Love Life with Matthew Hussey - 20: What Makes You Irreplaceable to a Guy

Episode Date: April 27, 2020

One big myth I've heard from thousands of women is, "I'm only attracted to the guys who are BAD for me".  People tell ourselves the lie that there are either: (a) Boring, safe, dependable nice guys (b) Exciting, sexy assholes who will treat you badly In this episode, we blow apart this myth and show why UNIQUE PAIRINGS are the ultimate secret to attraction, and what you MUST look for in the guy you choose for a long-term relationship. Follow Matthew @thematthewhussey Follow Stephen @stephenhhussey

Good man and edge go so well together, why? Because they're opposites, because they seem like they don't necessarily fall on the same side of the spectrum. So when they come together, they create something very unique. We call it a unique pairing. A unique pairing. And unique pairings are the key to being someone of incredible perceived value. Hello there, listeners. Welcome to the Love Life Podcast with Matthew Hussey, hosted by me, of course, Stephen Hussey. How are you today? I am feeling sprightly this morning, sprightly and optimistic.

I've got off to a good start. I've had a lovely coffee, had my morning oatmeal. You know, I have the same breakfast every day now and I love it I find it incredibly easy taking the decision in the morning out of the day just I just have oatmeal and honey yogurt and that's it every single morning I don't have the same dinner every evening but something about waking up and immediately I'm always hungry as soon as i woke up so immediately knowing this is what i'm going to go downstairs and get and make myself i just have dozens of the same thing in the fridge uh it's nice i recommend it if you can just take one big decision out your day just like breakfast this is what it's going to be. Have it ready. Know what you're going to have. It's good. It's

good to automate. Anyway, that isn't the subject of today's podcast, believe it or not. Today we are going to set up a clip from Matt live on stage where I believe Matt is in his greatest element when he is live in front of an audience talking about a typical problem or a typical complaint that we so often hear which is you know we hear it from women who come to our seminars or who write to us and they say I seem to go between two different kinds of guys when I date. And it seems my choice is either someone who's exciting and dangerous and quote, a bad boy, and an exciting asshole who is sexy and passionate, but you know, he's terrible in a relationship, or a boring, nice guy. Someone who

is, I'm not so sexually passionate about i'm not so attracted to but he's really good to me he's nice he's stable and there becomes this myth that these are two diametrically opposed opposites and it's a binary choice between the two so matt talks about how this is a myth and how we can actually cultivate both sides both when we're looking for someone and embody both sides ourselves to actually become irreplaceable to someone else so it hits on a really really big concept called unique pairings that we talk about in our company it's a huge huge key to attraction so So check it out. Let me know what you think. But most women have convinced themselves that they either have to settle for this nice

and boring or exciting dick. Do I settle for someone who's going to be safe and a sure bet or someone who's going to be exciting and treat me badly? I put to you that there is a guy who exists right here. And this guy, this guy is the guy that every woman wants. Most men are accused of not knowing what women want, but the truth is I think most women don't know what women want. Here's what women want. A good man with an edge. A good man with an edge.

This is what they want. Good man with an edge. That is someone that you could get addicted to. Sustainably. Now, a good man with an edge, I would be patronizing you to say, is on every street corner. There's so many out there, you've just got to go and find him. We all know that's not true.

A good man with an edge is a rare bird. Okay? Rare bird. Okay? Rare bird. In order to attract a rare bird, you have to be a what? A rare bird. You have to be a rare bird. Here's the encouraging part, because when I say to people, they want everything, men want everything, they feel daunted by that. It's actually easier than you think. Being a rare bird is a much more practical, easier process than you think. And it takes one simple understanding of a concept I'm going to tell you right now. Good man and edge go so well together, why? Because they're opposites, because they seem like they don't necessarily fall on the same side of the spectrum. So when they come together, they create something

very unique. We call it a unique pairing, a unique pairing. And unique pairings are the key to being someone of incredible perceived value. I'll give you an example. If you met a guy tonight and this guy was kind of self-assured, a little cocky, he came out, he teased you, played with you a little bit, but in an endearing way. In the beginning, you'd be attracted. But if he was like that sustainably over the whole night, the next date, the next date, the next date, you'd get bored, would you not? Eventually you'd say, you're just

cocky, self-assured, I can find you again. You're replaceable. But what if this cocky, self-assured guy who'd been teasing you came back from the bathroom towards the end of the night and said, listen, it's getting late. Let's finish our drinks. I've called you a taxi so that I don't want you walking home outside tonight. It's dark. It's late. He calls a taxi. He walks you outside. He says, all jokes aside, I had the best night with you tonight. I'm so glad I met you. I'm going to call you this week. He gave you a kiss. He put you in the car, closed the door, car drives off. You would go, oh shit. Because we would have cocky and self-assured, caring gentlemen, unique pairing. Makes sense? I put to you that any man that you have really found difficult to get over, a huge part of you finding it difficult to get over him is that you thought

he had unique pairings that you couldn't necessarily find again or that you couldn't find with ease again. And for that reason, you saw him as a rare bird. Because when someone does one thing really well, they can be replaced. You're just sexy, you're replaceable. You're just independent, strong woman, you're replaceable. You're just feminine princess, ha ha, I need everything done for me, you're replaceable.

You're just funny, You're just funny. You're a great friend. You're funny. You're a great friend. You're replaceable. All of these things, you're just ambitious. You're replaceable. You're just a serious talker. You can get deep and meaningful. You're replaceable. But you start putting these things together, you have someone that can become an addiction. Two or more pairings create addictions. So you might be sitting there thinking, this is great. I recognize that. I recognize when I fell for that person, the unique pairings in them. I recognize those traits I'm attracted to. And you're thinking, well, what next um so I think partly there's there's two things here there's you know looking for the right person and working on being the right person and I think when it comes to looking for the right person who has those unique pairings well first of

all we're we're just gonna they're gonna hit us when we see them. And that's often what makes us think someone is amazing. But I think the lesson here is, A, don't settle. Because just because you think, well, it must be rare to have someone with these two wonderful qualities together, who's, I don't know, intelligent and passionate. They exist. It's, you know know i see so many people run into problems in dating when they assume this constant scarcity mentality they think that good people are just so non-existent that they they just that the nearest person who happens to have a shade of a quality they like you know uh they're successful or they seem um to their family, then they just gravitate quickly towards that person and ignore any red flags or they minimize red flags. And they don't think, does this person have other complementary qualities that are important? And I think that's

why we have to stay very, at the beginning, we have to be careful when we invest too quickly we have to look at the whole package of qualities this person represents and say yeah well okay they say they love family and they want kids that's great but that's just one element of a person there's also how they treat me there's also are they curious are they uh independent in their own life? Do they have independent goals and ambitions that are synergistic with mine? Is their lifestyle something I like and approve of? All these questions. And so it's not about looking for perfection, but it's about looking for whether someone has these complementary traits that go well together and in terms of and and like i say those people exist they are out there there's all kinds of people with amazing unique pairings uh if we're willing to actually hold out and find them and the second thing is also cultivating in ourselves our own unique pairings you know i think it's very easy to put a checklist of things we want in someone else, but actually looking at our own dominant traits, like say your main thing is being, I don't know, funny.

Your main thing is being really funny, making people laugh, being witty, and that's a trait you really rely on. And that's great. Maybe you're good at making loads of friends and people find you fun to be around. But then asking then asking yourself well do I cultivate the other side of that do I know how to slow things down and be serious and be passionate or be sexy right some people are just very very good at being funny haha fun witty banter etc but they don't know how to actually turn someone on in an interesting way or how to look at them with those eyes where you slow things down and you get a bit more intense a bit more flirty and you pay them a comp a physical compliment that makes them think oh like this person sees me in a sexual light or this person has a sexual side to

them that's interesting and a little there's more to unearth there that side makes people think oh my god she's funny and she has this flirtatious sexual part of her underneath um that's exciting and so i think it is important to look at the other side of the coin. We all tend to find a personality trait that we rely on as a crutch and we double down, we triple down on it. The interesting part is when we also cultivate the other side. That's when it's amazing when you're on a date with someone and you unearth, you know, oh, I thought they were just this studious, serious-minded person and they also, I don't know, do rock

climbing, or they're athletic, and they have this sporty, active side to them. Whatever it is, it doesn't have to be extreme. It's just seeing those things together is always really, really intriguing. Okay, that's all from me for today. I am going to, what am I going to do? I'm going to work hard today and then complementing that with a different unique pairing, I'm going to go and give myself a little HIIT workout because obviously workout conditions are limited in coronavirus, the days of coronavirus. So that's what I'm going to do today. I hope you are well wherever you are. I hope you're taking care of your loved ones. Have a wonderful week. I'll see you real soon. Bye-bye.