Love Life with Matthew Hussey - 67: How to Know if You Should Keep Trying with Him

Episode Date: November 10, 2020

Have you ever wondered what the right amount of effort to put in with a guy is? Should you let him know you’d like to go on a date with him? And what about after the date… Should you let him know you’d like to see him again if you felt the date went well but he’s not being proactive about setting up another one? Where is the line between showing a guy you like him, and chasing someone who’s simply not that interested? It can be tricky. But I want to make it simple. You may have heard me say, “Invest in those who invest in you.” But that could leave you wondering to yourself: “Fine Matthew, but so often that means I’m doing nothing because no one is investing in me! And doesn’t someone need to take the first step to invest something if anything is ever going to happen?” It’s a valid point. I’ll show you exactly how to solve this at the end of this episode, so make sure you listen all the way through! -- ►► Discover 7 Signs He’s Ready to Invest in You. Tap Below for Your FREE Guide… → http://www.DoesHeLikeYou.com

🎵 Hello there, pickles, peaches, puddings and pears. It is your old pal Stephen Hussey here and I am the host of the Love Life podcast. And I'm going to hand over to old Matty boy today because he's going to be talking all about that situation where you're sitting there. Maybe you're looking at the phone and you're like, hey, I like this person, but I'm not going to pursue first. I should wait for them to pursue first. I should wait for them to pursue first, right? But then maybe I should give a bit first because then they know I actually like them, but then am I giving too much? How do I decide when I should actually wait for the investment and when I should actually pursue and go for it? And how do we get out of this

stalemate situation? So before I do that, Matt mentions a guide in the clip and that guide is to get the seven surprising signs that a guy likes you and you can download that at doeshelikeyou.com. So you want those signs? Doeshelikeyou.com and you can go download the free PDF. Okay, that's it from me for today. I will see you real soon. Over to Matt. So last week, I ended with the conclusion on a bunch of terms like ghosting, zombying, haunting, that they all just represented low investment, and therefore were all indicative of a central problem, which was that we tend to invest in people based on how much we like them, not based on how much they are investing in us. And I've said this ad nauseum over the course of

the last decade of my life. The people that follow me a lot will be able to repeat this phrase easily because I say it so much. Invest in those who invest in you. Don't invest in someone based on how much you like them. But there is a challenge to this that I think is interesting because it adds a little nuance. Someone could easily say, but Matthew, and by the way, someone did say this. I was on a podcast with Lisa Bilyeu on her Women of Impact podcast. I am not a woman of impact, but I graciously was allowed to come on the podcast as an honorary male. She said to me upon hearing this, I love that, but doesn'tiously was allowed to come on the podcast as an honorary male. She said to me

upon hearing this, I love that, but doesn't that get you into a kind of standoff with someone where you're both holding your gun, waiting for the other person to draw before you do anything? Can it lead to a situation where relationships are simply transactions, where you wait for somebody else to invest before you do anything at all. This is where a principle comes in to temper this idea. We have to invest and then test. This is something, a phrase that my brother, Stephen Hussey, who writes for our website, howtogettheguy.com, coined. invest then test in other words give a little and then see if they move a little to meet you where you are i think about this from the first moment you meet someone you know you see someone in a coffee shop it's like you both maybe you both are attracted you both want to talk to each other

one person at some point has got to make it easier on both of you, right? Someone has to take responsibility for making it a bit easier. So what happens? Maybe one person goes and sits close to that person, right? I know we live in a world now where the idea of going and sitting close to someone seems like a thing of the past. What an anachronism. But let's just take the concept in, we have to be able to talk about normal things sometimes. My God, if not only to illustrate a in, we have to be able to talk about normal things sometimes, my God, if not only to illustrate a point. You go sit somewhat close to that person. That person, oh, this is the person I was making eye contact with is now sitting kind

of close to me. Now one person says, you all right? You know, I like that, what you've ordered there looks delicious. And then, oh, it is delicious. I've had it before. How are you? What's your name? Now you've got a conversation that's happening because both people, they put in a little bit, put in a little bit. Sometimes in

the beginning, one person has to overcome another person's shyness and do something a bit more drastic. Go over and just start talking to them because this person is never going to come over of their own volition. That happens at that stage. Then there's the later stages of, okay, when we're in the texting phase, I need to look and see, as Jameson and I have talked about previously in a video, am I in the blue? We text all the time. Simi, the colors. Look at the colors. You're in the blue, mate. When I send them meaty messages where I actually say things, do they send me quick one word or three word answers? That's a form of taking a leap of faith that, well, I like someone, so I'm going to let them know about it and I'm going to see how they

respond. But then actually paying attention to the response. Is the investment equal or do you always feel like you're the one investing a lot more than that person is? Invest, then test. I don't mean test in the manipulative game playing sense, simply measure. Like what's the reaction? In dating in general, I think one of the big problems is we don't do enough communicating, but we do too much chasing. Communicating is letting someone know that you like them. I find you attractive. I'd love to hang out sometime. We should go for a coffee or I'm into you. I like something about you. Or you look cute in that that top or whatever that's communicating what i'm doing there is showing that i like you chasing is when you continue to invest in someone you continue

to keep chasing them to keep giving them energy long after the point of having already communicated that you like them and without the equivalent return of attention, of interaction from them. That's chasing. I'm a huge proponent of communicating and someone who's trying to stop people from chasing. When I say invest in who invests in you, it's not about always waiting for someone else to make the first move. Investing a little bit so that someone knows where you stand, so that someone knows that you like them, so that someone knows you're open to a date,

so that someone knows that you'd like to see them for a second date, so that someone knows that you find them attractive, sexy, appealing as a human being, that's brave. That's vulnerable. That's courageous. Chasing someone is a sign of low self-worth, losing our own self-respect, and having put someone on a pedestal. And I say put someone on a pedestal because how can someone be so great that you continue to chase them when they're not giving you that back? No one can be that great. Because greatness, someone who's great for a relationship with you doesn't just come in the form of someone who's got great qualities. It comes in the form of someone who represents a great energy in your life, represents a great investment in you as a human being. You can't have one without the other.

You can't have someone who's great for a relationship but doesn't invest. So chasing is chasing someone who you admire, who you think is great, but someone who ultimately is not actually investing in building something with you. Invest a little so that you can test whether you get anything back and only continue to invest in those who invest in you. you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you Thank you. I see the blog sites. Got a new wife. Shorty got a new boo. Yeah, love beautiful. I'm looking for love.