Love Life with Matthew Hussey - 17: 5 Ways to Be More Interesting Immediately

Episode Date: April 14, 2020

Well hello there from isolation. Guess what? we made a new podcast for you. It’s about how to be a more interesting and engaging person in any interaction with someone through 5 quick principles you can instantly apply. And since most of us are having long-distance conversations with everyone right now, the ability to talk effectively has become utterly essential. These techniques will show you how to take your talking to another level. And I know they work because I live by them. They are relevant whether you’re in the same room with someone, sending voice notes to a new guy, or connecting with a love interest over the phone as we all social distance. (They also apply to business, so you get two for one in today’s episode.) Can’t wait to see what you think. If you want the free training I mention in the episode so that you can have MASSIVE impact in the First 5 Minutes of Any Interaction, click here to download your copy → http://www.First5Guide.com

oh hi there everybody and welcome to another episode of the Love Life Podcast with me, Stephen Hussey. But we will not be talking about love life today or relationships or dating. We're going to be talking about something a little different, which is how to be more interesting. So we're going to expand out from our usual content and go to a clip where Matt breaks down using a very, very popular book on writing. He actually breaks down some techniques to be more captivating, to be more charismatic. Or if you have a public facing job or you have to give talks or whatever it is, how do you keep people on the edge of their seat? How do you be interesting? How do you make people want to hear more from you? So we're going to break that down. And at the end of the clip, Matt mentions a link,

but he doesn't actually spell out what it is. So I'm just going to tell you here so that you can go straight to that. The link is the first five guide.com. So it's just first5guide.com. First, the word first, five, the number five, then guide.com. And I'm going to put it in the actual show notes for this so that if you go there, you can just tap the link and go to the guide straight away. And in that, I personally, it's been written by yours truly, I go through an interview that Matt did on the Elvis Duran radio show. It's one of the biggest radio shows in East Coast of the US. And I actually break down what Matt does in the first five minutes of that interview to have the audience eating out of the palm of their hand, to have them laughing at his stories, to have them engaged and interested. And I actually broke down and said, look, this isn't just a natural air of charisma that Matt has that no one else can have. I show, look, you can actually apply these five principles and do this for yourself. And look at the techniques he's using, whether consciously or unconsciously, and look at ways you can apply these into your own life, into your own storytelling, into your own public speaking, or whatever it is you do, or just everyday conversation. So I think you're really going

to enjoy that. Again, that's firstfiveguide.com. I'll put it in the show notes. And if you want to email me and let me know what you thought of that guide, send me your email at podcast at matthewhussey.com. And I'd love to hear what you learned from it, what you can apply from it, what you thought of it. I'd love to hear from you. Podcast at matthewhussey.com. All right, without further ado, over to Matt. How can you be a more interesting person? I was recently reading a book called On Writing Well by William Zinsser that I found absolutely fascinating and I think is a great read for anyone, whether you're a writer, an aspiring writer, or simply someone who wants to take these principles of great writing and apply them to your life. It was once said to me that any book on writing is actually a book about life, and I think

there's a lot of truth to that. Now clearly, it would be an insult to the writing profession to assume that we can suddenly just be a great writer by applying certain principles. It takes an immense amount of hard work over time to be a great writer. But there are principles that are mentioned in this book that I believe all of us can adopt today that would not only make us a more interesting writer, but would make us a more interesting speaker, a more interesting partner, a more interesting person at a dinner table, that if we applied them, our charisma would instantly be lifted. So I want to take you through five of these one by one. One of them's come from me that I've added into the mix, but four of them have

been inspired by Zinsser in his book. Number one, never be afraid to write about a place that you think has had every last word written about it. It's not your place until you write about it. Now, I think in life in general, a lot of us are afraid to talk on certain subjects. We're afraid to talk about certain things, whether it's relationships or places we've been or stories we've got in our lives, because we're almost afraid that we don't have anything to add to the conversation. And if I took that view that I could never make a video about something that's been said before, I would never make a video. What hasn't been said about heartbreak or love or romance over the last

couple of thousand years? And even if you say, well, yeah, but dating apps are new. What hasn't been said about dating apps? The point is, it's not my delivery on a subject until I've delivered it. So if you're at a dinner table and something comes up that you feel like is a kind of tired subject or people talk about it all the time, remember you haven't had your your input into it and you may have your angle, your unique way of looking at that thing, or simply your truth about that thing, and that is worth something. Number two, there is nothing more interesting than the truth. So many of us try to find the wittiest, cleverest way of saying something instead of just saying the thing that's true for us. Whenever anyone speaks

or writes or makes a video or tells a story at a dinner table, there's often a tremendous amount of ego involved. And the ego element can actually get in the way of the truth because we're so busy worrying about how we say something that we don't stop to think, is this really true for me? Am I actually being vulnerable here? Because if I am, I'm probably going to make a connection. In the book, Zinsser talks about how when he's editing other people's writing, he'll often find those first few paragraphs that they write are so concerned with their grandiosity or their ornate language or being, you know,

interesting in some storytelling way that it takes three or four paragraphs before he gets to anything real. Interestingly, Zinsser says, what I'm always looking for as an editor is a sentence that says something like, I'll never forget the day when I, he says at that point, I think, aha, a person. Isn't that everything, by the way? In conversation, when we're talking to someone on a date, when we're speaking to a family member we don't see very often and therefore we don't feel like we really know that well anymore. When we're seeing a friend or meeting someone for the first time, the moment of connection is always that

moment where they say something that's real and you go, aha, a person. Number three, go with your interests. Zinsser writes, no area of life is stupid to someone who takes it seriously. No subject is too specialized or too quirky if you make an honest connection with it when you write about it. I have found this to be true of so many things in life, not just in my personal experience, that what I talk passionately about, people tend to connect with me on. And of course, if I'm interested in it, it's much easier for me to get passionate about it in the first place. But I've also noticed it about the way I receive subjects from other people. I've heard people talk about wine, not a subject that I'm inherently fascinated by.

But when they talk about it, I find myself interested in wine. I think, oh, I would like to take that wine tasting trip in Napa and try that different red and look at the differences between them. When someone talks to me about something that they are interested in and they get passionate about it, they are able to instill that saying. It's like they can infect me with that passion. And that's a power we all have of transference, right? What is persuasion, but a transference of energy? I can persuade you to see the value or the interest or the intrigue or the fascination in a subject if I myself get passionate about it. But it's far easier to get passionate about something when we don't have to generate interest because that interest is inherent to who we are. Number four, your weaknesses are

your strengths. This is something I'm throwing into the mix along with the very profound advice that Zinsser is giving us. I have found over the years that we massively undervalue our weaknesses as a source of likability and a source of connection and relatability. I look at my life this year and I've been enjoying having these conversations

on podcasts this year, interviews with you guys here on these videos that are more vulnerable, that are more open. And not that I wasn't myself before, but I have just decided to show more of myself this year. I'm feeling a little braver, a little more comfortable in who I am, and more excited about the impact that sharing more of myself can have in helping other people. The comments that I've received as a result of that this year have been amongst the most beautiful comments I've ever received in my 12 years of doing this. And that has been as a result of sharing more of myself, which has in no small part involved sharing more of my weaknesses. Your weaknesses are a window through which other people can look and say, aha, a person.

Number five, approach situations where you feel out of your depth with a sincere curiosity. Zintzer refers to a situation where he was going to write about baseball. And although he'd been a baseball fan in his lifetime, he had never been a sports writer. And so he felt very much out of his depth in going and talking to the kinds of people that he was talking to who knew the game inside out and may not take him seriously. He wrote, strictly, I had no credentials. Any of the men I approached with my notebook, managers, coaches, players, umpires, scouts, could have asked, what else have you written about baseball? But nobody did. This is the interesting part. They didn't because I had another kind of credential, sincerity. It was obvious to those men that I really wanted to know how they did their work.

Remember this when you enter new territory and need a shot of confidence. Your best credential is yourself. I think that there is something extremely beautiful about that, that there are many conversations in which we find ourselves very much out of our depth, out of our element. We find ourselves in that awkward situation where somebody is telling us about their career or a project they're working on that we know nothing about. And instead of expressing a sincere curiosity about that thing, we nod along like everything they've just said makes sense. And that's a barrier to connection because people feel a disconnect when we just nod along They may not consciously be able to articulate it

But they can feel that there's a lack of connection there that there's sort of a hollow Acknowledgement of something they just said that doesn't represent real understanding Especially because there's not a follow-up question that comes that shows that you've understood So instead what we should do is be more vulnerable, be more open about what we don't know, but make up for what we don't know by a genuine, sincere curiosity that makes the other person feel important, feel acknowledged, and feel complimented by our interest. What I love about all of these is that they're principles you can apply today. Whether it's in your business, your love life, your social life, you can start doing them now. Whatever age you are, whatever

gender you are, if you watch my videos and you want to have more impact and presence in life, this is relevant to you. And if you enjoyed the way that Zinsa breaks down how to be more interesting in writing and you like that kind of very principle-centered approach to how to do it, I have something from my own life that is going to make a huge difference for you. It's literally a free training where my brother took an interview I did on radio, looked at the first five minutes and asked the question, why is it Matt was able to have impact in those first five minutes? What was he doing? And so in this free training, you get to listen to the radio interview,

these five minutes, and then look at Stephen's play-by-play analysis of what I was doing in that room in those five minutes. Once you hear this, you'll have a completely different set of principles and techniques that you can apply to the first five minutes of any interaction you ever have, whether it's in business, your love life, or your social life. I think you're going to love this. It's super practical. It's at this link. It's called the first five minutes. I'm looking forward to your feedback. I'll see you there. As I said, check it out at this link. As mentioned before, listeners, Matt doesn't actually say the name of the link there. So that link again, if you want to go to it, it's firstfiveguide.com. Just the word first, the number five, guide.com. Firstfiveguide.com. All right. I hope you enjoy

the breakdown, the principles there. Email me at podcast at matthewhussey.com and let me know what you thought of it. And that's it from me. I'm going to head off for the week. I hope you're well. England's nice and sunny at the moment. I'm enjoying spring. I hope you are too. Be well wherever you are. I'll see you soon.