Love Life with Matthew Hussey - 231: The Danger of Holding Out for "The One"

Episode Date: March 13, 2024

Matthew and Audrey sit down to talk about love lessons learned from the Netflix show "One Day". Topics include the danger of holding out for someone who remains a fantasy, how the love stories we tell can be intoxicating but also dangerous, and why we need to chase the right things in life. ►► Pre-Order My New Book, "Love Life" at → http://www.LoveLifeBook.com   ►► Ready to Get Off the Sidelines and Back into Dating? Join my Free Virtual Event, The Love Life Reset Reserve Your Spot Now at. . . → http://www.LoveLifeTraining.com

I think that's one of the big problems of a story like that, is that the more you keep a story in your head of what could be with someone, the more that story turns into something truly unattainable for real life. And it's like no one can really come along and compete with that story. welcome to the love life podcast with me matthew hussey and my wife, whose name is now Audrey Hussey. Are you going to do that every single time? Just like, just highlight my name change? I like it. Oh, I feel bad now. Yeah.

I feel bad. What's wrong with me liking? Oh, God's sake. There's nothing wrong with you liking. It's very sweet. you have some very comfy sandals on for the podcast you've got your podcast shoes on i'm sitting cross-legged like a child because that's just feels nice and cozy for a podcast it feels nice to be able to do something in a comfy way as opposed to having to you know go to do an interview somewhere which i've been

doing so many of for the new book my god and having to get all dressed up and act professional speaking of which if you haven't already pre-ordered it that was a good segue right it was a good segue but you didn't finish it. I know, I'm sorry. It was worthless. Seriously, though, go pre-order Matt's new book, Love Life. Love Life, how to raise your standards, find your person and live happily no matter what. The book is available right now at lovelifebook.com. And I can't remember what day is this episode coming out? What's coming up that's exciting that people should know about we have a live event happening on march 19th which is

going to be incredible oh yeah don't go to lovelifebook.com go to lovelifetraining.com because when you well in fact do both can that? Yeah, you can do both. Go grab a copy of the book, a lovelifebook.com, uh, for which there are some great bonuses and also sign up for our event on March the 19th called the Love Life Reset, which is going to be a fantastic event for anyone who wants a fresh approach to their love life. And I think so many people are going to benefit from this. People who have feels like they've just got to a point in their love life where it feels like nothing's working. And they just, they feel like, God, something needs to change. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I don't know

why it's not working out for me. Something needs to change. We are speaking to you. Go to lovelifetraining.com and sign up. And if you're someone who has found yourself single again at a time in your life where you didn't think you would be single. And you're wondering how to get back out there again in a dating landscape that you feel like you don't even understand anymore, not to mention you're afraid of the rejection or you're worried that you have somehow become invisible in the time that you have been out of the dating market, then come join us because we're going to give you a nice, gentle, loving, compassionate approach to starting to take steps to get back out there and find love again. Because look, let's face it, most of us, we don't want to date, but we do want to find love. So let us help you with the second part. Go to

lovelifetraining.com to sign up and let's get to the episode. We decided today to talk, one of the big themes of the new book, Love Life, is the whole idea of chasing the wrong things. We have talked about this a lot. Chasing the wrong things, credit to you, was actually a phrase that you started saying early on in our relationship. You said that it, I just think so many people are unhappy because they keep chasing the wrong things. Before we get into, because there's a specific way that we want to talk about chasing the wrong things today. And there's a TV show me and Audrey have been watching on Netflix that kind of epitomizes this. And I'm really curious to know who out there has seen it. So we'll tell you about that in a second. But can you just summarize when you say

chasing the wrong things, what you mean by that for everyone out there who's maybe now wondering, am I chasing the wrong things? What do you mean by chasing the wrong things? Yeah, for sure. For me, chasing the wrong things is something that we all are susceptible to doing most of us actually do do it in our lives oftentimes it's in our 20s but it can carry on we can end up doing it for the rest of our lives but in more hedonistic times what we're what we're chasing basically is like experiences and highs and things that make us feel um good about ourselves or validate our ego or whatever it might be so that would be like an example of that right so it comes in the form of kind of like you know chasing the hot cool aloof charismatic person who treats you like crap because they're hot cool and aloof and you think

that it's you're gonna you know look really good being with them or you know your ego will feel really really grateful that you got that kind of person um another example might be just chasing like hedonistic experiences and taking drugs and going out and doing all of those things the reason I kind of like in my mind chasing the wrong things is kind of it's this idea that we're all on a path and our path is kind of what keeps us honest and in theory our past if we're all on a path and our path is kind of what keeps us honest. And in theory, our past, if we're in alignment, is the thing that takes us towards a happy life and a peaceful life. But we get very distracted by all these shiny things that take us on all these kind of like side roads. And when I see people doing that, I just go, oh, they've just gone down the

side road. And what happens is they end up spending months or years just chasing this shiny new thing down the side road. And then they hit a dead end with it, hit rock bottom, and they have to traipse their entire way back, back to their path. And so I think the goal in life is to recognize that we're all susceptible to those things and to, instead of chasing the wrong things, just try and chase the things and go after the things in our lives that are in alignment with what we want

and the life that we want to live and of course sometimes what we chase is when we're talking about the wrong things we chase something that we chase hope right we chase potential we chase what we think something could be instead of what it is and that speaks to the show that we've been watching me and Audrey have been watching a show that Audrey made me watch in the beginning called One Day that's not what happened okay what happened was you know how Netflix shows you a trailer for things and basically this trailer came up I remember this because this is last weekend when we were skiing and you know normally if you don't like the trailer you kind of flick through it Matt was like hmm just gonna watch this watch the whole thing till the end and he went I know i shouldn't really feel

that but i really didn't hate that trailer huh i know i shouldn't be feeling these feelings for this program that normally would be something that i would make fun of audrey for watching but i quite liked the dialogue so what's the, it's called One Day and it has people I don't know in it, but one of them is from White Lotus season two and we really liked him in White Lotus. He's sort of the bad boy who's very damaged in White Lotus. He's exactly the kind of guy

that you go after in your twenties when you're kind of you know chasing the wrong things yeah yeah yeah and you think he's so cool but he's also just not in hindsight yes well in this show he's pretty cool and he's sort of the popular guy and he's very good looking and stereotypically just just charming and charismatic and and he's sort of the popular guy and he's very good looking and stereotypically just just charming and charismatic and and he's dating well no he's not dating he he meets this young woman at college you know they're both like 18 something like that I feel like or maybe they meet when they're like 21 and they're just graduating yeah graduation and um and they you know hit it off I don't think they quite go home and have sex do they they

they just go home and there's a bit of a like will they won't they but then there's a friendship that sort of comes out of it and the you know I won't go into every detail of the show because you might want to go and watch it me and Audrey if I'm going to be honest we're pretty addicted at this point we haven't finished it yet no we've got like two episodes to go i'm scared i hear it's really sad well don't now you're giving stuff away i don't we don't know that it's sad okay we just know that it seems like it could be but it's really about their you know friendship over time and it's sort of I don't know what one day is referring to, but in my mind, one day is like, you know, one day they'll get together. Yeah, I think that's right.

Is that how you took it? I think so, yeah. Okay. Or maybe one day that changes your life forever. I'm getting too philosophical. I think it's the former. Is it also like every episode is one day no it's not no no okay well then I think it's the kind of like you know one day

they'll it'll happen but it's a very firstly nothing I'm about to say is knocking the show because I really like the show if if you hadn't guessed already matt really enjoying it i don't want it to end but the story of the show is like a very dangerous one you know sort of like if you like 50 shades of gray because you find it really entertaining but then you come away from it going oh that story's a really dangerous one that has the potential to do a lot of people a lot of harm i feel like that about one day yeah i agree because it's this constant fantasy of you know especially on her side in many ways this guy that you know she has always had a thing for that she holds a very special place in her heart and even though their lives go in different

directions there's this constant kind of holding on to that feeling and it's like they're always each other's number one at the heart of it which makes their relationship really really special but also in real life is exactly the thing that makes you not go out there and try and find somebody else and has you get stuck on that person yeah that's the thing isn't it there's we don't you know people say oh they're not they're not stopping me i still am going out and blah blah blah and doing my thing and whatever but it's someone doesn't have to be taking up physical space in your life for them to be taking up mental and emotional space in your life and as long as you're still holding a candle for someone

there's still that part of you that doesn't go all in on your life on other people you know it's it there's just that thing that keeps you is it's like a story that doesn't end. And those stories can become really, really dangerous. Yeah. Why do you think it is that we do that? Because I think a lot of people do that, right? A lot of us get stuck on a story and are more than happy to almost live inside the fantasy of what something could be rather than go out there and actually connect with someone in a real meaningful way.

Why do you think we prefer to do that? I really sympathize with it because it's a story can make us feel less lonely, think less isolated it it can make us feel like there's still no matter what happens there's this thread out there in the world that you know still has some tie to our life or our future and no matter what disappointments may come our way in the short term there is this there's still this hope there's still this possibility and it I think it it can be it can make us feel less lonely and it can also be an excuse not to fully live not to be truly present in our life because there's something about the story that's very comfortable we know our way around it it it's already you know it

we know this person it feels familiar it's like that the story itself becomes like an old friend that you get to hold on to and it feels scary to kill that it feels scary to kill hope and to just go oh there's you know i'm gonna assume nothing is ever going to happen here yeah i also think dory is intoxicating because it's it's fantasy and real life is real life no you're right the story the the fantasy of the story is very seductive it yeah it is there's a kind of escapism inherent in it I don't have to truly just embrace a real life and the disappointments of a real life and the you know the way that love doesn't you know doesn't always match up in real life I think that's one of the big problems of a story like that is that the more you keep a story in your

head of what could be with someone the more that story turns into something truly un unattainable for real life and it's like no one can really come along and compete with that story because it's you know i don't in the in the part of the show we're in, they are not, I don't know what happens with the two of them, but they're not in a relationship. And for as long as they're not in a relationship, she's imagining what a relationship with him would be like yeah that's an impossible thing for anyone to live up to because they're having whoever has a relationship with her is having a real relationship with her the thing that's going on in her head is a fantasy and it's a and it's for as long as the relationship never happens it never has to live up to that fantasy it can just exist as this perfect version of it this perfect possibility in her head and that happens with so many people is it

doesn't just have to happen in this case of this show. It's with two friends who kind of, so, you know, will they, won't they friendship for a long time, but it can also just happen with the person that we had a three month affair with that. We,

you know, never got to truly be in a relationship with, but because the chemistry and the connection and those three months was so amazing is we project what the relationship would be like based on those three months. And then all of a sudden you get into a relationship and you start comparing it to what you think that relationship would have been like if you had it. And there's no truth to that because you don't know what they'd be like in a relationship in that show for the whole time they're friends she still doesn't know what kind of a partner he would be like it's so easy for him and her to waltz into each other's lives

every now and again and have like a mini like friendship honeymoon. Yeah. And have this amazing like, oh my God, you're the only one who truly understands me. You know, we have such a great time together, all of that. But it's only like, it doesn't need to ever run the marathon that is a real relationship. It doesn't ever need to be in such close proximity where they're able to like truly see,

oh, this is what you're like in a romantic relationship. They don't see any of that. So they just get to imagine it from the sidelines. You know, it's funny because it's almost like if they get together, they then don't have each other to be the other person on the outside that's giving them that thing. And it's like, oh, our relationships are so like whatever. And our connection is the thing that's really exciting. I also think it's so so true and I was thinking weirdly earlier I don't know in what context I was thinking this but I was thinking about the night you and I met and I was thinking how we were looking at each other and you know that kind of feeling that's like I remember saying this to you like I hadn't had that feeling in such a long time

of like almost being like younger and like looking at someone who's looking at you and you know that you're into each other you don't know how to talk to each other that feeling is really really exhilarating and I was thinking about that feeling that I felt which was like how fun and how exciting and the endless possibilities of what that means it's kind of what's going on in your mind right and I'm sure I'm not a neuroscientist but I'm sure you have like all sorts of chemicals that are popping off in your brain when those things are happening. And I almost see it in that way, that kind of early stage of like, when you're not really ever going all in with someone, you know, in the trenches, in a actually seeing the in like ins and outs of what

that person is and their good sides and their bad sides and whatever else you're always just existing in that kind of like exhilarating what could be stage and that stage is just not real life and that's not where a sustainable relationship is built from. The problem is we want to keep, and you've talked about this before, we want to keep micro-dosing on those chemicals and that feeling, because that feeling feels so good. And it really is like an addiction in a way. And I think that the story and the possibility of what this thing could be

becomes a very intoxicating and very addictive thing and i actually think it's an addiction both it could be an addiction both when you're with someone else and when you're on your own the addiction when you're with someone else is still like is you playing the fantasy of you know what that could have been and how much your current situation doesn't live up to that. And so it's like an addictive, it's almost like an addictive anxious thought pattern, right? Because the anxious thought is, would I be happier if that had only happened or could still happen? And so that becomes like a anxious rumination over and over again the addiction when you're on your own is the temptation to reach out to that person and to

get whatever hit you can get and of course if that person is able to in a kind of easy way reach back out to you and be like hey I'm here like you kind of like send out your beacon to them and they send it back you know like I'm here then it feels good and it feels good to them too but no one's really having to commit anything to that it's just a dopamine hit for both sides yeah and do you think because i have like i have thoughts and theories on this and i think it's not a simple answer but where do you think all of this kind of comes from because you know to add a bit of color and again i don't want to ruin it although spoilers and don't listen any further if you don't want this ruined but he's you know

in the story he's like very damaged and he's a bit kind of brooding and damaged and a bit lost and like he goes through a big loss and so he's very kind of like her and she kind of I don't know like there's this sort of wounded animal nurturing sort of like, I will be the one who stands by you and I see you and I understand you and I accept you and all of your imperfections in that moment. And I think that that's a really common cycle where, you know, we see people and we go, I want to fix you. And it almost makes us more bonded to them that they have all of this stuff. You also get to be the special person who sees that stuff and sees them for who they really are underneath it all. And it's important that we recognize that that gives us a sense of significance in the situation. It makes us feel like we hold a special place in that

person's life in their world by being the one and perhaps the only one who truly gets them you actually just did a video on this kind of on this but you know we talk a lot about this and you talk a lot about this matt about kind of this idea of like healthy love versus unhealthy love and you know rewiring our brain towards a healthier dynamic and so instead of chasing after people who are inconsistent make us feel unsafe unseen unappreciated you know really flare up our nervous, make us feel abandoned half the time. Um, instead of chasing after those people, trying to find the value and the beauty and the attraction and all of that in people who are actually showing up and ready to meet us where

we are. But I do think that I can't speak for men and I don't want to generalize women, but I certainly see it in a lot of women in my friendships and I've seen it in my life in in the past and I think it's a common thing which is this feeling of like taming somebody and almost like earning them you know instead of them just being ready and fully kind of like available to you when you're wanting them you have to almost go through all these hoops and jump through all of these kind of like this obstacle course in order to make sure that you get them and then when you get them at the end it's like I got the prize that was this damaged complicated person um what do you think about that why do you think

people do that and do you agree with me do you think that is a pattern i think it's a pattern yes i mean i think we don't we have a tendency to devalue things that seem too easy especially if we've been used to complicated or chaotic or you know our association with love is that it's frantic or it's capricious you know you have to find a way to like wrangle it and tame it and jump through hoops to get it that that then is what you know you know yeah it's what you know and and so you go in search for that and anything that's simpler than that feels like there must be something wrong with it or it must or it's boring because it's shouldn't be this easy um you know and what's or sometimes what's wrong with you why do you why do you already like me or why do you why are you not making me work for it that

must mean you're not great you know i think there's also a bit of that to a lot of situations is I'm not, if we deep down don't think that we're enough, if we don't think that we're, you know, it's like school. If you don't think you're one of the cool kids, then, but you really want to be one of the cool kids, then you don't want to hang around with the kids who aren't cool. Because you're like, you're going to like blow my cover. I'm trying to be like them. I'm trying to be one of the cool kids. If I stand next to you. Don't talk to me. Yeah, if I stand next to you too long, you're going to blow my cover.

So like get away from me. You're disgusting. Sorry, I shouldn't laugh. It's just the way you said that and yeah it's like real contempt for ourselves that we project out into other people yeah and and if someone likes us too easily then it's like oh you can't be one of the cool kids because you have to earn that you know and it's it's this it is this feeling of love has to be earned and so i you know and we have to start looking at what's the real prize if you look at what healthy love is it's someone who knows that they would like to find a connection who sees you and sees in you someone they would like to build a connection with because they think you're great and then starts investing consistently to try to build that connection with you yeah and then the result of the two of you building that connection together is something really magical.

Because you can start with something that's really magical, but even that doesn't compare to what gets built over time. Because the two of you truly get to know each other. Like you really know your way around each other. You understand each other. You see each other like you really know your way around each other you you understand each other you see each other and and with every you know flaw you discover every insecurity every quirk every idiosyncrasy you you're like peeling back the layers of this person and you you really do become the person that kind of knows them better than anybody and you kind of have the manual to them you know and that puts you in this unique position of being

able to be there for them comfort them help them heal motivate them and them to you and them to you and so the and the result of that is two people who also heal because it's a very healing experience to be in a relationship like that where you're accepted and seen and someone knows how to handle you and vice versa. And so two people keep getting better and better. And you kind of, I don't know, you kind of upgrade each other. It's not one person trying to upgrade another person. It's like you both just, it's like you heal me and then I feel safer and I feel like I could be more of myself and more confident.

And as I become that, it becomes an invitation to you to do the same and so you do that and then it just becomes this like thing where you both you know you really are like I feel like I'm an upgraded version today from who I was when you met me and so I feel like I I'm getting better for you and I feel like you're getting better for me and that's healthy love and it has nothing to do with you know having to like break through something or having to tame someone or having to find security in someone who won't give you security the story of what someone might become is very very dangerous like there's the one day tv show version of it and then there's the real life version of that and we had someone in our love life club recently who talked about someone she had been friends with for 50 years yeah so i

actually want to want to speak about that because i think what often happens and i have a lot of compassion for this because i know where it comes from for people but there is this kind of instinct i suppose to if you are in a situation where you are either very casually dating someone who's coming in and out of your life but you have a very strong connection you get on very well or maybe you dated for a while and then now you're just friends but deep down you still hold a candle to them whatever it might be and you feel like you have this unbroken super kind of like it's a Romeo and Juliet type connection right but you end up feeling like what you hear a lot of is like we're best friends or we're such good friends like he's just one of

my greatest friends and I don't want to lose the friendship I don't want to lose them as a person because they're my best friend or you know and and I and I suppose the reason I feel a lot of compassion is because when you're speaking to someone every day and you're sharing all these special moments having all these laughs all these kind of things and you know you feel super super connected to them you do feel a little bit like they're your best friend you feel like it's them and you against the world but I and I want you to carry on your point about this this woman on our love life community. But, you know, I think there's something very dangerous to that rhetoric of best friends. And, you know, he's such a good friend or she's such a good friend.

And I think it masks the reality, which is I don't want to let go of this person. We're actually not friends at all because we don't have a friendship we have a romantic connection within that romantic connection of course is a friendship but if you if they got a girlfriend or a boyfriend tomorrow we wouldn't we wouldn't be able to stand being around them in the same way so therefore they're not our friend or we wouldn't need them yeah or they wouldn't need us. Correct. Like that's the reality.

Like how many, if that friendship suddenly is something you don't really hold on to, if you find the love of your life, then you have to, on some level, say, is it the friendship I thought it was? Yeah. And if they found the love of their life and they suddenly just disappeared,

that it's the same, it's the same the other way round. You have to then say how much of this is a lifetime friendship versus, and it can be, if it can be a friendship, don't get me wrong, but how much of that friendship is based on a kind of circumstantial need right now that I have in my life that I would not have

if I found the love of my life yeah I think there really needs to be a a separation between what a true friendship is like if I think of my best friend Mahi it's like we're friends she's my friend there's no you know I don't fancy her or love her in that way I love her obviously but not in that way and and I think we need to separate romantic friendships with true friendships because I think when you have you know you and I Matt are best friends but we're best friends because we're romantically involved if we were no longer romantically involved, we couldn't stay best friends. We're only best friends.

That friendship is a product of the chemistry and connection that is born out of a romantic connection. And it's very important to separate the two because we can really hurt ourselves and really almost lie to ourselves and pretend to ourselves like something is something that it's not. And close ourselves off to

other options for sure we hold on like just taking us around the houses but like as you're about to tell us that woman that we spoke to yesterday the woman from our love life club um community who she had been friends with someone for 50 years and was worried about ruining the friendship by asking whether there was romantic potential and that's like that is a that's just basically if you're not careful it's just a story you'll take to your grave yeah right like there's we only have so much time in this life and you can't have someone that spans that much life where you're still asking the question of whether it could be more like you have to just say look am i that if I need to go find out, I'll go find out. I'll ask them the question. And then if we're not, if, if, if this person doesn't want more with me,

then you have to be honest with yourself and say, can I really remain quote friends with this person now that that's out there. Or maybe realistically, I need a break from this person so that I can go and feel better and make space for someone else. Because how, if you just asked someone, can we be more, do you want to be more? Essentially on some level, I am, you know, in love with you, right? Because because by the way if it's not even love if you're just like no I don't love them I just kind of like them then what is the point like go find someone else like it's not it shouldn't it shouldn't be that big of a deal but if you feel like you're in love with someone and you say to them, what are we or to you, could we be more? And they say, no, I'm not interested. Are you really going to go back to just being that person's friend tomorrow? That's not going to live on as some kind of hope or, you know, strange feeling that you have anytime you're with them, at that point you go, okay, I need to get space

from you because I need to make space. Love needs space. And at some point you have to make that space. You have to consciously make that space instead of giving someone else the unfair kind of role a new person the unfair responsibility of having to create space by being so compelling and so awesome and so this that you you finally like shift someone else over there's too much responsibility for a new person to have wow and by way, the people that will create that will like make space themselves are often the people that probably you shouldn't have in your life because they're the shiniest, you know, most charismatic person who comes along and love bombs you or hijacks your attention. And here you are, you're in the same cycle all over again so it's it's a very very dangerous thing and by the way the thing i said to to our love life member was if you said i need if you don't want the same thing as me i need to take some space for a year or two to go and get over you get over you essentially so that i can just have a friendship with you and no hope for anything more if the friendship doesn't survive that then it was never the friendship you kept telling yourself it was anyway yeah

i really love what you just said oh my god I just think just want to repeat it love needs space and you cannot expect somebody to come in and create space for themselves you have to have an open heart you have to have enough space for somebody to actually be able to come in and for you to have enough bandwidth to actually see them and give them a chance, a fair chance. Be present with them. Be present with them,

not comparing them to someone else. I think that's so, so true. Yeah, yeah. So basically, go watch one day. Tell us what you think. But don't tell us how it ends because we don't even know that yet. Well, I think by the time this comes out, we'll know.

That depends. We went to sleep too early last night to watch one. Let us know what you think of these ideas. Podcast at MatthewHussey.com. Also, make sure you sign up to our event coming up on March the 19th, the Love Life Reset. Are you excited about this event? I'm so excited. I'm so, so excited. It's going to be amazing. All the information is on the page.

Which is lovelifetraining.com. It's completely free and it's going to be so much fun. Yeah. I'm so excited. It's going to be great. Lovelifetraining.com is the link. It's only going to be live once this event. And we really, like we really had in mind people who, you know, felt like they just need to like wipe the slate clean and have a fresh start in their love life. Yeah. Especially people who have felt like, you know, it it's been a string of disappointments or you feel like so far,

just the approach you've been taking hasn't been working and I'm looking at you if you're in your 40s 50s 60s and you know coming out of something that is you know has like someone left you or a marriage ended or you know you you reached a place in your life where you were like wow i really i didn't expect my life to be here i thought i was going to be with that person for the rest of my life and i find myself out there again single and it scares me yeah come come join us come be with us because i promise you it's going to be a really compassionate, welcoming space for you to do a little healing and start to find what your, what approach is right for you to get back out there

again and find love, um, on your, you know, on, on, on the timeframe that works for you. But, um, I'm, I'm really, really excited for everyone to come out and be with us. It's on March the 19th. It's free. Everyone is welcome. Bring your friends, give the, you know, give the link lovelifetraining.com to anyone in your community. If you're a woman who has a Facebook group that you think would be relevant to this event post the link in your facebook group put it in your community lovelifetraining.com is that link come join us you can sign up for free in 20 seconds and we'll send you an email with the details of how to access it on the day and um and we look forward to seeing you there and of course if you haven't ordered a copy of the book yet

you can either just do it straight from amazon if you want to or barnes and noble or wherever you get your books but if you want to do it through our site it's lovelifebook.com it would mean a lot to matt if in case you hadn't noticed already it would mean a lot to him if you pre-ordered yeah this book is my baby it really is your baby i care about it so much i've spent years of my life you know it's funny because i've been writing it in private for so long for years before anyone even knew i was writing another book and i felt like i've spent so long with this thing and hundreds and hundreds of hours that i'm just i'm deeply excited for the world to finally see it and i've never seen you care about anything work related so much than this book there was a I'm going to tell this story I hope you don't mind but it's a funny story

about um what Clara our designer said so basically we're on this meeting and our designer said that the color orange was the university most hated color and i just looked at we're on zoom and i just looked at matt's little window and yeah he's holding up the book if you can't see this because this is audio he's currently holding up the book which has a giant orange heart on the front of it it's between orange and red but i just saw matt's little face in the zoom window and he just suddenly looked so butthurt and he was like well what do you mean it's the most like universally hated color and she was like oh well no no it's just what i read like clara if it was the most universally hated cover you could have said that at the beginning of the design process so basically this is how

how much matt cares about this book. And it took, you know, like 10, 15 minutes to just talk around the fact that it was okay, that it was orange and people were still going to love the book. So please go ahead and pre-order the book, even though it's orange. It's somewhere between orange and red. I mean, it's pretty orange. I think it's a beautiful cover. Grab a copy.

I really love the cover. And we'll see you next time on the Love Life podcast. Thank you so much for joining us. Also, let us know what episodes you've been enjoying. You know, what was the episodes that you've been enjoying the most? Is it me and Audrey? Is it me without Audrey? Probably. That was a joke is it you know me interviewing people is it me reading the stories from the newsletters

um let us know what you've been enjoying the most and uh we will see you next time thank you so much everyone thank you audrey thank you everyone it was really fun be well and love life you