Love Life with Matthew Hussey - 89: Don't Be Afraid Of Your Weirdness... (with Matt and Stephen)

Episode Date: February 26, 2021

It's ok to be weird... In fact, it will probably be what makes you stand out and do interesting things in the world. If you copy everyone else, you end up safe, watered down, generic. So if you struggle with the social pressure to conform, this is the episode for YOU! --- P.S. Join us on our virtual retreat on March 19-21! Go to MHVirtualRetreat.com and spend a magical 3 days with us transforming your confidence and relationships... --- Follow Matt: @thematthewhussey Follow Stephen: @stephenhhussey

Welcome back everyone to the Love Life Podcast. I am here with Matthew Hussey, of course, of all people. Welcome back, everyone, to the Love Life Podcast. I am here with Matthew Hussey, of course, of all people. Matthew, how are you today? Oh, I'm great, Steve. Good. I'm having a lovely time. I've got Jameson with me.

He does. He's had his oat milk latte and he's all pepped up. So, Matthew boy. I have a cappuccino this time of day, Steve. It's a little less milk. I was thinking recently about a post that our mutual friend Ramit wrote recently, Ramit Sethi, uh ramit satie uh talking about how top performers in any field often have weird habits that they often wouldn't talk about a lot but like weird things that are conducive to them being successful at what they do um you know maybe just things they that aren things that aren't just the conventional advice. Do you think that, what it's got me thinking about basically is that I don't feel that enough

people embrace being a bit weird. I think there are forces in society that are always trying to get you to conform to anything that's a bit out of the box a bit strange about you you do things a little differently you don't really subscribe to that social custom you're kind of made to feel either ashamed or like oh that's too weird you shouldn't do that you should just be very do something conventionally the way everyone else does it and i feel like it's sort of i feel like people need to be nudged to be more weird. What do you think of that? I know it's an abstract question. It is.

But I do feel, I feel there's something there. I am. I don't think I have to be nudged. I think anyone who gets close to me realizes I've got my little idiosyncrasies, my little, what's the word? Picadillos? Yeah, picadillos. I've got my things. I think everyone is weird already. I think the problem is we don't express it. I think it's not that people need to be nudged to be weird. It's that people need to be nudged to be vulnerable with their weirdness because they already are. Everyone's got their thing. Everyone's got like those little things they do when they're on their own or the things they think no one else does, or the things that they're a little quirky passions, things they geek out on. I just

think that we, we're not very good at being vulnerable enough to show them to other people. But I do think that that's where those are the little things that often people fall in love with is our, our little weird things. Yeah. And, and that also prompted another thought, which is that there's a thing in this book I got from our friend Michelle called Small Happiness and Other Epiphanies. It's kind of got a very like, you know, on the nose title, but it's actually a very quirky kind of off the wall kind of self-help book in its own way. It's kind of half literary, uh you know advice and stuff but one of them taught one of the things that sparrow which is the name he goes by talks about is how uh it's about a poem where is it oh yeah you don't need poetic talent to write a poem all you need is courage and basically the idea is like you don't actually need talent to just write the poem

like really what's stopping you is the bravery like the bravery to do the thing and i do think about that of like your weirdness as well is it's really you know a lot of the frustration people have or you know the self-torturing it's like they're just not being courageous enough to embrace their unusual idiosyncrasies or talk about them in public or put them out on their content when they like if they put stuff on social media they feel they have to conform right there's just all these like subtle forces trying to sand off your edges and make you be like oh i better just do stuff like everyone else does it because I'll be weird otherwise. And it's always feels like the unique people are more brave in their weirdness. I just think that's your part of your unique value proposition is the fact that you are different from other people in certain ways. You're a unique blend of traits, a unique blend of interests, a unique, you know, people.

I think we sometimes overstate how special and unique everybody is from each other, right? We're all 7 billion people on the earth. There's a lot of similar people. But we underestimate how many different things have gone into making us who we are and what and the special cocktail that that makes us. We are our own blend. And whether it's in dating or in business, representing fully the aromas of your unique blend are very important because that's, otherwise you are the same. How many personal trainers are there online? How many, a lot, Steve, how many coaches are there online? How many, you know, I mean, you name it, your profession, there's a million of you online what makes you different i often think it's

interesting when people talk to me about like matt you know i have many different passions which one should i go for i'm like well firstly whatever it is you go for whatever thing you decide on to do with your time bring your other passions into that I'm always talking about things that I'm interested in, the sort of movies I like, showing people like my quirks or the books that I'm into. When people come to our virtual retreat coming up on March the 19th, they're seeing inside my head all of these unique things that I don't have to say as part of that event, but it's part of why it's part of people getting to know me and the soul of, of what I do and the way I am. And they can like that or not, but it's going to feel distinct from other people.

You, you've always like been very, you have been really brave in putting those things like like you say the retreat's always been our baby and you've always like incorporated these funny nights where there's parties and there's like hey these are the themes i love and you know you love like disney stuff or you love like old hollywood stuff so you like throw these things in the mix that are kind of to some people it's like this is weird why is matt hussey got these like old hollywood things at his retreat and it's just like but then once people are into like this is the vibe because we love it people are like this is strange and different but it's really cool it's a really fun party because i didn't expect this

would be like this i thought it would, but if we just did a convention, like it was just, you're coming to this hotel, you're going to go to a function room. It kind of strips all of that character and fun out of it. And that's why you also think about, so this other passage in that book, and it is a great book, by the way, this Small Happiness and Other Epiphanies.

It's a great little book. I've really enjoyed it. He says says small happiness is always a surprise it can't be oh it can't be created uh your best bet is to encourage serendipity and he says we are told by television and the internet what will make us happy but they're wrong one mistake we all make is searching for other people's happiness. Each person's happiness is different. You know you're finding your own particular joy when it strikes other people as weird. I thought that was quite interesting on the weirdness point. That is interesting, that idea of we're always searching for other people's happiness. So we're looking for their version of what happy looks like. Yeah. I guess this is what we're told is the good life. I guess if you listen to Instagram, the good life is apparently like the TV show Entourage where you have private jets and

stacks of money and the sunshine and celebrity and Lamborghinis and things like that. That's the whole game isn't it it's figuring out what your you know tim ferris in was all you know originally it was all about figuring out what it looks like for you to live a lifestyle you want and then once you've figured that out don't try and keep doubling up from that point create that lifestyle and then enjoy it and i think that it's the same as true of happiness is figure out what happiness actually means to you. Get very self-aware about it.

What does happiness mean to me? And now let me put the blinkers on and get out of this mindset of constantly comparing my happiness to somebody else's and feeling strange that I don't seem to need that same thing that somebody else does or that chasing that thing doesn't fulfill me. It's very, very important. Yeah. Yeah. And that's where you have to like divert, right? You have to get out of copying people or thinking they want that car. So I want that car or they want to spend money on this. So I must want to spend money on this, whatever must want to spend money on this whatever it's like know your things and then you can ignore

the superfluous stuff that's the kind of your freedom you get is to ignore all the stuff that doesn't really matter to you and kind of double down on the the things that you care about that's right

yeah I like it and believe me I'm a right old weirdo when you get get into you know you're going to reveal any of the ways that you're weird oh i don't know just weird things i read and all about your tangerines tangerines in the bath i take a lot of long baths and sit we just stop stop on that for a moment? You routinely take a tangerine to the bath. I take a couple of tangerines, a black coffee, and The Economist,

and I put them on a tray. I have a bath tray now, and someone just got me a big bath pillow, so I've got everything there, and I really slip in, and I spend a good hour, sometimes hour and a half in there, just eating my tangerine, reading podcasts and doing a lot of thinking. Right. And I just think you take it,

always taking two tangerines to the bath is definitely, it's a weird one. Like some people take a bit of chocolate. It's like, oh, chocolate and a glass of wine. You just always take tangerines to the bath. Also, I eat some popcorn nearly every day. Yeah, that is weird. I probably eat at least a handful of popcorn every day.

And it just makes me happy. It makes me feel like I'm, it makes me feel like I'm at the movies, Matt. Yeah. I mean, you honestly are the definition of a cheap date. Tangerines and popcorn. Give me a few bags of popcorn. Um you know that's these are these are the little these little things these are little things that get you through today aren't they so is this podcast gonna end on this note i well here's the note it's gonna end on i want to hear people's weird roots for happiness and weird things they do that make them more successful what they do productive maybe weird stuff you

read that we wouldn't expect stuff you learn a game games you play you know stuff you do whatever it is what's like your little form of weirdness and um email at podcast at matthewhussie.com and let us know i i look forward and people are we're going to read these out next time are we yeah yeah like yeah we're going to read depending on what comes in right okay i think it's really important to hear how people are weird. Are you going to name your book Tangerines and Popcorn? I don't have... No, I'm not. But I tell you, I've had a lot of really good ideas over the last year in that bath. Good article ideas, insights I've had, breakthroughs.

That bath is doing something for me. So, right. So what's the conclusion to all this? A conclusion is some things are not logically explainable, but they are an essential part of your process. Like, you know, I take long walks a lot. They are some part of my process. I can't logically explain what a walk does when it

gives me ideas and things, but the bath is the same. The bath is important. So is this about doing things that you love that are your little weird things for happiness? Or is it about your little weird things will bring you ideas? No, just everything. It might bring you your little happiness it might be you know stimulating it might be something that is a tangential thing it's like oh why that person's a computer programmer why do they uh learn about i don't know uh butterflies you know what what is it about catching butterflies they find really uh inspiring or interesting uh vladimir nabokov actually was was a big i think it's a lepidopterist,

someone who studies butterflies. He was a writer. Why is he studying butterflies all the time? I don't know, but it was clearly something in that. So your version of studying butterflies on the side is eating tangerines in the bath. It is. It is right now,

and maybe it'll be something different tomorrow. All right. Good. Very good. So is right now. And maybe it'll be something different tomorrow. All right. Good. Very good. So there you go. Thanks, everyone. And get yourself a bit of popcorn tomorrow. Pretend you're at the cinema. See how your mood changes. Send us a picture of you. Well, don't send us a picture of you with the tangerine in the bath. That's inappropriate. Send us a picture of you having a,

uh, you know, handful of popcorn in front of your favorite movie or, you know, email us. Stephen won't read them out anyway, because I beg him to read them out and he doesn't do it. Uh,

we will read them out. And, um, Hey, what do we have coming up Matt real soon? Well, I'll tell you, Steve coming up, we, real soon? Well, I'll tell you, Steve.

Coming up, we've got our virtual retreat. And we're on Instagram Live right now as well. So we've got a whole bunch of people watching this on Instagram Live. And I know there's a lot of you watching this at home, maybe in a tangerine. Come to the virtual retreats on the 19th of March. And it's going to be the event of our year. It is the greatest thing we've created because it's derived from our live retreat that we do in person with people in Florida, except we've adapted to the times. We're now doing it as a live three-day immersion program virtually. We do it all in my home, streamed into your home,

wherever you are in the world. And it's not just people say, is this a love life program? No, it's not a love life program. It's about you. It's about your confidence. It's about your emotions. It's about your habits, the habits you want to take on in your life. And asking the question with the habits you already know you want to take on, why haven't you taken them on yet? What's stopping you? Is it drive? Is it discipline? Is it constantly getting in your own way, constantly being thrown off course? Some of the time we know what to do in life, we just can't get ourselves to do it. And if we can get ourselves to do it, we can't get ourselves to do it consistently, which is what change calls for. Not a one-off action, but consistent action. What are the demons, the obstacles, the internal

conflicts that get in the way of us truly developing the life we want? Could those internal demons be stopping us from getting the love life we want? Everyone comes to us and says, Matt, what's a flirting tip? What should I text the guy back? Maybe there's something so much bigger going on internally that means we're chasing the wrong person in the first place, that we always attract the wrong person. Maybe we don't love ourselves enough right now. We don't have a good enough relationship with ourselves to find the right person. And maybe those demons are also the things that are stopping us from making the change that would get us the career we want,

build the business we want to build, be brave enough to step out and do something new. Life is short. The virtual retreat is about squeezing every drop of juice out of it by getting out of your own way, mastering your emotions, transforming your confidence

and doing it all with a lovely group of people. So we hope you'll join us. You can go to mhvirtualretreat.com to find out more and book an appointment with one of our specialists. And I can't wait. I hope as many people join us as possible. Me neither. A month away. I'm excited. I'm really excited about this one. Very good. Steve, I'll see you next time on Love Life. We will see you soon. Bye, everyone.

Bye. I'm looking for love