Love Life with Matthew Hussey - Can You “Have it All?”

Episode Date: December 14, 2016

Is it really possible to “have it all?” And if so, what does it take to get “it” so we can finally be happy? Everyone – from your best friend to your work colleague to the latest self-help ���guru” – seems to have a different opinion on the matter. Well, in today’s LOVE Life, I argue that we’re actually all asking the wrong question. I’ll explain how to identify exactly what you DO want and why happiness (and balance) is a lot easier to achieve than you may think.

Hi, I'm Matthew Hussey. Welcome to Love Life. It's a privilege to be able to offer you bite-sized bits of advice on this podcast that you can use every day. But what if you're ready for a big transformation and you want to do it now? You want to reinvent your career or finally find lasting love or break free from the self-doubt that's holding you back from living the abundant life you were meant to live. If you're saying, yes, Matt, that's me, I'm going to tell you exactly how to do just that at the end of today's show. So make sure you stay tuned. First, let's get to today's episode. Today, we're going to be talking about having it all. And this is an interesting subject because people give you all different opinions on this. You kind of have the first half of people who look at you and sometimes cynically say, you know what, you can't have it all. I'm sorry, you have to make sacrifices. You can't do that and that and that. You can't have that partner and work really hard and go to the gym and do that hobby. You can't have it all and people kind of relish the the the chance to say that to

us but then there's the other type of person who is that kind of happy clappy self-helpy person who's like you can have it all if you try you know if you just believe you don't have to limit yourself you can have it all it can be like that in life and those people are the people we want to strangle because we also know they don't live in the real world and they don't even themselves have it all, or they're not even living proof of that themselves. So they're just wishful thinking. So what is the truth? And I heard someone ask me the other day, which was an interesting point. They said, okay, if I've accepted that I can't have it all, which part of it all should I focus on first? I think that there are two opposing lessons that we often learn in life.

And they're not actually opposing, but on the surface, they appear to be. One is the concept of immersion. And that goes to the heart of what people talk about when they talk about getting good at something. If you want to get really good, if you want to master something, you have to do that night and day. You have to practice, practice, practice, practice. You have to immerse yourself in that thing. Immersion is defined in the dictionary as deep mental involvement in an activity or task. The other concept that we constantly talk to about is the concept of balance. If you want to be a happy, healthy, emotionally stable person, you have to have balance. Otherwise, it's never going to happen. And we often hear that argument when we find

ourselves working too hard and people say to us, you know what, you need balance. If you keep working like this, you're going to burn out. So how do those two concepts work with each other? The concept of immersion on one hand and balance on the other? Well, firstly, we have to understand that both are necessary in one way or another. When we're immersed in something, inevitably we do end up making certain sacrifices. The point is there isn't time for every single thing. And when we do want to immerse ourselves in something and we want to do it really well, it does take away time from other things. Here's where that argument of not being able to have it all falls

down. I don't believe that we actually want it all. Everyone talks about having it all like, oh, I just want to do it all. I want to do it all. And I think it's kind of a childish concept. The fact is we have a small number of boxes in our life. When you really boil it down, there's a small number of boxes that we need to tick in order to be happy. We need a sense of purpose. We need to feel like we can actually use our body and we're proud. We have esteem in our image. We need to feel like we have connection with certain people in our lives. It doesn't have to be one person all the time, but it needs to be at least one person or several people. We need to feel that sense of belonging. Now, all of these things can come from a small number of areas. We don't need to be doing a thousand things. We don't

need to have it all. And anyone who's focused on having it all all the time is kind of missing the point of what it is to actually be happy. So if we know that we only need to spend time on a certain number of activities or a few major activities in order to be happy and feel like we're ticking all the boxes. Why is it we still don't? Here's my belief. People spend time on the things they're comfortable with. People who say, I work all the time, I don't have time for a relationship. I guarantee you aren't comfortable with the idea of a relationship or they're not comfortable with the idea of actually going out there and meeting people. They're scared to do it. People have time. They just choose to focus

it in certain areas. And there's one thing I've found about human beings. They spend time on the things they actually want to do. So whenever someone says, oh, I just don't have any time, I always take that with a pinch of salt. Here's what I also take with a pinch of salt. When someone says, I'm just, I can't do this thing today. I'm working for the next 12 hours. It's a bit like that childish moment when someone, when a university student during exam time says, I can't, you know, I just can't do that thing today because I'm revising in the library for the next 14 hours today. And you go, this is to be taken with a pinch of salt because guess what

i've never met a person who focuses for 14 hours straight on revision in other words we don't focus intensely on one thing for just huge protracted periods of time we have to shift focus in order to be effective and by the way having contrasting activities in your life is the thing that sharpens the saw for the thing that you are immersing yourself in. In other words, going out socially for an hour is the thing that winds you up again to come back and work and makes you excited about it. So people are right when they say we can't have it all. The redundant nature of that question is that we don't need to have it all. We don't need to have it all in order to be happy. And the few things we do need to do in order to be happy, there is always time to do. Now, if you said earlier,

yes, Matt, I'm ready for a big life transformation now, then I want to invite you to apply for my retreat program. Now, spots are limited, but if you're accepted onto the program, I'll lead you through a series of powerful coaching sessions and enlightening exercises that will remove every barrier standing in between you and the extraordinary life you deserve. You'll walk away with a practical set of tools to achieve the career, love, balance, and fulfillment you've always wanted. To claim your spot for a phone interview with one of my expert mentors, just go to lovelifepodcast.com forward slash retreat. Take care and I'll speak to you soon.