Love Life with Matthew Hussey - 70: 3 Ways to Make Sure He Meets Your Needs

Episode Date: November 25, 2020

Transform Your Life and Claim Your Happiness NOW. Learn More About The Matthew Hussey Virtual Retreat… http://www.MHVirtualRetreat.com --- I get SO many questions about standards in early-stage dating every week... How do you set standards? How do you know if your standards are too high, too low, or are scaring people away? How do you communicate your standards in a kind and honest way? What if all of my standards are fulfilled by someone except one important one? To answer some of these questions, this week I take a real woman’s story and give 3 practical techniques for solving it that I think you’re going to find really valuable. If you struggle too much inside your head when you like someone, especially if it doesn’t feel like it’s quite going your way, this episode is going to help you make sense of things… Also, we are finishing this year with a bang. As you know, I just released my brand new program The Momentum Texts (thank you to all of you who got your copy, and for the incredible early feedback). Well, to add one more surprise, at the end of this new episode I announce something many of you have been waiting for in the last few weeks. I’ll see you there to tell you about it.

Hello, it is Stephen Hussey here, host of the Love Life podcast, and we are going to flick over to Mr. Matthew very shortly. He's going to be talking about how to make sure a guy meets your needs, and if he doesn't, how to actually know what your needs are so that you can say, hey, maybe I'm overrating this person a bit and they're not super compatible with me. And maybe I need to make the decision to lower my investment in them because they're not as right as I initially thought they were. Very important, very important concept, updating our perception of someone as we go along in the dating mode. Many people make a decision very early on about someone and then don't update that according to their behavior. Very, very important. So before I do, Matthew mentions our upcoming virtual retreat, which is going to be next year in 2021.

It's the first one went off amazingly. We had such an incredible time. So many wonderful people. To those of you who joined us, you know it was a smash of an event. And we're going to be doing it again. So Matthew mentions there is a link. That link is mhvirtualretreat.com. mhvirtualretreat.com. And I'll put it in the show notes so that you can click it there if you want

to as well. Alrighty, over to Maddie boy. I was recently on Australian TV via Zoom and there was a woman that her story was essentially that she'd been on three dates with a guy. On the second date, she brought up the fact that he didn't seem to banter with her much between dates. Now she brought this up because she said, this is really important to me. I, you know, I, I know I love being able to banter with someone. And when someone doesn't give me much of that, it's like, I'm not having something that I know is a big thing for me. So she mentioned it to him. She'd said it didn't really change after that. Not only that, but after the third date, he didn't really text for nine days. And then nine days later, sent a

text saying, Hey, um, sorry, uh, not playing games, just really busy right now. At that point, she said to me, Matthew, what do I do? You know, I've, uh, is this a sign that he really doesn't like me? Is it just an excuse or is it real? And I should keep pursuing this person. Here are three principles I'm going to start you on. And if you've got a pen and paper right now, I want you to write these down, by the way, have something big to share with you at the end of this video. So do not go anywhere. Number one, temper your enthusiasm. So often we create this ideal picture of someone in the beginning and we never update it. If you learn new information, he's not very good at bantering with you between dates and that's important to you. He doesn't message me for days

on end and when he does, he doesn't ask me on another date. He just apologizes for not being around. Update your perception of this situation and this person, or at the very least, your perception of how right this person is for you. And that brings us on to the second point, which is understand your needs. Know yourself. If you know that you value that initial excitement and that fun and that romance and this person isn't delivering on that, then be honest with yourself about the fact that this situation isn't really meeting your needs of your dating life, of what you really want. So again, doesn't mean this person is a write-off, but it does mean you should temper your enthusiasm

about this person. And lastly, speak up. If you don't like something, if you want it to be different, if you wanna just express that in order for me to continue to invest, I need it to be different, then speak up about what it is you want or what you're not happy with. You could send a message to someone who messages you after three weeks saying, hey, let's hang out. And you're inside, you're like, where the fuck have you been for the last three weeks? You could send someone a message and just say, LOL, you were

supposed to send me this message two weeks ago. That's having a little jab at them in a playful way, but it also expresses your standard. Expressing your standard doesn't have to come in any aggressive form or any passive aggressive form even. It can just come in the form of making fun, teasing someone. A little bit of humor goes a long way in these situations, especially early on when your standard shouldn't become an expectation. The difference between standards and expectations is a standard is about me. An expectation is about you. We want to be wary of expectations in early stage dating. Instead, have standards. Standards mean if you're not giving me what I need, I'm going to modify my investment, my energy, my excitement in this situation accordingly. And when I speak up about that,

it doesn't make you feel like a bad person for not doing something, but it does make you realize the stakes of you not doing something are potentially allowing me to drift until I'm no longer there. Now they start to respect you, not as someone who they're afraid of

because they're afraid you're gonna bite their head off, but respect you as someone who knows what she wants. These three principles will serve you in any stage of dating, but especially if you find yourself weighing up how right someone is in the early stages, and if not over-investing physically, over-investing emotionally by thinking too much about someone who hasn't earned it yet. A few weeks ago, we did our first ever live virtual Matthew Hussey retreat. Huge success. The feedback was amazing. So much so that we're doing it again in March. If you missed the magic of the first one and you want to transform not just your love life this isn't a dating retreat this is about your life then come to this one do not miss the

opportunity again because we're going to be looking at your health your sense of purpose in your life your motivation in general your ability to wake up and stick to your habits and keep moving forward i'm really going to be downloading the philosophies that I've accumulated about life over the last 14 years of coaching people in every aspect of their lives into three powerful, immersive days that by the end of it, you're not going to be thinking in terms of, I need a guy or what's going to happen with this person I'm with anymore. Your purpose, your mission, and your confidence are going to transcend all of that. And you're going to happen with this person I'm with anymore. Your purpose, your mission and your confidence are going to transcend all of that

and you're going to feel awesome no matter where you are in your love life right now. I can't wait for you to see this. Do not miss it again in March. I'm going to leave a link here. Come there, book an appointment with one of my retreat specialists, ask any question you want about the program,

but do not miss this opportunity. And I'll see you next time.