Love Life with Matthew Hussey - 151: Flirting For Introverts: 3 Authentic Ways To Get Him Interested

Episode Date: February 3, 2022

You may have told yourself 100 times you’re ready to finally meet someone. Maybe you even read a few dating tips and decided to go try them out. But then, you see that cute guy you like at work, in your social circle, or at a party. You want to flirt. You want to get him to notice you. T hen at the crucial moment, you shrink. “H--hey”, you say, trying to play it cool. You make small talk. Chit-chat about everyday stuff, but nothing that ever amounts to flirting. And you realize: I can’t do this. I’m too much of an introvert. If you’ve ever used this excuse before, then get ready. Because I have 3 techniques today that are going to change your dating life forever. You’re an introvert? Guess what, so am I. Now you’ll find out why that can be your greatest superpower... -- Come be a part of our FREE "Dating With Results" virtual event on February 8th. Learn 4 secrets to end casual dating traps, and the authentic path to a real, committed relationship. Go to DatingWithResults.com and register today!  --- Join us on our virtual retreat on March 18th-20th! Go to MHVirtualRetreat.com and spend a magical 3 days with us transforming your confidence and relationships... --- Follow Matt @thematthewhussey Follow Stephen @stephenhhussey ---  Email us! You can get in touch with the show and give your feedback/thoughts at [e-mail]

Hello everyone, from merry old England, it's your pal Stephen Hussey here, just setting up today's episode which is going to be Matthew talking about practical skills for flirting for introverts. If you, like me, are someone who finds yourself more comfortable in your own company or you naturally aren't the kind of person who wants to dive into a crowd and be able to hold court and you know you find meeting someone new you have to kind of get yourself g'd up get your energy ready for it because you think okay here we go i'm gonna have to talk to a new person here i'm gonna have to be charming all right let's do this that old first date thing this is for you it's going to give you some really practical useful strategies for how to comfortably flirt and do it in a way that feels authentic to you not in a way where you have to fake it and put on some weird clothing that isn't you i think people make two binary distinction between introverts and

extroverts and they think oh i can't do that i can't speak on stage because i'm an introvert but actually i've spent a lot of years, you know, I was a shy, shy kid and I used to not like talking to people. I'd be the little kid clinging on to my mum being like, oh no, I don't want to go meet those new kids. What are you doing to me? And over the years, I learned how to be able to communicate in a way that felt authentic to me, how to not fight that discomfort and just kind of lean into it and go from an angle of being more curious and just relax. And okay, I'm just going to relax and put myself out there

and see what comes back or speaking on stage. I got used to those moments of discomfort where I don't fight them anymore and they might happen immediately when I walk into a party and I think oh god this is noisy and there's a lot of people here and okay let's just do this but once I'm in I can get into that relaxed energy I can get into that place where I feel like I'm being me I'm not having to fake it and be some loud person that I'm not but yeah it's uh it's very very. And on a first date, people can often feel like they retreat into their shell and they don't know how much of themselves to put out there and they can suddenly get very tight and closed and yes, okay, thank you. And they get

into interview mode, which is typically not the sexiest mode we can be in. So if you want to feel more relaxed and authentic on a date, this is going to be a really great starting point. Also, if you just can't get enough of us on this podcast, we've got something really special for you to jump on board with completely for free coming up on February the 8th. This is Matthew's Dating With Results special event. You can come and join virtually, totally for free. And the subtitle to this, the things we're going to cover, is the five secrets to end casual dating traps

and the authentic path to a real committed relationship. So Matt's going to cover things like how to make an instant and genuine connection with someone you just met online so that they pursue you, how to discover the behaviors that can turn an unsuccessful interaction into genuine connection, how to turn someone's interest from casual to committed, how to spot the major red flag of someone who's stringing you along so that you don't waste precious time on the wrong people, and moving on from exes and past heartbreak so you can stop feeling tortured and start truly enjoying your life again if you want to come and join register for that free event all you have to do is go to datingwithresults.com the event is on february

the 8th 11 a.m pacific time 2 p.m eastern time and 7 p.m uk time february 8th, datingwithresults.com. All right, that's enough from me. My pickles and pears are going to hand over way you think about attraction forever. If you consider yourself to be an introvert, I'm about to give you three words that are going to change the way you think about attraction forever. Peak end rule. The peak end rule. The psychological heuristic in which people judge an experience largely based on how they felt at its peak and at its end, rather than based on the total sum or average. To understand this rule, you need only think of a Broadway show, a movie, or a concert, and how there are moments in these shows that can actually be quite boring. There are moments in a concert where there are five songs in a row that you don't care about. But if the concert,

if the movie, if that Broadway show ends with a bang or has a really emotional peak moment somewhere within it, that tends to be the part that we remember. It colors our entire experience of the thing. If you are an introvert, the psychology of this is gold to you. Why? You might be the kind of person that 90% of the time in a group gathering isn't doing the talking. You're much more of a listener, an observer. You are the quiet one. But that doesn't mean that you need to be the least memorable one. Using the peak end rule, you can insert yourself at just the right moment and say just the right thing that actually gives you more impact than

everybody else. And there are three practical ways that you can do this. First, compliments. So let's say you're in a group dynamic, the guy you like has been talking a lot, you haven't been talking at all, you wait till it dies down until you have maybe a moment on your own with him and then you can say, I like the way you tell stories, like you have this passion in you when you tell a story, it's cool. In that moment you're a reminding him that you were there even though you were quiet, you you were listening you were paying attention and Secondly that just because you're quiet It doesn't mean you're not confident and it doesn't mean you can't be direct

You can also make use of the peak end rule by issuing a challenge to someone Let's say you're in a group of friends. You're in a environment where there's something mildly competitive going on Maybe you're playing darts, pool, bowling, table tennis, whatever, it doesn't matter, but your crush is in the group. And normally your conversation with this person is kind of pedestrian, a bit vanilla, a bit monotonous. You could charge it by saying to him, I'm really sorry for what I'm about to do to you. And he'd be like, what? You'd be like, I'm going to crush you at table tennis. And I just, I feel bad. It doesn't matter if everyone else in the group won't stop talking. The fact that you've charged the interaction with a challenge, that's going to be more memorable.

And the third technique for applying the peak end rule is the spontaneous test. So let's say you're in this group of people and the subject of desserts or sweets comes up. You could say to a person that you haven't spoken to all evening. So what about you, Matthew? Are you more of a milk chocolate man or a dark chocolate man? Now, if they say milk chocolate, you can say, wow, I got a lot of respect for that. If they say dark chocolate and that's not really your thing, you could say, wow, I got a lot of respect for that. If they say dark chocolate, and that's not really your thing, you could say, okay, well, we need to work on that. If they say they don't like chocolate, you can say, who hurt you? Okay, you know what? Doesn't matter. We can talk about this later. You can literally say this about anything. In fact, the more goofy the example, the better. It's the playfulness in this that creates the spike.

And by the way, when you've been quiet, but all of a sudden you use someone's name, you address them specifically. So what about you, Matthew? It's like, it gives someone a tingle. It's like, oh, they, you know, they've been paying attention to me, right? Without me even knowing it.

Suddenly you're on someone's radar in a different way. Never, ever, ever use being quiet or being introverted or even being shy as an excuse not to go out there and flirt and create attraction. Because you can do all of these things in a way that fits with your nature and your personality. Well, thank you so much as ever for listening to this episode and you can email us your thoughts at podcast at matthewhussey.com. We love to hear from you. I read every single one and I will try to get back to as many of you as we can and we'll try and read one out on an upcoming episode. That is it from us.

Of course, if you want to join us on that upcoming webinar, the special event, that is a free event, Dating With Results. Just go to datingwithresults.com, register there, and you'll be ready to come and join us on February 8th. Okay. Thank you so much for listening as ever.

We're going to see you real soon with much more to come. And I think it's fair to say we are fizzling with ideas at the moment. So I think these upcoming episodes should be a lot of fun. All right, I will see you very soon. Be well out there and see you next time

i see the blog sites got a new wife shorty got a new book yeah love beautiful