Love Life with Matthew Hussey - 160: Answering *YOUR* Biggest Questions About "Microdosing" In Dating

Episode Date: April 6, 2022

Have you found yourself unable to resist getting another hit of attention from someone you know is wrong for you? Want to send out one more text even though you *know* you shouldn't? This is called microdosing.  And it's easy to fall into this trap when you feel hooked on someone, but it doesn't mean it's good for us in the long-term. In this episode, Matt and Stephen answer your biggest questions about microdosing and give practical ways to prevent getting fixated on the wrong person. --- Let's Create Magic in Your Life, Together. Join Me In-Person for the Return of The Matthew Hussey Retreat → http://www.MHRetreat.com --- FREE download: “9 Texts No Man Can Resist” http://www.9texts.com FREE download: “5 Compliments to Get Him Addicted to You” http://www.SayThisToHim.com --- Email us! You can get in touch with the show and give your feedback/thoughts at [e-mail]

🎵 🎵 Welcome to another Love Life episode with myself, Matthew Hussey, and my brother, Stephen Hussey. Hello, Matthew. How are you? I'm doing pretty great, Steve. The virtual retreat is finished. It was an amazing... We did it. Another amazing event in the books. And now we're back to normal life for a couple of months before our in-person retreat in Florida, which, by the way, if you want to find out more, go to mhretreat.com. But that's coming up in Florida.

Until then, Steve, we're just we're here hunkering down, making podcasts, making videos, running the company. Yeah, and to everyone who listens, who came to the virtual retreat, thank you so much. And you will know we had an absolute ball, didn't we, Matthew? Yeah, it was amazing. An amazing, amazing event.

I woke up feeling just incredibly fulfilled after it. I felt very connected to life and to people and to what's important. I do want to let everyone know who wasn't able to join us for the virtual retreat, but wants something to come to live, but virtual. There is an event coming up on the 19th of April called Dating with Results. And Stephen, this is a completely free event, as you know. It's an event that we've had over 20,000 people come through by now because we've run this twice before and this is the third time we're running it that's a lot of results baby it's called dating with results because it's really aimed at people who are trying to get results in their love life this year and feeling like they're kind of banging their

head against the wall feeling a bit exhausted by the process of dating, feeling like they're putting energy into their love life with no return and want to find a better, simpler way without games, without constantly running into the wrong kinds of guys, without spending endless amounts of texts that don't even lead to dates or dates that don't lead to any kind of a meaningful situation or relationship. So the whole session is going to be a live session that I'm doing on the 19th of April for 90 minutes. And I'm going to give you a practical roadmap for actually taking all of that energy that you want to put into your love life, but using it to get real results instead of dead ends. So all you need to do to go and be part of that is claim your spot at datingwithresults.com. Like I said, it's completely free. We just want to invite you

to come and join us for 90 minutes of what we think is going to be the most important thing you could do this year for your love life. If your love life is a priority, if you want to find love this year, this is the most important appointment you could keep. It's at datingwithresults.com. That's where you can register and reserve your spot. And we look forward to seeing you on the 19th. All right, Stephen. Well, we have a subject for today that I think is going to help a lot of people. And that is the subject of microdosing in dating. Now, microdosing is something that a term that we've borrowed from brooklyn from brooklyn hipsters i yes i suppose so or people who go out into the desert in los angeles yeah we're not referring to

microdosing mushrooms or any of the like we. We're saying there is a similar thing people do in their dating lives that is, well, I suppose we'd argue a lot more harmful. That in your dating life, if you are continually microdosing on somebody who is not meeting your needs, who has expressed that they don't want a relationship with you, who has shown that they are not ready, or who has made you unhappy in the past, but instead of truly moving on, you keep going back for a hit, whether it's in the form of texting them, calling them, responding to their texts and calls, meeting up, maybe still having sex. When you're doing that, it's a very damaging thing because they can leave the, they're not even in your life in a big way, but they leave an outsized psychological blueprint in your life.

And it can make us really unhappy. It can create a tunnel vision that means we no longer look for other people. We're not satisfied, but we're taking the edge off of our hunger by still seeing this person who's not good for us and ultimately leaves us with a giant hangover after each time we see them. So we're going to be talking a bit about microdosing. We've released a video on this before. You, the audience, had comments and we wanted to answer some of the questions that came about in the comments. Now, Stephen, before we do that, Devon YT7 left a lovely review on iTunes of the podcast. She said, I saw clips of the Love Life podcast on TikTok.

What Matthew was saying instantly piqued my interest and I started listening to the actual podcast a few months ago. There has been so much helpful, inspiring and captivating information that has truly helped me grow as a person. And I feel like I'm ready for what I am looking for. I listened to why people disappear when you show interest three times, and I definitely recommend it, especially if you're in a place where men or women are constantly disappearing in your life. Or even if you're in a different place, when it comes to love, there's something that might help you grow as a person or in your life. Or even if you're in a different place when it comes to love, there's something that might help you grow as a person or in your relationships.

I look forward to hearing Matthew and Stephen give advice every week, and I thank them for everything they've taught me. Thank you, DevonYT7. We really appreciate it as we do all of your reviews. And if you do get a chance, please leave us a review, go to iTunes and leave us a short review there. We may even read it on the podcast. So Stephen, what are some of the questions and comments coming in from social on this topic of microdosing? For anyone out there who is finding themselves in that situation with someone where it's not a relationship relationship but you can't get them out of your life you keep going back to them in one form or another some of these questions i think are going to help well first off matt is it is can microdosing happen before you've been with

someone or is it something you do with an ex no i think microdosing can happen. Microdosing to me is defined by you going back to someone who has already shown you a complete lack of promise. So that could either be someone who's broken up with you, but is still kind of using you for sex or for intimacy or affection or love validation and you're allowing it or it can be someone who you never had a relationship with but it's but it's clear that they don't want one right it's clear that they're not moving it forward and they have no intention to and then instead of moving on because you realize this isn't what you ultimately want you continue to microdose on them and sometimes even the perpetrator will microdose on you in a way it's a mutual thing that's the thing it's it is a mutual thing the only difference is that it can sometimes and often does hurt one person more than the other. It will always end up hurting the person who cares the most

and the person who wants the most. Interesting. So someone says, what is the difference between microdosing and giving them time to develop emotional feelings for me? So I guess it's like if I'm just giving them little bits of attention but i'm just hoping it will sort of blossom and bud into something more that's actually a great question yeah is it destructive for you or is that a way of you just kind of like trying to push the door open gently it's destructive without a timeline without you putting any kind of time parameters around it.

And it's destructive if you're not actually paying attention to a lack of progress along the way. In other words, if the micro dosing, if just someone giving you attention and popping up in your life doesn't start to trend toward more attention, more investment, if it doesn't start to actually take up a bigger part of your life or more important part of your life from their side, then you have to admit that there's no progress. So why do I keep convincing myself that I'm going to get more someday? I'm not seeing things get better. I'm not seeing them start communicating with me more consistently. I'm not seeing them make sacrifices to see me or go out of their way to move the relationship forward. So what makes me think if I've been doing this for several months, let's say, what makes me think that if I continue to do this and respond to this behavior

in the way that I have been, that it's going to be any different three months from now. And that's, that's where people kind of start to con themselves. And so what you have to do is you have to say, okay, I'm going to give this a certain amount of time. If I really want to run the experiment of whether it can be more, then okay, let me give it 30 days. And let me actually see if anything improves over those 30 days. But what I have to do at the end of those 30 days is actually honor that with myself and say, okay, nothing's changed in 30 days. So I'm now going to have an honest conversation with this person about how I'm feeling about how I'm not

entirely sure, you know, what to do right now, because I have people asking me out. I have, you know, people who want my time and I'm not giving it to them because I am seeing you, but I also don't know if, if you're seeing me to the exclusion of other people. I don't know if you're feeling like you see a progression here. Uh, and, and frankly, that's meaning I don't really know whether I should be saying no to other people right now or not. And then you see what they say so set a time period and at the end of it honor that honor that commitment you've made to yourself by either moving on or having an honest conversation that either precipitates a change in the relationship or has you realizing that oh this is the right decision to move on because nothing good came of the conversation very good well how about this one can you stop microdosing and still preserve the

friendship why are you trying to preserve the friendship maybe you think there's some connection we really do have that's great and it's far we we get along really well we both love the same things we have great conversation and i'm gonna miss that um but maybe that's like an alcoholic saying i want to quit drinking but can i still at least go and have a beer with my friends on the weekend and can he and can he oh i i think alcohol Anonymous would say no, Stephen. I'm really going to miss that beer with my mates on the weekend, though. That's the only thing. I'm not going to, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to drink, you know, vodka at home on my own.

But I am going to miss that beer with my mates. Can I keep that? That's, that's, it's kind of the same thing the the person that is your quote friend who by the way you don't want as a friend you want as more than a friend that's the whole point you want them as more than a friend. So you have to be honest with yourself and say, am I really? And maybe you are. Maybe you are a very powerful compartmentalizer and you can say, I am going to spend time with this person. I have ruled out the prospect of anything ever happening with them. And I'm just going to enjoy spending time with them.

But I'd have a hard time believing you. If you said that to me, I'd have a hard time believing that there's not going to be some part of you that's holding out hope that the next time there's a choice between hanging out with your quote friend or going on a date with a stranger, you're going to choose your quote friend for the evening. And that this is still going to be having a detrimental impact on your love life while you're searching for something real elsewhere. Because the whole point of, of the micro dosing problem is that when someone is still in your life and when they're still coming up on your phone, when you're still connecting with them, it's very, very difficult to move on. Very difficult. Can you hang out in a group setting with that person if you happen to have

mutual friends? Yeah, maybe, maybe, and maybe it's just limited to that. But the idea of maintaining some kind of close friendship with this person, that's going to be really difficult. It doesn't mean you can't be friends in the future, but it might mean you need a break from the friendship right now while you go and heal from the situation, while you go and create space so that you can start seeing other people as attractive again. I mean, that's one of the problems of getting hung up on someone is that you stop seeing other people as attractive in the same way. Other people lose their appeal. You develop a kind of tunnel vision and that stops you from actually meeting other people. So the danger of maintaining that friendship is that it's not just how it makes you feel when you're with them and dissatisfied by the situation.

It's also what it makes you blind to when you're not with them and you happen to be standing in that cafe and you could meet someone who's standing next to you who's attractive, but instead your head is in your phone texting him, or you're just thinking, I don't really want anyone else. I still kind of, I still kind of like him. Yeah. And we've talked about that before, haven't we? The asymmetry and that the new person doesn't really stand a chance with that person you're already so close and connected to that's right that's right that that that is that is one of the that's i find one of the really fascinating things about what we call a connection often what

we call a connection is something we've built with someone. And we've built it by letting someone into our world, by being let into theirs, by getting to know each other, by building something. And when people are saying, I haven't met anyone else I like in forever. There's a kind of, it's very myopic. Because of course there are plenty of other wonderful people around. Most people, when I actually really get to know them, I think are great. I'm not saying you can have a romantic connection with anybody, but I do believe we can have a romantic connection with many more people than we think we can. But we never get to that stage with most people, especially when we're hung up on someone. You're right, Steve. The stranger that you go out with tonight on a date

cannot compete connection-wise with the person that you have all these in jokes with and memories with, shared history. So saying, but I went on a date, Matt, and I just didn't feel the same way. Of course you didn't. Of course you didn't. You haven't invested any time in it yet. You haven't built anything with that person yet. You don't think that person, I'm not saying everybody, but you don't think that there's a chance this person could be a flower who's waiting to blossom

with you if you actually invested time and energy. So we have to be very careful. And again, that's why being up close with someone that you want more with, who doesn't want more with you, is really difficult because it just takes the edge off of our hunger to meet someone new enough to be disinterested when it comes to taking the risks that would create a whole new relationship. That's very interesting. Do you think, just to jump onto another topic on this, is there a benign form of microding that's common today where people maybe know there isn't something going to happen with someone but they just occasionally flirt and check in with each other and trade sexy texts or whatever or even sleep together maybe sleep together and it just is their little like confidence boost in between their actual partners. Or it's like, you know, we had something once and now we just flirt occasionally and it just feels good.

Is there is there a benign form of that if both parties don't expect it to be anything more than that? Well, I think there's a benign form of it in the same way that there's a benign form of using Instagram. There's a way to use Instagram for it to just be a way to connect and a kind of enjoyable experience, discover new things. It can just be enjoyable. But the problem is at that point, you're in the casino and it's very easy for that to become its own addiction. The same can be true of the kinds of interactions you're talking about, Steve. It's not binary. It's not that they're always bad. And thank God for

short-term flings or situations that you can kind of still have some sense of romance or intimacy or connection because much of the world doesn't want to go through life devoid of any romantic connection or sexual connection outside of the one person they were going to be with. Right. In a forever or outside of even someone that they think they want to give it a try within a really committed relationship, that there are times when people find themselves in those situations and there's something, there's something sort of, how do I put it? People's sexual sides, their affection, the dimension of their themselves that's affectionate or wants connection it it's hard for that stuff to just shut down and be dormant until you find the next important relationship in your life and it's it's almost cruel to expect people to do that because what is it's almost tantamount to saying until you find someone for a serious relationship, there are going to be these enormous important parts of you that

will just be unexpressed. So to that extent, the starting point for me is that no, those things aren't bad. Those things in a a in a way can just be a beautiful full expression of who you are outside of the context of a serious relationship if you haven't found one yet that being said it in a somewhat similar way it puts you in the casino casino. And when you're doing that, it's very easy for something to quickly morph from, this is just about me having some fun right now and expressing these parts of myself, to, I'm going to keep going back to this fun, even though I deep down want more. And the very time and energy that I have remaining outside of working, spending time with friends, seeing family, you know, doing the things I need to do just to get by in life, my chores, my responsibilities. It's very easy to take the only energy you have left

and, and say, what do I want to, oh, it's eight o'clock. What do I want to do with my evening? Oh, I haven't, you know, I've been waiting for the weekend all week because work's been so busy and I've been dealing with so many different things. I can't wait till the weekend. Well, if you want a meaningful relationship, what's more tempting right now to try to generate a date with someone that you don't even know you like yet, and it's going to be slightly awkward probably, it's certainly going to require effort to put on your nice clothes and go and meet up with someone, potentially just to be disappointed that you don't feel anything. Is it easier to do that or to just call up the person that you know you have a fun time with, but it's not going anywhere? The temptation is always towards what's most comfortable.

And so the danger is that what is good for short-term comfort is bad for long-term, if we keep doing the easy thing today of seeing the person that has no potential, then we're doing what's easy today. And it's going to create a harder life later. And I'm reminded of that phrase. If you want a hard life, do easy things today. If you want an easy life, do hard things today. And that sometimes in our love life requires sacrifices. And sometimes the sacrifice is, man, I need to build up a little bit of, I need to build up a little bit of hunger again. Because these casual situations kind of take me out of that immediate need to go and create a connection with someone new so quite a few of the questions are asking quite directly how do you stop microdosing and going off that answer you just said is there something to that phrase i think alan de botton said the best diet is having something better to do than eating is it like just having something more fulfilling um having something more fulfilling than sitting and

scrolling and dming people on instagram or is there other things you can just do mentally to stop yourself in that moment well i mean in some sense maybe just taking a break from it and saying this you know i'm just going to take a break from any casual flings I have going on right now. Um, I'm not saying that you can't send a flirtatious text back to someone or whatever, but I, you know, it's worth asking, okay, why am I doing these things? What purpose are they serving? And, and, and how would it serve me to maybe just take a break from them to, could it be useful for me right now to just learn how to be on my own for the next month or three months or six months? Could that be useful? Come to think of it, might it give me, might it actually rewire my brain a little bit away from the short-term comfort and onto

something more meaningful? That's a lot of time for people though, right? Like the potential of three to six months. I'm not, by the way, but I'm not saying don't potential of three to six months i'm not by the way but i'm not saying don't spend that three to six months looking for something more i'm not saying take a break from dating i'm saying take a break from all of the open threads in your love life right now that aren't going anywhere right still date but have a policy know, set a policy for the next six months. I'm going to date with intention. And, and anyone who is just in and out of my life in some casual way is kind of a distraction. It's a distraction from what I'm actually looking for, which is something meaningful. And, and I do believe on some level, I don't, I don't think that there's, there's no free lunch and to casual sex. I don't think it's free,

which is ironic given the very nature of calling something casual sex. You think that that's, that's just like no strings attached sex. But I i i almost i i really feel like it's not it's not free even if it doesn't hurt somebody else which it often does right one of the interesting things about casual sex is how often it's not casual for one of the parties but i also think even if it's not hurting somebody else, it, it can kind of have an effect on our psyche. It can, it can take us out of the mode of depth and put us in a bit of a superficial world and it can take us out of the world where we, you know, that I want to be careful in how I, in how I say all of this, because I'm not, I'm not approved when it comes to these things. I'm not righteous when it comes to these things.

I don't have any kind of religious agenda, as you well know, Stephen. But you have been known on a first date to say as a matter of principle, there's no free lunch, which is weird because you say it whenever the check arrives. That is, firstly, good joke, but a very real misrepresentation of me, Stephen.

No, that is the complete opposite. Matt is very generous when the check comes. I know that for a fact. Right. I always buy you lunch. You do, but we're not on a date then. But I know you're a very generous man. But that's just even more impressive. I'm not even trying to get anything from you. I'm just buying you lunch.

No. Okay. So, I want to be careful what I say because I don't have any moral quarrel with casual sex or casual relationships. If you take, you know, Cal Newport talks about deep work in his book, Deep Work, where he says that one of the reasons that we find it really hard to focus in life is because we spend so caught up in the novelty of life. And that one of the big problems with that is our attention spans have gotten worse and our ability to focus has gotten worse. And that one of the reasons that living the deep life, as puts it is hard for people is it is it requires a kind of retraining of our minds to be able to sit quietly and read a book which for most of us is a wildly painful activity these days you you sit to quote read a book but every three minutes you check your phone again to see if anyone's messaged you in the last three minutes. People find it very difficult to sit down and do a difficult piece of work that requires strenuous attention because they've been living in the shallows.

So there's a kind of retraining of our mind. Now, I happen to believe that that idea, that construct is directly applicable to the dating world. I actually think that if we've spent a lot of time or are spending a lot of time in the shallows in our dating lives, I actually think it becomes harder to know what a deep connection either looks like or how one is built. We become disconnected from that world. It's kind of like if you, you know, like if, if you've got the guy who goes out to clubs all the time and is having one night stands and he kind of comes to see the, the world a certain way, if he's not careful. Right. right he he comes to see the world as very almost easy and quick results quick validation quick hits of stimulation mercenary and everything mercenary everything feels a little bit like a game or a bit like a yeah you know transaction people seem shallow because he's meeting a lot of shallow people in those environments people seem like uh they are

transactional because he's i don't know he's buying a table at the club and people come over and so that feels like it has a transactional element to it. And so he starts to sort of believe in that world, um, because he's seeing so much of one aspect of life over and over again. And he therefore is in danger of if he suddenly goes on a date with someone who isn't that kind of woman and is, firstly, she doesn't even like going out at night. She's not even into that. She's an early riser. She values the morning over the night. And she's not someone who's just going to come over to his house this week because he asked. And she's not impressed by some of these things that he's been in a world of just instant gratification. He reads a slower pace as a kind of a front, a kind of rejection or a kind of, you know, there's almost something like, well, you must not like me then, but that's because he's been in a world where

everything's been so quick hit. So it's very easy for him to become disconnected from this other thing. And the irony, the funny thing about the story I'm giving is that he probably won't even end up with a, on a date with a girl like that in the first place. He probably has forgotten or become disconnected from the idea that those kinds of people even exist. Because he's been operating in a certain world for a long time. And whatever world you operate in, you come to believe that's how the world is. Yeah. And so I know that I'm down the rabbit hole with this example, but I really believe this,

that there is a kind of, you have to select the world that you want to live in to an extent, because whatever world you live in, you're going to start to believe is the world. And when you start to believe something is the world, you stop seeing the other thing. Why is it that someone could be like, I only ever want guys who want me for sex? Well, why is it that that's the case? Why is that? Why is it a guy says, I only have ever meet women who want me for my money. You know, you get some guy who's a, uh,, I I've, I've had guys come to me before for coaching who are very successful guys. And they're like, I just want a woman to want me for me. And I always feel like they want me for my money. And I'm like, then I explore the worlds that they're operating in and where they spend their time and who they meet all the time and

what they, what they indulge in all the time and i'm like this the the problem is your world has come to revolve around a certain kind of energy and you can't even see it anymore yeah so so you think that your world is the world but if you step outside of your world an awful lot of people don't even give a shit about what you have. They're not even thinking in those terms. But you're operating in worlds that really give a shit. But you've just come to believe keeping them going is that you can stop realizing what a real relationship looks like. You can stop. You can come to forget what a normal courtship looks like between two people who are intentional about wanting to meet someone.

Who are intentional about dating with purpose. You kind of lose your bearings on that. Because you're trying to have one kind of experience over here and then a completely different kind of experience over here but i actually think having the the the shallow experience or the experience of seeing someone and hooking up and it not going anywhere you you're starting to, you're starting to, to lose your vision for the other experience. I don't, I think when someone comes along who operates differently, it's sometimes you don't know it anymore when you see it.

In the same way that sometimes you can get someone who's been treated badly for a long time, who suddenly finds themselves on a date with a genuine person. And they're almost confused by their behavior. Because this guy either isn't a douchebag who's disrespectful, or he's not some over-the-top charismatic charmer. She just finds herself with a guy who is just having regular meaningful conversation and isn't trying to charm her and also isn't a douchebag. he's just a solid human being and she's like i don't know what to what's what's this game i don't know what he i don't think he's that into me or he didn't do any of the normal things i i don't really know what to do with this you know that's that's the danger is that you stop even seeing what the right thing looks like when you keep indulging the thing you

don't want. Does that make sense? Am I making sense in all of this? You might even think maybe he doesn't even like me because he's not acting in the way that I'm used to. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. No, it all makes total sense. And so I guess what you're saying to bring it back to microdosing as well is you are, when you are microdosing you are actively choosing the culture you are imbibing all the time and the kind of you know that there's that graham's number thing the amount of human relationships a certain person can have there's a maximum number and it's the however many people it's like 100 or whatever and so whoever's in your sphere of influence all those people are influencing you and it might include the people you're texting and dming or

whatever the flaky people and that that affects how you feel about people um yeah yeah um there's there's another one here which kind of also relates to like can you choose your own uh environment if you do have to see the person every day that you microdose on well look you know you're in the same program you're in the same school you're in the same job it requires a different level of discipline you you know you firstly just because they're at your place of work or in your school or, you know, in your, in a similar circle of friends, it's a choice how you want to engage that person and whether you engage them for longer than you need to. Just because you see them at work, it doesn't mean that you have to go and have that flirtatious moment over by the coffee machine. Just because you see them at work, it doesn't mean that you have to join them and a couple of others for happy hour after the day is finished. You can choose to operate in a professional way around that person.

Not spend any more time in their presence than you need to. And then go and aggressively build your life outside of that. When you get home, leave work and go engage with a different group of people. There's a sense of which you have to really draw the line at what interaction or communication is necessary. And where is this me telling myself it's necessary when it's really not? Which then just becomes these little acts of masochism that make life more difficult for yourself.

There is a way to separate even in those environments. And the moment you can get away from that person, do. Yeah, absolutely. There's one final one here that says, what if you're feeling confused because they're leading you to believe a healthy, committed relationship will happen in the future? So I guess some people are in these situations where someone is being ambiguous and so they're micro dosing well let me just say let me know let me know when well let me know when you're ready for that boom if there's a if a healthy committed relationship is something you want in the future let me know when that's something that you feel serious about and i'll let you know if i'm still available i love that that's that takes back total control

instantly i think people always it always troubles me and i understand why because it's hard situation but it does trouble me how powerlessly people come to these things and what you just said there it's such a flipping of the script of just take the control back in your hands take the power position steve it's like when people say but what do i do if he keeps calling as if that is somehow an insurmountable barrier that you want to let him go, but he just keeps calling then block the number. Yeah. It's not, that's not a difficult thing to do. Just block the number. The question isn't what do I do if he keeps calling me? The question is why won't I block his number? Why am I still allowing this person to keep popping up on my phone? And the answer is always the same because I'm not ready to let this person go. I'm not ready to let go of this drug.

So I'm making myself the victim to somebody who keeps reaching out instead of taking my power back and taking responsibility for cutting this person out of my life. It's a way of, it's a sneaky way of still microdosing, but making it not your fault that you're microdosing. The question isn't why do they keep calling and what do I do if they won't leave me alone? The question is, why am I not cutting them out completely? Well, that'll put an end to your dosing, all you

addicts out there. Steve, what are you micro-dosing on right now? Oh, mate. Harry Bow Golden Bears. You've had that little thing for a while now still trying to

kick it yeah it's a bit weird you know i could chalk it up as some kind of pandemic induced anxiety habit but i think i did it before covid i think there is some there's some there's some little attachment going on there there's some little gummy security you're getting in that relationship i can't just love golden bears warren buffett has mcdonald's breakfast every day no one's calling him out steve how many people in the world do you think take golden gummy bears to the bath that when you can't when you when you can't now that's something different that's part of my when you can't go and have a bath without bringing your gummy bears to the bath that it suggests an unhealthy relationship with them no people who listen to this know i will often bring a tangerine

and a cup of coffee and occasionally golden bears if i've just had a long run and need a little bit of sugar back well as far as addictions go it's not the worst among them no i try and keep them i keep them at that sort of level and then i think it'll be okay no one no one crashed and burned because of a dependence on haribo golden if you're going to do some sort of speedball, I want it to be a coffee, gummy bear, tangerine speedball in the bath. Well, Steve, I want to tell people before they go anywhere that we have firstly a free guide for anyone who wants to just get a fun little freebie from us. Go to say this to him dot com, say this to him dot com. And there you will find a free guide with five simple scripts written by us that get someone attracted to you. So go to say this to him.com is super fun. There's a lot of attraction psychology in those things. And while it's not designed to be prescriptive, it is designed to show you the language of attraction and why certain things that you say

work. You can also come and join us on datingating with Results. I'm going to be doing a 90 minute live session for anyone who wants to transform their love life this year, who doesn't understand why they're not getting results, who wants to make sure that they go on dates that actually go somewhere, which means getting the dates in the first place, meeting interesting people for those dates so that you actually get them, and then those dates going somewhere. I have an event called Dating With Results.

It's happening on April the 19th, and it's completely free, but it is gonna be transformative for people's love lives this year. Go to datingwithresults.com to join and reserve your spot for that free live training. Matt, before we go, we had a lovely email in at podcastatmatthewhussy.com from debbie debbie says i found myself to be very word hungry with no satisfaction until i began watching matthew hussey's youtube videos and then discovered the podcast which included a bonus steven that's me by the way voila this is it

i can see why you've read this review steve hold on she says voila this is it you continue to amaze me with your abilities brackets both of you to communicate in such a compassionate and comforting way as if it was the easiest thing in the world i especially appreciate when you openly share your own vulnerabilities you are both so real it means so much to me and to so many i often wish i could see a day in the life of your amazing family when you were young boys to get to see how you came to be such wonderful men i listen to your podcast new and old every day there is so much buried treasure i have to say thank you well done well it's lovely debbie thank you so much that's really lovely very flattering a little embarrassing to read something so complimentary I have to say thank you. Well done. That's lovely, Debbie. Thank you so much.

That's really lovely. Very flattering. A little embarrassing to read something so complimentary, but we really appreciate it. And I agree. Stephen is a wonderful bonus to this podcast. Thanks, man. And if you saw us as young boys, you would have saw a lot of us probably getting shouted at for wrestling and

then breaking something um that was that was pretty much that's pretty much it happened that happened basically all that happened for 10 years three boys wrestling and then potentially breaking some precious china at some point yeah and then everyone in the room going deathly quiet. And then just hearing, Matthew, Stephen, Harry. And everyone just going quiet as church mice as if they weren't in the room at all. That was our childhood.

Well, you can leave us a review at iTunes. It really would mean a lot to us. And, you can leave us a review at iTunes. It really would mean a lot to us. And, you know, it helps other people make a decision on whether to bother listening to the podcast. Let's face it. We have way too many options of what to do with our time these days, even in the podcast category alone. So help give people a reason to tune in to this if they're making the decision by the review that you leave and we'll see you all again soon in the next episode of love life thank you steven

thanks everyone see you soon and thank you to all of you we'll see you next time Outro Music