Love Life with Matthew Hussey - 154: 7 Ways to Quit Dating Apps and Have Guys Approach You FOR REAL!

Episode Date: February 24, 2022

Sick of feeling like you have to wait to be approached by a guy? Want to be able to actually "choose" someone you're attracted to, and meet them in REAL LIFE? Here are 7 elegant and simple ways to have a guy approach you (without feeling like you're doing all the work)... --- Join us on our virtual retreat on March 18th-20th! Go to MHVirtualRetreat.com and spend a magical 3 days with us transforming your confidence and relationships... --- Follow Matt @thematthewhussey Follow Stephen @stephenhhussey ---  Email us! You can get in touch with the show and give your feedback/thoughts at [e-mail] --- ►► FREE download: “9 Texts No Man Can Resist” → http://www.9texts.com ►► FREE download: “5 Compliments to Get Him Addicted to You” → http://www.SayThisToHim.com

Hello there my little butterscotches, it's Stephen Hussey here, just reporting from merry old England where we're getting to the end of February, which is good news for me because I don't like it when it gets dark at like 5pm here in England and I can't go for my little evening run because the park gets, you know, it's like pitch black, can't really see that much out and I think I love my little run after work but you know um I'm trying to switch more to doing exercise in the morning but I'm not I'm not a morning exercise guy I know everyone loves doing that but that isn't what I feel like in the morning I feel like reading a book getting myself set up for the day maybe meditating but i don't really love doing morning exercise so maybe we'll experiment with fixing that anyway um i hope you're well wherever you are in the world i'm just setting up today's episode where matthew is going to be talking about the ever underrated

topic of ways to get a guy to make a move on you ways to get anyone to make a move on you but how do you actually you know people get told i mean especially women we know right women get told that they have to wait for someone to put in the effort to make the move to start the conversation and that's just this massive fallacy like i've noticed people over my decade of doing this, you know, the people who are good at dating, at getting out there, at actually starting things up when they're single, they are able to get someone to make the move. They're able to make it easier for someone to talk to them. They have all kinds of ways of being able to bridge that gap. When you see someone across the room, how do you actually

do something? How do you actually do something how do you be proactive in this moment without feeling like oh i'm being desperate because i'm the one who's going to go over there and say hey do you like me or something corny like that so there are all kinds of ways to do that matt gives you seven in this video so i can't wait for you to hear it um now we also are coming up to the cutoff point for our live retreat in march march 18th to the 20th this is the biggest thing we do in our company if you want to transform your confidence and your life and your love life your relationships come and join us it is three magical days and you can do it from the comfort of your own home. Go to mhvirtualretreat.com and we would love to see you there.

We've got so many people coming already. We are so, so pumped for this. Everyone in our team is gearing up all over the next month for this to make it really special for you guys. So we can't wait for you to see what we have for you um all right that is it i'll hand over to my dear and moderately handsome brother matthew now um all right i'll see you soon pickles one of the reasons that people use dating apps is the perceived easiness of being on a dating app as a way of meeting people. Of course, a lot of people's experience is that it's not that easy. It gets complicated really fast.

It takes a lot of effort and often nothing real materializes out of it. You never actually end up on any dates or you don't meet anyone that you really like. It's hard to get things off the ground. So is there a way for real life meetings to feel easy again? Now, one would think that the biggest thing we need on our side, if we want to start meeting people in real life, if we want to have the ability to approach people, to take risks, to create opportunity, the number one thing we would need is bravery. Now it's true that having bravery can help create opportunities because it means getting outside our comfort zones to actually make something happen. If you think about it,

attraction needs a moment. Attraction doesn't just happen unless there's a moment to support it. And one of the reasons why we don't create moments with other people where attraction can happen is because we're afraid or they're afraid. We're all afraid of rejection. We're all afraid of embarrassment, of saying the wrong thing. Now, while it may be true that bravery is useful, I believe that there's an even more subtle secret to creating opportunities in real life. And that is to make other people brave in the way that you behave. So in this video, I'm going to give you seven things that you can do

to make other people brave around you. Because if your superpower is in making other people brave in your presence, you're the one who will reap the rewards of that. Number one, don't create a friend fortress. This is where you and your friends get in a kind of huddle where you're all facing inwards at each other. And it's really difficult for anyone to come into that little world and speak to any of you. So imagine you're out with a friend, and that friend is here. Now, if you're pointed at each other, this doesn't work with no one here. I can't work like this, Jameson.

I need an actor. Thank you. You imagine this is the bar here, and the two of us are pointed at the bar like this in a kind of V shape, no one can get in here and talk to either of us. But if we sort of position ourselves out a little bit and we're just having a nice conversation with each other, but half of our body, half of our energy is pointed at each other. So monkey can be here making a sort of interesting point, you know, the thing about eggs. But at the same time, half of our energy is pointed out to the room.

There's this whole space that someone can come and talk to us now without having to do this, where they have to peel us open, banana reference, in order to speak to me, a monkey, who is drunk. Number two, the look. If we want someone to come and be brave to speak to us, looking at them, making actual eye contact is essential.

And by the way, the first look is just a moment where you register each other. It's the second or the third look where someone realizes you're now intentionally looking at them. And you could be doing something perfectly routine like drinking a coffee or reading a book in a coffee shop, But every now and again, you just look up from your book, look around the room, look at them, and then keep reading your book. Or if you're on a phone call,

you're talking, talking, talking, having a nice time. You look at them, you keep looking down, and then you look up again at them and keep talking. It's very subtle, but those little moments equal more bravery on their part. Now, that doesn't mean you have to look for a long amount of time. I had a woman the other day who I was on stage with, and I said, how long do you think you should look for if you were trying to make someone else brave?

And she said, hmm, five seconds? And then I got the whole audience to count as I stared at someone for five seconds. Watch. Number three, you can make people braver if you get closer to them physically. How much space is there? How difficult would it be? Even if you were looking at them and they were looking back thinking,

oh, this person likes me. This person's attracted to me. I should go over there. How much space do they have to close down to come over and make a move? Think of it this way. If you want them to talk to you first, imagine that the part of it you're helping with is getting closer and the part they're doing is the talking. And as a general note, by the way,

move around a room a little bit. Even if we're just walking around, grabbing a drink, going to the restroom, just moving, we're creating more opportunities for things to happen. We're putting ourselves in the flow, in the traffic of the room. Number four, use the favor. I've been saying this for years. I'll wrap it up really quickly right here. One of the easiest ways to talk to someone is simply to ask them a favor. Could you hold my jacket for a second?

Do you know anywhere good to go after this? Could you recommend me anything you've had here before? If you can ask someone a small favor, you're giving them permission to talk to you in that moment. The nice thing about the favor is that they don't necessarily see it as you hitting on them. They just see it as an opportunity to be gracious, to be generous, to be chivalrous towards you. And thus it makes them braver. Number five, use what I call two-hit theory. One of the things that makes us nervous when we want to talk to people is we overthink how much we have to do

in the first moment we speak to them. In other words, we think I have to go over there, I have to say something interesting, I have to maintain a conversation and if it's to go anywhere at some point one of us has to ask for the other one's number so that we can continue this conversation after this meeting. Now, if you start to stack all of those things that have to happen for this to be a successful interaction, you'll overwhelm yourself before you even go over there. Two-hit theory takes the opposite approach. You go and say something to someone with no intention of carrying on the conversation in that moment. You might literally look over and say, that looks really good, what you got.

You know, what you just ordered looks delicious. And they're like, yeah, it's blah, blah, blah. And you say, well, I hope you enjoy it. Or, hey, how's it going? Sometimes literally it's just that. You're standing next to someone, you say, hey, how's it going? And you don't have any intention of carrying it on. You'll be surprised how brave you get when you don't have any intention of continuing the conversation. That's hit one. The second hit is later on in that

social setting when that person feels like they can talk to you, they can have another exchange because you gave them permission earlier on. Number six, develop the mindset of a restaurant owner. Have you ever been in a restaurant and noticed that there is some man or woman who's walking around and checking in with people, saying, hey, how are you? Are you enjoying your meal? How is everything?

And then you later learn that that person is the owner. Now, the fact that people didn't necessarily know that they were the owner when he or she came over to greet them doesn't really matter. All the customers really knew was that someone is coming over and being warm and asking me if I'm having a nice time,

if I'm enjoying my food. It's the warmth, it's the confidence that makes us engage with that person. Now, I like to think of having a restaurant owner mentality in life in general. I was asked recently, what would you do if you were on a hike walking one way and someone you were attracted to was walking the other way? How would you strike up a conversation with that person? Well, one way to do that is literally have the restaurant owner mindset when it comes to the hike. This is my hike. I own the hike.

So when you're walking past that person, hey, are you having a nice hike? Are you having a good, like, how's your hike today? You literally apply that same mindset. Now, this leads us to my last point. What we say is not nearly as important as the fact that we're saying something. Because when we say something to someone, we are creating a moment where attraction can happen. Attraction cannot happen without a moment. But also at its core, saying something is really just giving someone permission. It's not about being the wittiest person in the room. It's not about saying the cleverest thing or the most seductive thing.

And it certainly isn't about saying the most original thing. On dating apps, there are all sorts of prompts and witty ways to draw out a novel initial exchange. In real life, we don't actually need all of that. What we need is the opportunity to actually connect for a moment, for a moment to occur that could lead to attraction. Those moments will never occur if we're trying to make those moments perfect. But if instead of trying to be perfect, all we do is work on giving people permission, on making them brave, we will be creating those moments all the time. Talk to most couples who have been together a long time and ask them, what's the first line you ever said to each other? They won't remember because the line wasn't important, but the permission that led to everything else was everything. Now look, the things I'm talking about in this video feel small, but why is it they feel so hard to implement in our lives? It's because

what might represent an inch of difference in our body language or in our smile or in the things we say feels like moving a mountain internally. What I want to do with you, if you'll let me is show you how to change the inner wiring that you have so that those small things on the outside you start to do naturally because I know if you start to do those things your life is going to change no question it is inevitable your life will. But it's hard sometimes to do even the small things when we're still working on old software. Now in March, I have my virtual retreat coming up from the 18th to the 20th. And that is where we update the software in you once and for all so that you can finally take advantage of everything that is available to you in your life and realize your potential.

Because once you figure out how to control your confidence, how you see yourself, your relationship with yourself, your associations on the inside, the changes on the outside become natural. If you've taken any of my programs or watched any of my videos and you found it hard to make the changes on the outside, it's because the inside isn't cooperating. What we're going to do over three days is bring those things into alignment. To learn more, go to mhvirtualretreat.com. It's going to be a wonderful three days and I really hope you join us. I also have a video there waiting for you to explain more about the program so you can learn all about it. mhvirtualretreat.com is the link. I'll leave it here and it's also in the description below. Thank you for watching. I see the blog sites. Got a new wife. Shorty got a new boo. Yeah, love beautiful.

I'm looking for love.