Love Life with Matthew Hussey - 7: 3 Texts That Make Him Chase You

Episode Date: March 9, 2020

Most women are used to being told things like: “You need to make him work for it”, “You need to have standards”, “You need to respect yourself” But how do you actually do it? For example, if he sends you a flakey text on the night of a date, how should you respond to get him chasing again (whilst showing you have self-respect)? In this episode, we're going to give you 3 killer texts that show your standards, put you back in control, and double his attraction for you. Download the free guide at 9texts.com  

🎵 Konnichiwa listeners, this is Stephen Hussey coming at you from Tokyo where I'm still residing right now, hence the Japanese introduction. And today I want to begin, as my dear brother Matthew suggested, by reading a listener email. So I've been responding to a lot of your emails in private and those of you who've got responses, I'm getting back to as many as I can. Thank you so much for joining the discussion and your thoughtful comments. Like I said, I've read every email that's been sent into the show. And today I want to read an email from a listener who has chosen to remain anonymous lest she be identified by her email. So I'm going to respect that and not give her name. But she says, I loved the episode Why Men Don't Open Up and I wanted to say why.

Matthew, I think it's great that you asked that woman if you could kiss her. I had a recent experience with a man who asked me if he could kiss me and I loved it, especially given that there is lots of discussion about Me Too and consent and I felt like he was being respectful to me by asking. This was also coming from a man who is a bit of a celebrity

and quite powerful. It was a little bit romantic to me. So I think that the woman you asked just doesn't get it. On the same night with the same man, he opened up to me. I told him I was nervous and he confided in me that he was nervous and insecure too. It automatically puts me at ease. Several days later in a phone conversation, he said he noticed I was more relaxed with him and at ease. I told him it was because he was vulnerable with me and it made me feel more comfortable and I appreciated that. We had some nice conversations and times. Ultimately, things didn't work out between us for lots of other reasons, but you are spot on about the vulnerability stuff. I'm loving the podcast and so glad it's back. Well, thank you so much for that anonymous

reader. And I love that you were able to connect with the vulnerability episode. And that was when Matt spoke about his experiences of asking a woman to kiss him on a particular date. And she laughed and it became very awkward and kind of messed up the whole flow of the day. And I think it's really, really great that people actually did understand the difficulty that men face in that moment at times when the social cues aren't clear and they want to put themselves on the line and say what they want but they want to do it in a respectful way and I think the more we can put ourselves in each other's shoes and understand men and women's fears and anxieties the more we're going to bridge the gap between men and women and have better, healthier relationships. So it's lovely to see you on board with that.

And on to today's episode. So today we are going to be talking about the texts that make a guy chase you. Specifically three texts delivered by my brother Matthew Hussey, where he talks about how if you're getting a guy who's not proactive enough, he's not actually taking initiative, he's not pursuing you, here are the messages you can fire off to get him to take the action you want. Check it out. I've been helping women attract the men they want for nearly 10 years now. And there is a question that has always come up, but it's getting worse. Women saying, why don't men try anymore? They don't take me on real dates. They don't seem to actually court me. They don't go through the stages of attraction where they

really invest. It's like they want a fast food dating diet. They want to just text me and for me to come over. We want men to try again. Well, I have a fundamental belief that the women today who get the best men, and not just the best men, but the best behavior from those men, have two things on their side. One, they have standards that are higher than everybody else. People think that if you have standards, you're going to scare people off. It's the opposite. Standards make you attractive, but they don't just have standards. They have the ability to communicate those standards to a man in an attractive way. That's the real skill. Having standards is confidence. Knowing how to communicate them is competence. The food industry has a term,

a term called the bliss point. The bliss point is the optimal level of salty and sweet in a food that keeps you wanting more of it. And they're trying to achieve this all the time. So think Nutella, think peanut butter, kettle corn. What's the bliss point that means even though you're getting full, you're not satiated. You keep wanting more of that food. Well, I believe that there is a bliss point to communication, an optimal level of salty and sweet that keeps you wanting more of a person. So if you achieve the bliss point in your communication with men,

a man can become addicted to you. He won't be able to put you down. I'm about to give you three scenarios that I know you've found yourself in before and the bliss point response to each one. The first scenario is the date deliberator text. This is the guy who's indecisive about what you guys are gonna do on a date tonight. So he sends something like,

so what are we doing tonight? To which your internal response is, you decide, man. It's your job to figure out a plan. Just freaking pick something! But you don't want to come across aggressive in this moment because he hasn't done anything really wrong. So instead, here's the bliss point response.

As much as I love planning, I think it would be more fun if you decide. Winky face. You see what you're doing there? You're simultaneously saying, I don't expect you to plan things forever, but right now at this early stage, it would be fun if you took the initiative. Scenario two, the homebody text. He sends, there's a cool bar in my part of town for

tonight. Now, you know that the last time you went on a date, you came to his part of town. So somewhere inside, you feel like he should be the one making the effort to come to you or at least meet halfway. Now, once again, he hasn't done anything drastically wrong, but you'd like to use this moment to educate him on trying a little harder. So instead of bottling up your feelings and going to his part of town anyway, or getting overly serious about communicating this to him, you put together this bliss point message. Jeez, are you always this lazy? It's your turn to come to me.

Kissy face. What this shows is that you can call someone out directly for their behavior, but you can do it in a playful and affectionate way. Which brings us to scenario number three, the day of disappearance. This is when you have plans with a guy to see him for a date, but on the day of the date,

it's getting past the point where it's acceptable for him to have not given you the details yet. So maybe it's one o'clock in the afternoon, you said you'd see each other tonight, and he still hasn't sent you anything. And maybe it's not because he's a bad guy, maybe it's because he's been super busy or maybe he's out right now, but it's still not really okay. So you can either be passive and just wait until he texts you or you can construct this bliss point message. Hey you, should I assume we're not on for tonight?

I haven't heard from you and I have other things I'd like to do if not. Once again, the beauty of this is that it addresses him in a kind way at the same time as being really high standards with your time. You're showing him that if he doesn't up his communication, you're going to find something else to do. Now, why do people hesitate before sending these messages? Because we are afraid that if we have a standard with someone, they will not see us. That we might lose out on that opportunity to spend time with them tonight. So let me be brutally honest with you. These messages won't increase your chances of seeing the guy you want tonight, but they will radically increase your chances of him wanting you tomorrow. See, bliss point communication isn't about short-term gains. It's about long-term attraction.

And if you are about creating genuine deep attraction that makes a guy want you not tonight, but tomorrow, next week, next month, next year, that's about having the right standard and knowing how to communicate it. The beauty of what we've been talking about today is this, communicating your standards and creating attraction are actually the same thing. If you want more of these Bliss Point responses, I have something cool for you. A free guide that gives you nine copy and paste

Bliss Point text messages that you can send to the guy you want to get more attraction and more investment starting now. Just go to nine text.com, download your free guide, and I will see you there.