Love Life with Matthew Hussey - 5 Signs You Are Dating a Toxic Person

Episode Date: June 24, 2016

Arguments in relationships are unavoidable. But if the guy you’re dating is more interested in winning them than solving the underlying problem together, chances are good he’s a toxic person. In this episode of LOVE Life, I’m laying out 5 distinct signs that the man you’re dating is toxic, so you can identify the behaviors and get out now before you get in too deep.

Matthew Hussey here with Love Life. Do you ever feel like you keep attracting the wrong kinds of men? I can understand how frustrated and hopeless this must make you feel at times. All you want is a good guy who appreciates you and treats you well. Someone who's a partner in all of life's ups and downs. But instead, you end up with jerks. Well, you're not alone. So many women can relate.

I want you to smile right now because today I'm going to give you a simple way to get rid of the jerks and only attract quality men into your life. Before I give that to you, let's get into today's episode. I have a very interesting episode for you today. So many of you are going to want to listen up because these are the signs that you are dating a toxic person. Here we go. By the way, there are five of them. So get ready for this. Number one, they say things that they know will hurt you in an argument to protect themselves instead of trying to solve the problem at hand. So if you're with someone who tries to inflict damage instead of solving the argument, then that person is toxic and you have to be very careful. I think of them like a

scorpion. In order to protect itself, the scorpion just stings you when you get close. It doesn't try and figure it doesn't get amicable and try and figure it out. It just stings you when you get close. It doesn't try and figure it doesn't get amicable and try and figure it out. It just stings you. And that's what this type of person does. You get close. You try and discuss something. They just sting you. They look to do damage instead of trying to resolve the issue. That's why these people will often say very hurtful things that stick with you a long time and you find difficult to get over. You'll find that their default will be game playing and outmaneuvering you instead of being authentic and just admitting vulnerability. Number two, they treat everything like an attack. When you try and

get constructive in your criticism of them, when you try and express to them a behavior that maybe you'd like them to change or something that upset you, and you do it in a completely civil and rational manner, you'll be met with an irrational degree of emotion and aggression. So what will happen is you'll find that you get afraid of bringing something up with them. If you find that you're treading on eggshells when you bring up a problem, or you're trying to choose your words so carefully with them, then it usually means that their reactions are not positive, that they don't make it easy to discuss things. Number three, they make you the root of all evil. In other words, they try and manipulate you into thinking that any issues that you have come from you. A key thing is when you see them never

admitting fault. If you see that, that's a great sign that it's not all about you. It's also about them, but they're making it all about you, which is a very nasty and manipulative thing that these people do. Number four, they show you the most love when you're hurt. They get validation and significance from seeing how much they can hurt you. In other words, if I shout at you or if I call you something and you're really upset because I said that and it really hurt you and you're on your knees crying, I then say, ah, look how much power I have. And if I have this much power, it means you must really love me. And if you really love me now, I feel safe. So now they give you love because they feel safe in this moment when you're broken. But when you're together and when everything's okay, they don't feel safe. They feel threatened because maybe you'll leave. So you'll find that a common behavior pattern of this person

is they'll grind you down and hurt you. And then when you're at your most hurt, you'll find that a common behavior pattern of this person is they'll grind you down and hurt you. And then when you're at your most hurt, you'll get the most love from them. Number five, they're uncomfortable with your success. You'll find that they seek to belittle your life, your achievements, your problems. They'll always try and make sure that you don't feel too good about whatever it is you're achieving. So if you come home and you say, I got this promotion, it's so great. They'll go, well, that's going to be a lot more work. And they'll immediately bring you down. They'll find a way to numb you or to take

away the pleasure of things that you're really excited about. See, what you've got to understand is this person that I'm talking about is terrified. They're terrified of not being significant to you. They're terrified that you're going to hurt them at some point. They're terrified that they're going to lose you. So instead, rather than say, God, you did something great. You achieved something amazing. I'm on your side. They see it as a threat and they immediately try and take it away from you and bring you down. There are a couple of ways they do this. They might get angry at you and make you feel guilty for making something else important that's not them. Or they might just go numb to you completely and you feel them get distant. Maybe they even go and

spend time with their friends and other people instead of you because they don't want to be around you when you're in that positive state. Here's the thing. Arguments are okay in relationships. Don't ever listen to somebody who says you shouldn't argue. Of course, arguments are fine, but you want someone who ultimately at the end of the day looks to solve problems with you and looks to help you overcome your insecurities and your flaws in the same way that you want to help them do that. That's what having a solid partner is all about. Mark Twain said that the great make you feel that you too can become great. Thank you for listening, guys. This has been Love Life. I am Matthew Hussey. And if you want to continue to follow us, go to facebook.com forward slash coach Matthew Hussey, and you'll see

all of the wonderful things that we create there. I'll speak to you soon. Okay, so we started off today talking about how you want to finally stop attracting the wrong men. I told you I have something for you that will show you how to make a quick shift that will bring the right kind of men into your life. Well, I've created a powerful training video for you called The Three Mindsets That Drive Men wild. And it guides you through the simple steps that you can take to attract the kind of men you truly want to get your free access to three mindsets that drive men wild. Just go to lovelifepodcast.com forward slash mindsets.