Love Life with Matthew Hussey - “Am I Just a ‘Hook Up’ to Him?”

Episode Date: February 15, 2017

Our caller, Halima, is worried. She’s got a huge crush on a guy at work. And while that situation brings all of its usual complications – what if she makes her feelings known and gets rejected…and then it’s awkward in the lunchroom? What if they end up dating but it doesn’t work out, and then he’s ‘the guy at work that dumped her?’ – she’s got an even bigger concern: She wants a relationship but is concerned he’s just after a ‘hook up.’ In today’s LOVE Life, I break down the situation, help her figure out how to read his signals, and decide whether it’s worth her putting in the “work” to make it happen (pun intended) ;).

Hello everybody, welcome to Love Life, I'm Matthew Hussey. One of the questions I get asked most by women is what to do when a man they've just started seeing gets too sexually suggestive too quickly via text. This happens all the time and there are a few different ways that you can respond. It all depends on the kind of message that you want to send. I've actually got an amazing script for you to use that shows him that you're high value while still driving him crazy with desire. I'll tell you how you can get this copy and paste text at the end of the show today. So be sure to listen right till the end. Okay, let's get to the show. We have a caller on the line. Halima, are you there?

Yeah, I'm here. Hi, how are you? I'm great. How are you? So great. So great. I'm so excited to get to talk to you. Well, thank you. What a lovely, sweet way to begin the phone call. So what was your question, Halima? I like this guy at work and like, I think he might be interested, but I can't really tell because he's kind of like the, you know, playful, vibrant type with everybody, like guys, girls, like adults, everyone. He's just very like, you know, he has that personality and like he flirts with me a lot. And like, I don't know, I just kind of want to like explore like that possibility because, you know, I'm young, I'm only 20. I'm

not really looking for like, you know, a hookup or anything, but I would like to experience a relationship. I've never been in one. And like, it's just something that I feel like I'm ready for at this point in my life. And like, how do I communicate to him that I'm not like, I don't know, like, I feel like I've given him the wrong impression, like flirting back and everything. I don't know if he sees me as girlfriend material or just like, like hookup kind of person, which I'm not. So I don't know how to communicate that to him without like coming on so strong. How old is he? He's 21. Oh, he's 21.

So he's young as well. So does he do anything different with you than he does with everyone else? Yeah. He like whole randomly hug me and like, like when no one's around and like grab me by the waist and stuff like that, like nothing like too inappropriate, but like he definitely like, he'll always try to find excuses to like touch me. Like when I first met him, it'd be like shaking hands and stuff. And then slowly, surely as we started to get to know each other more,

I was like hugs and like, you know, playful, like grabs from the back and like stuff like that. So I don't know. I don't see him doing that with anybody else. Okay. So,

okay. Firstly, I always have to add this caveat in the workplace because I don't want to get you fired and I don't want you to not be able to pay your rent. So any, anything that you do with this guy can and is likely to affect your your professional life because even if even if you get with this guy four weeks from now it might be nothing again three months from now it might be nothing again and that might be i don't know how good you are compartmentalizing your life most people are not but if you've hooked up with him which by the way we don't know is going to happen or not but let's say you think it's going to go somewhere and then you hook up with him and all of a sudden he doesn't want to know anymore

you're left with the guy at work who you slept with and feel kind of awkward around yeah so that's something you've got to be really careful of. Now, if I were you, I would, if you really want to make this happen, I would take it very slowly because you always want to introduce little moments of, of, um, interaction that could lead somewhere, but don't put you at risk of any real rejection or awkwardness at work. The easiest way to do that is after work drinks. Okay. After work drinks are a natural extension of your working day. You're both going to go and unwind. Hey, you know, I'm going to go and grab a drink if you want to join. That's all you have to say. You

don't, you don't even ask, by the way, you don't say, do you want to go and grab a drink after work? You can just say, I'm probably going to go and grab a drink after work if you want to join. Okay. That way he can just join you at six o'clock, seven o'clock, whenever you finish work, you go downstairs to the nearest bar, nowhere far, nowhere difficult. You want the path of least resistance, right? What's the thing that's going to allow us to just look like it's fun. It's easy. And I'm not hitting on you. This is just an extension of us being at work. Then you can see how you get on in that environment. And does it look like it's leading somewhere?

Is he texting you afterwards and so on? And again, be very careful because guys like sex. Yeah, I know. That's the thing he did. He did kind of hint at hooking up to me. Like we have a very like playful relationship.

Like we always tease each other. So he was like making, he was saying something and I was like, no, you're wrong. He's like, no, I'm right. He's like, okay're wrong he's like no I'm right he's like okay you know what if I'm right then I get like a piece of your chicken like it was at lunchtime and I'm like no and he's like I can't even get a little taste I'm like no and he's like not even a little bit and I'm like no because like I could tell he was starting to hint at something else because like he makes those kind of sexual

jokes and he's like why not some people just like to have like a little sample and see if they want to buy the product I'm like I'm not that kind of girl. I don't give samples. That's not who I am. And he's like, okay. Like, like, it was just kind of weird for me, but like, I like him. I'm not willing to hook up with him. Like that's not happening. It's just not in the cards at all.

Like I'm not looking for a hookup at this point in my life. So if I get what I want, whether it's from him or not, I think that's okay with me. I, I'm going to say this, not knowing the guy. I think this is the guy who's likely to hook up with you and not have a relationship with you. Okay. And if you're looking for a relationship and a hookup is going to make you feel bad in any way, I would not be pursuing this guy. I would be looking for a guy, firstly, outside the workplace, because the last thing you need is to hook up with someone at work and then it'd be awkward. But secondly, someone who is showing you signs that they're actually looking for something a little more, because if

this guy is flirtatious across the board, even if he's a bit different with you, it might be that right now he's trying it on to see if he can make it happen pretty easily. So you can, by all means, flirt, right? You don't have to go cold with the guy. Flirt, have can, you by all means flirt, right? Don't, you don't have to go cold with the guy, flirt, have fun, go for a drink with him even. But I would not, I would not be under the illusion that it's suddenly going to turn serious after you've got closer to him. Uh, because that type of guy, if he's in that mode is very unlikely, especially at 21, that he's about to snap out of it for a relationship if that's the way he's talking to you right now. So I'm only saying this because I'm looking out

for you and I care about you. I want you to be super careful. Flirt with him, have fun, but I would go look for a guy who talks slightly more seriously. He doesn't have to be talking marriage, but just a guy who isn't asking for a little piece of your chicken at lunch. Yeah. Look after yourself. I can't wait to speak to you again, Halima. Thank you so much for calling in. Okay.

Bye. Have a great day. You too. Bye-bye. Okay. Are you ready to get your hands on that amazing text that sets your standard with the man who sexes too soon? Well, I've included it and eight other incredibly useful scripts in a free guide that I've created for you called

Nine Magic Texts No Man Can Resist. The text I was talking about at the top of the show is number seven of nine. Just copy and paste it or any of the nine texts tonight and he'll find you completely irresistible. To get your free guide, just go to lovelifepodcast.com forward slash texts.