Love Life with Matthew Hussey - 152: What Gets Him Hooked in the EARLY STAGES of Dating

Episode Date: February 11, 2022

Matt talks about what gets someone hooked in the first few dates, the 3 texts that get a guy to pursue you, and how to handle the day after you sleep with someone... --- Join us on our virtual retreat on March 18th-20th! Go to MHVirtualRetreat.com and spend a magical 3 days with us transforming your confidence and relationships... --- Follow Matt @thematthewhussey Follow Stephen @stephenhhussey ---  Email us! You can get in touch with the show and give your feedback/thoughts at [e-mail] --- ►► FREE download: “9 Texts No Man Can Resist” → http://www.9texts.com ►► FREE download: “5 Compliments to Get Him Addicted to You” → http://www.SayThisToHim.com

Hello everyone, grab your coffee, do whatever it is you do before you start a podcast because this is the start of the Love Life Podcast with your old pal Dr Stevie Biscuits. I am Stephen Hussey and welcome, welcome, you know, get yourself in the zone. I like to go for a stroll when I listen to a podcast, you know, get myself moving, get some bloody fresh air. If you want to do that, you're welcome to do so. But wherever you are listening, hello. I'm going to introduce you, set up a few clips from Matthew today, who's going to be talking about things like how to be attractive in the early dating stage, what creates attraction in that stage, texts that get a guy to try harder when

you're dating them and the best way to approach the next steps after sleeping with someone. So some juicy topics and I think you're going to really enjoy this. One thing I will mention before we get started is we are very close now, just a month away from our virtual retreat. And I know you've probably heard about it if you listen to this podcast. But if you've even thought about coming, this is the time to get on board because it's right around the corner. You know, we're still in the early stages of the year. And this is the time to make big changes to step on the gas not to do what everyone else does and go oh it's February already I'm just gonna kick back now and I don't know if I'm

gonna follow through on those goals and resolutions I set earlier in the year maybe I am I'm not sure if you want to just dive in get the right peer group now accountability have people around you who are going to cheer you on, spur you on, motivate you. Listen to some life-changing content while you're at it about relationships, about your identity, about your values, your self-esteem, transform your confidence. This is where we do the deepest work that we do in our whole company. So we would love to see you there. We'll have all of our team

and I'm going to be guiding you through it. And of course, Matthew is going to be running the actual retreat itself. So it's going to be a blast. Come join us March 18th to the 20th. Go to mhretreat.com if you want to join us. And as always, you can email the show at podcast.matthewhussey.com. Give us a shout. Say hello. If you keep it short, then it's much more

likely we'll be able to read it and possibly read it out on a future episode where Matt and I are together. And, you know, let us know what you've been doing, what you've been reading. I've read a few things over the last month. I've been really them i've been reading ray dalio's book on the changing world order i've been reading that novel my year of rest and relaxation and i've been reading a new earth by eckhart tolle because i have never read that one and i've read the power of now years ago but someone told me i must read a new earth so i'm having a read of that as well what are you reading tell us know at podcast at matthew hussey.com and uh any comments on the show or little reviews we always appreciate all right that's it from me

for now i'll pop in to set up the clips as they come. This one's going to be Matthew talking about things you can do in the early dating stage that get someone hooked. Check it out. The first two weeks of attraction are really, really important because if we don't make a great impression there, no one cares how great we're going to be in week four or month six. So here are four things you can do to hook somebody in the first two weeks. Number one, have a real dates only policy. It is quite common these days, as you know, for a guy to attempt the Netflix and chill date before he's earned it. So when a guy says to you, hey, do you want to come over later tonight? We

can order in and snuggle. What I want you to send him is, as much as I like a snuggle, I prefer to get out into the world with someone first. Keeps it interesting. Number two, buy the popcorn. Look, I don't know if you think it's a guy's job to pay for the day or not, but even if you do, there is an awful mistake that so many people make that relates to what I talk about here. Let me tell you what means something to a guy. Trying. That means something to a guy.

When he feels that you're not even trying to contribute, that's when he feels used. Because any guy who's really confident and self-respecting, if the woman never is even trying to contribute, he feels like he's being taken advantage of. And it has nothing to do with money. It has to do with the lack of gesture. Gestures matter. It doesn't matter if he bought the movie and dinner that night.

You just getting the popcorn or whatever the equivalent is on the date you're on says to him, firstly, I don't take you for granted. And secondly, I'm sending you a subtle message that I am a team player. Number three, get excited about the little things. Being cool isn't about indifference. It's not about showing up with a been there, done that attitude. I've done it all before. Nothing impresses me. Cool is passion. Cool is getting excited. And about the little stuff, it doesn't even have to be the big stuff. It could be the place that he took you to. It could be the meal that you're eating and there's something on the

menu you're really excited about. It could just be a great cup of coffee. Whatever it is, getting excited about it sends a message to the person you're with. I am a fun person to do life with. I know that anytime I've been with somebody who gets excited about things, I start thinking of the long list of things that I want to do with them next because I can't wait to experience their reaction to it. Make your reaction to things something somebody wants to experience. Number four, be a grown-up and pick up the phone. So annoying waiting for people to text back. I wish someone would invent an app that actually allowed you to speak in real time.

Oh wait, Alexander Graham Bell already did. Now I know that already people are probably seething hearing this message because you're saying, the problem is with men. They're the ones who don't pick up the phone anymore. They're the ones who always text, who don't bother with the old school ways of talking. To this I say to you, lead by example. I'm not saying you're the one who should call the guy all the time.

But what I am saying is, the first call you make to a guy sets a precedent. It sets a standard. It lets him know that you are an adult and if he wants to date you, he's him to something, pick up the phone and invite him. Let's say that you're on your way home from work and you're walking and you have five minutes to spare. Pick up the phone and say hi to him. That moment where you speak to him on the phone tells him the standard you expect from him in return. And it also gives him a license to call you because many guys don't even know that they can or they should. When you call him, it tells him it a guy that get him to pursue you. I've been helping women attract the men they want for nearly 10 years now. And there is a question that has always come up, but it's getting worse.

Women saying, why don't men try anymore? They don't take me on real dates. They don't seem to actually court me. They don't go through the stages dates. They don't seem to actually court me. They don't go through the stages of attraction where they really invest. It's like they want a fast food dating diet. They want to just text me and for me to come over. We want men to try again. Well, I have a fundamental belief that the women today who get the best men, and not just the best men, but the best behavior from those men, have two things on their side. One, they have standards that are higher than everybody else.

People think that if you have standards, you're going to scare people off. It's the opposite. Standards make you attractive. But they don't just have standards. They have the ability to communicate those standards to a man in an attractive way. That's the real skill. Having standards is confidence. Knowing how to communicate them is competence.

The food industry has a term, a term called the bliss point. The bliss point is the optimal level of salty and sweet in a food that keeps you wanting more of it. And they're trying to achieve this all the time. So think Nutella, think peanut butter, kettle corn. What's the bliss point that means even though you're getting full, you're not satiated. You keep wanting more of that food. Well, I believe that there is a bliss point to communication, an optimal level of salty and sweet that keeps you wanting more of a person. So if you achieve the bliss point in your communication with men, a man can become addicted to you.

He won't be able to put you down. I'm about to give you three scenarios that I know you've found yourself in before and the bliss point response to each one. The first scenario is the date deliberator text. This is the guy who's indecisive about what you guys are gonna do on a date tonight. So he sends something like, so what are we doing tonight?

To which your internal response is, you decide, man. It's your job to figure out a plan. Just freaking pick something. But you don't want to come across aggressive in this moment because he hasn't done anything really wrong. So instead, here's the bliss point response. As much as I love planning, I think it would be more fun if you decide. Winky face. You see what you're doing there? You're simultaneously saying, I don't expect you to plan things forever.

But right now, at this early stage, it would be fun if you took the initiative. Scenario two, the homebody text. He sends, there's a cool bar in my part of town for tonight. Now you know that the last time you went on a date you came to his part of town, so somewhere inside you feel like he should be the one making the effort to come to you or at least meet halfway. Now, once again, he hasn't done anything drastically wrong, but you'd like to use this moment to educate him on trying a little harder. So instead of bottling up your feelings

and going to his part of town anyway, or getting overly serious about communicating this to him, you put together this bliss point message. Jeez, are you always this lazy? It's your turn to come to me. Kissy face. What this shows is that you can call someone out directly for their behavior, but you can do it in a playful and affectionate way. Which brings us to scenario number three, the day of disappearance. This is when you have plans with a guy to see him for a date, but on the day of the date, it's getting past the point

where it's acceptable for him to have not given you the details yet. So maybe it's one o'clock in the afternoon, you said you'd see each other tonight, and he still hasn't sent you anything. And maybe it's not because he's a bad guy, maybe it's because he's been super busy, or maybe he's out right now, but it's still not really okay. So you can either be passive and just wait until he texts you or you can construct this bliss point message. Hey you, should I assume we're not on for tonight? I haven't heard from you and I have other things I'd like to do if not. Once again the beauty of this is that it addresses him in a kind way at the same time as being really high standards with

your time. You're showing him that if he doesn't up his communication, you're gonna find something else to do. Now, why do people hesitate before sending these messages? Because we are afraid that if we have a standard with someone, they will not see us, that we might lose out on that opportunity to spend time with them tonight. So let me be

brutally honest with you. These messages won't increase your chances of seeing the guy you want tonight, but they will radically increase your chances of him wanting you tomorrow. See, BlizzPoint communication isn't about short-term gains. It's about long-term attraction. And if you are about creating genuine deep attraction that makes a guy want you, not tonight, but tomorrow, next week, next month, next year, that's about having the right standard and knowing how to communicate it. The beauty of what we've been talking about today is this communicating your standards and creating attraction are actually the same thing in this next clip matt busts the myth of the idea that you are giving away your power by having sex with someone and talks about what is the best way to approach that morning after moment when you've

slept with someone. Check it out. So you had sex with him. Now many people think that once a man has sex with a woman she gives up her power and he begins to lose interest but I don't think your power is in having sex with a man. Your power is in what you do afterwards. I'm going to talk you through three things that not only allow you to maintain your power, but actually make him want you more after the fact. Number one, don't be weird. Many people, after waking up, having slept with someone, an intimate act, then all of a sudden start behaving really awkwardly, like the few hours of sleep in between drove this giant wedge between them. And now, instead of being warm and affectionate, they're kind

of cold and neurotic. They're worried about their hair or their breath. They're scrambling for their clothes, trying to make sure that that person who's just slept with them doesn't see their naked body. It's a shame because actually, if we were calm and in a good state and happy and positive and just had a playful vibe with that person in the morning, they'd see us as much more confident and in control. So in the morning, here's what you do. You give a little deadline. You say to him, I have to go soon. I have so much to do today. And then you give him a big cuddle because then when you're cuddling up to him, he's not thinking, is this person going to be here forever? Is this going to be awkward trying to figure out when I or she leaves? you've already put that marker in his mind.

Then you can just enjoy the affection. And when you leave, give him a nice affectionate kiss. All of this, by the way, is presuming you actually like the guy. If this guy is someone you actually like, give him a nice affectionate kiss. It's what you should do after you've just slept with someone. And then leave and go about your busy day.

Step number two, later that day, send a killer text. I'm going to read you this text and then I'm going to tell you why it contains everything you need to say. I had a great time with you last night. Good luck with your meeting today. Then a little kissy face. Why does this do what you need it to do? First, you're saying, I had a great time with you last night. A small act of vulnerability and femininity. It's a moment where you can be candid with him. Too many people play it too cool for school, like they don't care.

And in the process, they dehumanize the whole thing, the act of intimacy they've just had with a person. Then when you say, good luck in your meeting today with a little kiss, it's a moment where it's personal. You're saying something that relates to something you've said. If you know he's doing something fun today, you could say, have fun doing X, Y, Z today. Whatever it is, take a moment to acknowledge something that's going on in his day. The problem with the way so many people approach what they do after intimacy is they either get too vulnerable and too close

to somebody where all of a sudden it's now like they expect the relationship to have moved ten steps forward for having slept with them or they go too casual to the point where it seems like it didn't mean anything to them that they slept together last night. We want to strike that balance of being somewhere in between the two. Just a little footnote to add here. The worst thing a person can do is text the person saying, oh my God, I can't believe we did that last night, or I was so drunk last night, or in any way making excuses for the fact that they slept together or insinuating regret. If we slept with someone, own it, especially if you like the person. Own it with no regrets and they'll see you as more sexy and confident as a result.

Step three, do not settle for the Netflix and chill follow-up. Now, he may text you a couple of days later saying, hey, do you want to come over and watch a movie with me later? Now, that doesn't make him a bad guy. It just makes him a guy. He's going for the easy path and he wants to have sex with you again. Who can blame him? He's only human, easy path and he wants to have sex with you again. Who can blame him? He's only human, but you want more. So what do you say? You send him this message back. I'd love

to see you again, but I really want to get to know you better. And I feel like I know where coming to your place ends up. Wink. How about we go for dinner? Now, the beauty of this message is it shows you want to see him again, but it resets the expectation. It takes away the entitlement. See, look, you two had sex. That doesn't mean that he's entitled to sex again with you. And it doesn't mean that you're entitled to more investment from him. But the distinction is if he does want to see you again, it has to be for more than a physical connection it has to be

to build a real connection that takes time and investment and you wouldn't expect any less if he doesn't want to put in that time and investment that's okay you have your answer about how much he but you won't accept less. and send us your reviews, and we'll read some out on a future episode. Do, of course, review us on iTunes. It really makes a difference. If you can give us a lovely review, maybe leave us five stars. I'll leave that up to you. It really helps us get noticed in the podcast charts. Also, our retreat is on its way next month.

This is the time to get involved. We are so so pumped about this we don't do these that often so this is if you want to do this from the comfort of your own home and have our premium deluxe all-time amazing retreat program in the comfort of your own home this is the time to do it go to mhretreat.com and you can sign up and join us next month. And we'll see you there. All right. Thank you so much. I'll see you next time. I've been Stevie Biscuits and be well out there today. All right. catch you later