Love Life with Matthew Hussey - 57: Matt answers YOUR dating questions!

Episode Date: September 26, 2020

Answering YOUR questions on topics including: - what to do when a guy is acting flakey - creating a "flirtatious energy" (and how to do it) - how to be less insecure in a relationship _________________________ Follow Matt @thematthewhussey Follow Stephen @stephenhhussey

Hello there listeners and welcome back to the Love Life Podcast with me, Stephen Hussey. I am your host as always and I am going to give you a good old dose of Matthew today as he recently did a Q&A on YouTube answering people's dating questions and I thought it'd be fun to share that with you. What's happening here? Well I feel like London just took a little chill today. I feel like we're just about entering autumn or as the American friends like to call it fall. And, you know, there's a little snap of cold in the air. The leaves are starting to change. And I feel like we're getting into the final quarter of the year. And Lord knows what that's going to have in store for us given the last three quarters. It's been quite a year. Hopefully we can have a nice, good, positive finish. And I hope you're keeping

healthy and well wherever you are and taking care of yourself and physically and mentally. And yes, so in this Q&A, Matthew does mention our Love Life members area. Just so you know, obviously that was recorded on a specific day and he mentions that in our members area we'll be doing a webinar, he says tonight and obviously it's not tonight because it's a podcast and you could be listening to it any night. So just bear that in mind when you listen. But of course, in the members area that he mentions, we do have regular webinars. And you'll have access to them once you join at askmh.com. And you'll be in our exclusive VIP club where we actually get to do live coaching with you guys. And actually answer your dating questions in real time.

But Matt will tell you about that in the little Q&A here. Oh, by the way, I've been doing a bunch of Instagram lives lately. If you want to hear me rambling about things that aren't all love life related, but just having little evening chats, I've been having some fun doing that on my Instagram, so you can go check that out. I'm at Stephen H Hussey on Instagram if you want to go and have a look at those. And of course, Matthew's Instagram page, The Matthew Hussey, where you can get all of our content every single day. So yes, that is all from me. If you'd like to email the show as ever, it's podcast at matthewhussey.com. Let us know your thoughts,

your comments, episodes you'd like to hear in the future, stuff you'd like us to talk about on the podcast, all of your suggestions and missives. That's podcast at matthewhussie.com okie dokie i will see you all very soon i'm gonna hand over to matthew now so over to the big guy all right let's have a look shall, at some of these questions coming in. So how to deal, Hannah says, how to deal with men who are flaky. Well, the thing with flaky people is you have to, oh, let's see. The thing with flaky people is you have to treat them, I suppose like you would someone in business, is if someone cancelled on a business meeting with you, you would initially think,

okay, I'm not going to make a big deal out of it. Maybe if they want to see me again, it's got to be a little bit more on my terms. I was prepared to go to their offices, now they're going to have to come to mine so you kind of you you it's almost like if you were willing to go 50 50 on the effort when someone's flaky now you reduce your effort to 30 or 40 and they have to come 60 or 70 to prove that they really do want to see you and that's kind of a healthy approach to it is that you don't just shut the door on people you don't give zero chances but you do start to reduce your effort and they have to put in more effort and of course at some point you can say to them hey if we're going to do something let's actually do it because you were a real flaky git last time don't use the word git

unless you're from the east end because it won't make unless they're i suppose from the east end of london otherwise it will not make sense to them um but uh calling someone out even playfully about something that you don't like is a kind of fun way to do it sometimes people get a bit serious in the way they call people out and then the other person feels judged and you know you can call people out playfully but call them out nonetheless how does a woman confess to her crush well you just you know well there's two ways of doing it you either say to your crush hey i like you we should go out sometime confess is a strong word it sounds like you've done something wrong um or you simply start

flirting with them without saying i i like you start flirting with them start giving them a little compliment here and there saying you look when there's a flirtatious energy you might stare at them more you know you know when you have a friend and you stare at them in a very friendly way like they're having a conversation with you and you go yeah yeah that's great oh that's really funny but when you actually like someone there's a sort of there's a sort of look that you give them when you're listening to them like you get lost in their eyes a little bit you know it's a way of communicating I'm looking at you and I'm thinking about more than the conversation we're having right now so you know just flirt with them and see if

they flirt back invest and test you know what's the result of me giving a little bit do they flirt back do they compliment me back or do they keep it very platonic all right what else by the way tonight we've got a webinar happening for my members are you a member would you like to be a member well you can become a member by going to askmh.com if you go to ask him can I write that as a comment let's see I don't know I don't know how to do this ask if you go to askmh.com that's askmh.com it should be in the description of this video you can actually go and sign up for a free

14 day membership where you can become a member for 14 days and try out what it's what is it like to be a member of the Matthew Hussey Love Life Club. You can come and join the one hour, maybe a bit longer webinar that we're doing today at 7 p.m. L. 11 a.m. no sorry 7 p.m. UK time 11 a.m. LA time today and if you're on Eastern time that's at 2 p.m. but we're going to be answering your questions live so if you have a question even maybe you want to come on to video and have a chat with me where I coach you you even have that opportunity as a member so go to askmh.com to join that free webinar today. I'm just joining for a few minutes right now, but in that webinar, I'm going to be there for a lot longer answering lots of questions.

My God, there's a lot of questions coming in. Okay, let's have a look. Someone says, Ferdows Abad says, how can I be less insecure in a relationship? Well, a huge part of it is not relying on a relationship for your security. It has to come from somewhere more nutritional. If you imagine a relationship is, my God, it's like weather, isn't it? You don't, you obviously you want to be in a relationship where the weather is consistent. If you find you're in a relationship where the weather is always stormy one day, sunny the next, so capricious that you don't know what kind of person and treatment you're going to wake up to each day, then that's probably not the right relationship to be in,

especially if you're prone to a sort of anxious attachment style. But if you find yourself in a relationship where the weather is consistent, there's still going to be fluctuations in weather. There are still going to be days where your partner is not going to be around, where they're going to be busy with other things, where you may not be the priority in that hour of the day or those 10 hours of the day. And that's where our own internal security has to kick in you know the heaters have to turn on inside that that that the turn on the the temperature on our own confidence and that has to come from what we value ourselves for it has to come from the purpose we have in our own life that isn't just tied to our partner it has to come from the hobbies the passions that we

have and of course just the feeling that we are enough that even if our partner were to leave us today we would still be enough our worth isn't based on who is with us or who we have on our arm it's based on our intrinsic value as a person in this world um what else Let's see. A. Oroyo Katera says, Hello, do you think a 52-year-old that has never been married can actually get serious and make a commitment? I'm talking to a guy who is 52 and has never been married. I'm 56 and divorced. Well, yeah, of course, I think anyone can get serious at any age, but I do think that you have to look at someone's patterns. What's been the pattern of their life? Ask

them what's been the pattern of their life. Often people will tell you, I don't, most people aren't really disingenuous when it comes to that. They'll tell you what their pattern has been. And then ask what's changed. If they're making noises that it's changed and that they want something more serious right now how do you know what are they telling you that that backs that up do you buy into that story does it sound legitimate to you that's that's you know it anyone can make a change but of course we have to believe in that change and what someone's telling you has to feel like oh this is a real this is a real change

i can see how someone would have been this way up until now but is now genuinely looking for something different in their life but of course you also have to pay attention to where you see them reverting to old patterns do their actions match their words if they're telling you they now want to be married and in a relationship do their actions actually match that is that what you're seeing in the way that they're investing in you the sacrifices they're making the compromises they're making the time that they're taking to spend with you are they orchestrating their life around this goal that they say they have it's a bit like someone who says i really i'm ready to start a business you know but all you see is talk you don't see them actually doing anything they They've been planning this business forever. They're not doing anything about it. So that's where, of course,

you have to be sober. You can be excited, but you have to be sober about looking at whether what they say their goal is matches what they're actually doing lots of questions maybe we'll do one more how to get over an ex who came back and and again ghosted says sneha how to get over an ex who came back and again ghosted well the fact that they came back and then ghosted should make it easier to get over them. If someone came back, was perfect, and then, morbid as this may sound, got hit by a bus, oh, that might be difficult. But if someone comes back, gets you all worked up again, and then ghosts you, that should actually be easier.

That should be confirmation that this is the wrong person, that why would I want a person like this in my life who toys with my emotions in this way this is the opposite of what I should be looking for I should be looking for someone who makes me feel loved and and brings a sense of stability albeit excitement but stability to my life um uh and this is the opposite of that this is suffering why would I want someone who makes me suffer that's how you get over that person. Realize they don't represent excitement and love and joy. They represent suffering. Amazing. Well, guys, look, I'm going to hold there for a moment because we've been going for 10 minutes. And I want to keep this brief because I'm going to be on for an entire hour and maybe even a bit more on my live webinar today if you're

not a member you won't be able to see that but the good news is that you can become a member in 30 seconds by going to ask mh.com that's a SK mh.com and you can try the membership for 14 days for free just to see if you like it and if you don't like it you can just cancel either way if you join for free you can watch the webinar today you can even cancel today if you want if you'd like to after you've watched the webinar but at least come and join us and see what it's like if you've enjoyed this and you want more and you want me to dig in in more detail that's exactly what we do and we bring in live callers some people get on video and ask me questions

I live coach people I deal with Q&A like I am right now but we dig in live callers some people get on video and ask me questions i live coach people i deal with q a like i am right now but we dig in deeper and on many more questions i'm going to be talking about dating uh uh you know why guys lose interest i'm going to be talking about getting back into dating if you've been out of it for a minute i'm going to be talking about why we're always attracted to people who are not interested not the ones who actually like us we're going to talk about dating and older age groups today we're going to talk about all different things. So it's going to be great. Go to askmh.com to come and become a member and I'll see you there. Thank you YouTube for having, by the way, this platform is like my OG platform. I've been here since I was, I think,

19 years old and we're still going strong and I love you guys who are in our community and comment and engage with us it's so cool I'm proud of what we've created here and I'm proud of you guys so many of you have been with me for a very long time and I so appreciate you I love you and it means the world to me so I hope that you'll dig in a little deeper with me and come see what it's like to actually be a member as opposed to waiting for a YouTube video every week. But you know me, regardless, even if you don't, I'll keep making those videos every week.

I thank you for your time, guys. I appreciate you. I'm going to try and figure out how to end this thing now. Bella, Janika, Swati, Caitlin, Sandra, thank you for all of the questions. I haven't had time to answer. Sa, Marissa, Jel, Sonia,

appreciate all of you. All right, guys. I'll catch you later.