Love Life with Matthew Hussey - 53: The ONLY Flirting Formula You Need...

Episode Date: September 11, 2020

Question: What’s the #1 secret to powerful, seductive flirting? For some people, that’s a silly question. “Flirting is simple,” they’ll say. “It’s just something you do when you like someone.” And yet, in my 10 years of learning about attraction, I’ve seen so many make the same mistakes. They try to talk to that cute guy at the party, the conversation fizzles out, and they’re left scratching their heads wondering, “Am I being too keen? Too aggressive? Am I just boring?” But I understand. Knowing what men/women want when it comes to flirting can feel massively confusing. In fact, I’ve never seen flirting skills broken down in a useful way – so today I’m going to reveal the ultimate flirting formula. (Trust me, you won’t want to miss this). It's time to finally make this confusing topic clear... --- Follow Matt @thematthewhussey Follow Stephen @stephenhhussey --- Download the FREE flirting chapter at GetTheFreeChapter.com

Hello there listeners, it's Stephen Hussey here and welcome to the Love Life Podcast as always. Now I don't know about you, but when you see someone on a date who's laughing a lot, who's making jokes, who's talking it up, nine times out of ten that person thinks to themselves, I'm really good at this flirting stuff. And I've noticed that about flirting. You kind of have two camps. You kind of have people who maybe say, I'm really bad at that sort of thing and I get nervous and I don't really know how to flirt. And then you get some people who are just totally confident that they get it. They're yeah flirting I understand that stuff I know how to do it I know how to make snappy jokes I know how to be charming I know how to talk and yet it's very common that you know Matt and I Matt and I a couple of years ago did this tv show

in Australia and when we were filming that show there was a segment where they had that the women on the show we actually got to watch them go on one-on-one dates and these women on paper had plenty going on they were all intelligent they could all hold a conversation but when you actually watch them on the date, sometimes, so one of the women was perfectly friendly, she was very talkative, and if you just watched with no sound on, you might think, oh, it's great, they're talking a lot, she's talking a lot, it seems like she knows what she's doing, and yet one of the things that came up on the show that Matt brought up was that when you heard the conversation, she was talking, talking, talking, filling silence,

filling silence, but there was never any actual flirting going on. There was never any chemistry. There was never a moment where the energy changed and it went from logic to, ah, there's a spark here. There's an emotional connection. There's a little something going on. And that little something, that crackle, is the essence of what flirting creates. And it creates a moment. It's like a moment where things pause for a second or slow down. And you both lock eyes in a certain way. And maybe there's a smirk on someone's face,

or there's a little line or a comment, whether that be in a text or in person, and it just gives that other person a little jolt in their stomach. And flirting, you know, it's not an easy thing to say, well, here are the 10 exact lines to flirt with someone. There is flirty behavior. There are flirty things you can say, flirty kind of things you can say. But one of the clearest breakdowns of flirting I've seen is one that Matt talks about in this video.

And we came up with this together, this flirting formula, and we tried to keep it really, really simple. And it's trying to address one, on the one hand, one problem where some people don't know how to flirt and they're just too nice and they're just friendly and pleasant and they talk and talk and talk and they think, hey, I'm flirting, but really they're just being friendly and that's not something that makes someone notice you romantically so you have the two nice flirting on the one hand and then you have the other one where someone goes too far on creating a challenge and they think i'm being really cool i'm being snappy i'm being like a sex in the city character here and maybe they make joke joke or uh try to be um really high

value by putting up walls and being hard to get and playing games and it tends to make or maybe they tease in a way that insults the person right like it's too much challenge where the person thinks i'm not sure this woman even likes me uh the way she's talking she seems to be making a lot of jokes at my expense or trying to puncture my ego, trying to make these sort of barbed comments. And that's going too far on the challenge side. So sit back and listen to Mr. Matthew Hussey, of course, give the lowdown on what flirting is all about. Check it out. I know that there are so many women who come to me who don't have options in their love life precisely because they are not flirting in

their everyday lives. Now, if you want to be someone who's a really great flirter, someone who knows how to create attraction right off the bat, stay to the end of this video because I have a free gift for you that you're going to love love that's gonna allow you to do exactly that. First, I wanna show you something cool. Because flirting isn't the easiest thing in the world to understand. We could say that flirting is just showing interest in someone, but we know that's not necessarily true. If I just walked up to you and said, hey, I like you, you wouldn't necessarily say that's flirting, that's just my statement of how I feel. I think there's one other ingredient. Flirting is interest plus challenge. I'm gonna give

you three specific real-world examples to prove this. Now let's say in the first one you go out tonight, you see a guy across the bar that you think is attractive. Now if you were just demonstrating interest, you might look at him, stare endlessly, have three more drinks, then stumble over to him half drunk, and by the time you get there, say, you're really hot.

Now, if she was showing interest and challenge, she could start by simply looking at him until he sees her. Then when they catch eyes, she could look away as if she's just been caught out. Then she could look again and start building that tension a little bit. Now you may say, what is she actually doing in that moment to be challenging?

But the challenge is inbuilt. All she needs to do is show a little interest because he has the challenge of having to walk over there and do something. Think about it. For a guy at that point, he's got to have the courage to think of something to say and then walk across the room and open his mouth to this woman. Example number two. Let's fast forward this night. He's now asked for her number and they have parted ways An hour later he texts her saying Hey, it's Jason

She says Who? He's like, Jason, from the bar She says Hmm, I don't recall Unless you're that handsome guy with the nice shoes. Winky tongue face. Love that winky tongue face.

Now look, it would have been fine if he said, Hey, it's Jason. And she said, Hey Jason, it was so lovely speaking to you. That would have been fine. But it wouldn't have been flirting. Flirting is that moment when she pretends not to know him and then all of a sudden,

just as he's off balance, she swoops in with a compliment about him being handsome and having nice shoes. I was once told attraction is about keeping someone just a little off balance. And so we come to real world example number three. Let's flash forward a couple of weeks in their relationship. They've been seeing each other. They're having a good time. She's at work one day and she comes out of a meeting and texts him. I just finished a meeting and I definitely wasn't thinking about you most of the time. Okay, bye. Now again, if all she texted him was thinking of you, that would have been fine. It would have been a perfectly reasonable thing to say and it would have worked. But if we want to turn this from a compliment into a flirtation, now we use this message because that moment where she says, I definitely wasn't thinking about you

most of the time. It's a coy way of saying, I'm reluctant to admit to you that I was thinking about you the whole time. I'm being playful about that right now. I'm giving you a compliment but I'm not at the same time. And then when I say, okay bye, it's like, I'm out of here. You've had enough. I've said too much already. I'm out. When she does this, she's taking a regular compliment and adding flavor to it.

And it's that flavor that often makes someone excited and energized. It keeps them wanting more. And we have talked about this before. We have a term for it. The term is the bliss point. The bliss point is a food industry term that describes the optimal level of salty and sweet that keeps us wanting more of a food. And there is a bliss point to communication with men

that keeps them wanting more of you. And I'm such a believer in this concept that I spent literally a year of my life designing a program called How To Talk To Men where I give example after example of how to create that bliss point. Now, I told you at the beginning of this video, I had a special gift for you.

Here it is. In the How To Talk To Men program, there's an entire chapter dedicated to flirting. I want you to have that chapter, so I'm giving it to you for free today as my gift. And my hope is that once you experience the results from that chapter, you'll actually decide that maybe you want to try the whole program. But even if you don't, I want you to enjoy the free chapter anyway. So all you need to do to get that is go to getthefreechapter.com and you can be reading it in the next 60 seconds. I will see you there.