Love Life with Matthew Hussey - 3 Ways to Keep Attraction Alive

Episode Date: August 5, 2016

There’s nothing quite like the thrill of “the chase.” When you’re just starting out dating someone new, attraction is at an all-time high and you can’t get enough of each other. But is there any way to recapture some of that excitement and keep the attraction alive long-term? That’s what our caller, Tori, wants to know. In today’s episode of LOVE Life, I reveal 3 ways to keep a relationship fresh and sexy no matter how long you’ve been together. Hint: one of my tips is the reason why certain playful couples in their 80s are still together…

Welcome to Love Life. I'm your host, Matthew Hussey. Now, here's a secret about men that most women don't realize. Men really want to feel manly around you. If you know how to make him feel like a man, he'll want to be around you day and night. So how do you do this? I'm going to give you my five most powerful phrases for making him feel manly around you right after we get into today's topic. Oh, you love when we have callers. I do too. It gets real.

We get to give honest advice. So caller, are you there? I am here. Hello. What's your name? My name is Tori. So what did you want to ask? I wanted to ask you, I've been dating my boyfriend for 10 months now and I often struggle with how do I keep, you know, remain a chase or keep the attraction alive? So the key question is this,

and it's a very, very good one, Tori. I'm glad you're asking it because many people get into a relationship and assume that the work is all done. Yes. The real key thing is this. If the chase, the part where we were trying to get each other was really exciting and now we have each other, how do we continue that excitement now that we have each other? Because I can't just keep inventing scenarios where this person doesn't have me and then gets me. There are a couple of ways of looking at this. Now, the first one is just in your mind to always remember this, that even though we get into a relationship and we say, I'm yours, you're mine, and so on, the reality of any relationship is that we should always be looking to invest in our partners and to

show them how great we are because nothing is ever certain, right? We know this. We know people leave relationships all the time because someone else doesn't meet their standards. And so if you start from that mindset, you realize, you know what? Actually, the idea that we're fixed in this relationship and nothing can change is an illusion. It's something that lazy people buy into as an idea instead of saying, you know what, the truth is that either one of us could leave any day. And in order to not prevent that from happening, but in order to create a relationship that someone would want to stay in every day, I need to keep investing and I need to make this relationship great. And if you have that in your mind, you'll also know that he has to do the same. And it's a great thing to subtly communicate that to him that you do expect him to always want to improve the relationship and that you're willing to lead the charge there. You're willing to do that first, but you're actually do to maintain attraction in a relationship? Well, one thing you can do is show that you're continuously growing.

So how does someone grow? What do you think a key way is that someone might grow? There are a bunch, so there's no wrong answer to this. I'd say bettering yourself in all different areas. Like I love to learn. I'm athletic. So I'd say just keeping up on those things and being excited about life and what I love to do and being passionate. You're 100% right.

Just getting good at things, just learning new skill sets, just really trying to squeeze every drop out of life is absolutely one way to grow. And when you're doing that, someone else will look at you and they'll be inspired. They'll see that you're someone who will bring their game up in life. Because when you're with someone who is passionate about life and gives their all to life and wants to learn new things, it becomes slightly infectious. And you want that for yourself as well. So now you start saying, God, I can learn from this person. This person can teach me something. And this isn't about growing in all areas so that you don't care about your relationship as much. You actually have more to give to your relationship if you maintain your strength and your confidence in the other

areas of it. Isn't it true that when you come back from doing something you're passionate about or when you come back from working out or any of those things, you feel more confident and in control and sexier when you come back to your man? Isn't that true? A hundred percent. Yes. So when you feel more like that, you come back and you're feeling great. You're feeling, you either are excited about life. You can't wait to tell him about something. You can't wait to have sex with him because you feel sexy. Whatever it is, you feel good about those things.

And he goes, wow, I'm really with a great woman here. I'm with someone really cool. But when we let all those things slip, it starts to kill attraction. And we must resist the temptation because it's very, very sad. Trust me, I've been there many, many times where I get into a relationship and six months in, I realize, wow, I've been doing none of the things that make me feel attractive. And now I'm relying solely on this person to make me feel attractive. And the moment that's true, that person will realize that you don't feel attractive independently. And then you become less attractive because they think, wow, what, you know, what was really cool about this person? They were self-sufficient. And when I came along, it was like they were choosing me, even though their life was so great.

Now I'm six months or a year into a relationship. I don't feel like they're choosing me. I feel like they need me because there's nothing else in their life anymore. And that's when someone loses attraction. So just keep doing all of the great things you do. I can hear it in your voice that you're someone who loves life, that you're someone who's ready to do all of this, right? So don't give up on all of those things. Keep doing all of the things that make you sexy. Keep doing all of the things that make you feel like you're passionate about life and you're learning new things. And when I'm not saying be uncompromising, right? I'm not saying that he says to you, you know, babe, let's just stay in and watch a movie tonight. And you're like, no, I'm going out with my friends. I'm not

doing what you want to do. I'm not saying that, right? You have a balanced, wonderful relationship. If you really like someone, you'll make sacrifices of course you will but all i'm saying is on the average don't lose all of those things that make you great and always take it with a grain of salt when someone says you don't need to do any of those things you don't need to go stop going to the gym i don't care but always take it with a grain of salt because very often we say those things to someone because we genuinely in that moment we love them and we care about, you know, we don't want them to feel like they have to do that to please us. But that doesn't mean that it's not attractive to us when they do things that make them happy. That makes sense. Makes a lot of sense. All right. Well, Tori, what a pleasure. Thank you so much for calling in.

Thank you so much for calling in. Thank you so much for taking my call. You're very welcome. And it's a great, great question. I know you will have benefited so many other women and men by bringing it up. So take care. Keep growing. And remember, by the way, in a relationship, one of the great keys is to never, ever stop flirting with your partner. I don't care if you've been in a relationship six months or 20 years. Don't ever stop flirting with your partner. I don't care if you've been in a relationship six months or 20 years, don't ever stop flirting with your partner. You know, you see those old couples and they still flirt with each other and you can tell they still have that little spark because

he's still pinching her bum and she's still looking over at him with these little suggestive eyes and you think they're 85. They're still flirting with each other. That's why they're still together. You know that feeling? Yep. I've seen it. Always keep that. All right, Tori, look after yourself. And thank you, everyone, for listening.

If you're not on my Facebook page right now, go there right now and like it so that you get all of the latest updates from us. It's facebook.com forward slash coach Matthew Hussey. I'll speak to you soon. So we started off today talking about the power of making a man feel manly around you. But how do you do this? It can be challenging to strike the balance so that you don't sound patronizing when you do this, which is why I've carefully crafted five perfect phrases that you can say to any man that will make him feel like his best self around you.

To download these five phrases, just go to lovelifepodcast.com forward slash compliments.