Love Life with Matthew Hussey - Can You Make a Friend of a Frenemy? 4 Steps to Try

Episode Date: September 26, 2016

Ah, the “frenemy.” One moment she’s a blast to be around, and the next minute she’s tearing you down with her criticism and negativity. Is it healthier to cut ties entirely, or can the friendship be saved? My answer: It depends. Check out this episode for 4 steps you can try to pull the “friend” out of the “frenemy.” Good luck…

Matthew Hussey here with Love Life. Have you ever wondered whether you should date more than one guy at a time? Every dating expert seems to have a different opinion on this. But what do guys really think about a woman who keeps her options open? Well, I'll tell you how to get the answer at the end of the show. First, let's get into today's episode. Today we're going to be talking about the subject of frenemies. Frenemies, by the way, I don't know where this word came from,

but it seems to me to describe a friend who is also just not good for your life. Someone who doesn't support you, isn't there for you in the ways that you might want, puts you down when you tell them that you have good news. They're not really interested in hearing your good news. So the question is, are frenemies good for us? Well, the obvious answer is no. There is definitely an argument to say that having certain people in our lives who knock us every now and again can sharpen us. You know, it can make us resistant to criticism. It can make sure that we actually don't care what people think, that we stay strong and moving forward in the direction we want without worrying what other people are doing. But the danger is that with a friend, you keep them so close that those, that negativity and that criticism and that

cynicism can actually begin to affect us. And that's really dangerous. So how do you actually pull the friend out of the frenemy? How do you make sure that you get the best of that person? Firstly, tell someone what you love and admire about them, even when they're being negative. If you need to explain something to them that they're doing wrong towards you, tell them why you're their friend in the first place. In other words, do you know what I've always loved about you? I love that you're so fun and carefree. And when we go out, we have such a good time and you bring so much life to every party. And you're just, you're an amazing person to be around. It's so exciting being on, you know, in this life with you and having you close to me. It's so exciting being on, you know, in this life with you and having you close to me.

It's so exciting. Now you're going to introduce the things that you don't like about that person. Look, I love all those things about you, but I have to be honest with you. One of the things that is holding me back from spending more time with you is that you don't support me. Or it seems that when I express something I'm excited about, you don't seem to be interested or, you know, I feel like you sometimes put me down in front of other people and I really don't like that and I don't want to be around that sort of energy. Now, you're going to let them speak at this point. Let them have their say because guaranteed they will get defensive and they will tell

you that you're being crazy or that you're wrong or that you're seeing things the wrong way. That's okay. Let them speak. Hear them out and say to them, look, you know what? Maybe I'm being a little oversensitive. Maybe I've got this all wrong, but that's just how I'm feeling. And I don't want to feel like that in my friendship with you.

That is a very non-confrontational way of having that conversation with that person. Now, what you're going to watch for over the coming days, weeks, months is does their behavior change? Do they actually now start to take a different approach with you? If they do, then you'll know your words had some effect and there's actually hope for that real friendship. If they don't, then you have to have the courage and we all have to have the courage to actually distance ourselves from that person. It doesn't mean we're not friendly towards that person. It doesn't mean we don't still love them or care for them in some way, but we have to be pragmatic in our approach to moving forward in life. And if someone continuously wants to keep us in the past and wants to keep us where we are, or even worse,

wants to drag us down, sometimes we have to be brave enough to cut the ties and actually spend time with people who are interested in moving us forward. I find that too often people who don't move forward in life are the ones that are unable to do that or don't have the strength or courage. So that's it, my friends. Beware of the frenemies and go have the conversation with them and be prepared to distance yourself if you need to. This is Matthew Hussey from Love Life. You can follow me at Twitter or Facebook at my name, Matthew Hussey, or go to my website,

howtogettheguy.com and check out my blog, which has plenty of videos and articles for you to keep your learning going. Thanks guys. I'll see you soon. Okay. So what do men really think about a woman who dates more than one guy at a time? I'm going to tell you and reveal the three female mindsets that drive men absolutely wild in a free video that I've created for you. You're going to get exclusive access to a Q&A session from a live seminar where I coach real women on how to deal with hot and cold men, how to find out if a guy is single, how to be strong and confident in a relationship, and much more. To get your free access to the three female mindsets that drive men absolutely wild, just go to lovelifepodcast.com forward slash mindsets.