Love Life with Matthew Hussey - 128: How to Respond When You Embarrass Yourself...

Episode Date: August 15, 2021

Get on the first to know list for Impact & secure your spot on my Art of Speaking Masterclass → http://www.GetImpactFirst.com --- I’m about to share a recent public moment that bothered me . . .    While watching a video clip from my recent appearance on the Pretty Intense podcast with Danica Patrick—an experience I thoroughly enjoyed—I couldn’t help but notice something: I kept saying a particular word. And not just once or twice. Over the course of just a couple minutes, I couldn’t even keep my total in the single digits. As someone who’s spent an entire career in public speaking and content creation, the more I said this word, the more the demons in my mind went into “media frenzy press conference mode.” Prepare yourself: This is an honest reenactment of how embarrassment plays out in our heads. I hope this gives you a laugh and also helps you realize that you can take something like this and use it to turn a mortifying moment into an opportunity for growth.

So not so long ago, I did a podcast with Danica Patrick. She has this podcast called Pretty Intense. She was interviewing me. And well, I watched a clip from that interview where I did say some quite good things, some things I was proud of like this. You know, Guy Winch, a friend of mine, he talked to me and said, like, everyone has this subjective kind of bar above which everything becomes overwhelming, below which things are more enjoyable. Sure. And the problem is if you go above that bar, even a little bit, even the

things that you previously enjoyed can suddenly start being corrupted by the overwhelm and the stress you have and you stop enjoying even the things that you were enjoying. But I also couldn't help but notice that in the space of this two-minute clip that I watched, I said the word like an inordinate amount of times. I hit like 28, I had a moment, like a little crisis moment where I was like, probably not a little crisis moment, that's me underplaying it. I had a crisis moment where I was like, I'm like, I'm really like, I could literally tick off so many of the things that at 21 I would have said like, these are the things. You know, whether it's like be a New York Times bestseller or like do tours around the world, live in America. That was like a dream was the idea of like living in the States. Like my inspiration is like, Oh, I'm like, I got so many ideas and I got like, I really feel like. Now me who spent an entire career in public

speaking, making videos, airing them to the world. When I see myself doing something like this, the conversation, the experience going on inside my mind looks a little bit like this. Water. I noticed you said the word like about 20 times in two minutes. Now was that part of the game plan today? No No, we We had a great game plan Lot of great words prepared

Proud of a lot of the words we use today, but We said that one a little too much It's your problem a poor vocabulary, or do you just hate sounding smart? You serious with that question? Mr. Hussie, do you own a thesaurus? Yes. Can I ask everybody to move on from the questions about the word like? Thanks.

Some would say you were looking for a lot of similes there. Did you think you found that simile? Next question. Do you think the pressure of sharing the stage with someone so accomplished got to you? No. No. We always learn in training.

Play the game, not the occasion. Shared the stage with plenty of successful people over the years. This time was no different. Do you think the fact that she's a successful woman got to you? I don't see what that would have to do with anything. She knows more about cars. Yeah, Matthew, I see Impostors Weekly.

Do you think you have a right to coach people in these areas when you can't get something so basic right? Yeah, Impostorsters weekly what a surprise um no i listen people can decide that for themselves um that's people will make their own mind up about that could you just walk us through your reaction when you first saw the clip what was going through your mind i mean mean, a lot of things, you know. You're a idiot. I don't know what you were thinking. You were making videos in the first place, 15 years.

You're still saying this dumb saying like 20 times in one video. Who do you think you are? You know, your cat was right to run away when you were a kid. No one's ever gonna love you. Your mum is the only person who does, and that's only because that love is unconditional. If your mother's love wasn't unconditional, you'd be. So, you know, it's the standard stuff.

No more questions. Incredibly dark. Have you ever had a moment like that? A moment where the demons of your mind come to interrogate you and ask questions you don't want to answer? Now the danger with these demons that scrutinize us in our mind is that we let them win.

That we hear these thoughts from ourselves, whether it's worries of being an imposter, whether it's I'll never be good in a meeting or an interview or in public speaking or in telling a story, whether it's I just come across as silly or foolish, I shouldn't even try. The danger is that we actually listen to all of that and then we stop trying. We stop going after opportunities in life. I have in my lifetime made a point of, you know, I still have those thoughts, but what I really see is an opportunity to refine my impact, to refine my influence. When I first started making videos, watching myself was pretty difficult.

These days, I suppose on some level I'm desensitized to it, but I also have learned to look those things in the eye that make me cringe about myself and to use that as a moment of knowledge where I go, ah, that's something I want to do differently next time. By confronting that situation or that tick in this case, in the moment, I get to consciously start applying focus and attention there. And that is how we get better.

We don't get better by ignoring the things that we don't do well. And, you know, maybe think for a moment about an area of your personal presence or impact that you feel could use some tuning up. What are some things that you notice you do? Do you talk too fast? Do you rush stories because you deep down worry that your stories aren't interesting enough so you never really take the time to let a story breathe and have it make that full impact on people? Do you find that your body or the way that you hold yourself or the way that you gesture is weakening your impact? Do you move too much or do you move too little? All of these things are really, to me, they're fascinating. I've always

been fascinated in my lifetime with them because it's one of the most transferable skill sets we'll ever have is this one. Whether we're going into a job interview, whether we are asking someone out on a date or going on a date, whether we're telling a story at a dinner table, whether we're making a pitch to a client, whether we find ourselves quite literally public speaking, being on stage and having to captivate an audience, or whether you're making content online or want to and you want to build the biggest audience possible, you really want to reach people and connect with them. I just have never met someone

that this skill set isn't important to or shouldn't be because making it important would bring them so many more opportunities in their life. It would open so many doors. A lot of people take what I do very literally that, you know, oh he gives dating advice but actually one of the most meta level skills that I'm passionate about is this one. I love language, I love ideas, I love the communication of ideas and I love the ability to make an impact with my ideas. Because I have such a deep love for this, I created a program called Impact. And it was,

I suppose, my take on the Dale Carnegie style of advice. You know, when I was 11 years old, I read How to Win Friends and Influence People. It had a huge impact on me as a teenager and has always, you know, planted seeds that have been there my whole life. But this program was, I suppose, my take on that. My modernization in some ways of it and my spin, you know, seeing it through my lens. If learning this toolkit, this skill set is something that you feel would be valuable in your life, we are opening up the impact program again in the next few days. And I tell you this because it's not open year round. It's something that we actually quite rarely open. When we do open it, there's a lot of new

members that choose to enroll and learn all of these skills. If you're one of them, if you want to come and join us, I'm going to leave a link here, which is part of the early bird list so that you get notified as soon as it's released in the next few days. So that's getimpactfirst.com. One of the reasons we have an early bird list this time around is because we are doing a special bonus that I've never done before, which is an art of speaking masterclass where I'm going to be live coaching people in the art of speaking. Public speaking, yes, but public speaking as applied to every aspect of our lives because we're not all on stage speaking, but we're all speaking in public. The skills are the same. And if you, public speaking has been one of the skills that has improved my life the most and most of the areas I get value out of it aren't when I'm on stage because I'm only on stage five

percent of my year the rest of my year I'm living my life but that's when it's all really valuable and I know it will be for you too I've never done a class like this before. I'm very excited about it. I get to nerd out on a subject that I love and I'm inviting you to join me. So that Art of Speaking Masterclass is a bonus that we're doing this time around when we enroll new members into the Impact Program and you can have a chance at being on that bonus by being the first to be notified at getimpactfirst.com. Thank you so much for watching this video. I'm very excited about the new members for the Impact Program.

I can't wait to meet you and I'll see you soon.