Love Life with Matthew Hussey - 34: How to Be Brave in Love After You’ve Been Hurt

Episode Date: July 1, 2020

Have you ever been hurt badly by someone in love? Those wounds can stay with us a long time. They can stop us from taking chances again in love. They can make us afraid of getting close to someone again… Afraid of being vulnerable again… Afraid of letting someone in… Because if the result of letting our guard down and choosing to love someone is that we give up all of our power, then why bother, right? Sure, we may be giving up the special experience of being in love, but at least we don’t have to experience those dreadful lows. If you can relate to this, today’s episode is for you. You’ll hear me doing a live demonstration with someone who is going through exactly this issue. And what I tell her may be exactly the words you need to hear right now. This isn’t isn’t a pep talk. It’s a rational, practical strategy for how to navigate your love life after someone has hurt you, or broken your heart or your trust (or all 3). ►► Be Brave and Invest in Love Again. To Learn How, Download Your FREE Guide… → http://www.3SecretsToLove.com 

🎵 Thank you so much for calling in. What was your question, Christine? So I always open up myself and I'm very vulnerable. But as soon as they try to take action and they show that they care back, I start to pull away and I start to not want to commit. Even though consciously I want to. And I don't know if it's a subconscious thing and I keep making excuses. What are you afraid of? That he's going to hurt me and what happened last time is going to happen again.

And what happened last time is going to happen again. And what happened last time? I was completely committed and I put too much of myself into the relationship when he wasn't giving enough back. And I just don't want that to happen again. So let me ask you a question, Christine. What lesson did you learn from that relationship? What did you take the lesson to be from that time that you got hurt? What did it teach you?

Did it teach you? A healthy relationship, like give and take. And I shouldn't give way more than I get back. That's the logical lesson you took. But the emotional lesson you took was quite different from that. Because if you say it out loud, that sounds very normal, very reasonable. But if you actually look at your behavior, it probably speaks more of this lesson. The lesson I took was never invest because you'll get hurt. So I think we need to go back for a moment to that relationship where you get hurt.

Because that relationship where you were hurt, that was kind of a defining moment for you, wasn't it? Definitely So now in in life's defining moments, we have to decide what they mean So you have to now decide what lesson you want to take from that because the beauty of life is that we can go back To any experience from any moment of our life and we can't change the past but we can change what it means and we have the potential to time travel back there anytime we want and change the meaning so what if we were to revisit your past right now and revisit that relationship and change the lesson to a more empowering one to a lesson that actually would help your love life today not hurt it it, but still at the same time, allow you to protect yourself. What lesson would you take from it now? That I need to be more proactive and I need to figure out where he stands before I commit more.

So perhaps the lesson is if I learn to communicate better and not be afraid of the answers, I'll find out what I need to find out about a situation. That's one potential lesson that you could take. I think there's a real big lesson here that's bigger than all of these lessons. And I think it's this, that relationship taught you that it's possible to recover because right now you're out there living. But it also taught you that when you know something isn't right, you have the power to walk away from it. Right.

You have the power to leave. And I think something that's really scaring you right now is what if I invest in someone and I get close to them and all of a sudden they start treating me the wrong way and they don't give me the love that I deserve, but I'm not strong enough to walk away because I'm too close to them and I'm too bound up in this relationship. I think you're afraid to get into that situation again. But I think the real lesson is that you're strong enough to walk away from any situation that isn't right for you, even if it hurts. So the next time you go into a relationship, you can know that you can invest and you can get close to someone. And if it doesn't work out, and if that man doesn't prove to be worthy of you, you have the strength to walk away. Yeah. And there's plenty of other people

out there. Plenty of other people out there, as you are proving, by the way, right now. Your goal right now should be to go out there and invest in people and be generous with your energy, but walk away when you know they're not worthy of it. Not walk away just because you're paranoid and scared. Thank you so much. That makes so much sense. Thank you.