revolting finger Frankenstein, like a Michelin man, a pink Michelin man. For all things.

Made of thick human fingers. Is he sort of scuttling around? Yes, yeah. He doesn't walk. He's copied us, but he doesn't know how we move. If you look closely. The feet just wriggle and he moves like that without actually moving his legs. It's all little fingers sticking out the bottom.

Yeah. He wears Crocs. Is that what the holes are for in Crocs? To act so that the fingers can access the ground. That's what the holes in Crocs are for. So five out of five. Yes. Simply five. Footnote, simply five. But a five nonetheless.

What a lovely holiday. What a great time. What a nice holiday. I suppose if anyone else is visiting Cornwall, or Penzance specifically, they'd pop this podcast on and... Yeah. Oh, that'd make the train journey fly by

but what if they've run out what if after all that they've run out of things to listen to Alistair how can they listen to more surely there has to

be more there has to be more there must be more law nonsense from little James yes we abk we abk

well you could go to patreon.com forward slash lawmen pod and there you can sign up and get bonus episodes and access to the law folk discord we can chat with like-minded law folks yes the greatest prize of all within the things that the patreon offers yeah and all the bonus episodes.

What was that? It's a dolphin. That was an actual dolphin. A real dolphin? A pub. Wow. Did that farmer bring it? Yes.

Sorry, Joe. He actually rode in on a dolphin. He just wanted to come and say, join that Discord or join them on Patreon.com forward slash. Dot com. Dot com. Dot com.