Love Life with Matthew Hussey - 269: Commitment Q&A with Matt, Audrey and Stephen!

Episode Date: October 23, 2024

This week Stephen sits down with Matt and Audrey to talk about all things commitment (including some questions about their own relationship!)  Topics include: Why people fear commitment Why choosing your partner feels so high stakes What makes sharing your life feel harder in 2024 Why we hold back emotionally Deciding if your standards are too high or too low How to know if you're compatible What flaws should you accept in a partner Whether you’re sick of superficial situationships or want to learn how to grow closer in your relationship, this is for you! ►► Discover the Biggest Reason Why People Struggle to Get Commitment, and How You Can Avoid “Relationship Limbo” Once and for All. Watch my FREE Masterclass, From Casual to Committed at → http://www.LoveLifeTraining.com ►► Order My New Book, "Love Life" at → http://www.LoveLifeBook.com ►► FREE Video Training: “Dating With Results” → http://www.DatingWithResults.com

Whenever I do a big live event, there are so many of you who say that you missed it. Is there somewhere I can watch the replay? Despite the fact that I usually mention it like a hundred times before it happens, there's always someone who is like, I didn't hear you mention it once and now it's over. Well, the big live event that I did on October the 22nd called Casual to Committed, all about commitment and how to find a committed relationship or get more commitment from someone you're already seeing. It happened. It was big. We had thousands of people and we now have a replay that is available just for a few days. You can watch it at lovelifereplay.com. Make sure if you didn't see it the first time around, you go watch it now before it disappears. lovelifereplay.com. People loved it on the day. You're going to love it now. Go check it out. Today's episode is continuing the conversation about how to find a committed relationship. What happens when we meet someone and they're not

everything we want? How do we make clearer decisions in our love lives? You're really going to enjoy it. We've got the whole gang together. It's Audrey Hussey here, Stephen Hussey. We're excited. We hope you are too. Enjoy this episode of Love Life. welcome to the love life i knew you were gonna do it you timed that perfectly how dare you welcome to the love life podcast with me matthew hussey audrey hussey and steven hussey that is a triple threat today we're in i'm having me guys i think

i look like a bit of a steve irwin character today you look like a sexy crocodile and steven's like that sort of seasoned nature videographer that's come to shoot the whole interaction all right okay for the people listening to audio this is going to make absolutely no sense well then they should also check the podcast out on youtube because the video footage will be there. It makes sense if you see our outfits. I'm sort of in, I look, I realized after I dressed, I look sort of ready for safari. Audrey's wearing green, what do you call them? Combat pants? Yeah, combat trousers. And Stephen's got the classic crew black tee on. Yeah, video crew. Yeah. Well, welcome everybody. What are we talking about today?

So I want to talk about commitment today and I want to talk about some key issues in commitment. Some of the big ones, it's no secret people come to us, they want to find a relationship. I want to talk about why does commitment feel so difficult in this dating time we're in? What are the kind of things you should look for or some of the things you should be okay with in a relationship? How do you know if you are committing to the right person essentially? Like should I stick on this choice or should I carry on looking? And just some of the things that make people feel very paralyzed and fearful in this area because it kind of always is, oh I'm dating, I'm out there, I'm having having fun here comes the bit where commitment needs to come in

and everything suddenly feels a lot more scary so i want to get your opinions and then i want to ask you guys a couple of things you've learned since being married about commitment nothing salacious but has it changed our opinions or yeah i want you guys to be able to share some of your insights some things you've learned anything's changed about what you used to say and what you now would say about commitment so should we take it from the top let's go let's do it so let's start with why people fear commitment or find it hard to commit today in 2024 what you know the landscape is there's dating apps there's lots of ways to meet people so why does everyone say it's so damn hard to find commitment god i think there's a lot of answers to that i the there's a lot of

perceived choice so that immediately you know i talked about it in a recent video is that idea of the big menu problem, that it feels like there are so many people out there that we could be choosing from. So that creates a level of anxiety about making the right choice. And if we're not experiencing a lot of choice ourselves, we still feel like we're encountering other people who have a lot of choice. And that might be the reason why they're not committing or why it's really hard for us to stand out. So even if you're not experiencing the big menu problem yourself you're encountering people who are on some level experiencing the big menu problem especially people who have a lot of choice and of course by the way lots of people feel like they have a lot of choice, even if they don't, or they're still being presented with every kind of human being on

a dating app. Even if they're not having success with them, it's still creating a standard for a lot of people that they feel that they're entitled to. And that can make your life more difficult if you're trying to get one of those people who has a standard and that standard is higher than you can possibly live up to. There's also the problem of our own internal lack of trust in our own decisions. You know, I think we're terrified of making the wrong choice. We're terrified of, you know, choosing the wrong person that we're going to be spending the rest of our lives with. What a hard choice to make.

You know, most of us are not great decision makers in general. So then when you apply that to one of the hardest decisions in some ways we'll ever make, or one of the, maybe not even the hardest, maybe one of the biggest decisions. It feels like one of those ones I need to get right. My career, relationship, where i live or something why is that why are relationships why do they feel higher stakes in every other area of our

lives because you know you come out of college university if you're british and you don't agonize over the decision of you know what internship you're going to do what job you're going to go into you kind of go oh well i'm interested in PR or I'm interested in law or I'm interested in whatever. So I'm just going to get the entry level job for this thing I'm interested in. And then 10 years later, you're probably still in that position. Although some people agonize over those things. Do they? Yeah. Interesting. Maybe. And I'm sure, but I think we're more, we're better decision makers when it comes to pretty much every single area of our lives but for some reason when it comes to relationships it's just

like it feels so much more high stakes than everything else why why is that well I mean there are people out there who say I think who who says who have I heard recently say like this who you choose as your partner is the most important decision you'll ever make i think lots of people did scott galloway say something like that recently he said it's the most important financial decision you'll ever make is who you choose as your life partner which is interesting right because i i i think i understand scott's content well enough to know that he's not just talking about like you know the the crude side of that of you know the right person will treat you well in a divorce and the wrong piece of person will ruin you he's also talking about i think

actually even more so scott is referring to how much the right person the support of that person the love of that person having that champion having that great partner along the way can actually motivate you it can make you more successful it can give you a stable base from which to strike in your life i thought he meant because the you know and i i don't do this i definitely do this you know they won't order as many amazon packages and just spend a lot of money on things that instagram advertises to them yeah audrey is like the whenever you think of like who's the target market on instagram it's basically audrey for everything because every day there's some new thing that arrives at the house some weird little but my new alarm

clock looks great and i'm very excited to try it tonight new alarm clock little things you put on your head at night when we go to sleep earmuffs no we have this joke sorry i'm off on a very quick tangent we have this joke because you know like the whole uh when you first started dating her she looked like this and then those memes and then now she looks like that right like i go to sleep with like my heatless curlers on and i have my led light sometimes and i have my like all sorts of strange things and i sometimes i turn to matt and i'm like this has really got to stop hasn't it because you've gone full 80s mum sort of look yeah i used to wake up it's like when she's got her mask on as well it's like if i was dating a

female hannibal lecter from the 80s wow i know it's so mean but i was joking about the fact that i used to like literally wake up early to put on lip gloss and get back into bed and pretend that i'd woken up like that and now i'm just those were the days falling asleep with my days i know but you know i didn't know people actually did that but there you go oh yeah i will get a picture for you at some point steven but the the reality is that it is one of the biggest decisions we will ever make and it does have far-reaching consequences for our life i think people feel the weight of that and a lot of us don't trust ourselves, you know, in these areas. You know, we haven't necessarily successfully made ourselves happy before. You know, we tried dating someone, it didn't work out, or we weren't happy, or we were constantly unsure of ourselves.

You know, we got it really wrong. A lot of people don't trust their decision-making in this area because they don't see themselves as having made great choices in the past. So, you know, I think all of these things have something to do with it. And then if you factor in as well, the just, the baseline addiction to novelty that so many of us have now where we cannot sit still we can't sit and focus on anything it extends to everything in our lives that a lot of people find it really hard to sit and read a book these days like really hard painfully hard and i'm not talking about people who don't read i'm talking about people who historically do read who are finding in their lives right now, it's really, really difficult to sit down and read a book.

Yeah, we've been trained to not have that kind of attention span. Yeah, I saw an app that lets you, not even an app, an object that lets you lock your phone up and time it for two hours. And it locks it in a box. That was shown to me on Instagram. Wow. And it locks it in a box for two hours so you can read.

I would have definitely bought that. There you go. But I think we have to start realizing that that's happening a lot for us in love too. Is the thing that makes it hard for us to sit down and read a book is the same thing that makes it hard for us to sit still with one person and truly get to know them on a deeper level and invest time and energy past the novelty phase. Do you think there's also a sense where you hear all these stats about how much more people spend time alone these days and there's these graphs that show more men are virgins for longer and more and more people have indoor hobbies

streaming video games etc do you even do the thing where it's it's suddenly quite scary the idea like we're used to not sharing a lot like we get our own time our space i get to go hide away and then the idea of like i have to let someone into all of that. It's quite, it's quite scary if you have not been used to sharing your life. Whereas I think maybe back in the day, it was just an assumed more natural, bigger families, spending time together, people around. In a way, people live, are used to being more isolated now. Well, yeah, we're very individualistic. We set our lives up exactly how we want them. And the idea of like someone coming in and I'm having to reshape my routines and my habits and they don't go to bed at the same time as me.

And we have different eating habits and, you you know like we like to spend our weekends slightly differently they want to go out and do things i want to sit and read or like it's there's all those differences that i think create tension and when we're not used to having to manage those tensions because that's what like any if you think about families right we've most people have had some kind of family experience where they you had to work out the tensions around the table you had to figure out what it was like to all be in the same house but the more we got away from that the more we created our kind of ideal version of how we want to live every day and the there's almost this like return like a relationship in some sense hopefully it's a return to a more healthy version than some of us had

as families growing up but there's hope there's there's some kind of a return to compromise right a return to sacrifice a return to getting used to what it's actually like to manage your space your emotions and people may not even be used to just showing the real them right you can show whatever you want of yourself online on a dating app you can show what you want and then you've got to actually relate to a specific person and show them all your private world you know that's like I think some people aren't used to having to show the uglier parts of themselves I wonder whether so many of us struggle to connect in relationships because we are not, we are only showing a certain percentage of ourselves. So let's say maybe 80%, 70%, sometimes even maybe 90% if we know we can get there. But that piece of us that we hold back is actually the barrier to truly feeling connected with somebody.

You know, we're not necessarily being really authentic these days all the time and i wonder whether that lack of authenticity just stops us from really letting our guards down and allowing ourselves to truly connect with another person you know sometimes when you know when you see on dating apps people being too ironic and or on social media too much irony i always think those people are gonna find it hard in a way to properly connect with someone because everything is there's a sense of like super self-awareness about everything to the extent like you're always like deciding what you can actually show, what you can't.

How honest can I be? What's cringe to be? It's cringe to be like that. And I often when I see those on TikTok or anything, I think that person's going to have a struggle because, you may love the idea that you would be loved for who you are, but at what point do you really start? We all have a kind of a version of ourselves that we feel like has the potential to scare someone away. away and that's the part we keep locked up for as long as possible until it comes out usually because someone did something that hurt our feelings or made us jealous or made us afraid and then that part maybe just leaks out in that moment it's not like we even chose to share it we just kind of something got the better of us and then we feel terrified that we let it out because now it's like oh my god you now saw this part of me you saw the less composed part of me you saw a whole different

side of my personality and then it's really scary so are you Audrey saying that that stuff we should more proactively bring it forward and how do you know when it's too soon because you're like well someone doesn't want to see all of my crazy like this early on in the process yeah it's the balance I think you shouldn't no one should receive the advice that you know those those parts of us should be like date to like because also people don't need to know I always think information is power and the way you're projecting yourself on a date you don't want someone who doesn't have good intentions to have that much information about your weaknesses actually because you don't know how they're going to use it against you

so I think that you have to be guarded to an extent I just think that it's worth but like keeping in our minds as the relationships progress you know are we really being our authentic selves are we really being vulnerable not fake vulnerable are we are we actually showing parts of ourselves that are not as shiny or not that amazing or not that interesting but are also very real to us and are we kind of owning those unashamedly? Because that's also very attractive. And I think also we creating enough of an, like a sort of safe enough environment for the other person to do so also, because we all have our stuff.

We all have our habits, our ways of being that we think are just not nice and not attractive and whatever. And if you can meet someone where you can accept their habits and you can accept their flaws and you. And if you can meet someone where you can accept their habits and you can accept their flaws and you can accept, you know, the things that aren't so special about them. Um, I think that also is a very, very powerful thing, but I think we have to lead by example. It's all about leadership, right? In this kind of scenario,

it's what kind of person do I want the other person to be in this relationship and I'm going to do it first in order to instigate them doing it back with me yeah it's what kind of what atmosphere do you want to create what culture do you want to create around you I always think it's the same when like as a speaker you step on stage or when you're part of a panel on stage like we were on a panel together recently and it's very easy in that environment to get up and just be like what's the most impressive thing i could do or say how do you know the the bravado and and there's also a way to set the tone from the beginning of complete humility and making the audience or the people that, whether it's a thousand people or 30 people, almost bringing them in on a level of just, we're all people, aren't we? It's interesting because no one wants to hear you necessarily as a speaker get up and just bleed on the stage you know they if you're there you're there because people came to see you in some

capacity so they don't want you to get up there and say that your life is a mess and you don't know what to do and it's just you know what do I next? They want you to kind of almost be in control and to have a kind of confidence. But if you can combine that feeling of being in control of yourself with the ability to share about yourself it almost I almost see it as like I don't know if this is the right way of saying it but it's like I'm fucked up but I've got this you know that kind of feeling like I've got or like this that I'm working on, but I've got this. That duality, I think, is really, really powerful. Because then even if you hear someone that you relate to,

that you think, oh, they're like me, but I'm also in good hands. This may not be that relevant, but it kind of is. Bruce Springsteen said, I'll never forget this, he said, as a performer, he said, the audience wants to simultaneously be surprised and be made to feel at home and that's a kind of call he was talking about when you go out and you do concerts they want to feel at home they want to hear you do the songs that make them feel like you know what you know

this is bruce but they also want to be surprised they also want to feel something exciting or unexpected that's that's literally like that in dating it's and that's what i mean it's like the vulnerability the ability to bring your humanity forward is what makes someone feel at home your particular way of owning your flaws of being in control of you know your whatever your kind of superpowers are that's where you have the potential to surprise and delight somebody which one of you was vulnerable first me you so matt was playing matt was playing like a cool guy role for longer then oh different question you were vulnerable in liking me but not i wouldn't say were you more vulnerable in showing yourself i don't know

yeah i don't know i actually you were definitely vulnerable in showing interest yeah well i was very like open about the fact that i was on a relationship i liked you and it wasn't i wasn't embarrassed to admit that but i don't know i think we were both pretty like cool girl cool guy in the beginning yeah yeah yeah i do i definitely was i was like yeah you know well i don't i'm just very cool and then yeah it was curlers and hannibal lecter face mask so let's talk about choosing the right person i think i know from doing coaching on this for years we hear from so many people who there's that elephant in the room always always is like do i have the the right standards? Should I raise them higher or should

I be more compromising and forgiving? And there's kind of this battle always, right? Between like, people's standards are too high, people are too low and they're accepting bad treatment. So what if someone is with someone and they're like, some people tell us they're like 80% is right, maybe like 90%, but there might be a 10% that really like hurts them or cause a problem. Or they just think this is really on my mind and I'm not sure if this is, I should commit fully to this person. Like, I'm not sure. I think there's a distinction that's really important to make because we, there are certain things that we should have high standards about universally.

So we should have high standards for kindness. We should have high standards for acceptance. How much, you know, how much someone accepts us. We should have high standards for being respected. You know, our bodies, our time, our emotions, our hearts. These are things around which we should have high standards. We should have high standards for integrity, right? Is someone who they say they are, do they do what they say they're going to do? Or do they constantly break their word? Do they constantly show bad character? Like these are areas where everyone should have high standards. Then there are areas where it's not so

universal because we're talking now about personal tastes. Like to me, kindness shouldn't really be about personal taste. Kindness is just something we should all value if we want a good life. Because if you want a happy relationship, you're going to need someone who's kind. If you ever, God forbid, are no longer in that relationship and you have to break up, you're going to want that person to have been someone who was kind. Right? Lack of kindness goes badly. Then there's the way they look.

That's subjective and that's tastes. There's, you know, how tall they are or what level their sex drive is or someone might be more ambitious than the other and someone might be more you know type a how much they choose to work like sociability yeah how much they like to get out of the house these are areas where there's not necessarily a right and wrong. There's just what's right for you. And I make that distinction because there's a lot of people who, when they're talking about something that, you know, should I just, you know,

they're most of what I want, but not all of what I want. When the thing that they're not is kind or a person of integrity um or a person who cares or a person who accepts you if they're not those things you're not missing 10 you're missing a hundred percent of what you need to be happy there's other things where if you're missing that thing, you're missing 10%. Okay, but what if it's to do with core values? Like, you know, political views or even like, I'm really interested in having intellectual conversations

about these subjects. And you, you know, have you ever had people who say to you like, oh, wow, I never thought of that before you think really deeply and then you didn't really ask them a very deep question and you just think oh we'll never be close because I will never feel at home with you like those I think are core values and things and things that you really really value in a person what about those because they don't really fall in either category, in my opinion. I think that this is where knowing ourself becomes really, really important. Not everyone cares immensely about having an intellectual connection.

Some people will be in a relationship and they'll be like, I have my friends for that. I have people that I, you know, my mentors, I have all sorts of other people in my life where I get that itch scratched. I don't need my partner to be that. I need them to care. I need them to be someone who doesn't like hate entertaining those interests of mine on occasion and is willing to, but they don't need to have read the same books as me. And they don't need to have all the same opinions as me. And they don't even need to care about you know we we don't need to look at something together and they can have really intelligent commentary on that painting that we just saw even if I do they need to just be someone who can humor me a little bit in my

interests of those on those things now if you have very deep political views about something and you're with someone whose views are so diametrically opposed to yours that you can't even respect them like it goes to the heart of you being able to respect that person you can't respect those views and you can't respect, fully respect the person who has them. Then that's a problem. I mean, there are people who are together who have very,

you know, you get people who are together who have completely different political views or religious views or religious views, but what they have, this is where things get really interesting because what they have underneath those views is the same core values and you know you you're you believe in this religion i believe in this one but the heart of it we're both incredibly loving people then that can work or a democrat and i'm a republican and we actually have the same heart

but we have think there are very different ways of fixing the same problem then our strategies are different but underneath it maybe we want the same thing but then you get versions of that where it's like we don't at our core on a values level we do not speak the same language and that's when the differences in the more superficial identity level the strategy are it's not just a problem on that level of how do we fix the problem it's a problem of we don't even agree on what the problem is. We don't even agree on our values around the problem. That's such a good distinction. We can spend our whole lives circling this idea of who's right for us. You know, can I, can it work with this person? Should I commit to this person?

Should I stay with this person or should I leave? It's very easy to run out the clock on our entire lives asking these questions. And in many ways, that's the biggest danger for us. I think the biggest danger is not that we make a wrong decision. The biggest danger is that we run out the clock on our entire lives, either stuck somewhere, always debating it or standing on the sidelines, always debating whether to get involved. And that indecision actually unites a lot of people when it comes to their love lives. We, it would seem as though the person who's standing there constantly questioning whether anyone is good enough has nothing in common with the person who's years into a relationship who is unhappy. But actually there is something that there's a thread between those two people and it's indecision.

One slipped into a relationship a long time ago and is still questioning whether they should be there and the other person never got into one and is questioning you know which relationship to choose what i think and i say this humbly because i know it's actually really really hard but what i think that we do have to get better at is making decisions, even if the decisions we make are to get us to a decision. So if you've been on a date with someone and you're like questioning, should I go on another date with them or should I this, should I that? Just go on another date with them or should I this, should I that? Just go on another date with them. Go on another date and get involved in a different activity with them. Do something different than you did last time.

And see if anything shifts for you or if you remain just as ambiguous. And fine, if you remain just as ambiguous, don't see them again. But do that instead of constantly deliberating from the sidelines. Yeah. If you've been seeing someone and you're like, oh, I just don't know. Should I, you know, should I give it a go or should I not? Well, I don't know. Maybe give yourself a month and be like, I'm actually going to just see this.

I'm going to stop seeing everyone else. And I'm going to see only this person for a month and be like, I'm actually going to just see this. I'm going to stop seeing everyone else. And I'm going to see only this person for a month. And I'm going to see if anything shifts for me. I'm going to see if anything changes. I'm going to share more of myself with them than I have been. Because maybe I haven't even really given this person a chance to know me. So I don't even know if this person does really connect with me or accept me on any deeper level because I haven't really shown them much. What happens if I do? What happens if I get more curious about them? Or it might even be, you know, having a conversation with a friend or someone that you wouldn't normally ask for advice about a person you're seeing. Hey, I'm struggling with this. What, you know, how did you make a decision? How did you decide to be with the person you're seeing. Hey, I'm struggling with this. What, you know, how did you make a decision?

How did you decide to be with the person you're with? And maybe they say something that shifts you, but at least at that point you've spoken about it. Or if you're in a long-term relationship with someone and you've been seeing them for a couple of years and you find yourself torturing yourself every day with, is this the right person or not? Maybe you say to yourself, I'm going to give this six months where I give myself permission to just lean in to this relationship without questioning it. And that doesn't mean being

passive, by the way. It might mean we're going to go to therapy because there's like things that are constant sources of friction for us. So what would I do if I was earnestly trying to make this relationship work? If I was sincere in my effort to make it work, we would go and do therapy. I would spend quality time with them. I would really try to work on the things that affect them or I, and I would much more clearly communicate the things that I need them to do that would help me. You know, what are all the things you would do if you were actually trying to make it work? And you say, I'm going to give myself six months of not questioning this relationship, and at the end of six months, I'll take the real temperature of this. That's a

real decision. By the way, the decision, if you just stay in a place of ambivalence of questioning things that's another decision that you're making a decision even if you don't call it that you're making a decision to sit back and not go one way or the other so that's still a decision and it's a decision that has consequences it's not that the con there's consequences to leaving and there's consequences to staying and going all in no there's consequences to leaving and there's consequences to staying and going all in. No, there's consequences to just kicking it down the road too. I remember someone once saying to me that leadership was all about making a decision. And then if that decision is the wrong decision, you make a new decision to correct your last decision.

But you always move forward yeah and that kind of speaks to what you're saying i think it's it's really powerful as a as a framework i love that tony tony soprano who said more is lost in indecision than in wrong decisions very true i'm not saying he would be a role model but there's a truth to that statement. And by the way, if your response to the idea for the next six months of going to therapy and leaning into the relationship and giving it all you've got in order to find out, which in the context of a multi-year relationship, isn't that big of a sacrifice. It's a big sacrifice if you think I'm going to start a brand new one. But if you've already been in it for many years and now you're trying to

figure out whether to stay or go, giving it six months of going all in, not the end of the world. At least you'd have some clarity in six months instead of running down the clock on another three years. If you're hearing this right now, doub doubting someone and my saying doing all of like lean in and do all of those things it makes you roll your eyes and go i just can't well then you already have a decision like you already know you have the ick you can't like if you don't want to put in that effort and do it you already left you're just not you just haven't told the person yeah and you haven't really been honest with yourself but either way make a conscious decision for me i can remember a point where i made a real decision to go all in on our relationship.

And that was the moment that things started to really change for me in ways that I hadn't experienced in my own love life before. Because I fell into situations and I was almost like a passenger. I feel like I was a passenger in my love life for so much, for so many different situations and relationships. And that was to the detriment of me. It was to the detriment of anyone that I came across, you know, hurt other people because you, when you're a passenger, you're passive. You're not actually making a decision to do anything. And there's, I know there'll be a lot of people listening to this podcast right now where you, you are dating a passenger.

They may not call themselves a passenger, but they're a passenger. They're not making any kind of a decision. They're just going along with the feeling they're having. They're just unconsciously doing it right now because it feels good, but then there's no decision anywhere. And commitment, make no mistake, commitment is a decision. You're not a passenger in commitment. You're not a passenger in just in building a big business. At some point you decide I'm going to build a business. You're not a passenger in a great relationship. At some point you say I'm going to proactively build a great relationship. I'm going to commit. And a lot of people I think are very confused right now because you think you're dating someone who's making decisions and you're actually dating a

passenger. And then you get frustrated and confused and infuriated when you find that the time comes to actually like commit or make a decision or say it's you and me, we're a partner, we're a team. You're my girlfriend, you're my boyfriend, you're my husband, you're my wife. Whatever level we're talking about, it's infuriating to find out you don't actually have someone who is making decisions. You have someone who is just a passenger for a feeling. And I can relate to being that for a lot of my life until I made a decision to actually go, you know what? I'm going to give this my all. This idea is personal to me because I know that I spent a lot of my life not making decisions in this area. And you can spend your whole life as a passenger, always just going from one relationship to the

next, casually dating, never really making a conscious decision to go all in with somebody. And this is one of the things we talked about yesterday when we did the big event was what can you do to get someone out of passenger mode and into decision mode where they're actually making a decision to commit, a decision to go all in. For anyone who missed it, by the way, the link is lovelifereplay.com. We are airing a replay for a short amount of time for anyone who missed it. Go check it out while it's still available. It's not going to be available forever. It is lovelifereplay.com. Go check that out. If you've enjoyed this episode, you're really going to enjoy that because this is a a real structured training

that i did on this subject live for many thousands of people all at the same time so go check that out and we'll do more on this as well because this is you know i know people want to hear about this stuff for sure all right fantastic thank you audrey thank Thank you, Stephen. Thank you. Thank you. I love the passenger stuff. You've got Hannibal Lecter as your little passenger. She's not a passenger. Right, that's the point. Neither of you are passengers. Right, that's the point you were making? Yeah.

Okay. Thank you so much for listening, everybody. It has been a pleasure of ours. We've really enjoyed making this episode. Hope you for listening everybody it has been a pleasure of ours we've really enjoyed making this episode hope you enjoyed listening to it and uh well we'll see you next time be well love life and see you soon Bye.