Love Life with Matthew Hussey - Can You Handle Being Friends With Your Ex?

Episode Date: April 15, 2016

A lot of women ask me whether I think it’s a good idea to be friends with an ex. My answer is, it depends on your motive. In today’s LOVE Life, we’ll take a look at your reasons behind wanting to hold on to a former flame, and how it could impact your future relationship with the man who is better suited to make you happy in the long run.

Hello everybody, welcome to Love Life, I'm Matthew Hussey. One of the questions I get asked most by women is what to do when a man they've just started seeing gets too sexually suggestive too quickly via text. This happens all the time and there are a few different ways that you can respond. It all depends on the kind of message that you want to send. I've actually got an amazing script for you to use that shows him that you're high value while still driving him crazy with desire. I'll tell you how you can get this copy and paste text at the end of the show today. So be sure to listen right to the end. Okay, let's get to the show. Today, we are talking about the subject of ex-boyfriends and girlfriends.

Now, look, I get it. You had this special person in your life, someone you connected with in every way. They were a whole era, a whole chapter in your life. You had this time together that was special. You have all these memories, this archive of moments in your life that are still special to you today. And you want to keep that person around. You don't want to lose all of that. You don't want to close that chapter, even if there's someone new in your life right now. So why should you lose contact with your ex? Let me tell you why. Firstly, you're either in one of two camps. You're either in the camp of people that really want your ex back, in which case you're the needy person, or you're in the camp of people who got rid of their ex and your ex back, in which case you're the needy person, or you're in the camp of people who got

rid of their ex and your ex wants you back, in which case your friendship with them is selfish. Let's discuss why that's a problem. If you're the one in the needy position who still wants them, being friends with your ex is not helping you. It dilutes the need for you to go on and find someone else. Because while you're still friends with your ex, there's a certain part of you that is still being satiated. The emotional part of you, you're getting some sort of connection from that. You're still able to talk to them about your life. And you don't have that hole in your life that can be filled by someone else because you're still kind of plugging it halfway. So it dilutes the need for you to find

someone else. And that's a very dangerous place to be. So I don't think it helps. I think it hurts. And I think you have to be in a place where you actually go on and move on. Now, if you're that person who's in a relationship and saying, no, it's okay that I'm still friends with my ex, we have to qualify that a little bit. What does it mean for you to be friends with your ex? And I have a couple of things to say about this. Firstly, if your partner were doing the same thing that you're doing, would you be okay with it? Now, if it would be a problem for you, that gives you your answer about what you're doing. If it wouldn't be a problem for you, then there's a question you have to ask yourself. And that's, okay, it wouldn't be a problem for me if they did it, but it is a problem for them that I'm doing it. So what should I do in this situation? In that situation, you kind of have to ask the difficult question and say, do I need this person who's not in my life anymore in that way still to be in my

life? Do I really need this? Or am I just making it important because I'm trying to be contrary? Because I'm trying to prove a point that it's okay to be friends with my ex and it is platonic. Do you have a shortage of friends? Do you have a shortage of people in your life that you connect with? Can't you just see that in a box for what it was, that it was a sentimental part of your life, that it was a beautiful part of your life? Enjoy that for what it was and not have that person in your life now. Do they really contribute to your life now? Do you really contribute to theirs? And lastly, if you decide it is important that I'm in touch with my ex, then you have to be 100% honest with your partner about what that actually means. Talk to your partner.

When you have a text message conversation with your ex, tell your partner. When you have a phone call with your ex, tell your partner, oh, so-and-so called me today. If you talk to your partner, at least it's out on the table. And especially, by the way, little tip, talk about how with your ex you talked about something great you just did together. Right. Because when you do that, what happens is they're going, oh, OK, at least they're stamping it down with their ex that they're having a great time, that they're enjoying life. And more specifically, they're enjoying life with me. The biggest problems come about when you somehow make your ex more important than the person you're with. And secondly, when you don't give all of the information about what you're talking about with your ex or when you're talking to your ex and the person you're with has to find out secondhand and gets upset by it because there's something mysterious about it. If you're going to do it, don't make it mysterious.

Make it plain and boring and platonic so that they know exactly what it is. And you know,? If it's not that important, just get rid of your ex. It's in the past. Who cares? All right, move on. Let's get a life. All right. This is Love Life with Matthew Hussey. If you want more information, go to howtogettheguide.com. Before you go, go check out my insider newsletter. It's at howtogettheguide.com forward slash advice. You'll get more free articles, videos, and tips to help you with your love life. Take care. I'll see you soon. Okay. Are you ready to get your hands on that amazing text that sets your standard with the

man who sexed too soon? Well, I've included it and eight other incredibly useful scripts in a free guide that I've created for you called Nine Magic Texts No Man Can Resist. The text I was talking about at the top of the show is number seven of nine. Just copy and paste it or any of the nine texts tonight and he'll find you completely irresistible. To get your free guide,

just go to lovelifepodcast.com forward slash text.