Love Life with Matthew Hussey - 215: Let Go, Move On, and HEAL Your Broken Heart

Episode Date: May 31, 2023

"What if you're so afraid of rocking the boat with someone you REALLY like that you forget to uphold your biggest standards?" It's such a common story: we fall for someone, find ourselves thinking we can't live without them, and compromise on everything in the hopes of making them happy.  Today, Matthew explains how to deal with this scarcity mindset and keep your confidence and self-worth even when you're afraid your standards might cause you to lose someone... --- ►► Stop Waiting and Start Creating the Happiness You Deserve NOW - Claim your spot on my Virtual Retreat, June 2 - 4, 2023 → MHVirtualRetreat.com

And just because you had a few nice dates with someone or you've been seeing someone for a few months and you see amazing qualities in them, it doesn't mean they would be an amazing home forever. So that's an assumption. And anyone who doesn't choose you isn't your home. Hey everyone, I just got done with a live session for my Love Life Club members where I coach people live every month and one of my members asked a question that was, I think everyone's going to relate to this. Let me ask you before I even dive into the question. Have you ever had someone that you're so afraid of rocking the boat with because you're worried about pushing them away that you don't have standards with them?

And the reason you're worried about pushing them away is because deep down you worry that you won't find someone better, that this person has certain special things about them, things that make them very rare or unique or amazing. And it's making you feel like you can't afford to lose them. That's the scarcity mindset. In this moment between me and one of my members, she brings up this exact issue. And the answer I gave, I wanted to share with you today, because if you're suffering from this or suffer from this regularly, this is going to change the way that you go into dating forever. It's going to transform your ability to have a standard. It's going to make you unafraid to lose someone and it's going to change your relationship with your own worth. By the way, this weekend is the weekend of the virtual retreat. It starts on Friday, it ends on Sunday, and it is going to be an extraordinary

event. These do not come around very often. So if you're not already signed up, go to mhvirtualretreat.com to become a part of this. This is a live three days of immersion coaching. It's a moment in time event. It's not something you can get next week. So if you miss it, you miss it. This is me making sure that you know about it and you don't find out on Monday after it's already happened. Again, that link is mhvirtualretreat.com. All right, let's get to my answer. Marlene says, I feel a little like Mirav of being afraid. I won't find someone else as good as he was. My rational brain knows that is not true, but it feels that way sometimes. You know, when we, me and Audrey last year, we took a trip to Hawaii and we had a little walk over to, we weren't staying at the Four Seasons, but we had a little walk over to the four seasons and we looked at the four seasons hotel and we were like this place is incredible like it's amazing and we looked up the room prices at this hotel what was

it like three and a half thousand dollars a night the cheapest room which wasn't even like sea view it was like literally facing on the parking lot was three and a half grand the toilet was three and a half grand a night at the four seasons um no it's three hundred three and a half thousand dollars a night for a room we had a drink we went there and had a little drink and i thought this is lovely i'm really enjoying this we're at the end of the evening we're gonna leave but I'm really enjoying this this is so nice I'm not going away from that going I just feel like I'm never gonna find anywhere better than the four seasons because I don't live there like that's not our home so it kind of is irrelevant to me how good the four seasons was it's like completely irrelevant it's not my

home that's so good that's so interesting it's so true that's i think that's the best way to overcome scarcity mindset which is so huge for all of us right and that's that's really beautiful i love that it's so important because what it does is it forces your focus on things that you can actually build. Us coming home and putting another picture on the wall, like nailing another picture on the wall in a spot that we like, has way more impact on our quality of life than that night at the Four Seasons. Because we're going to look at that picture every day. And it's in our home, our actual home. The Four Seasons isn't our actual home. It was just an experience. And people treat what seems like a fancy fun hotel in dating, like it should be their home. The only person that is your home is the person that

becomes your home. If you lose someone, the fear of, but what if I don't find anyone as good as them? Firstly, you don't really know how good they are. Just from dating someone, you don't know how good they are. Dating someone isn't a reflection of how great they are in a marriage. Staying in the Four Seasons for a night isn't a reflection of how great it is to be at the Four Seasons, right? It's just a, it's a night. It's a, it's a fantasy. It's a dream. It's constructed to make us feel amazing for a few days on holiday, right? But that's not home. And just because you had a few nice dates with someone or you've been seeing someone for a few months and you see amazing qualities in them, it doesn't mean they would be an amazing home forever. So that's an assumption. And anyone who doesn't choose you

isn't your home. So go back home and build your home. Ignore the fancy hotel that you stayed in and thinking, what if I never find someone again who's like that? Laura says, I agree with you. If I had 3,500 euros, I would spend it on your retreat, by the way, which shall we say is the entire ethos of the retreat is that it is an investment in your home. You, your confidence, your mindset, your life, it's an investment in home. You're making your house better for the rest of your life. That's the difference. When you, this is, I mean this because this is really what you just said as a joke. Well, you do, you didn't mean it as a joke. You do want to come to the retreat, but what you just said as a comment like that is very real to me. It's one of the reasons I tell people to do the retreat is because all this investment you're putting in a guy, if you put

it in yourself, is going to pay dividends forever. And that asset that you build in yourself is going to be the thing that attracts a guy anyway, because he's going to want to make you home. When you're that great, someone wants to make you home forever. All right, let's keep going here. Let's bring on a live caller. Who do we have? I hope you enjoyed that clip. I hope it resonated with you. I know it did for so many of my members when I said it. That idea of you not placing value in the hotel you stay in for a night, but building your home that you live in every day. That is a concept that when I say it, it clicks for people. That the answer is learning how to build their own value. And that's true if you

attach too much value outside of yourself to a person, your relationship, your job, or things that you think give you value externally, we have to realize that building our own value is the key in life to being confident so that when we lose something, we don't lose our own security and our own value with that thing leaving. But realizing this is only half the battle. We have to learn how to build our own value. And that is what I am doing with everyone who is attending the virtual retreat this weekend. I'm telling you this because if you're not on board already, this really is the last chance. So get on board while you're here. mhvirtualretreat.com is the link. Go check it out, get your ticket, and I will see you to begin our work this Friday.