Love Life with Matthew Hussey - 187: Have You Ever Fallen For THIS Guy??

Episode Date: October 19, 2022

There are certain types of romantic partners who present themselves as having amazing qualities: deep, thoughtful, self-aware, spiritually evolved…   But, can these qualities be just another form of seduction that hides ego and selfishness? What if someone is good at appearing have all the right character traits, but then you find out yourself feeling neglected or hurt when you’re in a relationship with them?   Matt, Steve, Audrey and Jameson talk about how you can get fooled by first impressions, and what to look for to know if someone is actually going to have the traits of a great partner.   ---   Join our next Virtual Retreat (November 11th - 13th)! - Claim Your Spot Today at MHVirtualRetreat.com --- Email us! You can in touch with the show and give your feedback/thoughts at [e-mail] --- Follow Matt on Insta @thematthewhussey Follow Stephen on Insta @stephenhhussey

We should sleep together tonight. Think about it. Think about what Eckhart says. The power of now. Not tomorrow. Not next week. Now. Hey everybody, welcome back to Love Life. We have a very exciting show for you today. We're going to be dealing with a listener question, a question from the lovely Maylen who asks us about the phenomenon of spiritual fuckboys. We are going to be talking about people who aren't quite what they appear, people who say all the right things, and yet when it really comes down to it, don't have the integrity, the character, and the substance that would make them great for a relationship.

This is really an episode about people whose words and whose general initial energy does not match who they reveal themselves to be. Before we get into the episode, I wanted to make sure you know that there is a very special launch of our best-selling program, How to Talk to Men, taking place between now and midnight this Friday. If you get in in time, not only do you get How to Talk to Men, but you also get a couple of very special bonuses, including seven text messages that get someone to respond because they're particularly charming and charismatic, real life text from guys, and my perfect response to these messages. What sort of job do I do, Jameson, where I'm just writing responses to other men? I've worked with you for a long time and I'll say you do a great goddamn job.

Thank you. Thank you very much. You really believe in my ability to attract men? Yeah, it's just what I've seen in front of my eyes. You're the man whisperer. Have you at any point been attracted? Has it ever worked on you? I mean, I'm back, aren't I?

I'm here. I'm here. Kept him around for nearly 10 years the ultimate seduction the ultimate seduction turned out to be jameson all along don't be flaunting your side piece in front of me whoa he does not like being called a side piece oh i thought that was an upgrade oh yeah sorry all right well anyway go grab your copy right now at secret scripts.com do it now before you get into the episode then it's done it's just in your inbox you'll have the program and then you can come back and listen to us here. Secretscripts.com. Okay. So we were inspired to make this episode from a question that came in from one of our

lovely listeners, Maylen. I laughed when I read this question, but I also sort of felt that she was getting something culturally that is probably a present day dating phenomenon. So you haven't heard this question yet, Jameson. Stephen, I can't remember if you've seen this or not yet. I know you hadn't seen this before now. So me and Audrey are the only ones that have read this. I'm really curious as to what you think, because I think this is a modern day phenomenon. She says, hi, Matt, I get your videos every week and I can honestly say I have grown a lot through your advice and I'm currently in a healthy relationship. I saw your video this week about the lady who wrote to you about the big deal celebrity

guy and her trying to get him to commit or even say what the relationship was. A thing that came through for me that was not really discussed and it has been a trap for me in a previous relationship is something that's mentioned in this video but not really discussed in depth. This woman explains that the guy confided with her about emotional trauma, cried with her, and overall seems emotionally available or at minimum trying to access and share his emotions. Before I met my current boyfriend, I got a bit stuck in a situationship with a guy who was doing men's group therapy, could have really deep conversations about feelings, seemed self-aware and aware of how the past had affected him, could share emotions and cry with me and yet was utterly unable to commit. And in fact, after I cut it off with him, I found out he had been seeing other women despite telling me we were dating exclusively, but being unable to call me girlfriend.

I think sometimes we fall into the trap of seeing a guy that seems emotionally aware, and we see that as honesty, availability, and overall attractive qualities. When we see them share their difficulties and connect in that way with us, we think it means something more than it actually does to them. And yet, ultimately,

it still doesn't really advance the relationship in any way, but it does create an additional emotional hook to the person that's hard to break. I would go as far as to say that in my experience, the guy I was seeing was probably using all of that quote wokeness to keep me around in limbo in a very manipulative, but covert way. I believe the term for those guys is spiritual fuckboys. They basically use their knowledge and experience of emotional connection to deepen the bond with women, but still have a relationship or other trauma related excuse to be on the brink of commitment, but never fully in. As always, you did a great job explaining the

concept of their excuses versus our reality and needs. And I think it's worth mentioning that the one excuse this guy has used is one that gets very manipulated, particularly nowadays when men are opening up to spirituality, men's work, trauma healing, and this information and lingo is readily available. Thank you for all your help. Wow. I don't know why I just find it so funny. Can't you just picture him? Well, I don't find it that hard to picture him.

I feel like this is a growing pool of men. So Stephen, you've got quite the reaction here. I want to hear from you first. I have no idea what you're going to say here because you had not heard this question before. So where do you land on this? I'm cycling through various caricatures. I'm thinking like traveling guy who lives around a beach and wears a lot of shell necklaces and beads and braids and stuff i'm thinking that guy i'm thinking dude who leads like yoga seminars um yeah and i'm thinking uh yeah therapy guy who looks like like a gentle masculine you know in touch emotional guy but he's also just like you can't pin me down i don't want

to define this don't limit me or he's like i've got all these traumas and that's his story steven would you say that he normally has the unique pairing of masculinity and all of these apparently emotionally vulnerable and available qualities. Would you say masculinity ends up tends to be a key part of the equation? Yeah, I think in general, yes. I think he can look like he embodies a great unique pairing of being a active guy who's also emotional. And like Audrey says, he's got a lot of the

language which is like oh this isn't just like your typical bro in front of video games who's just like oh i don't care about that stuff he's he does he's into all that stuff so he does know the language of therapy he does know about he's read some eckhart tolle he's read some Eckhart Tolle he's read some uh Jack Kornfield he knows how to quote all these people and so yeah he's kind of also he's got he's got all the language as well don't bring beautiful wonderful Eckhart into this what a twist that would be if Eckhart's work is just producing fuck boys here's my thing though that's not his intention i'm sure we should sleep together tonight think about it think about what eckhart says the power of now not tomorrow not next week here's my here's my thing though i'm not saying those here's my thing though together we could

make a new earth when i look at you baby i just think power of wow nice here's my thing though i'm not saying all those guys are frauds or anything like that i think that there can just be a massive lack of self-awareness in some people like i think some of those masculine i'm a spiritual bro types kind of might believe their own bullshit and they do kind of think they're really sensitive and in touch but they're also their masks may be a massive self-obsession or a massive ego or just insensitivity like they're they're really sensitive to their needs and stuff but not when it actually comes to someone else's they're not very sensitive that's interesting i think ego is the the word right it's the key word because it's very much a case of i think i actually think not everyone obviously but that world really does is a magnet for narcissism because what it allows people to do is create an

identity and you know spirituality is the modern day religion you could argue but it allows like this kind of it allows people to build on this kind of I have these answers that you don't have and I'm connected to something that you don't yet understand and it's all very self-righteous it's all very self-sereous. It's all very self-serving. And it helps build an identity and feed an ego, I think, which is actually so ironic given that, you know, the fundamentals and the kind of origins of meditation, spirituality, connection is to be egoless. But it tends to actually breed very egoic

and narcissistically inclined individuals like this man. I find it so funny. I'm sorry. I think this subject is hilarious. Spirituality in the form that we find it so much these days is the best one to choose. Like if you're going to pick either one of the religions or spirituality is the best one because it you you get all of the quote enlightenment and the kind of being able to wear that enlightenment to other people but without any of the sort of stuffy rules you can sort of with spirituality you sort of

a la carte makeup you make it whatever you want it to be you know if it's if it's sleeping with lots and lots and lots of people all the time and not being pinned down that's it's entirely compatible with your spirituality you know it doesn't have to you don't have to look at it through the lens of something as there's too much red tape in christianity and it doesn't come with the it doesn't come with a bunch of fusty commandments that you've also got to live by well i don't want to like call out too many religions here but you can look through like yes i agree it's a modern phenomenon right but if you look at the history of religions and then the cults that broke off from religions you can you tend to find a pattern where it's like i don't

care what cult you think of whether it was something that started in the 1800s 1900s or even recently i guarantee you get to the end of that cult and there's a guru at the top who is having sex with lots of people's wives right you know it's just like yeah at some point he's got the he's got the the gift of gab to talk about spirituality and all these things that make people that breaks down other people's ego and he probably claims to break down his own ego at the same time but something happened where he took the leadership role instead and is just now um you know he's trying to convince you that like no no if you really if you really don't have an ego you'll let me sleep with your wife right now there's also i think there's the

more dangerous um you're loving this because we're getting into sort your territory here with true crime we're like sort of verging towards like cults cults and true cry it's just the stuff that you actually binge for fun i'm just picturing this man that you've just described jameson and he's got crystal around his neck and he's wearing yoga pants and he has no shoes i just love steven's idea of the fusty 10 commandments like like god is some sort of like fusty old man that's just given these these you know and we're the young scallywags that he's going are you you're just making up your own stuff and we're like no man this is commandments too much too much bureaucracy in these these bloody commandments you can't like write ethics in a book man that's the sort of vibe well let's get back to the point we're talking about these guys that that you know they they

talk a good game they've learned a certain language well i wanted to say that like yeah there was the i want to bring up the cultts and stuff because it's that part has been around forever but the the new side of it is really interesting because uh we live in los angeles matt and you know i think los angeles is at the forefront of this like we were cutting edge these guys like really they're pioneers to make this mainstream, which is like, you know, even people that got into acting, like acting, they're very in touch with their emotions, but they're also extremely vain and very good at not just being in touch with their emotions, but actors, you can't just feel the stuff,

you have to express it. And there's so many guys that are just like extremely great, chiseled, masculine jawline who suddenly built this language and practice of just like weaponized or instrumental vulnerability to just try to like really oh can you feel all of my feelings good give that back to me i'm gonna suck it up dry yeah and a red flag for this is is the conversation them getting high on the sound of their own voice? Because I think sometimes the grandiose language and the experience and the vision and all of this, we can get caught up in it, right?

Like, oh my God, this person is amazing at communicating, but paying close attention to the fact that are they actually interested in what you're saying back to them or is this just more of a kind of an opportunity for a monologue? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I haven't said one word word in this conversation we've been on this day for three hours enough about you let's talk about me why are the people gathering around here's a stage do you think though they're just good is it a kind of seduction like uh it's a form of seduction for a certain kind of person is looking for someone who because why would some people get fooled by it i guess is my question and some people don't is it that some people are looking for something that just wears the clothing of being spiritually

evolved or is it that these people are very charismatic and just able to seduce and hide who they really are for a long time i mean to be fair i think it can be easy to be fooled you you meet someone who's got charisma they talk in a language that doesn't seem it's it's not common you know it's like not the guys at the pub it feels like it it feels more involved it feels like oh this is exactly what i'm looking for deep intelligent insightful conversation and when someone is repeating back to you their four favorite books without quoting the people they're talking about um they sound incredibly insightful and you sit there and you go wow this person's interesting and it can be easy it's really easy to forget that this person hasn't asked you one question when you're having a good time with

someone and when you're enjoying listening to what they have to say and there is a charm to them it's actually very easy to not realize that this entire conversation has been about them because them has been interesting them has been kind of fascinating true and and so you i i you know we'll come up me and audrey sometimes meet people and and i'll come away going a really cool interesting person and audrey will go that person's not that's not good they're not a good egg and i and i'll and i'll meet them on the second occasion or the third occasion and i'll go oh my god you were right they're a terrible human there's like a lot going on with that person. I don't really mean terrible, but you know,

you kind of, you realize, oh, there's a darkness about them or you realize, oh, they're unbelievably self-obsessed. And, but you, you don't, you know, I sometimes, sometimes get people get through that filter with me initially in a way that they don't with it. Why do you think you are so good at that? Because you are, I mean, you're extraordinary with people, but you're very good read of that. What do you think it is that allow, what do you think allows you to read that so quickly in people when there's what they're saying and how interesting and charismatic and connected you feel with them actually is a red flag well i think two things first of all

i always observe how i feel after speaking to someone and if i feel kind of filled up or energized or i think then i tend to be a bit more forgiving but I think a lot of people leave me feeling drained and I think when people are very self-centered it drains me very quickly because as you know I will ask people questions I'm very interested I'm very engaged as are you so I think when people take advantage of that energy and take advantage of the fact that you're very giving in that way, it just sort of drains you. I'm also really suspicious of people who are highly charismatic the first time you meet them. I'm always suspicious of people like that. and highly charismatic and sort of, you know, the people who are just kind of saying all the right things and really painting a picture of how much of a great person they are

and they're just loving dropping in all of the ways that they love their family and they love this and they care about that. And I just always think, what are you trying to prove here? Yeah, I think one of the giveaways, I think, is when people spoon feed you their values you know when they talk about you know i just think you know i just think it's so important to be kind you know i just think it's it's really so important to be kind to to people and uh you know i just or they're just you know i just really value honesty you know, I just, or they're just, you know, I just really value honesty. You know, I think that's one of the most important things to me is, is honesty in other people.

And in this place, you just don't see enough honesty. And if you, if you have to say it, if you have to say I'm a really genuine person, probably not a really genuine person. If you have to say that you value honesty, you probably have to, you're probably saying it because you think it sounds good rather than because you're living it day to day as your value yeah I think it's some it's it's a difficult problem because as you're talking about that Audrey and it's like I could imagine the super charismatic person to me I would definitely leave feeling filled up you know they would leave me feeling great you feel buzz You feel buzzed. I feel buzzed. I want some of that again.

I mean, yeah, he has great values. I hope he can spoon feed me some more and that'd be great. But I do think that there's some of, like if I'm looking for signs, the spoon feeding is a really interesting point, Matt. I think if anyone's spoon feeding you too much, that's where your skepticism should start to creep in a little bit yeah why are you why aren't you just being this why are you talking about being this you don't

need to show like show me who you are don't tell me who you are so you gotta earn it over time i want i want to make friends and then i want them to be you know uh four shots deep before they tell me some really moving experience they had. You got to earn that with that, with that fourth cocktail. You can't just like, I met you four minutes ago. Why do I know this much about what you really think about the world? And that's really interesting, really interesting because I think if a man shares a story with you, you feel more connected to them. Even if it's a first date or second date, you go, oh my God, they were so vulnerable with me.

They shared their trauma. They shared this really deep story about their childhood and what they went through. It's actually probably a little bit of a red flag, so to speak, if somebody is oversharing that way very early on. Because as you just said, Jameson that that's gotta be earned like why is he feeling so comfortable to share with you a perfect stranger something incredibly personal about his life you almost have to go who am i i'm not special to them i'm we're we're

we're on a date we're on a first date so if this is what they're doing with me I have to assume on some level that this is not uncommon for them right they they get this vulnerable with people and I think the instinct is to feel special and to feel connected and as a woman you're you know we we can be quite nurturing in the way that we are with you know with perfect strangers and we can just sort of go oh I feel really close to this person I feel like I can I really helped them and it was really healing to have this conversation with them instead of actually looking at it for what it is which is just probably too much information for date one can I can I give another red flag yeah go on if you're being if you're being slightly

vulnerable about something or just being just being open with someone about something in your life and i don't mean the kind of vulnerability this sort of sickly over the top vulnerability you're talking about but just the if you're just open and that person starts giving you advice, that is like one of my immediate red flags is if you, I didn't ask for advice, but based on some information, you're using this information that I just gave you as an opportunity to coach me or lecture me. Like that is, that I find to be really, really a bad sign because it's, then you know this is all about you getting off on the sound of your own voice, you getting off on what you know, you trying to play a role where you've got it more together than me. So that represents a lack of vulnerability in you. It's, it's all. So I would say that as almost the kind of counterpoint

to someone who weaponizes their vulnerability. Uh, it's almost someone who weaponizes your vulnerability. If they jump on who weaponizes your vulnerability. If they jump on it, if they pounce on it to take on the coaching role, just, yeah, that is a good red flag. Horrible, horrible, horrible. It's the opposite of connection. I feel like this is a personal reference. Well, I've felt, no, I've felt it a lot.

I think people think, for me at least, I think people think that if they speak to me in my own time i'm gonna coach them and it's the opposite i i absolutely never do you guys know i never do that i'm always just having a conversation with someone that's interesting you know i felt that once yeah you know i that's how i relate to people but i do know that i there are times where i've shared something about myself and someone immediately goes into you just really have to think about life in this way and whatever and i'm like oh god i was just trying i was just sharing i wasn't asking for a you know for you to come down from high and give me an answer to this it's interesting I think because

that is the difference obviously you your profession is advice and guidance and what's really interesting is and I think the reason why you know compliment time but why you're so good at what you do is because you really do cultivate a lot of curiosity in your life and you never make someone feel like just because you have come across you know thousands of different hundreds of thousands of different scenarios in your life you know you have all the answers to them because you know full well that what you believe today may not be what you believe tomorrow and all it could take is just meeting one person who has a better opinion than you on it and I think there's a difference again between the kinds of people where they sort of they talk to you and those those guys

in general that she's speaking about I think are just the kinds of guys who will very much speak in a way like they have all the answers they have all of the understanding of themselves of the situation of how people are of everything and instead of kind of trying to assume the role of student they're just constantly trying to be the teacher because they're high on their own voice thank you for saying that because that's really it's really lovely look i i think that what all of this comes down to as always and there this podcast what i love about it is there are thousands of different ways in but we always arrive at the same themes and the more you hear the themes repeated over and over again from every angle the more the more you can start to see the truth of them just self-evident and validated in a universal way.

This is about people whose actual character does not match up to what we first see. That it doesn't matter what someone says to you about who they are, or how exciting they appear to be in the beginning, or how much they appear to be in the beginning or how much they appear to speak the same language as us. You have to actually watch what someone does. They can say they're kind or they can keep repeating to you how kind they are. And then you can actually sort of watch them and go, oh, I don't actually see that in the way that they're treating people in this very room. They can keep talking about how generous they are, and yet you haven't been able to get a word in in conversation. So their generosity absolutely does not show up in sharing

the conversational stage with you. When we see these contradictions is it's actually important that we don't allow their charisma and the flowery language or the way they communicate which might be very enjoyable to mask that this always this gets back to what you always say about unique parents right like this guy can be can seem massively attractive because he's got that masculine something and also that super sensitive uh great communicator in touch with his feeling side and sometimes that can just be genuine right that can be a genuine attractive unique pairing but there's just no shortcuts in relationships so i think you just have to take your time with it and not be fooled. And there's no, by the way, that's very true.

And there's also no shortcuts when it comes to building character. You don't get to go to a yoga class and read a spiritual book and now have great character. You might talk the language. You might be wearing pants from ALO, you might be carrying your yoga mat into the coffee shop, you might have all the right trappings or the kind of trim of someone who thinks in enlightened ways and use the language.

I really wanna honor myself, I really wanna honor my truth, I really want to honor myself. I really want to honor my truth. I really want to just live in integrity. You can say all of these phrases that become utterly devoid of meaning in the ways that they're used. It doesn't build character. Character takes time. Character, in fact, let me rephrase that because character can only be revealed over time, but building character is something that is built through struggle. It's built through suffering. It's built through reaching places in our life of massive humility of having gone through something and been, you know, had the rug pulled out from underneath us, of losing the things that we relied on for

our confidence, of life not being the way that we thought it was, or not panning out the way we thought it would, or just going through things that make us take a step back and go, life is tough. And, whoa, this gives me an insight into how tough it is for other people. And when you realize how tough it is for other people, that doesn't make you go, let me talk about myself all the time. It makes me go, let me go and find out more about other people. Let me go and connect with other people. Because it's one of the, you know, I'm a big believer in therapy,

but there's nothing worse than someone who does therapy and comes out and all they ever do is talk about their therapy. Because it's somehow one of the side effects for some people can be that just everything in life becomes about how, you know, that they get addicted to their narrative, their story and how interesting it is and why they are the way they are. And they forget that other people in the world exist. And they can tell a very interesting story about themselves, but it doesn't have any of the humility of I'm one in 7 billion and that other people have stories and let me connect with theirs. Yeah. And it's interesting. I've even seen on dating apps women who have specified not interested in a guy if he hasn't done therapy and i always think that's an interesting one because it's like i understand the intention of what that person's saying is very dogmatic though

and also it it suggests that because you've done that, you are going, you have got a tick and you've got the language and you've diagnosed yourself. So you're going to be a superior partner. But who's to say, A, who's to say your therapy has necessarily helped you? And B, so, you know, so what? Like, oh, I've gone to therapy. I've been to a spiritual retreat. I've done yoga. It might be nice if you have an interest in those things but it doesn't actually tell you anything about the qualities of that person well what that person is saying when they say i want someone who's been to therapy or i'm not interested in someone who hasn't done therapy is is that they really value self-awareness and a desire to grow and be a better person right well yes i would argue that the two things

don't necessarily go hand in hand the you can be self-aware but not have a desire to grow or you can also be self-aware have a desire to grow but ultimately just constantly give in to your worst kind of side there are people who have been in therapy for three decades who are not any improved. Well, the improvement takes work and therapy is one form of work. But you have to actually be willing to do the things that make you a better person

and self-awareness alone won't make you do those things. Therapy needs to meet character because character is the ability to do hard shit and self-awareness alone won't make you do those things therapy needs to meet character because character is the ability to do hard shit even when you don't want to do it even when it's it's you know very much the resistant road and you're not going to get your favorite outcome as a result of it but you're you are living your value by doing it. That is what character, that's how it's built over time, right? And so the reason therapy alone with a lack of character just is pointless. It's a pointless exercise.

What's the show we've been watching on Netflix? Dharma? Dharma, yeah. What was his name? Jeffrey Dharma, the serial killer. Yeah, Jeffrey Dharma. I mean, when you watch him in a jail cell and he's talking about what he's done,

he seems fairly self-aware yeah he even thinks he's a monster you feel almost sorry for him don't you but he's yeah because he's sort of there's a self-awareness to it but it's not you know i wouldn't want to go back to his house for a beer just because he's self-aware he'd still you still have apparently swipe right on that uh on that profile because he'd be like, oh, yeah, that leads to therapy. Steve, what I find so, I think you and I are probably in agreeance on this, but what I find so cringe about that therapy signaling on the profile is just that that's automatically

putting yourself on the pedestal. It's like, unless you've gone to therapy and you can speak my therapy language. So that's, I think that's the the troublesome problem there it's just the signaling element yeah i've got friends who have never done a session of therapy in their lives who i think will probably make better partners than some people i know who do a lot of therapy exactly you know i mean so it's kind of like yeah it's like you can learn all the language you go well these are my bag of issues though but it's like well yeah but have have you worked on them is it is it working like what what are the issues there's

plenty of people with uh trainers at the gym that just sit there talking with their trainers not actually getting a good good workout i still think though if you gave me the option i would prefer you to have had therapy i no no no i i actually agree with that 100 i i think the point is it doesn't really tell you something on its own like does someone reading eckhart tolle tell you anything like there are there are people who have read eckhart tolle who are 10 times bigger it tells you more great taste it tells you no but no but there are people there are people who've read eckhart tolle who are 10 times bigger assholes there are people who have read the complete works of marcel proust and they're very literary but they're complete assholes it doesn't actually tell you anything

other than they have done that right but if someone said to you i'm not interested in doing therapy ever wouldn't that be a sort of that that would that would scare me more than like that I feel like would give me more of a signal whereas of course someone going to therapy doesn't mean they're a good person but if someone says I'm not interested in that that would be a little alarming for me I think also it shows that someone's willing to invest in making themselves happier and better, which you're obviously going to benefit from. Now, whether it works or not is a different story, but at least, and I'm not saying you should make that your criteria for dating apps, but I do think that I understand the logic of wanting, you know, if you've actually spent money and time and energy

trying to work on aspects of yourself that hold you back. I think that's a good thing. My worry with this is that this is exactly what that guy that she was dating put on his profile. I guarantee he probably put something like, only swipe right if you've done therapy. You know, that's a language. I think the key word that you keep coming back to, Matt, is humility. And the person that's putting that in their profile, i think they don't have the right amount of humility about the different journeys i that is a great way of putting it is thinking that this path is the only path and that's what people who you know people who start making yoga their religion that that creates this hubris people who make therapy their religion that that

creates that same arrogance it's is when you stop respecting the fact that people get their different ways you know the extreme of it these days is someone who just swears by psychedelics it's like the only way to get any form of truth and enlightenment the only way to peek behind the curtain of what's really going on in life and what reality really is is to have shoved some mushrooms in your mouth now i've got no problem with oh mouth no wonder i didn't really have the experience yeah you were going up the wrong end okay yeah yeah yeah because i guess i can't figure this yeah no you got they no, they go down, not up. All right, yeah, we'll get it.

Yeah, okay, all right. So that's why you're not enlightened. I really did not do well with that on my profile. I've been expecting so much more truth from you with all the mushrooms you've been doing. And all you've been doing is taking sick days. His profile just said, mushrooms don't really get all

the fuss about it you know what's interesting about what you're saying though i think is it's usually replacing one addiction with another so right people who are kind of enlightened and you know have found this spiritual awakening that other people don't have access to tend to be people who partied so hard in their 20s and 30s and took all sorts of drugs and did all these things and then suddenly that didn't work anymore they were deeply unhappy and they just found their next thing to jump onto now it's not always the case but i think it happens a lot where it's just people were very addictive kind of binary personalities and they just find the next wave the next thing

um and i think there's a lot of truth to that and the psychedelic it ends up feeling like you know if you don't know you don't know and it's almost like you're on the outside of it if you're not no problem with psychedelics i have no problem with people doing mushrooms i did we did a little bit of mushrooms but not enough to make any real difference just because i have me personally when did we do that no well no i did it you weren't you weren't there it was a little while back but it didn't it like because i have issues with my you know like you know pain in my head and stuff it any kind of substance can just upset it and so i was nervous doing it and then it just wasn't good it wasn't bad it just wasn't good the way you were doing it nothing

was gonna happen right well i didn't go up the ass yeah so that was the that was part of the problem um no i i didn't do the j method i uh but you know i it's my point is I'm not some, I don't have a problem with any of that stuff. I just have a problem with someone who's done it patronizing the rest of us as if there's now a wisdom they have that we don't. And I'll bless you. You don't know. It's like, that's why I can't stand.

It's like when Brian finds out that he has a son and family guy and he's like, unless you have kids, you've talked about before, man, and he's like, unless you have kids. You've talked about it before, man. But it's just, it's that same kind of like- When you have children. Yeah, it's the assumption that, and there's probably, the thing is, there's probably some truth to it.

Like, you know, I imagine there's a whole new landscape of experience once you have kids. But again, those, the people that I respect that are parents, they're still humble about that. There's so many different routes to wisdom and to experience in life. It's, I think that if I could wrap this up, I'd say find someone who, who find, well, one of the messages I think from this is find someone who has the humility, as you pointed out, Jameson, to be curious about other people's paths in life

and how they got there. And to me, the person who's genuinely enlightened, genuinely emotionally available, genuinely spiritual, for want of a better word, is good at connecting, is good at understanding your journey and being interested in it and their spirituality or what their character they've built in their life might be more likely to build than announce itself the moment you meet someone in some spectacular and charismatic fashion. Not least of which,

because the person who's humble and confident doesn't feel the need to dazzle you the moment they meet you. They're actually confident enough to let themselves be to build in their attractiveness. They don't need to dazzle you the moment they meet you with how wonderful and enlightened and clever they are i think a shared spiritual framework is great and if you look for that same religion same spirituality that's great but don't assume knowledge is character knowledge of therapy culture knowledge of of the works of Eckhart Tolle, knowledge of Christianity, all going to Oxford because there are a lot of shits there as well. Really well said, Stephen.

I agree. If you haven't got How to Talk to Men by now, now is the best time to do it because it is available until midnight on Friday night. This is a program that gives you 59 secret scripts on how to communicate at all different parts of the dating process. And it's not designed to be prescriptive. It's designed to teach you a language, a language of attraction, a language of impact, a language of asserting yourself, standards, confidence, that once you know it, you can then apply that in your own voice to any situation you're in with someone at any part of the process, whether it's leading up to a first date, whether you're on date three, or whether you're six months

in and trying to take it to the next level. It's probably the most practical program we've ever released. It doesn't dabble in lots of abstract philosophy. It just gets to the answers of what you should do. And let us know what you think of this episode over at podcast at matthewhussey.com we hope you've been enjoying these last couple of episodes um we have made a conscious effort based on some feedback to jump into the topic quicker because we know some of you there was one there was one email from someone no it was a it was a review on itunes that said matt i'm such a huge fan i just didn't i didn't recommend it to friends for a minute because I didn't know when the main topic would start.

And I just sort of felt like it was, you were doing a really great job for Deep Cuts fans, but for the people that didn't know you, they might want you to get into the topic quicker. So we've listened. We've taken that advice humbly and we've listened and we've tried to adjust. So let us know if we're doing a better job.

Again, that email is podcast at matthewhussey.com and come back next week for another episode of Love Life. Don't forget while you're creating the love you want in your life and giving the love you want in your life, don't forget to love the life you already have because in many ways, the life you already have is spectacular. We'll see you soon. Bye, everyone. Bye.