Love Life with Matthew Hussey - 59: Do You Worry He's "Not Sure" About You? Do This...

Episode Date: October 3, 2020

I’m a big believer these days in the power of no. What we decide to say “no” to in relationships is often as important what we say yes to. And I’ve seen thousands of women saying yes to all the wrong things, like men who say “I’m not sure about us,” for whom they wait months and years in the self-torturing hope he’ll change his mind. I even had a woman recently say to me, “He says he’s trying to choose between me and another woman. Should I wait for an answer? Or should I move on?” Seriously? Wait for an answer? Screw that. It’s time to say no to being undervalued forever. One of my favourite quotes says: “If you put a small value on yourself, rest assured the world will not raise your price.” So if you’re still hanging on that “one guy,” I need, need, need you to hear this. It may just be the biggest wake-up call you’ll ever get... ►► Deep down, you know there’s something missing in your love life, your career, or your personal life. GOOD NEWS - I have a proven method to transform your life in just a few days with me → our first ever ONLINE RETREAT! Claim your spot today for October - http://www.MHVirtualRetreat.com

Hello there everyone, it is Stephen Hussey here, your host as per usual, and I want to ask you today if you have ever felt the exquisite pain of being with someone who is on the fence, someone who is not sure what they want, someone who is not sure how they feel about you. And every day you spend in this situation erodes your self-esteem. It makes you feel less attractive. It makes you feel like there's something you're missing. And if only you could do that, if only you could make the right moves, say the right words, have the exact right look that person really desires, then maybe, maybe they'll come around. Or maybe they just need time and eventually they'll see the light and in all that while maybe you're still being intimate with this person maybe you're still having sex with them maybe you're just still in a romantic scenario with them you're spending

time as a friend with them and you're in that place where they're saying, I'm not really sure. And it's a very powerless place to be. And you just don't know whether you should cash in your chips and walk away from the table or whether you should keep rolling the dice. And essentially, you are constantly oscillating between feeling hopeful and then feeling stupid that you got your hopes up. So if you've been in this place, this talk from Matt is going to be the ultimate pep talk if you're dealing with someone right now who is not sure what they want. really want to get serious about taking your own self-esteem to a new level, about transforming your inner confidence so that you never get in these scenarios again, so that you feel

completely empowered in these moments to walk away, to do what's best for you, to be able to pick people who are giving you that mutual affection. We have coming up a virtual retreat and it's coming up in October we've never done this before but we're doing it for everyone who is obviously can't travel for all the obvious reasons this year and obviously our team can't do our usual live retreat in Florida so we are really going all out on doing a full scale online live version of our retreat so that anyone anywhere over the world can access it and actually do our full retreat program with us, with Matt, with our team. And there's going to be fun little events. There's going to be visualizations. There's going to be gratitude sessions in the morning.

There's going to be exercise. And there's obviously going to be the core program that we've developed over the last decade that Matthew's going tovirtualretreat.com and we can hit reset together and rework on your inner compass for where you're going with your life transforming your inner your self-esteem your confidence your relationship with yourself learning communication skills that are going to serve you your whole life learning how to transform the relationships with your friends, with your family, the people around you, who you project, deciding the values you actually want to embody and how to live them every day, rewiring your emotions so that you can tap into the actual state of mind you need at any time of day and find inspiration and purpose whenever you need it. All that and lots more. Go to the MH Virtual Retreat to find out the details and claim your spot. And I would love to see you there. You can also email the show

at podcast.matthewhussey.com and let us know your thoughts. Let us know questions you might have or topics you'd like covered in future episodes. And now I'm going to hand over to Matthew to talk all about what to do with someone who is not sure about you. And remember, you can either futilely stand waiting for someone to change their mind or you can change your mind about waiting for an answer. Over to Matt. I'm going to give you today five reasons why you need to cut it off and move forward with your life if there is someone right now who is not sure about you. Number one, you have to do what he's not strong enough to do in his weak

moments where he's lonely and needy and wants to be connected to you he'll come back to you you'll have a great time together but in his strong moments he'll be questioning again whether this is the right relationship whether you're the right person so you'll be on a loop with this guy where this pain will come back to revisit you over and over again every time you think you've got past it it'll come back you have to cut it off because there's a very good chance he never will number two there is someone out there waiting for you who will be sure of you they won't think

you're 70% of what they want they they'll be absolutely certain of you. You are depriving yourself of that person by hanging around with someone who's not sure about you. And by the way, you're also depriving that person of you. Number three, life is short enough with the right person. When you find that person that you're sure of, who's sure of you, you're already going to feel like there isn't enough time in the world to love each other. So why would you spend a portion of that finite precious time with

someone who's not even sure about you? Number four, even when he's with you, you're not getting his best. How do I know that? Because when a man isn't all in, when he hasn't really decided that this is the person, he's always holding back. He's not giving as much of his emotional energy, as much of his time, he's not going out of his way to do the gestures that he would do. So you're getting scraps of him,

even when you feel like it's good. And my response to that is that is an insult to you. It's an insult to your time. It's an insult to how much you care about this person that you're going to a show every night and the cast isn't even showing up. They're not doing their best performance. Why would you be with someone who's not giving you their best performance? And number five, relationships are hard enough even when it's the right person.

When two people find each other and they're certain of each other there's still gonna be issues and we're still gonna strive every day to do better, to grow, to give more. But in a relationship we should be giving more to try to be our best not to try to be enough. If you have to kill yourself just to be enough for someone, that is gonna destroy you over time. You're gonna be exhausted. We should be enough just by being us. And everything else is effort to be our best for our partner.

Don't strive to be enough. Find someone you are enough for and then strive to be your best for that person. Look, guys will say they're uncertain for a lot of reasons and they may be true. They may be completely logically correct. Maybe he is working three jobs. Maybe it is a tough time in his life. Maybe there is something going on for him internally that he can't deal with right now but I don't care about his reasons right now I care about your reality the one where you are entertaining giving your time giving your energy giving your emotion to someone who is not sure about you that's the reality and that's the thing that you have to focus on life is too short to spend it with someone who is not sure about you.

Set the bar higher than that. I will see you next week.