Love Life with Matthew Hussey - Are Your Standards Too High?

Episode Date: December 5, 2015

So you’re having trouble meeting men, and you’re wondering if it’s because you’re too picky.  “But I’m looking for ‘The One,’” you think. “Shouldn’t I have high standards?”  The short answer is yes, but you may be enforcing those standards too soon.  In this episode of LOVE Life, I explain the danger of being too selective when you first meet men, how to avoid the “Christian Grey” trap, and how changing your relationship with rejection can steer you away from Mr. Not Good Enough and straight towards your Mr. Right.

Matthew Hussey here with Love Life. I have a question for you. When you think about going after the things you want most in life, how do you feel? Excited? Inspired? Capable of doing anything you put your mind to? Or do you feel overwhelmed? Discouraged? Like you're facing an insurmountable obstacle? If your answer is overwhelmed, you're not alone. Most people feel the same way. And the reason is this. Most people think that in order to achieve their biggest goals, they have to take big monumental actions and that makes them give up before they even begin. But the truth is, the key to achieving our goals is consistency. Small actions done regularly.

Consistency can make all the difference between achieving your dreams and staying stuck and unfulfilled where you are. So let's set you up for success. I'll do my part by showing up every few days with a new episode filled with advice to help you live your best life. Think of listening to my show as your one small action you can do consistently. Here's your first assignment. Go to iTunes and click the subscribe button. This will make sure that you get the latest episode as soon as it's released. Ready to get started? Let's go. You are listening to Matthew Hussey on Love Life. We are talking about standards today, and more specifically, are your standards too high? Now, I'm touring right now. I'm going all around the country

and everywhere I go, some woman asks me some version of this question. Matt, am I being too fussy? Am I being too picky? Are my standards just too high? Do I need to lower them? Now, instead of just answering this point blank, I actually fire back three questions that I want that person to answer. And I'm going to give you these three questions. If you're considering whether your standards are too high, see what your answer is to each of these three. Now, the first one is, do your standards actually exist in the real world? In other words, when you're thinking about the men that actually exist that you've ever met, does the standard that you want that actually exist, can you find a role model for it? Now, of course, if you're saying, well, my standard is I want a guy who doesn't cheat. Great. You can find role models for guys who don't cheat. If you have a standard for

a guy who's a certain level of a gentleman, great. You can find role models for a guy who is of that standard. But start considering if you're if you're looking for I think we've been messed up by culture. You know, you've got a lot of women out there right now looking for a Christian gray. Now, here's the thing about that. You OK. Firstly, he's 27. All right. You just canceled out a huge amount of the population. He's sexy and good looking. OK, great. you just cancelled out another huge amount of the population He's really spicy in the bedroom You know, he's just fetish master

But at the same time, he makes you feel real comfortable with it You're a goddess in it Even though he's doing all these things to you You're a complete goddess in all of that and you feel completely comfortable and turned on. Okay, you just eliminated a huge amount of the male population. Lastly, he's a billionaire. I like the fact that the writer didn't just say it will be really attractive if we make him rich. She could have made him a millionaire.

No, I'm going to make him a billionaire. That guy does not exist. I can find you a 27-year-old unattractive non-billionaire who will spank you, but not necessarily that guy. So are your standards something that doesn't actually exist? That's the first question. The second question is, are you using your standards as a defense mechanism? See, there are a lot of people in life who say, oh, you know, I just have such high standards. I never meet anyone who lives up to my standards. And it's just another way to not be vulnerable. It's just another way to never truly connect with someone and allow yourself to get close enough where someone else could actually hurt you. It's almost like, let me reject you first so you don't even get a chance to reject me. And this is happening everywhere all the time. They continuously go after the guy that they know is a safe bet. They go after the

guy they know they can walk all over, even though they're not satisfied. They'd rather go for a guy that they know will never reject them than go for the guy that might reject them. Because God forbid they put themselves in the passenger seat for once. This third question that I want to ask you is, are you enforcing your standards too early? See, if we're doing this the right way, we shouldn't be fussy about who we meet, but we should be very fussy about who we get into a relationship with. You don't have to go at every single interaction like this person has to be the one. Go at it from an actual curious place. Like, you know what? Human beings are interesting. Meeting new people in life is interesting. And whatever you turn out to be, it's not going to be wasted time. Cast the net wide in the beginning and then be picky later when it comes to who you

actually get into a relationship with. I find that so many women are so narrow in who they meet, they spend so much time trying to meet the one that they wind up not meeting anyone. So we have to cast the net wide in the beginning and make sure that you get enough people into the funnel, if we want to put it like that, that you then have a chance of actually sifting out someone who could be right for a relationship. And by the time you do that, of course, you'll have a real connection with them instead of just canceling everybody out in the first place because your standards are so artificially high. So that's it for today, my friends. Are your standards too high? Ask yourself these questions, see which one relates

to you, and I am sure you will have the answer. Thank you so much for being part of this show. I'm enjoying it so much. I'm enjoying talking to you guys. If you're not part of my newsletter, go sign up to that. It's at howtogettheguide.com forward slash advice, and I will see you in the next episode. Take care. Thanks for listening and making me part of your weekly ritual toward achieving your dreams now if you're getting a lot out of these episodes please do me a favor and help me spread the word so that other women like you can find and enjoy the show in the itunes app or on your desktop just look up the show click on ratings reviews, and then click write a review. Thank you so much and have a fantastic week.

I'll speak to you soon.