Love Life with Matthew Hussey - 93: How to Be Irreplaceable in Love AND Invincible in Life

Episode Date: March 8, 2021

Create Your Uniquely Extraordinary Life. Learn More About The Matthew Hussey Virtual Retreat . . . → http://www.MHVirtualRetreat.com​  Whether you’ve been following my work for 5 days or 5 years, this is one you can’t miss. It’s one of the most fundamental concepts I’ve ever taught, and it is the key to: - Increasing your confidence - Expanding your life - Being irreplaceable to the person you want - Being able to handle any part of your life going wrong This is where my dating advice meets my deeper advice for how to live an extraordinary life. Don’t listen to this episode for dating tips. Listen to level up your entire life. Every week, I help millions of people create the love life they’ve always wanted. But I don’t want the state of your life and your happiness to ever be dependent on the status of your love life. T he great irony is that it’s when your happiness no longer depends on the status of your love life that your love life finally has a chance to click. Enjoy this episode. It’s a big one. --- Join us on our virtual retreat on March 19-21! Go to MHVirtualRetreat.com and spend a magical 3 days with us transforming your confidence and relationships... -- Also, we love to hear from you! You can email the show at [e-mail]!  --- Follow Matt @thematthewhussey Follow Stephen @stephenhhussey

This is the, guys, I'm telling you, this is the master key. One of them. I think there are only like four or five things in life. If you really boil it down, there's like four or five things in life that if you know those, life gets a lot easier, a lot better. You can create an extraordinary life on like five truths. This is one of them. This is one of the master keys to living an extraordinary life so hello there friends it is stephen hussey here coming at you from merry old england in the early

phases of spring there is a feeling that things are renewing there is a feeling that we are coming out thawing ourselves from a long winter and there's a sense, dare I say, of hope in the air. Does one dare say optimism in these volatile times we live in? Well, perhaps so. And I'm feeling optimistic today to be with you here, saying hello and checking in on you uh i hope everything's going well i hope you're enjoying some of these new format episodes we've been throwing at you on the love life podcast with me and matt chatting actually over zoom uh getting a bit of live one-to-one conversation we're getting some wonderful feedback from you guys and answering our questions we've been putting out each week uh those of you who've been emailing in at podcast at matthewhussie.com

we so appreciate it and i love this sort of little sub audience we have from our main stuff there's now a real thriving podcast audience who are, you know, sending us fun things. They're part of the conversation. We read out your emails on the show and I'm really enjoying this and I'm enjoying kind of developing this in real time with you guys and turning whatever this was into some kind of little show. But we will keep mixing it up for you. We will keep the variety coming and let us know any ways, any particular things you're really enjoying about the podcast that you want to see more of. And also, we started putting some clips on YouTube, on the Matthew Hussey YouTube channel. So if you want to go over to there and subscribe and

check out the videos and hey, maybe leave a lovely comment on them and go that that Steve guy, he's really he's really playing well on this here YouTube. I'm liking what I'm seeing. That will always be very appreciated. It'll probably also hit Matt's ego a little bit. So, you know, that's always, that's something we can always do with giving our older brother a little ego check. So, uh, if you want to help me do that, that's fine. You can say nice things about Matt as well. You know, I'm happy. I'm happy for him to get some praise as well. Um, but yes, you can go check those out on YouTube, uh, slash Matthew Hussey. Uh, well, I'm going to pass over to Matt now, who's going to

talk to you about a very important, as we set up in the intro, one of the master keys to having your confidence, even when you face difficult times, when you lose something in life, if you feel like you're stuck right now, we talk about one of the fundamental master keys for confidence and why we spend so much of our retreat on the issue of core confidence because nothing else matters if you're only dependent on your lifestyle, something you have right now, your relationship, whatever it is. If you are just dependent on one thing for your confidence, you take away that thing, suddenly it's like kicking the legs off a chair and it all falls down. And that's not a

place you want to be in life. You want to be able to be what Nassim Taleb calls anti-fragile. You want to be able to respond to even the most difficult events and be able to survive and thrive during those moments. And that's when you need to dig deep and have an identity that is bulletproof so that deep underneath everything else, you have an unshakable bulletproof core. So Matthew does mention a link at the end of this clip, but that link, if you want to go and get it, I'll put it in the show notes as well.

It's mhvirtualretreat.com's mhvirtualretreat.com. mhvirtualretreat.com. The retreat is coming up really soon on March the 19th. So if you want to get on board with this one, get on board now. We're not waiting any longer. We're talking about a matter of a week or two here. And you don't want to delay on this because this is something we don't do very frequently. We've put our heart and soul into it. This one is going to be very, very special.

It's going to have some unique things I can't talk about right now, but even some surprises that are going to be pure one-offs for this virtual retreat. So I really hope you'll come join us at mhvirtualretreat.com. And that's it from me for today. I'll see you real soon. Over to my brother, Matty boy. Well, Jameson and I were just filming a welcome video for all of the attendees of our virtual retreat, which is our big annual flagship event that's about life transformation, not people's love lives, people's entire lives. If, by the way, you don't know about it or you haven't got your ticket yet and you want me to coach you through immersion for three days in every part of your life, I'll leave a link here. Go check it out. But whilst we were recording those videos,

we had an idea for a video that we could make that was tied into that because that's where my head's at right now is not dating advice, but bigger life advice. I truly believe that the concept I'm about to give you is one of the master keys to living an extraordinary life and having extraordinary impact in life, whether it's the impact of attraction, getting someone attracted to us, or whether it's the impact of making a difference in the world or building something. But let me take you through this. In life, there are things that early on we got good at or things that we got rewarded for. For some of us, it's our ambition. For some of us, it's our ambition. For some of us,

it's an early age. We made more money than our peers. For some of us, it's that we made people laugh more than other people did. We were funnier than other people. Whatever it was that we got rewarded for early, that validation made us want to do that thing more. It became almost an addiction and it might have even been a positive addiction. You know, if you get addicted to achieving because people give you a lot of reward for it, then you can go on to achieve some very big things. The problem is that the areas of life where we get validation can easily become our mutations. I want you to write this down. This is going to be like a mini seminar right now in this video. It's not going to be like my typical blog video where I sit on a sofa and speak. So our validations can become our mutations. Our validations become our mutations. Meaning when we get comfortable

being rewarded for a certain thing in our life, we keep doing that thing. It doesn't mean doing that thing is easy. If you get validated for being a high achiever, it doesn't mean continuing to be a high achiever is easy. It just means we get real comfortable there getting our validation. And these mutations then create distortions in our personality where all of a sudden our entire identity can be built around one thing. Now, what's the problem with that? When your identity is heavily rooted in one

thing, that can now become our weakness. Christopher Hitchens said when talking about relationships, he said the skill of relationships is not allowing your strengths to negate themselves. Meaning what once made us strong can actually make us weak if we come to over rely on it. What happens to the person who spends all day in the gym and that's how they get their validation and then they get injured. If they don't develop identity in other areas that can now be the death of their identity and therefore the death of their confidence, their happiness and their sense of internal security. The solution to these mutations is to develop other areas, whether they're external parts of our life or they're other personality so that we can create unique pairings. Now, let me explain what unique pairings are. Unique pairings are fascinating. A unique pairing is when you find two different things,

two different personality traits or interests in the same person that you don't normally find in the same person. When we meet someone who's sexy, but they can also be goofy and silly, that's a unique pairing. When we meet someone who takes care of their body and presents themselves really well, they're well-groomed and they look great, but they're also intellectual and they care about deeper pursuits. That's a unique pairing. When we meet someone who's a hard worker, but they can also go out there and play and have adventures and be spontaneous, that's a unique pairing. We see these unique pairings in all different people. And if you think about certain friends of yours or someone you're in love with or certain family members that you adore, I guarantee you'll be able to find unique pairings

that make you really adore that person. One great quality can attract someone. It can get someone's attention. If you're super sexy, you can get someone's attention. If you're super successful, you can get someone's attention. If you're very funny, you can get someone's attention. If you're very funny, you can get someone's attention. But that's not what holds someone. One quality doesn't hold someone. What holds someone are unique pairings. Let's think of this on a meta level. Once upon a time, you watched me because I made a dating video, right? Maybe five years ago, 10 years ago, or maybe last week, maybe five minutes ago, you were watching me in a different video where you go, oh man, this guy's got great dating advice. And then you come to this video and you see this and you're like, holy shit. Now he's going to this beat. Now he could talk about this. Now you see unique pairing. That's what holds someone. I could only hold you for so long by

giving you a flirting tip, but now you realize I could talk about this as well. All right, now I'm watching next week's video. When people see that we're constantly developing, constantly evolving, constantly developing more pairings, we become this irreplaceable force in their life. We become someone that it's a, I don't want to use the word addiction in this context, but we become someone that they say, man, I can't give this person up. I got to keep going on the journey. So it's these unique pairings that make us an unbelievable package to someone else, an irreplaceable package to somebody else. They are the key to people falling in love. They're also the keys to people maintaining the passion when they've been in love for a long time. But on an internal level, unique pairings also make us impervious to things going wrong in

our lives. They are the ultimate defense to change, to not being able to do the same things you used to do, to parts of your life going wrong, being taken away. When you have unique pairings, you become invincible because you've always got legs under the table that can support you if one leg breaks. You know, all of a sudden you get injured and you can't work out. That was a source of your confidence. Doesn't matter because you have all these unique pairings. You're into this and that and the other, and this thing gives you purpose, and this thing gives you confidence, and this is a part of you you really value. All of a sudden you've got legs under the table that can support

you. Someone decides they don't want to be with you anymore in a relationship, you've got all these other legs under the table that support you. You're not just one thing. You're not a one-trick pony in life. Your value isn't your relationship. And that's true of our personality too. You can have a part of your personality that, you know, maybe you came to rely on. What happens to a lot of comedians, right? They feel like, I got to be funny all the time because that's where my value is. But all of a sudden, if your whole value doesn't come from one thing, if it comes from the books you've read, if it comes from the energy you bring to a room in a different way, if it comes from the kindness that you bring, if it comes from the work that you're doing with people, whatever it may be,

all of a sudden, you don't feel like you have to be funny at the dinner table, even if that's how you make a living. Because there are other legs under the table. This is the, guys, I'm telling you, this is the master key. One of them. I think there are only like four or five things in life, if you really boil it down. There's like four or five things in life that if you know those, life gets a lot easier, a lot better. You can create an extraordinary life on like five truths. This is one of them. This is one of the master keys to living an extraordinary life. And if you're watching this and you're like, man, I need to create more unique pairings for myself. I want to start living a bigger life. I want to start writing a different story for myself than the one that I've been writing all along,

the one that's comfortable, the one that's become my mutation. Then we're going to be doing that on the virtual retreat together. I'm literally going to give you a blueprint for doing this. And we're going to spend three days of coaching immersion, working through everything in your life to create an amazing story because

that's what we all want to do, isn't it? Ultimately, we all have different goals here. Everyone watching this video has something different they want, but they're all versions of the same thing. Because whether it's you're looking for a relationship right now or more financial freedom or a better body or a change in your life because you're bored of what you're doing or you're looking for more internal confidence or happiness, we're all looking for the same thing. We want a great story. We want to be able to tell a great story at the end of our lives of what that life meant, of what we did with it, of the impact we made. And we want to enjoy the story because when this story is not going to last forever. This story is tragically short,

and we want to make the most of it while we have it. So if you want to do that with me, I have a process that I have refined and refined and refined and refined over 14 years to show you how to do that, and I'm going to walk you through it step by step over the three days on the virtual retreat. I'll leave a link here. If you're not signed up yet or if you're just hearing about it for the first time, do not miss it.

It's a live event. It's not something you can do two weeks later. It's a live event that is happening on March the 19th to the 21st. I will see you there.