Love Life with Matthew Hussey - 205: How To Lead Yourself And Build Your Dream Career (with Amy Porterfield)

Episode Date: February 22, 2023

Today we have a special guest: “accidental” entrepreneur and online marketing expert Amy Porterfield!    Matt and Amy discuss: How to lead yourself (and think like an owner) Steps to build self-trust Choosing a career that fits your desired lifestyle Learning to find your 10% edge Finding the business you can start NOW Making time for building your dreams (and the power of "slow success") And MUCH more!   

Intro Music Intro Music What's up everybody, welcome to the Love Life Podcast. Today I am talking to the wonderful powerhouse that is Amy Porterfield. Amy went from what she calls an overworked yes girl to helping thousands of online entrepreneurs build a life and a business they love. And she's just written a new book called Two Weeks Notice, which is designed for women who want to find the courage to quit their job, make more money, work from where they want and change the world. I'm going to be talking to Amy about how to leave a situation that you're not happy with in your

work, how to deal with it when you reach a crossroads in your life and what you do is no longer making you happy and you want to do something you're passionate about or you want to make more money or you want to just finally get out there and do something you've always dreamed of doing, what are the practical ways you can do that? And this is going to be so important for the Love Life audience, because one of the things that makes us sit around waiting for a text, worrying whether we're good enough for someone, is when we don't have a strong sense of purpose in our own lives. And I really believe that one of the fundamental things that underpins the standards we want to have with people is having a life that we love. And what Amy talks about here is how you can create a life that you

love through your work, even if it means some scary transitions today. And after the conversation portion of my time with Amy, we also did a Q&A for specific Love Life Club member questions. If you're not a Love Life member and you want to become one so that you can access that special Q&A plus over 40 hours of training, masterclasses, interviews, and all of the live sessions I do with our members every month, go to askmh.com to get your free trial. So without further ado, I present to you, Amy Porterfield. What's up, everybody? I am here with the wonderful, the powerhouse, Amy Porterfield, who I'm just going to start by saying this because I want everyone to go and grab this book, has a brand new book

called Two Weeks Notice. Find the courage to quit your job, make more money, work where you want, and change the world. And I have the privilege of having her here with me in person today. So what's going on? How are you? I am so excited to be here. Thank you so much. I'm such a fan of everything you do. Thank you. Well, you're of that status where I hadn't met you until recently and we had this great weekend together with this mastermind that we both business to the next level, your career to the next level, how to expand, how to leave what you were doing. Your name would just come up, whether it was someone referencing your content or they're referencing. I remember in more than a few meetings, someone saying to me, we should really speak to Amy Porterfield. And I was like, I need to know more about Amy Porterfield because her name keeps

coming up. There we were in a room together, which was so incredible. Yeah. Yeah. I would love, I know you've had to say this a thousand times, but what's been the genesis of you starting all of this that leads to now a book about how to quit your job, how to start something around something you're passionate about and go out and impact the world in these ways? Well, I always say I'm an ex-corporate girl turned accidental entrepreneur. I never thought about being an entrepreneur. And that word entrepreneur was way too fancy. So I'd have to say like business owner because I couldn't even fathom it. So here's what happened. About 14 years ago, I was in my very last nine to five job. I worked with peak performance coach, Tony Robbins, and I got to travel the world and work on the content

that he did on stage. It was incredible. I got to travel. I got to work with Tony. I got to create content. Like it was an amazing job. However, here's what happened. I was newly married and I was on the road all the time, hardly saw my new husband. And it was a job that was incredibly taxing. However, at that time, Tony had brought in a bunch of online business owners and they were all men and they were doing things like relationship stuff and real estate and investing and all these different areas, but they all were their own bosses. And Tony would did like a focus group. Well, I was called to the meeting to take notes. So very humbling. I was at a different table. They were all at this big oak table as all men, and they were talking about their businesses. I took the worst notes of my life because I stopped writing

and I thought, what are they doing? Like they have freedom. They are making as much money as they want and a big impact. They are calling the shots, working where they want, when they want, how they want. And I realized I had never had freedom before. I'd always had a boss. When I was really young, I had a really strict dad and he was my first boss.

Then I went into the corporate world and I had all these bosses. And in that moment, I thought, I want freedom. I wanna call the shots. I wanna create a business and a thought, I want freedom. I want to call the shots. I want to create a business and a life by my own design. I want to bust through the glass ceiling. So it was that moment that I thought, I got to figure this out. It was a year later that I finally left my nine to five job, pulled out of the San Diego offices, my little white car with all my boxes packed in the back to go start my own business. And at the time, I was going to

do social media for small businesses. That was the only thing I could kind of figure out. Fast forward 14 years later, and now I have a multi-million dollar business, and I help people create businesses from scratch. And really, I'm on a mission to help more women realize there's this whole other world out there that they don't know about yet where they call the shots. And I'm like a rally call to say, let's do this. That's amazing. So the new book, Two Weeks Notice, would you say that is heavily or exclusively geared towards women? Absolutely. Yes. I wrote the book for the girl or woman in a nine to five job. She's either in a cubicle or maybe in a corner office and she's got a good job, but she knows there's something more. She knows she's underpaid, undervalued, often overlooked. And she also knows there's

only a certain amount of money she can make in this job. And she wants something different. Every day I think about her. So I wrote this book for women. In the book, you talk about this concept of, and I know we talked about it that weekend as well, unbossing yourself. Okay. This is good. Can you speak to unbossing yourself? Because I have a particular spin on this that I think is interesting for our audience. I'd love for you to explain it. Okay. So this concept of unbossing, I created it because I needed it initially. And then I started to teach it. It's the idea that you believe you can lead yourself. You don't need a man to tell you what to do. You don't need a business partner to help you. You don't need

permission to do what you want to do. You believe that you have the agency and the ability to make decisions on your own. And you also start to believe that when I mess up, I can get back up and push myself back up out there. So it's a belief that you can lead yourself. And the reason why it's so important is because when you've always had a boss, that does not come natural. You don't think like a business owner. You don't think like an entrepreneur. You think like an employee where we're always asking for permission. So it takes a little while to unboss yourself. And I think it's an important concept to really understand. So many women have been in situations, whether it's because of the way their parents raised

them, maybe they were raised by a mom who had been trained to not believe in herself or to think that she wasn't capable or that she couldn't trust her own decisions and that she always needed someone else that she went to. And so it's not always the case that someone who's even just raised by a dad who's like that, right? It's like you're being raised by two parents who have both been in that mindset. And then you take that into the world and you end up looking to replicate that in some way.

You look for someone who can tell you what to do. Someone can tell you what the right decision is. Someone who can fix this or do this. And a lot of people have this kind of trained paralysis or this trained sense of lack of trust in themselves. Yes, that's what it is. Can we talk about that?

Because that is true of both business and relationships. True. So true. Where people are just like, I can't... A lot of women that I coach, when they get divorced or when they come out of a long-term relationship, it's like they're entering into this world where they have to lead themselves or go find another relationship with someone who's going to tell them what to do or tell them what's okay and what's not okay or try and control them or make them feel less than.

But if they're not, if they're going to opt for something different, they are now going to have to go through this complete retraining of their psychology. So whether it's coming out of a relationship or coming out of a corporate job, can you talk to what are the steps to learning to trust yourself again? I love that you bring this up because it is a lack of trust in yourself. And I also believe it's rooted in feeling unworthy. And I love that what you said about what your past might look like. I was raised by a mom and dad where the dad was the boss. He was his way or the highway. And my mom looked to him for everything, every decision she made. So I saw that growing up as well. And that's how I got into this whole thing of, I didn't know how to unboss myself. So I saw that growing up as well. And that's how I got into this whole thing of, I didn't know how to unboss myself. So what kind of steps do you take to start trusting yourself

and believing that you could lead yourself? And the first thing is to start making decisions without asking other people's opinions. And this is not easy at all. I, for so long, wanted to look at anyone and say, what do you think I should do? And I also think I was looking for validation. Do you think this is a good idea? Am I smart enough to do this or whatever it might be? So the first thing you do, even if you're still in your nine to five job, you start making decisions just quietly

without asking anybody else what they think. And you're building that muscle. What do you tell yourself in those moments when that instinct comes in that says, but maybe this isn't the best decision? Maybe it's not the right one. How do you deal with that voice? So first, you remind yourself that, wait a second, I have a track record.

Let's say you're in your job. I have a track record of figuring things out. And if this doesn't work out, I can course correct quickly. That's the second belief you have to start to have. No matter what happens, I can fix this or course correct quickly. It's another, it's a second belief you have to start to have like, no matter what happens, I can fix this or course correct. Because no matter if you ask 10 people their opinion, you still don't know if it's going to work, whether in relationships or in business. And so there's no guarantee anyway. So why not bet on yourself? And that's essentially what this is. You build trust in yourself by betting on yourself and saying, I'm going to make this decision.

I think it's the right one, but if it's not, I'm also going to believe that I can course correct because I look back on my past and there's many things that haven't worked out, but I figured it out. You have to start looking at the proof all around you that you can figure this out because it's something that does not come easy, does not come natural to us, but it is essential if you want to create that business and that life that you ultimately want. And when I think in terms of relationships, where were you when I was single up to my 30s, for the record? So it's a whole other story of my dating history, but before I met my husband. But so many times I would get in relationships where I wouldn't even ask myself if they, if I liked them, all I cared about is if, dude, they like me. I did this for so long.

And I think even in a business setting, what do they think? Where it's like, ask yourself, what do you think? What do you think is the best decision? So it's retraining your brain. Man, that's so, so important. And there is no, I think a huge part of it is learning there is no exact right decision and that you imbue a decision with meaning by choosing it and then making the best of that decision. And that's what ends up making it great is that you choose a path and then you lean into that path. When I started out, I had this idea that, well, women aren't getting the results they

should in their love life or they end up dating people they shouldn't date because they don't have enough choice. And if I can help them get more choice, they'll choose better options. If they're coming from this place of like, well, I only have one option, so I guess I'll take And if I can help them get more choice, they'll choose better options. Yeah. You know, if they're coming from this place of like, well, I only have one option, so I guess I'll take it. I can solve this with choice. So I started, my metaphor I used at the time was dropping the handkerchief. I was like, if you can, you have this idea that you can't make the move.

You can make the move. Okay, I like this. And if you don't make them, if you never make the move, then you're always chosen. Always chosen. You're never doing the choosing. Yes. So it's like, you can make the move. And if you think you can't because you're old fashioned, then you don't know what old fashioned is. Because old fashioned was a woman 100 years ago,

walking past a guy, dropping her handkerchief. I love this. And then she'd keep walking. And the guy would see it. And, you know, he'd pick it up, he'd take it over to her and he'd say, Madam, you dropped this. She'd say, did I? They'd now have a conversation. Now he thought the conversation was his idea. Yes.

But it really wasn't. It really wasn't. She chose him. So my theory at the time, in my early 20s and thinking I knew it all, was if I couldn't just get people more choice by showing them how to drop the handkerchief in the modern era, then all of a sudden they're going to start making great choices and they're going to be inundated. Well, that happened sometimes. It was true that all of a sudden they had more choice and they were energized by that. Okay, good. But they still made bad choices.

And I was like, what's going on here that people have more choice? And yet when the wrong person picks up the handkerchief and starts showing them the wrong behaviors. They're like still in it. Yeah, they're like, I really like this guy. I was like, what's going on? Oh, just because you have abundance, it doesn't mean you have standards about what you'll accept for yourself. And then I started looking at

standards and going, right, well, I can't just show people how to drop the handkerchief. I need to make sure that they have a clear sense of what their standards are. What are their needs? What do they want in their life? What's important to them? And then what would happen is I would watch as people who created standards for themselves, they held those standards until the very point where they really decided they liked someone. And they were out the door.

Like the moment that they, when they didn't like someone, it was like, oh, I can have standards all day long. But the moment someone came along that represented a level of success or charisma or hotness or whatever that made them go, I don't know, I'm not good enough. All of a sudden their standards would go out the window. So then I asked, well, okay, what has to happen in someone's life to underpin those standards so that even when there's something seductive in front of you, you can still choose the thing that's best for you long term, not the thing that feels shiny and exciting now, but is going to ultimately make you miserable. Yes. And to me, and this is the sort of arrival point of this, when I think about one of the things that people lack in underpinning those standards, it's a real sense of purpose themselves that doesn't rely on anybody else. Their purpose isn't to just find a person. Their purpose is they have something that's intrinsically, they feel like gives them meaning in their life. And I think that a lot of people, because they don't like what they do, because they don't like how they spend their time, they're not passionate about their careers, their jobs, that doesn't represent a sense of purpose to them. They don't feel

connected to it. And instead they just feel like, well, this isn't my purpose. So I got to find it elsewhere. Where am I going to find purpose? Well, if I find the right person. Then I'm all good. Then I'm all good. And I always think, no, no, no, that's going to be all good if you have these other things in place. Because then you're not choosing because you have to find this thing. You're choosing a magnifier for all of the amazing things in your life. I totally see now. Because when you and I met, you're like, this is perfect. This is a conversation we need to have. Now I see it clearly. Yeah. And I love how you explain that. It is one of the fundamental answers to, in my world, why people make bad choices in relationships.

Because they don't have purpose. Yes. They don't have a sense of something that drives them every day. And they go, you know what? Even if I lost this person, I got something I love to go back to. Yes. Okay. I love this. And I internalize it and think my relationship with my husband became so much more just beautiful in all the ways when I found myself, when I found my purpose. I met him when I was still in my last nine to five job. But when I really started taking

ownership of my passion, my purpose, and calling the shots and having confidence, I became a better person in our relationship. And so I can absolutely see that alignment. And something you brought up, I talk about all the time. And definitely in my book, Two Weeks Notice, it's a big theme. What do you want? What do you want for your life? How do you want to show up? How do you want to live? Because if you build your lifestyle first, a vision of it, you get clear who do you want to be with, but also how do you want to live? Then you can build your business. Let's say you leave your nine to five job, build your business, build a business that fits into that lifestyle. Where the biggest mistake I made is I built a business, but didn't really give clarity

around the lifestyle or the relationship I wanted or how I wanted that relationship to unfold. And so then I was stuffing that into a business I created where it didn't really fit and I didn't have boundaries. And I literally lost myself. How did that look? Like what were the areas where you found there was just complete incompatibility between your life and your business?

Number one, I worked all the time. And people in nine to five jobs can relate to this or those starting a business that don't have boundaries. I didn't have boundaries. I worked all the time. I was never truly present in my relationships. And I prioritized my work before my relationships and I prioritized my work before my relationships until the day that my husband, again, he was a new husband at the time, we were newlyweds, said, I don't even see you anymore. Like this isn't working for me. And I had a unique situation where I had left my nine to five job and still had that, but it can happen in a nine to five job or not. And so I really do think getting clear on your priorities and getting clear on what you want, not just the relationship you want, but the life you want, and then build something around that. And I think that is so beautiful for how you want to live your

life. So for the people that find themselves now, we have so many women that I coach that are at a kind of crossroads in their lives. They're no longer interested as much in what they're doing. Maybe they never were, but it's kind of reached a breaking point. They know now like, this isn't for me anymore. Maybe it worked and now it doesn't. Maybe it never did, but I need a change. But it is terrifying. It's like, how does that even look? I have a specific set of skills that lend themselves to this thing. I don't know, you know, I could go and get another job that's the same, but that's the same. So what does it actually look like, practically speaking, to say, okay, I'm at the point of saying I'm not happy. I realize life is short and I got to do something about it.

But I also, it feels like me leaving this would be reckless. Yeah, reckless. That's such a great word. What we're seeing right now is that there's kind of like two things that are happening in the workspace. Either you are quiet quitting where you don't like your job, you don't want to be there and you're just giving your bare minimum because you're like,

I'm just going to find passion someplace else. Such an interesting concept, quiet quitting, isn't it? Yes, and it's, yeah. And I feel like it's playing small and you're diminishing yourself and who wants to just do the bare minimum every day? So that's happening. Or there's this new word, resenteeism,

where people are resentful of their job and they're going to be vocal about it. They're complaining about it all the time. They hate their job. They're kind of acting out at work and they're not going to be shy about the fact that this is not working for me and I'm not happy, but they're still staying. So a lot of people listening right now, they are staying in a job they do not want to be in. And to answer your question, how do you take the step to start moving out? Well, I put together in the book a runway and I'm a step-by-step kind of girl. That's how I teach. And so there's different steps you could take while you're still in your nine to five job to realize what it is you want to do. So let's say you've decided, Amy, I do not like my job, but I'm not going to put my resume out

there. I'm going to follow my heart and try to figure something else out where I get to create it myself. The first thing you want to do is get clear on your why. Why do you want to start your own thing? Why do you want to be your own boss? Not just why do you hate your job, but why do you want something even bigger and better than that? So get clear on your why because that's going to keep driving you forward. The next thing you want to do is say, well, what might I do out in the world doing my own thing? When I was in that meeting at the Tony Robbins office and I realized I wanted freedom, I looked at my best friend who worked with me and she's a writer. And I said, you're a writer.

You could do freelance writing. You could be a ghostwriter. I have zero skills that would translate into my own business. Fast forward 14 years later with an $85 million business and 14 years ago, I thought I have zero skills that could translate into my own business. I think that's very normal to think that this will never work. Who am I to be doing this? Quiet that chatter for a moment and think, where have I gotten results? What have I done in my business life or personal life that could translate into something else? Look around what other people are doing and say, could I do that? Could that be something for me? And you only need a starter idea. You don't need the end all, be all. What I do today is dramatically different than what I used to do. And I'm guessing your

first year out looks very different than what you do today, right? Like we evolve. So allow yourself just to have a starter idea. What do people say you're good at? What comes naturally to you? What do you do in your business that maybe you could take into your own business? There's lots you could play with there. So that's something you want to think about. What would be, you know, because you're so true. Most people will think, even when they think about what they're good at, some people will go, I'm not good at anything. That's their first response. I'm average at the things. I'm okay at my job. I'm competent. But outside of that- I have got nothing. What would I do? This is what I tell my students. All you need to do is find the 10% edge. You need to be 10% ahead of those that you want to serve or

help or teach. So that means, let's say that you were on the couch watching Netflix, eating cookies all the time. And then you said, I want to run a marathon. So in three months time, you changed your lifestyle. Let's say you started working out, put together a work plan, got the right equipment. Like you made it happen. And in three months, you went from the couch to the marathon. People want to know how you did that. You could create courses, memberships, consulting, coaching, service-based businesses. There's a lot of options here. So if you think you don't have anything, just look for the 10% edge. You're just 10 steps ahead of those that you want to help. And you can say, come on, follow me. I'll show you how to do it. But you don't need years of experience. You don't need certifications. You already have it

in you. It's so great. I watched you talking to our mutual friend, Ed Milet, and him saying that when he started out, and of course, Ed, when he started out in the world of coaching, was already extraordinarily accomplished. And I know that he had that thought of, well, what would I say? Why would people listen to me? And it's something that people experience at every level, especially that it's where that perfectionism kicks in, in a really dangerous way. Very dangerous. Because it's, I used to, I remember I used to think about it with personal trainers. Someone I love very much is a personal trainer.

And I remember when she started out, I said to her, why don't you, I can't remember what I was saying, but I was like, why don't you go and do this with it? And it was like a strategy for finding more clients. And she was like, well, I feel like right now my time is best served by getting this nutritionist course. Yes. And I was like, but you already, you're a personal trainer already.

Like you passed that. You got that course. Right. You're accredited now. So shouldn't you just go out and work on that? Like you have everything you need. You have that box checked that you need to check. But she was like, oh, I feel like there's another, there's an advanced such and

such program. I was like, no one you're coaching even knows what that is. Thank you. This is a perfect example. And although I love that you brought up Ed where he's super accomplished and he still had that feeling, but typically I see this with women and I've so been there where it's funny, a lot of men I'm around, we'll just figure it out. They actually have a little too much confidence sometimes where like, just bring it on. I don't know what I'm doing, but I'll figure it out. Where women are like, Ooh, I need more time. I need more education. I'm not ready. And I just wish we could kind of steal a little bit about the from those men that are just like I'll figure it out let's go because we need a little of that because you're right your friend she did not need that certification the people she was serving didn't even care if she

had that or not but we think we need to be better than we are and I want the message to be you are perfect just the way you are you You can have a business now. Look around. I'm sure sometimes we've looked around and thought, I could do that better. We don't tell anyone we think that, but that girl's doing that on TikTok. I know more about that than she does. Why is she so popular? Because she took action. She actually went for it, even if she didn't know if it was going to work. We need a little inner Beyonce in us to be like, watch me, I'm going to figure it out. And I tend to try to have to pull that in myself too. I totally have been guilty of all of that.

I think that it's an issue with the way that we almost think of it as being this linear progression of competence that always has another rung on the ladder. And of course, there's always another level to everything, to every level of mastery, every discipline, there's always another level. And there's always someone above you forever. And there probably always will be. Even if you're the top of the food chain, at some point you're going to get knocked off. Yes. So it's, but what there are at every level is just different voices.

And your voice is one that may resonate in a particular way with a particular kind of person. And as long as you check the box of competence that people need you to have checked, and I love the way you put it, that one way of looking at that is just a 10% edge. That's like a competency box checked for whatever audience you need to access.

You're just 10% further than they are in the area that's important to them. Outside of that, there's just voices. And your voice is worth putting some bets on because your voice will resonate with a group of people that this person's voice won't, even if they're twice as competent as you. I love that you said this because everyone wants to learn from someone specific that they can relate to. And a lot of times when I teach my students how to choose their starter idea, they'll say, but what I want to do is already being done. And it's being done by someone really big and really popular. There's

no room for me. And I always say, number one, there's over 7 billion people in this world, and you need a tiny sliver of the internet to pay attention to make an amazing living online. But also, not everyone wants to learn from that person. And there's different types of personalities that we kind of gravitate toward, and we have to remember that. Also, I was thinking when you were saying something earlier about just going after it and getting started. One of the things that I teach on this runway from the idea of leaving your job to actually doing it, start a side hustle. Because if you start something while you're still in your nine to five job, you'll find that voice that you're talking about, that voice that I'm going to put myself out there. I'm going to go after it just in baby steps.

I love baby steps. And so starting the side hustle while you're still at your nine to five job, not only brings in a little extra money, which is cool, but also starts giving you that courage to put yourself out there. Okay. So I'm in a job. I'm like, okay, it's too risky for me to leave. I've got a mortgage. Maybe I've got kids or I've got responsibility. I'm in a job. I'm like, okay, it's too risky for me to leave. I've got a mortgage.

Maybe I've got kids or I've got responsibility. I can't just leave. But the side hustle thing feels like a valuable way to build a bridge. Yes. And, you know, we can get onto, I think it'd be useful. I wonder if in your years you've found an answer to the people that are like, but I have no energy at the end of the day, or like I'm exhausted. We can address that.

I would love to talk about that because that's a real thing. But what do you say is the first step? Okay, I want my side hustle. I always used to love that. What was that book? A very famous book. Is it Ready, Fire, Aim? Yes. Yes. I love that concept. Yeah. And you kind of don't need to read the book to know the concept is kind of instinctive. The concept is so good, he might have kind of screwed himself with the book. Right. You know what it is when you say it. It's like you go and actually try the thing or try to sell the thing before you go and build all of the infrastructure for it and so on. Exactly. So I feel like that's an interesting way of looking at it. But what would you say are the literal first steps that someone should take if they're

like, this is a mammoth task, where do I even begin? So the beauty of side hustles is it doesn't need to be a mammoth task. And so the first thing you're going to do is come up with that starter idea. So we talked about that. Okay. So that's where I feel competent or where I feel particularly interested and have a 10% edge. Do you think it's necessary to be, because you might have a 10% edge in areas where you're not particularly passionate.

Do you think it's necessary to be passionate about the thing that you want to do? Not with the starter idea. I actually, I forget who said this, but don't make your passion your business. Like that's actually out there. A lot of people talk about that. It's not necessary to turn your purpose or passion into a business. You can have purpose and passion and hobbies and things you do, but let's just focus on what you're good at. So just to, just to, because I'm curious about that, that feels like really practical advice to me. I like it. But the road is long, right? Yes.

So if you're going by the logic that anything you do for a long time, there has to be some kind of intrinsic motivation. Otherwise, you're not going to do it for as long as it's going to take to get results. Okay. Yes. Let's talk about that. Where would you say the intrinsic motivation can come from if you're not passionate about the thing itself? Yeah, so in the beginning, you're going to do a starter idea and you might not be passionate about it, but you're good at it. Action creates clarity. You're moving toward finding your passion, what you love.

Every day I wake up and I love what I do. I started doing social media for small businesses. I did not love that. People were wild with their requests, what they wanted me I do. I started doing social media for small businesses. I did not love that. People were wild with their requests, what they wanted me to do. In the first two years, it was not my passion, but I started to find what my passion was. So if you're, one, if you're not sure what your passion is or your purpose, or two, you're not really sure how to get that into a business, don't put your pressure on your side hustle in that way. Let's just start with something. You will absolutely lead there. I don't want anyone building businesses they're not passionate about. So I love that you brought that up. So side hustle can be something that you

just feel like, okay, I have an edge here. I can help people with this or I can teach this or let me create something around that. So I have my starter idea. What would be then? Next step. Next step. So the next thing I want you to do is start thinking about how might I package this together? Because we're not saying go start a podcast get your webinars and your funnels and your email list all the marketing stuff We don't need to do any of that with a side hustle So we're just gonna start out really simple and I kind of like to look at it as like grassroots So what you would do next is think okay, I'm good at this one thing So now let's say you're good at styling.

Maybe you're in fashion, okay? And you want to style people, but you're going to redo their closets. This is one of my students. She does weekend closet makeovers. That's her side hustle. And so she says, I'm going to go into your house. I'm going to clean out your whole closet in a weekend. I'm going to show you what you need to keep and leave and some things that you need to

still buy. And then she's gone. And so she packaged that. So you want to package what it is that you want to do. And so you want to put a price to it. And then you want to email your friends and family and say, I'm going to start this little side hustle. And I just want five clients. If it's you, let me know. Or if you know someone, pass this on. Again, grassroots. We don't need to build a huge social media profile. You don't have to wait till you have 100,000 people on TikTok to do this. We're going to just pass the offer around to see who takes us up on it. There's power in those first steps because it gives you clarity that, wait a second, I'm doing this. I'm in the game. And this could lead to exactly what I want. But you have to be patient to let it unfold.

And I think that's what the beauty of a side hustle. So I've gone to family and friends. I've asked if, you know, I've gone for my first five clients. What do you think makes the difference between people who do this and end up kind of throwing in the towel two months later and the people that actually start to make enough money from that side hustle that it gives them this energy that they go, oh my God, this might actually work or I could actually do this. It's making a difference.

What do you, from all the people you've seen that throw in the towel versus get just enough purchase to keep going, what do you think is the key difference? It's two things. The first one is if you are not clear on that why that I mentioned earlier, if you don't know why you want this different kind of life, if you don't really feel convicted of why I'm starting the side hustle. The side hustle is not just to make a little extra money. It's ultimately to get you out of the situation you're in and move closer to what you want. If you don't know what you want, you're going to give up. It's going to get hard. You're not going to get the five clients. You only get three. You're going to tell yourself you're not good enough. That is very easy for that to

happen. So it's that why. For me, I knew I no longer wanted a boss. I was so tired of someone telling me what to do, when to do it, or how to do it. And so when that side hustle, I started a side hustle. And at first, it didn't really come together quickly. I didn't give up because I thought, no, I really want to be my own boss. I'm going to figure this out. So a crystal clear why that hits you in your gut, that when you get up in the morning, you're like, oh, I want that so bad. I'm going to figure this out. And so we all have been in a situation where we wanted something so bad. You've got, you know that feeling.

We've got to figure out your why so you feel it every day. The second thing is that you have to flood yourself with these new, this new world you want. So I want people to clean up their social media. Let's say, let's go back to our friend who's a stylist and she's doing her closet makeovers. I want her to go into her social media and start following other stylists,

follow other people that are doing what she wants to do. And I want her to clean up that social media so she's not seeing things that are just like useless and gonna cloud her brain so that we every day are like, yes, that's what I want. How is she doing it? When I was still at my nine to five job, I knew I had to get resourceful. One of the parts of your runway of leaving your job is to get resourceful. And I knew I wanted to

figure out how other people were creating businesses like I wanted. There was this one woman online. She had the business I wanted. She was doing what I wanted to do. Her social media was amazing. I thought, I want this girl's life. I was kind of obsessed. So I went to her contact page on her website, and I said, I know you don't offer this, but can I pay you for an hour of your time? I want to ask how you built your business. I'm very curious. I want a business like yours. And she said yes. Oh, wow. Because I think women are very generous in that way and will help each other. I paid her, but she didn't have to tell me all her secrets. I was going to say, I would imagine a lot of people would be too competitive to do that.

Exactly. So I feel like I got lucky and I feel like there's some really amazing people out there that will say yes. So she said yes. And if she didn't, I would have went on to somebody else because I wanted to talk to someone who was in it. And I didn't know a lot of people in the industry yet. So I got on the phone with her, but I was still at my Tony Robbins job and I was scared people would hear me talk to her

at my lunch hour. So the walls were thin. I got underneath my desk. I'm whispering like, can you tell me how you built your business? And she starts whispering to me, which was very weird, but it was the vibe. And she told me all about how she started. And I got excited because I'm like, I could do that. Or, oh, wow, you started that way. I could try that. So it's really going for total immersion in terms of, I want this life. So I want to curate a world around me that I'm seeing it everywhere and I'm involved in it. So cleaning up your social media sounds like a little simple thing, really makes a huge difference. How do you avoid and how did you avoid not just

becoming intimidated? You know, once you start following people, it's very easy to just go, like the competition is so strong. Look how big this person is. Look how, how do you take that purely as either inspiration or strategy and not turn it into just this deflating thing. Because I've also heard you talk about like putting the blinders on and being in your own race, but it almost, you know, I've had times in my life where I feel the tension between those two things because I'm like, I want to be very creative. I want to be in my own lane. And that's almost like when I'm tempted to shut everything out because I'm like, otherwise I just get too like, I compare myself too much. But you also don't want to live in a vacuum because there are other people who have strategies you need. So what do you think is the...

I love this question, Matthew. You make a great point. I do. I teach people, put blinders on like a racehorse. Run your own race. Don't look at what other people are doing. And I usually teach that to people that are in it and they're starting to launch and they're starting to put themselves out there. And they just need to focus on what's already working.

But for my newbie students who are still in their 9-to-5 job, still trying to figure it out, I kind of take those blinders off and I say, okay, we're going to look around to see what everyone's doing. However, we have to remember that they, I always say, do not compare the back end of your life or your business or your coming up business to the front end. Everyone is showing their highlight reel on social media, and we have to remember that. But also, I do, I find myself comparing even 14 years in, like, oh, she does that so well, I could never do it like that. Or, oh, look what she did. I didn't even think about that. I find that. But what I do is I ask myself, and this is what you do when you start to envy other people or feel as though you're not good enough. If you feel that envy, you ask yourself, what do they have that I want? Because the only reason you're feeling that way is they

have something that you want. And then you get clear, oh, she's got that business I want, or she's doing courses the way I want to do it. Okay, let's figure out how to do that. It's just a subtle mindset shift to say, oh, I'm feeling envious. I want what she has. Okay. What exactly do I want? And then let's start focusing on that. This whole thing is a mindset shift. And that's the hard part. I can teach you strategy all day long. I can teach you how to build a business from scratch like that. But until we get your head on straight about unbossing yourself, believing that you can do this, understanding that envy you have is just because they have something you want, get clear about what you want. All of that is that mindset

stuff that I could talk about, but I also need you to really help me teach people. Let's get your head on straight first so then I can show you the way to create your business. I think that's a beautiful, subtle shift in what jealousy and comparison can be turned into something that's actually proactive. I love that. What do you see as a... Because there's a lot of very sort of loud motivation out there about like, just pull it together. Hustle, just do it. Yes. And we all know that can mutate into something that's unrealistic. And it also can make people feel very inadequate because they're like, what's wrong with me?

I seem to have a human amount of energy. And these people seem to be able to like, you know, work on your side hustle between the hours of 11 p.m. and 3 a.m. before you get off your job again. And it's like, what? Yeah. No. What do you think is... And all of that, I think, also can have a very male energy to it, I feel like. It's this really macho testosterone-fueled, you don't get it. If you're not working this hard, then you don't understand. It's like...

So true. And I feel like you must come across a very different energy in working with a lot of women. What do you think is the realistic approach when you feel like you do something that robs you of 90% of your energy every day? I think number one, you have to be very kind to yourself knowing I don't have all the time to do this. And so to force yourself to hustle through it, you are not going to love the results. You're going to get to the end of it and think this isn't even worth it. I'm just staying in this nine to five job. So what I tell my students is let's carve out a little time knowing this might take you a little

bit longer than you want because your life is busy. You've got so much going on. But when you get there, I always tell my students, when you get there where, let's say you quit your job, you start your business, you'll never look back and think that took way too long. You'll be so excited for what's to come. So we're going to carve out a little bit of time. I call it tiger time where you're fierce like a tiger with her cubs. No one can get into this time. And it might be three hours on a Saturday morning. It might be Sunday evening when the family is winding down or whatever it might be. But it's a little bit of time to do what it is you say you're going to do. And so what that means is, okay, I'm going to spend three hours.

I'm going to figure out the type of business I want to create. I'm going to find a few people on social media doing what I want. I'm going to clean up my social media. That is all I'm doing this week. And getting really clear about how you want to spend that time, but being patient with yourself, knowing I can't do everything I want to do, but little by little, I'm going to chip away. I don't want to see anyone hustling to build their businesses. And the reality is, and I talk about this in two weeks notice, I did hustle. I grew up in the online world learning from the guys. And you're right.

They all had that standing in front of a Ferrari kind of bro marketing, hustle, hustle, hustle. And it worked so well for them. And it worked well for me for a while until I was totally burned out and kind of lost myself. All of my feminine energy was like out the door and I didn't really kind of know who I was. And so I am determined to teach people a different way. Someone once asked me, well, if you did it by hustling, can you really do it by not hustling? And I see so many examples of women these days that are doing it without hustling. And I know that there's

absolutely a better way. What do you think is the kind of common theme between the ones that aren't hustling? Is it that they, I heard Cal Newport talk recently about the idea of slow progress, which I thought was really nice. This idea of like, why does it have to be done in two years? That's what I'm saying. Could it be done in five?

Can it be done in five? And when you get there, you will never look back and say it took too long because you're so proud of where you've gotten. So what does he call that? I think I have a feeling he might, you know how he wrote deep work? Yes. And he wrote so good they can't ignore you. Yes, yes.

I have a feeling he's writing a new book called something like Slow Progress because he's been talking about it on his podcast. I love that concept. Me too, because I've made my life quite miserable. Amen, brother. Like trying to kind of do things in a timeframe that I'm trying to prove something, I guess. Exactly. Trying to prove to like, look how far I got and how fast I got there. And, you know, I, I, I think that I came, I was, I was, I always

had the insecurity of wanting to be further than everyone else by my age. And totally unrealistic expectations, like who said you need to be right. We just make this stuff up. And then by the way, you're no longer at a certain point, you're no longer the youngest person in the room anymore. I have learned that. Yes. And, and I was always used to longer the youngest person in the room anymore. I have learned that. Yes. And I was always used to being the youngest person in the room. Oh my God, you've done all this and you're this. And then slowly, slowly, it stops becoming interesting because you're no longer the young pup. You're just a person now. And it doesn't matter. I know. It's like now you go and you realize, oh, there's someone who's starting at 50. And

by 60, they have, or by 55 55 they have something that's changed their life. Yes. And that matters. And it's extraordinary. And so I had to get to a point where I had to ask myself, like, why am I going so fast? Often, by the way, to get there. I always remember hearing a story of a guy, I think he was a guest on the Tim Ferriss podcast, I want to say, but he told a story of riding a bike down Santa

Monica. And he used to like really go for it. And then one day he said, I'm just going to enjoy it. What a concept. And I'm not going to like try and get there in the fastest time. And he said, remarkably, he only got there like, you know, a little bit slower than he did when he was like gritting and white knuckling it. And I think that that's, that's true. You know, Guy, do you know Guy Winch? Guy Winch is an amazing therapist. He did a big TED talk. He once said to me, in a car, you can speed to get there, but you'll probably only get there a couple of minutes faster, and you'll be much more likely to crash. It's so true. I love that you're bringing this up. I haven't talked about this concept on any

other podcast in the sense of, why are we rushing this? Why are we putting unrealistic expectations on our future? If you told me I'd have the life I have today, but you said it's going to take a long time to get there, but here's everything that you're going to get, I'd say, let's go. Once I knew where I was going, I think people don't know what's going to happen. They don't understand the possibilities and opportunities out there. So they're not willing to slow down to get it. They want it so fast. But the thing, what I'm trying to say is,

it's so good when you get there, it doesn't matter how long it takes you. I really think that's a beautiful concept. And also you're kind of getting there all the time in a way you're not- It's the journey. Yeah, like there's all these moments where your life gets incrementally better along the way.

It's true. That's such a great point. There was a point where my husband, Hobie, and I weren't making anything like the money I make today, but we just bought our first house. And I remember sitting in the jacuzzi, looking up at the house lit up at nighttime, thinking, this is our life. I was happy then. I was on that journey, and I thought I had made it then. I was happy then. I was on that journey and I thought I

had made it then. I didn't even know what was to come. But we have to remember those moments and allow ourselves to have those. So anyone listening right now that you're in your nine to five job or you're in a situation you don't want to be in and you feel like you have to get out of it tomorrow, maybe slow down a little bit and think, wait a second, maybe let's put a plan together. Let's do the choose my end date of my job. Let's start a side hustle. Let's start getting resourceful and let this kind of unfold and stop trying to rush it. I think you could really enjoy the opportunity there. And I, and I, I beautifully put, and I think it also will perhaps stop people from making sacrifices that they don't need to make.

Yes. What kind of sacrifices? Talk to me about that. That's good. Well, a huge issue that I deal with with so many women is, of course, that they wake up one day and they go, one of my dreams is to have a family and I haven't met my person. And, you know, now I feel like I'm in this mad rush because I want my own children biologically to meet someone. And then they start making bad choices about who to do that with. And that has all sorts of lasting

consequences. And, you know, then they have to untangle all of that mess and so you know I think that we we create these false dichotomies like I when I think about the number of times in my 20s I told myself I can't do these things socially because I'm working. I'm like, everyone else is doing this and I'm working. And it was so false. And it becomes a little insidious because it's not just that I was working really hard and therefore didn't have time to socialize. It's also that socializing was less natural to me than working. And so it was much easier to use this as my excuse not to do this other stuff because I didn't want to go to the thing. I was like, oh, that's effort for me. I'm going to stay with what I know. I'm going to stay with what I know, but it feels to me and to

everyone else, it feels like a legitimate excuse. And I think that a lot of women, I know a lot of women avoid their love lives, avoid going on dates, avoid applying energy and time to that part of their life because they're telling themselves, well, I'm just in this career and I don't have the time or I don't have this. It's like, well, is that because of some story you've told yourself about how far you have to get by some time in your life? That actually doesn't, that's just something arbitrary you created. But conveniently, it's robbed you of any time you have to create other areas of your life that you derive joy from. You know, I love this conversation so much. I never saw so much alignment between starting your own business, starting your own thing and finding the love of your life and doing the work

to do that. They're so similar because what I don't want to do is have this conversation and then breed a bunch of people or encourage a bunch of people to focus only on building your business and become obsessed with that and forget that your goal was to find someone wonderful and have babies and create this life. We can have both. That's an important message I want people to hear. You can quit your nine to five job, start your own business on your terms, at your own pace, while still looking and putting yourself out there and finding someone that you love. You can have both.

And a lot of times, I love that you brought this up. Many of us think we can only have one at a time. And it's not true. No. And I think, I mean, God, I'm so glad you're saying this because this is deep stuff for people where they're like, well, I have to just show that I'm committed to this job or this business or whatever. And it crowds everything else out and if I mean if if we can give ourselves more more space

more time and and just chip away at something like like we know that that habit of chipping away is gonna I wrote my first book in 2013 oh geez that feels like so long ago. And I didn't write another book. I'm now writing book two. But that's like nearly, what, 10 years later? 10 years, yeah. It's embarrassing to me because I could have written three books by now. If I had just enjoyed the process, instead of overwhelming myself with, I have to write another book. We are so similar.

Are we siblings? We are so similar. Are we siblings? We are so similar in that. I think we are. There's a personality type that's quite similar between the two of us. But I would put so much pressure on it. Instead of going, you know what, I'm just going to write a little bit each day and enjoy it. I could have had three new books by now. Now I have a second one that's going to be coming out at some point because I built it up so much in my mind and I didn't just build the habit of chipping away. Yes.

I love that. You can absolutely chip away at starting your side hustle or starting the business you want. It doesn't need to come tomorrow. But I think the important message is, what do you want? And if you're really honest with yourself and you look around at your job and think, this cannot be it. Like, I don't want this. I'm not happy, but I don't know what I want. Let's start kind of exploring it and chipping away at that. What do you recommend for people who they do that, but

it's like the moment they've sort of truly admitted that to themselves yeah their job suddenly seems interminable like I can't oh this is good I now can't you know the I I feel depressed 70% of the week and then for the slither that I get to work on something I want to work on I feel happy and equal parts depressed because in a day and a half, I have to go back to this drudgery. I literally wrote about this in two weeks notice that the minute you decide I want to leave and start my own business, the job you're in becomes even less desirable. So how do you marry that with the idea of slow progress? Yes. Because you have to have one foot in and one foot

out. And that's never, no one ever wants to be there. But it's the reality of when you decide you want to leave. So what do we do about that? Number one, you have to stay intentional. And number two, you have to stay present. So let's talk present first. You're in this nine to five job. It is paying your bills. You need it. And the last thing you want is an exit where it's a hot mess, where you burn bridges. Like I didn't want to leave my last job and not have a relationship with my coworkers or Tony or whatever it might be. I see that so often. Right? They just burn it down. After years, a lot of the time. Yes. You worked this so hard. You have this reputation and then you ruin it all because you became so miserable. So let's not get to so miserable.

One of the ways to avoid that is you stay present in your job when you're there, but your future is exciting to you. So you have an exciting future now, but knowing I'm not going to burn this down because I don't want that kind of lack of integrity when I'm leaving. So I did my very best when I was still on the job.

A full year, I knew I wanted to leave. I did my very best when I was still on the job. A full year I knew I wanted to leave. I did my very best while I was there, but I was very intentional at the time that I wasn't. Whether it be the tiger time where you have three hours a week and it's going to be focused on your business or whatever it might be. But painting a really exciting future will allow you and well also understanding, but I need this right now. Remember why you need it. You got to pay the bills. You want those benefits right now. You want the paid vacation until you're ready to not have it. So the job is serving you in a way. So let's not just like poop all over it just to go after what you want. So I think it's important, present, but also intentional of how

you spend your time outside of the job. Yeah, I think that thing you said is really interesting this idea that this actually Keep continuing to exercise a gratitude for where you are because it's paying the bills It is like it's funding your side hustle right? Yes It's giving me the security that I need to play if I didn't have this security Yes, I may not even be in a position to be able to play in this way. I like that you said that. Let's show the gratitude for what it is right now. Yeah. Because if you could tie it into what you want, which it still is, right?

It's a means to get you there. Correct. For sure. I'm just curious, in terms of energy, you said there was an energy that you got into for a while that wasn't necessarily helpful in your relationship. How do you switch between those energies? That's a great question. I do it through non-negotiables. It's something I talk about in Two Weeks Notice, where about two years in is when Hobie, my husband, said, again, you're getting wrapped up in this business.

I don't see you anymore. And my relationship is everything to me. So that scared me when he said that. And so around that time, I developed non-negotiables, which were basically what I'm going to do or not going to do. And I had to commit to them because my marriage was on the line. And when something that important is on the line, you're gonna do it. So I decided I'm only working till 6 p.m. At 6 p.m., because when you work from home

and have your own business, as you know, you could work every hour of the day. You just go upstairs and you do your thing and that never ends. So 6 p.m., I'm done working. And I made a commitment to Hobie that I would do that. Number two is I said, okay, I'm not going to work three out of four weekends a month. I was still having to work more than I would do that. Number two is I said, okay, I'm not going to work three out of

four weekends a month. I was still having to work more than I wanted to, but I was working every weekend. So I said three weekends out of the month, I am not working. That is one of my non-negotiables. And another thing I did is I said that I'm going to take off every quarter. I'm going to have a little mini vacation. At the time, I didn't have a lot of money to travel anywhere, but we would say, okay, these three to four days, no work. And we're going to take a little staycation and we're going to be together. How often would that be? It started out as once a quarter. Luckily now it's a little bit more, which is great, but it's just once a quarter, we took a mini vacation together. And that would be like three or four days?

Three or four days. Put the phone away. Like my husband, he's blue collar to the bone. He does not live in this online world. He does not have Tik TOK or Instagram or anything like that. And so putting his phone down, he doesn't care. He doesn't know where it is half the time where I'm like on it every minute. And I tried to tell him like, babe, it's all it's work. It's work. And he's like, get off Instagram. It's not work. So we had another rule that when we were together, coffee time in the morning, dinner time at night, no phones. That was another non-negotiable. That one was really hard for me. And I still kind of break the rules once in a while, but it's important to him. And my marriage is important to me. So. And how do you, so that's

a, I love that way of compartmentalizing time and creating real boundaries around time. Yes. Do you have ways that you kind of consciously shift from the energy that you need at work? Oh, I love this question. Now I'm a partner to someone. Now, you know, and reading between the lines of the kind of guy your guy is, he seems like that he would appreciate your femininity. Yes. I'm glad you brought this up. Absolutely. How do you connect with the

feminine part of yourself? Do you have any rituals? Do you have any mindsets? I do. What do you do? Yes. So the first thing is I work upstairs and that's kind of like my little headquarters and downstairs is our living area. So when six o'clock comes or sometimes it's five, before I walk down those stairs, I tell myself, okay, I am now going to be a wife. It's just Hobie and I at home. So my son's already in college. So I'm going to be Hobie's wife now. And so I kind of like just shift out of work mode because my work mode is very masculine sometimes. It's go, go, go, really intense. And then I have to switch it off.

So one, I make a conscious effort. All right, now I'm Hobie's wife and I get to go downstairs and I get to be present and all of that. I also need about a good 20 minutes before I'm with him between when I stop working and when I'm present with him. There's a good 20 minutes that needs to happen. Whether it be, I jump in the shower and just kind of like have that moment, or I'm upstairs and I might just do some journaling

or a little bit of meditation. I'm talking 10 minutes, but I need to switch it off. It will not happen like that. And so there needs to be a little time. And sometimes when he'll come to me right away, like ready to just be like, talk all the things. I'm like, I need like 20 minutes and then I'm all yours. So we do have a shared communication around that. He's very aware. I can't turn it off just like that. Yeah.

I think that's fantastic. Do you, I'm just curious about your answer to this question because I get this, I get asked this a lot. What would be your advice to women who say, I meet men and because of what I do or because of where I'm at in my life, it seems to scare men off. It seems to, I'm intimidating to them or they, you know, they see me with this business that I have or this career that I have that's this, you know, certain status and it immediate, they feel whether or not it's true. They feel like it's this immediate repellent for guys. What's your take on it? And what's your advice to people who are experiencing that? So for my own personal experience, I did not

make a lot of money when I met Hobie. And so we kind of, he feels like he was kind of part of this journey with me. However, I do want to say that I quickly made a lot more money. I was going to say, he still had to go on that journey with you. Yes. We had a one meeting where we went and met with our tax guy and the tax guy said something like, okay, so Hobie, you made 60, he was a firefighter. You made $60,000 this year. And Amy, you made whatever it was like millions. And Hobie said, I had a moment like, oh my gosh, like his masculinity, he said was like, I felt like it was like took a shot like in that moment. So he mentally had to start dealing with this. And what we had to do is talk about it a lot about what this meant, like what I was able to do, what it meant for our family and what we can do. And now he's since retired and the man

who lives a great life. I tell him I'm his sugar mama. So it works out. But it took a while. He's very alpha male. And that took a while and a lot of conversation. But for women that don't have their man yet and they're putting themselves out there, I think there is some truth to it. I do think that some men can't really handle that woman who's very successful, calling the shots, making things happen. But I also think that's not always true. And we sometimes think that, and it's not fair to the man. Give him a chance. Let's see how this shakes out. But more importantly, I really do believe that you have to know who you are, what you stand for, what's important to you,

and you stand in that. And I can't give relationship advice. This is your thing. But the mindset part of it is own it. Be so proud of what you're able to do. And also, let somebody else in to experience it. Hobie actually believes, and I love this, that he supports me in this. He thinks, and I agree with him, I need him in order to do what I do. He's a huge part of it. And so let somebody in that way. This may be a difficult question to answer, but it may be interesting. Knowing what you know about Hobie, he's an alpha male, you know, guy's guy, you meet him on a first date, but you happen to be where you are now. Okay, that's a good question. Yes.

What off the top of your head would you do on that date to, you know, because he's not at that point part of it. He's not felt part of the journey. He's just meeting this powerhouse. What practical things do you think, whether conversationally or how you show interest or how you conduct yourself, could you do? Because he's clearly a wonderful man. Yes, I want to get to know him.

He's the kind of man that you would want to marry. So we wouldn't want to write him off simply because he's on a first date and a bit like, oh, wow. This is a lot. Yes. But you also don't want to pander. So what would you find, what would you do on that date knowing what you know about him? Okay. So I don't know if this is a little controversial and I don't know if it's the right answer. I don't think there is a right answer here. I just think, I don't, I just think that this is fascinating because you know him and you know, he's a good man. So it's not like you just want to say, well, screw him if he can't handle my, no, he's

worth it. Okay. I love this. So we know he's worth it. The first thing is I wouldn't lead with my business. I wouldn't make it all about, this is what I do. This is all the what I do. This is all the stuff I have.

This is like how I built it. I wouldn't take the business side totally out of the conversation. And I'd focus on one, what is he about? What is he like? What does he love to do? What brings him joy? And I talk about that about me too. I love to do all these things outside of the work.

I don't think we need to lead with the work. I'd also stay in my feminine. So I come from the world of Tony Robbins, where I first learned about masculine energy and feminine energy from that. And I see the part it plays in relationships. And so I would step into my feminine energy and come from that place, which still is confidence, which still is very proud of what I do, but I don't need to prove myself. And I don't need to be like, go, go, go. Let me show you what I've done. And let me prove to you that I'm like a huge catch. I'd also stay out of that type of conversation or energy. And so I wouldn't downplay, but I wouldn't lead with how successful I am. I think it's a great answer. I was very nervous because you're the expert. So I'm like, this could be wrong.

It's a great answer. Okay, good. It's a great answer. And I think that it's really powerful because we get so caught up in the egoic parts of this conversation where it's like, you know, screw them if they can't handle. And that's like, well, okay, that's fine. Some people are just misogynists and that's a problem. But some people are just trying to feel enough in the world and they're struggling and they maybe are coming up against you and you're just, look what you've done. Yes, new to them. And meanwhile, it's also an act of ego to feel like we need to say all of those things,

right? Instead of just connect with a person. Yes. I mean, I definitely have to check my ego at the door. The older I get, I've realized, whoa, I've made a lot of decisions based on my ego or that I have to prove myself or anything like that. So, you know, and you ask a great question. Now that I've had the success, how would I navigate that? I would definitely pull some of that back. Yeah. I think, well, and by the way, a version of you who would have been out there dating,

were you single on the way up, may not have done that on the way up, right? Because when we first get a little success, we want to scream about it. And we want to like, look what I did. But once you actually are no longer, once you're either comfortable with that, or you just no longer base your worth around that, you don't lead with it. That's true. I feel like now, God forbid, if I didn't have Hobie and had to go out in the work world, because of where I'm at now, I don't think I would lead with it. Five years ago, I would absolutely have led with it.

So it's just kind of where you are in that season of life. Yeah. Yeah. That's very cool. So I want to make sure everyone knows about your book and then we're going to do one final question and then we'll do some questions for our members, for our Love Life Club members.

And that'll be an exclusive for them. But before I do the last question, for everyone out there, the book is two weeks notice. Find the courage to quit your job make more money work where you want and change the world and um amy is someone who's lived it i mean you what's so nice is when you speak to someone who you there's no question you could ask them that they don't viscerally know the answer to. In your bones, you know it because you've been there.

And it so shows and it's so wonderful to listen to you on this subject. Please go and get it if you haven't already. Pick one up for anyone you know in your life, not just for yourself, anyone who you know is stuck, anyone who is not finding purpose in their work right now, anyone who is scared because they're not satisfied where they are, but they are terrified to leave. There's a relationship book, actually. There's a book on, there's a book called Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay.

Ooh, that could be great for a work situation. Yes. But what Amy is doing is answering that question in the context of your purpose. And that is one of the most valuable things you can have because your life is only made up of a few things at the very core of it. It's who do we spend our lives with how do we feel about ourselves and what do we do with our time and what we do with our time is one of the most important questions we can ever ask ourselves so this book is a very

practical guide for answering that question uh go check it out. It's called Two Weeks Notice and you can find it anywhere, of course, where you get your books. Thank you, my friend. You're very welcome. I'm honored to have you here. I suppose it would be good to finish the interview portion on just a note of action. There's people who are going to listen to this and they are going to feel inspired and empowered by the practical advice that you've given. And then there's going to be that moment where they wake up and they have not built that execution muscle in their life that makes them go, you know what, I'm actually going to act on this now. I'm going to do it. I know that me and Audrey, my partner, have learned so much from each other by being together. I've learned a whole way of thinking and operating and living that is alien to me.

Because she's amazing. I love her so much. She's taught me so much. And she's always said to me, one of the things that she's learned from me is execution. She's like, you do things. You do not talk about things. You actually just go and do them. And she's told me that's one of the things she admires the most and learns the most from me on. For all those people out there who feel like that's not been a strength of mine is executing. What's your advice for them? So the first thing is you have to plan. If you want to execute, you have to plan.

And so the simplest thing you can do is let's say you really are serious about starting that side hustle. And so every night before you go to bed, I want you to choose one thing that you are committed to the next day that you're going to do. And it could be as simple as I'm going to listen to this specific podcast, or I'm going to read this chapter of a book, but every night before you go to bed, one thing I'm going to do tomorrow to move me closer to this goal that I have. Because I think what happens, people don't execute because they think they need to do 10 things. And like we talked about earlier, they don't have time to do 10 things, but it's more of that intentionality that this is what I'm going to do. But I think it's even deeper than that. I heard someone say that self-worth, to increase your self-worth, to really feel your self-worth, you have to stay with the

commitments you make to yourself. Anything you say you're going to do, you have to do it. And so imagine if every night before you went to bed, you said, one thing I'm going to do tomorrow, and you actually did it. Now you're increasing your self-worth. You're feeling good about yourself, which means you're going to start moving forward even when you don't have all the answers. That's one more thing. Everything you do, you do not know if it's the right direction. You do not know if it's all going to pan out.

You just have to trust the process. You have to trust yourself. You will figure this out. So being intentional and also building that self-worth muscle, I think really makes a difference. Fantastic. Well, we're going to do some questions for our Love Life members, but Amy, for everyone who's not a Love Life member, thank you so much. Thank you. This was such a fun conversation. I loved it. Hopefully it was something a little different for you as well. It was very different. I've never gotten to talk about business building and love,

two of my most favorite things. So it was fantastic. Thank you.