Love Life with Matthew Hussey - 12: Just Broke Up? This Conversation Will Give You the Closure You Need (feat. Girls Gotta Eat)

Episode Date: March 27, 2020

“Is there anything I can do to rekindle the relationship with my ex?” It’s one of the biggest questions we have after a breakup. And if you’re finding yourself losing sleep at night, replaying conversations and events, wondering if there was anything you could have said or done to keep the relationship… then this episode is for you. It’s an example of a conversation you can have that will empower you to either rekindle your relationship with your ex… or get the closure you want so you can move on. P.S. I had the best time with Ashley ( and Rayna on the Girls Gotta Eat Podcast! Tap here to subscribe on iTunes! Follow the @GirlsGottaEatPodcast, Ashley @AshHess, and Rayna @Rayna.Greenberg. - Follow Matthew @thematthewhussey - Follow Stephen @stephenhhussey Download the free guide to dating after heartbreak at 3SecretsToLove.com!     

And I think what people need is to be able to sleep at night. And there are productive conversations you can have with someone that will allow you to sleep at night. Well, hey everyone, it is your host Stephen Hussey here on the Love Life Podcast. Today, we are going to be covering the thorny issue of breakups and specifically closure after a breakup. It is very, very common for us to receive emails and messages from women who have recently, they're in the midst of that devastating pain after a relationship has ended. Maybe it's against their will. It was instigated by their partner. And they're going through all those stages of grieving after a relationship, but they haven't yet accepted that the relationship's over.

And they're still wondering, maybe rightly so, could this be fixed? And especially if you've made mistakes and you have certain behaviors that you realize maybe drove your partner away or things you can work on or you think just the relationship is worth giving it another shot,

that's a very, very difficult place to be. It can lead to a lot of anxiety, a lot of sleepless nights, a lot of fear. So Matthew recently talked about this on the Girls Gotta Eat podcast. And I really want you to hear this conversation because I think it's going to help anyone out there who's wondering, is there something I can say at this point to at least give it one more chance or to at least have one more shot at trying to work on things and I think this is going to help a lot of people and if you want to listen to the entire conversation covered in this clip then you can actually hear the full thing at the girls gotta eat podcast It's hosted by Raina Greenberg and Ashley Hesseltine.

It's a really cool podcast on comedy, sex, dating, relationships from a female perspective. It's super fun. You can go download it or subscribe at iTunes, Spotify, Stitcher, all those places podcasts are. That's Girls Gotta Eat podcast, and you can go listen to the whole episode with Matt there. All right. Onto the clip. We're going to jump in now. I'll see you soon. One of the things that really freaks people out in a breakup is one of the reasons they're looking for closure is, is there anything I can still do? Like I could fix this. I could, I need them back. So there's, there's that element to it. And I think what people need is to be able to sleep at night. And there are productive conversations you can have with someone

that will allow you to sleep at night. For example, you saying to the person that's just broken up with you very calmly and in a neutral way, I care about you deeply and I love you deeply. And I believe that I'm willing to give to this relationship on a level that is irreplaceable. And I know that there are things that you must wish were different about this relationship or you wouldn't be ending it. I'm prepared to do everything in my power to work on things that I need to work on. If there is anything that is genuinely falls into my lap that I need to work on, I am willing to do that work because this relationship matters to me. If you want to make this work and you care about me and love me on the level that I do you, I trust that you'll give us a shot based on that.

But if you genuinely don't want to fight for this or don't even want to allow me to fight for this, then you must be right. This must be the wrong relationship. So I can't make you say yes to trying this again, but I can tell you what I'm willing to do and what I would love to do to make this work. And other than that, I'm going to have to, I'll be moving on unless you tell me otherwise. I think that's totally fair. And it sounds confident to me. Because people, like, let's be real here. People break up, they get back together, they get married, they're together forever. It happens. Of course it does.

I don't totally believe once it's called a breakup because it's broken. I mean, I own the book, whatever. But I just think sometimes people don't have the tools to express their needs and things like that. And a lot of times it is totally over forever. But when you still have a lot

of love for somebody and there's work that could be done, I think that conversation is really important. And what keeps people up at night is the idea that, well, what if, it's the question. Could I have done this? What if I should have done something? So ask the person. Yeah. You tell me what it is because I'm willing to fight for this and I would love to know.

But if you don't want to fight for us, I can't do it. Then I can't help us. But to me, that's a very confident way of saying that. I think people are very afraid to say that. Everybody is. You know, I said to somebody once,

I'll change everything about myself to be with you for one more minute. And that was somebody I was engaged to. But I think just in general, the way that you phrased it is very confident and there's no shame in saying, hey, I want to work on this

and I work on me. If you really don't think that that's the case, then I'm fine to walk away too. And that sounds like you still hold the power, even though you're being super vulnerable. And then just to tie it back in, I think you walk into that conversation knowing that the

person could say there's nothing you can do. You have to. But it's like, then you get to sleep at night. But that's the purpose. The purpose isn't getting them back. The purpose is to sleep at night. Yeah. vulnerability where you actually get to be able to clearly state how you're feeling to someone, be open, but also be able to do it in a way that's strong, that keeps your power, that doesn't leave you in the situation where you're, you know, the mistake most people make where they get desperate when they want to try and rekindle a relationship and they badger the person incessantly and they blow

up their phone and they're constantly there and then they push the person away even more and everything ends even more ugly than it could have to begin with so this is such a great way of getting that closure you need if you need to have that conversation have it do it and then you're ready to start rebuilding and moving on and when you're ready to do that go and check out our guide 3secretstolove.com because that's for anyone who's had their heart broken and you feel like your heart's bruised it's in intensive care and you need to actually start the process of healing of getting back out there and even if you're not ready to find love immediately this is how you take the first step,

which is self-care, which is putting yourself around people who nourish you again and starting to actually take proactive steps so that you could be open to a future relationship, even if you're not gonna be ready for a while. Okay, that is all from me. Again, that guide is at 3secretstolove.com I'm heading out now

take care of yourself take care of your heart have the conversation you need to have and I'll see you very soon all right have a week I'm looking for love.