Love Life with Matthew Hussey - Awkward! How to Deal When You See Your Ex

Episode Date: March 27, 2017

  After you break up with your ex (unless you flee to another state or get an entirely new group of friends) chances are good you’ll run into him again. So let’s get you prepared for this inevitability. I’ll be honest – there’s no way it won’t be awkward, but if you get yourself in the right state of mind, it will be a lot less awkward. I’ll even give you a line to say to your ex that will immediately break the tension and make you both laugh. Think of this episode like a mini-survival guide; Use my advice and you may even leave the interaction feeling better about your breakup, and yourself, than before.

Welcome to Love Life. I'm Matthew Hussey and I have an amazing show for you today. But first, let me ask you, did you know that there are three female mindsets that drive men absolutely wild? Okay, you're right. Confidence is one, but can you guess the other two? I'll give you a minute to think about it and we'll come back to this at the end of the show. But first, let's get into today's episode. We have a caller on the line and her name is Riley. Everybody, Riley, are you there? I am here. Oh God, I'm excited. How are you? I'm doing wonderful. How are you? I'm fantastic. I'm excited. I'm excited to hear your question. Okay. I'm ready for you. Um, so I'm going on a weekend retreat this, like this weekend. Um, and I just found out a guy that I dated is going to be there and things didn't end

on a really great note. And so I'm just wondering how to handle it gracefully. Where are you going this weekend? North Carolina. What for? What, what, what situation has brought you both together? Um, it's just like a big, uh, we're like mutual friends with a whole bunch of people. It's actually a big weekend retreat. You all belong to the same cult? Yes.

Got it. Got it. So you're all going away somewhere to the same retreat and he's going to be there. Are you actually going to be in close proximity to him? He will be, yeah, he's invited to everything that I'm invited to, will be all the same thing. Okay. So will you have to talk to him or will there be lots of other people there? There'll be lots of other people, but I'll probably end up having to talk to him at some point or seeing, like I'll be, I'll see him multiple times while I'm there. Do you want to talk to him? Do you, do you think secretly you'll be trying to engineer opportunities to talk to him,

or you'll actually be going out of your way not to? I think I'll be right in the middle. I don't think I'll seek him out, but if I see him, I won't run the other direction. Okay. So what do you think you should do? My instinct is to just try and avoid him, but I don't want to be so busy trying to avoid him the whole time that I don't have any fun well I think firstly you've got to be emotionally fit before you even go okay because when you see him you don't people say well what do I do when I see him actually the preparation starts before you see him um when is this weekend? It is, we're leaving in a couple of hours. Good. Okay. You could have, you should have called me three weeks ago.

I'm sorry. Okay. Well, okay. So you're leaving in a couple of hours. Here's what I would do. I would, while you're on your way there, uh, make a list of all of the things in your life that give it meaning. Okay. All of the things that make your life important to you that have nothing to do with him. It could be friends you're grateful for. It could be family you're grateful for. It could be certain goals that you have this year that you're excited about. Certain places that you're excited to visit. It could be a hobby that you're really enjoying right now. A skill that you're learning that you're excited to visit. It could be a hobby that you're really enjoying right now,

a skill that you're learning that you're really enjoying mastering. Write down all of the things that you're grateful for that are giving your life meaning and remind yourself of how much there is in your life that has nothing to do with this person because the danger of course when we see someone that we still maybe have some feelings for we see someone that hurt us the proximity to them makes the pain greater and actually can can have the effect of blowing it out of proportion if you think about it during a breakup why is it so useful to spend time and distance away from that person? It's like less time thinking about them. Yeah, you're thinking about them less. They're not on your focus. They're not in your focus

in the same way. So you don't blow up the pain disproportionately. You actually start finding other places in your life to get meaning from. But if you're not clear on what's giving your life meaning before you see him, when you see him, your brain will trick you into thinking that's the thing that gives your life meaning. And then you'll get hurt in the process. When you arrive at that retreat, you've got to know that you're armed with all of the great things in your life to begin with. And then when you get there, don't try and play like, I don't care. I'm all cool. I'm fine. You know, you don't need to play games in that way. Just, just be authentic when you get there. If it's a little awkward and difficult, okay. You know, own that and, and, and live it.

Even if it means, you know, you might be next to him and admit it. And be like, well, this is, I have to say, it's a little difficult being here together. It's okay to say it and shine a light on it. Because when you expose those feelings, you actually give less power to them. When you can admit to him, you know, it's kind of tough, isn't it? Being here together, it's kind of strange. When you own it, you give it less power, as opposed to holding it in and doing what other people do,

where they walk around like they're amazing all weekend, trying to pretend that everything about their life is unbelievable and hoping that the other person will be intimidated. Okay, that was my original plan, So I'm glad I talked to you. No, you don't. That's too much effort and energy, isn't it? That's true. Yeah. That's too much energy. Just own where your life is right now and remind yourself of all the important things that are going on and all the things you're excited for. And when you're around him, don't be afraid to expose the elephant in the room, which is,

you know, okay. It's a little awkward. It's a little strange. That's okay. And you're around him, don't be afraid to expose the elephant in the room, which is, you know, okay, it's a little awkward. It's a little strange. That's okay. And you're the one who's honest enough to just, you know, own it and admit it and maybe even smile about it. All right, I can do that. Perfect. Riley, thank you so much for calling in. Yeah, thanks for chatting with me.

I appreciate it. You're so welcome. Call in again sometime, will you? Sounds good. Have a nice day. You too. Take care. Well, did you guess what the other two mindsets are that drive men wild? Good news. You don't have to rack your brain forever for the answer.

I'm giving you free exclusive access to a Q&A session from my live seminar where I coach real women on how to deal with hot and cold men, how to find out if a guy is single, how to be strong and confident in a relationship, and more. To get your free access to three female mindsets that drive men absolutely wild, just go to lovelifepodcast.com forward slash mindsets.