Love Life with Matthew Hussey - 38: Why Men "Love Bomb" And What You Can Do About It

Episode Date: July 15, 2020

Have you ever had someone come into your life, dazzle you with their initial investment and attention, only to disappear as fast as they came? This phenomenon has been nicknamed “Love Bombing,” and it can be very painful, especially when you were led to believe it was going somewhere.  You may be asking yourself why someone would do this. In this week’s episode I’ll show you… My hope is that this will not only give you a sense of closure, but also help you to move past the heartache you are feeling right now if this has happened to you. I also show you how to avoid it in the future.  Here for you, friend. Matthew x --- Join my exclusive members community at AskMH.com!  Email us YOUR love bombing story at [e-mail]  

Hello there podcast listeners and welcome back to the Love Life podcast with your host Mr Stephen Hussey. That is me and hello and welcome to another little episode. Today I want to talk about men who lavish you with too much attention. So much attention that it feels seductive, it feels wonderful at first, it feels magical when you feel like you're being taken on this whirlwind Disney journey of passion and romance and then oh my god he fades away slowly he gradually slips out and or see suddenly ghosts and looking at why this happens what it means and the psychology behind it and how you can look for signs to avoid it in future and very fortunately I've got my lovely handsome brother Matthew Hussey to talk all about it before we flick over to Matthew I want to let you know Matthew and I got together recently and we realized that not nearly enough people who follow us here on the podcast or on

instagram or on facebook or on other platforms not enough people follow and subscribe to our youtube channel which is where we actually get to talk to our community every week we upload a fresh video every week and you can get it straight away as soon as it goes out. If you go to YouTube.com, search Matthew Hussey and click subscribe and click subscribe and click the little notification bell. And then you'll know as soon as a new video goes up, because too many times we get tons of people who we mention a particular video that came out recently and they say oh no i didn't know you put any videos up on youtube and so we don't want that to happen uh that's where our new content comes out every week we'd love for you to be a part of that community to get involved and uh then you'll know when the brand new content gets released and you'll be totally up to date.

Also, in this clip, I'm going to present to you from Matthew now. He does mention a link at some point. As usual, he says the link because this is a clip from a video. The link, he says, to our Love Life VIP members area is askmh.com. So if you want to go to that link, area is askmh.com. So if you want to go to that link, it's askmh.com. And you can go and start the process, become part of our live webinars that we do every month and our community where we give you exclusive content,

all lots of behind the scenes stuff and a private blog. And we would love for you to join us there. All right, that's the housekeeping out the way i'm going to hand over to matthew now to talk about love bombing why do men love bomb i got asked this question on one of our recent Love Life webinars. Why do guys come in, get you attracted, make you fall in love, give you compliments, make promises, and then ghost you? Love bombing is an interesting concept, and it's one that's worth understanding more about.

Why do guys do this? Well, firstly, they do it because they're insecure right because they don't feel enough unless they're making someone fall in love with them that they need someone to have an image of them that's so wonderful and reflected back to them so that they can feel like oh okay i can breathe look someone's falling in love with me someone Someone thinks I'm amazing. Now I guess I am amazing. Someone thinks it. And of course, in order to make you feel this, they say a lot of lovely things. They're very charming. They make a lot of promises and then can't live up to those promises because it was never about building something. It was always about feeling something. Of course, the person on the receiving end becomes the collateral damage for this need that a person has now firstly don't beat

yourself up because you feel all of this for this person this person actually sold you on that image they said things and did things to lead you down a certain path to make you feel something and then disappeared you're not crazy for feeling something and you're not crazy for feeling something really intense because what the love bomber does is present the most intensely uh fantastic picture of themselves they put forward a version of themselves that is kind of like the version of themselves that people put out on instagram you know you see these instagram profiles where people look perfect in every single photograph how is that they're choosing a certain

filter or a certain angle or certain lighting that always makes them look a certain way people do that in their love lives when they love bomb people. But in order to reduce our pain in this moment when someone disappears, we have to walk back the image that we have of that person. We have to begin to create a more sober image of a person. A person that we are looking back on and convincing ourselves was the great love we lost, when really that feeling, the intensity of that feeling is based on an image that would be extraordinarily difficult for someone to live up to over a longer period of time. I even think there's not just in the case of someone who maybe love-bombed you after a few weeks or months, but let's say someone who was with you for nine months or a year

in a kind of honeymoon phase of a relationship, and then they left. We're in danger of forever comparing every long-term relationship we have with that person that we were with for nine months and seemed incredible. But what we didn't see is what that person was like over two years or five years or a lifetime of marriage.

So it actually becomes incredibly unfair to compare someone that we're with for many years to the glamour and the shine of someone that we were with for nine months. What can we do about this? Firstly, be aware of anyone who seems to be giving you an unjustified amount of love, attention, compliments, making promises that don't seem earned in a very short period of time. It doesn't mean that someone doesn't mean them. It just means that those things are very much unproven right now. It could be that it turns out to be real and that that's the person you end up with. But what we have to do is even when someone else is trying to go at this rapid pace, and even if we're enjoying that rapid pace, at the very least, internally, we have to modify our expectations until time

proves those things to be real. Because someone delivering on those intentions through their actions over time is what lends gravitas to those early compliments and promises. By the way, this concept is something that on my members webinar call today, I went into for 20, 25 minutes. And that's when it turns from an idea into coaching. Ideas can help with your life, but coaching is what changes your life. That's where the results are. So if you want to get coaching from me, graduate from a YouTube video each week to real deep dive coaching on the issues that you wanna work on, this is where it's at.

I'll leave a link here. Come check it out for yourself. And as always, I will see you next week. And once again, listeners, that link is askmh.com. You can go there, ask your question and become part of our Love Life community. And one more thing i would love to hear from some of you guys uh if you've been through love bombing before your experience with it how you dealt with it how you've gotten over it and picked yourself up for the future things

you've learned things you've learned to look for early on in a relationship or when you're dating someone, I would love to hear from you. You can email us at podcast at matthewhussie.com podcast at matthewhussie.com. Send us an email and hopefully we get some lovely ones and I can read them on an upcoming episode. So I would love to hear what you've learned from love bombing your experience with it and how you plan to move forward from there one thing the shorter you keep them the more likely it makes it that I can read it out on the show because at times I've received enormous long emails and it makes it extremely difficult to either reply or to be able to read them out on the show because they're obviously going to take up an inordinate amount of time. So the more punchy and short and crisp you keep it, the more likely we'll be able to read it on an upcoming episode.

Okay, and if you want to be anonymous, course we can do that as well just let me know i'll check before if you're happy to be made anonymous um all right that is it from old stevie boy um i am heading off now you have a wonderful week subscribe to to YouTube.com Matthew Hussey. Subscribe to the channel. Hit the bell. You'll get all the latest videos. That's it from me. See you real soon. Got a new boo. Yeah, love beautiful. I'm looking for love. you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you Thank you.