Love Life with Matthew Hussey - 126: When To Quit A Relationship + What We Can Learn From The Dark Side of Anthony Bourdain

Episode Date: July 31, 2021

Matt and Steve sit down to discuss: - Why we stay in relationships longer than we should - When we should quit the wrong relationship - The inspiring and tragic legacy of Anthony Bourdain --- Follow Matt @thematthewhussey Follow Stephen @stephenhhussey --- If you haven't locked in your place for the next Virtual Retreat this September 24-26, then now is the time.   Claiming your place this month will enter you into an exclusive drawing for the chance to receive one of three free tickets to the Virtual Retreat OR the grand prize of an exclusive 1:1 coaching session with me!   Go to MHVirtualRetreat.com to secure your spot.    

we're back baby another podcast and the same brother, Stephen Hussey. Same brothers, new pod. How you doing, Chief? I'm Matthew Hussey. This is, for those of you just tuning in for the first time, me and my brother Stephen Hussey, we host this together, don't we? And Steve, I think it's safe to say we've been putting a lot more love into the podcast of late. Love and care and heaps of sugar, baby.

I don't know what that means, but... I was thinking of a cake. I was thinking of a cake, but... Right. Well, we're back with more episodes of this thing that we're doing. And we're trying to, you you know just play with the format a little bit and your feedback is always welcome on that steve where do people send their feedback podcast at matthewhussie.com if you send some feedback they're letting us know what do you

like most about the podcast what what are the what's the format you enjoy the most you know do you enjoy steven blathering on about random cake metaphors or do you prefer us just to get straight to it? Or do you like it? You know, let's see. Let's hear the opinions. And what do you want us to talk about and where do you want us to go with these episodes? Do you like it when we talk just about love life? Do you like it when we expand out and talk about life in general? We want to hear from you because this is really the only place, Steve, that we get to do this. It's not like our members area where we're specifically giving coaching and answering questions with live callers and people sending

in their questions. That's for the members. The podcast is us, I suppose, talking about various subjects we think might be either useful or interesting to people. Indeed. That email again is podcast at MatthewHassee.com. Very good. I thought we'd start with a couple of reviews, Steve, that people have sent in. There's a Ord Knows Best sent in a review about the halftime episode, Steve. Very popular episode, the halftime episode we did, which you'll see in the titles of our podcast recently. Matthew and Stephen are incredible. For starters, just listening to them weekly, giving incredible advice intermixed with their brotherly banter, there's someone who likes it, Steve, is just spectacular. They never fail to put a smile on my face. I also want to thank them for their recent half-year episode where they talk about measuring up, especially in this world today with so many content creators and podcasts. As someone who just entered the life coaching space,

it's easy to get into the headspace of, well, why would people choose me? What could I possibly offer that these other thousands of people don't already offer? But they shed some light and serious insight on this whole comparisonitis topic, not only comparing to others, but also to that person you think you should be.

They helped me see that just by showing up as my authentic self and owning it, I will inherently attract and appeal to the right people. These guys are brilliant, extremely relatable, and never cease to dazzle me with their humor and insights about dating and life itself. Would highly recommend to anyone looking for dating and or general life advice. Thank you, guys. Isn't that a lovely review and or general life advice thank you guys isn't that a lovely review steve well thank you is it order knows best because it certainly does know do it certainly does know best uh thank you for that odd um yeah and if for anyone who wants

to leave a review itunes is the place where you can go and leave us a review we are reading them matt i'll give you a i know one you don't have access to or you probably don't see did you know itunes gives you different reviews as regarding your territory so if you type in give me a if you type in a british review steve if you type in different country codes you can see the different countries of use so on the gb one uh we have a review from bullen de j, a collection of letters. Laughing and learning. The Hussie boys are like the brothers I never had.

They tell it straight, but they also have real compassion and empathy for the women they are helping, and they're genuinely funny. The dating world can feel like the muddiest of Glastonbury festivals for me. That is a seasonal festival for those of you not in the uk

very popular one worth staying worth staying in it for the highs but my god can it tire you out and dampen your morale matthew and his team helped to make me better more empowered decisions and i am constantly learning through watching and listening to their content keep it up guys that's really lovely uh and she really did give away that you you that really was a regional reference with glastonbury so i know you're not lying when you say that uh that was a uk-based review yeah can we have one from libya now yeah i can search that up yeah okay look that up in the meantime what should we talk about today well ste I someone I was I was training the other day and the person I was training with said to me you know Matt why is it that people tend to

hold on to relationships longer than they should and why so often do those people, when they leave a relationship, immediately jump into another one? Like there's this uncanny ability to find someone within mere weeks of your breakup and then jump straight into another relationship. How do you see this? I've heard it called before a long time ago, monkey branching, where you don't want to let go of... Well, I suppose that's the idea of not letting go of the existing branch until you have another one lined up. So I suppose monkey branching might be a little more referential of the idea of literally teeing someone else up before you leave but there's a similar concept going on there what do you think's happening with the people who just jump into one in relationship from another well let's start with why why why do you think someone won't let go of a relationship

i think the won't letting go one is more common in a way because i think we as human beings struggle to let go of things when we should. There's a famous psychological bias called the sunk cost fallacy. Or the, what is it? Loss aversion effect, right? It's endowment effect they call it. Where the things we have are hard to let go of even when they're bad for us. That could be a job you should quit.

It can be a relationship. It can be possessions it's we instinctively feel the pain of the thing we have if we lose it oh no maybe that thing was essential to my survival maybe that was a terrible decision and i can't get it back and you know when you're in a relationship i think a comedian made this joke once, like, no one leaves a relationship at the moment the relationship actually goes terrible. Everyone waits another six months at least until they finally pack it in. Well, let's just pause on that for a moment. the counter argument to that would be if i left the moment things were bad then i'm the kind of person that doesn't try to get through difficult times in a relationship no but it might be the moment if every if every relationship is going to go through difficult times and i leave as soon as it's bad, then I'm a runner, I'm a quitter.

So then it brings up the question, how long should it be bad for before you leave? Well, that's it, right? I think it's more that people don't leave when they realize there's no repair for this relationship. When people have even accepted or they think i don't think this thing is going to change or this has gone on too long they we still drag it out a bit longer um so it's too long though well because we might think there's no way to actually be happy in this relationship or there's no way to get my needs met and we still kind of dither on making the painful choice sometimes that's just because we know that's going to go horribly as a and the conversation is going to be horrible sometimes

it's because we secretly are just scared that we're making a bad decision or we're we're frightened of how we will now figure out our lives and identity without this person because there's there's a whole rebuilding that goes on and it's like it's like preparing for you know it's like preparing for a big dive or something you gotta like i gotta strap my oxygen tank on i gotta be ready i gotta be prepped and trained because um once i go down there i'm i'm not gonna come back up for a while so So I've got to be ready. Or you might be telling yourself they're going to change or the situation is going to change. And I think a big question on a lot of people's minds is, am I being crazy for thinking this is going to change?

And at what point do I give up on the idea that this is going going to change yes you know when is the right time to decide this is not going to change or when is the right time to decide to throw in the towel on a relationship that you're trying to fix it's it's a hard it's hard it's a hard decision um i have to say more often i see people though who struggle because they can't leave rather than people leaving too early. More common is people staying too long than leaving too quick. But if you think about it, when people stay too long, a part of that is because of the justification they're doing in their mind where they're saying they're continuing to convince themselves that this might change there's a you know they're they're looking at it as it's as if it's still a question mark and i'm fascinated by that because it's whether it's with partners or with family members or friends there are always going to be things

that we really don't like or wish were different or you know that create arguments that create friction and we have to almost start from the place of saying our relationship with a person is the relationship we have today not the relationship we have in the future and there's a series of questions we have to kind of ask ourselves which is is it bearable as it is today if the answer is no something has to change immediately if it's livable and bearable but it's not it's not meeting my needs in the way that i would need it to long term then the question becomes is this about to change is this something that can change and is going to change anytime soon and that's the part where most people are not honest with themselves

right i had a really interesting situation where someone said to me, they were talking about how their ex, they felt like their ex was right for them, but they'd just broken up the week before. And I was saying to this person, I see no reason why he's going to change. Like, what indication has he given you that he's going to change? And my friend said, well, I just, you know, we argue about this stuff.

I said, but has he actually acknowledged these things that you have a problem with? Has he acknowledged them and showed a genuine commitment to changing them? And she said, well, he, no, he, but you know, like he, he's so many of the things that I want and so on. I said, okay, so firstly, there's no, there's not even evidence from his side that he wants to change or is willing to, or is making a plan to change, is committed to change. And change is really, really hard, right? There's that Jacob M. Broad quote, consider how hard it is to change yourself.

And you realize how foolish it is to think you can change other people. It's hard to change ourselves. So expecting that somebody else is going to change, especially when they're not even motivated to, especially when they're not even committed to that change is fallacy. And then I said, look, this person's not showing any signs they want to change. And even right now in the breakup, he's not rushing back to you saying, oh my God, I want to change this. I want to change that. And let's try this again. And by the breakup, he's not rushing back to you saying, oh my God, I want to change this. I want to change that. And let's try this again. And by the way, in that case, you'd still have reason to be suspicious because you haven't seen the change yet. It's not proven. This might just be a panic because he thinks he's losing you. And he's now saying all the right things to get you back.

Now you might give him another chance, but it doesn't mean that he's actually going to change. It just means you're giving him another chance that you feel like, okay, there's a certain level of certainty in his voice. There's a certain level of, of commitment in the plan that he's given me about how he's going to change or what, how, you know, how he's going to address these things in the relationship. There's enough there for me to say, I'll give this a shot. And then I'm going to watch carefully to see if that's backed up by real action and real change, but he's not doing that. And it was so funny because she said to me, so Matt, like in, in situations in your past where you know there's someone you really wanted to be with but you broke up if they came running back to you and saying like I really want I really want this you wouldn't be back with them and what here's what here's what's really telling i said to her but he's not even doing that

you're literally giving me a hypothetical right now as a way to con yourself yeah into going back to this person by you for the hypothetical you've had to say this person is rushing back to you wanting you back he's not even doing that and you're coming up with this hypothetical so it's it's indicative of how people con themselves how people create a reality in their mind that's not actually happening happening in real life as a way to justify giving someone more time and energy right yeah yeah that's right um i yeah i spoke to someone recently who was doing a similar thing and talking about a guy who clearly had no intentions of changing at all and and she was saying like well what should i say to him then to you know get us back together and you know we talked it through and it was clear

like she was doing all the work here and this guy had shown no intention that he even thought these behaviors were a problem but it was her saying well i said these were a problem so what do we do you know what do i do now to uh keep him i mean i i want people to consider especially anyone who's been through therapy or intensive coaching or has been on our retreat program i want anyone to consider when you've been through a process like that just how much it took on your part to actually change even though you'd committed to a process even though you'd paid money down for a process that it was still it's required you to really show up and give your all to that process in order for it to work. So then you imagine the mountain that you have to climb for someone who you're with. To not be showing that they, firstly, they even have a deep awareness of what's going wrong.

Of what's bothering you. A true understanding, and then not saying, I'm sorry, and I want to change, and here's what I'm going to do to change, and then following that plan. If you're in the stage of just arguing with someone about something that's wrong, and none of those things have happened yet, all your work is ahead of you. In fact, all the work is ahead of you if someone says that they would like to change and are willing to do what it takes. Still, the work is ahead of you. If someone isn't even doing that, it's science fiction, the idea that they're going to change a that is a made-up story so that you can

continue to hold on to something that is terrifying to lose for whatever reason whether you're afraid of being alone whether you've convinced yourself you'll never find anybody else or more specifically you've convinced yourself you'll never find anybody else with these qualities um or you feel like you can't handle the pain of losing this person and that's one thing we do right we think the qualities are amazing and that's the real truth is people think there's there's enough good things in this person and then they try and sell themselves on the the toxic behavior or the behavior that they know they hate. They try and keep reselling themselves. Or maybe that's all right.

Maybe I'm being too much. Or maybe it's okay. Because they think they're smart. They have this. I'm attracted to them. I have a good relationship with their friends. And, you know, it adds up. And it's like, oh, this is too painful to walk away with maybe i can

just live with this uh really bad thing that doesn't meet my needs see i'm i have come to believe that we our emotions get very heavily involved in the people close to us, whether it's the person we're dating or in love with, whether it's our siblings, our parents, our best friend, even our boss. We, and even sometimes the people we employ there are things that that we may deeply want to change and and may even get to the point of saying i i need to change this or i can't have a relationship with this person but but there gets to be a point in life where we've communicated calmly and in a neutral way what it is we would like to change about the dynamic where we have given many opportunities

for that change to happen and space for that change to happen and where we're we have it confirmed over and over and over again that this change just appears to be too big of a shift for this person either the shift never happens at all or it it's never sustainable it's a five minute shift and then they always end up snapping back into their default position and behavior. And when that happens, we have hard decisions to make. We can either say, I have to remove this person from my life or from the level of proximity to me at the very least that is making me this unhappy. You know, maybe they can't be in my inner circle. Maybe they can stay in my outer circle and I can choose to have them as someone who's in my life, but who I don't rely on or who I don't have such

an intimate connection with, but they can't stay where they are now. Or you can say, I am going to make peace with this part of this person. Because I am continuing to complain about something that I knew about, I have known about for quite some time. And is not changing. And I'm still here. Which means. The. The kind of. The.

The. The point of the problem has shifted. Over from them. To me. That's always a. That's the truth of any relationship there's a point at which the source of the problem actually shut it jumps it transfers from that person to us because that person is who they've been that's

right that should no longer surprise us they are who they've been we're now the person who's continuing to complain about old information and we have to then look at ourselves and say what's what's going on with me that I either can't leave this person and can't seem to shift my or can't stay with this person and shift my expectation of them because if we stay with someone who won't change and we're unwilling to shift our expectation then we become the reason we're complaining, which isn't excusing their behavior. In fact, it's just, you know, they could be a terrible person. But why is it we haven't adjusted our expectation of this person? What's going on with us that we're unwilling to revise our image of this person and of this relationship that we have with them? Why have we not lowered our

expectation? Why do we still have speculative expectations that are entirely speculative because they've we've never we've never had those expectations met in the past not sustainably so we still speculate on their expect on the expectation of what they can be yeah yeah and and that is that's when we have to look at our ourselves and say i've look i've only got three options in life it's either that they change to be more of what i need or i leave or i stay and i revise my expectations of this relationship in this person. People stay unhappy because they don't leave, they don't revise their expectations and that person doesn't change. So now they find themselves lodged in a state of unhappy paralysis. That's not designed to be a prescriptive

kind of rant to anybody, but more a way to look at, all of us should be analyzing our relationships and going where am i unhappy because i've expected a change and continue to expect a change that's not forthcoming but i'm not willing to leave or distance myself and i'm not willing to revise my expectations of this relationship that's a recipe for going mad. So anyone listening right now who feels like they're going mad in a relationship, my guess is this will provide some light,

some understanding of that situation. And email us, by the way, if this is you, and maybe we can read a couple of stories about this next time. And if you've had an epiphany listening to this, email us at podcast at matthewhussey.com and tell us, tell us what the epiphany moment was for you in listening to this. By the way, we have, well, there's a couple of things to mention. Firstly, there's a virtual retreat, our final virtual retreat of the year

coming up. And you can go and learn about that at mhvirtualretreat.com. That's mhvirtualretreat.com. We are filling up fast on this virtual retreat, Steve. We had had yesterday we did a webinar and we had 500 people apply for an appointment to talk about the virtual retreat 500 in a day apply just to to speak on the phone about the virtual retreat our team has been well and truly log jammed with appointments. We don't have 500 people to take all those calls. So they'll be on the phones all day. We're a close-knit family unit. So we have our cousin, Billy, who speaks to people. We have Emma.

We have Charlotte. All beautiful, kind people. But go to mhvirtualretreat.com and by the time this podcast comes out it should have that should have put a few more days between those 500 people and this this podcast right now so you have a shot at going and getting an appointment and by the way we also have for those of you who want to go through a free 30-day experience, we have the 30-day confidence challenge that you can go to mhchallenge.com to go and be a part of. And that has been getting really, really interesting

results for people over 30 days in their confidence. We give five specific challenges for you to do over 30 days. So it's super practical and it is getting people results. So go check that out at mhchallenge.com. Well, Steve, before we kind of wrap this up in the next few minutes, are there any books you're reading right now, movies you've watched recently, things that you're sort of engaging with, ideas you're engaging with where you think, oh, people should check this out?

On this topic or generally? On any topic. On anything that's making you a better person right now, Steve. Or just bringing you ideas. Do you know what I saw last night? really on any topic on anything that's making you a better person right now, Steve, um, or, or just bringing your ideas. Do you know what I saw last night? I saw road runner,

the Anthony Bourdain movie. Oh, how was that? I want to see that. How was it? Well, you know, Steve and you and me both are huge,

huge Anthony Bourdain fans and it was I I think I think it's pretty safe to say there have been there have been certain celebrity deaths that have that have meant a lot to me one of them was Steve Irwin when he died uh the those of you that don't know that is the crocodile what was it what was his name crocodile Hunter yeah which I I thought I was right in saying Hunter Jameson but then I I realized his image actually was the complete opposite of that it was like crocodile lover would have been more appropriate but um he uh when he died it meant a lot to me robin williams of course i know that meant a lot to so many people not not least of which because it was just so at odds with the feeling that he brought to so many people. But Bourdain was a huge, huge one for me.

I think it was probably the most upsetting because in my lifetime, I had followed Bourdain so closely and was so attached to his work and his shows. And I suppose his lens, the lens through which he appeared to view life was so beautiful and not, you know, relatable because it contains so much light and darkness. But you saw a guy who had a lot of darkness in him who seemed to still have this rebirth in his 50s and 60s that allowed him to kind of culturally global inspiration he provided to people that it made you want to not just travel it made you want to explore it made you want to

get out of your bubble it made you want to go and interact with people it made you want to try try things that you hadn't tried before because you saw a person who was really living it was like a it was like this master class on the art of having an adventurous life yeah yeah and i suppose to some extent it's like in a way like a lot of great TV shows and movies, there's a, there's an element of fantasy in there because the reality of, of Bourdain's life, and you don't need to watch the, the documentary to know this or to even intuit this, the reality of his life was being on the road 250 plus days a year. And that is, you know, there's a line in the movie and I'm not gonna give away lots of the movie

or anything like that, because people can go see it. But there's a line in the movie where someone, a musician who's close to Bourdain says, you know, it feels so good coming back home every time. It feels, and it feels so good leaving home every time. And it kind of reminds me of that Jerry Seinfeld joke in his latest special where he talks about, you know, you go out to a show in the evening and while you're at the show, at some point you're thinking, oh, we should really get home soon. Yeah. And then you get home and the whole joke is no one wants to be anywhere. You don't want to be at home.

You want to get out and do something. Then when you're out doing something, you say, I can't wait to be at home you want to get out and do something then when you're out doing something you say i can't wait to be home and and i'm sure much of bourdain's life was was like that the you know there's the people said of bourdain that he was always rushing to get to the next place and and it's funny because we watched the fantasy of parts Unknown is watching someone who's just in this perennial state of travel and loving life and loving meeting new people and so on. But you're not seeing what it's like when the cameras aren't on. You're not seeing the feeling of being in yet another hotel and not really wanting to be in the place you're in. you're you're not seeing the in-between scenes you're just seeing the scenes they wanted to show you you're not seeing the moments of loneliness you're not seeing the moments of missing family

and in his case missing a daughter or a wife or a girlfriend and And that's why we love Parts Unknown, but in a way we'll never actually achieve the feeling of Parts Unknown. You know, we'll never be able to travel and quite, we'll always be in the same way that Bourdain was with parts unknown always trying to kind of relive the stories of the movies he'd watched because he actually didn't travel much till later in life yeah he didn't have much money for a long time right no and and he was a he liked movies and he had a kind of encyclopedic knowledge of movies and so you know around the world he would he started having fun using parts unknown to kind of re recapture and recapitulate scenes

from movies he loved and that you know he would go go to Vietnam and recapture Apocalypse Now and be reliving scenes from it in his head. And that's him trying to capture an essence that his mind had bottled at one stage or another that in a way can never quite capture it. But it's always imitating it. And, you know, you and I, Steve have traveled where we're trying to imitate parts unknown. So we're doing an imitation of an imitation, you know, and always trying to recapture something that we've seen, trying to, trying to bottle something that, that, you know, means something to us. And we've literally showed up in places and looked at where did Bourdain go

when he was in this place? What restaurants did he eat at? And then you go to those restaurants and you're trying to relive that. I'm sure many people have, yeah. I was in Vietnam and went to the Obama Bourdain noodle restaurant. Right, right.

And so that, you know, much of life is is in trying to i know i don't even mean in a detrimental way in a derogatory way so much of our lives is trying to capture the essence of something that is emotional to us that means something to us trying to recreate an experience in the world that we have in our head always trying to reach for some ideal some romantic view of the world a person a place a business an idea a creation even when we write a book you know we're reaching for some ideal we have in our head of what we want this book to sound like or when i create a show on tour i'm always reaching for some idea i have of the show in my head because you want to share the things that excited you when you saw them and you want to

create them either for yourself or other people you want to do the same yeah yeah and and and in a way the show ends up being good if it kind of captures 60 percent of what's in my head or sometimes even less but i there was a real darkness in him quite clearly there was a real darkness in him that that that followed him around or that reappeared frequently in his life and i i suppose it's important the the movie that i watched last night in Roadrunner, which I would encourage everyone to go and see, is important from this point of view. Not as a way to say that having a romantic view of life is misguided

or reaching for an ideal is childish. But to not think that anyone else is doing a better job of capturing that ideal than we are to realize that we're all trying to reach for something transcendent we're all trying to reach for something romantic we're all trying to reach for something that has deep meaning or feeling to us and when we can step out of the world of parts unknown, which is a, in many ways, an exaggerated, even though parts unknown was loved for its authenticity. Because it felt raw. It was raw. ideal of a place or of or of a person and an experience of traveling around the world the movie i saw last night in roadrunner was a good an important antidote to parts unknown and the ideal that that creates. It's a reminder to all of us that there is another side to that story.

So that when we do our version of traveling around the world, even if it's not literally traveling around the world, when we go for our adventure, our ideal, we understand that there is always the other side to that coin. There's always the in-between scenes. There's always the scenes that never made it to the show, that got left on the cutting room floor because they weren't interesting or because they were too real, too painful, because they didn't tell the right story. Those moments we can't avoid in our own lives. They don't get left on the cutting room floor

of our own emotions because we live them all. We have to. We're forced to live all of that footage in our own lives. But when we see that footage in other people's lives and when when we get you know in a way that i think the roadrunner movie is as generous as parts unknown was to people even though it's raw and who knows whether someone like bourdain would have ever wanted that to happen? Would any of us want to die and then have the unseen clips of our lives shown that we didn't choose to be out there? I don't know. Maybe not. We'll never know. But it's an act as generous as parts unknown maybe in some ways even more so because it gives us a real portrait of the struggle of the pain of the depression of the darkness

and when we have a realistic picture of that in other people we can not be so hard on ourselves we can be more compassionate towards ourselves because we can say oh they it's like that for them too even even Bourdain wasn't living parts unknown not the way we see it even he wasn't actually experiencing parts unknown the way we experience it in the way that's the generosity of parts unknown the generosity of that gift is even he didn't get to experience it that way um we did and that's a beautiful thing but it must always be tempered by the, by the other side of it, because otherwise we will always feel like we're somehow falling short of an ideal that other

people have been able to reach, which is false because they haven't. They are living a real life just like we are. And I think that if we can understand that when the darkness comes for us we'll be ready to meet it and to know that we're in good company we're in the company of our heroes we're in the company of the people we look up to we're in the company of some of the best people on this earth we're not alone in that darkness and we stop yeah and hopefully that knowledge can stop people from from getting to the point that bourdain did where he decided that that darkness was too much yeah the empathy and uh truth of seeing someone else going through it just kind of makes it makes it not seem like our unique fate when

it's happening to us and we think why why me like why is this happening to me um it universalizes it um yeah but i you know like i said i love the fact that it didn't it didn't put an overly positive spin on everything there's true darkness in that movie as well as light and i i would encourage everyone to go and see it and weirdly the great the great legacy is of bourdain that he actually did appeal to life lovers in a huge way and made people so a lot of people it made them sort of want to love life more ironically a lot of what those shows do is make people want to dive into the world more and there's something really cool about that and no one should write off all of that because of the way it ended and that's really really important in life we live in this just

this infantilized version of of images of people these days where everything is angels and and demons everything is someone's either wonderful and we should listen to everything they say or they're corrupted and we should listen to nothing they say and it's it's kind of pathetic we should be looking at what's useful in everybody the fact that Bourdain took his own life doesn't change all of the beauty that he brought into the world. And it doesn't change the truth of that beauty. He accessed it. Unfortunately, he wasn't able to access it at the point that he took his own life, but it didn't mean that when he was accessing it at those points, that it wasn't real, that it wasn't true, that it wasn't something to aspire to.

And I can't stand the kind of logic that people have where it's you know you could post a quote from a bourdain and or anybody and they're like well why would i take advice from someone who clearly couldn't even you know have it in them to stay alive or couldn't even avoid committing this crime or doing this it's like that is such an that is such a childish uh way to look at the world i hate that people are complex life is complex and we've all been the demon at different points in our lives and we've always all been the angel at others and hopefully we'll be the angel more times in our life than we'll be the demon but it's in both is both are in us, and let's hope the

demon doesn't win for us. Let's work to make sure the demon doesn't win for us. But, uh, you know, it doesn't, people can access truth and then not have that truth be accessible to them when they need it most. And I, and I believe that we'll never know why in that very moment Bourdain decided to do what he did. Only he knew that. But I do believe that in that moment, he wasn't able to access a truth that changed so many of our lives through him because he made it accessible to us.

We got to go because I got to get to the airport, bro. But I'm on my way to the airport to meet a group of guys to do this physical challenge. And I'll tell you about it on the next podcast. For now, everybody go to mhchallenge.com and download or be part of that free 30-day confidence challenge that's been changing so many people's lives in really beautiful and measurable ways. And like we said, September the 24th to the 26th, the virtual retreat is coming up. If you are truly looking to change your life this year, I know of no better way to do it than the virtual retreat. Come join us for three days of coaching immersion. Go to mhvirtualretreat.com. And if you liked this podcast, leave us a review on iTunes. It would mean the world to us. And feel free to email us podcast at matthewhussie.com with any stories, what this episode meant to you. I'd love on the next episode to read some comments and some things that people have said as a result of this episode. So please email us in and Steve, if you could share those with me before the next episode, that would be wonderful. Thank you, sir. Absolutely. Thank you so much. We will see you all very soon. Bye bye. Cheers, guys. I see the blog sites.

Got a new wife. Shorty got a new boo. Yeah, love beautiful. I'm looking for love.