Love Life with Matthew Hussey - 3 Reasons Why He Wont Commit And What You Can Do Rewind

Episode Date: January 11, 2026

Does it sometimes feel like men are afraid of commitment? You could be dating someone for a few months—and have a ton of chemistry and a great emotional connection—and yet, like clockwork, you hit a wall the moment the relationship gets to a stage where it feels like it should be progressing to the next level. Just when you start to feel that this could be something real, he puts his guard up and isn’t ready to commit.Situations like these can be unbelievably painful, and they can leave you feeling crazy as you analyze the situation to death, wondering if you’re somehow not good enough.Well, in this brand-new episode, I’ll share with you 3 of the main reasons why a lot of men are afraid of commitment and what you can do to turn things around by circumventing those fears.---►► Find the Beautiful & LASTING Relationship You Want. Watch My Masterclass, From Casual to Committed for FREE: GetCommitment.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We put a post on Instagram asking men, why don't you want to commit? Here were some of the comments that men made. Travel and treasures said, I'm scared of losing my freedom, which is a very apt comment from travel and treasures. Adrian says loss of independence and loss of self-identity over time. Harris says, I always feared that the other person will completely take away my me time. Dennis says the fear of losing out to a better relationship yet to come by committing fully to this person. If she will stay with me in bad times, for example, less income from the business.

Lots of different reasons. I, it's funny, we had written a kind of format for this video here. Three reasons why men are afraid of commitment. And of course there's more than three, but we were like, if there were three really big ones, what would they be? And the comments we got from men in response to that post on Instagram exactly correlated with what we had for this video. Here goes, three reasons why men are afraid of commitment, and in each case, what can you do to circumvent that fear?

Number one, the fear that I will make the wrong choice. Now, this is a fear borne out of the feeling that the stakes are so high. And of course, they are high. The choosing of a right partner is one of the most important decisions that we will ever make. And we are indoctrinated with that. People are indoctrinated with the idea that this is incredibly special. Marriage is so special. It's so important. It's so big. And even if you have been told over and over again that marriage is scary, then the idea of marriage being scary and a giant commitment and something that can go horribly wrong, is the stakes yet higher because you're terrified that this already really difficult and scary thing is going to be made hellish if I make the wrong choice. So when we think about who's going to be our confidant, best friend, our lover, our roommate for the rest of our life, that feels like a very big decision. And that can create a kind of decision paralysis, this idea that I can't make a decision in case I get it wrong. Or what if another person that's better,

comes along. There's that optimization that can find its way into our love lives in a really unproductive way, always thinking that might be someone better, someone more attractive, someone with even more of the qualities I want, even if the person that I'm with has some great qualities that I want. And that keeps us in this perpetual state of self-doubt, of not trusting our own decision-making. So what can you do about that? I think one of the really interesting pieces of psychology around relationships is that to me the myth is the idea that love at first sight, love at first sight is this great myth that we're supposed to meet someone, know that they're the one, and then we invest in them because they're the one. And I think that often it works the other way

round. You meet someone. Yes, they have a lot of the qualities that you really want in a person. Yes, there is some initial chemistry. But then they become the one by what you invest in them and by what they invest in you. You create something special because you build it to The problem is, if you're so fixated on worrying about whether someone is the right person, you never actually invest enough to get past the tipping point of feeling like you've got something incredibly special on your hands. And questions early on in dating that are to the effect of what are we? Where is this going long term? Are we in a relationship? Can sometimes immediately raise the stakes of a situation in a way that stops someone from investing to begin with. So how do you get around that? I think of it like bringing someone in through the shallow end of the pool, where they can paddle and get their feet wet and just get acclimatized to the temperature of the water. They can feel the benefits of a relationship. They can experience the feeling of being close to someone. I'm not suggesting, by the way, that you do this in the context of not being exclusive. But what I am saying is when you're

you're with someone, you can say to them, especially if they're showing resistance to a relationship, you can say, look, I don't know where we're going to be in six months. I don't know if you're going to be right for me ultimately, and you don't know if I'm going to be right for you. I could leave you. Who knows? But what I know is that I like you enough and I think that this is interesting enough that I want to actually give it a shot and see where it could go. But if you're not on the same page as that. If you're not willing to do that with me, then there's no point in me continuing to give my time and energy and attention to this. And what that says to someone is, hey, we're not signing a contract for the rest of our lives right now. Either of us have a way out

if we want. It's okay if later on you do, you can even say that to someone. It's okay if later on, you decide that it's not right for you. But it would be such a shame if either of us decided that having not actually given it a real shot. That allows someone to commit. to the situation right now, to the relationship right now, without thinking that that means they have to make their mind up for their whole future. Of course, later down the line, you're going to want to see progression. But right now, what it does is it gives someone the opportunity to actually experience how amazing this relationship is in a way that can actually have them tipping over into, well, this is it. This is the thing that I want. But I only got to that realization by actually giving my all to it.

And the only reason I gave my all to it is because the person I'm with lowered the stakes of the initial decision. The second male fear around commitment is that I will lose myself. Now, this comes in many forms. Losing ourself can feel like just losing all of our time. It can feel like losing the activities that we really enjoy doing, the hobbies that we love doing, the friends that we love seeing, all of the, even just the me time as it was put in the Instagram comments to that post. And we're afraid that someone's going to come in and they're going to take those things from us.

They're going to take who we are from us. I know some of the men in the comments wrote about the masculinity that they felt they would lose if they lost control over making certain decisions in their life. If they felt like somebody else was suddenly calling all of the shots, if they felt like they had to go and ask permission for everything from that point forward. Or I know a lot of men are afraid that they're going to get into a relationship where the other person is the one who is very much. in control and the man suddenly starts pandering or trying to supplicate to this person

because they've made her so important and put her on such a pedestal that they then lose themselves in that situation. So it's just easier not to get into the situation in the first place. We're all afraid on some level, men and women, by the way, but we're all afraid that there's some essential part of ourselves that we will lose in the process. Now, what can you do about this. One of the most generous and beautiful and calming things you can do for somebody is to first listen, listen to what's important to them. What things do they really enjoy? What little routines do they have that are important to them? It could be time with his friends. It could be that you know that he needs time with his friends. And so you actually encourage that time with his friends.

You actually go do that. You haven't seen them all week. Go hang out with them. You should go and see this person or go have fun. Giving him space. You know, you go do your stuff so that he can go do his stuff. Having your independence is something that allows someone to have their independence. A huge part of this is listening and a huge part of it is anticipating someone's needs, anticipating someone's desires, what they want, what allows them to feel like them. And when someone feels you're doing that, they feel safe knowing that they can give the best of themselves to the relationship, but they also get to hold on to the parts of themselves.

and their lives that they really loved when they were on their own. The third big male fear around commitment, you are gonna fuck me. But not in the way I like. This basically boils down to the idea that we can't trust the person in front of us. And there are many male fears that relate to not being able to trust somebody. There's fears around money, you know, that what I've created or what I've built in my life,

is that going to be safe or is that suddenly going to be taken from me if things go wrong? There's fears around having a family that they didn't want or weren't ready for. There's fears around, is this person going to change in the course of the relationship, especially once I've made a major commitment? Are they all of a sudden going to show me who they actually are? Tadda! Here's who you were with all along. It was all a dance, it was all a jig.

Is it gonna be that? Or am I in front of someone who actually is a teammate, who is what they present to me, and who if, God forbid, shit hits the fan, is gonna be a person of class and character when that happens. There are, that I could write a whole program on how to show this kind of character.

I have in fact written a whole program on this kind of stuff called attraction to commitment. I'm not here to talk about that today. but this is really deep stuff. Because in the beginning of dating, our character is one of the things that makes people feel truly safe around us, like they can trust us. And what are the things that show character? What are the things that show integrity? It could be as simple as how they see us treat our friends or how they see us talk about our friends.

Do we gossip about our friends? Or do we reveal our friend's secrets? My friend said never to tell anyone this. Do we do that? Do we talk horribly of our exes and reveal their secrets and things they never would have wanted reaching the light of day? Are we someone who contributes? I'm a big believer, Jameson, in paying for dinner on the third date. If you haven't paid for the first two, pay for the third one. That was kind of the whole essence of the who should pay video back in the day. The whole idea of that was when someone can see that you're a teammate, they trust you, they trust you. Or it could

be an offhand comment about the fact that you think it's mad that people, certain people you know, go into a relationship expecting the person that they're with to fund their lifestyle. And they don't think that's appropriate. They don't think that's respectful to the person they're with. It could be a comment about marriage and how you would never want to be in a marriage where the passion wanes or the sex stops because that's super important to you. All of these things tell someone, hey, who I am today is who I'm going to continue being. Hey, the things that are important to you, long term are important to me long term. Hey, if things go wrong, I'm going to be a really big and wonderful person in that moment, even if there's hurt feelings. In other words, you can trust

me. I'm a person of character. And when we feel like we're with a person of character, the stakes don't feel quite so high on actually moving forward with someone and trusting them. Thanks for listening, everybody. And before you leave, if you are struggling with commitment right now because you feel like no one wants to commit or worse no one wants to commit to you and you always feel like the person before the person they end up with, I have something for you. It is called from casual to committed. It is a completely free training that gives you highly practical tried and tested advice for not only attracting the right people who are ready, but also doing the right things that make people commit to you. Go check it out right now

at get commitment.com. Like I said, this is free, but it is incredibly valuable, incredibly helpful, and it will change the way you date. That link again is getcommitment.com. Go check it out now, and I'll see you in the next episode of Love Life.